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I Leave You, My Pride	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 5780 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
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Chapter 3

A Lion's Love
The grave was empty. Everyone knew that even as they stood around it and listened to the funeral sermon. After all, the person it was meant for had not even been human, and he had no body left behind to put into the ground.
When Loke died, he simply faded from existence.
The entire black-clothed crowd kept glancing to Lucy. They knew this was hardest on her. Maybe she had not been there during the entire three years when he posed as a human, but Loke had been her loyal Celestial Spirit for a long time … some said they were "more than friends." She used to fiercely deny it while still blushing.
No one dared to tease her now.
Gray watched her a little closer than the others, and he had made sure to stand beside her during the prayers and sermon over the grave marker. He realized she was not crying. Her eyes, obscured by a black veiled hat, were empty. She stared at the tombstone as if it did not even exist. He knew full well that she had cried and raged for days after Loke's death. Now, nothing. Maybe her tears were all used up. Gray was not sure, but one thing was certain.
Something more was wrong with Lucy. She did not look merely grieving. She looked preoccupied, as if something even worse than losing her loyal friend was weighing on her mind.

After the funeral, the crowd went to the guild hall for drinks. There were no wild parties this time, no crazy music and boisterous drinking contests. There were whispers of "I still can't believe he's gone," sudden bursting into tears, people praising Loke, talking about fights they had seen him win, times they dueled against him when he posed as a human, and for the girls, the times he had flirted with them, all told with bittersweetness. Even Erza admitted she would miss his attempts at flirting with her … although she nearly killed him for doing it.
People wanted to hear Gray talk about Loke being his partner, but for the Ice-Make wizard, talking about the past was pointless. It hammered in the sadness, which he did not want at this moment, not when he was more worried for Lucy. He drank to numb the sorrow—he could mourn another day—and kept an eye on the black-clothed woman with her golden hair shining against such morbid clothes. Lucy sat alone. It seemed that no one was really sure how to talk with her, and she avoided eye contact with everyone.
Like a widow at a funeral, a few whispered, but Gray did not see that in her. He saw someone focused within, troubled by other thoughts than this funeral without a body.
Lucy looked even more pale in the black clothes and veiled hat. It was wrong of him to think this way, especially on a day like this, but Gray could barely help but think that black looked sexy on Lucy. He pushed that thought aside for the moment. She had finally stood up, and she was coming his way.
Lucy whispered to Gray to come with her. He rose and followed without questions, sincerely hoping she would tell him what plagued her mind so badly, she had not cried one tear during such a touching sermon. They walked through the crowd of mourners to a storage room where they could shut a door and block out the noise. Once alone, Lucy let out a soft sigh. Her face flinched for a moment, as if she was hiding pain. Again, Gray felt tugging concern for her.
Lucy reached her hand out, clutching something hidden within her fingers. Uncertain, Gray presented his palm. A cold and heavy item dropped into his hands. Gray looked down at the golden key, and then stared up in confusion. For a moment, the post-funeral gathering in the guild hall faded away. Only this storage room existed, and his only vision was of Lucy and the gold trinket sitting in his hand.
"Loke's key?" he asked in confusion.
"The Key to the Gate of the Lion. My key now," she said softly.
"Yours? I don't get it. How…?"
Lucy held her fist up, and it glowed golden. "Do you need me to punch something to show you? I'm not really strong yet, but I can do this much."
Gray recognized that glow. "That's Loke's magic." Then he noticed the rings adorning her fingers. "And his rings." He had been partners with Loke, close friends even back when the Celestial Spirit posed as a Human. He knew that form of light magic very well. Gray gawked in surprise, and a sickening wave of horror swept over him. "You … you're…? Oh God, this is impossible."
"Rare, but not impossible," Lucy replied calmly.
"How? And why? Why the hell is it you?" he yelled in anger.
She lowered her glowing fist. "It's an ancient agreement. If a celestial wizard allows a Spirit to die, that person must become a Celestial Spirit and take over those duties." She laughed softly. "I'm almost glad it was Loke and not Taurus, or else I might have ended up looking like a cow."
He could hardly believe she was joking about this. "So you're taking Loke's place? Is this something you want, Lucy?"
She hummed as she thought about it. "Want? I'm not sure if that's playing into it anymore. It's more like this is something I know I have to do. An instinct, you could say. Do I want to leave? Of course not; I'd rather stay here with you and Natsu and Erza. Am I opposed to the idea? Not really. I think this is a good way to atone for Loke's death. It's also a great opportunity. I mean," she laughed, "I'm immortal now, Gray. Isn't that just awesome! What sane person wouldn't want to become an immortal Spirit?"
