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Raising Hell	By : High_on_the_Rainbow Category: Death Note > Yaoi-Male/Male > L/Light Views: 2514 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not profit from this nor do I own the Death Note franchise.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Hey, Rainbows are back in style! I have the third chapter here because after this I am slowing down and heading back to school soon, but wanted to have at least three chapters up... I have some humor (or at least my sorry attempt at it) and some mild angst. This story is perfect for all my fellow angst whores out there! It will be there soon enough.
Disclaimer: Really? No. Just... no. I've said it twice, and for the last time, I don't own Deathnote! God damn it, how many times I gotta say it man?!
Raising Hell - Chapter three
I watched warily as Lawliet slowly lifted his hand, a conflicted look in his eyes, eyes that are so similar to my own obsidian ones. I can see him warring with himself, debating the next course of action. I wait; there are other things I could do—I could get up, leave, say something—but I do none of these things. He's my aniki, my older brother, my L-niisan; I want to trust that he knows what he's doing... but this fear, this trepidation, is a feeling I dislike.
Finally, he waits no more, and he places his hand atop my head. I recognize this as a show of familial affection common among siblings. I try to adjust to the added pressure his palm is applying to my scalp and I relax as he ruffles my white tresses, fingers running soothingly through the locks. I can't help when I close my eyes for just a few seconds, silently urging him to continue for a few moments more. After a while, I stand, remaining silent, and head for the door to make my leave, feeling significantly better. I feel nii-san's gaze on my back, and I silently thank him.
I walk for roughly twenty minutes to get to my nearby apartment complex; Mello took the local bus, as his residence is on the other side of the district. After approximately ten minutes at home, I decide I am too restless to merely lay about, so I gather up my keys, along with my cell phone, and leave, going back outside. I head out to my car and decide to go for a leisure drive. After remembering earlier and letting the soothing feeling linger in my chest just a little while longer to calm myself, I decide that I've indulged in emotions enough and direct my thoughts to the conversation just passed. I did notice that L-niisan made an obvious effort against calling either of us by our true names or disclosing anything that may hint at our pasts. He clearly trusted me to pick up on it and follow his lead. 'Nii-san's overly formal use of 'otouto' at the beginning of the interaction was strange, but if Lawliet is playing this game he has a reason. He was more vague than usual, meaning he didn't want to divulge anything about him, past or present, to his newest subject... I'll have to question him on his suspicions and reasons later...' Regardless, I'm fairly confident I have nothing to worry about; L-niisan knows what he's doing—he always does.
Now that things with nii-san have been resolved, I have one more pressing matter in desperate need of a solution: what to do with Mello? Mello appears to have 'special ability' of sorts; his inner voice seems to possess some type of oracle-like ability. It also seems to warn him against divulging information in my presence; apparently I am seen as a threat, though the nature of which is still unknown to me. This... voice couldn't possibly know my plans, could it?
I know that the chances of the voice truly being a hindrance to my goals and ambitions are slim to none, but I won't risk any margin of error; I need to find a way to keep Mello under watch. Now it is just a simple question of how... 'What is the most effective and timely way to keep Mello near me and gain his trust...? Mello seems to hate me, but his behavior has been quite strange as of late...Perhaps I can use this consistency lapse in his behavioral patterns to my advantage...?' It was then that I remembered why I decided to allow L-niisan to conduct his ludicrous experiments in the first place; to help me in situations like this one, ones where I have to admit—however grudgingly—that I don't understand the way people work well enough to take an efficient course of action. I suppose they really aren't completely useless if he can help me with this.
'Going back to the institution after leaving a mere half hour earlier is a waste; it would be more sensible to call nii-san instead; they should still be able to receive phone calls.' I have to make sure not to leak any information on why L is there though; he is obviously being watched. The authorities were more than likely trying hopelessly to build a case against him. I have no doubt in nii-san's judgment. He knows full well what he's doing; I just hope he doesn't hinder me further.
I reach into my pocket and take out my cell phone—an iPhone 4 with a white cover; I loathe this contraption as people always ask for my number and try to reach me on it, especially females—as a result, I have always kept it off with the sole exception of situations like this one. As I wait and listen to the dial tone, I think over how I should go about explaining the situation along with Mello's odd behavior. Where should I begin? I suppose I'll start with school; that seems like the best place to start.
