There's Something About Birdstyle

DISCLAIMER: This story is a non-commercial work of fiction based on the anime GATCHAMAN. Original copyright of GATCHAMAN belongs to Tatsunoko Productions and Sandy Frank Entertainment. Absolutely no monetary gain has been made with this work.


THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT BIRDSTYLE
© April 9, 2008 By Rory V. Pascual

PART THREE

As most science-fiction stories go, monsters are born from the best intentions of the scientists who create them.

Unknown to Nambu-Hakase, one such menace was being born in a decrepit trailer parked in a clearing in a small forest. Inside, someone shouted, "CONDOR GO!" The trailer began shaking, rainbow-colored lights flashing through the windows. Just as suddenly as the disturbance began, the shaking and the lights died down as if nothing had happened. For a few minutes, silence descended upon the clearing.

Then, there was a horrified shriek, and Joe stumbled out of his trailer and rushed to the nearby creek, puking his guts out. He flinched at the sight of his reflection in the water. Joe was dressed in a tacky blue shirt, with white piping at the hems of the sleeves, tucked into white pants; a red ribbon was tied around his neck. His nape-length brown locks was slicked back into a circa Sixties-style haircut.

"Damn it! Wrong anime!" The Condor cursed under his breath. "I look like that speed freak, Go Mifune!"

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Joe marched back inside his trailer with even greater determination than he had when Nambu first gave him the new bracelet.

"Back to the drawing board."

~~~~~~~~~~

Days later, work went on as usual at Crescent Coral. The ISO staff continued with their regular routine, unaware of the threat – far greater than Galactor – that was walking in their midst with a leather-bound notebook in hand. Much like the evil Berg Katse, his target was the Kagaku Ninjatai.

The menace first made his presence felt in the hangar where the God Phoenix was docked. Hiding inside the cockpit, an unsuspecting Ryu – having just undergone an exhausting weight reduction program under the ISO's trainer – was pigging out on three enormous bento of goodies, regaining the measly pound he had lost earlier and adding several more.

"OWL GO!"

Ryu almost choked on the ebi fry he was eating as the aura of transmutation enveloped him.

"What the…" The Owl shook his bracelet. "Hey! Stop! What's going on?"

At that moment, Ken and Jinpei were climbing into the God Phoenix. The Eagle had promised his diminutive teammate that he would help him make repairs on his Helico Buggy.

As they entered the cockpit, their eyes flew wide as they beheld Ryu in what appeared to be brown monk's robes, but the hem only fell up to his thighs, thanks to the extra pounds he had gained.

Jinpei roared with laughter at the sight of the Owl's ridiculous appearance. "What's with the get-up, Ryu? Is that a muumuu or are you trying to make yourself out to be Friar Tuck in a mini?"

"Shut up, Jinpei!" Ryu said hotly. "I don't know what happened! I just found myself transforming, and my clothes changed into this ugly thing! Jeez, I look like my Mom in her house dress!"

"Don't worry! It suits you!"

"Why you… Come here, you runt!"

As Ryu started throttling Jinpei, Ken remained silent, a frown of suspicion darkening his handsome face. Instead of adding to the Owl's distress, he looked out the viewing screen just in time to see a familiar figure sauntering out of the hangar.

Unaware that he had been seen by the Eagle, Joe jotted down in his notebook, "The Owl – Failure. Make adjustments for extra poundage due to overeating."

~~~~~~~~~~

Jinpei did not have anything to laugh about when, two days after the Ryu incident, he became the next target for the Condor's fiendish experiments.

The Swallow was helping out at the Snack J, preparing for a dance party that was going to be held at the bar that evening. Pushy minx that she was, Jun had also cornered Ken, who was promptly put to work fixing the beer dispenser in order for him to pay off even a fraction of his mile-long tab.

Not surprisingly, just like any boy his age, Jinpei soon found the endless cleaning and dishwashing boring. He sidled over to the Eagle, who was throwing bird rangs at the broken tap with his big blue eyes.

"Aniki…"

"What?"

"Jun's in the back."

"Yeah, so?"

Jinpei cast a look of intense longing at the beer tap, the tip of his tongue protruding from the corner of his mouth.

"No!" Ken snapped at the boy. "Absolutely not!"

"Aniki, come on! Just a little taste!"

"And have you turn into a pint-sized lush? Forget it!"

