Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

My Sun, My Supernova	By : ditchgospel Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 3283 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 29
- 30
- 31
My Sun, My Supernova

Chapter 30

Sweet Surrender

Blood and pain. Trauma and tragedy. The scars are there, within the once-high
soul of an exiled god, punished with death by the very Heavens who bore him and
which he served throughout his tediously divine existence.

These scars are still fresh, still tender, and are carried as
fear.

XXX

Morning arrives rain free, and Konzen awakens with a welcome lifting of the
fog of confusion from the night before. Now, he understands all too clearly the
explanation of present circumstances that Goku drills him with, and Goku's
request for his help. However, his answer is a flat, uncompromising refusal to
participate in the scheme.

For one thing, he does not like the idea of doing anything on Heaven's
demand. Not to mention the fact the idea of engaging in any battle is absolutely
deplorable to him. Bloodshed, killing, dying... He's had enough of it all.

But Goku is persistent.

The two stand facing each other directly, each refusing to back down from
their own side of the argument. Words are becoming repetitive, voices growing
louder. Tempers are rapidly on the rise as well, and Goku's frustration is close
to bursting. When he does burst, it happens so fast it takes them both by
surprise.

Within seconds, Konzen is knocked off his feet and forced to the dusty floor,
his arms pinned uselessly at his sides. Goku glares down at him.

"You will help me. Say it. Say you'll help me, Konzen. If you don't,
I'll have to... I'll..."

Konzen returns the glare in cold accusation, and Goku's anger
suddenly dissipates as he realizes his guilty position. Quickly, he releases his
captive and scrambles away, leaving Konzen free to gather his dignity, stand,
and march right out of the hut, slamming the door impetuously on his way
out.

A moment later, Goku follows, subdued and shame-faced. What greets him
outside is nothing but a disagreeable scowl and two stiffly crossed arms.

Goku sighs, trying to look as harmless and as endearing as possible, but
Konzen just turns his back in silence. Goku approaches slowly and lets a hand
run soothingly down the tense muscles of Konzen's back. He knows Konzen
likes his touch, when it's gentle, and he feels sorry that he upset him
by getting a little rough. He puts all his apology into an embrace, slipping his
arms around Konzen's waste. After a moment, he feels Konzen relax, and he sighs
in relief, his own anger likewise sobered up.

"Konzen, just stop being so stubborn."

Konzen smiles mirthlessly at the idea.

"Stubborn? Ha, this isn't stubborn, Goku. This is defiant.
Heaven had me executed, murdered in the very midst of what is supposed to
be sacred. I will not do Heaven's bidding now. I will not."

"Then, I guess that's why you're so afraid, huh? Because of what happened..."

"I'm not afraid. I'm angry."

"No, you're afraid. You can't hide it from me, Konzen. Besides, you even told
me yourself, remember? That's why you won't help me. You're afraid of dying
again. You're afraid of gettin' hurt. That's why you're so afraid of
blood."

"Shut up. I'm not afraid of..."

Speaking of the devil, dread and disgust swallow his denial as something wet
and warm begins to ooze down his face. Goku's nose twitches, and he easily turns
Konzen around to face him. The sight of the blood, bright crimson contrasting
attractively with fair skin and moistening Konzen's lips, has Goku transfixed
despite himself.

"Umm... your... your nose is bl..."

Konzen stumbles against Goku suddenly as faintness and nausea hit. Goku
catches his fall and helps him to sit against the wall of the hut. Still shaking
and queasy, Konzen squeezes his eyes shut and presses his lips tightly together
lest the scarlet flow find its treacherous way between his lips. The mere
thought of the sickening coppery taste is enough to fill him with mortal, morbid
dread.

Goku leans in close to whisper in Konzen's ear, his concern tainted by something much darker and impossible to resist .

"It's just blood, Konzen. You don't need to be afraid of it. It's a
part of you. It's beautiful. It's real and alive, and..."

Konzen whimpers softly in protest when he feels the tip of Goku's tongue
trace over his bloodied lips. Konzen opens his eyes to meet the heated cauldrons
of Goku's gaze, a gaze cast into bronzed shadow by the alluring fall of his
hair. Goku runs his tempted tongue over his own lips in sinful appreciation of
the taste of blood.

"Sanzo's not afraid of blood."

Konzen turns his face to the side in distaste at the sudden mention of his reincarnation.

"Sanzo? Sanzo's fucked in the head. Of course he's not afraid of it.
He likes it. He likes his violence so much, he fucking tortures
himself just for the hell of it. Doesn't he? The sick freak likes pain so much,
this is what he does."

Konzen pushes up his sleeves, extending scarred arms for Goku to see as
evidence of his precious Sanzo's violent tendencies.

