The Key to My Heart

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation (after the manga/anime finishes)
Warnings: bad language, angst
Author’s note: With this site being down for so long I had previously decided I would not return as it would take so long to update the on-going stories. However, upon reflection as a couple of people still showed an interest I decided that I would do so after all. This story is complete on other sites so I shall just place all the rest of the chapters here for people to finish the story. For those of you still following it here on this site I hope you enjoy how it finally turned out.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of ‘Gravitation’. Apart from Annette and Jim Harris who are mine.


Chapter 32


“Shu!” Annette called out, stirring the pot before her. “Shu!” She looked over her shoulder and raised her voice louder.

“Yeah?” A voice wafted down the hall to her from the bathroom, soon followed by a head, water still dripping from the hair, appearing around the door frame. “Yeah?”

“Are you nearly done?”

“Give me time a change.” Shuichi said, stepping into the hall with a towel wrapped around his slim waist.

“Well, I would like to have my shower before they arrive, you know!” she said tartly, hands on hips. “You’ve taken forever in there tonight. What were you doing? No,” she held up her hand. “I don’t think I want you to answer that!”

Shuichi smirked at her, although he was glad that his face was still red from the shower so she wouldn’t notice the flush. A flash of guilt washed over him as he thought about exactly what he had been doing.

“Go on,” Annette made a shooing motion towards him. “Hurry up and get dressed so I can get ready.”

He escaped to the bedroom, reaching into the wardrobe to collect the clothing he had already decided on to wear tonight. He dressed with care, having spent a fair portion of the day thinking about just that, though why it was so important to him he didn’t know. He couldn’t help the excitement and nervous tension he was feeling at this impending dinner party. Both Hiro and Yuki were coming tonight and he was looking forward to seeing them again, even though he had only just seen Hiro that morning, but it had seemed like forever since he had spent time with Yuki.

It had been Annette’s suggestion to invite both men tonight, saying that he might like to just spend time with a couple of his friends in a more relaxed atmosphere. She had prompted him to make the offer that day, saying that it would be nice to have them over and to let them see where he was living. They would be the first people, apart from his family to visit him at his home.

Another wave of guilt washed over him. Annette had been more correct than she had realized; he had got a little …carried away in the shower. He felt his face heat up again. What was wrong with him? It had just started with him thinking about how nice it would be to be able to spend some time with Yuki again - away from the maddening crowd so to speak. Since his work colleagues and family had arrived he hadn’t had any time to himself really. Not that he minded, it had been a wonderful five days; busy, hectic, exciting, scary, startling in its revelations, all of that.

However, Yuki had faded into the background with everything else that was going on and Shuichi had found he missed the other man’s company. Not that Yuki was naturally the most gregarious person, in fact he was taciturn, quite sharp-tongued and usually spent most of the time frowning at him or calling him an idiot, but for some reason Shuichi found that…normal. He really enjoyed just being able to talk to Yuki, just spending time together seemed…comfortable. Perhaps it was because Yuki had been the first person from his past he met and that made him so important to Shuichi.

Whatever the reason, he was very glad Yuki was coming tonight. So whilst in the shower thinking about all this, feeling that excitement and looking forward to the night as he sponged himself down, hands running over his soapy body, he had found himself suddenly…erect. He had tried to ignore it, thinking it would go away, tried to think only on the dinner to come and the arrival of the guests, but that didn’t seem to help in the least.

So with a sigh he had….taken matters in hand. It had been a long, blissfully drawn out event, his whole body quivering with the pleasure both during and after. Okay, so he hadn’t had any relief for a while. With everything that had been happening, between his work and the new arrivals, his time had become completely monopolized and he had been just too tired to do anything but sleep. He had been sleeping on the couch now for the past couple of weeks due to his late nights or general restlessness. Perhaps that was all it was. All that tension built up needing a release. Not because he had been thinking about…

He clamped down on that thought and pulled his shirt over his head almost violently. Enough! He gave his damp hair another vigorous rub down before carefully combing it in place. He wondered if he should return to his old hairstyle - the one he had in most of the photos he had seen. He walked out to the kitchen, sniffing appreciatively at the mouth-watering aroma in the air. Perhaps he would, but he wasn’t going pink! What on earth had inspired him to do that? Maybe he had been drunk at the time. He must remember to ask Hiro sometime.

