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We're Crazy (RussCan)	By : socksnbacon Category: +G to L > Hetalia: Axis Powers Views: 1171 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, or it's respective characters, all credit to Himaruya Hidekazu. No profit was made with this story.

Chapter List
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The way the next few days went without so much as a peep from Ivan, despite him going to bed far earlier than he usually did, almost left the entire ward even more on edge than it had been previously. It was almost as if everyone expected Ivan to do something and when he hadn't it only made it worse.

Clearly word had gone from patients who had been around far longer than everyone else, the Vargas twins, Heracles and Yan Huo, about various events which had been expected to occur.

As Matthew watched Ivan slink away several hours earlier than bed time on the night of the 29^th he felt a sharp spike of anxiety in his chest, poor Ivan, having to hide away like that. Even having been treated as if the meeting nights prior hadn't occurred, with Ivan looking over him as he did every other day, Matthew felt bad for the large man. Always wearing his oversized coat and scarf even when it was warm in the facility, right now it was freezing though Matthew could feel it in his fingers.

A quick glance around the lounge told him everyone else was watching Ivan as he left the room as well, save for Alfred who was busy folding a piece of paper Feliciano had given him into a paper airplane. Matthew realised they weren't worried about the same thing he was though; they all looked concerned for themselves.

It was one of those uncommon nights that everyone was in the lounge, even Kiku who usually hid away in his room after dinner. Heracles had fallen asleep in a chair and then conveniently slumped over so he was half on Kiku's chair, and resting his head on Kiku's lap despite the high chair arm poking into his side. Usually the nurses protested if a patient was having too much contact, though since it was clearly an "accident" they hadn't said anything to the slightly hyperventilating Japanese man.

Matthew observed in silence as Toris came over and gently removed the airplane from Alfred's fingers, albeit to Alfred's loud complaints about his right to free speech which had nothing to do with paper airplanes. Yan Huo looked up at him momentarily, glancing up from a rather intricate drawing of a firework, and then went back to his book. Seconds later the Chinese man noticed Matthew was watching him and pulled his book up to his chest to make sure he couldn't see anything.

It was at this point that Matthew stood up to also retire to his room. Rarely did he ever do such things, yet he didn't feel like staying awake at that moment. Or, more so, he didn't feel like releasing that even as he stepped around Yan Huo's legs and Alfred's extended rocking chair footstool no one noticed he'd stood up at all. Yan Huo still had his book cradled against his chest as if it had been violated.

Without very much enthusiasm Matthew approached the nurse's table and then proceeded to stand in silence for several minutes. Arthur was reading a book, the contents unviewable for the man had pulled the book up so close to his face he may have been napping and no one would notice the difference. Ludwig was mid "room patrol" which, while it was supposed to simply be a quick sweep of the room to make sure people were behaving, had turned into a drawing contest in which he and Gilbert were the judges. Toris was safely disposing of the paper airplane, by placing it in a lockable cupboard with various shelves of other things he was sure he'd seen Alfred make. There was a paper dinosaur, the pencil he'd so proudly thrown at Ivan, several paper balls, and now the paper airplane.

Matthew wondered if, when Alfred went home, they'd present the little ornaments like a prize. Matthew wondered if Alfred wouldn't just turn around and throw them all at Ivan.

The silence continued comfortably, well no one really knew he was there so it was comfortable for everyone else. Matthew spent the time studying his shoes, the grout which connected the tiled floor to the counter of the nurse's station, the lip of the table which stuck out just slightly despite it being the perfect place for someone to hit their leg on purpose, anything except the nurses who were now not pointedly ignoring him, but just not seeing him.

Finally, the sound of paper fluttering slightly, "Yes, Matthew?" Arthur asked, only sounding the slightest bit annoyed with having to put his book down to address a patient. Matthew looked up from the laces of his shoes and into Arthur's questioning gaze.

"I'm going to bed now." Matthew replied softly, his voice crackling from it's usual disuse. Arthur's expression became perplexed.

"Are you feeling sickly lad?" Slowly the Brit stood, setting his book aside and actually looking at Matthew instead of just seeing him. Toris stood up as well, his "motherly instincts" clearly kicking in.

"Did dinner make you sick? You seemed fine at group today, do you need anything?" The brunette asked, his head tilted slightly and his face lit with concern.

