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A Paradise for Kids	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1723 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
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CHAPTER 3

Soichiro didn't know what to expect when meeting L. The Kira task force used to be a huge room with dozens of men, but it had shrunk to just a handful of officers, all quite young except himself. Maybe the older guys were smarter, or they all had families to worry about. And now, the location of headquarters would be L's hotel suite.

Well, I'm Chief of the NPA, so there's no way I can fail these men. I must show them the way; I must be stronger, braver. If I quit because of the fear of Kira, everyone else will lose heart.

But still, Soichiro felt inadequate. There had never been such a young Chief of the NPA, a mere 41 years old, and he wondered if he was up to working with a great detective like L. Would L be disappointed to see a bunch of inexperienced young officers? The NPA was full of cowards.

But, when they all opened the door and saw L, Soichiro felt some of his self-confidence return, though he wasn't quite sure about his confidence in L.

L looked younger than any of them, incredibly scrawny, with long black hair down to his shoulders and falling into his face, nearly hiding his huge, black, bugged-out eyes. But his clothing was the most outrageous. Normally, Soichiro would have said the sloppy-looking long-sleeved t-shirt and baggy jeans were the most outrageous items, but it was the hat that really did it.

L was wearing the strangest hat Soichiro had ever seen. It looked like a shallow dish, and it had cake in it. As Soichiro watched, a robot arm on the side of the hat neatly cut out a bite-sized piece of cake and reached down to place it in L's mouth. L licked it in with a rolling motion of his tongue and chewed thoughtfully, then said, "Hi, I am L."

Everyone else held up their badges and introduced themselves.

L held up his finger and said, "Bang!"

In the next moments, L explained that nobody on the Kira task force should give out their names to people who didn't already know them. Otherwise, they'd get killed by Kira.

Aizawa said, "Is this a joke? Aren't you too young to be a detective? Are you fifteen or something?"

L said, "I'm seventeen, actually."

"That's okay," Matsuda said, "I'm eighteen, and Ukita is only nineteen. Ukita got into the NPA by graduating early, but I think it was nepotism in my case."

Soichiro said, "Matsuda! All of us who are here are braver than anyone else in the NPA. We're all qualified to be here."

Then L made his way further into the suite, to an area where there was a table and many chairs gathered around it. On the way, L stopped and put some doughnuts into his hat right beside the cake.

As L settled down into a monkey-like crouch on a chair and his hat fed him another bite of cake, he said, "Well, everyone is safe here. I trust all of you completely and know none of you are Kira."

"I'm glad," Aizawa said, "but, how do you know?"

L started playing videos on multiple screens, showing Raye Penber's death and the moments leading up to it.

L said, "It has become clear that, of the twelve FBI agents who died, Kira had contact with only one, Raye Penber."

Soichiro said, "How can you say that? All of them acted like this."

"Yes," L said, "but there are a number of differences. Raye Penber had more examples of erratic behavior before he died, including carrying an envelope clearly visible on surveillance video that disappeared before his death and riding a subway train in circles for far too long. However, there are more important differences than that."

L got out a clear plastic evidence bag containing red curtains and placed it on the table.

L said, "First, only two of the FBI agents managed to actually get red curtains as their capes. In the comic books, Captain Underpants wears red curtains. Some FBI agents managed to get curtains of the wrong color, or used something red but a tablecloth, towel, or sheet instead of curtains. Raye Penber was the only one who got it exactly right. These curtains even have tiny black dots on them, just like in the comic books."

Ukita said, "That just means he knew more about the comics, right?"

"No," L said, "Forensics tests show no fingerprints, pollen, hair, or even dust on these curtains. It was likely they were purchased with this purpose in mind and kept in the same plastic bag they were sold in until Raye himself opened that bag. Either Raye was controlled much earlier than the other FBI victims and he had enough time to purchase the correct curtains, or Kira bought those curtains himself and gave them to Raye. Either way, Kira is most certainly one of the people Raye was following."

Soichiro said, "Who was Raye Penber following?"

L looked right at Soichiro and said, "The Yagami family. You, your wife, your son and your daughter."

Soichiro's mind ran in circles. There had to be some mistake.

Soichiro said, "I'm not Kira! Run whatever tests you need to. I'll do whatever it takes. I can prove it."

