Duty

Duty



Hands everywhere, cursing growls, screams catching in his throat to never be released... Tasuki gasped and sat up, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head as he looked blearily around. His breath hitched in panic as he found himself in an unfamiliar room, a lump of another body lying under a pile of blankets on a bed not far from him.



Where was he?! Why wasn’t he in his room with Jeice? He got to his feet and crept to his clothes, picking them up as quietly as he could and pulling them on quickly. He was sore all over; was his last customer abusive? Was he... wait. His body hurt but not the one place that usually hurt after having a customer.



He moved to the sleeping form on the other bed, peering down to see who it was.



He gasped and fell to his knees beside the bed. Tamahome!



He reached out and brushed his fingers over Tama’s brow, slipping strands of hair from his cheek to rest against the pillow.



Tamahome felt a hand brush against his forehead; he smiled in his sleep and nuzzled into it a bit, then returned to dreaming.



Tasuki remembered now; the almost arrest, coming to Tama’s home, the brawl with Jun’s men, and then passing out in Tamahome’s arms. He blushed at that last part, his cheeks heating with shame and embarrassment as he realized that Tamahome had to have changed him before putting him to bed. “Thank you, Tamahome.” He whispered as he stood again and grabbed the book off of the nightstand.



He moved to the door and opened it as silently as he could. “G’bye, Tama. Have a happy life with Miaka. I wish ya both my best.” And stepped out into the hallway.



The soft click of his latch closing woke him up. He bolted upright in bed, a little disoriented because of his new memories. He looked around the room, confused as to why he was on the floor. It only took a second to remember and put things straight.



He blinked into the darkness, letting his eyes adjust to the lack of light.



Tasuki walked down the steps, his feet moving sluggishly as though he didn’t really want to go. Sighing as he paused in the stairwell, he leaned back against the wall and scrubbed a hand over his face. He didn’t want to go... without Tamahome.



But- he reminded himself with a growl as he pushed himself away from the wall- Tamahome had to stay behind and protect Miaka. No matter what Tasuki wanted; Tamahome loved and had a duty to his miko. Nothing could get in the way of that, especially not something that Tasuki refused to put a name to.



He pushed his way out the front door of the building, his feet picking up a little more speed as he tried to out run the ache that was forming in his chest; the same ache that had always been there when he thought of Tamahome and Miaka together.



Tamahome groggily got up from the mat on the floor. His head ached, begging him to go back to sleep. "Tasuki?" He spoke softly as to not wake him if he had managed to stay asleep through what ever it was that woke him up. When he got no answer, he got up and yawned. He didn't want to go check out the noise, but he knew he had to. Police training aside, he had just threatened the biggest name in the Yakuza, and he couldn't sleep until he checked.



Soft thumps across the wood floor; he hit a squeaky board and stiffened, hoping to not alert the potential threat or the sleeping thief. No reaction either way. He made it to the door and checked the lock. Open!



In an instant, the sleepy haze left him; he ran back to the bed and examined the mess of covers, no Tasuki. He grabbed his gun and ran out side, disregarding his half-dressed state and the chill of the morning air. Looking both ways, he ran to the balcony of his apartment complex and down the fire escape. No sign of any one. He kept his gun held close to his chest. He had never in his three years shot anyone dead, but he could feel a certain rampant protectiveness coursing through his veins. If anyone tried to drag Tasuki back to that life, he would shoot.



Tasuki clenched a hand in his shirt, over his heart, and tightened his jaw. It was easier to leave before Tamahome woke. Less trouble, not as hard to fake a smile as he vanished from this world. Better to do it in the library, that way the book would be safe.



He laughed mirthlessly at himself, wondering why he hadn’t thought of just opening the book in the library in the first place instead of causing so much trouble. “Fuckin’ great job, Tasuki. Instead a gettin’ the hell outta here when I had th’ chance, I hadda go and drag Tamahome into my problems.” He growled again and sat down on the curb, turning the book over in his hands. He opened it and red light shimmered from the pages, surrounding him in warmth...



And then it vanished. Tasuki sat staring at the book for a moment, wondering why he wasn’t gone. “Th’ fuck?”



Moments later, Tamahome slowed. Sitting on the curb, not in any danger at all, was Tasuki, with a tattered red book in his hands. Tamahome walked over to Tasuki. "Planning on taking it for a test drive?" He said coldly, he knew he was being left behind purposely.



Tasuki looked up in surprise at the cold tone, was Tamahome upset he'd tried to go? "No, it doesn't want me back." he shrugged and offered the book to Tamahome. "I don't need it no more."



He smiled sadly and got to his feet. "But that's arright. I c'n try and figure out a way to make it here, I guess. Thanks for your help, Tamahome. I'll see ya around." He turned to wander off, sure that this would be the last time he saw Tama. He took a deep breath and smiled wide over his shoulder, "Take good care a Mi-chan for me!"



Tamahome looked down at the book in disbelief. Everything they had just done had been for naught. He picked up the book, just an ordinary book. "Tasuki," He called out to him. He didn't know what else to say. There were hundreds of things he could, but he just didn't know which. "Just, hold on." He walked over to where Tasuki stood. "Don't go yet, you should meet Miaka and maybe we can read through this book and figure out a way back?" He was stumbling. The thought of Tasuki leaving tugged at his heart. "I just met you, you can't go yet."



Tasuki closed his eyes, his back still to Tamahome, and stopped. Damnit, why did it have to be like this? "I arready put you to too much trouble. It's arright that th' book don't want me back. I guess that's what I get for bein' dragged into th' life of a whore when I got here. Too used and disgust- err, well, haha." he scratched the back of his head and turned around.



"Yeah, ya just met me an' look at all th' shit that happened! I been back in your life for less than twenty-four hours! Ain't ya had enough of the hell that follows me?" he looked around, trying to look as though this were a conversation about the weather.



"No." Tamahome said surely. "Tasuki, if you really want to go, then you can. But, just know that if you're worried about troubling me, I'd rather have shoot-outs and break-ins and more trouble than put you out on the street."



Tasuki bristled, his back going ramrod straight. "I don't want your charity! I don't want your pity, goddamnit! I want... I dunno what I want, but I fuckin' don't need or want your fuckin' pity!" His face went red, nearly the color of his hair, and he turned his head.



How mortifying! He felt... something, for Tamahome, but to be pitied? He couldn't have that, didn't want it, and didn’t deserve it.



"I'm not trying to pity you, Tasuki!" he yelled back, the frustration building. "Just come back to the house with me. It's what friends do for each other! If you care, like you go around claiming, then don't try and take everything on your shoulders! Friends help friends, especially when they are close enough to be brothers!" He was shouting. He must look like a raving lunatic, a book in one hand, a gun in the other, but he didn't care. "Swallow your pride and come back and let me help you out! Gods!"



Tasuki sighed and shook his head. He was tempted to try something, but held back. He'd lose any contact with Tamahome even faster if he did, but he didn't plan to see him again anyway, right? What could it hurt? At best he'd get punched, worst he'd be shot. Neither appealed to him and he bit his lip in indecision.



He gulped and glanced at Tamahome. He nodded to himself. "Yup, I'd be shot." he muttered under his breath and looked away. "I can't. I can't stay... in your house, with you, alone. I can't." He'd ruin it all. Any good memories Tamahome may have had of him would be destroyed if he stayed. "I can't. I wanna... but I can't." he shook his head, a half-smile curving his lips.



Tamahome was stopped short in his rant. A puzzled look replaced the frustrated frown of a few seconds earlier. "You can't stay alone with me?" It took a minute, but then Tamahome's confusion fell off. "You're worried that I'll take advantage of you?"



He cast his eyes down. Tasuki was abused and broken, why should he trust someone he had just met, no matter how much of a history they had together? He could easily black mail him, turn him in to the cops. Any number of things was possible.



Tasuki blinked, "What?" He cocked an eyebrow in confusion. "You take advantage of me?" he laughed and shook his head. He moved over to Tamahome, hands on his hips and a grin on his face. "That ain't what I'm worried about, Tama. I'm more worried that I'll... uh, never mind, but I know ya won't hurt me. Ya ain't the kind what hurts people, ya know?"



He shook his head again, a soft chuckle breaking from his lips. "Take advantage a me, ha! Ya really think I'm afraid of that? You wouldn't do anything t'me. Ya arready told me that yer girlfriend wouldn't like it too much if... well, you remember." Damn, he was blushing again! He turned back towards the apartment, hiding his blush in the early dawn light that was creeping over the horizon.



Tamahome was relieved on one part that he wasn't suspect to Tasuki, but the other part of him felt guilty. He had, after all, already taken advantage of him while he slept. He hoped beyond hope that that was not what Tasuki was referring to, but he couldn't figure out what Tasuki was worried about then. "So what is it?" he asked, at a loss of any other reason why Tasuki couldn't be in the same room as him alone.



Tasuki blushed darker and kept his back towards Tamahome. "N-nothin', don't worry about it." He was tempted to smile at Tama, but figured his blush would give him away. "Doesn't matter." As his cheeks cooled, he tried a smile over his shoulder only to feel it fall short. "Heh," he scratched the back of his neck again.



At this point Tamahome was almost positive that Tasuki was upset about the unwanted kiss and just didn't want to make him feel bad. "I'm sorry, I understand." He walked up to Tasuki, and placed the book in his hands. "I wasn't really thinking when I... When I did that last night. It's ok if you're uncomfortable with it." With the book safely in Tasuki's hands, he turned around to go back to his apartment. "If you still want to go with me, I'll try and think of a way."



Now it was Tasuki's turn to be confused. "Did what? Change my clothes? Can't say I ain't embarrassed about that, but it ain't why I can't go." he stood still, not wanting to let the question fall away. "What could you have done that would make me uncomfortable?" He crossed his arms and leaned against a fence, the book tapping on his arm as he waited to hear this uncomfortable circumstance.



Tamahome's face drained. That wasn't what he had meant, and now he had come out and told him about it stupidly. "Nothing, I just thought, maybe... well you might have been embarrassed about the clothes thing, but I guess that's ok, so..." He could feel the heat on his cheeks. Damn, damn, damn. This was stupid, and he was stupid for having done that.



Tasuki raised a brow, "That ain't it. Spit it out or yer gonna have to carry me back to your place." he teased as he moved to stand beside Tamahome. He slung an arm over Tamahome's shoulders and grinned up at him. "Tell me. C'mon, ya know ya wanna tell me."



Tamahome's heart skipped a beat when Tasuki flung his arm around his shoulders. His blush darkened, what was wrong with him? "I-I that's it." He stiffened and forced a frown sturdily on his face.



Tasuki grinned, "Aww, c'mon! That ain't it! I know ya too well, Tama, yer gonna have to try lyin' better'n that." his grin grew wider and he touched his nose to Tamahome's, shaking his head slowly so that their noses brushed together. It was so fun to see Tamahome so nervous. "Tell me?" he asked, looking into Tamahome's eyes from mere inches away.



