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A Break	By : MinamiHakari Category: +. to F > Attack on Titan /Shingeki No Kyojin Views: 3268 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan and I do not profit or make money from this fanfic. That being said, this is in Mature for a reason and is an m/m pairing.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
Minor spoiler alert for Episode 4 of anime and Chapter 3 of manga. As the anime does some things different from the manga, some of the material is mix and matched for the story.
A Break: Overcast
Eren jolts awake, clutching on to the arm bringing him from the depths of sleep. His eyes fall into warm brown. He still wasn’t used to that. “Franz,” he puffs, trying to catch his breath. He must have really been pitching a fit. Although his nightmares had receded shortly after training camp had started--what with all the distractions of lessons and drills--over the last couple months they’d returned. There was no logical explanation for their abrupt, unwelcome resurgence. He looks across the room to the empty, neatly made bed situated next to a still snoring Daz, and knows that’s not quite true. The empty space tells him that Armin had left for the library early again this weekend morning. Even though they weren’t allowed breaks due to inclement weather they were allowed Sundays off which most spent training related anyhow. Whether it was reading or sparring with friends. And this fact had just become more pronounced as the final written exams and final battle simulation exam were approaching quickly at the end of the month. He looks back up at Franz as the teen stands from the cot next to him and stretches. “Sorry, man. Did I wake you?”
“Oh nah. Was just sitting here wondering if Hanna would wanna join me today for training for finals,” the dark haired boy waves off. “But you were starting to really toss. Thought it best to wake you,” Franz informs.
“Thanks,” Eren appreciates and looks down at his hands with a grimace. On the rare occasions he’d have such bad nightmares, Armin would have done the same thing so others wouldn’t notice, but now they were happening more frequently ever since the blizzard training two months ago. Ever since Armin made up that b.s. excuse about needing to switch cots the night after returning. He had said the latest mission had made it clear he needed to put in extra time and he wanted a bed closer to the door so he could walk by and disturb less people on his way out to train on his own before drills and lessons started. Eren didn’t know who Armin thought he was fooling, since many of the boy’s in their dorm speculated on the sudden change though none hit the nail on the head thankfully. But as promised Armin slipped out quietly each morning and was nowhere to be found every day before classes though he’d arrive to lessons right on time. This left Eren no time to confront the blond and ask him why he seemed to be avoiding him or clear up the obvious misunderstanding that had them both rattled.
A defeated sigh leaves Eren and he shuts his eyes. Two rows of large teeth exposed thru lips drawn back into a grotesque smile greet him and Eren sits up suddenly, eyes wide. Even with his eyes open, the outline of the large face and beady eyes framed by short dull brown hair still haunts him momentarily. He returns his gaze to Armin’s bed and he vaguely remembers the nightmares, as they were mostly the same. Some weird crossover between his present life and his past in Shiganshina. More often than not they ended with teenage Armin getting swallowed whole by the Titan that killed his mom. He figured it made sense given his abandonment issues that Armin’s recent behavior would manifest this way. It felt like he was losing Armin and he felt helpless. There had to be something he could do. A hand waved in his face, brings him back to his immediate environment. Franz waves a hand in his face to catch his attention and he looks up at the beaming expression. The boy was ready and rearing to go and as Eren waves bye, it hits Eren what could be done.
***
Eren smiles warmly at finding Armin in the small library on the grounds, nestled in a corner by an open window. He had let Armin have his refuge and hardly bothered him in here even when they were on better terms but he knew he could always find him in that corner. And now that Armin left him no choice by going off who knew where during the week before lessons and avoiding him during meal times, he’d break the mutual unspoken understanding they had to leave Armin be when he was in his ‘spot.’ His approach is silent and Armin’s immersion in his studies grows more and more apparent as he advances within five feet of the boy without being noticed. He clears his throat to prevent from startling him but at the slight jump in the blond’s shoulders he knows he failed at the endeavor. Ice blue eyes rise to meet his and at the look of discomfiture that glasses over them Eren knows Armin would rather have been interrupted by a Titan. It almost discourages him but he holds fast.
“Hey. I just wanted to ask if you’d help me with the review of the theoretical lessons for final exams,” Eren stands confidently before Armin. This would work. It wasn’t quite the idea Franz had put in his head when he’d bounded off to go ask Hanna to train with him but Eren couldn’t very well ask Armin that way. He had to make it seem like he needed help, which he did, but details details. This way Armin couldn’t refuse a plea for help.
“Um. Why don’t you ask Mikasa? She gets high scores too,” Armin does refuse, returning his eyes to his book. He needed to cover up his panic. He was supposed to be safe here. Safe from the inevitability of confrontation. The second voice that intrudes his solitude has him raising his head again and he doesn’t know if he’s relieved that they’re no longer alone or more distraught.
“He did ask me,” Mikasa emerges from around a bookcase and joins Eren at his side. She puts a hand on his shoulder and smiles faintly. “But you know how hopeless he is. He needs extra help. So we came to find you.” The look of consternation she receives from Armin prompts her forward. She wasn’t going to give him a chance to refuse her. In quick strides her elegant legs have her next to Armin in a second and she hauls the boy to his feet. “Don’t worry. We’ll help you too. With your ODM and flesh paring techniques. It’s a win win,” she says decisively and ushers Armin towards Eren. On the way she throws a look at the brunette. He had been right about needing her help and she wondered what was up with the two that Armin would even need such prompting from her.
Eren turns away from the accusatory look that asks ‘what did you do’ and begins to walk to the side of the library that had tables for study groups. “We’ll start with the lessons,” Eren says, ignoring the pang of guilt Mikasa’s look had sent through him. The fact that he had maybe done irreparable damage to his and Armin’s friendship ate at him. “This us, Mikasa?” he asks coming to one of the small rectangular tables with books covering it. He had had the raven haired girl set up a table while he went to find the blond.
At a nod from the girl, Eren takes a seat out of the two on the side nearest them, and Armin deadpans. Ask, my ass, he thinks. The table was set up with three seats so they had planned this whether he agreed or not. He wanted to call them out on their lies but he had a more pressing issue. Mikasa seemed to be steering him toward the seat next to Eren when he’d much rather the lone seat on the opposite side of the table. So he attempts to take control of his direction, as he’d virtually been dragged by the female so far, and he tries to skirt around the table. Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it one step before he feels himself effortlessly tugged back and bodily moved into the awaiting chair next to Eren which Mikasa seems to have readied while pulling him back. He’d never been on the receiving end of Mikasa’s strength before but the speed and ease with which she threw him about left him slightly amazed before he realizes his proximity to Eren and he tries to stand again. Firm hands on his shoulders prevent him from doing so and he wonders if this was all a conspiracy but a quick glance at Eren’s face tells Armin the brunette was just as shocked at Mikasa’s actions as he was. He looks back to Mikasa as the girl leans down next to him, hands still on his shoulders.
“I missed you, Armin,” Mikasa tries to cover up her actions with affectionate words and squeezes Armin’s shoulders, purposefully making the grip harder than necessary as a warning that he shouldn’t try to get up again. When she feels the message has been successfully received she makes her way to the chair on the other side of the desk and continues the conversation she’d started. “What have you been up to? Haven’t seen you around,” Mikasa eases into the subject, voice as calm as ever. She really had missed Armin and had wondered why the boy never seemed to be around to mingle before classes or sat with them at meals anymore. Asking Eren had been fruitless as he feigned ignorance, insisting he hadn’t done anything, when it was clearly after their mission together that the palpable building tension, she’d been feeling cumulate between the two for the past year at least, had imploded. If Eren really didn’t know though, she’d try to find out for the both of them. She wanted her family getting along again.
Armin looks at her incredulously, but at the concerned look in her normally impassive eyes, Armin came to a realization. When he had decided to avoid Eren, he’d unintentionally jilted Mikasa as well and it hadn’t crossed his mind that that might have hurt her. So he loosens up a bit and draws a book to him from the middle of the table. Titan Physiology. It was a small lesson and as good of a place to start a review as any. “I’ve been training an hour before lessons with the commandant,” Armin reveals tersely before holding up the book. “Should we start here?” he asks Mikasa.
“Wait. The bastard gives private lessons?!” Eren gawks, taking Armin’s bicep in hand and turning him slightly. He wasn’t sure if he was more upset that Shadis had Armin alone for an hour after dawn or that he’d been missing out on extra lessons and opportunities to hone his Titan killing skills.
