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To Love a Lie
By : RoseThorne
Category: +S to Z > Slayers
Views: 1284 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: We do not own Slayers and do not make any money writing this.
Chapter List
- 2
- 3
Title: To Love a Lie

Authors: Chrissy Sky and Rose Thorne

Pairings: Xellos/Zelgadis

Summary: Zelgadis finds a powerful illusion spell that enables him to disguise his appearance, and Xellos finds himself strangely saddened. Will be YAOI.

Disclaimer: Do not own.

Notes: Sorry it took so long. We got caught up in Aqualord.

Chapter Three

The forest was thick, the entire valley heavily wooded. Even if it wasn�t dark, the trees would have blocked the sunlight. The shaman was starting to regret having been so paranoid and doing his spellcasting so far from town. He was exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to crawl into a nice bed and sleep, but he was still in the wilderness.

Zelgadis wasn�t too terribly surprised when he rounded a bend in the path a few miles from the nearest town to find Xellos waiting for him, perched on the low-hanging bough of a tree. The Mazoku had a tendency to be dogged when he wanted to be, and given his odd reaction to the illusion spell, this seemed to be one of those times.

He couldn�t repress an annoyed sigh when Xellos jumped from the tree nimbly and fell in step beside him.

�What, are you stalking me instead of Lina now?� he muttered. He hoped that if he was rude enough�dropped enough hints that his opinion wasn�t welcome�the Mazoku would buzz off again before he got to town, but there really was no telling with Xellos.

�It was foolish of you to seek a shortcut,� Xellos said, ignoring his comment. �While it may not have been your intention, it has become who you are, no matter how much you deny it.�

Zel�s irritation flared. Xellos seemed determined to continue his argument, and he really didn�t want to listen to it. He intended to go to an inn, enjoy a nice dinner without having to hide, without being viewed with suspicion and dealing with stares, and get a room that didn�t have a monster fee tacked on. He wanted to be able to enjoy appearing human for the first time in years, not be lectured.

�It is not who I am. The amount of power I have or don't have has nothing to do with who I am!�

�It doesn�t simply make you powerful, but...� Xellos paused, searching for a word. �Exotic.�

Zelgadis kept walking, refusing to look at him, trying not to lose his temper. Of all the adjectives that had been used to describe him, this was probably the one that offended him the most. It was probably in part because it was a Mazoku saying it, but the word itself angered him as well. He�d heard it said about him in Femille�which had only made that whole experience worse�and it was the kind of thing people said about something to be kept and viewed like an oddity. He didn�t want to be a chimera, and he didn�t want to hear someone like Xellos trying to spin his appearance as a positive thing.

�Exotic is just a more polite way of saying freak,� the shaman finally said, trying not to grind his teeth.

Xellos twitched. �Don�t put words into my mouth.�

Zelgadis stopped in his tracks and scowled at him. �I don�t want to be �exotic,� you idiot. I just want to be me again.�

�You already are you. You shouldn�t have to change yourself just to get the acceptance of people who don�t even know you.�

�I�m changing back. If I happen to feel that I need to undo what Rezzo did to me, then that�s my business, not yours.�

Xellos� eyes opened. He looked irritated. �You�d go back to being a dull, stupid human? You should seek acceptance from people who will judge your heart, not your body. It shouldn�t matter.�

�And what about what I want?� Zel asked after a moment, his voice soft. �I don�t want to be like this. I never did.�

Xellos tapped his staff on the ground, hard. The noise resounded in the trees, echoing as though they were in a contained space. �But you are. You need to accept it.�

�Not if I can help it.� Xellos glared outright at his answer. Zel studied him for a moment. The priest�s anger was unreasonable. �For the life of me, I can�t figure out if you�re angry about an illusion or that I want to be cured. Why are you so bothered by this?�

�Because I like you the way you are!�

Zel flinched at the force of those words, practically roared. Then he frowned as their meaning hit him. �What?�

Xellos seemed startled by his own words, and didn�t answer, looking away.

�You what?� He couldn�t even begin to interpret what Xellos was trying to say. The Mazoku liked his appearance? Why?

�I�� Xellos trailed off, looking uncertain. He gripped his staff with both hands as though he really needed it to support himself.

This only irritated Zelgadis more. �Let me see if I understand. You�re saying that people shouldn�t judge me based on how I look. But also that you like my appearance�as if your taste wasn�t questionable before�and I�d be dull and stupid if I changed it? That�s a little hypocritical.�

Xellos frowned, his face reddening slightly. �I cannot explain it.�

Zelgadis just shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. �I don�t even know why I try to understand you sometimes.�

He certainly wasn't going to waste any more time trying. He started hiking again, fully intending to ignore Xellos, but the dark presence followed.

