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The Lightness of Being	By : SuKiss Category: +G to L > Hana Yori Dango Views: 4978 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own HYD and make no profit from this story.

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The sky was filled with grey clouds, a dismal shade filtering through to the world below and casting a gloomy shroud to all. Fishermen and vendors alike took the cue provided by nature and sought refuge indoors, either in the warmth of their homes or with drinks among friends, grateful to escape the cold chill blown from the sea.

All except one.

She was standing by the mouth of the harbor, her worried gaze scanning out to the road in anxious distress, her bottom lip being chewed between her teeth. Her arms were wrapped around her middle, attempting to generate warmth throughout her shivering body. A sound penetrated through the damp fog and she turned towards it, her eyes widening as the light diverged from one into the glare of two headlights.

The girl gave a deep sigh as the car drew up to her and stopped. Moments passed, too long for her and she jerked towards the car when the door suddenly flung open, scaring her into stillness. A dark figure emerged, towering above her against the gray sky.

Tsukushi swallowed, “You’re here.”

Tsukasa stared at her through hooded eyes. He did not speak for so long that she began to move towards him in distress when he replied. “Yeah.”

Starting, hesitation drawn on her face by his cold manner, she held out a hand to him, “I know you said that you would be here today, but…” Her fingers stretched out to him, her eyes concerned, “You were late. I was worried.”

An arc of fury, so white hot in its intensity it scorched his insides burnt through Tsukasa.  She was worried?! He thought maddened by her words and her pleading face – he had spent a week, fucking seven days, reliving what he had seen. How she had gone to Rui, embraced him. On Friday, the day he was to drive down, he had begun drinking by noon, fury and anger boiling inside of him, with thoughts of confronting her, of ripping her apart with her betrayal storming through him. But as night had fallen, as he had stood in his room, staring at her name in his phone, a dark voice spoke to him.

If you don’t go, she’ll just turn to Rui.

Without even thinking, he had pressed her number, muttering to her that he would be there the following night and hung up on her questioning voice. He had slammed his phone down, the table shaking before him and with an enraged bellow had flung it aside, smashing it against the wall, demented at his weakness for her.

Raising an eyebrow at her words, he replied harshly, “Did I say when I would be here?

Tsukushi flinched, her hand falling aside. “Uh no, I, uh, thought…”she paused. “No,” she said finally, “you didn’t.”

He nodded. “Let’s go then.” She stood looking at him in uncertainty and then turned, leading the way down the docks.

Walking behind her, he stared into the back of her skull, thinking how easy it would be to crush her under him, her size nothing to match his own. To see the life squeeze out of her…to steal the very breathe within her. He said nothing as they set sail. All around them swirled grayness, the waters tinted a darker hue than the sky, seemingly surrounding them in a circle of gloom but before him all he could see was her, her body, the body that she had used to tempt him, that she had used to trap him but every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was her with Rui. He hadn’t been able to sleep, to work for the rage coursing through him. He would destroy her, he thought, moving purposefully towards her, a chilling calmness stealing through him.

She didn’t hear him until he was behind her and had wrenched her to face him. She gasped in shock, turned rigid with his violent movement.

Her scent was overpowering his cold, her lips, intoxicating before him, swaying him to take her, to ravage her as hard as he could. Before he could stop, he was plundering those very lips, crushing their softness. She gave a slight pant and he shoved his tongue into the moistness of her mouth. One hand reaching to tangle in the silk of her hair, Tsukasa wrapped the other around her, clutching her body into his.

“No, no,” Tsukasa groaned, his fury running, shifting into lust. He wanted her even in the midst of his disgust, in spite of it. Thrusting her against the side of the boat, he kissed her savagely, mauling her mouth with his.

The seas roared around them, sprays of salt slapping them across their faces.   The wind clipped at the small sails, tilting the skiff dangerously in the roiling waters.

Tsukushi pushed against him, gasping, “Stop Tsukasa, stop! I have to maneuver!”

