Bride of Alucard

START:
Alucard looked down at the small mentally insane Australian girl and wondered if somewhere, something was laughing its ass off at the predicament he was in, here he was king of the vampires and yet he was carrying an insane human and worse he didn’t want to put her down he actually liked carrying her, Alucard thought to himself ‘I must get Walter to give me a brain scan, I must have a disease or something similar’
“So where are we?” Ella asked,
Alucard looked down at her and said “Not far from where they got you”
she looked at him and nodded slowly before replying “good, but where are we?”
he raised an eyebrow and said “You were lost”
Ella gasped and said “How dare you accuse me of getting lost, I have an amazingly wonderful sense of direction” she sniffed “every now and then I just like to take the scenic route is all”
He raised an eyebrow once more and said “So your scenic route involves looking at dank, dark and deserted warehouses and abandoned factories?”
she glared at him and said “haven’t you ever heard the saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder?”
he smiled “so you decided to take the scenic route to look at abandoned buildings, while you were being chased by vampires, is that right?”
She pouted “yeah well I bet I can make something you do sound stupid if I say it in that tone of voice”
“Stop pouting, you look like an idiot”
“Your mean, I bet you’re a panda too”
“A panda?”
“yeah, you know eats, roots, shoots and leaves” Alucard looked confused, she smacked him on the forehead and smiled then said “can I hold your shiny bang, bang”
“No”
She decided to pout for a while and make him carry her all the way home in silence.
She didn’t last half a block.
“I like chocolate milk” she stared at him and said once more “I like chocolate milk” nothing so she poked him, decided that was fun and did it again poke “hehe” poke, poke “poke” poke “poke, poke, poke” poke poke poke
“Stop it!”
she looked up when he said that and made her bottom lip tremble then said “I like chocolate milk”
he sighed and said “I like blood”
“I like chocolate milk”
“I like blood”
“I like chocolate milk”
5 minutes later
“I like chocolate milk”
“EITHER SAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT OR SHUT THE FUCK UP”
“I like potatoes”
Alucard decided that this had to be the longest walk he had ever taken, when he didn’t reply she poked him AGAIN and said “I like potatoes” so he dropped her.
THUMP
“OW!” followed by “you did that on purpose, don’t bother to deny it”
Alucard raised an eyebrow “of course I did”
she glared up at him “I wasn’t talking to you”
Alucards eyes widened in surprise.
She glared at the ground and screamed “ANSWER ME DAMN YOU, I KNOW YOUR IN ALLEGIENCE WITH MY ALARM CLOCK TO KILL ME….ANSWER ME!”
Alucard looked down at her and said “you believe the ground in is allegiance with your alarm clock and that they are trying to kill you?”
she glared up at him “what are you slow” ‘damned if it didn’t feel good to say that to someone else’ she thought “how could you miss the way the ground just came out of nowhere and hit me”
Alucard looked down at Ella as she was yelling at the ground, demanding answers, wanting to know who ordered the attack on her, and who else was involved besides her alarm clock and the ground, she was yelling something about knowing the poles were in on it too.
Alucard sighed he’d had enough “Get up, I don’t have time to sit and watch you little mental”
she looked up and said “I can’t get up”
he frowned “why?”
she wailed “because my butt hurts”
he closed his eyes, gritted his teeth and sighed knowing it was pointless to argue, he picked her up, she snuggled up against him and he was surprised and infuriated at the same time by how right it felt so he snarled and said “I am the most feared vampire out there”
to which she replied “is that right”
he continued “there are those who shiver in fear at the very sound of my name”
she snuggled closer “really”
“I am known as the ‘No Life King’”
she yawned “is that anything like the lion king?”
“I am the most ruthless monster that has ever existed on this earth, I could kill you in a heart beat, rip out your throat, gouge out your eyes, and play your organs like musical instruments, all of that I can do while you are still alive”
he looked down and sighed Ella had fallen asleep during his little torture bit, it took all the fun out of it, once more he thought to himself how good it felt to hold her, to have her cuddle up against him, before blocking those thoughts from his head with a growl, he moved quickly using his vampire speed to get her back to her apartment.

Alucard dumped Ella on her bed and watched in fascination as she bounced and rolled onto the floor with a THUMP
‘huh, what are the odds, I probably couldn’t do that again even if I tried. Mental note to try that again one day’
he heard a sigh followed by “I told you the ground was out to get me”
he looked over “your awake”
she lay on the ground still and said “it’s kinda hard to stay asleep when the ground bitch slaps you”
he went over and said “I’m surprised you haven’t hit it back yet”
she sighed again “I have but the ground hits harder then me, plus I hurt my hand.”
He sat on the edge of her bed and said “maybe it’s a good time to talk about what happened tonight”
she groaned.
he continued “and why you don’t seem so surprised that vampires exist”
she fake snored…badly
“I think that has to be the most pathetic attempt to fake sleeping I have ever seen” but she didn’t reply “if you don’t answer me I will be forced to hurt you to get answers”
nothing
“you know all I have to do is drain a body of blood and I get all there memories, so there really is no reason to keep you alive”
another fake snore.
“For fuck’s sake” he muttered and then thought of the one thing that might work “I like potatoes” he said, and didn’t have long to wait before she replied
“yeah, I like potatoes too” followed by “DAMN YOU SALAZAR!”
she sighed “All right Al, you win”
“Al?”
“tonight I was taken hostage by vampires, that I know, why” she shrugged, well he thought she did, the fact she was still lying on the ground made it hard to tell “anywho as to how I know vamps exist, doesn’t everyone?”
“no most people stop believing in vampires after the age of 6” he replied
“wise guy hey”
“so now tell me the true reason or else I will drink you dry”
he thought maybe scare tactics would work, but obviously not when he heard
“kinky”
he wanted to bang his head into a door, then imagined himself banging her head into a door, and immediately felt better.
she looked up at him and said “it’s the truth, when you believe that something exists with your whole heart and soul, then finding out it’s true isn’t that much of a shock”
“you honestly believed your entire life that vampires do exist?”
“Of course I did"
he looked thoughtful and said “what don’t you believe in?” and couldn’t believe the answer he got
“exercise” she shuddered as she said it.
He shook his head opened his mouth, closed it shook his head again and said “I have to go now little mental, can I trust you not to get killed by the ground while I’m gone?”
“I’ll try” she replied,

Alucard shook his head and walked through the wall into her kitchen when he heard “COOL”
followed by BANG
then “ow, note to self, can not walk through wall like sexy red”
he laughed softly and walked away wondering what the hell he was going to tell Sir Integra about little mental. END.