Tamahome tried to pull back, but there was a hard wooden fence behind him. His breath caught in his throat. ‘Think, think. You can get out of this by just coming up with something that makes sense, but.. Tasuki's lips are so close, and... Dear Gods, he’s just a friend, why am I acting like this?’ "I-I accidentally... k- " He took a breath. "Kissed you. It was just an accident though." he insisted, looking down at Tasuki's lips.



Yeah right, there was no way he would believe that with the way he was squirming, the way he was breathing, and the cursed blush that must have been all over his face.



Tasuki's eyes went wide and he stopped brushing his nose against Tamahome's. "You kissed me?" he blinked, licking his lips unconsciously as if trying to taste the accidental kiss. He raised up on his toes, looking straight into Tamahome's eyes. He pressed a quick kiss to Tamahome’s lips, more of a peck that was barely felt. "That kind of kiss?" He was curious now, there were different kisses and he wanted to know what kind it was before he allowed himself to slip.



Tamahome nearly jumped a foot in the air. "W-what are you doing? You can't test out kisses till you get the right one!" His blush was fierce, newly re-energized by the peck, but his lips were fixed in a pouting frown.



Tasuki lowered his heels to the ground and raised patient eyes to Tamahome. "Then tell me or show me, pick one. I wanna know what kinda kiss I slept through. It's important! I wanna know what made ya steal my first kiss." He blinked and let go, "Err, uh..." he scratched the back of his neck. "Never mind. Obviously it wasn't nothin' important."



"First?" Tamahome blinked. Being a naive person, he had never even thought that kissing wasn't part of the deal when someone paid for sex.



Tasuki blushed and shook his head. "Tama, them people was interested in gettin' off, not romancin' me. Just cause I been fucked don't mean I been kissed."



Tamahome looked empathetically at Tasuki. Another stupid move on his part. "Tasuki... I." He smiled, "I'll give you a clue." He fixed the little breath of courage he found and put one hand around Tasuki's waist and one to the back of his neck. He drew him in and pressed his lips softly to Tasuki's. Tamahome made sure it was gentle, soft and loving. If he had stolen Tasuki's first kiss, then he should make up for it at least. "It wasn't like that." He said, leaning his forehead against Tasuki's for a short moment.



Tasuki's breath stalled for a moment, looking into Tamahome's eyes in surprise. "It.. Wasn’t or it was?" he asked breathily, his eyes slowly closing as he leaned up and pressed a feather soft kiss on Tama's lips. His arms went around Tamahome's neck, pulling him closer, pressing harder against his mouth.



Tamahome's breath deepened, he felt his heart start to speed up, as his eyes willingly closed for another of Tasuki's kisses. "It... It wasn't." He stuttered out, trying to steady his racing heartbeat.



Tasuki licked his lips, pulling back and away from Tamahome. His breathing was ragged and his cheeks flushed a soft pink. "Oh," he said as he shook himself. "Sorry." He turned quickly, "That's why, Tama." he said as he tried to calm himself.



Suddenly everything that just happened hit him. "I'm sorry, Tasuki." he reached out a hand towards his back, but stopped himself. Guilt set in. "I- just forget about that. If you need a place to stay I swear I won't do that again, I promise."



Tasuki turned and gave Tamahome an incredulous look, "Ya still don't get it, do ya." he said flatly and shook his head before pushing Tama back to the fence again, his mouth devouring the soft lips he'd tasted briefly. He pulled Tamahome down by the neck and flicked his tongue over the closed lips under his own. He stepped back, breath harsh and blush darker. "I want ya, that's why I can't stay with you."



Tamahome drew in a sharp breath, the hungry kiss taking him by surprise, but he relaxed into it. "Tasuki." He had nothing else to say. No matter how much he denied it, Tasuki's words of desire went straight to his goin. Tamahome just stood staring at the other man for a moment, trying to ease the heat in his lower belly. Miaka. That's all he had to think of to keep under control. She should be calling him soon; completely oblivious to the night they had just lived through. But, "Stay." He insisted, despite the rest of his thoughts telling him no.



Tasuki looked at him, quirking a brow. "Didn't ya hear me? Ain't you gonna tell me t'get lost? Leave ya alone an' never bother you again?" This wasn't right, why wasn't he lying on the ground bleeding? "I don't understand; you should hit me for touchin' ya like that, not offer t'let a lecher into your home! Are you crazy or do I gotta spell it out?!" He trembled, his mind screaming at him for not leaping at the chance to stay close. But he couldn't take advantage of Tamahome like that, even if he had to protect Tamahome from himself.



Tamahome grabbed Tasuki's hand and stared dragging him back to his apartment. "Would you stop trying to apologize for the way you feel and just accept my offer?" He didn't want to stand out here on the street in his underwear with a gun, fighting over if it was ok that Tasuki had feelings for him. It was fine. He would have to accept that Miaka came first in his mind, but aside from that, he wasn't going to disown him as a friend because of it.



Tasuki blinked as he was pulled off balance, "Hey!" he protested, tugging on his hand. "Arright, arright! Ya made yer point. You c'n stop dragging me!" He yelled, tugging harder.



He grumbled and sighed. "Fine, I'll stay. But, I'm sleepin' somewhere you ain't. I got a tendency to crawl in bed with whoever's closest when I have nightmares. I don't wanna wake ya up and make ya think I'm tryin' to molest ya. Understand?"



"Fine, fine." he agreed and let go, letting Tasuki follow him the rest of the way.



~~



The inside of his apartment had never felt so cramped. He had never before been so keen to the fact that it was really only one room with a kitchen and bathroom. He ignored the closeness and pulled on pants. That at least gave him the illusion of being less exposed.



Tasuki turned his back as Tamahome got dressed, just because he wanted the man didn't mean he was an animal, he could be a gentleman when he needed to be. This just happened to be one of those situations.



"Na, Tama, If ya want... how about I just go to th' bathroom while ya get dressed. That way ya don't gotta feel naked in front a me. Can't have ya bein' uncomfortable in yer own house." he said to the wall as he walked sideways towards the bathroom door.



"Oh, by th' way, just lemme know when I gotta go away. I'm sure Jeice'll let me visit with him when ya have... Mi-chan over. This place is too tiny for three." He waved over his shoulder and pushed into the bathroom, closing the door with a soft click behind him.



He gave the clear to Tasuki and finished buttoning his blue uniform shirt. He was tired, and more than a little sore from the stand last night, but he had to go to work today all the same. Tamahome slipped on the gun holster over his belt and fit on his hat. "You can do what ever here until I get back. You will be here when I get back, right?" He asked hesitantly.



Tasuki opened the door and peeked out, "Yeah, I guess. Want anything special for dinner?" He offered, figuring he could at least cook and straighten up while his host was away.



"Nnn, if you want to cook feel free to make what you want." he looked back at Tasuki. "You know you don't have to do anything for staying here. I'm the one who wants you close, you're not imposing."



Tasuki blinked then swallowed hard, "Yeah. Okay." he agreed and looked anywhere but at his friend. 'Damnit, Tasuki! He didn't mean it like that. He was just sayin' that ya don't gotta do things. He wasn't tellin' you he wants you! Don't think like a fuckin' whore!' he closed his eyes and berated himself silently, growling softly in irritation. 'You been a whore too long, not everybody wants in yer pants. 'Specially not Tama.'



"I don't mind. Least I c'n do. Gotta pay my way somehow, na?" he gave a wide grin, his eyes clenching closed to keep the trained assumptions from being seen.



Tamahome smiled and nodded. "Ja, Ikukekimasu." He leaned in and abruptly stopped. He was too used to kissing Miaka good bye before he left. He smiled to himself and shook his head and just gave Tasuki a kiss on the cheek instead. "Thank you in advance for making dinner in."



He walked outside, got in his car, and left.



~~



Tasuki had gone out to the market, spending a bit more of the money he'd saved to make a nice dinner. He bought extra; just incase Miaka showed up.



Now he stood at the small two-burner stove, stirring rice and shrimp in a garlic oil sauce he'd remembered Jeice using before. The pork cutlets were done, handmade fry biscuits sat cooling under a towel and the stir-fry vegetables were sizzling in the wok. He hummed happily; almost feeling like the housewife that Jeice had often teased him of being.



When Moudou was out, Jeice liked to tease and play 'house'. Tasuki would laugh and smack him with a wooden spoon when he tried to steal pieces of cooling meat or bread and Jeice would laughingly say he'd never find a better 'wife' than Tasuki.



His smile dimmed a bit when he recalled Jeice's words to Tamahome the night before. He had always thought of Jeice as someone who was there to make his life seem almost normal, a good friend who cared for him when he'd come home too thrashed to do it himself, someone he could trust to make the nightmares go away...



He shook his head and banished those thoughts as he cleaned up some of the dishes that were soaking in hot water. Dinner would be ready soon, he hoped that Tamahome would be there in time to eat a hot meal instead of being out late because some jerk decided to make things difficult. The way he had the night before.



The phone rang and he looked at it for a moment before walking over and lifting it from the receiver. "Moshi moshi?"



"Oh, I'm sorry. I must have the wrong number. I was looking for Tamahome's apartment."



Tasuki gulped, "Nah, this is his place, Mi-chan. He's still at work. Want me t'have him call ya when he gets home?"



There was a silence on the line for a few moments and then a loud, piercing shriek. "TASUKI?! IS THAT YOU?!"



He laughed and shook his head to clear the ringing in his ear, "Yeah, it's me. I'm visitin' Tama for a few days. I got dinner cookin', wanna come over? I made enough fer all of us."



"Oh, I'm sorry Tasuki, but I was calling to let Tamahome know I am going to America with Mom for a week. She won a trip and is taking me and Keisuke."



"When do ya leave? I c'n have him call when he..." he paused, hearing foot steps in the hallway. "I think he just got home, lemme check."



Tamahome sighed as he turned the key in the latch. The day had been stressful and long. Paperwork and incident reports piled up like a tower of evil white rectangles on his desk. He hated paperwork, but it was part of his job. The hardest part of the day was explaining why he had been reported being seen not too far from the yakuza headquarters last night at around the same time they were allegedly broken in to.



He had threats and angry words thrown at him by his boss, but the man named Jun refused to give a description of the man who broke in and kidnapped one of his workers. They had nothing on him, so he got to go back to his desk with a stack of paper, he thought, as punishment.



"Tadaima." He called out as he took off his shoes and shut the door behind him.



It was amazing; there was so many good smells mingling in his apartment that his stomach immediately started growling. "Tasuki? What did you do?" He asked in wonder as he stepped through to the living room.



Tasuki smiled in greeting, handing the phone over to him. "It's Mi-chan." he whispered as he went back to the kitchen.



His food was trying to cook too much on the bottom, so he turned down the flame and stirred a bit of water in, just to keep it from scorching. He hummed along to a tune that was stuck in his head, all the while keeping an ear on Tamahome's end of the conversation.