"...Moshi moshi?" After some shuffling and rather rude remarks, someone alerts my brother to my call and I finally hear nii-san's tired voice come through on the other end of the line. I almost sigh in relief—almost.
"Nii-san," I begin, unsure of what to say or how to start this conversation. 'Lawliet knows I'm usually all about business when I call, so I should just dive into it, right?' I decide to take a more conventional approach. "...Please explain the motives behind your earlier actions." Not the way I had planned things, but I have to start somewhere. It would seem I'm not suited for the 'normal sibling' approach after all; it would seem I can't even ask a simple 'how are you?'
"...I thought it to be beneficial, otouto," L says after taking a moment to think it over. He probably doesn't want me to misunderstand; nii-san's opinion of me must be quite low. ...This saddens me. "Near seemed more stressed than I predicted... 21% more, actually. I assume something happened in group, and I believed my actions would help to soothe him. Was I incorrect in my assumption, otouto...?"
I think over his words for a moment before responding. "You clearly don't want me to misunderstand, though given your IQ and my own, misunderstandings are extremely unlikely, nii-san. Even if they should arise, you know that I am always willing to listen to your explanations, nii-san; I am not so unreasonable. Your opinion of me... is it really so low? I will not deny that you were correct in your deductions, aniki," I say, making sure to keep our conversation vague on the monitored line. "However, have more confidence in me. ...Also, there is an issue with which I..." I pause; admitting this is much more difficult that I imagined it would be. "...I require your expertise."
"..." I wait for nearly thirty seconds before nii-san gives a reply. I'm not too happy with it. "...Excuse me...?"
Growing frustrated, I speak somewhat harshly into the phone, "I require your expertise, aniki. Are you going to sit there with your mouth open, silent and shocked, as I know you are, or are you going to help me?! I am rapidly losing my patience."
"...Yes, of course, otouto," L replies, clearly shaken by my unusual change in demeanor. "Explain the situation from beginning to end. When otouto is finished, I will present him with the solution with the highest chance of success."
"Earlier today, in school and not too long after my phone call with you, I encountered some girls in the hall; they were a preferable alternative to going back to class, but as I spoke with them, a boy—Keehl Miheal, otherwise known around the school as 'Mello', a widely disliked loner with an anger problem and my self-proclaimed 'rival'—ran into me, knocking me to the ground. I saw him look at me after participating in a rather crude shouting match with a rather detestable fan of mine and his face reddened slightly, though I assume it to be from anger. He was about to say something when the aforementioned fan drove him away, and his face was... distraught, to put it mildly.
"Later that afternoon, on our way to group therapy, Mello was mumbling to himself. He has a voice that I believe is withholding information that it feels is of value to me. When asked by Tokomo-san in group to elaborate on his voice, which he has named 'okaa-san', Mello stopped speaking mid-sentence, as if cut off by someone. Prior to that, he was saying that this voice played a part in his safety long before his parents attacked him. This leads me to believe that this voice has an oracle-like ability and the fact that it stopped Mello implies that it has a will or mind of its own. I feel I need a way to keep Mello under personal surveillance to obtain whatever information his 'okaa-san' is trying so hard to keep from me.
"Before you go and say anything, nii-san, I know that this type of action is out of character for me. I normally would never think of doing something like this unless I perceived it to be genuinely beneficial, but you know this. That being said, what is your advice?"
After finishing, I go silent, waiting a long while for nii-san to process all that I've told him, calculating percentages and sifting through possibilities. A good few minutes pass, and I find my already worn patience thinning further; I know he doesn't normally take this long—he must be stalling.
"A-ni-ki," I state slowly, punctuating each syllable to show my clear impatience with his now obvious reluctance. My grip on my cell phone tightens, further paling my already white knuckles. "I know you are procrastinating; tell me the solution."
"...Near isn't likely to find the result... acceptable. ...Does otouto still wish to hear this?" L-niisan asks, letting some of his hesitance and reluctance slip into his voice. I make a sound of conformation. "...Remember this is what Near-kun asked for; I hope he doesn't regret his decision."
"..." I say nothing as there is nothing to say; still, Lawliet's serious tone is starting to concern me. His frequent use of 'Near-kun' is disconcerting; every time he says it reminds me of the weight of whatever he's going to say next.