�You finding a cure has always been an abstract idea before.� Xellos� voice was soft, tentative. �But tonight, I learned how it would feel if you did find one. It shouldn�t matter to me, but� somehow, it does. If you become human, you�ll stop being you. I feel that for certain.�

Zelgadis sighed. Getting Xellos to drop it didn�t seem to be in the cards. �I still don�t see why that bothers you. Why does who I am or what I look like matter to you? It�s not like I�m anything but a pawn in whatever game the Beastmaster happens to be playing.�

�That would imply that I only care about my master�s plans. Is it that surprising that I care about other things?�

�Yes. Specifically, it�s surprising that you care about this.�

Zelgadis had been careful to stay away from Xellos, especially after his true nature was revealed, and the Mazoku had generally done the same, latching onto Lina. He hadn�t thought that Xellos even considered him anything beyond a companion of Lina�s who was occasionally useful, but the fact that he seemed so troubled over this illusion implied otherwise.

�It�s� surprising to me as well.� The priest truly did sound confused with himself. �You and the others� have always been different to me. I suppose I�ve just become accustomed to those differences.�

Zelgadis stopped again. �That makes it sound like you actually care about us somehow.�

Xellos blinked wide eyes at him. �I... I suppose that I do on some level.�

�But� you�re not supposed to.� This was mostly a guess, but as he watched the shadows play across Xellos� face, both real and emotional, he realized just how true that must be.

�Indeed.� Xellos bowed his head, letting the shadows hide his expression entirely. �Admitting it should feel like a weakness, but it doesn�t. It�s odd� I can�t explain the way you all make me feel. Lina-san, Gourry-san, Amelia-san, and� you.�

Zelgadis looked away, more than a little unsettled. He couldn�t accept the implications of those words, that pause, the tone of Xellos� voice when he�d whispered �you� as barely a breath.

�Why would it matter if I were human?� he asked, instead concentrating on the argument. �The others all are.�

Xellos shook his head. �I told you, I can�t explain it. I just know it would feel wrong to me.�

�How I am now feels wrong to me.�

�But you�re perfect the way you are!�

Zel pushed one hand through hair that appeared to be hair but felt like wire to him, frustrated. �I�m not perfect, and I don�t want to be.�

Slowly, Xellos reached out to touch Zelgadis� hair as well. The chimera held perfectly still, startled by the action.

�I think� I would be very sad, if your body was truly this soft and fragile.� He laughed softly and it sounded strained. �Nothing has made me feel sad in a long time. It�s strange.�

Zelgadis was confused by his words for a moment before he realized with an elated jolt that the illusion was fooling Xellos� senses, that he was feeling real hair instead of wire. It was little wonder that the Mazoku was so troubled. He�d been thrown off balance.

�It shouldn�t bother you. It�s not your body,� he eventually said.

Xellos only smiled. �Hm. My body isn�t nearly so interesting.�

Zelgadis moved away from Xellos� hand. The Mazoku had done it again. First exotic, now interesting.

�That�s the problem,� he whispered. �I�m tired of being �interesting.� Someone who wants to be interesting can have it.�

Xellos blinked at him, almost thoughtful. His arm remained outstretched. �Somehow, I don�t think your body would be as interesting without you in it��

�Then why does what my body looks like matter to you?�

�Because�� Xellos shifted closer, one finger touching Zel�s cheek pale, stoneless cheek. ��You feel vulnerable like this. Yes, maybe that�s it.�

The chimera�s eyes widened at the touch, and he flinched away. The sensation was dulled as it usually was, but it made him distinctly uncomfortable; no one had touched him like that since Rezzo, and that was an unwelcome memory. �Why does that matter?�

Xellos blinked and lowered his hand. �I don�t know. It just does.�

Zelgadis looked away, bitter. Xellos� touch had reminded him of more than just Rezzo�s pretense of caring. �It�s an illusion. With my luck, it�ll never become a reality. I�ll always be an invulnerable, untouchable, unfeeling rock.�

Xellos frowned and poked him again, this time in the arm. �You can feel that, can�t you?�

�Somewhat. Ever since Rezzo changed me, it�s like my sense of touch is muted,� he said softly, startled that the Mazoku had latched onto that one word. The illusion might bother Xellos, but this entire conversation had Zelgadis off-balance, and he didn�t like it. �I can�t feel the breeze on my face, rainfall, or differences in temperature unless they�re extreme.�

Xellos� frown deepened. He leaned his staff against a tree and reached out with both hands, sticking them underneath Zel�s shirt before the shaman could react. His fingers danced along the sorcerer�s skin, an attempt at tickling.