“Well, yeah,” Armin answers. “I had to get permission to train alone and he found my determination moving and took it upon himself to teach me extra. And it’s not private. Most trainees know about it they just choose not to participate, but there’s actually a few of us now,” he explains, shifting his arm in Eren’s grasp uncomfortably. The touch was warm but a bit rough and he was at odds with whether to allow Eren to maintain the contact he’d missed or shake it off. His decision is made for him and Eren unhands him on his own. Was that jealousy and remorse he saw in Eren’s features? Yeah? But it was probably just from missing out.
“Well I didn’t know about it,” Eren mumbles to himself. “Fucking Shadis,” he curses and flips open the notes he brought with him to a couple pages in. He takes a deep calming breath and decides to focus on the task at hand. There was nothing he could do about losing out on the extra training now, but there was hopefully something he could do about his and Armin’s situation. He slides his notebook closer to Armin. “This is what I have on Titan physiology,” he bares his notes.
Armin gapes, wide eyed, at the one page of a crudely drawn nape of a Titan and he’s pretty sure he hears a snicker escape from Mikasa. Chicken scratch denoted that this was a Titan’s only fatally woundable area and while that was true there were other notable things to know about a Titan’s body. For example, that most of their muscles were similar to humans, as their physiological appearance was, and although cutting them in places other than the nape of the neck wasn’t fatal, you could fell them and slow them down by cutting elsewhere like the Achilles tendon. He opens his own notes on the monstrosities’ physiology and shakes his head as Eren asks him how he possibly had that many notes. Mikasa opens her notes to reveal something similar to his and Eren’s disbelief grows as he views their skillfully drawn illustrations of vulnerable body parts and neat notes explaining the exploitation of the area when it came to battle. They definitely had their work cut out for them.
***
Three hours in and they were still on Titan physiology. Armin admitted there was a certain amount of usefulness to this information but the subject had only taken an hour of class to cover. Eren was not making this easy for them. He looks over at Mikasa. Scratch that. Mikasa was tireless. The girl was leaning over the table intently, showing Eren a picture of muscle clusters and explaining cutting techniques to him. Even he was learning things from her he hadn’t quite gotten when it came to the physical theoretical aspects of attacking Titans. Apparently only he was tiring, although Eren had almost dozed off a couple times though Armin attributed that to his attention span and not real exhaustion. However, after a rude awakening from Mikasa, that hadn’t been a problem again and Eren attentively listened, following along with Armin’s notes while occasionally copying some down in his own book.
Armin yawns and stretches, unwinding his tight back muscles. All this sitting around and talking about muscles had made his tense. Not only that, but at some point the other two had taken it upon themselves to make the focal point of their review Armin’s notes and Eren had progressively gotten closer and closer. He stretched to hopefully give himself some room but all it did was spur Eren to jest with him. ‘Not getting tired now, are you?’ Eren pats him on the arm with the back of his hand and starts teasing him but he hardly hears him as his focus centers on Eren’s thigh nudging his. It was most likely an innocent brush but the contact elicits memories he’d tried to banish from his mind.
He mentally slaps himself when his first reactive thought is to jerk away. Don’t, he thinks. It’s your overreactions that put you all in this uncomfortable mess to begin with, he continues, making a concerted effort to remain calm. Just because you think it means something doesn’t mean he thinks it means anything which means he won’t think anything if you stay and just relish it instead of freaking out because you think he’ll think you’re strange for doing so just because you think it’s strange. Armin’s head spins, his thoughts a jumbled mess. None of that mattered. Eren was here now, having been the one to seek him out. Even if it was just because he needed help in his studies, Eren could have easily only acquired Mikasa, but he’d included Armin too. It was a very real possibility that as usual, when it came to Eren, he’d overreacted and overthought the situation and his discomfort had made Eren uncomfortable. He was still overthinking it. Meanwhile, Eren’s thigh now held a steady light pressure against his while the boy places an arm around his shoulders to playfully jostle him.
“Better be careful you don’t fall asleep or else Mikasa will sock you too,” Eren teases, shifting his arm to rest on the back of Armin’s chair but leaving a few fingers in contact with the blond’s shoulder. He hadn’t known how much he’d missed hanging out with Armin until it was gone and now the small contact he’d allowed himself spiraled away from him and unbeknownst to him the feel of Armin beside him intoxicates him. He bashfully rubs his head where Mikasa had hit him and laughs as he subconsciously jitters the leg next to Armin nervously. “And she doesn’t hold back,” he continues his statement.
“Damn right,” Mikasa affirms as she raises a fist jokingly, but she’s sure her normal straight-faced expression made her look quite serious. “I’m taking time from my hobby to help you two,” she says. “So no falling asleep.”
“N-no,” Armin denies and his stomach grumbles audibly. Thank god. That gave him an out. His mind had flown back into a frenzy at feeling Eren’s leg rubbing against his along with the light weight of the fingers at his shoulder and it had taken everything he had not to run away. The knot in his stomach he hadn’t felt in a while had returned at the sparks the caresses shot through him, but it was different as heat coiled with it and he had to get away from the source before he couldn’t control it anymore. “I’m just hungry,” he excuses and pushes back his chair, a bit more roughly than necessary. His motor skills were a bit off at the moment and it takes some real effort to stand calmly and suggest a break. “We should go grab some lunch,” he suggests, hoping he’d find himself a better seating arrangement this way.
Eren shrugs, relieved that’s all that was behind Armin’s sudden distance. When the blond had stood, he quickly noticed that he had taken their relationship back to the comfort they’d shared previously, and possibly further, without resolving why Armin had been avoiding him the last couple of months. Until he found that out he’d promised himself he would try to curb his lively hands on attitude, since it seemed to make Armin uncomfortable, and ease back into their relationship after but he was failing miserably. After being away from the boy for two months he yearned to get their relaxed rapport back, even though he wasn’t ready to fully admit that wasn’t the only thing he was yearning for. To get that back however, he had to learn to ease into things. Things like asking Armin why the fuck he’d been avoiding him. But therein lay the problem. He was afraid if he just came out and asked Armin his reasons in his usual antagonistic way, he’d scare the boy off again and get nothing resolved. That and they were never alone, so he couldn’t bring up the topic when ‘the kiss,’ and who knows what else, might be brought up as the cause. The uncertainty of the whole discussion troubled him. His stomach growls. Well, he guessed they could always get to that later and give himself more time to think. He stands, conceding to the idea of lunch since he’d skipped breakfast, and so does Mikasa.
“Lunch sounds good,” the lone girl says, leaving the table as is and heading for the exit. “Especially since you cut my breakfast short, Eren,” she nags before stretching out. Her arms pause midway as she lowers them, a thought crossing her mind. “Maybe I’ll get my hobby in too,” she muses to herself.
“And what’s that?” Eren questions, following the girl out of the building and ignoring her breakfast comment. He didn’t want to bring attention to the fact that he’d essentially hauled Mikasa away from her breakfast so he could carry out mission ‘accost Armin’ as soon as possible.
Mikasa stops, allowing both boys to catch up, and a smirk pulls at the corner of her lips, not quite affecting her plain expression. “You’ll see,” she says, resuming her walk to the canteen. “You’ll see.” And as luck would have it there was her target standing at the end of the food line as they entered the cafeteria. I have to make this one good to make up for her dodging me all week, she thinks and she remembers the ammunition she’d been generously given this morning. “Sasha,” she calls, catching the girl’s attention along with several other people in line. The look she receives tells Mikasa the girl knows what’s coming but she had nowhere to run if she wanted to get her food which everyone knew Sasha never passed up. This was the perfect place to pin her. “You left a floater in the latrine, but don’t worry I flushed it for you before anyone saw it,” Mikasa informs the lanky girl of the morning she’d most likely forgotten as she still looked bleary eyed as Mikasa passed her on the way into one of their communal bathrooms to brush her teeth. Sasha’s mouth drops, but Mikasa makes sure her poker-face doesn’t falter for a second so everyone knows she’s serious. Not that she’d lie. The only time she’d lied had been when she was covering for Eren’s spar with Jean but after that she’d made it her hobby to find things to bust Sasha’s balls over, as she’d found the girl’s reactions priceless and valued them highly. And that morning the girl had given Mikasa all the ammo she’d needed to make up for the lack of material all week. They all hear Commandant Shadis grunt in disapproval from where he happened to be standing close by before the man walks away and all the trainees in the immediate area bust out laughing when he exits the hall.
