Memories Consume

Memories Consume:

Chapter three:

Ryuuichi's POV: Dream Sequence: This is Ryuuichi's dream sequence as he
remembers his past, so if it doesn't flow logically that's why.

In a room with dark walls, windows painted black, and various articles scattered
about, I stood, muttering to myself.

"He's late, he better get here soon or he'll have to wait until another day." I
stepped over to the bed, fresh black sheets, pillows a deep auburn, and lied
down. "I can't afford to forfeit the money though…"

Getting bored, I put on some music, trying not to think of the man I was waiting
for. Instead I focused on the room—the aura was cold, uninviting, though it
wasn't supposed to be—not for living in anyway.

A knock on the door attracted my attention, and I stopped the music before I
opened it.

"You're late again." I sighed when I saw who it was—a man dressed in black with
shoulder-length, white blond hair and deep brown eyes.

"Hey, I'm not as late as I usually am, so don't grimace—I like it better when
you smile."

Seeing his disapproving smirk and his hand stopping as it went to his pocket, I
smiled, making sure to narrow my eyes in the expression he went crazy for.

"That's my 'Chi-chan." He purred and leaned down to my neck.

Things blurred at that moment and I found myself in a different room, surrounded
by bright colors that had grown dreary over years of neglect.

I heard shouts coming from outside the door, vicious words exchanged by two
people oblivious to everything around them.

'Mom, dad, please stop yelling, you'll wake the baby.' I don't know if I
whispered that or only thought it—not that it mattered, no one would listen even
if they heard it. Sighing, I walked over to the makeshift crib where my little
sister slept, trying all I could to make sure she didn't awake.

The last thing I needed was her cries drawing our parents' attention into the
room. They didn't like being interrupted when arguing, I learned that lesson
early on in life. A lesson my sister had yet to learn, a lesson I refused to
have her suffer through if I could help it.

While I rocked her makeshift crib, I heard the voices become louder, then some
sharp thuds and slaps; I cringed at each sound, wanting to run out and stop them
from fighting, but needing to stay by my sister and protect her.

"Ryuuichi! Get out here, brat!" My father's gruff voice broke the silence after
the last thud sound.

Shaking I hurried to the door and into the hallway where I saw my mother sitting
on the floor sobbing, her face hidden from my view.

"Mother!" I made for her, tears beginning to form in my eyes.

"Get over here, brat. That bitch can take care of herself."

"But, father, please…."

"I said get over here." My father grabbed me and pulled me down the hall.

"What?" I recognized the look on his face, the room he was bringing me to and
blanched. "No! No! Father, please! NO!"

The sting of him striking my face silenced my protests, and he dragged me the
rest of the way in silence—quiet tears running down my face.'

End dream sequence

Once again everything blurred, this time fading to black as I heard someone call
my name and touch me gently on the cheek.

"Ryuuichi, time to wake up. I got a surprise for you." Tohma chirped, holding
back the sadness I knew was there.

Still dazed from my dream, I glanced quickly to the window, squinting my eyes at
the bright light shining through.

"It's morning. You've been asleep since after I left yesterday." Tohma placed a
food tray on the table next to my bed, his false smile on his lips.

"I'm not hungry, Tohma." I looked away from him and the food—truthfully, I was
hungry, I was always hungry, but I didn't have an appetite. I also couldn't
stand looking at that false smile.

"Ryuuichi, what's wrong? You're usually always excited in the mornings, even the
mornings after you…after these episodes."

"I don't want to talk about it, Tohma."

"Ryuu, if you don't talk about it, you'll never get better."

"Like you care." I couldn't help but mumble, bitter in the aftermath of the
dream.

"What? Ryuu! Of course I care! You're my best friend; I'll do anything for you.
Don't doubt our friendship ever."

"Then why are you giving me a false smile? Why are you hiding behind your mask?"

"Ryuu…." For once his trademark smile faltered, and he looked lost. "I…I don't
know what else to do, Ryuu." His eyes softened and he looked like he would cry.

"Tohma! I'm sorry; I don't mean to make you sad. I should deal with my problems
alone so you can be happy." I quickly repent my coldness, surprising myself at
how easy it was to project my naïve selfless persona even when I felt miserable.

"No, I'm not leaving you, Ryuu. I'm going to make sure you get the help you
need." Tohma serious tone surprised me with its suddenness. "I refuse to act
like I did those other times—"

"But Tohma…."

"Ryuu, I can't stop thinking about what would've happened if I didn't get to you
when I did. You got so close to dying, Ryuu…I can't…." Tears fell from my
friend's eyes, his lips trembling. "I can't hope things will get better on their
own anymore. I can't…."

"Tohma," I took a shuddering breath, on the verge of crying myself at seeing my
friend suffering so. "I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want this to
happen again, I don't…please, don't cry, I don't want to see you cry."

"Ryuuichi."

'If you don't want to see him cry, then why do you insist on living in your
lies?' The voice suddenly reared up, no longer silent. 'Why don't you confess,
and live the way you used to?

'Stop it. I don't want to listen to you anymore.'

'After all the times I helped you in life, this is how you treat me? I allowed
you the freedom of not remembering what that man did to you. Don't you remember
that? I allowed you to block what he did out, allowed you as normal a childhood
as you could've had.'

'I don't want to hear about that, please.'

'You need to though; you've been living too long in your lies. You need to admit
the truth, now; you need to admit what you were.'

'Stop it, I don't want to. I'm not…I never was…Shut up.'

'You were, admit it, you were a wh…'

'SHUT UP!' I almost shouted aloud, thrashing about as Tohma tried to calm me
down. His face fearful, arms trembling.

"Ryuuichi, god." Tohma took a deep breath after I settled down. "It was that
voice again, wasn't it? You zoned out again."

"Yes." My eyes were sore from the tears falling from them, my lips quivering
from fear of my own helplessness. "I don't want…I need Kumagoro…Tohma…."

"I guess I should show you your surprise then." Tohma reached down into a bag I
hadn't realized he brought. "I had K fix him up for you after I left yesterday."
He handed me Kumagoro, neatly stitched up and newly washed. "I knew you would
accept a new one—you've had this one for so long…."

I took the plushie from him, my lips quivering more as I studied the stitches so
carefully applied to Kumagoro's arms, left ear, across his stomach. 'God, did I
really hurt Kumagoro-chan?'

"Kumagoro, I'm sorry. I hurt you. I'm sorry, na no da." I hugged my plushie
friend, kissing him on the head, behind his ears.

'You should tell him.'

"What? Kumagoro…." I knew the voice wasn't Kumagoro's but it wasn't like the
voice from earlier. It was kinder.

'You need to tell him. He'll understand better if you tell him.'

"But…."

'You shouldn't keep secrets from friends, tell him.'

"I…Kumagoro…." I sighed and turned to Tohma, who looked at me curiously.
"Kumagoro says I should tell you more."

"More what, Ryuuichi?"

"More about my past…before I met you and Noriko."

"Kumagoro has always given you good advice, Ryuu-chan. So you should follow it."

"Okay…."