And Dare Not Speak Love's Name

And Dare Not Speak Love's Name


A Fanfiction By SailorLight22


Chapter 2 - Making Progress

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Okay here's the next chapter, prepare for lemonade!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



Lavi glanced at the man beside him, his nerves jangling as he thought of what was soon to come. Though he gave no outward sign of his apprehension, he could feel the beginnings of a slight panic attack settling in. When the older man had left his office for the second time, there had been a look in his eye that hadn't been there before, one of resolution, a thinly-veiled determination.

He shivered, feeling the man's grip on his hand tighten slightly as he returned his look with a small grin. Lavi smiled in reply, forcing away the feeling of unease. Nearing a lone door, Komui slowed his steps, turning to full face his companion.

"Are you all right?" He asked, looking closely at the boy's face. Lavi nodded quietly, his eye downcast.

"I'm fine. I just..." He shook his head, meeting the older man's gaze. "You don't have to do this, if you really don't want to. I wouldn't be angry, but I don't want you to avoid me anymore." He smiled hesitantly. "What we've already done was fine. I told you that I didn't mean to push, 'Mui."

The scientist nodded, unlocking the door and motioning for the boy to enter. Once inside, he dropped his coat into a nearby chair, tossing his hat along with it. Ignoring the near-darkness, he closed the door. Moving closer to the still faintly smiling Exorcist, he raised a hand to his face in a comforting gesture. "You didn't do anything wrong, Lavi. At least you were honest with me, about what you wanted." He smiled, leaning down to press his lips to the other's brow.

"I wanted the same things, but I just couldn't accept it. That's why I wanted it to stop, so that I could give you what you deserved." He wrapped his free arm around the other's waist, pulling him as close as possible. "I'm grateful that you said the things you did, back there. If you hadn't come to me, it could have been weeks before I knew what to do."

Lavi swallowed heavily, inhaling the distinct scent of the older man. "I had to try, it was driving me crazy. I thought that you didn't want to...Be with me anymore. I had to see for myself, even if the thought of losing you was scary." He smiled, looking away. "I really did mean what I said, about giving you what you need."

He backed cautiously toward the bed, coaxing the taller man to follow. When his knees hit the edge, he sat, pulling his companion down beside him. "Kiss me?" He asked, meeting the man's eyes hopefully. Komui nodded, leaning in to meet him with a sigh. Though he tried to hold himself somewhat in check, he found the boy's insistent urging impossible to ignore.

Kicking off his boots, Lavi scooted further onto the bed, nudging at the older man's shoes in a hinting manner. Chuckling softly, Komui toed off his footwear, breaking the kiss to remove his socks. Lavi frowned at the separation, moving to the center of the bed with a challenging gleam in his eye.

He leaned back, stretching full length on top of the blanket with a sigh. "Come here, 'Mui. I'm nowhere near finished with you." The man nodded quietly, resting one knee between his younger companion's legs as he allowed the boy to pull him down for a kiss.

Lavi hummed in appreciation when he felt Komui relax against him, his heavier breaths leaving no doubt that the boy's closeness was affecting him in a decidedly intense manner. Opening his mouth, the scientist nipped gently at his lover's lower lip, using his surprised gasp to deepen the kiss. Feeling the boy's wordless groan vibrate through the contact, he pulled back.

"Lavi, I don't really know if we should be doing this.. I still think that I'm pushing my needs..Ah!" He gasped, feeling the other's knees lift to clasp his hips.

"Dammit, I wish you would push your needs on me! Stop saying foolish things and start doing them! At least then you'll have an honest excuse to feel dirty!" He muttered, tightening his grip until the man had no choice but to sink further into his embrace.

He lifted his hips slightly, nudging against the scientist's obvious arousal. "I told you that I wanted this, 'Mui. Even if you still don't want to sleep with me, I'm not going to just pretend that you never admitted to wanting it too."

Shivering at the determination in the boy's voice, Komui couldn't quite stifle a moan when Lavi moved again, this time using his legs to pull the man down as he rocked himself upward. "That's what bothered you so much, isn't it? Having me against you like this, with the lights out and nothing to do but feel?" Komui nodded faintly, his arms shaking with the strain of holding himself still.

Lavi sighed, his motions unfaltering. "You like it, don't you?" He didn't wait for a reply. "Mm, Of course you do, you're burning up.. Does it help if I say that I like it too?" He moaned, lifting himself even closer. "Please move...This is good, but it's so much better when you're helping..."