"What about Fairy Tail?" he shouted. "What about the team? What about … about you?"
Lucy kept a passive face. "Technically, I'm still a member of Fairy Tail." She showed him the pink guild mark on her hand as evidence. "I've spent the past two days arranging everything, saying my goodbyes to everyone … in my own way," she amended. She had not told anyone goodbye, but she cleared up a few issues she had with her friends, as well as visited her parents' graves to tell them about her new fate. "My landlady knows, and the lease expires at the end of next week. That'll give everyone time to pick up things. I left letters in my apartment for everyone, and a letter for all of Fairy Tail explaining what happened."
"Lucy!"
"Gray," she interrupted abruptly. Then she removed from her belt the pouch with its keyring and handed the whole thing to Gray. "These are yours."
"I can't use them," he argued.
"I know, but you can protect them. I don't want to end up with a bad owner. You don't have to call out any of us. Just protect us, okay?"
Hesitantly, Gray took the pouch. Somehow, those keys weighed immensely heavy in his hand. "Is this what you meant before: putting your life into my hands for the rest of my life?"
"Yes," she nodded. "I'm contracted to you."
Gray's eyes widened in surprise. "What? How? I didn't sign any contract."
"When you promised to protect me, I felt it then. That promise was our contract. You'll protect me, and I'll fight for you … as your Lion Spirit."
"Wait." He rubbed the tension out of his eyes, deftly wiping a tear while he was at it. "I don't get this at all. A contract? Me?"
She shrugged sheepishly. "You're my owner, Gray."
"But I can't call you out," he bellowed.
"Like I said, you don't have to summon any of us. Just protect us."
"Screw that!" he shouted furiously. "How am I supposed to see you again? If you're really Leo the Lion now, and I'm your owner … Lucy," he sighed in frustration. "I can't be your owner. I'm sorry, but it'd never work. I can't use your key. You'd be stuck. I could give your key to someone else, someone who can use it…"
"Gray, I can't trust anyone else," she insisted. "I very well could end up in the hands of someone abusive, or even used to fight against Fairy Tail. I don't want to do that, but I'd have no choice. I don't trust anyone as much as I trust you."
"Goddammit, Lucy, I'm not a celestial wizard!"
She lowered her head and smiled sadly. "I'm being a mean friend, forcing this burden onto you. Sorry."
Gray clenched his teeth, but he suddenly grabbed Lucy into a crushing embrace. He held her as if she might disappear from him that very moment. "Thank you," he whispered into her ear. "You could have picked anyone to protect these keys, so … thank you for picking me."
Lucy looked relieved as she held him back. "I just wish I could stay with you all the time, Gray. Hearing you confess … it made me so happy," she laughed tensely, "and so sad that I can't return those feelings, no matter how much I want to. Maybe someday I can be strong enough to pass freely through my gate, but until then…" She sniffled moistly. "I'm afraid to say the words only to leave you forever. It … it wouldn't be fair … to you … or to me."
She made a shaky and snorting inhale that shivered her chest. Lucy tried so hard to hold back, to stay strong, but all those emotions she had been holding back all week suddenly came crashing down. She grasped Gray's shoulders tightly, clutching to him as if he was an anchor to keep her in this world.
"I don't want to leave," she sobbed.
Gray held her as she cried on his shoulder. He felt the moist drops flowing from her eyes, the shaky chest convulsing with emotions, and her hands gripping him … far tighter than any grip she had ever given. Her hands at least were definitely stronger than before. They stood there for many minutes. Anyone who walked by that storage room and peeped in at the sound of sobbing merely figured Lucy was finally mourning, and they left her alone. Gray held her, wishing upon every star in the sky that he could hold her like this for all eternity.
After a while, Lucy pulled back and wiped her eyes. She felt physically drained and emotionally pummeled, yet the cry had been cathartic and lifted the heaviness from her heart.
"Sorry," she whispered belatedly. Gray's gentle touch to her wet cheeks showed Lucy that he forgave her. "I need to go. Staying in this world for this long is really starting to hurt." That much was true, and her long cry only increased the strain on her body. She straightened up and wiped her face dry. Then she smiled tensely at Gray. "Find a good home for the other keys, or if not, don't lose them."
Now it was Gray who looked ready to cry, but she saw he was trying to be brave. Still, his eyes glittered with unshed tears, and his teeth gritted until a vein in his neck pulsed. "How can I see you again?" he asked in a strained voice.
