Super Lovers: Closer Than Ever | By : djserani Category: -Misc Anime > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 5361 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or world in Super Lovers and make no money from it. |
Shima moved his book aside as Aki flopped down onto the couch. His head sat just next to Shima’s leg as he looked up. He wore nothing but shorts and a T-shirt that was currently riding up, to Shima’s annoyance—because he didn’t need to see any more of Aki than he had to, thank you very much. They may be twins but there was still a difference between looking in the mirror and looking at the body he wanted to kiss and touch. Shima peered down at him. “What?”
Aki yawned and picked up his handheld game from the coffee table. “Long day,” he said as he flipped the system on.
“Busy?”
“Yeah,” Aki said, nodding. “There were a few really annoying girls too who would not leave until Haru talked to them personally. I thought Ren was going to kill them.”
Shima chuckled. “It’s a good thing he doesn’t work with the knives.”
“No kidding,” Aki said, grinning up at Shima. “A couple of them asked about you.”
Shima raised his eyebrows. “Me?”
Aki nodded. “Yeah.” He snorted. “‘Where’s the cuter twin?’ and ‘Isn’t your other brother here?’” He glared up at Shima. “You are not the cuter twin.”
Shima blinked down at him for a moment, doing his best to wrestle the ugly green monster in his chest back into place. It would do no good to be jealous over women flirting with his brother. Or, at least, it wouldn’t do any good to let that jealousy out. “Are you really that oblivious?”
Raising an eyebrow, Aki asked, “What?”
“I know you’re not stupid.” Shima shook his head. “They were trying to flirt with you.”
Aki scowled. “How is asking for you flirting with me?”
“We’re twins, Aki. If they’re going to call one of us cute, they think both of us are.”
Aki frowned for a moment. “Really?”
Shima rolled his eyes. “I swear, sometimes,” he muttered, shaking his head. “You really are hopeless with women.”
“That makes two of us. What about outright asking for you?”
Shima couldn’t argue that one the same way. Though… “I heard one of the women last weekend asking if we were like Ren and Haru.”
“What?” Aki looked like he was going to explode over that.
“What?” Shima asked, scowling down at Aki to hide the hurt from Aki’s reaction.
“What do you mean ‘like Ren and Haru’?”
“Um… I’d think that’s pretty obvious. What do Ren and Haru do a lot of?”
It was almost funny when Aki got it. His face cleared, his eyes widened, and he stared up at Shima so long, Shima had to fight hard against a blush that wanted to bloom. Because the mental images hit him hard of kissing Aki and holding him—because a hug wouldn’t stop at just a hug. He’d never be able to keep it as such. And if he started to kiss and hold, he’d never want to stop.
Aki blinked at him. “Huh. You really think so? Even though we’re twins?”
“Yeah, at least, that’s what they said. I didn’t hear the rest because I had to go pick up an order.” Shima turned his attention back to his book in an attempt to keep his own emotions off his face. Aki could read him too easily and considering his brother was watching him closely at the moment, there’d be no way to miss some of his feelings. He didn’t know exactly what was on his face, but whatever it was, it wasn’t the normal mostly-expressionless look he usually had. From behind his book, he added, “I did think I caught the word “twincest.” Probably something they’d read in a boy love novel, I’d guess.” He shrugged, but refused to look at Aki when he said it.
To Shima’s surprise, Aki didn’t answer. Shima peered over his book to see Aki had gone back to the game. He didn’t know what to do with Aki’s lack of reaction to the twincest thing. Probably disgusted. Shima swallowed at the stab that thought caused in the vicinity of his heart.
He didn’t think it was because they were guys or anything. They’d all long since accepted Haru and Ren’s relationship. No, Shima was pretty sure Aki’s reaction—or lack thereof—was about their own relationship.
Shima tried to let that go and went back to his book. A moment later, however, Aki started moving around, shaking the couch so much that Shima couldn’t read. When he looked down, it was to see Aki moving up and finally settling in with his head… propped on Shima’s leg.
“You know there are cushions for that.”
“You’re more comfortable,” Aki muttered more than said, once more focused on his game.