He released her, his hands shaking as they dropped from her face. She stared up at him for a moment and then raced to the helm. He gripped onto the side of the boat, the wood crunching beneath his fists.

“What the fuck am I doing?” he raged, torment struggling in his chest. He had returned to punish her, to wound her as she had him, but as soon as he had seen her, as her scent had entered him his mind had clouded, his plans twisting under the dark desire she created. “Why,” he screamed, “why the fuck was it Rui?” His cries were lost amidst the howling of the winds and with a deep groan he buried his face in his hands. His head was throbbing, a cacophony of hurtful thoughts and obscenities storming through him, visions of using her, brutalizing her, leaving her, distracting her and letting them capsize jarring through his mind, half-flung ideas and violent images crashing. Because what did he have? So what if he was flung into the treacherous sea with her?

But what punishment is oblivion for her?

He flinched at the thought, and gripping the hair at his temples between his fists, he called forth all his will to slow his rage, to rein his throbbing heart.

Tsukushi did not return to him until they had reached the island, her energy fueled into achieving their destination through the storm they had entered. When she did find him, after having docked, he stood silently watching her. Her clothes were soaked through like his, water sluicing off her body from the howling skies.

“Tsukasa,” she said tentatively. He grabbed her hand and ran her inside, dropping their bags in the foyer. Sopping wet, he turned from her, wrenching his belt off his pants, intent on taking a shower. Aggression attending his every movement, he continued his stripping along the way to the bathroom until behind him he heard a small noise. He paused, listening closely and then heard it again, a small suppressed sneeze. Emotion swept through his head and he clenched his eyes shut at the force of it. Ignore it. But willfully his legs turned back, taking him to the kitchen where Tsukushi had stopped to pick up his strewn clothes.

“Leave those,” he said harshly. Tsukushi started, “Oh, but they need to be dried,” she began, her hands clutching his belt and sweater.

“Later” he said, ripping the clothes from her hands and tossing them over a chair. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her with him to the bathroom. Not releasing his grasp on her, he turned to the shower, forced the handle to release steaming hot water before tossing off the rest of his clothing.

Tsukasa turned towards her still figure and began tearing her clothing off with a growl. She whimpered slightly, the small noise infuriating him further and he threw her into the shower, slamming her back against the glass wall, his hand gripping her throat and…she stood still before him, her eyes closed, her plump lips move lightly with her slight breathing.

It was as if he was hit by lightening, suddenly thrust back to the first time he had taken her, had entered her and seen that same look on her face - half worshipful and half penitent. Her lips parted lightly again and mesmerized by the small movement, he loosened his grip and bent forward, capturing that silky mouth to his own.

What the fuck are you doing? screamed a voice in his head. He ignored it, ignored thinking about anything, as he slid his tongue inside of her, through the hot, melting moistness. As the spray of scalding hot water fell, heating up their chilled skin, he pressed against her body tightly, his chest against the hard points of her breasts, his thigh cleaving between hers. All he could feel around him was her, the slender length of her, the aching yielding and his hand released her throat to squeeze her breast, his fingers rough on her pouting nipple. He relinquished her mouth, panting as she gasped for air.

No, no, no! Don’t fall for this again!

But there was no surcease – his cock was twitching pressed up against her supple belly, dying to be buried within her drenched body. With harsh hands, he parted her thighs, driving himself between her spread legs and still she had her eyes closed, only her mouth moving as she gulped in air. Heaving a muted roar, he lunged into her in one slick motion, impaling her on his prick, embedding deep within her tightness.

“Oof,” Tsukushi gasped, her eyes plunging open with his brutal thrust.

“That’s right,” he growled, “look at me and know that’s it me fucking you.” He pounded into her in a punishing rhythm, his hands braced against either side of her head snapping his hips each time he drove into her. She grasped his shoulders in her hands, hanging on as he battered her against the stall of the shower, his chest rubbing painfully against her red, engorged nipples.