"But…but…you and Joe have been drinking beer since you were sixteen."

"Go check your birth certificate. You still have six years to go before you even hit sixteen. Besides, we weren't drinking beer back then, idiot! That was lemonade."

Jinpei scowled darkly at the Eagle. "I've never seen frothy lemonade before."

"You're not having any, and that's that!" Ken reached out his hand to the Swallow, palm up. "Wrench!"

"Che! Stingy!" Jinpei grumbled as he slapped the wrench into Ken's hand.

"SWALLOW GO!"

"Did you say something, Jinpei?" the Eagle asked, his attention still focused on what he was repairing.

Ken was only going to give the broken nozzle a tap with the wrench, when Jinpei suddenly cried out in alarm. The wrench came down with a loud clang, breaking the tap and sending streams of golden brew splashing all over the Eagle's face and body. Sputtering, Ken hastened to shut off the valve from the keg, so that he did not witness Jinpei's startling transformation. When he finally got the tap closed, he was jolted by an anguished wail from the Swallow.

Jun came running from the kitchen. "What's all this racket? Oh my god! JINPEI!"

Ken found his jaw dropping at the comical sight of Jinpei dressed from head to toe as the cartoon character, Tweety.

"Jun, get me out of this thing!" the Swallow cried, flapping the tiny wings in disgust. "It's so uncool! If any of my friends see me in this, I'll be the laughing stock of the neighborhood!"

"What happened?" the Swan glared at Ken, who was soaked to the skin with beer. "You're not drunk, are you? Surely you didn't dress Jinpei up in this ridiculous costume for kicks!"

"Of course not!" the Eagle exclaimed defensively. "I had an accident with the beer tap and…"

"It's this damned bracelet! It turned me into Tweety!" the Swallow interjected, his lanky body heaving with the force of his sobs. "That effeminate freakazoid Berg Katse is behind this! I'm sure of it! He wants me to look like an idiot!"

A couple chose that moment to enter the bar in the hopes of buying a few drinks. But when their eyes fell upon Jinpei, they turned on their heels and stammered in apology, "Sorry. We didn't know this was a kids' hangout."

That only caused the Swallow to burst into more tears. "WAAAAH! MY HAPPY CHILDHOOD IS RUINED!"

Ken was about to comfort the weeping boy when his eye caught Joe standing outside the window of the Snack J. His brows were knitted together in a frown as his finger pinched the point between his eyes. Leaping over the counter, Ken hurried to the door, but when he ran into the street, the Condor had disappeared.

Joe was not too far away though. He was leaning against a stack of crates in the alley behind the bar, writing his observations down in his trusty notebook.