Lucy sighed as she thought about her own dilemma. "I can't leave the Spirit World unless someone summonses me. Maybe after some time, if I can get stronger, and in the hands of a really strong owner, then maybe I can come out on my own, but…"
"Loke said," Gray cut in, "that love makes a Celestial Spirit stronger."
Lucy froze and stared at him blankly for a moment. She saw such firm determination in his face that she was left silent. Slowly, those feelings he was trying to convey sank in, and Lucy bit her lip in sadness. Gray's face was undeterred.
"I'll get you out," he swore sternly. "I'll bring you back."
Protest leaped into her throat. "This is a duty I have to do now in Loke's place and…"
"That's fine," he interrupted again. "If you have to be Leo the Lion, fine. But you're still Lucy Heartfilia, and I'm going to figure out how to bring you back, even if it's just for brief visits." His brow tightened even more. Fiercely, he sneered, "I'm not giving up on you!"
Lucy's emotions went out of control. Happiness, sadness, hope, despair: they all clashed at once and left her with only one action. She threw her arms around Gray and kissed him. Strong arms grabbed her in return, holding her possessively. Gray's mouth moistly kissed her, taking possession of her lips and tongue, while their teeth clanked together at the fierceness. Lucy pressed her body as tightly against him as she could without ripping his clothes off.
Gray was breathless and barely able to pull his lips away as he asked, "Can you stay for another hour?"
Lucy pulled back just a little and looked confused. Both of them were panting hard with passion, and she already felt dizzy, either from the effects of the Human World or the hormonal surge, she did not know.
"Come back to my house," Gray whispered, enticingly rubbing his hands up and down her body. "Just for a while."
The hungry passion in his eyes spoke what he could not in good conscience ask of her. Lucy gulped dryly. She knew what he wanted to do, one last moment together, something impulsive and desperate, one last night together that neither of them would ever forget. She was nervous, ashamed, yet incredibly aroused and desperate to have a final experience of excitement and pleasure in this world. Swallowing down her uncertainties, she nodded in agreement.

Twenty minutes later, they stumbled into Gray's apartment, kissing and clutching one another. Gray barely had time to kick the door shut behind them before Lucy slammed him against the wall, fiercely driving her body against him. She had never felt this wild and uninhibited before, and part of her wondered if it was due to her new station as the Lion.
Did having that job also give her a wild, animalistic side?
She had no time to consider it as Gray tore at the black clothes she wore. His own clothes had vanished somewhere along the way, probably in the hallway leading to his apartment room. Now those fast fingers had her blouse off and flying like an ebony comet. He grabbed her narrow waist first and slid his hands up along her ribcage to her breasts. A quick reach behind her, a little fiddling around as he worked all the hooks of her bra, and then that also flew away.
"Gray," she moaned as the cold air of his apartment tingled her skin.
Not breaking off his kisses, he insistently pushed her in the direction of the bedroom. Lucy followed, walking backwards, letting him guide her as he continued to undress her. When the back of her legs hit the mattress edge, she sat and quickly pivoted herself to be on his pillow. Gray ripped off the last of his clothes—she really did hear fabric tearing—and climbed on top of her.
"Gray!" She had seen him stark naked many times before, including the first day they met. However, looking at him from afar and feeling his skin against her naked body were completely different. Lucy felt woozy from the rush of passion.
His hands felt every bit of flesh he could touch while he hungrily kissed her lips, cheeks, nose, ears, neck, collarbone, and slowly worked down to her breasts. He latched on to one, thrilled to hear her gasp and seeing her back arched up high. He sucked hard, lapped his tongue around the tensing tit, while his hand pinched and tweaked the other. Lucy moaned at the touches.
Then Gray switched, sucking the other nipple while playing with the moist one. He would have loved to spend hours on her massive breasts alone, but he remembered Lucy said that staying in the Human World was painful. So was the tenseness of his erection. He decided that both of them needed to be relieved from the pain right away, yet he still wanted one thing before she left him.
Gray slid down between her legs, spread apart the fuzzy lips, and gazed at the sleek pinkness of her opening.
"Gray, what are you doing?" she asked in surprise.
"Admiring perfection," he answered before thrusting his tongue into her. Lucy's scream was anything but timid.
"Oh Gray, that feels … oh God … so good!" she shivered.
He could hardly believe how strong she tasted, and with hardly any prompting he saw the fluid dripping from her. He lapped at it, tasting concentrated femininity, and any wish to slow down, to savor what was likely their one and only time together, cracked under the overwhelming desire.
"What do you want, Lucy?" he asked, licking circles around her clit.
She squirmed at every hot touch of his tongue. "I want you in me before this starts to hurt worse."