“Mikasaaa,” Sasha wails, but the look of indifference on Mikasa’s face tells her her plea fell on deaf ears.
What she may never know is that Mikasa was all ears, the embarrassed whines like music to them, and while she walked around the stock still girl, look of ennui still plastered on her face, Mikasa was beaming on the inside.
“That’s just wrong,” Eren says shaking his head at Mikasa but hardly holding back a laugh himself as he also rounds the mortified girl. He looks back at Armin when he hears him speak.
“There, there,” Armin consoles Sasha, as he turns her around to rejoin the line. “I’m sure she didn’t mean to embarrass you,” he says.
Eren can tell Armin didn’t believe his own words for a minute as he sees the wide smile that the blond opted for instead of laughing in potato girl’s face. The smile was beautiful and he wondered why he didn’t see it more often. That fact had him staring longer than he should and Armin’s eyes meet his briefly as the boy looks forward. The smile disappears and Eren’s not sure what replaces it. Embarrassment? Was Armin blushing? No. He was probably projecting how he felt for being caught staring and he turns his attention back to the lady behind the food counter as she hands him a plate of hot food.
***
The rest of lunch was pretty eventless compared to the beginning, but Eren couldn’t care less. He was eager to return to the library where it could be just the three of them. On Sundays, people hardly went to the library and stayed there like they did during the week to pass time between classes sometimes. Instead they’d borrow the books and read them elsewhere; usually outside in the fresh air. Personally, he’d always thought the library was too stuffy but he saw now that the silence and isolation had a certain appeal that had probably drawn Armin to make the building a type of sanctuary. So as soon as he sees Armin finish his last bite of food, he stands and considerately takes up both Mikasa’s and Armin’s empty plates. “Come on guys. Time’s a wasting,” he says, ignoring the befuddled looks of his two comrades and the other trainees at their table. “Exams aren’t gonna take it easy on us so no taking it easy,” he throws over his shoulder as he approaches a receptacle for dirty dishes.
Armin sighs and shakes his head as the guy next to him asks ‘what’s got into him.’ He had no idea, but he had been trying to prolong lunch as he was in no hurry to return to the library. If it were any other time he’d laugh at the irony that Eren wanted to study while he wanted to avoid the one place that was practically made for him on the training grounds. Instead he languidly rises from his seat and follows Mikasa and Eren out of the cafeteria while thinking of ways out of returning to the seating arrangement only he seemed to have a problem with. He wished that wasn’t the case. Wished that the time away from Eren had provided him with answers—peace of mind maybe—but instead, at the end of it, he’d just come to the conclusion that Eren wasn’t uneasy around him because he didn’t like him as a friend like he thought, but because he was uneasy around Eren which strained the exuberant boy’s relationship with him. And the apprehension he’d been feeling hadn’t seemed to disappear like he thought it would either but had instead grown stronger and returned with a vengeance at the return of socialization between him and the brunette. All in all the last two months hadn’t accomplished anything except telling him he was the problem. Which is what I’d established two months ago, but in a different capacity, Armin thinks. He growls to himself and ruffles his hair in frustration. This wasn’t getting him anywhere. His mind was running in circles. He looks up.
“Armin, are you all right?” Mikasa asks, her keen hearing alerting her to the boy’s plight behind her. They were trailing behind Eren and had just entered the library.
“Uh, yeah,” Armin answers. “I was just thinking that the battle sim portion of the exam is still really going to kick my butt even with the extra training,” he makes up on the fly. “And I’m eager to start more today since you guys said you’d help me. Especially with the sword techniques,” the blond continues. He wasn’t exactly lying as the commandant had been focusing on strength building and ODM, but he really hoped the other two wouldn’t see pass the hastily made up excuse to not go back to the books. His head was a mess right now and even if he didn’t sit next to Eren he really didn’t think he could teach a thing to the boy with how scrambled his thoughts were. Some exercise would hopefully clear his mind. Mikasa looks up thoughtfully.
“I guess we could start that now. We’d pretty much finished up on Titan physiology so we can get some physical lessons in today instead of starting another topic,” Mikasa says. “That sound good to you, Eren,” she asks, raising her voice slightly to reach the boy who had already retaken his seat at their table.
“What’s that?” Eren questions, only catching the last half of Mikasa’s statement.
“Armin wants to start his half of this arrangement and do some drills,” Mikasa informs. “It’s probably for the best. Your brain can probably only take so much studies at a time anyway,” she gibes.
Eren scoffs. “You know it’s not funny when you say it with such a straight face,” he chides. Mikasa cracks a forced smile at him and he grimaces at the awkwardness of it. “Never mind,” he says and packs up his notes before standing again. Anything Armin wanted to do was fine as long as they were all doing it together again. “We’ll have to ask Shadis for permission to use a dummy and our gear,” Eren says as he strides back toward the exit. The others quickly gather their belongings, since they were likely not returning again, and hustle after him. He knew exactly where to find the commandant and makes his way to the officer’s station. Usually he avoided the place like the plague but he was excited to get in a good workout. The past couple months had been rough and he didn’t nearly put in the amount of effort he could have which only brought him on par with everyone else since the effort he could put into anything was unparalleled. He stops at the entrance and taps his foot impatiently, waiting for the other two before entering. Opening the door, he allows Mikasa and Armin in first before entering himself and Mikasa takes charge toward the commandant’s desk to the right. When the man stands, she stands at attention, forcing Eren and Armin to follow suit. ‘At ease,’ the commandant orders and they relax although Eren tenses up again at the stringent ‘what do you want’ that follows along with a glare shot in his direction.
“Sir. We request permission to use a dummy Titan and our gear for practice purposes, Sir,” Eren uses his best subordinate voice.
“Denied,” Shadis says simply. He has to hold back a smile at the sulk he receives from Eren. The girl was as apathetic as ever, his denial seemingly not bothering her at all, but the blond looked slightly disappointed. He looks back to Eren and holds up a hand to halt the brunette from protesting. His eyes quickly glance back and forth from Armin to Eren. It was nice to see them finally getting along again. He sighs. “The use of a dummy is denied, but I’ll authorize signing out of your gear.”
“Sir,” Mikasa acquiesces and pivots a foot sharply to depart, as do the others. They knew when to quit while ahead. The commandant clearing his throat stops them in their tracks though.
“Tell you what,” he begins. “Why don’t I come wake you two up an hour early as I do with Arlelt and the others and I’ll set up some extra dummy training,” Shadis offers, pointing at Eren and Mikasa.
“Really,” Eren asks in disbelief, mouth agape, but he gets a sharp warning elbow in the side from Mikasa. He straightens quickly. “I mean, Sir. Thank you.” He quickly salutes with a fist to his heart and so do the others before he leads a quick retreat out the door.
“Wow, he’s really lightened up,” Eren remarks to no one in particular as he heads to the neighboring building where their equipment was stored.
“I suppose,” Mikasa shrugs. “But we only have use of the gear right now. We’ll have to settle for just ODM lessons today, Armin,” she turns to the shorter boy.
“Huh,” Armin raises his head. His thoughts weren’t on their conversation and hadn’t been since Shadis had invited Eren to their morning sessions. This was bad. Suddenly he went from avoiding Eren to spending all their free time together. The prospect would have scared him if Mikasa didn’t stop and turn to him fully, a small smile gracing her lips. Was she actually so happy to be spending time together again that it broke through her normal façade? His eyes flicker toward Eren, who once again waits for them before entering the next building, and Armin comes to a realization as his eyes focus back on the girl between them. Mikasa acted as a physical barrier; and so did everyone else. He could feel the panic that had permeated him at Eren’s discovery of him that morning slowly ebb away. The mental issue he had with Eren’s proximity to him, he’d figure out as he went along—but as long as they weren’t alone he could handle this. Eren hadn’t confronted him yet about his behavior even though he could feel that he wanted to—you didn’t spend years with a person and not know when they were itching to do something. So he credited that to the presence of others and would make sure he avoided isolation with the brunette at all costs. He didn’t think he could handle the questions Eren probably had for him with the truth and he didn’t think he could lie about it either. So all in all, avoidance was the best route again.