"The Swallow – another failure," he muttered with a heavy sigh. "Note to self: Don't watch any cartoons before attempting a transmutation."

~~~~~~~~~~

No matter how he looked at it, Ken could not dismiss as mere coincidence Joe's presence at the times those mysterious transmutations occurred. There was also the matter that the funny robes Ryu's clothes changed into partly resembled the tunic in the Condor's design. As for Jinpei, the Owl recounted Joe's tirade at the observation deck, in particular how the Condor had remarked about the boy's resemblance to Tweety when dressed in his birdstyle. All the signs pointed without a doubt to Joe, and Ken did not have to guess who his next victim would be.

Unfortunately, Jun had also arrived at the same conclusion, and had decided to make things easier for Joe by confronting him directly.

Hearing from Jinpei that his sister was on a rampage, Ken ran off to find her. He finally located the Swan in the docking bay where the G-2 was being overhauled.

"Now where did that son of a bitch go?" Jun searched through every nook and cranny of the cluttered garage. "I figured he'd be here tinkering with his car. They're practically attached at the navel!"

"Jun, why don't you calm down?" Ken begged his pretty teammate. "You know that Joe is still suffering from the effects of his head injury…which you caused, mind you."

"Well, he deserved it!"

"Listen! Let me talk to Joe. I'm sure I can make him stop doing these things."

"What? And deprive me of the opportunity to give him a piece of my mind and another taste of my fist? I think not!"

Unbeknownst to his teammates, Joe was hiding in the wall vent just above their heads, forewarned by the heavy stomping of Jun's heels in the corridor outside the docking bay.

Joe grimaced in pain, pressing his temples with his fingertips. "What a noisy broad! Her voice has the same effect as Galactor's brain scrambling beam!"

"Please, Jun!" the Eagle pleaded with the Swan in earnest. "Surely you're not thinking of inflicting violence upon a sick man!"

But Jun would not be placated. "Oh, he's a sicko, all right! You know? Instead of punching him, I think I'd give him one of my patented kicks in the kisser…after he gets an eyeful of my crotch!" With arms akimbo, the Swan burst into evil laughter.

Listening from his hiding place, Joe shuddered as that disgusting image filled his aching head. However, the Condor's capacity for devilish tricks far surpassed Jun's…and he had the perfect tool to do it with.

"So…" Joe muttered fiendishly. "You're planning to subject me to more sickening views of your nether Afro, huh? Let's put you in the proper attire for it then. SWAN GO!"

Ken heard those two words uttered from inside the vent. Before he could expose the Condor's hiding place, Jun let out a deafening shriek.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" the Swan cried in outrage, seeing her clothes transformed into the raiment of anime character, Princess Sapphire. "This can't be trunk hose? No, but it is! AARRRGGH! NOT PUMPKIN PANTS!"

"Don't like that?" Joe cackled through the slats of the vent. "Okay! Here's my personal favorite – the Tinker Bell look!"

Jun watched in horror as the costume changed into a gossamer white and pink dress. But the worst part of her ensemble was the ruffled panties she was wearing.

The Eagle tore the grate from its moorings and yanked Joe out of the vent. Shaking the Condor hard by the front of his shirt, Ken shouted, "NO MORE GAMES, JOE! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!"

But Joe stubbornly yelled back, "Do you think this is just a game for me? NO, I WON'T STOP! NOT UNTIL YOU APPROVE OF MY NEW UNIFORM DESIGNS AND GET RID OF THOSE BIRDSTYLES FOR GOOD!"

Humiliated and enraged, Jun could no longer hold back. Swinging her leg back for a devastating kick, she roared, "JOE ASAKURA…I HATE YOU!"

In her haste to get even with her tormentor, the Swan miscalculated where her kick was going to land. As Joe watched that foot arching towards them, he realized that it was going to connect with the side of Ken's head!

"KEN! WATCH OUT!" the Condor cried out as he wrenched a startled Eagle behind him.

In a ghastly slow motion, Ken watched in horror as Jun's foot struck Joe's head, sending the Condor falling like a graceful feather. But what registered the most to his shocked mind was the sound – the hollow cracking of a skull, much like a coconut being split open. Before the Condor could fall at his feet, Ken regained enough sense to catch him in his arms.

Cradling Joe's head, Ken called out to him, "Joe? JOE! Come on! Wake up! Please, Joe! Open your eyes!" But the Condor did not stir.

As tears of frustration started to pour from his eyes, the Eagle turned to Jun, who was frozen where she stood.

"What are you gawking around for?" Ken yelled at her. "Get Dr. Trieste here now!"

That shout jolted the Swan back to reality. "Uh…yeah, right…I'll call her right now!"

While Jun was making the call over the comlink, Ken pulled Joe into his embrace, his lips brushing against the darkening bruise on his temple.

"Condor…Joe…" Ken's voice was a harsh whisper. "Please go back to being the real you! I don't like to see you acting this way! Please, Joe! Please come back to me!"

~~~~~~~~~~

The eight hours that the Kagaku Ninjatai waited for news about the Condor's condition where the most nerve-wracking they have experienced in their young lives.

Nambu-Hakase chose not to berate Jun for her latest infraction. Anyone could see how much she was being torn by guilt for what she had done. To while the time, Jinpei and Ryu talked about the ridiculous costumes their civvies transformed into, wondering how Joe had accomplished such a feat. They even began discussing the possibilities of changing their clothes into more outlandish outfits – an irony, considering the fact that, prior to the mishap, they were contemplating roasting the Condor over a spit complete with trimmings.

The one worst affected was Ken. The Eagle distanced himself from his teammates, sitting on a bench all by his lonesome at the far end of the corridor. His bloodshot eyes were devoid of emotion, staring blankly at the wall, refusing to steal even a glance at the swinging doors of the Emergency Room. Even when Dr. Trieste at last emerged with the good news that Joe was going to be all right and that Jun had not cracked his skull, the Eagle remained motionless, as if the whole world had crumbled when the Condor fell unconscious in his arms.