Knowing she was already in pain troubled Gray. His face rose, and he looked at her with concern. "Do you need to leave now? If it hurts too badly…"
"Shut up and fuck me, Gray!" she roared.
The ice wizard's eyes popped open as a beastly growl purred just under such a carnal demand. Totally not like Lucy, more like … an animal! That was the first time it truly dawned on Gray.
"I've snagged a horny Lioness," he chuckled playfully. "Try to refrain from biting me."
"I will if you don't utterly please me," she smirked with a lusty gleam that made her brown eyes nearly glow in the soft lighting.
Gray shivered, enthralled by her salacious face. "Damn!" he hissed, clenching his stomach muscles before he came right then.
If there was anything restraining him, it vanished under those lion-like eyes. With a delicious threat like that, Gray climbed up and positioned himself. Lucy was flushed, panting heavily, her thighs spread with utter eagerness. Gray chuckled softly. It was not how he had always imagined sex with Lucy would be like, but damn was it hot!
"All right," he warned before pressing into her.
He was unsure what to expect. She had never made love before, he knew that much, although one of their hard fights early on had caused Lucy to tear her hymen. She had bled and refused to see anyone but Mira, Erza, and Levy. Gray heard from Mira what the problem was and pitied Lucy. It wasn't like doing something like that made her not a virgin, but he could only imagine how embarrassing and potentially shameful such a common injury might be to a girl. So he knew that, at the least, the resistance would be lessened.
He had not expected the tightness, though. He truly had to strain to push in. She squeezed around his shaft, and her cries were the same as if he had broken into her. Perhaps she had not completely torn herself during that injury. There was even a tiny bit of blood, but nowhere near as much as he had feared. As he looked, that droplet of blood vanished into golden sparkles.
"Holy shit," Gray gasped, looking at the spiritual particles. "You really are a Celestial Spirit."
Lucy panted, overwhelmed by the feel of Gray being inside of her. "I'm still a woman," she assured him. "I'm also an insanely horny woman, so stop looking and start thrusting."
Gray laughed as he slid in and pulled out slowly. "I sort of like this type of Lucy."
Lucy squirmed under him. Her lungs were already burning from the poisonous air of the Human World, the leeching of her magic was making her ache, yet under the pure pleasure of Gray's body, that pain vanished. She thought she now understood why Loke had taken so many women while in the Human World. She could sense Gray's spirit surrounding her like a bubble. Those emotions were like a shield against the effects of the Human World. Within that spiritual sphere of love, she truly did feel stronger.
"Gray," she moaned loudly.
He did not speak much. He watched her, observing every gasp, every time she arched her back to thrust up into him, listening to her gasps, pants, and mewling cries. He wondered how on earth he could be expected to let her go, and as he made love to her, his determination strengthened.
He would protect her for the rest of his life, and he would learn how to bring her back into his arms … even if it took a lifetime. Every thrust was an oath to himself, every strained grunt a verbal promise.
He loved her, and he was not going to abandon her.
"Gray!" she shrieked. "Oh God! M-More … ahhh!"
Lucy was practically thrashing under him. Her nails dug into his shoulders, clawing at him like an animal fighting for freedom, struggling to be released. He felt her resisting that climax, and he sped up. He wanted to tame this Lioness. He wanted to collar her so everyone would know who she belonged to, who her master truly was.
Her voice shrieked incomprehensible noises, not even human anymore, just feminine and wild. He felt her tightening, clenching, spasming around him. Her nails dug into his skin, and the painful sensation made him lose control. Despite his yearning to keep at this all day and into the night, despite knowing and dreading that when it was over she would leave him, he could not hold back any longer, not with Lucy looking so erotic in the midst of her orgasm.
"Lucy … I'm coming!"
"It's okay," she groaned. "I'm a Spirit now, so it's okay to do it inside. Come in me, Gray. I wanna feel you fill me."
Hearing her raspy voice order that threw Gray over his limit. His face tensed up, and his whole body stiffened. He gave one extra deep thrust as he felt himself explode. Lucy's constricting muscles sucked at him as waves of pleasure pulsed outward from his groin. Gray shivered as he felt as if Lucy might suck his whole spirit out of his body … and he would have gladly let her take it.
He nearly collapsed. It truly felt like she had just suctioned all the energy out of him. He gazed down at her, flushed, sweaty, panting, weary from passion. Slowly, her eyes opened, and Lucy weakly smiled at him.
"I love you," he declared in a tired, panting exhale. Gray could not think of anything else he could say after mind-blowing sex like that.