He bowed his head near her own, heard her panting, her “Oh, oh, oh,” ringing in his ears as he fucked her senseless. Water squelched around them, dripping through his hair, flattening it to his skull and as he picked his head up, a strand caught on her lips, a slick black line lying across her wet pink bottom lip. As he watched, she flicked it onto her tongue, curling it around into her mouth. Feeling the familiar tingling in his back, he arched into her, his muscles clenching tautly as he pounded his seed into her clasping warmth.

“Ohhh,” she whimpered, her pussy clutching around him signaling her own release. With trembling hands, he released her, his head bowed and unable to watch as she quickly left. He stood against the pounding shower, his fist braced against the tile wall and cursed, water pouring over him.

“How can I leave her,” he thought in despair, “when I can’t even leave the same room?”

He moved automatically, turning off the water, drying himself then clothing himself in the articles that she had laid out on the bed for him. Wrapped in a dampening fog, he headed towards the kitchen where he found her watching the storm from the window. He felt stiff and mechanical, unable to think, unable to feel as he stared at her back with a hooded gaze.

Hearing him come in, she turned towards him. “Are you hungry?” she asked, her head tilting to one side. He shook his head, unable to meet her eyes, unable to look on her.

Nodding her head, she softly began talking about her week, going into great detail about some cargo runs that she had undertaken. As she talked, he took a seat at the maple wood table, his eyes focused on his hands resting on the table, the numbing quiet surging in his ears.

She was pouring water into glasses, when he spoke up quietly, “Why don’t we go on a trip together?”

Clink! Water spilled from the pitcher as she clumsily righted the glass that had nearly fallen. “Oh,” she said hastily, “a trip sounds nice.” His heart clenched and he dared to look up at her, finding her head averted as she dealt quickly with the spilt water.

Clearing his throat, he replied, “Somewhere far then, away from-“ He stopped suddenly, unable to complete the sentence.

She gazed at him, her eyes concerned, “Is Tokyo getting too much?” she asked softly.

Tsukasa looked up at her, surprised. “Why do ask that?” he asked, her enquiry catching him abruptly from his dark brooding.

She cleared her throat delicately, looking down, “From some of the things you’ve said before, it sounds that sometimes it becomes too constricting.” She looked up at him, “At times…” she paused then rushed on, “at times, it sounds like your life is very lonely.” Before he could comment, she continued, “Maybe I’m wrong though; I mean that’s how I felt there but maybe that was only me.”

He turned to her, a questioning look on his face as she had never told him that she had once lived in the city.

She said that they had lived there before, that they had moved because of her parents and their poor finances but how she had come to love the village. “I feel a freedom here that I never remember from my childhood,” Tsukushi replied.

“There is nowhere like that for me,” he muttered, “not even here.”

Tsukushi stroked his shoulder gently, “I’ll go up first.” She left him to his thoughts though he would never have been able to state exactly what those were. After what felt like hours, he rose, no wiser in his mind.

Tsukasa found her laying in bed, watching the storm from the window again. He took off her nightgown, tossing it over his shoulder as he kissed her slowly. She ran her hands gently over his chest, cresting upwards to his neck and drawing him down onto her. They make love that night, slowly and as she lay beneath him, tears slid from her eyes.

“Oh,” she gasped, wiping the corner of her eye with her fingertip. She gave a watery sigh, “My emotions are a bit off.”

His brow furrowed, he watched her with dark, somber eyes. “Please,” she whispered, “don’t mind me.” He moved away from her slightly, separating them and rolled over onto his back, careful not to touch her. However, she followed him, curling up next to him; he could gradually hear her breathing slow into the deep waves of sleep.

Looking down, Tsukasa saw her face in the stray moonlight, some moisture still clinging to her long lashes. With a groan, he clenched her sleeping head to him, burying his face in her hair. He lay like this throughout the night, and as sun lifted behind gray clouds, casting a clammy light in the room, he realized that he had decided what he would do as he had lain sleepless next to her. He had decided to keep her with him, away from Rui, away from everyone else except himself.

