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(Never) Let Him Know	By : Fullmetal_Masochist Category: -Misc Anime > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1808 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or any of the characters in the series. I am making no money from this story.

Chapter List
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Hide didn't feel comfortable helping me remember more of Kaneki's memories for a while after that night at the movies. I was doing better with my recovery physically, but I was still having flashbacks to scenes that didn't make any sense to me.
"Did he stay here with you? It doesn't look like you had anyone else living here before me."
"No, he had a apartment closer to the university. I spent most of my time there since it was convenient to school and... work." He'd told me that the former boss of he and Kaneki had turned out to be the leader of the group that Anteiku was investigating. Any mention of that job left a sour taste in his mouth.
I hoped that enough time had passed that my next question wouldn't get immediately shot down. "Would it be possible for us to go to his place?"
"I don't think that's a good idea, Haise. Who knows how you'd react to going there. Plus, we don't know if they have anyone watching that apartment to see if we go back."
"But they've made their point, right? Why would they waste time attacking again if they feel they succeeded in their warning? I just want to know more about the person I was. As much as I appreciate hearing the stories you tell about Kaneki; I feel this is something I need to see for myself." I clenched my hands and waited for his reply, expecting to appeal another denial. Hide just let out a sigh and dropped his shoulders.
"Okay, we'll go there. But as soon as you start having any problems, I'm getting you the hell out of there, you got that?"
Surprised by his sudden change of heart, I looked at him in shock. "Oh, yeah I understand. Thank you, Hide."
"I come by to clean it up and air it out once a week or so. I haven't moved anything around, so everything should be right where yo... eh, he left it," said Touka as she opened the door to Kaneki's apartment. She'd been keeping an eye on the place since she lived a few doors down.
"Thanks, Touka. Did you want to stay for a while?" Hide offered.
"Nah, I've got to get back to Anteiku for a shift. Just lock it up when you leave." She patted the two of us on the shoulder and walked out, closing the door behind her.
I started looking around the living room, paying attention to anything that could give me some insight to the young man that had lived here. There was a surprising lack of photos. I wondered if Kaneki wasn't the type to put his family or life on display or if there wasn't anything to show.
"Was he a secretive person, Hide?"
"In a way, yes. He guarded his feelings and his heart well. But if you managed to get past his defenses, he'd laugh and smile so easily and honestly." Hide grinned slightly as he reminisced on his past with Kaneki. His smile couldn't clear away the sadness in his eyes though.
I walked over to the bookshelf and started looking at the books he owned. It was an impressive collection, although dust had begun settling on them. There were quite a few by the same author that looked well-worn.
"Takatsuki Sen. He must have liked this author a lot," I said as I picked up the last book in the row and flipped it open.
"Yeah, she was his favorite. He was so nervous when he got to meet her for the first time."
"Was that when he got this signed? Was it at some bookstore event?"
Hide walked over and looked at the book I held open, showing him the signature on the inner cover. His brow furrowed, and his expression got more serious as he took the book from my hands and looked at the written words more closely.
"What the hell..." He walked off towards the kitchen and stopped in front of the refrigerator. I followed him and saw he was holding the book up to a dry erase board that was attached to the fridge.
"It's the same handwriting," I remarked as I compared the two. There was no mistaking it; the same person had written both messages. "But what does that mean, Hide? Why would his favorite author write a message like that here?"
"It means I have to speak to Yoshimura and the rest of Anteiku. Let's go."
After arriving at Anteiku, Hide and the owner went in the back to talk and had been there quite a while. I stayed up front with Touka and sipped on coffee while they handled their business. The door opened, and a short young woman with messy green hair walked in. She saw me and immediately began smiling.
"Ah! So good to see you again! I hope you enjoyed the latest story. You'll have to let me know your thoughts on it."
"I think it'd be better if we got to hear your story right now, Eto," said Hide as he reappeared from the back of the shop. He didn't look happy to see her at all.
"Let's go upstairs then; I don't want to make a scene here. You come too, dear," Eto said as she looked my way, "since I'm sure the reason I was summoned here again involves you."
I nodded and stood up, following them up to the second floor as we got situated in one of the sitting rooms. Hide sat next to me, his eyes staring down Eto.