"Miaka?" He watched Tasuki skitter away to the kitchen. "Hello?"



"Tamahome! Why didn't you tell me that Tasuki was back here?" She scolded.



"I.." He tried to ask why she knew that another person like him existed and didn't tell him, but he was cut off.



"I wish you would have told me, now I'm not going to get to see him till I get back."



"Back from where?" He asked, surprised.



"AAAAIIII!" She squeed in his ear. "Mother won tickets, I'm going to America." Tamahome was speechless as Miaka started right in with the details.



"When... Miaka hold on for a second. When will you be coming back?" He tried to calm her rant and get some information out of her.



"It's only a week silly." He could even see her sticking out her tongue at his question. "I know you'll miss me, but I've never gone to America before."



"I, I will. It's kind of sudden. Miaka, I was hoping you would come with me where I was going."



"You were planning a trip with out letting me know? HIDOOOOIII" She whined into the phone so loud that Tamahome had to pull it away from his ear.



“Tasuki, well. Calm down and listen to me ok? Miaka, things kind of changed a lot since last night. It's good to know you'll be out of the country. There is a lot of bad things going on with a bust I made last night and I'm worried for you." He paced the floor as he spoke. "Tasuki found the book, and we were going to try and go back."



The line fell dead silent.



"Miaka? Hello?"



"You're leaving?" She said gravely, every hint of her former excitement gone without a trace.



“No, I was going to ask if you would consider taking your family and maybe Yui in with you. I started getting back my memories, Miaka.”



“So, are you going to go alone now that I’m not going to be there?”



“I won’t go without you. If you would rather stay then I’m going to stay with you, I just.” His voice dropped, “I need to see the place I really belong to.”



There was silence again and he could hear soft breaths, he knew she was crying. “Love, listen to me. I think we can wait until you get back, but if something happens and we’re not here when you do, come to my apartment, I’ll leave the book here for you. Follow us in. If it got to the point that we needed to run, you won’t be safe in this world either.”



“Oh… ok Tamahome-kun.” She said finally. “You promise we’ll find each other again, right?”



“I promise Miaka. Hey, cheer up and have fun in America.”



“Mm” She said clearly forcing cheerfulness. “I’ll tell you about it when I get back. Tell Tasuki I said hi. And Tamahome?”



“Yes?”



“I love you.”



“I love you, too, Miaka.”



With a little more reassurance in her voice, Miaka said good bye and Tamahome hung up the phone.



“Miaka said hello.” He said simply, leaning on the door between the kitchen and the living room.



Tasuki nodded and smiled wide, pretending he hadn't been listening to the conversation. "So, ya ready t'eat? I slaved over a hot stove all damn day t'make this. Ya better eat every bite." He smiled cheerily and shooed Tamahome out of the kitchen. "All ya gotta do is sit an' eat. I got everything set up, just find a spot an' I'll bring it out to ya."



Tamahome stared wide-eyed as Tasuki started bringing out and setting up the biggest feast he had had since he could remember. "Tasuki, you really went through a lot of trouble,” He said as he sat at his low table and picked up chopsticks. He sniffed at all the wonderful scents. Anything anyone else made had to be better than the usual vomit inducing meals Miaka insisted on making, but this was top of the line. "Thank you."



Tasuki laughed and set a cup of lavender tea on the low table before sitting across from him and getting his own plate ready. "Don't mention it. I noticed ya lit outta here with no lunch or nothin' so I figured I could make ya bento or set ya up with a bit of whatever's left for lunch tomorrow. I stocked yer fridge, too. My guess is Mi-chan cleaned ya out, na?"



Tamahome sweatdropped, "Always does. And anything she makes doesn't stay with me for long. She's going to America, so you don't have to worry about moving in and out to make room. She did seem to want to see you badly, though." Tamahome picked a few things out of the bowls and put them on his plate. He tasted them and nearly swooned. "This is great! You really can cook!" He swallowed and enjoyed the flavor, nearly starry-eyed.



Tasuki smirked, "A'course I can cook. I'd a died long ago if'n I couldn't.” He said proudly but his laughter broke free and killed the moment. "Arright, so Jeice taught me t'cook. I played housewife 'cause I can cook better."



When Tamahome had regained some consciousness, he continued with what he was trying to say. "She remembers you, but she never said anything to me."



Tasuki watched Tamahome eating, noting that he was looking as if he'd never had anything that had tasted half as good. He pushed his food around the plate, not really eating. He was anxious and unnerved at the mention of Miaka, more so because he'd heard the exchange of loving words between them.



It had always been that way; Tama and Miaka would chase each other and Tasuki would stare after them wondering why he hurt. At first he'd thought he might feel something for Miaka, but his chest never hurt around her... only Tamahome. It was terrible. "Oh? Hnn, wonder why you didn't remember me then. That's weird. Maybe because she is from this world an' we ain't?"



"I guess so, it makes sense. Just wondered why she ... but it doesn't matter." He saw a strange look in Tasuki's eyes and decided he should stop. "So the assholes we took down last night tried to get me fired for improper conduct, but no one would give a statement, so we got off free. At least legally." He quickly learned this was probably a bad topic as well.



He held out his hand, "Let me see the book, we should look through it and see what we can find that might let us go home."



Tasuki pushed away his nearly untouched plate and got to his feet, moving to the small bed laid out on the floor. He lifted it up and reached beneath it, pulling the book out and cradling it in the bend of his elbow. “Here ya go. You look through it while I get this mess cleaned up. I’ll come look when I’m done.” He set the book on the table and picked up his plate and several of the half-empty serving dishes before making his way back to the kitchen.



He hurried to put away the food in containers so that Tamahome could have lunch and dinner for a few days, scraping his own plate into the trash. He’d have to make sure that the book worked in the morning or else he’d have a very pissed off Tamahome on his back for trying to run off two days in a row.



He’d over heard enough of Miaka and Tama’s conversation to know that Tamahome had no intention of staying in the book. How could he want to? And why would he choose a used and abused ex-sex worker over a sweet miko? He wouldn’t. He’d be insane to. Tasuki wouldn’t allow it, so he would take it upon himself to take away the obstacle between Tamahome and Miaka’s relationship; he’d go before dawn.



The parting words between miko and her loyal seishi echoed in his ears, reminding him that he was just causing confusion and dissention where he wasn’t wanted. He assumed that the answer to the question he’d half way asked was no. A man doesn’t tell someone he loves her if he has intentions of going off with another; especially not men like Tamahome.



He labeled and put away the containers, making sure that heating instructions were printed on top, and excused himself to the bathroom. He climbed into the shower and went over his plan in his head. He’d wait until Tamahome was sleeping, take the book, hide himself in the bathroom, and leave. Hopefully Tamahome wouldn’t be able to figure out how to get back. If he did, Tasuki had no doubt that he’d have hell to pay.



Tamahome got up and started taking off the rest of his uniform. Miaka being on the phone, and then Tasuki's splendid dinner preparations kept him from doing so earlier. He slipped off the shirt and got to work reading the book.



When he opened book's cover, a strange feeling washed through him. He felt tingly all over and he could have sworn that there was a red glow all around him for a moment. Then it was gone. The tiny bit of electricity that flowed through him stopped.



He looked around to make sure everything was still ok, then began reading. The first few lines struck him as ordinary. In fact, he only then realized that he was expecting the book to be something wonderful, magical, but he was left disappointed. So far, it was a story about two girls who found them selves in a bit of a mess when they appeared out of nowhere on the abandoned outskirts of a city in China.



The next page had a drawing on it, a young man with long hair, tied back. He studied the picture, getting another strange feeling of deja vu. He kept reading. Tamahome nearly dropped the old book, "Tasuki?" he called out in a half panic. There it was, a description of him to a T, even down to the tattered coat he kept and his fighting style. He blinked at the page.



Tasuki leapt from the shower and ran to the living room, snatching up his tessen from the pile of clothes he'd left on the floor by the bathroom door. "What?! What?! What is it?!" He looked around for Jun's goons, but found the apartment empty except for Tamahome and himself. "Uh, what th' fuck did ya scream like that for?" he asked, opening his fan to hide his nakedness. "I was in th' shower an' ya screamed like you was dyin'! What th' fuck?"



Tamahome glanced up and quickly averted his eyes back to the book. "Sorry, I didn't know you were in the shower." He said, embarrassed that he had over reacted. "Just look at this." He held the book up to Tasuki, but kept his eyes trained on his lap. "It's me. I mean, I believed you and I saw myself that we have memories and abilities, but.... It's just strange."



His eyes wandered up, and he caught the ridiculous sight of Tasuki holding a metal fan as his only cover. He closed his eyes and tried to hold in a laugh and a blush. As funny as it was, the sight also made his pulse try and run away with him. "Go back and finish up. You'll see it when you get out."



Tasuki grumbled a bit for having been called out of the shower over nothing. He shrugged and turned back for the bathroom, moving the fan behind him to hide his backside. "Arright, just gimme a few minutes. I gotta get th' medicine washed off an' put more on."



He closed the door and dropped the tessen to the pile of clothes as he climbed back in the shower. He washed up as fast as he could, scrubbing his skin hard to wash away all of the unwanted touches in the last day or so since his last shower.



Tamahome waited for Tasuki to get out before going further into the book. Instead, he just sat and stared at the short description of the boy who saved Miaka and Yui from the thugs.



A hand went to his forehead, touching the skin where the symbol should be. He had to wonder if he could ever live up to the person he used to be now that the Tamahome he knew was a police officer in Tokyo, residing in a comfortable apartment. He bit down the odd feeling that kept trying to rise in his chest. He was a character in a book. A character come to life? Or was he still just words on a page?



He was staring out the window into the night sky listlessly when Tasuki finally came out of the shower.



Tasuki stepped out, put a new bit of medicine on and dried off. He then began pulling on some soft, faded blue jeans and a tight, white tee shirt before he picked up his mess and stepped out of the bathroom. "Anythin' good now? No more scream worthy pictures?"



He noticed that Tamahome was looking off into space. "Tama? You okay?" he sat down on the floor beside him and patted his shoulder. "Tama?"



“Hmm?" Tamahome snapped out of his stare. "Oh yeah, I was just waiting for you to go through the book with me." He smiled, "I bet there's a good chunk about you in here, too." He scooted away from the window and laid the book down between them. "As far as it looks, Miaka and Yui were just dragged in. Doesn't seem to be anything more than that." He started, trying to get off of the disconcerting thoughts onto the problem at hand.



Tasuki smirked, "Anythin' in there is probably 'bout you and Mi-chan. It was a story 'bout you two, na? All th' things ya hadda go through together?" He sat forward, looking curiously at the book. "Heh, should'a known ya hadda make a big entrance. Look here, ya even asked for money! Haha! You was money hungry even back then!" he grinned and poked Tamahome’s nose. "Only you would ask two miko for money."