“Even though she is what she is,” his fists tightening around her hair, I can’t let her go,” he thought despairingly, gripping her to him.

I love her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He could hear it…the anxious beating of her heart.

Even though the sun had forsaken the sky this day, the pitch darkness of night could be seen seeping from the clouds heralding the approaching night. As the hour got later and later, Tsukasa had watched as Tsukushi became more and more tense, her darting glances to him slicing new gashes into his torment. He knew – he would have to be blind not to see! – that she was desperate to leave…that she wanted to escape. Progressively, she had been getting more worried throughout the day as they haven’t left yet, her anxiety fueling his jealousy because he knew that she wanted to escape.

He stood in the doorway to the kitchen as he watched her fiddle with their duffle bags.

Do you see, she can’t wait to leave – she can’t wait to be rid of you!

Anger and pain swept through him in unending waves and finally unable to withstand anymore, he declared that she would come with him to Tokyo.

She gasped, “What?”

His lips hardened. “Tokyo, you are coming with me to Tokyo.”

She shook her head slowly – “No, I can’t do that.”

“You have no choice,” but his heart throbbed blindly in his chest.

She continued to deny it, more frantically now, “No, no! I can’t!”

The tidal wave of rage that surged through him nearly took his breath away as every nerve ending processed the hurt of her rejection. She had refused him.  Choking back the insidious pain, he felt his rage skyrocket, “You slut,” he shouted. “I knew it! I knew you were throwing yourself at him!”

“What?” she gasped, her face shocked.

The look on Tsukushi’s face infuriated him, and he towered over her. “You! Sleeping around with whoever – isn’t that what you came to me for? Didn’t even know me but you spread your legs-“

“No!” she screamed her denial, shaking her head and stepping back from his insane cruelty. “No,” she tearfully denied, “it wasn’t like that for me.” One hand went to her throat while the other she half-splayed to him fearfully. “I didn’t know you that’s true but-

“But what? You’re easy? I fucking know that already!” he screamed, a vein bulging in his neck. He felt his anger grow not diminish as tears leaked from her eyes.

“I saw you,” she sobbed, “I saw you with Shotaro…” she gasped for breath, her tears clogging in her throat, “I saw how you treated him and I…I fell in love with you.”

“Don’t you say that to me!” he shouted while a deeper part of him whispered at him to believe it.

Because then this will all go away…she will stay yours.

Tsukasa roared. “Don’t try to mess me with me!” He grabbed her by the elbow, “I saw you with him!” A pounding starts on the door – enraged, he shakes her by the upper arms. “I will never let you go,” he hissed.

The noise stopped abruptly as Rui came in.

Tsukasa yelled at him, “What the hell are you doing here?” He turned on her, shaking her so that her hair flew about. “Is it Rui?!”  She stared up at him, crushed.

Rui yelled out, “Tsukasa, stop! Stop - she’s pregnant – with your baby!”

Tsukasa froze, stunned.

Tsukushi gasped, her face a mass of tears. “Why did you tell him, Rui?” she sobbed.

“Is it true?” Tsukasa asked her hoarsely, blood thundering in his ears. Tsukushi looked at him pitifully. Without replying, she turned and fled through the door into the howling wind and rain raging outside.

Rui continued, “I found her one day, sobbing her heart out; she didn’t want to tell me what was wrong, but something about the way that she looked when I said your name made me keep asking her about it. She broke down and told me that she was pregnant but then,” he sighed. “She made me swear not to tell you – that you would be furious and she didn’t want to bother you. All she thought about was you.”

Tsukasa closed his eyes in self-loathing. Oh, God – what have I done? Clenching his fists, he ran out after her.

He saw her running towards the beach and swiftly ran towards her, his breath locking in his throat. As he reached closer, she looked back and gasped, trying to move faster but suddenly tripped, falling to the ground. “Be careful!” he shouted, catching up to her on the ground, sliding down on his knees.