“Fine with me,” Armin finally responds, not 100% sure what he was fine with. But things were settling in his mind and he had a plan so things were fine.
***
The next morning, he was sore. Mikasa had drilled them hard and taught them a couple new maneuvers that she had them practice to perfection until almost sundown. Dinner was a blur, he was so tired. But he couldn’t complain. It was fun and was just the workout his mind needed, knocking it out as soon as his head hit the pillow. The morning brought new worries but they soon faded when Shadis moved to wake Eren up after him and the boy almost freaked out at seeing the commandant’s candle lit face, probably forgetting all about the invitation to their pre-lesson practice. It allows him to get ready and slip out of the room to visit the bathroom. Another boy from the second dorm across the hall enters and he’s just glad it isn’t Eren. God forbid they be in the bathroom alone together. “Morning, Nack,” he greets, kicking himself and trying to change the subject his brain was on. The boy grunts at him and Armin smiles. The act no longer offended him since he knew the boy, now brushing his teeth next to him, was not a morning person but still insisted on greeting him anyway. It reminded him of a certain other brunette who was probably waking their entire dorm right now with his disgruntled shuffling. He finishes brushing his own teeth and goes to exit the bathroom, but the door opens before he gets to it. Eren! He startles.
“Oh,” Eren gasps, feeling just as startled as the boy in front of him looked. The last thing he expected was coming face to face with the blond who had just recently been occupying his dreams in a different propensity than of late. Getting back into the groove of things yesterday had his imagination running wild again. “Sorry,” he apologizes, before skirting around Armin and heading for a toilet stall, hands clasped in front of him.
Eren joins the others on the porch shortly after, just as Shadis is escorting a woman officer, Mikasa, and another couple of girls towards them. He recognized one as Mina, if he remembered correctly, but the name of the other escaped him so he surveys the group of boys around and found that none were from his room. There was Nack, Millius, surprisingly no Tomas as the three always hung out, and a few boys from the dorms upstairs that he didn’t associate with. Wait. His eyes land on a familiar messy crew cut. God damn it, Eren thinks as he views Jean speaking to Armin and he tries ignores the wrenching in his gut.
By the end of the week, the wrenching had turned into a steady gnawing in the background—the only thing keeping it in the background being Eren’s drive to outdo the boy who had apparently been getting extra training since a little after the blizzard mission. It had never caught his attention that Jean had been absent from the dorm in the following mornings but now that he knew, he would put all his power into catching up with and surpassing him. As he focused on this, his extra training, lessons and the looming exams, he had no time to dwell on figuring out the feelings that produced the gnawing and he didn’t mind. Because when he did get distracted and dwell… “Shit,” Eren swears, his sword lodging into the fake flesh of the dummy Titan after his eyes stray to glance Jean mentoring Armin on how to better hold his paring blades. …This is what happened. He looks up from where he’s propped on the back of the Titan figure, trying to yank his sword free.
“Hope you enjoy being Titan fodder, Jaeger,” Shadis yells from his position at the foot of a tree. “Cuz that’s exactly what you just became,” he continues, shaking his head in dismay. He was certain he was the only one to catch the brief distraction but if the boy allowed such things to sidetrack him in the field, he wasn’t going to last long. “Next,” he barks. The kid had to figure that out on his own.
“Fuck,” Eren grunts, angry for making a fool of himself. Jean had to be having a field day with this. His blade comes free and he looks for Jean and sure enough he is laughing at him as he takes his place next for practice. Smug bastard, he thinks and looks away. His eyes land on Armin and blue eyes flit away from his before Armin swings down a few branches of the tree he’s in to join a boy with short dirty blond hair.
“Millius,” Armin calls, missing Eren’s furrowed expression as he lands next to the boy. “Do you have any tips you find useful?” he asks, trying to ignore the eyes he can still feel on his person. It had been the same all week. Eren would spot him alone and he’d immediately find a reason to talk to someone else. The brunette didn’t seem to think anything of it and would usually join them but he wondered how long he could continue before the behavior got suspicious. He purports listening to Millius stumble through an explanation of techniques he’d already learned and when Eren doesn’t join them he risks a glance around to find him. Eren had joined Mikasa now and had his back turned to him but Mikasa was staring straight at him and he quickly averts his gaze back to Millius.
Mikasa shakes her head as she enters the library with Eren to begin their third and final theoretical study session. Armin was ready for them again this Sunday and already sat at their usual table in the seat she’d occupied the first Sunday. He seemed to be busying himself with his notes but she knew better, her keen eyes able to tell the difference between legitimate distraction and a pretense. After she had caught Armin peering for Eren the first day after they joined the extra training she’d noticed the ongoing behavior. Armin talked to Eren only when in groups but still kept his distance. She didn’t understand the point when he’d just stare at him from afar but Eren was worse. While she had made the mistake of letting Armin notice her observing him the day before their previous Sunday session, Eren didn’t notice that anyone who was paying attention could see where he’d made his folly that morning. It slightly annoyed her and she wanted to do something about it but if they couldn’t see what she saw, it wasn’t right to confront them and possibly make matters worse. She’d made that mistake last Sunday when she tried to leave the two alone to have some time to maybe talk in private since she thought that’s what they needed whether Armin diligently avoided the situation or not but Armin confirmed her suspicions and wouldn’t have any of it, making his own excuse to leave the table as soon as she did. The memory provokes a sigh from her as she takes a seat with Eren beside her. They’d resolve it on their own hopefully.
“So where did you guys want to begin today?” Armin asks eagerly. He had found when he wasn’t stressing about Eren’s leg accidentally bumping his or worrying about how an arm thrown over his shoulder casually would affect him, he enjoyed discussing academics and was able to function optimally instead of making Mikasa do all of the work like the first time. “I was thinking we could do field formation and battle tactics for our last review,” he suggests, flipping open a couple of his notes and a thick book. They were reviewing in the classroom now but that had been one of the first topics revisited when the teachers began more than a month ago and he was certain they could all benefit from a refresher. Mikasa shrugs apathetically, conceding she was fine no matter the subject and Armin looks to Eren. The older boy opens his notes with no complaint either and Armin isn’t even surprised any more at the meager notes and just shakes his head.
“Hey. Listen if I’d known I’d be judged on my note taking skills I’d have paid closer attention and taken more,” he quips as he looks at Armin, the blush tainting his cheeks from embarrassment of his poor note taking abilities betraying his harsh tone.
The rare sight has Armin blushing too and he quickly averts his gaze.
Mikasa rolls her eyes at the two now fussing about their notes and she produces hers before proceeding to move them along. Judging from Eren’s lack of notes—even though they’d had a class and a review on the subject—they’d be visiting the mess hall late today.
***
Eren stretches widely and yawns unrestrained. He ends the action by bringing a hand down on to Mikasa’s head. “What do you say we call it quits,” he says, ruffling her hair slightly. If he had to go over another mock field operation, he’d die.
Armin smiles warmly at Eren’s exaggerated actions but a twinge of jealousy scuttles through him at seeing Mikasa brush Eren’s hand from her head nonchalantly before taking a fist and gently rubbing her knuckles into the side of his head to noogie him while she made a quip about his brain not accustomed to being used so much. They used to have that relaxed relationship once. But now it tore at him to watch Mikasa take Eren in a head lock after the boy had made a witty insult of his own against her. “I’ll meet you guys in the mess,” he says, standing brusquely, scooping up his notes and walking half way to the exit before the other two even compute what he’s doing. “Just remembered there’s something I need to do,” he calls back an explanation before disappearing from sight. There was nothing he needed to do but he couldn’t sit there any longer and watch what came to them with such ease. His ears faintly catch Mikasa calling his name but he ignores it and continues outside. He looks up at the sky and quirks his lip into a bitter smile. It had been clear before he’d entered the library but now, just like his thoughts, it was cloudy and dark.