Shima shook his head and went back to his book, but he couldn’t begin to concentrate on it, with Aki laying against him. This wasn’t new, as he’d pointed out at the movie theater. They sat against each other all the time. But maybe because his feelings for his twin seemed to be getting more and more difficult to ignore, this seemed more noticeable somehow. He gave up trying to read, though he kept his nose buried in the book because he didn’t know what to feel first.
Happiness at Aki touching him? That Aki wanted to? Even if that was fairly normal, knowing his brother wanted to be against him felt good.
Jealous over the women flirting with Aki? He shouldn’t be for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was that they’d both dated, after all, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted Aki for himself, so their flirting was going to bother him.
Or hurt over the fact that Aki didn’t respond at all to the idea of them doing things together. Shima would have given just about anything for a single kiss. Sure they’d hugged over the years and they touched quite a bit—like right then with Aki’s head on his leg.
But that was, by far, not the same thing as what he wanted. Shima wanted it all. He wanted to be able to kiss Aki, touch him, make love to him. He wanted Aki by his side for the rest of their lives. He wanted…
He took a deep breath and tried, again, to read. There was comfort in the feel of Aki against him, even if it was just the minor touch it was. He focused on that, on the things he could have. With that thought in mind, he managed to get his attention back on the words on the page.
He didn’t notice when Aki fell asleep. It wasn’t until he’d gotten to the end of the chapter that he realized it. Shima put his book aside, then picked up the game system still on Aki’s chest, saved the progress, and set it aside, as well.
Peering down, however, he frowned. Aki’s head was still bent funny and if Shima didn’t do something, Aki was going to be in some serious pain when he woke up. He considered just working his way out from under Aki altogether, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, couldn’t let go of that bit of touch.
Instead, Shima managed to lean over and get a cushion from the other end of the couch. Carefully shifting Aki, he got it under Aki’s back so at least he was propped a little better. He mumbled something and turned, and Shima held his breath. His brother settled down again right away, though, and Shima slowly let out the breath.
He fought the urge to touch, he really did, but he didn’t often get to be with Aki unguarded like this. Swallowing hard, he brushed lightly at Aki’s messy hair. Sure, it was the same as his own, but it felt different. Like he’d thought before at looking at Aki’s body. It wasn’t the same as touching his own hair. On top of that, there was definitely a psychological element to it, because he was touching the one person he wanted most to touch in the world.
Shima brushed his fingertips over Aki’s cheek, then ran his fingers through Aki’s hair again. God, I love you. It was getting harder and harder the more they did together, the more time they spent together to keep his feelings contained. He wanted, so badly, to just walk up to Aki and simply get it out there, kiss him within an inch of his life and let the chips fall where they may.
Except he knew what would happen. If Aki didn’t outright hate him, they’d at least lose the close relationship they had. And as much as he wanted, a little desperately, to have Aki in his arms and in his bed, it wasn’t worth losing his brother altogether over it.
As he watched Aki sleep, he let himself think about their date the week before. He hadn’t exactly meant it to be that. He had made the conscious choice to wear the clothes and shoes he had. He had wanted to look good for Aki. But when he’d made reservations, when he’d chosen his clothes, he hadn’t exactly been thinking date. He’d just been thinking about giving Aki a nice evening.
“Surprised” didn’t begin to describe what Shima felt when Aki came down dressed as nicely as he had. The snug jeans hugged his amazing ass—which was, actually, a bit different than his own. Aki was a bit more active than he was and had the muscle tone to show for it. His well-fitting, button-down shirt showed just enough at the open neck to make Shima want to taste his skin and leave a nice series of marks. Then there was the combed hair and the scent of cologne. It took all Shima had to contain his reaction, though he was sure at least a little something came out.
And what was with the once-over Aki had given him?
Whether he’d meant it to be or not, their evening had certainly felt like a date. Even the train ride there, when he’d held Aki and calmed him down. It did good things to Shima to know he could do that, could calm his brother when others couldn’t. Then the walk to the restaurant had put things right back on track to feel like a date. From that point, everything did: from dinner, to how they sat at the theater including his arm around Aki, to the—god help him—cake on the footbridge in the park. The only thing that’d been missing had been a kiss at the end.