"...Has Near-kun considered seduction?" L asked. At hearing this, I am quite sure I did what is known as a 'mental double-take'. Now, it is my turn to give the same response I found so unsatisfactory mere minutes before.
"...Excuse me...?" I ask weakly. I can't help but hate how adolescent my voice sounds right now. I know what he's implying; I just can't believe I'm hearing it. Maybe I really am crazy and do belong in my group... with Mello... No, no... That's still too much.
"...Seduction," L repeated. I can hear him sigh into the phone; clearly this is extremely uncomfortable situation and likely to be traumatizing for both of us, yet I still find no solace in this fact. "It sounds like a logical solution to Near-kun's problem. This situation... I have been privy to witnessing it before in previous subjects. ...Mello seems to act like he hates otouto, when in reality he is more than likely jealous of or infatuated with him. Near-kun says Mello seems satisfied when otouto pays him mind; perhaps all Mello's acting is an attempt at getting close to otouto in more ways than one, though it is still unconscious and he doesn't know it yet. If this 'voice' perceives otouto to be a threat and Mello is unaware of his... affections, perhaps that is the type of which it speaks: an emotional threat. Split personalities are often created from circumstances that leave massive emotional scars and used as a type of defense mechanism. He seems like someone who would try to resist subtle approaches, so Near-kun would be better off with a direct approach. Lust is... raw and emotionless, but is often something that easily clouds a person's judgment and gives the false pretense of 'love.' ...Love... is generally associated with trust, so with seduction Near-kun can play all sides if he acts his part correctly. Though... the chance of this working is a bit of a toss-up; I do not know much about Mello nor have I personally observed him, but I would guess at a 63.5% chance of success. Otouto would be wise to consider the angles first."
I can't help but shudder at the very suggestion; I would ask if nii-san was jesting, but that would be pointless—nii-san doesn't jest; this conversation has been all business from the very beginning. I don't touch people—male or female—with the sole exception of nii-san, and I certainly don't touch him sexually. I can't stand the thought of touching anyone in such a manner, let alone Mello; I always considered myself asexual... Revulsion aside, I pondered this for a moment; could seduction really work? According to Lawliet's explanation, yes, it could. I have no experience in the art of seduction—I've never needed to—but I do need to keep tabs on Mello, and my lack of expertise could easily be remedied with a little research. 'I know that must have been difficult for nii-san... Is that what the famed "talk" is like? No wonder people want to avoid it... I should thank nii-san; being a brother-parent figure must be stressful...'
"Well, u-um...," I loathe when I stutter; not much makes me get to this point, but when I do, I can't help the anger accompanying this fault. "I appreciate your input... L-niisan... I... I have research to conduct." I hang up the phone in a mechanical motion, no longer registering anything and as cliché as it sounds, the world is falling around me; I don't even remember to inquire about nii-san's strange behavior during my visit. I get in my white Honda and drive back to the apartment. I barely remember seeing the road as I lose myself to my self-piteous thoughts. 'I have to research... homosexual pornography... I can't believe I am going home to research the mechanics of homosexual seduction and intercourse... I'll have to touch someone... I think... after I get over my shock... I'm going to be sick...'

'Urgh, I think I'm gonna be sick... Public transportation always sucks... I wish we had our own car... okaa-saaaaan...' I mentally groaned. So I'm a little bitchy, what of it? Anyone who rides public transportation would know. Fucking Near, being able to drive with his fucking license...
"I know you do, Mello dear, but you are only fifteen; you will have your license soon enough," okaa-san replies. I hate when we have to keep our conversations to ourselves, especially out in public; just because these fuckers don't think it is normal doesn't mean I should have to bend to their fuckin' rules. I don't demand they keep their conversations telepathic... assholes...
'Whatever, okaa-san... Hey... okaa-san...? I have a question...' I take a pause. Something in my mind tells me okaa-san was expecting this day to come, and she doesn't like it one bit. I decide to press the issue anyway; she's okaa-san—my True Mother—there's no way she'd ever be mad at me, right? God, I hate how I sound like such a whiny little bitch, but okaa-san is the only one I can show this side to, damn it! What the hell does anyone else know anyway?! They have others... I only have okaa-san. Only her... 'What was up with earlier...? You know, with Ne—I mean, that albino freak? Is he really so damn special...?! Why does he always hold importance over me?! Even you're talking about him like he's more important than me! You've never even yelled at me before... And after he does something, you're suddenly fucking talking about him constantly! Don't you love me?! I thought you were on my side...'