It was a little while before Armin joined them but Eren didn’t notice right away. Once he’d smelled food, he was reminded that it had been almost five hours since he ate breakfast and he can’t imagine what possessed him to hold off demanding they stop sooner. A delightful smile accosts him as he closes his eyes in bliss from the first bite of food he’s had in what felt like forever and he remembers the culprit. Watching Armin’s face light up as he and Mikasa tried to drill facts into his brain had influenced him. And as he remembers all the wrong things about the lesson they just had, he allows a wide satisfied smile to grace his lips, knowing everyone would just think he was turning into Sasha and enjoying his food a little more than he should. But as he ate and spaced out, closing his eyes every so often, he pictured Armin’s smooth hands spreading over field positioning charts as his pink lips explained tactical positions of differently responsible squads. The fingers of those same hands would occasionally tuck stray strands of the hair he’d had the pleasure of burying his face in only once behind small ears he’d like to tease more than just verbally. He licks his lips and takes another swallow of food. A clang shakes him from his thoughts and he almost chokes.
“Sorry,” Armin apologizes for his delay as he sets down his plate of food and sits across from Eren but the brunette was out of his seat before Armin fully settled into his.
“Excuse me,” he dismisses himself from the table, death grip on his plate as he held it in front of him. He passed several receptacles before discarding it in the one nearest the door and he leaves. There’s something wrong with me, Eren thinks as he strides to an outhouse. The thoughts assaulted him unsuspectingly, just like the dreams, and seemed to be worse than they ever were before their mission in the snow. He didn’t know if he’d prefer the nightmares. At least then I’d be normal. Not that there was anything wrong with males who liked males. But when it was your best friend who didn’t share the feeling... At least then Armin wouldn’t have needed to avoid me. He could get on with his life in peace, only having to worry about reclaiming his freedom from the Titans and not reclaiming his friendship.
Armin and Mikasa exit the cafeteria and wait on the raised deck when they finish eating and Eren still hasn’t returned. It’s only another minute before the boy saddles up to them, rubbing the back of his head with a goofy grin on his face.
“Had to make room for all the food I just shoveled in my face,” Eren explains his sudden rush from the hall.
“A little too much info,” Mikasa states as she stands along with Armin from the seat they’d taken on the top step.
“What? You can talk about floaters but I can’t just comment on going to the bathroom,” Eren questions Mikasa’s logic and Armin laughs. It was a beautiful sound.
“I agree with Eren,” Armin comments through his smile. It might have been too much info but it put his mind to rest as to why Eren had bolted so suddenly at his appearance. His plan had been working relatively well and although Mikasa seemed to be wary of his actions, Eren still hadn’t approached him and they were getting along this way. Mikasa shoots him a look and he holds up his hands defensively. “I’m just saying I don’t think anyone who was there has forgotten the information you let ‘slip.’”
Mikasa rolls her eyes at him but a small smile creeps onto her face as she turns to begin walking away. She couldn’t deny that and she had missed it today but every time she and Sasha were in the same area, she could sense the dread from the girl and anticipation from others as they wondered when she’d strike next. Leaving them hanging was fun and watching Sasha cringe every time she opened her mouth was entertaining, but the next time she’d act would be when her previous gag had been forgotten and Sasha was lulled into a false sense of security. She suppresses the wider smile that wants to emerge. There were more important things than scheming about Sasha. And with that, she leads them to get their gear to start another strenuous ODM training session.
***
The next few days flew by. The dark clouds of Sunday had brought rain the beginning of the week but still lingered even as the rain ceased. It was a dreary day for their physical part of the exam and Armin just hoped it wasn’t an omen for how his day was going to go. It was early morning and the whole 104^th cadet trainee squad was assembled broadly at the start of the forest that bordered one side of the camp. Throughout it dummy Titans were being manned by officers and strategically placed to challenge cadets’ wits and skills. On top of that they had to maneuver the terrain which had a daunting cliff halfway through and they were graded on it all, while timed. Armin sighs at the thought. Two hours seemed like a lot of time to make it through the course but he’d heard rumors that, while the written exam only had something like a 2% failure rate, the battle sim had a near 15% failure rate. Which meant out of the 400 or so cadets who managed to survive the three years, around 60 of them would most likely fail. He had passed the paper part of the exam yesterday, acing it to be honest, and so had Eren apparently since he was still in camp so that was one worry out of the way. But now he had to make Eren and Mikasa proud by showing them that their hard work paid off and if he was lucky he’d be attending the ceremony with them that very same night.
The eruption of a green flare pulls Eren from his thoughts and he bounces his foot impatiently as he watches the squad several yards ahead of him advance into the forest. The trainees were separated in to large groups of around 100 then further divided into parties of 9, 10 or 11 people before they then lined up and waited to set out into the forest from one of ten designated spots along the tree line. He was in the second group of one hundred to be deployed and he sincerely wished he could have been setting out with the first group like Mikasa was now. The only consolation was that he was in Armin’s group and party and as he looked around he noticed that the majority of his party were people who’d been in the morning sessions with him with the exception of the boys from the second floor dorms, Mikasa and Jean. Thank god. He, Nack, Millius, Mina, Liza, and of course Armin stood around along with Franz, Tomas, and Connie. His eyes fall on Armin again and his anxious expression catches his attention. He excuses himself from the conversation he was in with Franz and ambles closer to Armin. “Hey. Don’t worry. You’ll do fine,” Eren encourages, throwing an arm around Armin’s shoulder. “You helped me and now it’s my turn to get your back. After all teamwork was a lesson too,” Eren assures, ignoring the ideas his own words fueled his imagination with.
“Thanks,” Armin smiles, the friendly gesture relaxing him instead of flustering him for once. In fact it comforted him and his confidence swells. “You’re right,” he agrees, remembering something one of the instructors had hinted at. The physical exam wasn’t all physical as the name implied but incorporated their theoretical lessons as well. “Let’s make up a simple formation.”
By the time he’d explained his plan to their group and doled out responsibilities of position, the two hour mark of the first deployment was almost up. They’d have roughly another half hour before the dummies were reset for them so they all relax and mentally prepare themselves. The pall of clouds was starting to break up and as small rays of sunshine slip through, Armin looks up from the seat he’d taken on the ground and wonders how many other groups organized. Hopefully he wasn’t over thinking having a formation but why else would they be in units instead of having the exam be a free-for-all. He sighs and tenses slightly when someone plops down next to him. It was just Eren. “Oh, hey,” he greets relaxedly but the boy was glancing around instead of looking his way and Armin doesn’t understand until he does the same. Don’t tell me... Armin’s eyes dart from side to side nervously. He’d allowed himself to stray out of earshot from the others. Eren didn’t plan on confronting him here did he? The look in his eyes when he finally faces him tells him yes. Armin could kick himself for dropping his guard—they’d been getting along so well—but instead he takes another look around before standing up. He wouldn’t give him the chance. It was either be rude here or tell Eren the truth. He begins to walk away. Being rude was better than having Eren hate him for the truth. He’s stopped.
“Hey,” Eren calls, grabbing at Armin’s cuff. “Where’re you going?” he asks, a little shocked Armin would jilt him like that. The boy’s countenance had changed from when he decided to join him but all he wanted to do was talk. He realized this was probably not the best time given they were about to go into a mock battle of sorts but things had seemed to be easing between them and when he’d seen Armin sitting by himself he figured this was his first chance in weeks to approach the boy to make sure everything really was fine between them. His behavior now proved as much everything wasn’t and he knows the next words out of Armin’s mouth are just an excuse to elude him. So when the boy tentatively tugs away he lets the fabric in his grip slip away so Armin can go join the group he’d designated as the ‘defensive rear.’ He sits there for a moment more, his mind stewing. It frustrated him that he still hadn’t gotten to explain himself and that Armin probably thought the worst of him even though he had been pretending everything was ok. A horn blows and he springs up, shaking his head to clear it. He had to focus. This was no time to be in a funk. He and everyone in their deployment of a hundred had to ready themselves before the forest at their designated stations and wait. Triggers and blades now in hand, Eren focuses.
A green flare goes off and Eren waves his hand in a command for his squad as he takes point as planned and runs into the forest, firing his grappling hook up into a tree as soon as he was in range. The first rule of fighting Titans was getting to high ground and striking from there. He looks back briefly to make sure everyone is keeping formation. A little behind him, Nack and Tomas, flanked him on the right and left while Liza finished the diamond formation of their ‘offensive front.’ Connie, who was quick to maneuver with his ODM gear, was by himself in the middle to switch between groups if needed. And Armin led the defensive crew with Mina and Millius flanking while Franz brought up the rear. He faces back forward as his peripheral vision catches movement to his left but he whizzes past the dummy out of reach and calls for Tomas as another dummy straight ahead comes into view between the trees. That was his target and he pushes towards it. The exam officially was underway!