He could hear the sound of running water as Annette took her shower, as he lifted the lid from the pot on the stove and gave it a stir. Luckily it hadn’t stuck to the bottom during to his wool-gathering in the bedroom. Annette would have been rightly pissed at him if he had let the meal be ruined, after she had spent all afternoon preparing it! Shuichi had helped as well but although he wasn’t likely to poison anyone with his cooking, he was no maestro of the culinary practices either.

He carefully checked everything was behaving as it should do and glanced around the room. All appeared in order; clean and tidy, nothing embarrassing left out in the lounge room for guests to find. Not that Annette and he went in for that sort of thing!

He couldn’t help the smile that curled his lips as he looked over the care that Annette had taken in setting the apartment. Their small dining table had a crisp blue tablecloth with matching napkins and rings, a low circular flower arrangement sat in the centre, not restricting anyone’s vision, so they could talk across it. Low candles were already lit, throwing dancing shadows across the walls and giving off a gentle scent of vanilla that now masked the more astringent disinfectant smell that had been present earlier after Annette had ruthlessly attacked their apartment from top to bottom that afternoon. Gleaming white china sat at each place, wine glasses stood on coasters with smaller tumblers at the side to hold water from the carafe residing on the table, beads of moisture slowly sliding down its exterior. He nodded in satisfaction as he gazed upon the sight. It all looked just perfect.

“So what do you think?” The quiet voice startled him and he spun around to find Annette standing behind wearing his favourite blue dress. Favourite dress of hers, not his! He just liked her in it!

He smiled at her. “It looks perfect.” he echoed his earlier thought. “As do you.”

She smiled at him and then frowned at the table. “I haven’t forgotten anything, have I?”

He chuckled. “I’m sure you haven’t. Relax. It’ll be fine.”

She looked over at him. “Isn’t that usually what I’m telling you?” she said with a raised eye-brow.

His smile broadened, reaching out to draw her into a quick hug. The scent of lavender filled his nostrils from the shampoo she used. “Well, now it’s my turn to reassure you.” he replied, holding her at arms length. “You’ll see.” Just then there was a knock at the door. “I’ll get it.” and he made his way towards it as Annette moved into the kitchen. There was a clatter of dishes as she began pulling out serving platters.

Shuichi opened the door to see Hiro and Yuki both standing there. He was a little surprised at first, he hadn’t expected them to turn up together, but then again it would make sense. They were both staying at the same hotel after all.

He smiled and waved them inside. “Come in, come in!” He made a low flourishing bow. “Welcome to our humble abode!”

Hiro smiled back as he toed off his shoes. “You are such a clown.” Shuichi grinned back.

“Here,” Yuki said holding out a bottle.

Shuichi took the proffered gift. It wasn’t a wine that he knew, but then he wasn’t really a big wine drinker and certainly never bothered with names generally. “Thanks,” he said, leading them to the lounge then detoured to the kitchen. Annette was placing the last of the food platters on the table as Shuichi finally located the corkscrew and set about struggling to open the bottle.

“Here, give it to me.” Yuki said with exasperation, reaching out to grab the bottle in Shuichi’s grasp. His hand wrapped over Shuichi’s, sending a shiver through the youth at the contact. “You’ve probably never used one of these in your life.”

Shuichi released his grasp, ceding the bottle to Yuki’s firm grip and acknowledged the truth of this statement. “Most of the wine I’ve drunk has either already been opened, or has a screw top.” he admitted.

Yuki just growled at him in disgust for his Bohemian tastes as he expertly withdrew the cork with a gentle pop as it escaped from the suction.

“Well, we may as well sit down.” Annette prompted, “No point in letting the food get cold.” They all sat, Yuki last as he remained standing to finish pouring the wine for them all.

“Bon appetite!” Shuichi said, raising his glass for the toast. The others followed and the chink of glass against glass filled the air.

General conversation flowed over the table, mostly about Shuichi and Hiro’s childhood, some about the band, other side comments thrown in, and some not too flattering, about their fellow work colleagues. Everyone joined in at various times, even Yuki, although it was more to argue a point than anything else. Annette was just grateful that it seemed everyone was enjoying themselves to some degree at least. She let out a soft sigh of relief. She had had dreadful nightmares of this dinner party ending in complete disaster but that didn’t seem to be the case, thank goodness!

