Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Fifty Days	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > Het-Male/Female > L/Misa Views: 2868 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 29
- 30
- 31
CHAPTER 30: Broadcast III
L continued hoarding the one question Ryuk would certainly allow him, saving it and trying to trick smaller answers out of Ryuk whenever he could.
Ryuk wouldn't say anything about the theory that a shinigami other than Rem had killed Misa's stalker, but he did sometimes let slip little details about the shinigami world or about things Light hadn't told L.
L had the feeling that he could grasp a tremendous, powerful secret if he simply asked the right question, which made him even more reluctant to ask that question until after he'd performed as much research as possible, or until an emergency happened. It was too valuable an opportunity to waste.
L waited to see whether any possible accomplice to Mikami would act, and he waited to see if the rioters that attacked the NPA's headquarters would die. He interviewed every single friend and acquaintance of Mikami, and in turn even those people's friends and acquaintances.
L prepared for the worst with Misa. He developed a number of alternative plans for fleeing with Misa, selecting and interviewing criminals who had been sentenced to death and setting them up for the possibility of playing various roles that would probably get them killed by Rem.
For a few of the roles that were too sensitive for criminals who might decide to run for freedom instead, L recruited agents from the FBI and elsewhere, explaining that this was a suicide mission and, if called to action, there would be a very low chance of survival. From the resulting pool of volunteers, L further weeded out every single person who had a family. He didn't want to leave bereaved loved ones behind.
L ended up with five major plans for fleeing with Misa under different scenarios, and each of those plans had at least three variations.
Once the preparations were mostly in place L took Matt aside and gave him a serious talk on what he should do, as the only team member unknown to Rem, if one of the "fleeing with Misa" plans had to be implemented.
Matt's eyes, just barely visible behind his goggles, got wide for a moment as L said, "If that happens, you should consider me to be your enemy. I can't be controlled into writing your name or otherwise killing you, but I can be controlled into betraying you, such as telling them how to find you or setting traps to lure you in. If I run, send the signal that burns both notebooks, warn Roger immediately, and get away as fast as possible. I know you can hack into the safe with the emergency cash. Don't hesitate to take all of it. Keep my intelligence in mind, and as you run and hide do not do anything that I would expect."
Matt said, "But that's... how could I hide from you?"
L said, "I believe you can do it, if you prepare now. Think of every trick you possibly can, and keep those tricks to yourself, never telling anyone. You probably have at least a week before I will do anything that would provoke Rem."
In reality, it was nearly two months later before L dared to make a move against Rem. He kept thinking of exactly what to do, and how to do it, but it was always so easy to delay a little longer, to gather more information, to make further preparations and deductions.
In the meantime, L put enormous effort into reducing Rem's suspicion. He visited Misa approximately every other day, and as soon as Misa wasn't quite so exhausted all the time, he usually stayed for an hour or two on each visit. Yumiko was also there most days, and she stayed for many hours longer than L, often not leaving until the staff kicked her out.
When L asked her about it, she muttered, "It's the only advantage to working for relatives. If there's a family emergency, you can get as much time off as you want."
Yumiko was at least slightly drunk more often than not, and it actually made her less abrasive. Sober Yumiko tended to be jittery, aggressive and full of accusations, but drunk Yumiko was quiet, a little sad, and even, at times, friendly. L could easily see why alcohol was so attractive to her.
Dealing with Misa was easier once L retreated into fantasies again. He imagined Misa was someone else as he held her hand, as he talked to her, as he looked into her eyes.
L pretended that Misa had somehow been replaced by a different person during her coma. It helped that Misa was uninterested in everything, that she didn't try to kiss him, that she rarely went so far as to even snuggle into his arm, and that she spent so much time simply staring at the wall.
L's nausea returned frequently, but it was tolerable. He forced himself to endure it, to never throw up. L was immensely grateful that Misa didn't show any signs that she wanted to initiate sex, and he was glad that multiple other people were usually present, forming a barrier to intimacy. He sometimes kissed her, but never on the mouth, only on her hand, the side of her face or the top of her head.