Without pause, Goku grabs both arms by the wrists, earning an angry glare
from troubled eyes. His hands apply pressure until the glare breaks, cracking
like glass and revealing the softer layers behind the icy facade. Still the
bruising grip does not lessen.

"Don't you ever, ever talk about Sanzo like that. This is Sanzo's
body, so what he does with it isn't any of your business. Got it?"

Konzen breath freezes in his lungs, Goku's harsh words stinging enough to
leave him momentarily stunned, his hands already numb from the lack of
circulation caused by Goku's punishing hold. Konzen slumps his shoulders
miserably, a weak whisper falling brokenly from blood-smeared lips.

"You're... hurting... me..."

Goku nearly wants to turn the punishment against himself when he realizes
what he's doing, what he's just said. His attitude softens immediately, and
melts into liquid warmth, an affection as sweet as golden honey.

Goku knows... it's the sweetness that Konzen craves to chase the darkness
away.

But even as Goku tenderly massages Konzen's numb hands and kisses his bruised
wrists, a strange, dark confusion gathers inside him and twists his mind away
from comforting thoughts.

"You taste good, Konzen, but... it's Sanzo's taste, isn't it? I guess... I
guess I'll never know what you really taste like. Maybe it's the same.
But... I wonder what a god would taste like? It couldn't be this good, 'cause gods
aren't really alive, are they? Not if Heaven's as boring as you say it
is. Konzen? Would you taste as perfect as Sanzo does?"

Goku stares thoughtfully at Konzen for a moment, and then kisses him lightly
on the lips.When he again brushes his lips against Konzen's wrist, the contact
leaves a thin streak of blood behind.

"Look, Konzen. It looks so pretty, red on white. Sanzo knows all about
pain. Me and him, we... we tasted each other's pain."

Konzen leans his head against the wall, sickened by the supposed
prettiness of this misery.

"I'm... not... Sanzo."

Goku looks deep into his eyes for a long moment.

"No. You're not."

With these words, Goku lets Konzen's hands drop from his,and stands. He looks
down at Konzen for a moment longer, a strange, unreadable expression on his
face. Then he turns, and heads back into the hut without a backwards glance.
When the door shuts quietly behind him, Konzen's world collapses. Left alone for
the first time in this strange new life, with the horrifying red of his own
blood - Sanzo's blood - continuing to leave his body - Sanzo's
body - at a slow, steady trickle, he has never felt so dejected, or so
alone.

He is not Sanzo, and Goku - Sanzo's Goku - has abandoned him.

XXX

Although Konzen's divine soul recovered quickly from the effects of the
spiritual attack, his human body still suffers, and the internal hemorrhaging
caused by the psychic invasion has not ceased. The result is a slow, steady
flow, draining down his chin into a sticky, bloody mess. Even his sleeves are
stained dark red from his futile attempts to wipe the blood away.

Time passes like a nightmare in slow motion, as he remains slumped in a
light-headed daze against the wall outside. Eventually, at the point when he
starts to fear that he might die here, bleed to death all alone, a shadow
crosses his face, blocking the sun. Hope rises in his heart as he opens his
eyes, his lips shaping a name.

"Goku?"

But what he sees is not Goku, come to ease his suffering at last.

His eyes widen in shock.

For, looming and leering over him, are four very nasty looking demons
indeed.

XXX

Inside the hut, Goku welcomes the temporary escape of sleep, letting it's heavy shroud subdue the menacing shadows swirling in his mind. In sleep, he hides himself away from violent impulses and a bloodlust he cannot seem to control. He had turned on Konzen today, hurt Konzen, and he is ashamed, confused, afraid.

When he awakens suddenly, his heart pounding, he knows something is terribly wrong.

Konzen is in danger.

In an instant, the haven of sleep is shrugged away and abandoned as he charges outside to confront the danger, flinging open the door so hard that it rips right off of its flimsy hinges. The
sight that greets him is not a pleasing one, and Goku is beyond
pissed.

The demons gape at him stupidly, one of them having gone so far as to dare to
grab Konzen by the hair as they toy with him, yanking his head back in the
process so that the blood is forced to run down his throat. Apparently, the
beasts find it entertaining to watch a sick, defenceless human choke on
his own blood.

The demons snicker and grin with cruel intent, already forgetting about the incident with the door now
that they are faced with Goku's non-threatening appearance. One opens its mouth, and words
in a language Goku does not understand spill forth. Goku does not care, for he
knows another language, and one that does not make use of words.

Goku growls.

"Konzen's mine."

To Konzen, this claim is music to his ears.

Rowdy laughter erupts amidst the creatures, as they make fun of the foreign tongue. But the laughter dies in their throats as Goku launches his attack. Within moments, the demon once
holding Konzen no longer has a mouth at all, his face crushed to a pulp.