Matthew considered the irony that he could have simply gone to his room and no one would have noticed for hours, and then simply shook his head, the unruly curl which always fell into his eyes bounced slightly as he did so. "No, 'm just tired I suppose." For a moment Toris and Arthur turned away from him, to each other, and had a strange silent conversation with their eyes that only parents were supposed to have.

After what seemed like eternity Toris nodded slightly and Arthur turned back to him. As Toris sat down again Arthur nodded, at Matthew, "Go to bed then, let us know if you need anything, Elizabetha will be here at 11, and Celeste will be here around midnight." As he said this Arthur sunk back down into his chair and took his book back into hand, clearly he'd been dismissed. With the slightest of nods Matthew turned to retreat to his room.

-

Matthew had lay awake; his back facing the door, through the rest of freetime, through Alfred coming in as quietly as he could, and all the way through to what he could only believe was after midnight.

Alfred had clearly been told to come in quietly, or he would have enthusiastically tried to wake him up to have a conversation about nothing in particular. Matthew had heard the sound of Ludwig going home, the sound of Elizabetha coming in as Toris went home, and then the sound of Celeste coming in a few minutes late after Arthur had left rambling about French people and tardiness.

The nightstaff had done at least two walks of the hallway, which meant it was at least twenty minutes past midnight.

With a heavy sigh Matthew sat up, turned to look at Alfred, and then pushed off of his bed and onto the floor. He probably could have slept, he realised, but he hadn't been able to get the view of Ivan slinking down the hallway to bed out of his head; the way he hadn't even had to ask for permission, the way that every head sans Alfred's turned up to look at him as he went, the general feeling of anxiety even as it became clear he wasn't coming back again.

This time it was easy to get out of his room, without so much as a worry that he would be spotted, and even easier to slip down to the end of the hallway and push open the door to Ivan's room. Before he even had the door all the way open he heard the man speak, his voice heavy as if he had been sleeping, but had woken up.

"I would not want to be in this room tonight, Matvei." The man muttered, voice muffled, and the threat may have been taken seriously if he hadn't used the nickname. Having been the first time he heard that name in several nights, Matthew felt a chill of pleasure run up his spine and only opened the door quicker. He pulled it closed behind him and pushed his back against the wall, giving the man on the bed plenty of room if he felt he wanted to get up.

Ivan was laying facing away from him, which had been apparent to Matthew when he'd heard how muffled Ivan's voice was. In fact, Matthew had been shocked that Ivan knew it was him.

Silence rang through the room, causing his ears to fill it in with a high pitched ringing that he hated. All he could hear was Ivan breathing; perhaps he'd assumed Matthew would leave after he spoke.

"Uhm-" Matthew started, but was quickly silenced when Ivan sat up and turned to look at him all in one movement. The narrowed purple eyes were clouded, with sleep, slight annoyance, and the undertones of sadness that no one ever quite caught.

"You have awoken me from a pleasant dream, how will you fix this problem?" Ivan asked, his voice far less thick now.

"I… Well…" Clearly Matthew was a brilliant master of articulate speech, and clearly Ivan caught onto this because he looked rather amused. With a slight brandish of his arm, Ivan motioned to the second bed in the room which sat on the opposite wall from the door, perpendicular to Ivan's bed.

"You have entered my home, please sit, is manners, da?" Ivan's voice filled the confusion which Matthew had momentarily felt. Matthew stood dumbfounded, for this was completely different from the reaction he'd had mere nights before where he'd been instructed to leave.

Without much thought, or speech other than a garbled mix of "thanks" and "yah", Matthew scrambled to the other side of the small room and to sit on the side of the bed he'd been presented with.

For a moment Matthew connected sitting on the bed with Ivan's earlier question, and then scolded himself when the only movement the larger man made was to push himself against the wall his bed was against and pull his blankets over himself.

"Is cold night again, yes?" Ivan asked, seemingly making a serious attempt at small talk.

"Well, I suppose so, I'm not cold, but-" Matthew's broken response was interrupted.

"Tonight is always cold." Ivan added darkly, and Matthew wondered if he'd even been speaking to him in the first place. They fell into silence, into a silence where Matthew played with the blanket left on the bed, and watched the way the moonlight danced across the floor through the grated window.

"I heard you." Ivan said finally, causing Matthew to look up at him and find that Ivan was staring at him, "Going to bed early, Toris was quite worried for you… Are you ill?" The inquiry seemed innocent enough, but all Matthew could do was shake his head. Ivan's eyes narrowed slightly, "Why do you come to me on this night?" He asked, his voice slightly colder than before. Matthew's gaze darted to his lap, legs quickly pulled up off of the edge of the bed and into a cross-legged position on the bed.