I try to wind down a bit, but my rage at Near is back at full force; why the hell does he get to be such hot shit, huh?! I try way harder than that lazy douche bag, but I alwayscome out empty-handed—ALWAYS! I hate him for that; he has fuckin' everyone on his side; the slutty girls at school, the ass-kissing teachers, the bitchy prostitute we call a counselor, Tokomo... and he has a family to support him, but he doesn't give a shit! Nothing is ever good enough for him! His older brother loves him, everyone fuckin' loves Ryuuzaki Nathan! Everything is just handed to him!
"Mello dear, you have to understand; I'm just trying to protect you. You don't know how dangerous he is," the voice tried to explain; I am nowhere near satisfied. That answer is not going to fuckin' cut it this time; I am owed a goddamned explanation!
'Well I would know if you would fuckin' tell me what the hell he was up to! You keep going on and on about how fuckin' dangerous he is but in the end you don't tell me shit! Why, okaa-san?! Why won't you... I'm getting so fucking frustrated... Why are you keeping secrets, okaa-san...?' I feel my thoughts trailing off, but I can't help it, damn it! I don't know why okaa-san is being so secretive... she never kept things from me before... It fucking hurts... She drove me to say those things! Damn it all! Her words fucking hurt me! Is she trying to offend me?! Does she even care?! Or is she just like them?
"If... if I knew I would tell you, Mello dear. ...You know that. I sense evil about him... I can't pinpoint it, so I'm telling you to be careful, okay...?" Surprisingly, okaa-san's voice is soft and soothing. She isn't angry... Okaa-san is the only one who understands...
'...Okay, okaa-san... I'll trust you... Also, I'm sorry for—'
"Don't worry, Mello dear. I know you didn't mean it." I can almost hear the forgiving smile in okaa-san's voice... She really is my True Mother...
'Thank you, okaa-san. ...I ...I love you.' I gotta remember I'm on the god damn bus; I have a fuckin' image to keep...
"I love you too, Mello dear. You aren't alone anymore." I am a not fuckin' weakling. I will not cry. Never again will I let those tears betray me.

…
"I'm home," I call out, hearing my voice resonate against the walls of the empty apartment. It's been eight months since I killed them, but I still greet the vacant space as if one day I'll hear someone respond. "Fuckin' figures. Hey, okaa-san, should I get a damn cat or something? Maybe then people will stop knockin' on my goddamn door asking who the hell I'm talkin' to." I don't bother keeping my conversation in my head when I'm at home; who the hell is here to do a damn thing about it, anyway?
"You may if you wish, Mello. I support you in all your decisions," okaa-san replies.
"Whatever. I just... want to be kinda normal, you know? My reputation at school has been set to 'murdering pyro-freak' ever since I accidentally killed this kid's dog and I have a fucked up face from this burn," I pause to point at the scar. "Thankfully, no one in school knows I killed my parents; they said it was a gang issue on the news thanks to connections with my cousin, Misa, and my trial was kept under the radar thanks to my aunt and uncle since I'm a minor and something like that would look bad for the Amane Corporation... But, I want someone to see past all that shit. I want... to be fifteen, mom. I want to, but I can't. I can never have what I fuckin' want," I snarl with contempt. "It always, always eludes me. Friends, a social life, a loving family... romance... everything I want to have or try to get... It always goes wrong in the end..."
Okaa-san is silent. Taking this as the end of our talk, I go about the apartment doing all the chores and menial tasks, starting with the laundry. I take off my leather pants and boots first, putting them in the wash along with my shirt. I don't take off my dog collar; I feel naked without it.
It is... lonely in this place. Not a fuckin' soul to interact with; sometimes I can get Matt to get off his lazy hikikomori ass and come over to hang out with me, but it's lonely... and I hate it. My fuckin' childhood was just the same; no one gave a shit about me, not even my own god damn parents! I had only one friend, even then... his name was Beyond Birthday. Beyond was the first person I ever met who could understand me and he didn't think I was some kind of freak! He liked me for me. I first met him seven years ago...