"I didn't know they were miko." He said defensively and rubbed his nose. "And my protection services needed to be compensated for anyway."



Tasuki turned a few pages, scanning the text for his name, just to see if he was really in there. He stopped and skimmed over the page, pulling the book away from Tamahome's vision. "And the miko fell madly in love with the rakish good looks of Genrou, Leader of the Mount Reikaku Bandits. He kissed and loved the miko late into the night." he smirked wide at the mistranslation, hoping to get a squawk out of Tamahome.



"What?!" Tamahome scrambled over to Tasuki and peeked over the book. "You're making that up! You never loved her into the night." Tamahome mocked the translator's description and tackled Tasuki and made a grab at the cover.



Tasuki laughed loudly, pulling the book behind his back. "I did so! Well, I carried her off an' she was all alone with me fer 'bout an hour. She even stripped off my shirt!" He fought off Tamahome with one hand while keeping the book tucked behind his back with the other.



Tamahome grasped at the book, trying to dig his hands between Tasuki and the floor to get at it. "If you did anything to her, I'd have known about it and kicked your ass." he said smiling, even though he was on the loosing end of the battle. He wiggled his hand under further and pried Tasuki up a bit, but he couldn't get the stubborn bandit to let go.



Tasuki grinned wide and stuck his tongue out in Tamahome's face. "You wasn't around then. You were off bein' a hero... somewhere. Can't remember where ya was, but we didn't know each other then." He laughed as he felt Tamahome's fingers worming their way between his and the book, he raised a knee and shoved them over. He sat up triumphantly on Tama's belly. "HA! Bandits beat Heroes! I win!" he bounced happily.



"You do not!" He proclaimed and pushed both of them over, making another grab for the book. "And I wasn't around because I was being captured and mind controlled. I was busy." he joked. Tamahome stopped fighting for a second. He remembered it. He suddenly realized he remembered.



"Tasuki," He said down to the red head pinned under his knees. "Nuriko, Chichiri, Chiriko, Mitsukake, Hotohori. " He said each one of their names as their memories flooded back to him.



Tasuki stared up at Tama with a confused look. "Who?"



"The others." He said excitedly. "I remembered the other's names. And, their faces." A huge smile brightened his features. He could recall them all. "That book must have triggered something. I remembered our fellow seishi!"



Tasuki's brow furrowed. "That's great, so what are their names?" he wasn't following and for some reason he felt he was missing something. "It's good ya remember them, Tama." he smiled, uneasy with the feeling of being left out.



"Hotohori, Chichiri, Chiriko, Nuriko, and Mitsukake." he repeated, "And then you and me." He looked down puzzled at Tasuki. He didn't look too elated at the fact that he had remembered the others. "What's wrong?"



"Nothin', nothin', just..." he was starting to get a headache and rubbed his temple. "Just I don't remember nothin' but a few pieces of my life an' a little bit of yours. Maybe I'll remember later?" 'After I go back without you, I'll remember.' He grinned wide, "I'm sure it'll come back to me soon."



"Read the rest of the book." Tamahome suggested. "It only came back to me when I read some of it." He rolled off Tasuki and lay down next to him to read along with his friend.



Tasuki shrugged and pulled the book back up to look at it, flipping through a few more pages. He stopped as a feeling of cold washed over him; his eyes flicked over the pages as horror filled him. It was their first meeting. When he'd had to fight Tamahome.



Images flickered through his mind's eye of the fight and the days that happened after. "We had to wait three days to heal me. Mi-chan's arm got broken an' then Hotohori stabbed you." he whispered as he closed the book and rolled to the side, away from Tamahome.



"Ya know, I think I'm gonna go pay a visit to Jeice. Ya know, take him some dinner." he got to his feet and dropped the book on Tamahome. "We c'n read some more in the morning. I should be back by about eight or so."



Tamahome had sat up, refusing to look at the pages about what happened there. The book was dropped on him and he caught it, but had no desire anymore to look at it. "You're going to be away all night?" he asked, getting up and placing the book down for now.



"Yeah," Tasuki said simply as he grabbed his coat. "I don't sleep so good by myself. Nightmares. But, I'll be back in the mornin', ya don't gotta worry, Tama." He grinned over his shoulder then went to the kitchen and grabbed out a small container of leftovers. "I'll catch ya later, Tama. Have a good night."



"Hey!" He shouted as Tasuki tried to leave. "No, wait." He ran up to the door and put a hand on Tasuki's shoulder. "I'm sorry about what happened that night. In the book. " He clarified. "I don't think that's the reason why you feel the sudden urge to leave, but I wanted to say I'm sorry, again. Actually, I'd really rather you stay. You won't be alone, I'll be right over there." He pointed to the mat.



Tasuki shook his head. "I don't mean 'alone' as in alone in th' room, Tama. I mean alone in bed. It ain't always sexual, most times he just holds me. An' it's arright, I know you was brain washed or whatever, ya don't owe me an apology." he patted Tamahome's shoulder then smiled uncomfortably, shifting from foot to foot.



Tamahome was silent for a few moments, feeling the growing unease fill the small hallway. He really didn't want Tasuki going over there. Any number of things could happen, and not to mention Tasuki had tried to run away earlier that morning. "I'll do that." He jumped in, breaking the silence. "I'll sleep with.. um in the same bed as you, I don't have a problem with that." Damn what was he saying? He shouldn't lead Tasuki on like that, but it was only to keep him from having nightmares, and that was ok. It was nothing sexual, after all. He rationalized his actions.



"If you want someone to stay with you while you sleep, I'll do that. From what I could remember, we've done things like that before anyway." He smiled; hoping it would reassure him.



Tasuki blinked, "Ain't that gonna make ya... well, ya know.... uneasy? Ya know, after what I said an' all?" He turned from the stairs, looking back at Tamahome almost hopefully. "I mean, I wouldn't do nothin' to ya but..." He sighed, "I don't wanna make you do somethin' like that. We shared a bed in th' past, back before I even knew what sex was, Tama. A'course it was innocent."



"And it still is. I trust you." Tamahome opened up the door farther and smiled. "You're still innocent too, Tasuki. That blush on your face is evidence that you're still not entirely gone to the idea of modesty." Tamahome quirked a brow at him. "You think I'd really abandon a close friend if you needed me? It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, Tasuki."



Tasuki grumbled at himself for blushing. "Okay, but if ya feel uncomfortable at all let me know an' I'll go over to Jeice's. Understand? I'd rather walk down to that part a town in th' dark than make ya feel uncomfortable." He moved back into the apartment and went to his pallet to get ready for bed.



Tamahome stood over by where he had put "The Universe of the Four Gods" down and pet the cover, knowing that his whole life was written down on the pages. He wanted to read more, but there were things he was afraid of knowing.



He had forgotten his family's killer, and he wondered if that was better left unknown. He looked up at Tasuki and more thoughts came into his head; thoughts that could only be ascertained by reading further. "When you're done, I'm gonna take a quick shower, then I'll be right with you." He said, deciding to leave the book for another time.



Tasuki nodded, "Go ahead. I'm just gettin' ready for bed. Ya don't gotta watch." he pulled his shirt off over his head and folded it before setting it on the floor beside the bed. He glanced up at Tamahome with a grin, "I ain't gonna try an' leave ya tonight, Tama. I promise."



Tamahome smiled, knowing it was stupid, but couldn't help that those words calmed his fears. He nodded, stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. He took off the undershirt he wore and undid his pants, folding them up and hanging them on the towel rack. He stared at himself in the mirror for a minute, brushing his bangs away and looking at his forehead. Tamahome sighed and turned on the shower, testing it and then taking off the rest of his clothes and stepping in.



The water felt great on his shoulders and back. The muscles were still sore from the night before and he relaxed into the flow. After washing his hair, Tamahome leaned against the wall. He didn't feel right, it made him feel guilty and embarrassed, but if he was going to be sleeping next to Tasuki, he had to take care of the problem before it got worse. His hand reached down and cupped his erection.



He tried to think of Miaka, tried to make the guilt go away by imagining her face, her body, but it didn't do much good. The feel of Tasuki's lips came rushing back to him as well as the image of his body.



Tasuki waited a few minutes and when Tamahome didn't come back as soon as expected, he went to the door. He raised his hand to knock but dropped it; he just had to grab his boots out of there, no sense in startling Tamahome.



He quietly opened the door and reached for his boots, flicking a glance at the shower door. He stopped and stared for a moment, a blush coloring his cheeks as he backed out of the room as quietly as he'd come in.



He tried to stifle the final moan, but it wasn't easy. He hoped that the rush of the water would cover up any sound that carried out to the room. He smiled, catching his breath. "Tasuki." He whispered to himself. When he had calmed enough, he finished up and washed away the remnants of his guilty pleasure. He dried off, threw on pajama pants and a shirt, let the towel sling over his shoulders and stepped out of the bathroom, still working on toweling off his hair. "Sorry I took so long, but I really needed that." He swallowed as he realized it was more truth than excuse.



Tasuki smirked and nodded. "I'm sure ya did." he rolled to face the wall, "Go ahead an' get in. I don't move around no more so ya don't gotta worry 'bout me kickin' ya out of bed." He scooted over to make room, determined to keep his back to Tamahome so that he didn't find out about the problem he had. Getting an eyeful of Tamahome while he was pleasuring himself, no matter if the man had been imagining his girlfriend or not, had caused no small problem to arise.



Tamahome quirked an eyebrow at the smirk, but left it be and got in, pulling the covers up and reaching over to turn out the light. "Do you need me to do anything?" He asked, wondering if he needed anything special.



Tasuki shook his head, "Just lay behind me, ya don't gotta hold me or nothin' but it helps." This was going to get tricky if Tamahome put his arm around him; he'd have to make sure that his hand stayed clear of his belly. Not a good idea to let Tamahome know he was aroused, especially if he wanted to stay in that bed for the night.



Tamahome considered it. He supposed it was ok just to hold him a little, just comfort for him. He scooted over and put his hand on his chest. "Is that ok?" he asked



Tasuki nodded, hiding his face in the corner of the pillow. "Yeah, that's good, Tama." he whispered, gradually wrapping his fingers around Tamahome's wrist and pulling him a little closer. "Sorry, I'm used to... lots of contact. Is it okay if I scoot a little closer?" he gulped, knowing his request was madness but needing more than just a single touch.



"Mmm." he agreed slowly, and moved in closer, allowing Tasuki to scoot back. An immediate blush hit his cheeks when he felt the curve of Tasuki's body fit into his and he was very, very glad he had taken care of himself while in the shower.



He rearranged himself on his pillow and moved his nose closer to Tasuki's neck to get more comfortable. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and hoped that the thumping wasn't being felt through his clothes. "Good night, Tasuki." He said once he was settled. He took a breath and let it out in a long comfortable sigh. It actually felt really good to have someone to curl up with.