"I… I'm not really sure, well I think I'm sure but, it's really hard to tell." Matthew replied, creating nothing but a very confusing train of though in his mind and surely Ivan's. Matthew glanced up again, watching as Ivan's head lolled back against the wall with a slight thud. Ivan looked tired.

"Surely you have heard the news before, yes Matvei? Do you know what tonight is?" Ivan didn't move, his eyes had slid closed and his mouth was the only thing that moved. Matthew didn't really want to disclose his life from several years earlier, didn't feel like sharing it at this moment, and so he answered honestly.

"Well, it's the 30^th now, so the night before New Years Eve?" He tried, his tone sounding nearly as helpless as he felt. He was met with a soft sigh, and then a giggle much like that of a child.

"Nyet, nyet, nyet Matvei." Ivan replied, voice slightly higher than before and his head shaking after each "Nyet". Now Ivan let his head turn slowly, never leaving the wall as if he couldn't hold it up, when he was finally facing Matthew's direction his eyes opened slightly, "Tonight is the anniversary, of the death of my family."

Now the silence that filled the room was one of first calculation, then confusion, then understanding, which was followed by slight fear and apprehension. Ivan turned his head again, facing the ceiling as he let his head fall backwards against the wall again.

Matthew wasn't sure of what to say, "But Ivan you killed your family" or, "I'm so sorry" definitely didn't sound right. For a moment Matthew felt like he'd stepped into a dangerous trap, and then he felt like Ivan had tricked him, but then he remembered that Ivan had warned him before he'd even entered the room. Then, to a chill up his spine, he remembered that Ivan had been awoken from a "pleasant dream".

Matthew, for the first time in a long time, spent a good long moment watching someone. Sure, he glanced at people, took in scenes, but he never really watched someone for more than an instant. Ivan was breathing steadily, eyes closed, but clearly not sleeping, the expression on his face unreadable beyond neutrality, his knees pulled up to his chest as if they were protecting him from something, his arms holding the blanket around him tightly.

"Tonight is… Always cold?" Matthew asked softly, watching for the reaction. As if confused by Matthew's question, Ivan's eyes cracked open for a moment, his lips pulled downwards slightly, and then his eyes slid closed again and his lips pulled upwards into a tiny smile.

"Da, Matvei, very cold." Ivan replied, not moving again for another eternity.

"Do you want my blankets?" Matthew offered, watching as Ivan removed a hand from his blanket to cover his mouth, a soft chuckle escaping despite his efforts.

"Nyet, Matvei." And then the hand disappeared under his blankets again. Matthew found himself in silence again, a slight frown etched on his face as he tried to decide his next action. He analysed, remembering Ivan's warning, how he'd been "awakened from a pleasant dream", directed Matthew to sit, and then proceeded to attempt a conversation with him no matter how disturbing it seemed.

After another moment of eternity, Matthew shifted slightly, swinging his legs out, and then under the blanket as he laid down on the bed, and rolled over to face the wall.

"What are you doing?" Came a small, rather confused, voice.

"Sleeping." Was Matthew's reply, as he stubbornly squared his shoulders.

"And why are you doing this thing? Sleeping…" Ivan inquired, the sound of his shifting on the bed registered in Matthew's hearing.

"I figure," Matthew started, rolling over so he could look at Ivan and see that the man had shifted to move closer to the end of his bed and to Matthew himself, "That if I stay in here, it'll warm up, and you won't be so cold." Matthew tried his logic, watching as the gears turned in Ivan's head, and then the slight smile that grew onto the man's face again.

"Your brother, Jones, he will be cold." Ivan put in, his smile turning into a grin.

"Alfred sleeps hot anyways, the room's a sauna half the time." Matthew retorted, watching again as Ivan's mind worked away.

"You will be written up, surely." Ivan added.

"Good night, Ivan." Matthew replied, rolling to face the wall again. The conversation was done, he'd decided. The sounds of Ivan shifting and then laying down on his own bed filled the room, and then the sound of complete silence for a few minutes.

Just as Matthew was falling asleep he heard Ivan speak again.

"Matvei, this dream I was having… Perhaps it was not so pleasant and, perhaps, I did not mind so much being awoken from it." Now it was Matthew's turn to smile slightly, because he'd figured that one out quite a while ago.
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We're Crazy (RussCan)