“Get away!” She screamed at him, scrambling backwards on the beach. With a wild slash she grabbed and threw some sand at him. While he flinched, she scrambled up violently lurching. “Be careful,” he began again, rising, “you’ll hurt yourself.”

“What do you care?” she said harshly.

Tsukasa closed his eyes, sorrow consuming him. “You should say that,” he said gruffly, “but don’t hurt yourself because of me.”

She starts weeping, deep gut-wrenching sobs. Tsukasa stood before her watching her painful tears but only able to spasmodically clench his fists. “It was so sudden for me…you were not there one day and the next, you filled my whole world.” She sucked in a ragged breath, nearly choking on her tears again, “And then I found out I was pregnant…but how could I tell you about the baby?”

“I mean, how clichéd,” she sobbed. “The poor village idiot gets knocked up by the rich businessman.” Her face constricted, “I know I behaved like a slut.”

“No.”

“No, don’t lie,” she screamed at him. “You said it! You believed it – you, you,” she gasped painfully, “you thought I had slept with Rui!” But, here she fell apart, sobbing dreadfully. Tsukasa tried to move to her, but she flinched away from him. “I did, I did throw myself at you, because I knew you would leave and that would be all.”

“Oh God, I don’t even know what happened, I saw you…and…I…never before…I,” she gasped disjointedly. “What did I do?” She hugged at herself.

“No!” he grabbed for her. “It was me!” He paused and then looked away from her. “It was too easy,” he murmured.

Tsukushi flared up, struggling against his grip on her arms, “You mean I was too easy?” she spat. “Just-“

“No!” he roared. His ferocity caused her to jerk back, but he refused to lighten his grip. “No,” he said, his words coming rapidly, a tic beating near his mouth. “I – it was me, I didn’t, couldn’t trust you. That had never happened to me before, someone, a woman wanting me…me alone. Not my name, my wealth, my power.” He looked up at her, “I didn’t trust it or you because I didn’t know it could be like that, I didn’t know what it was.”

“It was nothing,” she said bitterly, “nothing but a mistake.” She was crouched over, refusing to glance at him, removing her body as far away as she could manage from within his clasp.  Tsukasa felt his stomach seize in fear.

“Don’t do this,” he rasped. “We both wanted what happened but I didn’t even trust myself enough to speak with you. But we did meet and we are together. Do you think I’ll let you talk yourself out of this? I still needed you even when I thought you were with Rui.”

Tsukasa felt his heart pound in his ears; she had grabbed her love with both hands. Now he would do the same.

He tried to clasp her, wrapping his arms around her slim body, but she resisted, tearing at him wildly. He took it from her, and she stops, then gave a watery sigh and leaned against him.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her, running a shaky hand gently over her hair. “Tsukushi, come with me, stay here, whatever. Wherever it is, I’m going to be there.”

She tilted her head up, the tears in her eyes overflowing as she gazed up at him, “Oh, Tsukasa,” she whispered. “You can’t,” she began but he grasped either side of her neck, cradling her head in his hands.

“The hell I can’t,” he said roughly, “you are mine, the sanest, clearest part of me.”

She looked up at him, her eyes drowning in tears holding onto his and Tsukasa felt his heart clench suspended. Slowly, tremulously she smiled, her hands rising up to hold his chest. He bent his head down, placing it alongside hers; the wet of her tears clung to his cheeks, as he drew in the scent of her hair. Behind her the first rays of the sun stretched, the rosy tips embracing the aqua sea, stilling the air with the calmness of light.

“You, only you let me feel free,” he breathed into her ear.

fin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I said at the beginning, very OOC. Durm and strang to be sure, but at times we need angst like this, right? Apologies for the real inexcusable delay – this was a very tough plot for me.

The first 2 parts were beta’d, the last not, so any mistakes contained therein are all mine.
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The Lightness of Being