Nambu approached his young ward and laid a hand on his shoulder. Only then did Ken look up, the expression on his face showing his expectation of the worst.

"Joe's going to be fine, Ken," Nambu told the Eagle.

At those words, Ken's tense form relaxed as he released a relieved exhalation. Even then, he cupped his face in his hands to stem the flow of tears.

Rubbing the Eagle's back soothingly, the doctor continued, "But…I think it would be better if he recuperated in my private rest house. What do you say, Ken? Think you're up to playing nursemaid for a few days?"

"Hakase…" Jun interrupted. "…We'd like to go too and help out."

"No, not this time."

The Swan was crestfallen at that answer. "I guess you still don't trust me. I understand. But I swear I won't cause any more trouble! I…I just want to make it up to Joe."

Nambu shook his head. "It's not that, Jun."

"Joe's our teammate," Jinpei insisted. "It's important that we stick together."

"Nambu-Hakase, didn't you yourself tell us that we have to look out for each other?" Ryu pointed out to him.

"True, but this is a totally different situation," Nambu tried to explain patiently. "Joe has been under considerable mental stress. You have to admit that as a result of this, your relationship has been strained. A team cannot function properly if there is no trust among its members. That's why I prefer Joe to be with the one person he still trusts, and that's Ken."

Ken got to his feet, his determined stance mirroring his acceptance of the duty that was given to him. "When do we leave, sir?"

The good doctor smiled at that question. "I had anticipated that you would take this responsibility upon yourself. Right now, I'm having Joe brought down to the helicopter via the med lift. But I could give you enough time to pack a few things."

"There's no need, sir," the Eagle reassured him. "I left some of my clothes at the rest house the last time we went there on break."

Nambu nodded in approval. "Then, there's no need to delay our departure. I'll be accompanying you. I want to be sure that you two are settled in before I return to base."

After a few minutes, they arrived at the heliport. Joe was already laid out comfortably on a gurney inside the helicopter. As Nambu got in front with the pilot, Ken stayed in the back with the Condor, taking the seat opposite the gurney.

"Aniki, just call us if you need any help, okay?" Jinpei ordered the Eagle sternly.

"You two take it easy while you're there," Ryu advised him. Pounding a fist to his chest, he added, "And don't you worry about a thing. We'll hold the fort while you're gone."

"If Galactor should attack at any time…" the Eagle began, "…Use the Bird Scramble. I don't want you going off on dangerous missions without me."

"Yes, we'll do that. Ken…" Jun began hesitantly. "…When Joe wakes up, please tell him I'm really sorry."

"I'll tell him, Jun. I promise." He gave his teammates a reassuring smile. "Things are going to be all right, guys. I won't let anything happen to Joe. You'll see. He'll be the same old Condor when we get back."

"Uhh…maybe you could also tell Joe to chill out a bit?" Jinpei put in. He aped the dark scowl that was a perpetual feature on the Condor's brow. "He's only eighteen and he's already got wrinkles!"

At that description, the tension that was bottled up inside Ken's heart was released as peals of pure laughter. "Yes, Jinpei. I'll do that." He waved to his friends. "We'll be back soon."

The helicopter door was then closed and they took off. Through the window, Ken saw his teammates waving to them until they disappeared from view as the helicopter flew in the direction of Utoland.

The helicopter hit a spot of air turbulence, and Joe let out a moan as his injured head was jostled.

Ken took the Condor's hand. "Joe? It's me – Ken. Do you want me to get you anything? Some water?"

"No," Joe groaned. "Head…hurts…too bumpy…"

Seeing that the small pillow was not enough to cushion his head, Ken scooted over to the gurney. Lifting Joe a bit, he removed the pillow and gently laid the Condor back down on his lap. Joe carefully curled up on his side, placing his right hand on the Eagle's thigh. As a small smile of contentment formed on his lips, to Ken's amusement, the Condor started purring.

"What are you – a cat?" the Eagle exclaimed with a laugh.

"Mew!" was Joe's soft reply.

Ken ran his fingers through the Condor's brown locks that were spiking up on top of his head because of the bandages. "You're one big baby, you know that, Joe?"

Nambu had been watching their exchange, touched by the poignancy of the scene. He settled back into his seat and smiled. // It's so wonderful to be young and in love! //


TO BE CONTINUED…

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