Armin was getting tired again, the ODM gear straining his muscles as he slashes at a smaller model Titan the others had whizzed by as they focus on the ones popping out at the sides. Their formation had taken a bit of a hit in the organization department as the numbers increased but he thought they were doing well. He would never have imagined that the camp had so many dummies available for the test, but after they had made it up the cliff and taken a brief break, the dummies hidden in the forest became more numerous and their placement tricky. They even rigged top halves of figures to the side of trees that would slide out to catch you off guard as you went for a more obvious kill. At least it looked like they were nearing the end of the course as he thought he spotted a clearing in the trees ahead. Directly ahead of him, it looked like Eren saw the same thing and accelerated in excitement. A dummy swivels on a gear to block his way and he doesn’t even slow down as he readies for the kill shouting ‘outta my way’ in true Eren form. Armin smiles at the boisterous attitude, but a second movement behind Eren catches his eye. “Eren, behind you,” he calls as he propels into action when a dummy slides out from behind a nearby tree.
Eren turns his head after felling his fake Titan just in time to see Armin slash the nape of the dummy that would have gotten him if it were real but doesn’t have time to relax as a mannequin, he assumes was meant to simulate an abnormal, is dropped by a pulley system above Armin. He pivots on his footing he just gained on the side of a tree and pushes up as he ejects a lot of gas from his tank. Flying past Armin who barely dodges him, he bounds up from the tree trunk behind the boy and slashes at the neck of the Titan as it comes to a stop a few yards above the branch. As he lands on the branch with Armin, his first course of action is to scope out their surroundings for any more surprise attacks. There weren’t any. Next he glances at one of the instructors on the ground who he assumed graded. He’d spotted several of them on the course standing by the soldiers who volunteered to man the dummy mechanisms and they’d occasionally jot down errors he reckoned they connected to them using the numbers they all wore on their backs. The instructor crossed out several values and Eren sighs. He must have made it in time, though the instructor apparently had anticipated no one would notice the trap in time. How many people failed due to that? Eren wonders, but doesn’t dwell on it. All that mattered is that they should be fine now. “Told you I had your back,” he returns his attention to Armin, who had fallen to his behind, and he reaches for his arm. The boy flinches and Eren pauses his actions. He had been too busy with the exam to notice Armin’s distance but had they regressed to stage one again? Armin’s expression was unreadable but he was pretty sure the hurt he felt from Armin withdrawing from him showed. The branch they’re on wobbles as Liza joins them and Armin stands on his own as Eren straightens, trying to wipe the look off his face before anyone else notices. The others gather around on other branches of the tree and he turns to Liza.
“Everything all right over here?” Liza asks, looking up at the dangling dummy. She grimaces. “They’re sure not pulling any punches,” she says and looks back down. “We cleared the immediate area,” she continues, pointing out into the forest where it seemed the rest of the team had their hands full as well.
“Yeah. And it looks like we should be done,” Nack interjects from a branch above. Putting a hand to his brow and squinting off into the distance, he continues. “I think I see the tents in the clearing ahead.”
“Great, then let’s go,” Connie exclaims, jumping off his branch and shooting his hook to pendulum forward.
Armin wanted to tell him to wait just in case there were any more surprises, they should reconstruct their formation, but everyone follows suit. “Wait,” he catches Eren in time when Eren goes to leave too. The boy pauses and looks at him. “Thanks for having my back,” he smiles sincerely, hoping that would at least take the edge off his previous actions. When Eren smiles back and says ‘always’ he feels it has and he steps off the branch to follow the others before they got too far away or Eren saw how his promise affected him, a huge smile adorning his face.
***
Finally exams were over and like everyone in the courtyard he’d received permission to attend the graduation ceremony as he’d passed all the challenges of camp. Furthermore, set apart from the rest, he stood 5th best in the line of the ten cadets allowed to enter the military police. But it didn’t matter—even as the commandant explained their choice of regiments and gave a speech of dedicating their hearts—his heart was set on the Scout’s Regiment. He’d have his freedom of the walls. He’d have his revenge on the Titans. They all would. Since Mikasa, who was ranked 1st of course, and Armin, who hadn’t made a rank, had graduated along with him. He straightens with pride and gives a heartfelt salute at the thought as the commandant finishes his speech and dismisses them to their after party celebration in a rented out tavern in the nearby town.
Eren sips at the malt they were allowed as part of their celebration since they were now officially recognized as adults, old enough to risk their lives in the army. The privilege seemed a trifle thing in comparison. Nevertheless, he enjoyed the novelty even though as he listens to Jean, a table over, harp on the prospect of joining the military police and life in the comforts of the interior, his mood sours. He watches Jean discredit Marco’s sincere wish to work with the king while he slaps him on the back, making the freckled boy slosh ale all over his face, and Eren can’t keep quiet any longer. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I think the roomy comforts of the interior are too much for the contents of your brain to handle, Jean,” he needles. A couple snorts of laughter can be heard from the people at their tables as Jean quiets. He receives a glare from the boy but he’s surprised when Jean ends up shrugging the gibe off.
“I’m just being a realist,” Jean states, raising his nose and intending to snub Eren for the rest of the night. It really rubbed him the wrong way that Eren ranked ahead of him even if just by one and he resolved to be the better man at least and not let Eren goad him into a fight. A voice, not Eren’s, joining the conversation from Eren’s table has him looking back over though.
“Don’t tell me you’re still seriously considering joining the Scouts even though you got into the top ten?!” Tomas probes.
“There’s been no doubt in my mind. I didn’t bust my ass all this time to grow lazy in the interior,” Eren professes before taking a gulp of his ale. “I did it to fight Titans,” he continues to Tomas’s openly stunned face as he rests his empty jug on the table. The jug shakes.
“But we can’t beat them,” Tomas stands, his outburst taking everyone including himself by surprise. The surrounding tables quiet at the disruption and he eases back into his seat bashfully. “I mean, for every one Titan death nearly 30 human lives are sacrificed. The consequences should be clear seeing we lost 20% of our population when we last opposed them.” He was talking softly now but his outburst had caused a silence to fall over most of the hall as the curiosity had spread and he was pretty sure everyone could hear his words now, but he continues with one last grave proclamation. “Humanity can’t beat the Titans.” He relaxes his tense shoulders and looks down as the weight of the statement hits him along with everyone else in the room, and at Eren’s silence, he thinks he’s made his point but…
“So?” Eren contests, glaring determination in his eyes. “You don’t think we can win, so the next best thing is to give up?” he appeals. Tomas opens his mouth to answer, but he wasn’t done and the boy sulks as if being scolded. “Sure we haven’t won a battle so far, but that’s because we’ve been in the dark about the Titans. Material warfare seems useless against them but we lost because we had so little information about them. The information we gained from our struggles will lead to sovereignty. Are we just going to throw away all that progress that cost us tens of thousands of lives so we can be Titan chow!” he asks rhetorically. Anger flushes his cheeks. “To hell with that!” Tears of frustration stung his eyes and he stands, clenching his fist before him. He doesn’t know where all this emotion is coming from but the fire in his belly told him it was most likely the three cups of lager he had put away. And the fire urges him to continue. “I’m going to obliterate every last Titan and gain my freedom from this cage we call a home,” he proclaims. “I have a dream and it’s to explore the outside world and all it has to offer. As long as that dream is still there humanity hasn’t truly been defeated yet.” The dead silence of the room hits Eren hard as he finishes his rant and he growls in frustration that no one knew how he felt before storming out of the tavern.
“Eren,” Armin calls, but it’s Mikasa that goes after him first and he decides to tag along too. He finds the two sitting on the steps of the pathway before the lodge, speaking.
“I’m joining the scouts with you,” Mikasa informs.
“What!” the brunette exclaims. “You were the first in the whole class. You should join the MP.”
“If you join the Military Police then I’ll join the Military Police. If you join the Garrison Regiment then I’ll join that, because without me you’re certain to die an early death.”
Eren shakes his head. “I never asked for your help,” he pouts. There’s a pause.
“I don’t want to lose any more family,” Mikasa says solemnly, pulling her scarf up over her mouth.