Her face was more difficult to read now that half of it was paralyzed. L found himself struggling as never before to gauge her moods, to predict her actions, to figure out just what it was that Misa wanted. Other than death, that is. It was very clear that Misa had not changed her mind about her wish to die.
Her suicide attempts were regular, almost predictable, about once a week. She was sneaky enough that she might have succeeded with them except for Rem. The hospital staff tried hard, but only Rem was ceaselessly watching Misa with an inhuman level of attention at all times.
Even under Rem's watch, Misa had once managed to injure herself with one of her attempts. She had secretly stolen a paperclip, unraveled it with her hand hidden under her blanket, sharpened the end, and when the hospital workers all chanced to turn their backs at the same moment, stabbed herself in the neck. She hit the jugular vein precisely, but was attended to moments later by the workers present, so she had been in no danger of serious harm. It ended with just a couple of stitches and a bandage on her neck, a grisly reminder.
Misa's disgust with her own life, her indifference and her generally uncooperative nature made L's job of giving Rem the wrong impression easier. When L was sure Misa wouldn't actually do anything, it was safer to encourage her, to tell her that things would be okay if she just used a little hope, to try to convince her to go along with her therapists, to appear to be concerned, to pour into his tone of voice all the pity that he truly did feel for Misa. She was a pathetic, miserable, frail little thing. It would be impossible to feel no pity for her.
It was obvious that Misa hated her doctors, nurses, therapists and all the hospital staff members. She was uncooperative in the extreme, throwing frequent tantrums, needing to be coaxed and goaded into participating in speech therapy and various medical evaluations. She was put on anti-depressants and forced to see a psychiatrist four times a week, but her mood didn't improve much.
L was genuinely surprised that Misa obeyed him more often than she obeyed anyone else, and he was constantly trying to guess why, trying to gauge her motivations from her new much-harder-to-read face. He even tried directly asking her, but with her language issues and uncaring attitude it was extremely difficult to extract any information.
Misa understood most of what was said to her. Her comprehension was reduced from that of a normal person, but it wasn't radically impaired. Speaking more slowly and clearly did not help and only made her angry, but speaking at a normal speed with gaps between sentences helped. She had to think about what was said, to process it, before moving on to the next thing. There was always a pause before she responded to a command or acknowledged that she'd understood.
Outgoing communication was a different issue altogether. Misa had great difficulty with speaking, and her embarrassment over the garbled babbling she usually produced only made the issue worse. She was clearly ashamed and she tended to be silent and uncooperative towards the speech therapists brought in to help her, preferring to try to get her ideas across by pointing or elaborate gesturing.
Writing was also a great difficulty. Misa had forgotten the meanings of written words. She could copy kanji by looking at them, but seemed unaware of what they meant or how to assemble them into sentences, and while writing she usually had to glance back at whatever she was copying to get it right.
Misa's doctors were surprised that Misa had a much easier time with writing names than anything else, but only the names of people who were actually present or those she had photos of. They were also mystified that Misa sometimes wrote numbers after those names. L made a habit of putting his hand down and stopping Misa when she tried to write the numbers. He didn't want to know anyone's fated day of death, especially not Watari's. It was too cruel. As long as you didn't know, choice still remained, even if it was an illusion, but if you did know you were locked into an inescapable fate. Misa seemed to know that L's own name was off-limits and she never even tried to write it.
L was there when Misa said her first actual word. She looked straight at L and said, "Sushi."
It was nothing like her usual garbled messes that didn't even seem like words. It was clear and precise, the pronunciation nearly perfect except for a slight flaw induced by the droopy side of her mouth.
L immediately sent for fifteen different kinds of sushi, and Misa selected one kind, eating it with exaggerated excitement and pointing at it emphatically until L sent for even more.