Tasuki pressed his back against Tamahome's front and drew his knees up. He shivered slightly as breath feathered over his neck and clenched his teeth, fighting back the urge to tuck his backside against Tamahome's groin.



"Good night, Tama-chan. Sleep well." he whispered back, wrapping his arm over Tamahome's and cuddling it to his chest. He breathed deeply, and released it in a sigh as he forced back the desire that was threading through him in favor of getting some sleep. He'd worry about getting back in the book tomorrow, for now he wanted to sleep beside Tamahome and let his dreams be sweetened by the gentleness of his touch and the fragrant body wash he used.



Tamahome let his breathing slow to a controlled sleep pace. He was never so glad that he had so much control over his heart rate as he was right then. He closed his eyes and smiled, but sleep didn't come so quickly. His lashes fluttered open shortly. He was careful not to move, not wanting to disturb Tasuki, but he couldn't go to sleep. He stared at the curve of Tasuki's neck and his hair for a long time. He dazed out, contemplating what he would do if Miaka didn't want to go to their world.



Tasuki drifted off, sleep wrapping him in her velvet embrace. He cuddled the arm to his chest, feeling safe and warm in the familiar arms. He molded his back to Tamahome's front, adjusting himself to where he felt most comfortable. "Nnn..." he purred sleepily, drawing up and kissing the palm in his grasp. "Tama. Mmm..."



Tamahome blinked out of his daze and looked at the back of Tasuki's head. His palm was kissed softly and Tasuki had gotten more comfortable. He smiled, glad that he could make Tasuki feel at ease through a rough time.



Tasuki rolled over, searching for a more comfortable position. He found it easily enough. He wriggled one leg between Tamahome's, one arm curled around Tama's waist, and he buried his face against Tamahome's chest. He sighed in contentment and pressed a kiss to the chest that acted as his pillow. He purred softly as his body settled. Content to sleep exactly where he was for the rest of the night.



Tamahome stiffened, keeping his arms away from Tasuki as he shifted closer and cuddled into him. ‘He doesn’t move anymore, huh? Yeah right.’ He thought as he waited for Tasuki to get comfortable. He worked hard to keep his breath steady, but his heart just wanted to race away. He swallowed and let his arms come down softly around Tasuki’s back and he put one hand to Tasuki’s hair, petting him gently.



Tamahome closed his eyes again. It seemed that Tasuki was settled and wouldn’t be tossing for at least a long while. He planted a quick kiss to the top of Tasuki's hair and settled on his pillow again.



~~



Tasuki woke in the early hours of the morning, his internal alarm not allowing him to sleep longer. He blinked sleepily at the chest his face was pressed against and smiled softly. He'd shifted around in his sleep again, a sign of complete trust for the man holding him.



He slowly leaned his head up to look at Tamahome while he slept; a pastime he enjoyed in the book when he'd woken early enough or gone to bed late enough.



He took stock of his position, blushing as he realized that one of his legs was pressed against Tamahome's morning erection and one of his hands had wriggled its way under the waistband of Tamahome's pants and was cupping his backside. He couldn't bring himself to move: both because he didn't want to wake Tamahome and because it felt nice to touch that warm skin.



He lay his head back down on the pillow, close enough that Tamahome's breath feathered over his lips. He wanted another taste of that mouth and, since this may be his last chance before he went back home, he gave in to the desire and kissed Tamahome softly.



Tamahome stirred at the touch on his lips. He smiled and pulled the sweet tasting lips closer, unconsciously kissing back. He wriggled contently against the warm body and drew in a breath. Everything felt and smelled different though. Miaka's small, soft body was now much larger and pleasantly firm. The familiar scent of sweet Sakura blossoms was replaced with a deeper woodsy smell.



His brow furrowed, "Tasuki?" His voice husky and dry from sleep. He blinked awake, becoming more aware of what he had just done.



Tasuki closed his eyes and feigned sleep; he didn't want Tamahome to know he had kissed him on purpose. "Nnn, too early Jeice. Don't want sex now, sleep." He hoped he sounded groggy enough to fool Tamahome, he was in no shape to explain after that kiss.



Tamahome listened to Tasuki’s mumbling. He breathed out a sigh of relief; glad to know Tasuki hadn’t caught him kissing him in his sleep again. He rested his head on the pillow again, still not wanting to wake Tasuki. He shifted a little onto his back and that was when he realized Tasuki’s hand was between him and his pants. His eyes went wide and the new knowledge made him not only blush, but caused his body to react in a not-so-great-when-people-were-around kind of way.



He certainly couldn’t wake Tasuki up like that. Tamahome closed his eyes and tried to will himself down. Tasuki’s body was still pressed up against him; Tasuki’s own arousal pressed firmly against him and his leg was in a very auspicious place to feel how he was feeling. The state of Tasuki’s body didn’t help Tamahome’s mission.



He squeezed his eyes shut and took a breath and tried again. “Please, please.” He whispered to himself, but it wasn’t working as much as making it worse.



Amused by Tamahome's reaction and the pleading words, Tasuki groaned and shifted his thigh higher as he pressed his morning erection against Tamahome's hip. "Nnn... ahh..." he moaned softly, his hand tightening on Tamahome's backside and pulling him closer. "Mmm, feels good." he whispered as he nudged his lips against Tamahome's chin.



He was enjoying the freedom of pretended sleep as he allowed his fingers to pull tighter at Tamahome's backside.



Tamahome's eyes slid shut against his will. Nothing in his entire body was working for him it seemed. His breath hitched, his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest. Worse of all was the betrayal between his legs. The more Tasuki moved, the worse it got. If he didn't stop this and wake Tasuki up, he would be sporting an impressive erection by the time he woke up naturally. His body didn't want to move, but he gulped down some remaining will and tried to slip up and away from the intruding leg. The most ideal scenario would be to get out of bed and into the bathroom before Tasuki had a chance to know how much his wiggling was getting to him.



Tasuki whined and clutched Tamahome tighter, nearly pulling the other man beneath him. He mentally kicked himself for whining but he hadn't wanted Tamahome to leave him yet. He still wanted to tease him and see what all kinds of reactions he'd get.



He tugged hard and pulled Tamahome to rest against his chest, his knees cradling Tamahome's hips and his arms winding tight around his back.

"Uuhn... Tama." he whispered as sleepily as he could, bumping his hips up to press against Tamahome's arousal briefly before dropping back to the bed with a shiver. He used every trick he could remember to tease and torment Tamahome, enjoying the freedom to move and tease under the guise of sleep.



He knew Tamahome would move away without touching him in any way that might be confused as wanting this, but he could still hope that he would at least get another kiss. If nothing else, that was what he wanted; a kiss that was given freely, without pity or friendship coloring it. He wanted Tamahome's desire to be the reason for any kisses he might get. He arched his head back, a needy moan slipping over his lips. "Please, nnn..."



Tamahome was almost out when Tasuki drug him back down. He closed his eyes. This was bad. There was an electric surge through him as Tasuki accidentally brushed his hips against him. "Aah." He bit back the rest of the moan, easing it out in huffed breaths.



His teeth clenched together to keep any other sounds from slipping past. Tamahome was caught in an elaborate twining of legs and arms. There was no way he was going to get out of this. He looked down at the sound of the plea issuing from Tasuki's sleeping mouth and instantly shut his eyes. That was a bad move. He bit his lower lip, trying to resist moving closer, but his body won out against his will.



His eyes peeked open and down to the soft, pouting curve of Tasuki's lips. He swallowed hard and licked his own lips. His breath came in hitched puffs, tripping while trying to catch up to his racing pulse. Was his head moving closer? He looked down and found it was true, he had inched his lips to a hair’s breadth from Tasuki's.



Tamahome gasped and froze. He could almost feel the pull of desire that demanded he kiss him. He licked his lips again and his eyes closed. He hovered between closing the small distance and pulling away for a moment before grabbing hold of his will power again. His eyes squeezed the image of Tasuki's lips out of his vision. He clenched his teeth and pulled away again. "Promise." He breathed out to himself, "Tamahome, you promised."



Tasuki's eyes fluttered open as he listened to Tamahome talk himself out of doing as he wanted to. One hand raised to the back of Tamahome's head and pulled him down, "Please Tama?"



Tamahome's eyes shot open. "T-Tasuki?" He stuttered and tried to wiggle out of the awkward situation. Then Tasuki's words hit him. He blinked down at his pretty, pleading face. "But I..." his body was moving on it's own again, pulling down, giving in to the hand on the back of his head. "Tasuki...”



‘Tell him you can't, tell him you don't want to.’ He screamed at himself. But it wasn't true. He did want to, ever since their first accidentally physical encounter. He stilled his lips a breath away from touching Tasuki. His eyelashes feathered against Tasuki's cheek as he looked down to make sure he hadn't broken his word. "Tasuki, I c-can't do this." he reluctantly finished.



Tasuki nodded and released Tamahome from his grasp, his legs dropping away from Tama's hips. "My mistake. Guess this was a bad idea." He looked anywhere but at Tamahome. "I'll just sleep at Jeice's from now on. Thanks for tryin', Tama."



"Yeah, I guess that's a better idea." Tamahome sighed, reluctant to give Tasuki up. "I'm sorry, Tasuki." He got out of the bed, eager to end the awkwardness. Once he did though, he was sorry. One, because he missed the warmth of Tasuki next to him and two, because he was more than meagerly aroused. He darted off into the bathroom with a word of apology to Tasuki and a bright red blush on his cheeks.



Tasuki watched him go with a knowing smile. The bathroom door closed and he sighed, glaring down at his own erection. "Yeah, ya hadda go an' scare him off." he growled at it, dropping his head back to the pillow. "Now I gotta fix this before he comes back out."



He pulled the blankets up to his chest and smoothed a hand down his belly, gripping his arousal tightly. He closed his eyes and bit his lip, imagining Tamahome's hand rather than his own. He whined and thrashed his head back and forth as he dipped two fingers into himself; he'd been close before, so it came as no surprise that he finished quickly. The cry he barely bit back had surprised him, though. He rarely felt the need to cry out when he came.



The fact that Tamahome's name came out as a strangled yelp, surprised him most of all.



Tamahome leaned his back against the door, sighing. He looked down. Yeah, before he got dressed and went to work, he was going to have to do something about this. He rolled over, placing his forehead to his arm against the door and reached into his pants.



He didn't even try to imagine his girlfriend this time. He knew whom his body wanted, and it wanted Tasuki. No matter how much his heart felt like he was betraying Miaka, he couldn't control the image of his long lost friend's body pressed up against his. Both of them doing their best to make the other cum, hot skin smoothing against his hips. The taste of Tasuki's skin, his own skin and hair damp. He wanted to be inside of him. Dear god's did he just think that?



Tamahome chuckled through the stifled moans and pressed his face against the cool wood grain. There was no denying it; he was picturing Tasuki's face, how he would look when he made him cum. Another deep moan escaped his lips. His free hand opened and tried to clutch at the door. "T-Tasu-ki!" He groaned his name as he felt himself release.



