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Ranko 1/2	By : humdrum07 Category: +M to R > Ranma ½ Views: 9788 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma 1/2 or its characters, nor do I make any money from this story

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“Woah, woah, hold up... marry Mousse?”

Cologne nodded and looked at her calmly, her large toad like eyes glistening in the sun. “Yes.”

“How is that going to save me? And doesn't he have to defeat me since he's an Amazon?”

“Well... not exactly. The Kiss of Marriage isn't the only way we do engagements. You can simply just agree to marry him in front of two Amazons... that would be me and Shampoo.”

“Okay... but you're forgetting to tell me how this will save me.”

“Ranko... food's getting cold. I don't think I can keep your half away from pops and Happy!” Ranma yelled from inside the house.

“Let them have it... I'll just eat out!” she called back and then returned her attention toward Cologne.

“Well... that's easy. If you are legally engaged to another Amazon, Shampoo can't give you the Kiss of Death.”

“What happens if she does?”

“Then she'll be put to death or exiled... it really depends on the severity of her victim's death.”

“The severity of the victim's death?” Ranko paused and started to walk with Cologne to the Nekohanten. “So... if she poison's me, she'll be exiled?”

“Yes... and then down the drain go her hopes of becoming leader.”

“And if she beheads me... she'll be killed?”

Cologne nodded, “Also down the drain, her hopes go.”

“Thanks, like I didn't know that, Yoda.”

“Yoda?” Cologne raised her head and halted her hopping.

“He's from Star Wars... some American movie Ranma was watching the other day. Don't worry about it.”

“I know not about this Star Wars, but we must go to the Nekohanten,” Cologne pogoed along the street while Ranko trailed behind.

“Wait... Old hag's pretty fast.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Cologne... I just remembered something,” Ranko looked up at the Nekohanten with something akin to fear in her eyes.

“What is it child?”

“Um... how about your crazy grand daughter trying to kill me?” she pointed rather dramatically at the Nekohanten.

“Easy... we'll change you into a man and then change you back before your engagement.”

“Normally that would work... maybe... but you're forgetting that I cut my hair a week ago,” she pointed to her head. Indeed she did cut her hair. Now, instead of the long ponytail Ranma had always kept his hair in, Ranko had her hair cut in a choppy bob, kind of like Nabiki's, but with her bangs being the same as always.

“Oh... right... you're a martial artist... you can defend yourself!” Cologne pushed the hysterical girl into the restaurant and locked the door behind her. Luckily the last of the lunch/early dinner patrons had left.

“Um... Shampoo... so nice to see you.”

“Great grandmother, what she do here?” Shampoo glared at the red-head. “Not matter...” As if by magic, her clothes had changed into the traditional robes she had worn in Joketsuzoku and had retrieved the two chúi weapons from nowhere. “You die now!”

Ranko seemed to be frozen in place, looking at the chúi descend upon her, as if in slow motion. A chain wrapped itself around her waist and pulled her toward shampoo, who was now jumping, so Ranko was pulled under her legs.

“Shampoo... stop!” Cologne bopped her over the head with her cane once she landed, then swept her feet from under her.

“Aya!”

Cologne was about to scold Shampoo when suddenly a commotion from the front counter grabbed her attention. There, sitting against the counter, coming out of unconsciousness, was Ranko who was grabbing her head. Mousse stood over her, his chains disappearing in his robes.

“I'm sorry Ranko... are you okay?”

“Yeah... I think you saved me...” she looked up at him and flashed him a weak smile, letting him know that she was fine.

“You should have gotten out of the way.”

“Mousse, give her the Kiss of Marriage!” Cologne yelled.

“What?”

“Kiss of Marriage, now!” Cologne flipped Shampoo over again with her cane once her great-grand daughter started moving.

“Um...” Mousse slowly but surely leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. It was a quick kiss, but long enough to cement the promise of engagement.

“There... now she is engaged by amazon law. Mousse has defeated her.”

“But I didn't--”

“That hardly defeat...”

“Oh no my child... he did defeat her. He used his art and in turn knocked her out.”

“Still, that no defeat,” Shampoo yelled and was about to get up, preparing her chúi for the upcoming mêlée, but was thwarted by Cologne once again.

“Then how about this...” she turned to Ranko and Mousse. “Ranko, do you accept the Kiss of Marriage, or would you rather that the one who gave it to you return to China never to seek you out again?”

Ranko looked from three Amazons before her. Mousse seemed to be staring at her with fear in his eyes, he obviously didn't want to go back to China. Shampoo was glaring at her as usual, upset that this now put a damper on her plans. Cologne just stood there, standing smugly on her cane.

“Yes... I accept.”

“You what?” came both cries of astonishment, though Mousse's was somewhat quieter while Shampoo yelled in rage.

“Good...” Cologne smiled then turned to Shampoo and hardened her stare. “She is now Mousse's betrothed. You do know the consequences of killing an Amazon's fiancée whether she is an outsider or not.”