He’d listened as Aki walked down the hall to the room next to him. There’d been a pause outside his room and Shima couldn’t figure out what that’d been about. He’d been sitting in the dark on the floor just on the other side, his head back against the door, trying to figure out how to deal with the evening. His chest ached with the want to open that door, pull Aki in. His thoughts kept going back to the footbridge, to holding Aki in the theater, to the smiles and laughter at dinner. In all the dating he had done, none of it had been so… amazing.
The next morning had been a little awkward. He hadn’t slept well the night before, his imagination too vivid with what he’d wanted to do with Aki after the date. Shima did his best to try to just play it off and after the hesitant “good mornings,” they seemed to be okay. Still, Shima was more aware of Aki that day and even beyond into the week. On the train to school, at the cafe after classes. He’d always been able to pick Aki out of a crowd, always knew his voice, and was even somewhat aware of where he was when they were in the same place, even without hearing or seeing his twin. This was even more pronounced, though, and it drove him crazy. Eventually, he managed to let go of it and they were—mostly—back to having the interactions he expected.
And that was exactly why he couldn’t act on his feelings. When Aki rejected him, their relationship would go beyond damaged. Being together would be way more than awkward. And he couldn’t give up the closeness they did have for the scant possibility of more. He brushed at Aki’s hair again, trying in vain to get the lump in his throat to go away. His chest ached, though, and his stomach was doing some complicated twisting, making the attempt at getting rid of that lump difficult, at best.
He gave in just a little. He bent and buried his face in Aki’s hair, taking a deep inhale of his twin’s scent, then left a light kiss on his temple. “God, I love you,” he whispered, his eyes closing. He let his hand rest on Aki’s arm and after another inhale, sat back up, shifting just enough so he could lay his head back against the couch while not disturbing his brother. He struggled to keep the tears back, refused to give in, and he managed, if only barely.
Shima couldn’t resist wondering what it would be like if Aki returned his feelings. How would it feel to hold Aki in his arms, bury his face in Aki’s neck, kiss his twin’s lips? What would it be like to taste Aki’s skin, touch him everywhere… have the freedom to do so?
Would making love, filling Aki’s body, drive him completely crazy? The thought of Aki’s voice calling Shima’s name through orgasm made his heart pound and cock twitch. How would it feel to wake up every morning with Aki in his arms, and the ability to see that smile, one just for him?
He swallowed again, fighting, once more, the lump in his throat. He’d never know. He’d never get the answers to those questions. Those things weren’t and would never be, for him.
Someone else would taste Aki’s lips. Someone else would hold Aki in the night. Someone else would hear their name in his voice.
Someone else would have him by their side for the rest of their life.
“Hey Shima, can I ask you a question?”
Shima turned to look at Ren as he crossed the office to stand next to him. Please don’t be about sex. Please don’t be about sex. Please don’t be about sex. He was so not in the right frame of mind to deal with Ren’s obsession with learning about all things sex. “What’s that?”
“Do you love Aki?”
Shima was very, very glad he didn’t have a drink right then. He might have spit it all over the computer in front of him. He cleared his throat and thanked every god out there that he didn’t show a lot of emotion. He went with the obvious dodge. “Of course I do, he’s my brother, like you are.”
He gave Ren credit for not rolling his eyes. “That’s not what I mean.” The duh went unspoken, but Shima heard it loud and clear, anyway.
“What makes you ask that?”
“I saw you the other day when you were sitting on the couch.”
Well, shit. How the hell did he handle this? He didn’t want to lie to Ren. The kid had enough to deal with thanks to Haru’s constant waffling and ups and downs, so understanding romantic love was complicated at best for him, to begin with. At the same time, Shima had no idea how much he should—or could—say. He certainly couldn’t just play that behavior off. If Ren saw him kissing Aki’s temple, there was no way to call that brotherly love. He sighed. “Close the door?”
Ren did as he asked, then came back over, hopping up onto the counter. “So?”