Tasuki sat up with a sigh and kicked off the blankets, he'd have to do laundry later if he wanted Tamahome to sleep in a clean bed. Rather than cause another embarrassing situation, he went to the kitchen and cleaned himself up.



He washed his hands and went about finding another pair of pants to put on. He really didn't want Tamahome to see his soiled pajama pants and know what he'd done. He dropped the soft cotton to the floor and reached for the jeans he'd taken off the night before when he heard the bathroom door open.



He dove back to Tamahome's bed and pulled the blankets up, "Uh, mornin' Tama. Could ya turn around? I uh... well I'm kinda naked right now." he looked at the floor, his cheeks heating.



Tamahome stared wide-eyed for a second before he yelped a response and turned around, also turning bright red. He had just gotten through with taking care of the problem Tasuki had caused, and knowing that he was in his bed naked was causing his mind to wander. He willed his thoughts to stop. He had already changed and only had one other pair of work uniform pants, which didn't quite fit him anymore. He took a breath. "Let me know when you're done."



Tasuki hurriedly kicked the blankets off and shoved his feet into the jeans, laying back in order to pull them over his hips. He fastened the button, "Arright," he said as the zipper slid closed. "I'm decent. Sorry 'bout that. You came back sooner than I thought ya would."



He got up and went back to the kitchen, burning off nervous energy as he hurried to put together something for Tamahome's lunch. "Anythin' special ya want in yer lunch?" he tried to make his voice sound normal, but he squeaked a little and had to clear his throat.



Tamahome smiled. "You." He said softly to himself. "No. Anything you have is fine." He grabbed a shirt out of the closet and fastened the buttons. He pulled on the rest of his gear, fully aware that it was earlier than he needed to be dressed. "Could we maybe have breakfast together before I leave?" He asked.



Tasuki stopped shoving food in a bento box and looked at Tamahome curiously. "You have time?" His mind already going over their stock to make breakfast, he turned and bent to look in the fridge. "Well, we can have an American breakfast. I really suck at makin' sweet rice. So, how do pancakes, eggs, and sausage sound?" he asked, not looking back at Tamahome.



"Nothing too heavy." Tamahome said. "I have my twenty four hour shift today and I want to be able to stay alert." He yawned as if demonstrating that he was already breaking his objective.



Tamahome made his way into the narrow kitchen. "Do you need any help? Despite what other's may tell you, I can actually take care of myself, you know." He chuckled.



Tasuki stood back up and grinned over his shoulder at Tama. "Yeah, but I wanna be able to eat. Maybe you c'n do basic things like walk and feed yourself, but I bet ya suck as a cook." He frowned at the mention of the long shift. "All day an' all night?" He turned back to the fridge as his eyes took on a calculating gleam.



Tamahome sighed and folded his arms on the top of the door of the refrigerator, leaning over to talk to Tasuki. "Yeah, but the day after is my off duty day. I'll be home all day and maybe we can go over the book if it isn't too strange." He straightened up and let Tasuki close the door. "You can come by for lunch. I work in the koban on the intersection near the supermarket. It'd be nice to meet you."



Tasuki smiled wide and started breakfast, "Yeah, instead of sendin' you a cold lunch, I c'n bring you a hot lunch." He pushed away the thought that had occurred to him; Tamahome was not asking him on a lunch date. He turned back to the stove, brushing past Tamahome as he went. He hummed a soft tune as he cooked, his mind turning over ideas. He'd have all day and all night to try and get back in the book. Tamahome would never know unless it worked.



He'd wait until after their da... lunch meeting to try. He wanted to spend his last few minutes in this world with Tamahome. Even if it meant nothing to Tamahome, it would mean something to him.



Tamahome walked back to the couch and sat down. There wasn't much to do in the early hours before his shift, and now with Tasuki cooking and cleaning house for him he didn't know what to do with himself. He fussed a bit with his belt, tied and untied his tie, fiddled with his cuffs. "Tasuki, are you sure you don't need help?" He hollered.



Tasuki shook his head, "Nah, I got it. Just sit tight. I'll be done in a minute." he called back, flipping a pancake. "Want blueberries or just syrup?" he asked, gathering a few berries in his palm. "I'm a havin' some, if ya want some too."



"Berries sound good." He fidgeted in his seat and waited.



Tasuki finished up quickly, plating the food up and carrying it to the low table from the night before. "Wanna sit here or over there?" He fidgeted a little, his belly had been empty since the afternoon before and after this morning's denied activities he was very hungry. "What do ya wanna drink?" he asked as he set the plates on the table. "Anythin' else ya wanna add to it while I'm up? I'll get ya what ya want."



Tamahome grabbed Tasuki's wrist and steadied him. "I'll get the drinks." He said simply. He placed a hand on Tasuki's shoulder and pushed him to sit, then wandered off to the kitchen. "I usually just drink water, but there is some orange juice if you want it."



Tasuki blinked but shrugged. "Sure, I'll try some." he smiled and sat down, it was strange to get help around the house.



A thought occurred to him and he laughed; they were acting like an old married couple. Speaking of married couples, he opened his mouth before checking with his brain first. "Hey, Tama, when are you and Mi-chan getting married? I figure ya are someday, just wonderin' if I could go. Maybe come back long enough t'see ya get married an' then go back."



Tamahome narrowed his eyes as he filled up the glasses. "Oh really?" He said, feigning ignorance of what Tasuki just said. He walked back to the table and put down the glasses. "We haven't talked about it, really." He took a sip of his water. "So, come back huh? You're planning on leaving me here then?" His tone was even and cool. He peered over the rim of the glass to Tasuki.



Tasuki blinked, "Well, uh, I kinda figured you'd be stayin' here. Ya know, to be with Mi-chan." a blush crept up his neck to warm his face. "N-not like I'm plannin' on bailing out on ya. Heh heheh..." He looked away, unable to keep eye contact for long. "Not like it matters, you'd sleep better when I go. Less chance a wakin' up bein' molested like today. Sorry 'bout that, Tama. I really didn't mean to do that to ya."



Tasuki was lying, he was lying right to his face and that got Tamahome angrier than he expected to get. "You didn't molest me." He growled. Strange, was that what he was angry about? "I want to go back there. I need to go back and find my real life."



He crawled over to Tasuki. Tamahome put his hands on his shoulders and looked straight into Tasuki's eyes. "I am going with you. You're not going to dare keep me away from my real life, my memories. Tasuki, you've been my friend since from before I can remember, I'm not going to let this thing come between us." His eyes pleaded with him.



Tasuki blinked in surprise, suppressing the shudder that went through him at the look in Tamahome's eyes as well as the grip on his shoulders. "But, I did. I... I was awake." he blushed and looked away.



He sighed, "I'm not tryin' to keep you from your memories, I'm tryin' to get out of the way. I keep... I feel like I'm tryin' to come between you an' Mi-chan. It's safer if I go back without ya. Ya know, kinda like takin' temptation outta th' way."



Tamahome studied Tasuki's face for a moment. "Fine, if you want to go because you feel guilty, then go ahead." He couldn't take the bitter tone out of what he said. "It won't matter Tasuki." Tamahome slipped his hand behind Tasuki's neck and pulled him in close, holding his lips just outside Tasuki's reach before running the tip of his nose up the side of his jaw and whispering in his ear. “You'll still be the one I think about when I cum."



He released Tasuki's neck and got to his feet. "I'll leave the book here if you still really want to go, but think about the futility of it at least." Tamahome waved over his shoulder and grabbed his coat, flinging it over his shoulder. "See you at lunchtime."



Tasuki sat staring at Tamahome for a moment, a blush darkening his face. Damn, that had sent a tingle through his whole body and now he was saddled with a very happy Tasuki jr. waiting to be petted. He growled and got to his feet, following Tamahome to the door. "Oh no ya don't, mister!" he growled as he grabbed Tamahome's shoulder and spun him around, pressing his back against the doorframe. "You don't get to say somethin' like that without gettin' paid back." he raised up on his toes and licked Tamahome's lower lip.



He slid his lips across Tamahome's slowly; "I called your name when I came this morning.” He growled, “I laid in your bed and imagined you touchin' me, pretended that it was your fingers inside me, makin’ me hot and weak. I imagined you plunging into me, deep and hard, and making me cum." he smirked then kissed Tamahome quickly. "Go to work. I'll see ya at lunch." He smirked, a lusty gleam in his eyes.



Tamahome was bested at his own game. He stood motionless in front of the door, a new light of desire burned in his lower belly. Something inside of him broke. His will, his resistance, or his resolve; call it what you will, but it snapped. Tamahome threw his coat to the floor and grabbed Tasuki's face in both his hands, covering his mouth with a hungry and needy kiss. He pushed him against the kitchen wall, parting his lips with his tongue and tasting the inside of Tasuki's mouth.



A lusty moan rose up out of him and he walked Tasuki backwards, still planting kisses on his lips, to the bed.



Tasuki gasped, clutching at Tamahome's neck in an effort to keep him locked to his mouth. Desire flared hotter than before. He clawed at the restrictive shirt that kept him from touching skin, desperate for him.



He tugged at the belt holding Tamahome's pants closed, then dipped his hand inside. A groan escaped him as the heat of Tamahome's arousal fit into his palm. He backed to the bed, pulling Tamahome by his neck and erection, teasing and taunting him with skilled fingers.



Tamahome didn't hold back. His breath escaped him in moans and gasps. His hands fumbled, lust-blinded, up and under Tasuki's shirt, eagerly slipping it over his head while trying desperately not to lose Tasuki's mouth. His skin was hot and firm, fueling his burning desire. Tasuki's hands felt miraculous wrapped around him, working him to full arousal. "Tasuki." He gasped between hungry kisses down Tasuki's neck and up to his ear. He sucked the lobe into his mouth and bit it lightly; "I want you. Oh gods, I need you."



Tasuki shivered in response, nodding silently as he shoved Tamahome's pants down his hips. He dropped to his knees and took Tamahome into his mouth, implementing every bit of skill he had come to possess. He hummed around his mouthful. His eyes closed and he opened his throat to ensure that he took in every inch.



Tamahome swooned. He had never expected anything to feel as good as this felt. He fought to keep his head from flinging backwards with the force of his moans, but he needed to see Tasuki, needed to know it was him making him feel like this. Tamahome's fingers alternately pet and grasped at Tasuki's hair as his hips thrust, wanting more of that sweet feeling.



The pure rough desire entwined in their actions, the light press of Tasuki's fangs along his length. It was all so different, rooted in an almost animalistic need. He liked it. "Tasuki." He called his lover's name openly in the small apartment, "Oh gods, Tasuki, y-you feel so good."



A tingle went through him at Tamahome's hoarse cry, and he sucked hard for another moment before releasing him from his mouth. "Mmm," he growled, standing up and dropping his pants to the floor. "I like that."