Misa's words were sporadic and unpredictable, and they rarely lined up in anything resembling a sentence. She either made noises that were almost non-verbal or she spoke clear words, there was nothing in between. Her moments of speech often surprised even her.
Sometimes she could deliberately produce words when using enough intense concentration, and other times she failed again and again, only to perhaps succeed at a later time without even trying. She didn't try often enough to satisfy her therapists. They were constantly complaining of her uncooperative nature. She was sometimes even physically violent with them, slapping, biting and clawing.
Early on, Misa had been presented with photographs of nearly everyone she knew, to try to gauge the full extent of her brain damage and see if there were any memory impairments. Misa indicated that she knew all of the people she'd been shown, and when she came to a photo of Light she became extremely emotional and fiercely possessive of it, refusing to give it back.
Yumiko noticed and obtained more photos of Light. L was glad that it was Yumiko and not himself facing the surviving Yagami family members and asking for pictures of Light. L did not want to ever meet with Sayu or Sachiko. He felt almost entirely at fault for the mistakes that had led to Soichiro's death.
Light's photos were some of the rare things that could make Misa briefly pleased, though they also made her cry. Misa made a little shrine to Light on a small table in her room. She wasn't allowed picture frames because of the glass, but Yumiko helped Misa to create makeshift frames with paper, clear plastic and glue, so all the photos could be propped up and protected from dust.
Misa's attitude toward the shrine to Light allowed more deductions into her inner beliefs than her face did. With the shrine, she was reverent, guilty, sad, and angry all at once. As L observed her, he supposed that Misa had decided she was personally unworthy of Light's love, to blame for the way he'd died, and not suitable as his successor to the Kira role.
L had trouble deciding how Misa viewed the entire Kira scheme. There were still two possibilities. One was that she felt unable to perform the role herself but thought someone else such as Mikami should. The other possibility was that everything she'd been through and the shock of realizing how many children she'd orphaned by killing off Hideki Ryuga's servants had made her decide the entire Kira scheme was a bad idea.
It was too sensitive a topic to ask Misa directly, with Rem hovering nearby all the time. Instead, L waited and watched, always calculating, trying to see how he could turn Misa into an advantage instead of a liability. It had been possible to use her against Higuchi, and she could still fulfill a role in events to come. If Misa felt guilty and unworthy enough, it might even be possible to convince her to willingly go to trial, and to get her to convince Rem to not kill.
As L waited and built his plans, he tried to walk the fine line between low-consequence actions with Misa that would convince Rem that there was some genuine affection between them, and high-consequence actions that would leave him drowning in nightmares every time he tried to sleep. The entire process was a strain and not quite perfect. Rem didn't seem to notice the flaws in L's act, and L wasn't sure whether Misa did, but Yumiko noticed it somehow.
Once, when L had just let go of Misa's hand and felt a flood of relief move through him, Yumiko quietly said, "You're afraid of her, Ryuga, aren't you? You've always been afraid of her. What did Misa do?"
Misa walked to the little shrine, her right arm dangling lifelessly at her side, and tapped one of Light's photos with her left hand.
Misa said, very emphatically, "Killed him. Killed him."
Yumiko's eyes widened. She approached Misa with apprehension showing on her face, grabbed Misa's shoulders and in a soft, dangerous-sounding voice said, "Who killed him? Who killed Light?"
Misa tapped her own chest.
Yumiko's voice got even quieter as she said, "No, you wouldn't! Not you. I know you."
Misa said, "I... kill."
Rem was looking very worried.
L said, "Misa, you're confused. Light's death wasn't your fault. He committed suicide because of me. I am the one to blame."
Misa turned suddenly and slapped L's face so hard that his head snapped to the side and even his neck felt the twisting impact.
L could almost feel a phantom presence of the restraints on him once again, and he wanted to scream. Before he knew it he had backed up into a wall and there, desperately overwhelmed by the need to run but having to go close to Misa to get to the door, he instead slid down the wall and curled up on the floor.