Komui shook his head, struggling to resist the urge to ravage the other male. "I...I can't, Lavi." He took a breath, trying to piece together words to explain his rapidly diminishing control. "If I do, I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop this time. You don't understand, it's just too much for..God!" He broke off with a cry as Lavi arched up quickly, pressing himself against the man's body with abandon.

"That's..what I wanted to hear.." He whispered, panting. "And you're wrong, I understand perfectly. Now, you can either help me out here, or I swear I'm going to strip right this second and take care of the problem myself." He lowered his voice, smiling. "I'll even let you watch me do it, if you like."

The older man gasped in disbelief, the words calling up a torrent of images. "No, I wouldn't let you do that." He replied, proud that his voice obeyed. "Not like that."

Lavi chuckled quietly. "Why not? Do you think I don't need this too? I told you before that it wouldn't be the first time I've gotten off by myself. I just imagine that it's you touching me, and it's easy." He opened his eye, seeking out the older man's gaze despite the gloom. "It would be a shame though...If one of us is going to come, then the other one should too."

Komui moaned, shaking his head. "God, you always say things that drive me crazy, Lavi.. You shouldn't do that right now, even if you mean it." He closed his eyes, fighting the reaction that the boy's words had caused. "Please don't make this any harder than it already is.."

Lavi sighed patiently. "I know that you need this, 'Mui. You can't just ignore it." He lifted his face, sealing their lips together briefly. Pulling back, he kept his lips close enough to touch the older man's as he whispered. "Let me help you, even if it's just this once? I want you so damned bad, but I want to make you.." He felt the scientist gasp against his mouth, and he whimpered softly. "Please let me do this, I need...!"

Komui cut him off with a well timed kiss, his mouth closing over the other's possessively. Shaking with quiet urgency, he rocked his hips against the boy's waiting body, breaking the kiss with a cry at the intensity of the feeling. "You don't have to do anything, Lavi, just promise me.." He shifted his weight, lowering one arm to encircle the panting Exorcist's lifted hips. "Promise me that this is what you really want."

Lavi nodded frantically. "I want it, I promise! Please don't stop..!" He tightened his hold, pleading for his lover to move. "I don't care how long it takes for you to love me, 'Mui.. I want this with you, even if I'm not enough for you yet.."

The older man shook his head firmly, his voice low. "You're more than enough! Don't ever think that you need to prove yourself to me. If either of us is lacking, it would be me." He sighed, resting his face against the boy's hair. "I promised myself that I wouldn't rush things with you, no matter how much I wanted to. I just didn't expect it to be so.. You can't even begin to imagine how much I want you, Lavi."

He moved again, letting their close proximity speak for itself. Lavi nodded, his breathing still labored.

"Believe me, I know what you mean. I didn't want to rush things either, but I just can't seem to help it... It was my problem first, I know that." He smiled, hands stroking the older man's back in lazy circles. "Pretty much every time we were together, I ended up crawling all over you.. It wasn't like you started it, you just let me do whatever I wanted. Well, almost everything.." He laughed, shaking his head. "You should have told me to stop doing that, if it bothered you. I didn't mean to drive you away, I wanted to keep you closer."

Komui sighed quietly, lifting himself on one elbow. "I didn't want you to stop, that was the problem." He nibbled gently on the boy's throat, nudging his shirt collar out of the way. "The last time, I decided that I had to do something about it. I was so close to taking you that it scared me, Lavi. The only thing that stopped me was the zipper on your pants.." He laughed humorlessly. "It got stuck after about a half inch."

Lavi gasped, shaking with chills at the feeling of his lover's teeth on his skin. "Take it off," he whispered, leaning up. "Yours too, while you're at it. In fact, I'll help you." He gripped the hem of the man's shirt, snatching it up and over his head before the other could reply. Feeling something entangled in the warm cloth, he gently plucked the scientist's glasses out, reaching over to place them on the night table with a smirk. "That's better. Now, how about returning the favor?"

Komui shook his head, laughing at the hopeful tone of his voice. "You're incredibly singleminded, Lavi. But I don't think I can." Hearing the boy take a breath to protest, he laughed again. "Oh, I'd love to do it, trust me." He paused, shifting against the redhead in a teasing manner that left him with no doubt of the man's willingness. "But you'll have to let go of my belt before you can raise your arms."