"Keehl Mello Miheal, come back here! What did you do to the neighbor's cat?!" Mother is yelling at me and trying to catch me—ha! Dumb bitch! She can never catch me! I'm way faster than that fatty; she can't even catch an eight-year-old. Wait, what is—
"Ow," I look up to see something big and tall... or rather, somebody. I look and see someone, a boy of about eleven, barefooted, followed by loose denim jeans and a black three-quarter sleeve shirt. His ebony hair sits in a spiky disheveled mess atop his head, but his most striking features are his bright red eyes. I'm instantly smitten with them; even at this age I knew I was gay.
He grins, a crazed look in those blood-red orbs. I should be frightened, yet I only find myself more fascinated, further drawn in by his odd charm. "Hey, runt, you need somewhere to hide?"
"Miheal? Miheal! Come out and face the consequences of your actions! How dare you burn the neighbor's cat!" my mother screeched. No way in hell was I going back to that. I grab the boy's hand and nod, running with him to what he called his 'secret place'. Aside from the massive supply of strawberry jam and severe lack of chocolate, it was heaven.
He turns to face me. "So, Miheal, was it...? What was up with earlier? Your mom looked about ready to blow a blood vessel... not that it wouldn't have been awesome," the boy starts. I look at this guy and decide he's fuckin' amazing. He likes blood and burning things?! Not to mention he's fuckin' gorgeous?! If he was a sadist he would be perfect for me! I wonder how he feels about sadomasochism and bondage... (I had myself pretty figured out as a kid.)
Tossing my thoughts of violent, dysfunctional romance aside, I register what he called me. "Don't ever call me that! Call me Mello," I tell him. "I hate my name. It's the same as my bastard father."
"Oh really? Very well then, Mello-chan, you can call me Beyond Birthday. I'll even let you call me B.B. or Beyond for short... But I think I'd like to hear you call me Master B."
I touch my collar, lost in nostalgia. I miss Beyond and I still have feelings yet to be confessed, but he was put away in jail for life ten months ago, and won't be eligible for parole for another twenty-five years yet; if I'm honest with myself, I can't fuckin' wait that long—I won't be celibate until I'm fucking forty at the earliest. I know I need to move forward, just like I moved forward without my asshole parents. Regardless, I just can't bring myself to remove the only thing I have left from him. After doing all the other chores around the house, I tuck myself into bed, say goodnight to okaa-san and slip into my subconscious. Needless to say my subconscious has a fucking sick sense of humor...

I am in school, gym's just got out and as usual I'm one of the last fuckin' people in the locker room. I had just finished getting dressed and was about to leave, but when I turned around I found fucking Near blocking my path. 'Figures this asshole would flaunt his superiority even in my dreams,' I think disdainfully.
"What the fuck do you want, asshole?" I snarled. He is the absolute last person I want to see. I wish Beyond were there instead of him; he can't even be bothered to say something to me in my dreams, the bastard!
Near silently approached me, looking at me with an intensity I'm pretty unfamiliar with; the only things Near ever looks at me with are boredom and mild annoyance. For some reason, I can't help but find myself liking the look, yet fearing its consequences. It kind of reminds me of Beyond... a calmer, more purposeful Beyond... Near grabbed my wrist and slammed me up against the wall, still boring into me with those empty eyes, unblinking and not saying a word.
"What the hell are you doing, you bastard?! Get the fuck off me!" I try to move to punch him with my free hand but Near catches it easily, pinning it along with my other under his left hand. Why couldn't I fucking move? I can easily beat the shit out of people twice my size, but with Near all my strength is vanishing! What the fuck?! This albino asshole thinks he can just do whatever he wants to me, even in my dreams?!
"You fucking bastard! What the hell do you think you're doing?! Get off me! You don't own me!" Near holds me back with ease watching me struggle futilely—so I can admit it; fuck off!—his gaze never wavering. Without warning, Near moves his right hand and jerks my chin upwards, leaning forward and capturing my lips forcefully. "Mmph-!" I open my mouth to try and protest against the sudden contact, but the fuckin' bastard took the opportunity to force his tongue in my mouth!
'What the fuck does this freak think he's doing?! I won't let him—A-ah... yes... Wait, no! This is Near kissing me! Mother fucking Near! He can't—ah, God... No, no no, n—Nnn... Ah, damn it... why the hell does it feel so fucking good?'