Clutching his legs and arms close to his body brought only a little of his equilibrium back. He breathed slowly, deliberately, trying to calm down, hiding his face between his arms, blocking out any sight of Misa.
He felt a hand on him then, petting his shoulder and his side. He tried to make himself believe it was Yumiko, but in the next instant he heard Misa's voice babbling from close by and it ruined the illusion. Misa let out a wordless murmuring with a soft tone that sounded as if it were meant to soothe. She stroked with her hand gently, delicately, as if petting a fragile baby kitten.
I can't react too badly to this, or Rem might start getting suspicious again.
L tried to endure it quietly but his body was betraying him, first with a light shivering and then with increasingly violent tremors.
Yumiko suddenly said, "Misa, what the hell are you doing? Leave him alone. He's so frightened he's shaking."
Misa's hand went away, and L ventured to lift his head just slightly, peeking out at the room between a tangle of his arms and his hair fallen into his eyes.
He saw Yumiko having pulled Misa away by a firm grip on her elbow, and Misa with tears streaming down her face.
Does Misa realize she raped me? Is she starting to feel guilty?
Yumiko pulled Misa towards her into a gentle hug and whispered, "Misa, what's wrong? What's wrong with you?"
Misa tried to say something in return but it wasn't a word at all. It wasn't even close to a word. Misa's face tightened into that frustrated, embarrassed expression L had become all too familiar with.
Still holding Misa, Yumiko said, "It all started when you became obsessed with Kira. That's when it started, but I thought the idea of Kira was making you happy, so I never tried to argue with you. I was wrong. You must have been going crazy because of Kira, because of thinking that he was some kind of savior for you. I shouldn't have let you decide that your life should revolve around trying to find Kira. That's what happened, isn't it? You tried to find Kira and you found the wrong sort of people instead, and they made you like this."
Misa let out an odd strangled squawking sound. Yumiko gently pet Misa's hair.
Yumiko said, "Misa, I should have told you this a long time ago. You need to know Kira didn't bring justice to our parents. I didn't tell you this before because, well, because Mom and Dad made me promise never to tell you and because I thought you were happier not knowing."
Misa broke away from the hug, still crying, but now she looked angry.
Yumiko said, "Our parents were embezzlers. That's where I got the idea of trying it myself. They never stole from family; it was mostly from three corporations, and it was a lot of money. Probably enough to get on the news, even if you hadn't been starting to get famous. I-I was sure they were going to get caught. Someone was blackmailing them the last three years. That's why we didn't have much money then. Mom and Dad could never figure out who it was. The demands were becoming too expensive so they didn't always pay. I think the burglar was someone sent by the blackmailer to scare them, and things became more violent than the blackmailer had planned. I tried to get the police to look into it, but they were moving slowly. Maybe they would have kept the case open and caught the blackmailer if the burglar had lived."
Yumiko took a deep breath and then said, "I researched it, and it looked like Kira always killed embezzlers who steal as much as our parents did. If they hadn't been killed by the burglar, Kira would have noticed their crimes and... Kira would have killed Mom and Dad."
This is not good for Misa's state of mind. She could entirely disintegrate.
Misa's face was a mask of shock, the eyes staring, her skin red and shiny from tears. Everything felt very dangerous.
L continued to peer out from between his arms, watching Rem and Misa both getting worked up while he was gripped by a kind of horrified, paralyzed fascination, unable to act or to think of how to make the situation better.
Yumiko said, "Kira isn't a savior at all. If you've changed because you idolize Kira, you can change back. I know you can."
Misa's face was starting to look insane, her eyes darting back and forth with a heart-wrenching haunted expression.
Rem said, "Misa, maybe your sister is lying, to try to make you feel better. She can't know it would have the opposite effect."