“Yes, great-grandmother,” Shampoo stood up and looked to the ground, her shoes had suddenly become interesting to look at.

“Good... now,” she switched to Mandarin so that Ranko couldn't understand. All Ranko knew in Mandarin were a few greetings. “Xian Pu, if you continue on this path you will not be able to marry Ranma nor will you become Joketsuzoku leader... go.”

“Yes, great grandmother Koh Lon,” she retreated upstairs to her room, but not before shooting Ranko another dirty look.

“Well...” Ranko started. She stood up with Mousse's help.

“I'm guessing this was all a way to keep Shampoo from giving you the Kiss of Death?”

“Yeah... you're not too mad are you?” she asked him.

Mousse shook his head, “No... at least you're safe now.”

She didn't know why, but having him worry about her well-being made her feel warm and tingly inside. She wasn't aware that she was looking in his glasses, trying to look through them to see his eyes, and he was still grasping her forearm with one hand over her waist, until Cologne decided to make it known that she was still in the room.

“Well... maybe I should leave you two lovebirds alone. I shall be going to China in the days to come to let the other elders know of the upcoming wedding. In the mean time... where is my good for nothing grandson-in-law?”

“You called grandmother?” Shampoo's father stood at the back entrance to the kitchen. He had just gotten in from running errands that Mousse was supposed to be running. This switch of roles was done often by the two males. One day Mousse would cook while the other day Shampoo's father would and Mousse would do the errands. It was their way of coping with the mundane void that was their life.

“Barber, you should check on your daughter... she's had a rather hectic day. I will be leaving to China to announce Mousse's wedding.”

“But grandmother--”

“No buts Song Ba Bo!”

“Of course grandmother Kuh Lon...” he bowed and opened the front door for her, waiting for her to go through it.

“What are you doing idiot?” she bopped him on the head with cane. He wasn't very bright. She could never get past the fact that he had defeated her grand daughter, Powder. Surely her parents hadn't trained her correctly.

“I thought you were going to China.”

“Not now you idiot,” she felt this deserved another hit on the head. “I need a stiff drink... surrounded by all these...” she trailed off in her rant and kept mumbling something about the town of Furinkan being full of idiots before walking up the steps to get ready for her trip.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Where were you?” Ranma stared down at Ranko once she entered the Tendo house. “I managed to keep your food safe,” he handed her a Styrofoam box with chains around it.

“Thanks... but I ate out... with my fiancé.”

“Good, because I was getting hungry aga – fiancé?” Ranma set the food aside, luckily the Tendos were off doing whatever, while Genma left to meet Nodoka somewhere. “Pop didn't have a hand in this did he?”

Ranko smiled and shook her head. “No... I doubt that if he did he would have engaged me to Mousse. Doesn't he hate him?”

“Wait, Mousse? Is that what Cologne came to talk to you about?” he grabbed the key from the sash around his waist and placed it in the lock around the Styrofoam box. He knew the chains were probably a bit too much, but they were needed seeing as keeping her food safe from both Happosai and Genma was a terrible feat.

“Yeah, I guess engaging me to an Amazon was the only way for Shampoo to stop pursuing me about the Kiss of Death.”

“Hmmm... I thought it might be something like that. It's not like you're really gonna marry him, right?”

“Oh no... we will be expected to wed,” she reached over to the now open Styrofoam box and plucked broccoli saturated in sauce, giving him an evil smile before biting into it.

“Hey, this is my food now...” he pulled the box away from her, cradling it to his chest. “So, you two will have to get married? How do you feel about that?”

“Big bad Ranma Saotome talking about feelings... I never thought I'd see the day.”

“Shut up...”

“I guess it's okay... I mean... I kind of sort of like him.”

Ranma laughed as he ate, “I knew it...”

“Whatever,” she reached for the food again, only to have him pull it away again. “The wedding's in China... Cologne's leaving tomorrow to inform the elders.”

“Are we invited... you know we're like your family,” he said with a hopeful tinge to his voice. Not only would he like to attend the wedding, but he could finally get some water from the Spring of Drowned Man.

“Well, I'd invite you all in a heartbeat... but I have to talk to Cologne. I don't know how the marriage ritual is done.”

“That's understandable... so you're actually going to go through with this?”

“Yeah, why not? It's not like I'll be able to marry any other man without him being creeped out about this curse... at least Mousse already knows about it. I just feel guilty that now he won't have his chance with Shampoo. But I intend to remedy that by being the best wife to him ever.”

“Hmmm...” he continued eating. “Well if you're set on this... then you've got my support.”

She smiled at him and gave him a pat on the head like a child, to which he stuck out his tongue. “Thanks Ranma!”

For anyone wondering, the Ranma wiki says that chúi are the weapons Shampoo uses that resemble bonbori, which are Japanese paper lamps. She's a CHINESE Amazon. Why would she originally fight with JAPANESE weapons in a village that seems to shun outside influences? Besides, choosing to fight with a paper lamp would not be very effective.
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Ranko 1/2