"So I'm assuming you pieced together that I was the one that left the note in Kaneki's apartment? I'm surprised you didn't figure it out sooner, to be honest. So, what do you want to know?"
Hide grew angry, "What do we want to know?! How can you sit there and ask that so casually?! You knew that he was being held prisoner and tortured and all you did was leave a cryptic note? You knew and did nothing to save him! Are you a part of their group? Aogiri Tree?"
If Eto was affected by Hide's berating comments, she wasn't letting it show. "Part of them? Oh no, dear boy, I created the Tree. It was a long time ago, back when I was still just a Ghoul with no future in this world. Our kind was so strong, and yet we were treated with such cruelty and hate! I wanted an outlet for my frustration and rage. Creating Aogiri Tree gave me the opportunity to do that. But then I was given the opportunity to create a new life for myself. The life of a human writer. I was given a unique position to pour out all those emotions and feelings and turn them into stories that the world could relate to and understand. In my writing, I was able to tell the world how our kind struggled while still being able to maintain my freedom."
"Then what are you doing still working with them?"
"I haven't been involved with the current Aogiri Tree at all. It had grown well under my leadership and had amassed many who agreed with my past motivations. Once I realized that my human identity was special to me, I grew less involved with the group. Eventually, I left control of it to Mado, believing him to be capable of running it wisely. Recently, through Anteiku, I learned that I was wrong and that their current motives no longer aligned with my original reason for creating Aogiri Tree. Not wanting to jeopardize my human life, I avoided inserting myself into the situation directly. You may see that as selfish and cowardly, but if you knew how Ghouls really lived, you'd see that it's just a matter of survival."
Hide rested his head in his hands, his fingers rubbing at his temples. "Why not help us to stop them? You put yourself out there by leaving the note, why not do more? You know they're no good for anyone!"
"I know that, and if it doesn't endanger the life I've built, I'll assist you when needed. My only goal here is to ensure that the world doesn't return to targeting and criminalizing Ghouls just for living. If Anteiku is the best way to prevent that, then I'll support it when I can. I don't want you to think I'm heartless. It did trouble me greatly to find out what they'd done to you, Kaneki, but life can be cruel as much as it can be beautiful."
"That's not who I am, Miss Eto. I'm Sasaki Haise, not Kaneki."
Hide spoke up before Eto could, "He adopted the name of a character you created, Eto. The trauma that he suffered made him lose his original self and create a new life where he couldn't remember what they did to him."
Eto only stared at me; her previously calm expression seemed pained now. "I wasn't aware of that detail. I knew you'd been abused but didn't hear about this. I'm sorry, Haise."
I didn't know what to say back to her. If she had been in a position to keep me from becoming like this, then I should hate her, right? But how can I judge her actions or inactions when I don't even remember them? In the end, I just nodded and looked away.
"We have another issue to discuss," said Yoshimura, who hadn't said a word during this conversation until now. "Thanks to Aogiri's increased activity, it appears that the government has implemented a new division to the policing and investigation of Ghouls. The Commission of Counter Ghoul, or CCG. They've only just started actively working throughout the wards, so we don't know much about them. But they're investigating suspected Ghouls and what they call 'Ghoul Crimes.' This has the potential to start the same inhumane treatment we suffered in the past all over again. I'm suspicious of whether this was Aogiri's motive, to shake the human's world up to the point where they'd start fighting us. Maybe they wanted this to become a war. What do you think, Eto?"
"I'd say that it's a reasonable assumption. Mado doesn't mind spilling blood if it gets his point across. I used to believe that we were the superior species, so I understand his way of thinking. But that mindset is only going to destroy us all, and I've worked too hard to build a life where I'm happy. I won't let him take that away from me so easily. I'll do what I can from my side. Just don't do anything rash in the meantime." Eto stood up from her seat and walked to the door. "Haise, have you read the book that you adopted your name from yet?"
"No, I only just learned that he was a fan of your stories."
Eto nodded, "I see. Well, if you do read it, perhaps you'll notice the similarities that Sasaki and I share. We're both prone to making bad choices that affect those around us. Maybe that's the reason you chose that name. If you come to a point in time where a difficult choice must be made, keep in mind that one choice can cause a ripple that eventually becomes a tidal wave."
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