I can slowly feel my mind becoming a pile of useless mush; damn my sadomasochism and bondage kinks for working against me! As Near's knee parts my legs and his hand holds my face, slowly moving down my neck and stopping at my collar, I finally snap back to reality; I'm not Near's fucking property! I use my knee to hit him in the stomach—something I can take immense pleasure in, but will have to revel in later—and get the fuck out of there. I don't know where I'm going, but anywhere is better than being trapped in a room with that molester! My mind is racing; so many thoughts and feelings are running though me, the feelings being shock, fear and confusion (and though he won't admit it to himself, pleasure). My thoughts are going something like this: Oh my GOD what the FUCK holy SHIT I gotta get outta here!
I don't know how long I run, but after a while the surroundings fade; finally I'm out of this fucking nightmare...

I shot up in bed, drenched in a cold sweat, panic still coursing through my veins. That dream did not just happen and I definitely, most definitely was not turned on by it! "Okaa-san, what the hell was that?!" I demand, not bothering to speak mentally; I live alone now; it's not like anyone else is trying to sleep.
"That was a premonition, Mello... I see now how dangerous this has become... This is why I told you to watch your feelings around him, and more specifically, your temper; you let information slip more easily when you get angry, and he now knows that I help you. He will try to trick you, Mello, and obtain more information," okaa-san explains.
"Trick me?! By sexually assaulting me?!" I don't know whether or not to be silently stunned or scared shitless and start screaming. I guess if it's a premonition I'll need to avoid being caught alone in the fuckin' locker room, not that I try to be; my outfits kick ass and take work, damn it! Do people even know hard it is to rock leather like I do?! "Wait a second... If you knew all this, then why the fuck didn't you tell me?!"
"I would never keep things from you Mello, dear; I learn things as you do. As for the vision, I am not quite sure of the logic he sees in this course of action, but yes, apparently he thinks this will win you over to him."
"NO WAY! I won't lose to him! If this is his game, then so be it! Okaa-san," I begin, already fueled with righteous fury. "You'll stand by me right?!"
"...Mello, you can't really be considering this? This is a dangerous game you're playing with stakes you can't even fathom... I don't want you involved... getting hurt by him..."
"The danger and the stakes will only make my victory all the more sweet," I argue. 'Sweeter than a gourmet chocolate soufflé with chocolate ice cream, chocolate sprinkles and hot fudge.' "Then he'll be forced to kneel before me and admit I'm the victor."
"Very well, Mello," okaa-san conceded. "I won't stop you, but I want you to promise me that you'll be cautious."
"I promise... Mom." Now I have to go deal with the problem I am definitely not having.

'What is with Ryuuzaki and that kid that came to visit him? Just thinking about him puts me in a sour mood... They were both giving me that creepy stare... Guess I know where the poor kid got his massively creepy genes from. And here I thought people didn't get any creepier than Ryuuzaki. ...I guess I'll go rant to Ryuk about it; it's not like I have anything better to do—I've already done my work as "Kira". Everything's getting complicated...'
I enter my room, happy to retire to my only sanctuary in this place, and easily find Ryuk waiting for his apple, which I promptly tossed to him. I look at Ryuk and making sure I have his attention I began by saying the first thing that comes to mind. "That guy pisses me off."
Ryuk looks down at me then, and it's obvious he's not at all surprised that I would come in and say that as I often come in here and release my pent-up anger, even though it usually centers around Matsuda's stupidity or the nurses lusting after me; I noticed that the newcomer had also caught Ryuk's eye along with the twerp that came to see him during visiting hours—he even made Ryuk shudder. Regardless, Ryuk silently watches and I take the action as a sign to continue.
"What the hell was up with the way he was staring at me? It's like he was challenging me... but to what? I didn't do anything to him! He just rubs me the wrong way!" I exclaimed, beyond reasonable frustration. This was not good; I only met the guy a few hours ago and had only heard a few words from him, but I am already past my limit.
Hearing Ryuk chuckle lightly, I turn on my heel to glare and the shinigami; he was supposed to be listening! "What?!" I snapped, now absolutely livid.
"Oh, I'm sure he rubs you the wrong way... or the right way..." Ryuk said slyly.
I sputter in disbelief; how could he even suggest such a thing?! I'm not a goddamn deviant! "I sure as hell hope you're jesting Ryuk! You know as well as I do I don't work that way."
"Sure you don't, Light, sure you don't...," Ryuk said, not bothering to hide his disbelief. 'Damn shinigami... How dare he suggest that I, Kira, the God among man, would be GAY...'