Lavi chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah, probably. I'm glad that one of us is actually capable of thought at a time like this." He pried his hands away from the other's waist reluctantly, lifting his arms for only as long as was absolutely necessary. As soon as the shirt cleared his head, he wrapped his now-bare arms around the man's shoulders, pulling him down. "Problem solved. Oh, you're warm.." He bit his lip, enjoying the sensation of his lover's heartbeat against his skin.

Ignoring his body's command to hurry things up, Komui brushed his lips across the line of one shoulder, following the path to the boy's neck. He bit down softly on the lobe of one ear, soothing the sting with a kiss as he laughed. "You always say that. I'm starting to think that it's just an excuse for me to touch you, Lavi."

Hearing the other's sharply exhaled breath, he resumed his steady movements, his mouth pausing on the places that seemed to draw the most incoherent sounds from his panting lover. Pleased with the response to his efforts, he allowed his hands to wander over the Exorcist's firm stomach, his fingers trailing along the band of his pants before moving to grasp the side of one hip. "Still cold?" He murmured, smiling.

Lavi shook his head faintly, his pulse loud in his ears. "No, not anymore," He whispered, relaxing the tight hold he's taken on the man's shoulders. "Are you?"

The older man made a quiet sound of negation, sliding lower on the bed. Closing his eyes, he nuzzled lazily against the other's chest before tracing a line up the center with his tongue. The effect on his lover was immediate, his breath catching in a moan. The sound broke off midway when Komui tightened his hold on the boy's hips, lifting his slighter body as he moved closer. "I can honestly say that you keep me very warm, Lavi."

He pressed forward, melding their lips together as he began to move. Holding the redhead's weight on one arm, he supported himself with the other, his body wracked with shivers at the feeling of the younger boy's arousal. "Good?" He whispered, pulling his mouth away from his lover's to speak.

Lavi nodded eagerly, arching up to meet his thrusts. "More than good," He breathed, shifting his hands to the man's waist. "Please.." Komui smiled, murmuring in agreement.

"Whatever you need, Lavi.. I want you to feel so much better than this, though." He moved his lips to the boy's ear, his voice soft. "I want to know that I'm the only one you want, the one that makes you feel so - damn - good.." He hummed in quiet appreciation as the other bucked up sharply. "Does it feel good, Lavi? I wonder about that, you know. Does it feel as good to you as it does to me, when you make that tiny little sound in the back of your throat? You do that just before you start to beg.. Are you going to beg now?"

An undeniably needy sound was his only response.

Komui moaned softly in reply, shifting until his knees could support their combined weight. "Tell me to stop, if this is too much." He whispered, sliding his now-free hand against the front of his lover's pants. "Ah, that can't be comfortable.." He stroked the line of his zipper with a finger. "Care to give your shirt some company?" He teased, almost laughing at the boy's pleading whimper. "I'll assume that's a yes."

He tugged gently at the button, willing his hands to stop their nervous trembling as he slid the zipper down. Hooking his fingers into the waistband, he eased the well-worn garment over slim hips, urging the boy to bend his legs up to remove them. Dropping the pants blindly to the floor, he allowed his hands to stroke the soft skin of Lavi's inner thighs.

Failing to stifle a moan, the redhead shuddered at the feeling of his lover's touch. He couldn't believe how much difference it made, with that almost negligible barrier removed. He resisted the urge to drag the man down, clenching his hands deeply into the soft blanket.

Feeling his restraint crumble, Komui moved his caresses higher, fingertips brushing over the Exorcist's barely clothed hips. Lowering his head, he pressed damp kisses to the thin material of his lover's only garment, following the small rise of stitchwork with his lips. Lavi whimpered brokenly as the heat of his breath seeped through the flimsy material, his muscles drawn tight as a bowstring.

"Ko...Komui!" He gasped, his fingers aching at the tightness of his grip. "I can't think of a word...To tell you what that....Oh!" His voice broke into a startled cry as he felt the older man's lips ghost reverently over his erection, any words that may have followed left unuttered. He tilted his hips beseechingly, pleading with breathless whispers that sounded remotely like his lover's name.

The man smiled quietly, shaking his head. "Not just yet.." He murmured, sliding back to rest between the boy's knees. "Come here."

He took one of the Exorcist's hands, tugging him up to his knees. Wrapping the other around his waist, he pulled him into his lap, guiding the boy's arms to his shoulders. "Much better," He whispered, stroking the other's back as he buried his face against the side of his throat. Licking the junction of his neck and shoulder, he grazed the skin with his teeth. "I can reach more of you this way.."