Eren sighs in defeat and he looks at Armin as he takes a seat to his right on a step below them. “What regiment are you planning to join, Armin?” he asks.
“I’m joining the scouts,” Armin declares definitively.
“Are you sure,” Eren asks. “You were the best at theoretical classes. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, pursuing a career in your strengths instead of following some insane course of action.”
Armin couldn’t believe it. He thought they’d come to a silent understanding at the end of their exam, but maybe Eren was upset with him. No; that wouldn’t deter him. He had made new friends but even if things were still a bit rocky between him and Eren right now and he couldn’t help that, he wouldn’t turn his back on their dream of leaving the walls together some day especially after hearing Eren profess it so strongly before everyone. “I refuse to be a burden. I’ve made up my mind,” Armin insists and looks away. He misses the small smile that graces Eren’s lips.
Eren guesses he’d be bringing the two down with him. Mikasa refused to enter the Military Police without him and Armin had something to prove. It was a little messed up but the two following him to possible demise in the Scout’s Regiment makes him a bit happy even though he’d argued against it. He smiles up at the night sky spotted with the receding clouds and sighs contentedly, the others following his gaze just in time to witness a shooting star through the clearing. The silence they enjoy together is interrupted by the one hour to curfew warning bell and he stands with a grunt. He sways a little at the sudden change in position and his head swims. A gentle hand steadies him and he looks back to Mikasa.
“Good night,” Mikasa says as she looks at both Armin and Eren. Her gaze focuses on the latter. “Get back safe,” she impresses upon him, looking at Eren gently. He frowns at her and she gets her hand brushed off his shoulder.
“Yeah,” Eren concedes. Why did she always treat him like a child? “I’m not helpless,” he grumbles under his breath before both he and Armin return her farewell. She leaves in the opposite direction of the inn the boys had blocked rooms off for the night and Armin starts off without him as well. “Hey wait up,” he implores.
Armin doesn’t slow down. In fact he puts more effort in his steps to make it back to the rooms. It had hit him suddenly that they were alone. Left. Right. He heard distant voices but there was no one to be seen. A hand grabs his arm roughly and he jerks.
“I said wait up,” Eren almost yells, yanking Armin to a halt. “What’s your problem?” he questions. Armin’s eyes dart from left to right at the faint voices in the distance. He was looking for an escape. “Why are you avoiding me,” Eren finally has the courage to ask, being reminded that they were alone and that he should ask before the blond found a way to evade him again.
“I’m not,” Armin denies twisting his arm in Eren’s grip but it was useless. The touch burned and he didn’t know if it was from the friction or something else. He couldn’t be so close.
“Yes you are. Don’t lie to me. Just tell me and we can work it out,” Eren demands as he forgets his fears of actually not being able to work anything out if he was too aggressive. But being passive hadn’t worked for him either. A laugh floats to them through the air, warning them of others’ approach, and he feels Armin tug involuntarily toward the sound, needing to retreat to the safety in numbers. Eren growls. “Not this time,” he mumbles as he drags Armin into a nearby alcove formed by two buildings.
“Stop,” Armin objects. “What are you doing?” he struggles but he was no match for Eren and the boy proceeds to drag him into the little niche and around a corner where it was dark save for flickers of fire light reflecting on them. Eren boxes him in with his arms and Armin would have been scared if the fire didn’t accentuate Eren’s natural tan and leave him with a beautifully distracting glow. “Stop,” he whispers again but he could feel himself losing himself; losing the control he’d worked so hard for.
“I’ll let you go once you just tell me what’s been going on, but I’m not going to give you a chance to run off and surround yourself with people,” Eren explains leaning over the shorter boy. “If it was the mishap during the blizzard. It was a mistake and we can forget about it,” he reluctantly lies. It had been a mistake but he didn’t want to forget about it. But he’d lie if that meant the contention between them would lessen.
“No,” Armin puffs. “I can’t,” he breathes out barely audibly but even as the words escaped him he didn’t know if he meant he couldn’t forget, couldn’t tell Eren what was wrong or if he couldn’t control himself any longer. And as if the words were his last semblance of control he inclines his face upward, eyes fluttering shut, and cranes up the few inches between them to press his lips against Eren’s. A jolt of electricity passes through his core and for the first time in a while his mind was blank except for one thought. This feels good. He was pretty sure it was the alcohol talking but he didn’t care. It was nice to have just that singular thought as molten rock pooled in his loins. That is until firm hands grab his shoulders and thump him back against the wall behind him, prompting his eyes open as the contact at his lips vanishes. He stares into Eren’s conflicted eyes, body frozen, and his thoughts start going a mile a minute again, thinking, is he going to hit me? I hate myself for being odd, what have I done, he’ll hate me for... His mind short circuits again.
Eren yanks Armin back to his lips. It had taken his alcohol addled mind a moment to process that Armin just kissed him but when it did, the surge of passion he feels goes straight to his groin and he can’t help himself from wanting another. The force at which his lips collide with Armin’s bruises their lips for sure as he pulled him back into a searing kiss, his hands tightening around the boy’s narrow shoulders. He had to have more. So he takes it. He tickles his fingers up Armin’s neck, brushing the ends of blond hair he feels there back before grabbing the locks of hair to leverage Armin’s head back for better access to his mouth.
“Ow,” Armin groans, but even at the discomfort his knees go weak as he feels Eren’s tongue invade his mouth through the opening his protest of pain provided. The wet muscle probed his mouth, looking for its complement and when it found what it was looking for, Armin moans, widening his mouth as his tongue joins Eren’s in a competitive dance of control. He arches into Eren, trying to get some leverage back and return the kiss as he received it but he recoils from shock, breaking their breathless kiss, as he feels their erections press against each other. “Eren,” he gasps, puffing in both shock and excitement. He didn’t know what to think. The pleasure wouldn’t allow any coherent thoughts which left him confused. On top of that, Eren didn’t seem to want to give him any time to collect any thoughts either as he followed his body back with his own, using his hips to pin his body under his against the wall, crushing their erections back together.
Eren answers the call of his name with a guttural moan as his covered excitement makes contact with Armin’s body. He gyrates his hips to massage his manhood against Armin’s and the stifled cries he receives urge him on. As the blond melts at his touch, he fists his hand in Armin’s hair again and angles his head back once more before latching onto his neck and kissing him there. The pale column tenses but it’s only to let out an involuntary groan that has Eren’s balls clenching. “Fuck,” Eren swears, suddenly pushing back from Armin to loosen the tie on his pants.
“Eren,” Armin says again, but that was all that came out as he looks into dark lust filled eyes. He felt stupid not being able to voice more but his mind wouldn’t function. It couldn’t put together the simple questions he knew he should be asking. Were they supposed to be doing this? Did Eren know what he was doing? How far were they planning on taking it? Should he be allowing Eren to be unbuttoning his shirt? “Wha?” is the only question that leaves his mouth but there was no context and it’s lost in a moan as Eren slips a hand into his half unbuttoned shirt to grope at his chest, caressing calloused fingers over a sensitive nipple before palming the flesh there. He clenches his fists as his arms hung uselessly by his side not knowing what to do with them. Should he push Eren away or embrace the boy along with what was happening? He moans aggravatedly.
“Shh,” Eren hushes, meaning the sound to be more soothing than quieting as he leans into the blonde again before sloppily kissing him. He takes his other hand and retrieves one of Armin’s. The boy’s hands had been hanging by his sides since they’d started and he wanted to feel Armin’s soft hands on his skin. He parts from the kiss momentarily to repeat the shushing sound when Armin tries to recoil and steers Armin’s fingers to the hem of his pants. “Please,” he entreats, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against Armin’s.
Armin allows his hand to be guided into Eren’s trousers, the barely whispered word making him shiver. When his hand touches the damp mushroom of Eren’s manhood Eren hisses and Armin pulls back, afraid he did something wrong. His hand doesn’t get far as Eren holds it in place and encourages him to continue, raising his hips into the touch. He hesitantly touches the flesh again gliding his fingers over the crown exploratively before closing his fingers around the shaft and indulging the length prodding to be stroked. Eren encloses his hand around his and makes the grip firmer. As he let Eren fuck his hand he relishes the feel of the boy’s other hand caressing his torso thru his now fully open shirt. Fingers give one last pluck at his nipples before trailing down his stomach and sending tingles throughout his body. The hand travels lower and when fingers skim the band of his trousers Armin realizes they didn’t plan on stopping.