Shima frowned as he considered his younger brother. “It’s not that simple.”
“What’s not simple about it?” Ren truly looked confused and Shima had to give him that.
“We’re brothers.”
“So are Haru and me.”
Shima was sorely tempted to bang his head on the desk. “Aki and I are blood brothers, Ren. Twins, in fact.”
“I know that. Why does that matter?”
Shima bought himself a moment by taking his glasses off and cleaning them. “There’s a difference in society between step-brothers or adopted brothers—which is still a problem for some people—and blood relatives.” He pushed his glasses back onto his face and looked up. “We’re not supposed to love blood relatives that way.”
“But… you’re both guys. Why does it matter?”
He had a point there, which was one of the things that always frustrated Shima. If they’d been opposite genders, it would have made more sense, especially if those siblings wanted to have children. But with same-sex siblings it didn’t make any sense to Shima. “This is an annoying answer, but the truth of it is, it just does matter.”
Ren apparently let that go. “You still didn’t answer my question.”
Shima stared at him for a long time, then sighed. He really couldn’t lie. “Yes, I do love him.”
“Like I like Haru?”
He couldn’t quite look at Ren when he answered. “Yeah. I’m in love with him.” He took a breath that wasn’t nearly deep enough.
“Does he know?”
Shima shook his head. “No, and I can’t tell him.”
“Why?”
“He wouldn’t want it, Ren. He… if he finds out, he might very well hate me.”
“He wouldn’t.” Ren sounded almost earnest, surprising Shima, since Ren was more expressionless than even he was. “He’d never hate you.”
In that moment, Shima wanted to believe that with every fiber of his being, but he knew better. He shook his head. “I don’t agree, but… Anyway, you can’t tell anyone else, either, even Haru.”
“Haru will figure it out eventually.”
Shima chuckled. “I love our older brother, but he is so oblivious about that stuff, it isn’t funny.”
“That much is true.” Shima winced at the tone in Ren’s voice.
“I’m so—”
“It’s okay.” Ren didn’t speak for so long after that, Shima was forced to finally look back up at him. “It’s dumb people would have a problem with it, but I won’t tell anyone.” He jumped down. “I don’t think Aki would react like that, though.” And with that, Ren left the office.
Shima stared after him a long time. As much as he wanted to believe Ren, he couldn’t. Ren couldn’t be right.
Believing that Aki wouldn’t hate him would only give him false hope and lead to a world of hurt… far worse than anything he was dealing with already.
Shima finished arranging his clothes in the washer, dumped in the detergent, and closed the lid. He set the temperature, load size, and time, then hit start. The dryer was still running and he frowned at it, but he’d just have to poke Aki to get his stuff out soon, so Shima could dry his own clothes. As he turned to go back up to his room, a bit of color caught his eye.
He leaned forward and saw a T-shirt had slipped between the washer and the wall. When he fished it out, he sighed when he realized it was Aki’s. He shook his head and sniffed it to see if it was clean or dirty.
The scent of his twin brother hit him hard. His cock when erect damned near instantly and he almost swayed with the punch of arousal. He leaned on the washer briefly to get his control before he did something seriously embarrassing right there in the laundry room. Keeping the T-shirt far away from his nose, he took a deep breath, then another, and finally managed to calm down a bit.
Shima stood there for a long moment while he gathered his wits again. The images in his head of smelling that directly from the source, his face in Aki’s neck, kissing, biting… was making it very difficult to think clearly. Finally, he was able to stand up and actually do something other than fantasize about his brother’s body.
He lifted the lid, intending to put the T-shirt in with his own wash, but he hesitated. He couldn’t believe what he was thinking about doing, but the temptation was too great. Wadding the T-shirt into a small ball, he closed the washer lid then peered around the doorway. The shirt was obviously Aki’s, so there was no way for him to explain why he’d have it. Thankfully, no one was in the living room. Doing his best to not look conspicuous, he hurried up to his room and shut the door behind him, leaning back against it.
His heart was pounding. He was being ridiculous. This might just make him a candidate for true pervertedness, but he just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. He flipped the lock on his door, then flicked open the button on his pants and had his cock in his hand seconds later. Then, he buried his nose in the T-shirt again and inhaled deeply.