Lavi nodded, willing his voice to work despite his growing disorientation. "I love it.. You wouldn't believe how much I missed this, missed you..."

Komui hummed in agreement, the sound muffled as he continued to nuzzle the damp skin at his lover's nape. "I'm sorry. I never meant for you to be lonely, I only wanted to make you happy.. I wish that I could take it back." He lowered his hands, fingers digging gently into the nearly-bare skin of his hips. "Forget about that for now," He said, rocking upward gently. "Right now, I think I'd like to make up for lost time."

Lavi opened his mouth to reply, but found himself unable to think of anything but the feeling of his lover's body against his own, the slow movements of his hands and lips bringing a halt to anything resembling logic. He pressed himself as close as he could manage, gasping against the older man's mouth when the hands on his hips slipped down to cup his ass through the material of his underclothes.

Using his hold to increase the friction between them, Komui smiled against the boy's throat. "What's wrong, Lavi? Do you want me to stop?" Lavi made a strangled sound, shaking his head. "Good," The older man whispered, leaning him back onto the bed. "Because I really, really don't want to.."

Lavi clung to him desperately, pleading in a voice that he hardly recognized as his own. He'd never wanted anything as much as he wanted this man, but he knew that it would end all too soon. During the last several months, they'd often done things like this, but the older man refused to be swayed, always remembering himself at the last moment and pulling away. Lavi choked back a sound of frustration at the thought of his lover's inevitable retreat.

Noticing his discomfort, Komui slowed his movements, pulling back to speak quietly in his ear. "Lavi? What's wrong?" He felt the beginnings of anxiety at the other's silence. Halting completely, he stroked the boy's cheek, gasping at a hint of moisture there. "Oh God," He whispered, his eyes wide. "Please don't cry.. I didn't mean to take it this far, I..I thought.." He shook his head, his voice urgent. "Why didn't you stop me? I wouldn't have been angry, I thought that this was what you wanted!"

Lavi shook his head in denial. "It isn't that! I do want this, I told you I did!" He took a breath, struggling to calm down. "You aren't doing anything I don't want, I just can't stand knowing that it's going to be over!" Komui jerked back as if the words had struck him.

"What? Lavi, I don't know what you mean, what will be over?"

The boy growled in irritation at himself. "This! I finally have you here, after all that time, but it isn't enough! Any minute now, you're going to start having second thoughts, and you'll tell me to leave!" He clenched his arms around the man's shoulders fiercely. "That's what always happens! I hate feeling like that, like I make you hate yourself for touching me! I can feel how much you want me, but you just can't..!"

Komui cut him off with a kiss, his mouth almost rough. Pulling away, he shook his head. "Not this time, Lavi. I might not be ready for everything, but I'm not going to make you pay for my problems." He tightened his own hold, leaving no space between them as he continued to kiss the startled Exorcist's upturned face. "I'm not going to stop, I promise you that." He resumed his movements, urging the other to respond.

"As soon as those pants hit the floor, I had every intention of making you scream, Lavi." He whispered, smiling at the younger male's broken cry at his statement. "You should stop me right now if that isn't what you want, because I think it's pretty safe to say that I won't be stopping myself." Lavi shook his head, his knees locked around the older man's waist.

"Please, 'Mui.. I don't care about 'everything', just do something! Anything!"

Komui nodded, keeping his motions steady. "Anything, Lavi? Are you sure about that?" He nipped at the other's throat, relishing the salty taste of his skin. "You said that you wondered about things, if I would let you try your ideas on me? Well, I thought about some things too." He pulled away, ignoring the redhead's cry of protest. Sliding down, he worked his hands out from beneath the boy's body, pushing them insistently against his inner thighs.

Without replying to the other's questioning sound, he bit down gently on the skin just above his hand, holding his lover tightly as he jerked in surprise. "Would you like to know what I've been thinking, Lavi?" He hummed contentedly at the boy's breathy affirmative. "I wondered if you would let me do this.." He slipped one hand beneath the loose material of his shorts, pushing them up as he lapped at the sensitive skin where his leg joined his body.

Lavi moaned, biting his lip at the teasing strokes of his lover's tongue. "Yes..." He hissed, failing to resist the urge to move. The older man held him still, laughing quietly.