Goku, his fist covered in gore, smiles charmingly at the remaining three
demons, standing protectively over his own living treasure.

XXX

When it ends, Goku is once again covered from head to toe in red.

He approaches Konzen, dragging one surviving demon along by the hair. Goku
smiles, his teeth shining miraculously white through a face splashed with blood.

"This one's for you."

With one hand, Goku pulls the banishing gun from its safe place in the waistband
of his jeans, holding it out to Konzen.

"Here, take it. You can't let these guys get away with messin' with you
like that. So I saved this one for you."

Konzen can only stare at the gun in horror, his head spinning in a dizzy
haze.

"Come on, Konzen."

Goku waves the gun a little, trying unsuccessfully to get Konzen to take it. Finally he
just shoves the demon to the ground, pinning it there with one foot as he physically places the gun into Konzen's hand, pressing the muzzle against their
attacker-turned-victim's head.

"Konzen, come on, just pull the trigger. It's easy."

Konzen turns his head away, his hand shaking violently as Goku steadies the
gun in his grip. Seconds pass one by one, and at last Goku shakes his head in
disappointment, before, without warning, forcing Konzen's finger down on the
trigger.

A spray of blood splatters up into Konzen's face as the demon is put to
death.

Goku lets Konzen's hand slip off of the weapon, and waits until he finishes
getting sick all over the red-stained ground, before helping him up and away
from the mess.

"You shoulda shot the bastard. Sanzo woulda shot 'im. He's not afraid
to fight. He's not afraid to kill if he has too. Sanzo..."

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up. I'm not Sanzo.I don't know how to
live in his world. I... Will you... I need you to teach me, Goku. Teach me how to
live with pain."

Konzen is almost sobbing, his face streaked with blood and tears.

"Goku... help me... Please."

He looks such a pitiful sight that Goku can't help but hold him and comfort
him, but when Konzen tries to turn the embrace into an urgent kiss, Goku refuses
to participate in the desperate touch.

"No."

"Why?"

"I belong to Sanzo, now."

The deep hurt in Konzen's eyes almost makes Goku change his mind. Sanzo
hadn't asked him to promise anything, but Goku feels that he owes it to Sanzo to
keep their agreement, to make up for a real promise that went horribly
wrong.

"I'm sorry, Konzen. But it's okay. I love you, too. It's just...
different. It's like... you'll always be my sunshine, but... I'm
only supposed to have one sun."

"Goku..."

"But I'll still teach you. I wanna show you Sanzo's world. And if I do, then
you've gotta help me, too.You gotta come help me fight."

"Sanzo's world... it hurts, doesn't it? Then show me. I want to share it with
you, Goku. I want you to... I want you to teach me pain."

Goku stands solemnly, and returns to the nearby demon dead. He bends down,
retrieving some object from the ground. When he straightens, he holds a knife in
his hand, the blade glittering silver in the sunlight.

XXX

When Goku sits across from Konzen and offers him the blade, Konzen shakes his
head, unable to conquer his fear.

"No. You. You do it."

Goku nods.

"Okay. Hold out your wrist."

Konzen complies, and watches in frightened anticipation as Goku slices the
edge neatly across his skin, leaving a deep, stinging cut in its wake. Konzen
gasps and tries to draw away, but Goku gently captures his hand and brings the
fresh wound to his lips, carefully lapping up the blood. Konzen watches for a
moment, torn between conflicting feelings of horror and hope.When the sharp pain
fades to nothing more than a pleasant tingle, he leans back against the wall and
relaxes into the endorphin high, pain and pleasure mixing together to dull the
hurt of jealousy, rejection, and fear.

When the wound stops providing much more for him, Goku releases Konzen's hand and picks
up the knife again.

"Your turn, Konzen."

Konzen watches as Goku draws the blade slowly over his own wrist. When
finished, he holds his hand up, letting the blood drip freely onto the ground.
Suddenly feeling denied his right to participate, Konzen grasps Goku's arm impatiently,
and tastes his monkey's blood for himself, letting it coat his tongue and slide
thickly down his throat.

Somehow, with a control born of desperation, he forces back the urge to vomit. To do so now would only threaten his chance at sharing this connection with Goku.

He will take any connection with Goku that he can get, even if it is a
twisted bond of blood.

Goku locks eyes with Konzen as the blond continues to suck delicately and sensually
at the wound. Be it right or wrong, Goku can't help but feel satisfied and content. He was able to help Konzen after all, and now, there's only one more thing he needs.

"So, will you help me fight?"

Konzen nods his agreement, and closes his eyes, concentrating on his task. He
will do whatever it takes to keep Goku. Even if it means he must learn to
embrace Sanzo's terrifying world.

Even if it means he must try to become Sanzo.
- 29
- 30
- 31
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

My Sun, My Supernova