He tugged Tamahome’s shirts off and sat on the bed, "Come to me, love." he said as he lay back on the bed and pulled Tamahome down over top of him. "Please, Tama, I need you inside me. Don’t push me away again.” He raised his hips and pressed his erection to Tamahome’s, shivering in need as they slid against each other. He pulled his knees up, cradling Tamahome’s hips between his thighs as he pulled Tama’s lips down to his own in a hungry kiss.



Tamahome was obediently tugged down, not wanting to miss a second of Tasuki's lips. His words filled his ears and went straight to his groin. "I need you, Tasuki." he breathed heavily out. "Gods, I need to be inside of you." He echoed Tasuki's words with his own desire. Pressing greedy kisses down Tasuki's neck to his shoulder, Tamahome slid his hand down Tasuki's body to his erection. He nearly died right there; the feel of Tasuki's firm length in his hand nearly made him cum right then. His hand curled and dug into Tasuki's back to keep himself contained.



Tasuki's back nearly bowed off of the bed; his head tossed back as a gasp left his lips. His hands tightened on the back of Tamahome's head in an effort to keep him close. "Aahnnn... Oh gods, Tama... hnn..." He whimpered and moaned, writhing in desperation. He pulled Tamahome tighter to his chest, his legs wrapping around his hips to pull him where he was needed. "Please, yes, please."



Tamahome's hands stroked Tasuki, enjoying the feeling of his soft skin over the hardness of his erection, then he lifted a finger and rubbed the tip, coating his fingers in the small preview of liquid that pooled there. He brought his fingers to his lips; he needed to taste him. His heart beat loud in his ears as he pushed his fingers in his mouth and sucked the sweet, salty taste from them.



He smiled and hummed in approval, bringing his saliva-slicked fingers to Tasuki's opening. "Tasuki, I want you." He whispered in Tasuki's ear and held him close to his skin as he slid a finger gently inside him.



Tasuki shivered, his passions mounting as he watched Tamahome taste his essence from his fingers. Amber darkened to molten gold as he felt the first touches at his entrance. His hips thrust up, pulling that teasing finger further inside him. "H-ah, more." he begged, his fingers removing themselves from Tamahome's hair to trail down his chest.



He teased Tamahome's erection, the pads of his fingers fluttering over the sensitive head. He wanted to return the pleasure he'd been given. "Tama, more. Gods, faster! Hnn!"



Tamahome pushed in further, Tasuki's plea for more ringing in his body. He couldn't wait any longer. "Anything for you, Tasuki." Tamahome whispered against his lips and kissed him deeply, pressing the tip of his cock against him. He looked into Tasuki's eyes, dark and seductive, and pushed inside a little bit. He took care not to be too rough, pushing in only as Tasuki's own body pulled him. Tamahome wanted Tasuki to feel nothing but pleasure.



Tamahome's lips parted in a breathy sigh as he slowly felt Tasuki wrap around him. His warmth filling his whole body.



Tasuki's head snapped up and a cry of pleasure rang out into the room, "Oh gods!" He tightened his thighs around Tamahome's flanks, his heels pressing against Tama's bottom to push him in further.



There was the usual twinge of pain, but he pushed it out of his mind in favor of allowing his body to remember every moment of being connected to his lover. He leaned up and begged with a wild kiss for Tamahome to move. He was losing his mind at this slow pace, but –goddamn- it felt so good.



He trailed a hand down to pink nipples, tweaking them gently. "More, give me all of you. Please, more! Ahhnn... feels so good." he rocked his hips up, pulling more in.



Tamahome nodded, and gave his body over to desire. He pulled out a little and then thrust deep inside Tasuki's opening. His body trembled in pleasure, tight muscles griped and pulled at him inside Tasuki's body. "Oh gods, Tasuki. Tasuki!" He rocked his hips forward again and felt another burst of ecstasy rush through him. His back arched into his lover, his whole body tensing and wanting more, more. He pulled himself down to Tasuki's lips, pressing their chests together, the hot skin burning away the last bit of sanity he held onto.



"Tasuki... good... so good!" He pressed small kisses up to Tasuki's ear and slid his hand down to cup Tasuki's thigh around his hip.



"Ah! Tama, oh yes!" he gasped, his hands moving down to cup Tamahome's ass. His legs moved higher, allowing him to push Tamahome's hips forward and add more strength to the thrusts. He whined into the teasing kisses at his ear, arching his neck and begging for more. "Oh goddamn, oh yeah. Hnnn!" He gripped Tamahome's ass in both hands, clenching and kneading the taut flesh. He bucked his hips up into every thrust, nearly clawing at the flesh in his palms. "Yes, oh yeah, Tama. Hnn, hnn, aah!" he was getting close, even after his earlier release. He'd wanted Tamahome for too long to last as long as he wanted to. "Tama, more. Oh gods, Tama, I-I... AH!" he bit down on his lips in an effort to keep in the words that had almost slipped out.



Tamahome put every effort behind each thrust, pushing as much of himself inside as Tasuki would take. He kissed Tasuki's lips over the small fang that bit them, running his tongue along their soft curve and dipping between them to taste Tasuki's mouth. He needed more, and Tasuki was demanding it from him.



Pulling them both up, he kneeled and rested Tasuki against his chest, straddling his lap. He placed soft kisses to Tasuki's chest and down to the taut pink of his nipple. His tongue lapped at the hardened flesh as his hips bucked up into Tasuki. "What do you want Tasuki?" He cooed into his neck. "I'll give you anything you want." Tamahome wrapped his hand around Tasuki's cock, stroking firm and fast, in time with his thrusts.



Tasuki moaned loudly, "You, just you. All of you." he panted out, "Only you." He adjusted a bit so his feet and legs could assist, raising himself and rocking forward into each thrust. He leaned back a little bit, allowing Tamahome to thrust deeper into him "Oh gods, Tama, you fit..." he gasped, his fingers digging into Tamahome's shoulders. "So perfect... inside me."



His vision began to dance, red light surrounding them both. Tamahome hit his prostate with a hard thrust and his vision went completely white. "AAH! Oh, coming, coming! Tamahome, oh I'm coming!" He pulled himself up, clutching at Tamahome's back. "Oh gods, Tamahome, I'm coming!" he convulsed, his body locked and spasmed around Tamahome's arousal.



"I love you!" he cried out, sobbing his release into Tamahome's neck.



Tamahome clutched his lover close to his chest and thrust deeply into him a final time. His passion peeked as soon as he heard Tasuki coming. ‘I love you’ rang in his ears and he held his final position, spending his seed deep inside Tasuki’s sleek heat. He panted as spurts of orgasm ran through him in receding waves. Tamahome kissed Tasuki's chest, tasting the salt on his skin. He wanted to reciprocate, but couldn't bring his lips to say it. "Tasuki." he clamped his mouth over Tasuki's and left him with a warm kiss. The feel of Tasuki's tongue stayed with him even after he’d pulled away. "I..." He couldn't say it, "I.... I should really get to work." He let out with a defeated sigh.



It was a terrible lie, especially since he was still buried deeply inside of him. It shamed him and brought Tamahome down from the elated space he was in just seconds before. "I'm sorry." He whispered.



Tasuki blinked, his mind fuzzy and lazy. "Mmm? Work?" At first not comprehending what Tamahome was talking about, but once 'I'm sorry' pierced his foggy mind, he snapped back to attention. A blush colored his face and he turned his head to the side. "Yeah, go to work, Tamahome. I'll see ya later." He scooted back, hissing as Tamahome slid from his body. As soon as he'd untangled himself from his lover, he smiled up at him. Eyes closed, blatantly false smile curving his lips. "Don't worry about it, Tamahome. I'm a whore, remember? I'm used to bein' used for pleasure. Don't worry about it." He reached for his pants on the floor and pulled them on quickly.



Hurt dampened Tamahome's features, "Tasuki, it wasn't..." he sighed. If he couldn't say 'I love you' to someone he had just made love to, it wasn't much more than sex. Guilt filled him to over flowing. He grabbed his shirts and threw them on as quickly as possible, suddenly feeling extremely naked.



Once he was dressed again, he slowly made his way, sadly, to the door. His hand hesitated on the handle. "Tasuki," He ran back to the bed and kissed him as sweetly as he could. "You'll come by for lunch right?" He asked, resting his forehead against Tasuki’s.



Tasuki stared numbly up at him, "Yes, of course. I'll be there." his voice held no inflection, flat and emotionless as his eyes had become as soon as he'd realized that he'd been used yet again. "Go on, Tamahome. You're going to be late. I will see you at lunch." he was holding together by a single thread, waiting until he could be alone.



He pushed at Tamahome's chest, urging him out the door. "You'll be in trouble if you are late. Breakfast will be waiting for you when you get home and I will see you this afternoon at lunch. Please, go."



Tamahome was pushed against his will, nearly tripping over his own feet and he was backed to the door. "But, T- Tas..." He stuttered and couldn't get out anything before the door was closed on him. He stared at the door for a long while before he gave up and walked to his car.



Tamahome drove to work in a daze of guilt and sadness. He had just used one of his best friends for nothing but a few moments of pleasure. He was no better than the men who bought him; no he was worse. He didn't even give him any compensation. Tasuki was even going out of his way to make house for him to 'pay' for room and board while he stayed. "You idiot!" He shouted at himself, feeling lower than dirt as he pulled in to the station.



Tasuki stared at the door for a long moment before turning and walking to the bedside table; he lifted the book and opened it to the preface. "Take me home. Please, I can't stay here anymore. Please, take me home." he begged, his voice breaking.



Red light surrounded him and peace settled over him for a moment. He closed his eyes, pleading from his heart.



When he opened his eyes again, he stood just outside the gates of his mother's old farm. "Thank you, Suzaku." he whispered as he fell to his knees and sobbed.



~~



Tamahome went through his day in the same guilty daze he left the house with.



"Hey, Tamahome." An arm flung around his shoulder. "You look well rested."



Officer Kanaka-san winked at him. Tamahome hadn't ever realized that the guy he had become closest to in this world looked a lot like Tasuki. The similarity was too much for him right now.



"Your Miaka treat you nice last night?"



Tamahome's breath stopped and he felt his heart sink. "Miaka." He whispered to himself.



"Hey, sorry, Tamahome-san." He flung up his hands in surrender. "Didn't mean to hit a nerve."



"No Daisuke-san," Tamahome forced a smile through his thoughts. "I just didn't get much sleep and Miaka is leaving for America for a week."



"Oh man, sorry to hear it, you two are like, joined at the hip or somethin'." He went on to say more, but Tamahome had stopped paying attention. He got into his patrol car, happy to be alone with his fairly silent partner. They worked the rest of the day in unusual silence, but he never commented on it.



Sometime near lunch his phone rang. He looked at the screen wide eyed and scared. "Miaka." He let the phone ring, but she called back. "No, sorry Miaka, I've got no time today. .... No, you know the rules. I can't unless it's far enough away and I just can't take the time.... I know, I know. .... I... mmm, have a nice day."