"Hm, that's good to know," He murmured, giving the area a gentle nip. "But would you mind if I did that somewhere else?" He slid his hand out again, moving to the waistband. Tugging it down, he repeated the action on the inside edge of Lavi's hipbone. "Right there?" The Exorcist bucked up sharply, gasping in reply.

Komui paused in mock-thought. "That's good too.. But what about other places?" Lavi whined in frustration.

"Yes, dammit! Anywhere you want! Now, take those off or leave them alone!"

The scientist resisted the urge to laugh, knowing that he'd brought the hot-tempered boy to the edge of his patience. "Certainly." He leaned up, hooking his fingers into the material. Lifting them carefully over the Exorcist's hips, he moved back as Lavi brought up his knees, eagerly kicking the offending garment off. "Better?" He whispered, caressing his naked hips.

Lavi groaned appreciatively, parting his knees in silent invitation. His heart in his throat, he shuddered as he felt the older man's hands move inward, his legs shaking at the first touch of gentle fingers on his aching flesh. "Oh..!" He gasped, wide eyed. "Please don't..!" He froze, words forgotten completely as his mind registered the sensation of his lover's breath on his skin.

Komui murmured soothingly, feeling the minute trembling of the other male's body. After a moment of careful shifting, he leaned in, his tongue stroking gently over the heated skin. Lavi cried out, his voice strangely weak. Komui smiled, repeating the movement more firmly, pressing down on the boy's hips to keep him still as he lifted his head slightly.

"More?" He asked, waiting patiently as his lover collected his wits.

Nodding eagerly, he whimpered a litany of pleading words, his hands coming down to grip the older man's shoulders. Komui moaned quietly in aquisience, resuming his motions with renewed intensity.

The feeling was overwhelming, the sensation of heat, and wetness on his skin.. Even the careful press of teeth failed to be anything but hopelessly erotic. Lavi panted, shaking with barely-contained urgency. He knew his own body well enough to see that there was no way to resist his need, and he struggled to convey the knowledge to his lover, with little success.

Komui increased his pace, his hands holding the boy's body firmly as he sucked him in earnest. He could feel the increasingly strong shivers that wracked his lover's slender body, and he moaned at the desperate pleas that issued almost nonstop from his parted lips. Taking him in as deeply as he could manage, he moved his tongue in agonizingly slow circles, tracing the sensitive ridges as he pulled almost totally away before sliding down. Lavi arched his back, straining to follow the movements of his lover's mouth as he shamelessly begged for more.

"Please don't stop! I can't...God, I love you..!"

The man shuddered at his impassioned declaration, moaning in wordless acknowledgment. He kneaded the skin of the boy's hips gently, urging him on with teasing strokes of his tongue. Feeling the Exorcist's muscles stiffen convulsively in his grip, he took a rapid breath before the slightly bitter taste of his lover's release flooded his mouth. He swallowed quickly, pulling back before the oversensitized skin became painful to touch.

Panting quietly, he lifted himself on shaking arms. The boy's breathing was still rushed with his passion, small shivers wracking him as he laughed almost drunkenly. Komui allowed himself a moment of pride at making this happen, bringing such intense pleasure to someone that he cared so much for. Shaking off his ego, he moved quickly up to rest beside the dozing redhead, pulling him close as he sighed.

"Are you all right?" He whispered, kissing the boy's sweat-dampened cheek. "Your heart's still beating so fast.."

Lavi nodded, clinging tightly to the man's body. "I'm fine, 'Mui.. That was.. Something." He laughed quietly, amused at himself. "God, I can't do that thing with my mouth... You know, where I make sounds and you understand them?" Komui snorted.

"Oh, I didn't have any problem understanding you. Well, not until right before..." He stopped short, sensing the boy's intense scrutiny. "Right, shutting up."

Lavi nodded in satisfaction. "Good. Sleep a little before you try to be clever." He yawned tiredly. "You should let me help you with that, you know." He muttered, nudging the older man none-too-gently with his hip. "I think it's considered rude to leave the person who blows you with unfinished business." Komui shook his head, smiling.

"Don't worry about it right now. Rest with me for a little while, and we'll talk about that later." Lavi nodded reluctantly, nestling closer. Komui shifted carefully, hooking the rumpled blankets with his foot and pulling them up to cover them. Sighing contentedly, the younger male settled against him, his deep breaths urging the scientist into a restful sleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well, another chapter finished. ^_^ Hopefully someone will be pleased, and maybe review? Lol, ah well, see you again soon!