"Stay with me," she whispered between labored breaths. "For as long as I can stay here, please don't leave me alone."
Gray brushed back some damp blond strands and nodded in agreement. "I won't ever leave you, Lucy." He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss, so gentle and sweet after such wild passion. Then he smiled and rubbed her nose with his. "I love you," he again whispered tenderly, feeling intense happiness marred darkly by the knowledge that she was leaving soon. The two emotions made him want to laugh and cry at the same time. Instead, he simply told her, "I'll always love you … always."

Slowly, the evening shadows overran the bedroom, cloaking it in black and purple with a bit of orange glow from a streetlight. The sun had set, leaving Gray and Lucy cuddled together, his arm around her waist, her back firmly up against his chest. She stared into the growing darkness as thoughts flitted past her mind, mostly ones of regret. She had steeled her heart to accept her fate, thinking of it as a punishment for letting Loke die. She knew it meant leaving behind her friends, but that too would be mere punishment she deserved.
Why was she sounding like Virgo, wanting to be punished?
Still, she had the support of her Celestial Spirit friends. They loved her and accepted her, just as Fairy Tail had loved her and opened their arms to her as nakama … no, as family! She hated to leave them, but she had convinced herself it was going to be okay. She could learn to open her own gate like Loke did and visit Fairy Tail any time she wanted.
At least, that was what she told herself.
Now, the pessimism returned. What if she couldn't open her own gate? What if it had taken Loke centuries to get that strong? Plus, time flowed so differently in the Spirit World.
She could imagine it now as she stared into the shadows of Gray's bedroom. Even if it took her a month of hard training to get strong enough to open her own gate, if one day in the Spirit World was three months in Earthland, that meant in thirty days … thirty times three is ninety … and with twelve months in a year…
Over seven years! One month in the Spirit World was seven years in the Human World.
She would lose another seven years of her life.
How different would Gray be in seven years? Would Makarov still be alive? Just think how mature Wendy, Romeo, and Asuka would be in seven years! So much could happen in that amount of time.
And that was being optimistic. If it took her longer to get that strong, if it took her a year…
She shivered as she realized that in one Spirit World year, everyone she knew in Earthland would be dead.
She felt Gray's breathing as slow, even streams of cold air on the back of her neck. He was sleeping so peacefully, yet she knew there was no way she could fall asleep with all these doubts and fears nagging her. Each minute that passed increased the pain in her body. She suffered through it, refusing to give in, accepting it as punishment for daring to fall in love right when she knew she had to leave.
She flinched as a wave of agony swept over her, and she saw a quiver of energy as her solid body fought the effects. She knew it was time, yet she had no desire for another sad goodbye. Her first attempt to depart from Gray obviously failed, and if she tried again it would only be more bitter.
She rolled over in bed to look at Gray's face. Her finger traced the scar above his eyebrow, remembering how she had treated that wound and warned him it would leave a mark. As the blanket slid down a bit, she also saw the large scar on his side from his fight with Ultear on Tenrou Island. He had others, some faint, some fresh. She could name how he got many of them. They were badges of battle, physical reminders of their time together.
She smiled down at his sleeping face. "Time for me to go," she whispered soft enough to not wake him. "I hope you won't be angry at me for running off." She leaned over and kissed the forehead scar. "I'll always love you, Gray."
She wanted to say more. She wanted to apologize, to beg forgiveness, to assure him that although she would always cherish his love, it was okay if he moved on. After all, she had no clue when she might see Gray again. She stared at his sleeping face, imprinting it into her memory. Then she lightly brushed her fingers over his skin, hoping she could always remember the coolness of his touch and the burning passion of his kisses.
"I really … really don't want to go," she sniffled, trying to hold her sobs in so they would not wake him. "But I can't stay. It hurts! This whole world has rejected me now. I'm…" She swallowed hard as a tear ran down her cheek. "I'm so sorry," she breathed. She kissed his cheek one last time and smiled down at him. "Goodbye, Gray," she whispered. Then, in a shimmer of golden light, Lucy vanished.
Gray opened his eyes a second later and smiled sadly. He knew that saying goodbye would be too hard now that they had made love. He had decided to fake falling asleep to give her time to escape. Hearing the tears in her voice made pretending to sleep immensely difficult, but for her sake he had held still.
He just hoped she did not feel too guilty about leaving like that. It was simply easier to slip away. He knew that, so although he wanted to grab her, hold her, and kiss her everywhere, he simply let her go. Besides, he was determined now.
"I'll see you soon, Lucy. I swear!"

End of Chapter 3
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I Leave You, My Pride