L said, "Chief Yagami, didn't I already tell you I'm sure nobody here is Kira? It is true that Raye Penber was mainly there to watch you, but since you're not smart enough to be Kira, it could only be someone else in your household."

Soichiro said, "What!"

"That's why I gave you and the other NPA officers working on the Kira case intelligence tests two days ago. You're nowhere near smart enough to be Kira. Your son Light Yagami is, though. He's already smarter than most college students."

Soichiro choked out, "You... you think... I'm not as smart as my ten-year-old son?"

L ignored the question and used a remote control to display death scene photos of criminals.

L said, "Your son is familiar with the 'Captain Underpants' comics series, and his school records are full of references about his obsession with the Teletubbies. Take a good look at these."

Soichiro looked.

Shit!

One of the criminals had drawn what was clearly a picture of Po, the smallest Teletubby, the one who wore a red suit. And, he'd drawn it in his own blood.

Five of the criminals had written poems about the Teletubbies before their heart attacks, once again using blood on the walls of their cells. This was beginning to feel like it might be... just slightly plausible... that Kira had something to do with Light. But Light couldn't actually be Kira. That simply wasn't possible.

The robot arm on L's cake-hat reached down and tried to feed him another bite, but he said, "No," just as it reached his mouth, then said, "Doughnut with green sprinkles."

Voice recognition? And, who knows what else?

The robot arm went back up to the pile of cake and doughnuts and hovered there, scanning a grid of red laser-lights over the pile, then neatly sliced out a bite-sized piece of the doughnut with the green sprinkles and then gently fed it to L.

L said, "I propose that we install hidden cameras in the Yagami household and try to see if Light Yagami is Kira or has any connection to Kira. However, I'm open to other suggestions or insights. I'd like to hear what each one of you thinks about the Raye Penber incident. Starting with you, Ukita, since police records show you were actually called to the scene, though I see you've failed to write a report about it."

In a weird monotone, Ukita said, "I have nothing to say about that."

What was going on? Soichiro glanced at L and saw a very alarmed look on the detective's face.

L said, "Ukita, I'm afraid you must tell us. We can arrest you for conspiracy and withholding information."

Shit! Was Ukita on Kira's side?

In the next moment, Ukita had jumped up and was running for the door of the suite.

L shouted, "Stop him, but don't kill him. He could be controlled!"

Soichiro started running. Ukita was already out the door. He heard the pounding of many feet behind him and was sure all the others were following him.

Soichiro said, "Someone, stay behind to protect L."

And then Soichiro was slipping into the hotel hallway, looking both ways. Completely empty. There was a stairway at either end of the hallway, and an elevator in the middle. Which way had Ukita gone?

Soichiro ran for the furthest stairway and said, without even looking back over his shoulder, "One of you take the other stairway, and one the elevator. If you can't find him quickly, guard the entrances of the hotel, front and back."

Soichiro reached his stairway and pounded down it, even though he still didn't see or hear Ukita. Ukita was probably trying to escape the building. There wasn't much sense in holing up inside.

Then, Soichiro heard a screeching of tires just as he was running out the front entrance and saw Ukita, lying on the road in a pool of blood. He immediately pulled out his cellphone and called for an ambulance, then ran to Ukita's body and checked it, finding a weak pulse. The woman who had hit Ukita was standing nearby, hovering helplessly, a look of sheer shock on her face. Soichiro made sure to get her name while waiting for the ambulance.

Then, when the ambulance got there, Soichiro accompanied Ukita all the way to the hospital and waited anxiously with the other Kira task force members as Ukita was being operated on, in hopes of saving his life. A few hours later, the news came back. Ukita was dead.

A/N (Author's Note):

Yes, Ukita's death was written for four days in the future, and the task force's first meeting with L was four days after the Raye Penber incident.

Since canon L describes his seventeen-year-old self as someone who did "weird things" I was trying to make a weirder version of L. However, L is already so weird that making him too weird could easily derail the plot and turn this from crack fiction into just plain OOC cheese, so I had trouble with it.

When I imagine teenage L, I often imagine him with hair that is somewhat longer, and people's hair styles usually do change through time, so I put that here.

Since Watari is an inventor, I wanted L to be using one of Watari's weird inventions. The cake hat is roughly modeled after the beer hats you sometimes see at sporting events.
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A Paradise for Kids