Unfortunately, even if I did persist Ryuk would never believe me, so I decide to forfeit this battle and drop the subject. That is the last thing I wanted to think about—I don't have time to worry about my sexual orientation; I have my work as Kira to complete and once I did that my family would forgive me. 'That's the reason I became Kira at all... It's all for them.'
I move to sit down on the bed, hands behind my head, completely losing myself in thought. This Ryuuzaki wanted something; that much was clear. I just have to figure out what. That brat that visited him before... Ryuuzaki had called him 'otouto.' He was apparently his younger brother, but why so formal? Not to mention the incredible vagueness of their conversation; whatever it was obviously centered around me. 'They were making an effort to keep information from me but not the fact that they were talking about me...? Why would they want me to know that I'm the topic of conversation and nothing else? It doesn't add up, damn it!'
Getting up, my body wanders to the desk and picks up the only photo of my family I had left. "You what to do, don't you...? Light-niisan?" Sayu asked beside me, leaning over my shoulder in her usual curious manner, smiling lightly.
"Of course I do Sayu," I began. I want to appease them so badly; I'd do anything... even turn into this murderer. "I need to rid the world of evil. Then you'll forgive me... won't you...? I've already told you how sorry I—"
"NO!" Sayu exclaimed, suddenly turning malicious. "You have no idea what you did Light! You murdered me! What did I ever do to you, huh? All I ever asked you to do was help me with homework! I did nothing wrong! Nothing! Is wanting a decent older brother too damn much to ask?! You are a sorry pathetic excuse for a brother!" Sayu looked crazed and murderous, her hair wild, framing her furious and vengeful features.
"I'm sorry... I..." my voice trails off; I know full well that Sayu would likely be in this state for quite some time; however, the fact remained that it was still painful to hear—the constant reminders of the things I couldn't do, the lives I couldn't save. I might have a genius IQ but what good did it do me then? That bright-eyed monster still came, and my family is still dead. How was I supposed to know that killer broke out of prison or that his resolve to get revenge was so powerful? How could I have done anything? I didn't know...
"Son...," Soichiro began, looking at his son with heavy disappointment. "Don't do this to her a second time, Light. I gave you the power to correct this; don't fuck it up again!" His father voice was rapidly rising. "You hear me, you pompous brat? Do you?! I swear if you hurt her again you will be no son of mine! Your mother, me and even Sayu went to all this trouble to save your sorry ass! Is failure how you'll repay us?"
"No, tou-san," I whispered. I'm close to the verge of tears, but I stopped myself before they could see my weakness; I don't deserve to cry, not after what I've done, what I didn't do. Otou-san helped me become a righteous God with the purpose of purging the world of evil; I can't afford to disappoint them again, not after coming this far. "I won't disappoint you, okaa-san or Sayu-chan. I love you all. I won't let this happen again."
"Then you know what to do, right, Light-niisan?" Sayu asked hopefully, he demeanor doing an unnoticed 180º; Light was too desperate for their acceptance to question their stability. "You have to kill Ryuuzaki. He is a threat to us. You don't want him to hurt us... do you, Light-niisan?"
"...No," I answer quietly, barely whispering.
Grinning with a malicious glee, Sayu leans in close, a maniacal giggle escaping her lips as her image shifts, lips covered in blood once more. I can almost smell the coppery scent and feel her wispy breathe as she whispers her next question into my ear. It seems so real... and it hurts so much, because I know I can no longer touch her, and if I could her body would be frigid and cold. "Then what will you do, nii-san? I want to hear you tell me. It will please me. Don't you want to make your little sister happy, Light?"
"...I will kill him, Sayu-chan. I just have to wait until he leaves; if I don't they'll find out I'm Kira and I won't be able to finish tou-san's work. I will kill him as soon as he leaves the institution, I promise, Sayu-chan," I assure her, my voice full of conviction. Sayu seemed satisfied as did tou-san, so they left, leaving me to wallow in this guilt-turned-self-righteous-fury.
Unfortunately for him, his victim was on the other side of the wall in the room next door and heard his every word.