Once the meal was completed Annette shooed them over to the couch so she could clear the table. The men gathered their glasses and settled themselves; Hiro and Yuki each taking up one corner of the couch, whilst Shuichi took up residence on the floor, leaning on the coffee table.

“Here,” Annette said, dropping three bottles of beer on the table with a smile. “The wine’s almost finished and I thought that you would rather have a beer.”

Hiro smiled up at her with pleasure. “Thank you!” he said heartily. “As much as I like wine, I have to admit that I’m a beer drinker through and through!” He reached out and captured one, noticing Yuki was no less slower in doing the same, with Shuichi following a close third.

“And we all know that Yuki likes his beer as well, judging from the amount that he would always drink!” Shuichi declared, opening his own.

He wasn’t looking at Yuki as he said this, although Hiro saw the man start out of the corner of his eye. As far as he knew, Yuki’s drinking tastes hadn’t been mentioned that much during his time here. In his conversations with Hiro, Shuichi had only previously mentioned that at his other meetings with Yuki that the man had drunk spirits, not beer. Could Shuichi be remembering some of his time with Yuki?

“This place is nice.” Hiro said, opening the conversation again.

“Yeah, we really like it. Annette found it first though.”

“You made a nice choice.”

“Annette’s got a good eye for taste.” Shuichi said with a smile towards his girlfriend.

“Well, she picked you up, didn’t she?” Hiro said with a chuckle, taking a drink.

Shuichi laughed, as did Annette. “Sure did! What can I say; she knows talent when she sees it!”

“More like I’m a sucker for a pretty face,” Annette put in dryly, sitting next to Shuichi. “You just wowed me with your looks and the way you dressed.”

“Oh, speaking of which,” Shuichi said, turning to look at Hiro. “Thanks so much for bringing those clothes for me. I remembered that orange sweatshirt as soon as I saw it; my mum gave it to me years ago for my birthday. I remember that Maiko always used to say that I looked like a warning light coming down the street it was so bright! It always was my favourite, though I hadn’t realized that it looked so old and worn now.”

“You can always replace it, you know,” Hiro said, “It’s not like you can’t afford it!”

Shuichi waved that comment aside. “I know. But it’s my favourite! You can’t just throw something like that away! If you love something that much you can’t just replace it with something else. It’s just not the same!”

Hiro cast a quick glance in Yuki’s direction, noticing his hands tighten around the bottle in his grasp at this last passionate response from Shuichi. Was he thinking about how those words could apply to their relationship? Was he wishing that Shuichi could feel the same way about him as he did about his sweatshirt?

Hiro wondered if this would be enough to prompt the man into saying something, but Yuki continued to sit there silently, a blank expression on his face. He obviously wasn’t going to say anything to Shuichi to let him know that it was he who had brought his clothes all the way here.

“You know,” Shuichi continued, “This may sound weird, but its felt good to put those clothes on. They just feel…..familiar, you know.”

“That’s good.” Hiro said, smiling. “You’ve got plenty more at home so if you need anything else you can always send for them.”

“Hhmm, yeah, I suppose so.” Shuichi preambled a little, not making any commitment to returning to Japan or not. Hiro had noticed that whenever the subject came up that he would do his best to avoid the topic, whether it was raised by his family, or by K and Sakano. He didn’t blame Shuichi for trying to side-step the issue, so he did his best to not add to the pressure that his friend was obviously already under.

“Speaking of which,” Yuki suddenly interrupted and three surprised faces turned in his direction. “I’ll be heading home tomorrow.” He raised his bottle to his lips and drank, lapsing back into silence. No one else spoke for a moment after his announcement, the feeling of surprise palpable in the air.

Hiro noticed the look of complete shock on Shuichi’s face, and a fleeting flash of loss and fear that followed. Did he realise that his face had showed those emotions, Hiro wondered? Did he realise that he had even felt them?

“Do…do you have to?” Shuichi managed to get out. “So soon?”

Yuki took another drink and looked calmly back at the youth. “I’ve been away for quite a while; it’s time I got back. Some of us still need to work for a living.”

“Oh, yes, I…guess so.” Shuichi looked down for a moment, hand playing with his half empty bottle. “But do you really have to go now? Can you not…wait a little longer?”

Yuki half shrugged. “There’s no need for me to stay here now.”