Misa let out a strange little scream that changed in the middle into broken laughter, short, sharp odd expulsions almost like barks.
Rem approached and said, "Do something about this! You can think of something, can't you?"
The air was suddenly thick, too thick and stifling to breathe. It was pressing in horribly from every side, feeling dirty, soiled, trying to get inside L and rot him from within. L didn't care what Rem thought even if it led to his death. He didn't care about his elaborate preparations for being smuggled out either. He had to get out, to get away before Misa's corruption ate away at his soul too badly again.
L was up and running, barefoot, leaving the room, dashing down a hallway and slipping into a stairwell, going round and round at a furious pace as he descended, panting desperately. He felt pursued, as if everything bad that had ever threatened him was now invisibly chasing after him, and it would catch him and destroy him if he paused for even one moment.
Once he was outdoors the air felt a little better and the panic only reduced slightly, enough for him to barely take in his surroundings as he darted around pedestrians on the sidewalk, intent on putting as much distance between himself and Misa as possible.
It was only after he'd run more blocks than he knew and his chest was burning that he finally sat down, noticed blood on one foot and picked out a piece of glass. He felt silly, angry with himself for losing control, and on top of the rest of the bad feelings Misa caused, L now felt guilt as well. Misa was too pitiful to not inspire guilt.
Passersby were stopping to stare at L as he curled up on the sidewalk, picking at his bloody foot and shaking. Their glances looked as if they were full of disgust and unvoiced accusations.
I should not be the one who feels guilty. Nearly every bad event that I'm feeling guilty about was mostly Misa's fault, and I have every right to use Misa in my schemes against Rem, against Misa herself, and against Mikami.
Still, the guilt settled in L's belly, almost a physical presence churning around. It should be possible to rationalize it away, to reason with it, but like so many of the ugly emotions associated with Misa, it did not follow the dictates of logic. These emotions simply had to be endured; they were dirty and inconvenient, like mud that had to be slogged through the hard way. It was incredibly unfair.
A woman walking by stopped, leaned down and said, "Do you need me to take you to the hospital? Where is your mother?"
Do I really look that young?
A man plucked at the woman's sleeve and said, "Stay away. He's shaking like a junkie; he probably just wants your money for more drugs."
The woman said, "He's hurt, can't you see?"
L slipped his cellphone from a pocket and said, "I'll call my grandfather to pick me up."
While L spoke briefly with Watari, the woman hovered nearby, ignoring the man's attempts to subtly encourage her to leave. Some of the other gawkers left, but not all, and a few more arrived to stare.
As soon as L put away the phone, the woman said, "I'll stay until your grandfather actually arrives. I couldn't stand leaving anyone on the street, bleeding and without shoes."
L curled up on himself more and said, "That is appreciated."
The words felt hollow, the situation distant. L realized he should feel grateful for someone showing him concern, but he didn't. His mind kept returning to Rem, of how Rem would react, of what she would think. He knew he couldn't return immediately to try to smooth things over and explain. He couldn't think of what to say to Rem and he felt like he'd completely fall apart if he returned too soon.
This is bad. Rem must know things are not as they appear to be. She is at least that intelligent, to know that normal husbands don't have panic attacks when their wives slap them and then try to comfort them. There is nothing I can say to make it better. Will Rem kill me now? Or will she count on my fear to keep me on Misa's side?
L was barely aware of the surprised exclamations of bystanders as a very fancy car pulled up. He numbly opened the door and slipped inside, grateful when the closing of the soundproof door created an enveloping, safe-feeling silence.
Watari was quiet as he pulled away, but L could see his worried face in the mirror. L knew that Watari was observing the slight trembling that wouldn't go away just yet.
L breathed slowly and steadily a few more times. He fastened his gaze on the seat beneath him, watching with a detached curious feeling as the blood trickled out of his foot, staining the seat where he crouched. It had to be a deeper wound than it seemed, a puncture wound. It would need to be cleaned properly and inspected to be sure that no fragment of glass was still lodged inside it.