“Don’t,” Armin objects as Eren’s other hand slips into his pants. He didn’t want Eren to feel how excited he was. How wet with pre come he was already without even being touched. Eren doesn’t heed him and clasps a hand firmly around his member. He shudders and bucks forward, overwhelmed by the sudden pleasure and he is forced to admit that Eren’s hand on his hot skin feels better than his imagination led him to believe when he’d caved in the few times and pleasured himself to the thoughts of the boy now pressed against him. The admittance of the act he always rends from his mind immediately following his actions tears a gasp from his throat almost as violently as Eren’s hand cupping his balls does. “Eren,” he chokes out, feeling his orgasm approaching. This was going to end too soon.
“I know,” Eren coos. Even with Armin’s inexperienced hand stuttering over his length by itself now, he could feel himself edging closer. But he wanted to make the experience a little richer before it ended. Taking things back into his control, Eren spins Armin around and presses him against the wall before yanking his own pants down to his thighs.
“Eren?” This time there was a more urgent tone to his voice as he braces himself against the wall he was suddenly facing. His nails scrape gently as he clutches at the wood, trying to find purchase. Fear grips him but so does a feverish arousal as Eren pulls his pants down to pool around his ankles. He didn’t know if Eren was in his right mind and how far he’d take this but he doesn’t make any attempt to flee and only pushes back from the wall a bit to allow Eren’s hand back in between his legs to fondle him while the other found its way back to his chest. Clenching his eyes shut with a whimper, he anxiously awaits what’s next, but he inhales sharply at suddenly feeling Eren’s cock slip between his thighs and the tip nudging the back of his ball sacs. It’s a wholly new experience and he’s embarrassed to feel himself shuddering and coming soon after, as Eren jacked him off and thrust his rod between his thighs to caress under his balls. He wails out his climax and scarcely has the presence of mind to suppress the sound by biting a knuckle.
Eren feels Armin ejaculate all over his hand and continues thrusting himself between Armin’s thighs, the need to do the same consuming him. He buries his face in the blond locks before him and absorbs the scent he’d missed so much. The sweet musk fills him and sends him careening over the edge. He gives another throaty moan and rides out his orgasm, the delicious friction driving him crazy. His body finally stops spasming and he gives a contented sigh, feeling an easiness he hadn’t felt in ages. No worries occupied his mind though he vaguely knew they were still deep below the surface. Had this resolved anything? Did this make things worse? Had he finally lost it and this was all imagined? He sincerely hoped he wasn’t dreaming because it finally seemed like one of his dreams had come true and his fuzzy mind was content with letting him think about nothing except that notion. When he feels the body under him shift he turns his head to face Armin and sweeps damp bangs from the boy's face to see it more clearly and smiles. Armin was flushed and his eyes were heavy lidded from gratification. “You’re so pretty,” he sighs before resting his full weight against Armin, head on his shoulder, to bask in his own after orgasm euphoria.
Armin frowns in consternation as he slowly comes from his elation. Pretty?
***
‘Pretty,’ Armin hears, and looks up from the book he was reading. He falls into handsome teal eyes and almost forgets how to speak when he realizes who it is. The brunette before him smiles and Armin shakes himself from his stupor. “What?” he asks, not sure he’d heard right.
“I said you’re pretty,” Eren apparently repeats, looking down at the youth sitting on the steps by the river. He misses the confused look he receives. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you yesterday,” he continues and invites himself to a seat by the stranger. ‘Sorry,’ he hears mumbled. Eren chuckles. “Yeah, well you usually expect a thank you for saving someone, not them running away,” he jokes.
“Well I didn’t ask for your help,” Armin pouts, standing up hurriedly to leave. A hand grabs his.
“Wait,” Eren calls. “I didn’t mean any offense. I was joking.” He tugs on the kid’s arm. “Stay?”
Armin sits back down and looks doubtful. “What do you want?” he asks.
“Well do you wanna be friends,” Eren just comes out and says it. “I mean I have a sister your age,” he continues while averting his gaze. His cheeks heat up. “So it wouldn’t be just the two of us,” he explains at the skeptical look on the other’s face. “She was the girl with me yesterday.”
Armin grimaces. That girl was scary. He furrows his eyebrows at the rest of the boy’s words though. Why would it matter if it were just the two of them? It was that way now. And why was he blushing? Armin rolls his eyes. “Sure,” he answers finally, brushing off the weird behavior. It would be nice to have friends.
“Great,” Eren exclaims. He thrusts out a hand. “I’m Eren,” he greets.
“Armin,” Armin returns taking Eren’s hand to shake but when the boy pulls at it and brings it to his lips he snatches his hand away. “What are you doing?” he almost shrieks.
“Oh, sorry,” Eren flusters. “My dad does that to my mom all the time. He says it’s romantic and that romance is the way to any female’s heart,” he says rubbing the back of his head bashfully. “I’m sorry. I just think you’re really pretty and…” Eren trails off at the openly shocked face before him. “What?” he asks.
“I’m a boy,” Armin informs and watches Eren’s whole face turn red.
***
Bing. Bong. Armin jars awake and sits up. He has to grip at his head after. Ugh, my head. He pauses. That dream. He smiles through the pain at the fond memory. It was fond now because they had been able to laugh at it after, though he hadn’t found it amusing at the time. Neither of them did. He smirks and looks at the sheets covering him. How did I get back to the inn? He stops smiling suddenly as another memory assails him. His heart almost stops. What did I do last night? No; he knew what he did. The memory was almost too clear for the way his head was hurting him now and he feels his cheeks turn crimson. He’d let his emotions get the better of him but Eren had responded in kind. Could it be that all his worrying that Eren didn’t return his unusual feelings for his friend were all for naught. Did Eren like him? Was he just drunk? Maybe it was out of sexual frustration. His brain seizes in pain. He buries his face in his hands in irritation at his spinning thoughts. The end of his dream flashes through his mind again. Wait. Eren had thought he was a girl once before, what wouldn’t lead his intoxicated mind to think that again. Which meant… He looks up from his hands. The only one that went into that knowing what they were doing with another male was him. His distraught mind doesn’t even rebuff itself against the illegitimacy of that thought and he looks across the room. It was a lot smaller than the dorms but still fit five bunk beds. Eren was in a bed in the corner diagonal from his, sitting up and looking as confused and distressed as he felt. Armin knows the moment Eren figures out what went on the night before when the boy’s eyes search the room to find him and looks at him with an incomprehensible expression. He doesn’t stick around to figure it out. Climbing out of bed, he snatches his things and leaves the room.
In the bathroom, Armin quickly cleans up, changes and gets ready for the day. Maybe the sooner he started the sooner he could put last night behind him. But how long could he go without bumping into Eren? He exits the inn. Especially since he planned on joining the same regiment as him. And today they officially applied for their assignments. Maybe he would join the Garrison after all but what would happen to their dream. That is, if he hadn’t ruined his chances of attaining it with his friend already. He looks up at the sky woefully. The clouds that splotched the night sky before were completely gone now but with his brain conjuring new fears, doubts, and worries his mind was more overcast than ever.
A/N: Sorry for the delay but I was attacked by a very bad case of writer’s block. Thank you mistyhollowdrummer for the review which ultimately helped cure it. ^_^ And I hope you all forgive me. This chapter is like 3 in 1 as it’s three times as long as usual as a consolation.
As far as the story is concerned I hope I didn’t bog it down with too much unnecessary crap and hopefully made up for it at the end. Sorry if Mikasa was out of character or if her actions were a bit crass but I wanted to include her and try at some comedy as well since most of Mikasa’s and Sasha’s interactions are comedic. And Armin’s little freak out and thoughts are purposefully supposed to be confusing and I hope it came off that way—as they confused even me and I’m the writer—so don’t read into it too much. He’s going through some things. And I hope to give Eren’s perspective a little more in the next chapter. Liza is my creation and as far as I know there is no character in AoT/SnK by that name. If one is named in the future, it is purely coincidental. Anyways, until next time, which will probably be in two-three weeks since work is requesting more time of me. And fair warning, there will be spoilers up to episode 8 of the anime and chapter 9 of the manga. Thanks for all the follows/favorites and review if you have any thoughts/criticisms.
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