He hung up the phone.



He had just lied to her. Not only that, he couldn't say the words back to her when she told him she loved him. He sat down on the curb and ducked his head between his knees. Tears fell silently to the ground, he had never lied to her, never wronged her like this.



"Tasuki..."



~~



Tamahome waited for 40 minutes outside the koban. He watched the time tick by on his watch, no Tasuki. He walked around the outside of the little station and rested again in his spot for another few minutes before he got fed up enough to check back home.



He opened up the door and called for Tasuki. It didn't take long to find him not there. Only a few more seconds and he knew exactly what had happened.



The book lay half-open, face down on the floor. He slid to the book and flipped through the pages to the end. Tasuki knelt in front of his home, crying. "TASUKI!" he screamed at the book.



~~



Tasuki gathered himself together, drying his face on his bare arm. "Tadaima." he called out as he wandered through the front gate.



Time had not been kind to the little farm; fields lay fallow and untended, weeds grew up in his mother's herb garden, and the house looked as though no one had been there for years.



Exactly as he'd left it.



Aidou had finally found a husband and moved away from home, not long after, Ma had died and left him the family farm. He'd always intended to come back to this place and make it as prosperous as when his father had been alive, he'd just not gotten the chance until now.



He made his way into the house and looked at the sheet-covered furnishings, his mind recalling when it had been clean and warm. Now it was a ghost of his past.



He wandered down the hall to his old room, tossing aside the sheets and blankets on his childhood bed and lay down. He would deal with getting his home in working order tomorrow, after he had time to sleep away his shame and hurt.



Sleep didn't come to him though; he stared at the wall in silence and watched the last few days with Tamahome play out in front of him.



He laughed cynically; how could he have been duped so easily? It was as plain as day; Tamahome loved his miko and always would. Nothing in heaven or on earth could change that. It had been proven time after time; why had he believed that making love to Tamahome would change it? "Ah, Tasuki, you idiot. You knew how he felt for her, why did you allow him to use you like all of the others? Why did you have to let him into your heart? Are you a glutton for pain?" he asked aloud, staring at the yellowed wall.



It was funny, really. He'd been sent to Miaka's world to become a whore, found the one brother he really wanted to find, slept with him, and been tossed aside. But, out of all of the men he'd serviced in the past, none had made him feel needed, wanted, cherished and then made love him as passionately only to toss him aside like so much trash. "I thought... Gods, Tama, why did you even give me hope?"



~~



Tamahome left Tasuki on the bed of his old house, and leafed through the pages. As he thought. Nothing about how Tasuki got in, just that he appeared. It killed him to follow Tasuki through his depression. The book didn't tell his exact thoughts, but enough for Tamahome to know he was solely responsible.



He hesitated before looking back at the pages describing what Tasuki was doing.



He was torn. His heart not feeling settled for the first time in years. He had stepped away from Miaka, and yet he couldn't let go, couldn't move to another spot. Not yet.



He closed the book, not being able to take the heartache any more, and went to the kitchen. He kept a bottle of sake in his cabinets. Not once had he touched it, not really being one for the taste or the feel, but he grabbed it out of the cabinets and ripped off the seal. He brought it to the bed and lay down, gulping straight from the bottle. His chest was tight, tears welled up in his eyes, but he didn't want to cry. ‘I don't deserve to cry.’ He thought to himself and closed his eyes and took another sip.



~~



Tasuki woke to the dawn of a new day, heart heavy and eyes filled with sand. He hadn't slept very much, and what sleep he had gotten had been of the moments that he'd spent in Tamahome's arms. Those dreams were more painful than all of the nightmares he'd ever had combined.



"Mornin' Tama," he said to himself, "Guess you've figured out where I went. I lied to ya, I know, and I'm sorry but I hadda get away from ya. I had to go home without ya. I couldn't see you again, it hurts."



He wandered out of his room, keep up his one-sided conversation with Tamahome. "Ya see, I been in love with ya since back before Nuriko-kun died. I begged Taiitsukun to let me go to Mi-chan's world, just for th' chance to see ya. I would'a been fine with just lookin' at ya. I always was, but ya noticed me this time. You saw what I was and helped me."



He chattered on about how much he'd enjoyed being just in the same home as Tamahome as he went about cleaning the house. "I know it was wrong a me to tempt ya, but... I love you. Now, a'course, everything's different. Ya know what I feel for ya, and I know that you was just like the rest of 'em; wanted me just for a piece of ass."



For hours he ranted, the house slowly becoming livable once more. When he finally stopped for the day, the house was clean, furniture dusted, and pantry cleaned out. As he lay on the floor of the living room, he stared up at the ceiling. "I bet ya wonder how I got home, Tama, an' I'll tell ya, but I don't think it'll work for ya. You gotta want it from the pit of yer soul. An' I know ya don't. Be happy with Mi-chan, Tama, an' know ya take my heart with ya wherever ya go." he closed his eyes and cried himself to sleep once more.



~~



Tamahome stared up at the ceiling for who knows how long. He had forgotten about going back to work. He just lay there, staring up into nothingness. He had given up on the sake long ago. The still barley-touched bottle lay at his side. There was a call on his phone. He knew who it was before he picked it up.



"Hey Tamahome, are you coming back? The chief is worried that ya might have gone and gotten yourself killed or somethin'."



"I'm.. I'm not I can't come back today. I'm sick." And he was only halfway lying when he said that. "I'll be in for my next shift but could you cover for me for the rest of the day?"



"Yeah, I guess I can.” He wasn't pleased, and Tamahome could tell.



He gave a joyless scoff at the irony. He had covered for him that night at the library, when his life took a turn for the worse.



"Thanks." He hung up without saying good bye and flung the phone down on the bed.



It was a few hours before he ventured another painful look at the book. He gasped at first, but then smiled bitterly to himself. Tasuki was already there for a week now. Maybe he'd want to see him by the time he figured out what was in his heart.



It was cruel really. Being able to hear his words to him and not being able to respond.



"Tasuki, I'm sorry." He spoke to the book, knowing it was useless, it was a one way radio.



~~



Tasuki wiped the sweat from his brow, looking over the fields he'd spent the better part of a week getting tilled and planted. He was still talking to Tamahome daily, not ranting anymore, just talking. It made him feel less lonely. Always, at the end of the day, he'd talk about what all he had done.



"Na, Tama, wonder if'n ya been readin' about me. Not that I expect ya to, but just curious. I kinda feel like a madman talkin' to th' sky or to th' ceilin' over my bed. Now that I ain't so... well, uh, heartbroken, I kinda see why ya did what ya did." he leaned against the horse-less plow and took a deep breath.



He closed his eyes; "Ya pitied me. After I told ya that I wanted ya, you allowed yerself to break yer vow to Mi-chan an' give me a taste of what bein' only yours felt like. Can't say I hate it. Made me realize that I was one lucky bastard; I got to pretend I had you long enough to really envy and appreciate what Mi-chan took for granted. Thanks, Tama, an' I ain't gonna bug ya with my stupid yappin' no more. I said everything I wanted to tell ya and now I'm done."



Gasping in a deep breath to keep the tears in check, he raised his face to the sky. "I'm goin' to Taiitsukun again. Gonna ask her to erase me from th' book in your world. Maybe see if she can erase me all together."



~~



Tamahome's eyes went wide. Tears fell freely from them, falling with soft plips on the book.



"No." He whispered to the pages.



Drip, drip.



"NO!" Tamahome shouted at Tasuki. "Tasuki don't you dare do anything that stupid!"



Useless, Tasuki couldn't hear him.



Plip, drop.



Tamahome closed the book, cradling it carefully under his arm. He ran outside, and to the only place he could go. Miaka's university.



He knocked wildly on the door to their dorm room. "YUI!! OPEN UP, YUI!!!!"



Other doors opened, girls peeking out to see what the madman in the hallway wanted with their classmate, and then quickly closed.



"Yui, please...." No answer. Miaka was in the air now. Flying blissfully unaware of the downward spiral her boyfriend was cast into. Unaware of one of her seishi's suicidal thoughts. Tamahome slid his back down the door, and just sat on the welcome mat, sobbing and laughing at himself. Time was flying by in the book. He was afraid to open it up, afraid of blank pages. So he just sat in a crumpled heap in a police uniform at the doorstep of his miko's dorm room.



~~



"What th' fuck do ya mean ya can't erase me from th' book, ya old hag?! Yer th' fuckin' controller of the goddamned universe! Why NOT?!" Tasuki shouted, his head a myriad of bumps and bruises from the severe whacking the old woman had graced him with. He'd traveled a week and a half at top speed to get to the holy mountain, only to hear this.



"Because, Flame-Boy, there is yet another chapter to be written before the book can close completely. Only one person can close it for good, but if that person chooses to refrain from fulfilling their part then the book will continue to write itself in that world." She answered, whacking him again on top of the head.



"Goddamnit! Ya know why I wanna be erased, just fuckin' do it! This mysterious person don't got nothin' to do with me, so just fucking erase me already!" In a fit of anger, he whipped the tessen off of his back and flamed a large portion of the gardens that she'd insisted on meeting him in.



"No, you are essential to the story ending. You will close this book; you will resolve the problems that have sprung up due to your wish to go to the miko's world. Live with it." She growled, dismissing the flames as well as the seishi who had conjured them.



~~



Tamahome's tears dried up. Soon there was just no more strength in him to keep the sobs going. He looked at the book accusingly. Would he open it to find his friend dead? It would be his fault. As it stood now, he was still alive, even if he had been erased from the book, he was still alive as long as he didn't open the book and prove it.



No, no Tasuki must still be alive, or else he wouldn't have any memories of him. He put a hand to the door and pushed himself up, wobbling on his feet, and dragged himself back. What had he hoped to accomplish? What did he think the miko’s could do? Wish him back in? Make Tasuki stop? Wish this whole thing never happened?



That would be ideal. He wouldn't have hurt anyone. Tasuki would have remained a faceless name if he ever managed to remember him. But that wasn't what his heart wanted, not really. He didn't bother shutting the door to his apartment. He flopped down on the bed. Flashes of the last memory he had in that spot ignited his pain again. He hurt, but he tried to think, he forced himself to think hard about what he wanted.



Tamahome suddenly sat up and flung open the book. His eyes found new tears when he saw Tasuki's name still on the page. "Suzaku, my God. Take me there. Take me home... please." He didn't have to hope that it would work. He felt the intense need, the desire that was almost as strong as when he had first kissed Tasuki. It lit a red light inside and around him. When he opened his eyes again, he was standing in front of a half-standing shack. Burned tatters of thatch roofing lay in a pile at his feet. He knew it immediately. His old home. He knew, remembered it all. Their deaths here; the fight with Suboshi. He fell to his knees.





~~~~



Thank you for reading. Chapter 4 is in the words at the present moment. Look for it to be out... uh, when I get it written. XDD