L became aware that Watari was speaking, but the words didn't register at all.
L looked up just as Watari finished, made an effort to focus on Watari's face reflected in the mirror.
In answer to the presumed question, L said, "Panic attack."
Watari replied in a very gentle voice, "I asked you where you wanted to go."
L said, "Medical attention. Not Misa's hospital. Far away."
There was some more slow breathing. Everything seemed stretched out, as if time itself were taking longer. L struggled once again with an irrational conviction that the air was choking him, and when he felt he'd won, that he'd buried that feeling deep inside, his thoughts began to run in something like their usual channels.
L said, "I'm not suited to this role, but there is nobody else who can do it. Today, I did not behave as I should have. Misa is worse than ever, and Rem probably suspects I have no love for Misa. I'm sorry. We could all die because of my mistake."
"You said before that it would be difficult for Rem to secure someone else who is as potentially useful as you are."
"That is true. It also would be completely insane for anyone to try to cross a shinigami. Rem probably thinks I cannot act against Misa, no matter how much I might wish to. Rem could make my death into an unimaginable torture."
Watari said, "L, you are performing your job well. I am sure that you will not cause our deaths needlessly. You have been calculating everything, taking no unnecessary risks."
"I am more cowardly than I used to be. Yet, the shinigami is more dangerous than any Kira. If Rem decides to take revenge or act on her own, unimaginable horrors could be inflicted on everyone, especially all the law enforcement officials who've ever had anything to do with the Kira case. I do not want to sacrifice their lives."
"Your habit of fully evaluating the situation has served you well in the past. When there is a reason for caution, it is not cowardice. I am sure you will take as much time as the situation warrants."
L took comfort in that statement, hoping he was thinking everything through well enough and choosing the right course of action. He tried harder to preserve his sanity, to prevent damage to his mind. His mind was his only defense. You couldn't act physically against a shinigami.
Things changed after that. L kept up the same schedule of visits, nearly every other day, but he was more reserved, not kissing Misa at all any more and only occasionally holding her hand. Rem did appear to notice, but she didn't say anything.
Yumiko certainly knew something was up and commented on it, digging for clues in her typical curious way, but not getting any results. She was refreshingly normal, a counterpoint to the horror of things even though she was obviously disturbed by the situation as well.
When Yumiko was drunk she was much friendlier than ever before, and when she was sober more of her accusations were now being aimed at Misa rather than at L himself. It was nice not to be a target. It was comforting in a way, even when it made Rem squirm to see Yumiko sometimes veer near the truth.
Drunk Yumiko was more perceptive than sober Yumiko, and she even said once, half-jokingly, "Sometimes I think Misa's trying to tell me she's Kira."
Yumiko went into a giggling fit at that, leaning her head against the wall and not seeing that Misa was furiously tapping her own chest, in Misa's well-established way of indicating herself.
L never decided on his own to act against Rem. He was pushed into it by circumstances. One day there was a heart-attack death of a French criminal within a few minutes of his crime being announced on the news. Many people noticed and speculated, not just L. Was it a coincidence, or was there a Kira passing judgments? And why just one death, after a gap of about two months? Around the world, countless articles appeared and the media talked of it constantly.
The next day, it happened again. Just one criminal, from Poland, and the heart attack was suspiciously timed. The announcement in the media and the death were a mere 78 seconds apart that time.
It happened every day thereafter, for twelve days altogether, and then it stopped.
Each victim had a western name. There were no Japanese criminals, and none with names written in anything other than Roman letters.
There was a code, and it was extremely simple, completely obvious. It was in English, probably because of the massive ambiguities involved in Japanese names, although it was also possible that the Kira proxy was a foreigner.
The first letters of the first names of the criminals spelled out:
K-I-R-A-I-A-M-R-E-A-D-Y
- 29
- 30
- 31
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Fifty Days