�And this?�

Zelgadis shoved his hands away and put some distance between them, flushing. He tightened his belt so the Mazoku couldn�t do it again. "Fine, turn it into a joke. This is why I don�t listen to you.�

Xellos looked surprised. �I�m not joking! I meant no offense, Zelgadis-san, and I apologize. I only wanted to see the extent of your sensitivity.�

The chimera folded his arms over his chest, incredibly discomfited with the brief exposure even though the illusion helped him appear human, and even more perturbed by Xellos� insistence on touching him�a touch that was becoming increasingly invasive.

He sighed softly. �Not enough for it to matter,� he said. �The illusion can�t mask reality from me.�

�Hm�� Xellos titled his head thoughtfully. �It�s strangely like mine. This is only a projection, after all.� He waved at his body, covered in priestly robes.

�You�re not trapped in it,� Zelgadis pointed out. Xellos didn�t even have to exist on this plane. Even though he was far too tired to want to have any sort of conversation, he was relieved that the Mazoku had gone back to the argument he�d started instead of continuing to touch him.

�In a way� But I can�t exactly walk around in public in my real form.�

Zelgadis shrugged and started to walk toward town again. �Because of my body, I can�t walk around in public without being considered a monster. So I�m using an illusion, just like you are.�

Xellos nodded, this new perspective seeming to calm him somewhat. �Then I suppose it�s not the illusion itself that I have a problem with.�

�So what do you have a problem with?�

�I told you, I like you the way you are,� the priest said softly, ducking his head so that his bangs shielded half of his face from view.

The shaman stopped, studying him for a moment. The conversation was, again, straying into territory that made him uneasy. He didn�t understand why Xellos was so insistent about this.

�I don�t see why.�

Xellos sighed. �I wish you could see how beautiful you are��

Zelgadis stiffened and flushed, and was too flustered to speak at first. Those words, combined with the touches and looks that had preceded them, were troubling. Xellos was toying with him, and in a way that he hadn�t expected. He wished he was in town, or with Lina, somewhere where he wouldn�t bother him. But he knew that if the priest was really as determined as he seemed to be, nothing would dissuade him.

�You�re an idiot,� he finally murmured, but he couldn�t summon force behind the words. He couldn�t look at the Mazoku.

�Not many would insult me so lightly, you know,� Xellos said mildly. He didn�t sound insulted though, which unfortunately seemed to mean that he wasn�t going to drop the matter and leave Zel alone. �Your body, your soul, your heart� They all make up who you are. It�s� disturbing to imagine you differently. You are beautiful.�

Zelgadis felt frozen, pinned by his gaze. There was no way Xellos was telling the truth, not with this, not with his Mazoku nature, and just hearing him say what he knew wasn�t true hurt. He stared at the ground for several seconds before he finally looked Xellos in the eyes.

�What, exactly, do you want? What are you playing at?� he asked slowly. Zelgadis forced the illusion away, revealing his pebbled stone skin and wire hair, the hideous inhuman visage that he hated. �This is not beautiful.�

Xellos� frown returned again. �You don't believe me.�

�It�s a lie,� he hissed.

�I don�t lie,� the Mazoku countered. �I may run, hide, and evade the truth, but I�ve never lied.�

�That wasn�t truth.�

�How can I make you believe me, then? Ask anything of me and I�ll prove it.�

Zelgadis just shook his head. He didn�t feel like playing mind games�not now or ever. He started moving again, faster than before. The shaman knew he couldn�t walk fast enough to leave Xellos behind, but he was determined to try anyway.

But Xellos pressed on, continuing to follow him. �Think about it logically, Zelgadis-san. What could I possibly gain from trying to trick you? If my master sent me, I would be off cajoling Lina-san, not you.�

Zelgadis ignored him, not interested in hearing any more, and tried to concentrate on something else. He realized that he needed to bring the illusion back up before he reached town, or he�d deal with the suspicion he was trying to avoid. He took a deep breath and considered what word he should use to activate the illusion again. He ran through several in his mind before coming to the right one�one that would piss Xellos off enough for him to leave, he hoped.

He stared right at the priest when he said it. "Truth."

He felt the illusion pop back up, his skin masked beneath what should have been reality. Zel smirked triumphantly at the taken aback look on Xellos� face, confident that the Mazoku would finally leave him alone.

TBC. Reviews are loved.
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To Love a Lie	By : RoseThorne Category: +S to Z > Slayers Views: 1284 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: We do not own Slayers and do not make any money writing this.

To Love a Lie