Oh fuck. Aki’s scent made the arousal hit again, just as hard as before, and his cock—still erect from the laundry room—twitched, leaking precum. Shima didn’t let himself think about it, he simply started moving his hand over the length, slowly at first. He gathered the precum, spreading it over the tip as he stroked himself.
Footsteps sounded in the hallway, making Shima pause. He listened carefully, but they passed by without stopping. Breathing a small sigh of relief, he got himself away from the door and moved over to his bed. He opened the drawer of his bedside table and took out the small bottle of lotion he kept there for that precise reason, then pulled his pants down over his ass for better access to his cock. Finally, he settled back on his bed, a dab of lotion in hand and his nose once more buried in Aki’s scent-filled T-shirt.
He wrapped his lotion-covered hand back around his cock and couldn’t completely stifle the moan at the feel of it. Closing his eyes, he brought the image of Aki’s naked body into his mind. He’d caught the sight a couple of times when Aki had forgotten to lock the bathroom door and had left it open slightly. Shima had started to walk in when he saw Aki in the shower and the sound of the water registered.
He wasn’t even remotely ashamed to admit he’d taken a few seconds to get an eyeful before he left. Now, he firmly put that image in his head of the water running over his brother’s body and started stroking himself. He went slowly though, wanting to stretch it out, make it last. The smell in the T-shirt certainly wouldn’t, so he wanted to make the most of this.
“Aki,” he whispered into the shirt, his hips moving a little as he thrust into his hand. The lotion made his hand slide damned near perfectly over his cock. As the pleasure grew, he imagined pushing into Aki’s body, his twin’s ass tight around his cock. The mental image made him groan—probably too loudly—but he couldn’t help it.
His hips moved faster, without his permission. He matched the pace with his hand as he stroked his cock and imagined thrusting into Aki. In his fantasy, Aki arched his back in pleasure, and the vision was almost too much. Shima gripped his cock hard, pinching it at the base to stave off the orgasm. He wasn’t ready, didn’t want to come yet. He didn’t get a lot of chance to do this without one of his brothers walking in. But Ren and Haru were out and Aki was studying in his own room, or was the last time Shima checked.
So, he let his hand start moving again and as soon as he did, Shima knew the too-short break wasn’t going to be enough. He groaned as the pleasure picked up where it’d left off, his balls already drawing up. The orgasm screamed up on him and he couldn’t quite stop the groaned, “Oh god.” Still, he managed to hold off just a little longer, savoring it a little more before he lost it. The pleasure hit, his vision went white, and he let out a muffled, “Aki!” into the shirt. He stroked his cock through the orgasm, stretching the pleasure out as much as he could. Cum covered his T-shirt and hand, then finally the orgasm faded.
He lay there for a long moment, his breath coming in gasps, his heart pounding. That had been one of the most intense orgasms he’d ever had.
And yet… all he could think about was how… empty it’d been. He wiped his hand on his own T-shirt, pulled it off and tossed it aside, then rolled onto his side and curled up. He wrapped his arms around the T-shirt, holding his twin’s scent close to him, wishing with everything in him it was his brother’s body, not just a tiny ball of fabric.
His heart pounded, his chest ached, and a new lump formed in his throat. Before he could even fight them, tears leaked and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to deny their existence. If he could, if he could convince himself they weren’t there, he could pretend his chest didn’t hurt and his heart didn’t feel like it was going to… explode or shatter or just die.
This was getting ridiculous. If he didn’t find a way to put these feelings for his twin brother away, it was going to break him. How much longer could he do this? How much longer could he ache for Aki before it just tore him apart?
He buried his face in the T-shirt once more and pushed those questions away. Somehow, the ache and longing seemed better than losing this love for his brother altogether. He just couldn’t let it go. Something deep inside him whispered to him that he couldn’t, that this part of him would always be there. He just hoped it wouldn’t eventually ruin what he did still have with his brother.
Because he wasn’t sure he could survive losing Aki altogether.
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