Fortunately I heard everything on Light-kun's end of the conversation. I was right to withhold information; I thought Light's interest in the Kira case was off slightly. Prior to this knowledge, I was only 21.8% certain that Light-kun's interest in the Kira case stemmed from him being Kira himself or hoping that Kira would serve a personal justice; now I know without a doubt that he is Kira; could I be anymore lucky? I get to have Kira as my subject; I haven't felt anything like this since the last time I was in the candy store with Near. I want so badly to tell Near of this development, but decide against it; Near would no doubt perceive him as a threat and want me away from him. He wouldn't see that this could be a massive advantage for our future plans; besides there really would never be another subject like Kira himself.
My mind is already being overrun with questions about Kira's methods and motives: Why does Kira only target hardened criminals and not minor ones? What part do his hallucinations play in this? How does Kira kill? Are his goals personal or are they selfless? How did he obtain his abilities? I shiver at the prospect of learning the answers to these questions, something so many others will never even get the opportunity to have; I do admit he chose a good hiding place, though I have to wonder if it was intentional—he seems to try to charm the staff in an attempt at convincing them of something... a faux recovery? I don't want him to leave here. I find my selfishness a little... interesting. I never thought of myself as possessive...
Apparently I am already learning a lot of clues to Light-kun's past; Light-kun has either encountered or created four hallucinations, as is evident from his conversation just now; a mother, a father, one named 'Sayu' and another named 'Ryuk.' The one called Ryuk seemed to annoy him; perhaps it was a figment for him to vent his pent up stress to. He also seemed to have a massive amount of guilt about the 'Sayu' in particular. The father, mother and this 'Sayu' all seem to resent him for something... It is more than likely his family.
I have to wonder just what happened to them—perhaps I could have Wedy do some digging around; regardless, I will find out in group therapy since Light-kun doesn't have special rights. Light-kun will be forced to reveal sooner or later; when I do know Kira's story I will begin my experimentation; I already have a wonderful idea in mind that I should thank this Ryuk for later—still, it is best to know about your subject as much as possible right?
I can say with 99.98% certainty that I am looking forward to tomorrow, but for tonight I should let things lie still.

I lie still in my bed, pondering every traumatic image I had seen within the past several hours. I... cannot believe people find pleasure in this. All the... the... I'm still not over my shock.
I have spent the last few hours scouring the internet in search of information; I have decided that L-niisan knows best, even if he did irreparably scar my mind for life. These images will never leave me... Never.
The most terrifying thing is that I got a rise out of this; my body reacted without my permission. I know that I'm human and have carnal desires, but I never expected this to happen to me—like those girls at TCHS who have unprotected sex and get STDs or become pregnant; it seemed so unnatural, so unlikely... My findings suggested several reasons for this reaction:
1) I am not an overly sexual creature. I have read that hair on the body is due the production of hormones that play a significant role is sexual activeness; I have little to none.
2) I am, as I suspected, asexual and I have next to no sex drive or preference towards any one gender.
3) I am bisexual, but just have no sex drive.
4) I am, and I quote, "a freak who never took the time to discover their sexuality until they were almost at adulthood."
I don't know what option scares me the most. I hate what I am feeling. It. Is. Terrifying. My onyx eyes remain unseeing as I stare at my white walls, seeing nothing but the abuse I put my mind through. I never knew there were so many forms of this activity; the scariest thing were the fetishes: sadism, foot fetishes, furries, tentacle porn, bondage, masochism, role plays, blood fetishes, bestiality... It never stops... I just... and the positions...
I feel something I haven't felt since nii-san and I were orphaned: a tear. A tear ran down my face! I... will go through with this plan, but I need a long while to digest all this and find out whether or not I'll survive my psychological collapse.
End Chapter Three
6600 words... A little shorter than the usual 7000 but hey, I've been working overtime.
I feel so bad for poor Near... But in a sick sadistic way, I find it funny that this is what breaks him. It's just an exaggerated version of what we all felt with the "talk." Near's reaction is probably what you would get if you had the talk and showed the images to a first grader and they fully comprehended it—he's that emotionally stunted. There are two puns in here and I didn't even try! You try to find them if it so pleases you. They're both pretty easy. :)
And poor Mello is lonely... He's so cute, using his anger to mask his sadness...
Thanks to Sae-senpai whose constant encouragement spurs me forward. I appreciate your religious reviews. Lol Also thanks to JayLawliet818, the first person to review aside from my senpai. (hugs) Slowly, but surely, this story is gaining fans.
Ja ne
Rainbow-chan :3
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Raising Hell