“Yeah,” Shuichi’s response was so soft it was barely heard but even so, to Hiro’s practiced ear, he caught the slight crack in that one word that signified just how upset Shuichi was. That sound meant that his friend was close to tears and really trying to hold it back.

“Well,” Shuichi looked up suddenly, a wide smile on his face although Hiro could see that it didn’t reach his over-bright eyes. “I guess we’ll just have to say that this is our farewell drink then. Think of it as your going away party!” And he raised his bottle to reach out and tap it against Yuki’s.

Yuki looked down at the smiling face, feeling his heart clench at the sight and slowly touched his bottle to the upraised one. One day - that was all he had left to savour that look. One day.

Annette spoke up then. “I’m really glad that you came tonight, Yuki, since you’ll be leaving so soon. You’ve done so much for Shu and we’re very grateful. Thank you.”

Yuki nodded curtly in response and drank the last of his beer. He placed it on the table and stood. “I’ll be going now.” he said.

Again Shuichi looked surprised and a little panicked, “Do you have to?” he said, clambering quickly to his feet, one hand outstretched as though to grab hold of Yuki’s arm and prevent his departure.

“I’m rather tired. I’ve still got to pack.” Yuki had wanted to just escape quickly. Remaining this close to Shuichi and not being able to reach out and hold him was slowly killing him, but he couldn’t ignore that pleading look. “Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow before I leave, okay? I’m not flying out till the evening so give me a call.”

“Oh, okay.” Shuichi agreed.

“Thank you for the meal.” Yuki said with extreme politeness to Annette. It had been, after all, a very good meal. No matter whom the cook had been!

“I’ll see you out, Yuki.” Hiro said stepping forward. He turned and threw a smile over his shoulder towards Shuichi. “I’ll only be a few moments and then I’ll be back. You had better have another cold beer ready when I do.”

Shuichi’s face lit up again, this time with a more genuine smile. “It’ll be waiting.” He looked at Yuki and the smile faltered again. “I…thanks for coming. And ….for everything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Yuki nodded and collected his shoes before stepping out the door with Hiro trailing behind. Once fully outside the building, he pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips whilst he searched his pockets for his lighter. There was a click and then the flare of a flame before his face. He leant forward and placed the tip of the cigarette in the flame, watching the end flare as he inhaled. Hiro moved the still lit lighter to the tip of his own cigarette before snuffing it out. There was silence between them for a moment as they continued to smoke.

“I’m sorry things haven’t worked out.” Hiro finally said. Yuki didn’t respond so he continued. “I still think you’re wrong not to tell him, but,” He took another drag on his cigarette. “I do understand why you haven’t. It’s hard to figure out what to tell him and what not to. What do you tell him and what do you leave for him to remember on his own?” Hiro shrugged. “I’m no psych, so I don’t know who’s right and who’s wrong in this decision. I just want what is best for Shuichi.”

Yuki still remained silent. Hiro watched him, seeing the subtle signs of tension in the man’s body. “I know you care about him, that you love him, and I know that he loved you. At least, he did before all this. He loved you so much it was sometimes frightening to see.” Hiro remembered all too well the many times he had seem Shuichi either flying high with delight at something Yuki had said or done, or wallowing in the pits of despair. That manic roller-coaster of extremes was positively terrifying for him at times.

“Perhaps,” he continued, “he would be better off if you told him the truth. Perhaps it would be good for him to know that, to hear it. Then again - perhaps not.”

“Thought you’d be happy about this,” Yuki finally spoke, jerking his head back towards Shuichi’s apartment. “You never thought I was good for him, so you’re no doubt ecstatic that he’s now got such a ‘normal’ life. And lover.”

Hiro exhaled, watching the smoke drift away into the night. “You’re right,” he said frankly. “I never could understand why he was with you, why he even fell in love with you. But I never stood in his way of it either. What ever makes him happy, I’ll support. So no matter how screwed up I thought his relationship was with you, as long as he was still happy that was okay by me. Now, over the years, in some ways you have been good for him. You’ve made him look outside himself.” Hiro smiled. “He can be really selfish sometimes you know.”

Yuki snorted, “Only too well!”

“Yeah, but so can you.” Hiro added, ignoring Yuki’s glare. “So you’ve probably been good for each other, forcing each of you to consider someone other than yourself.”

“Huh!” was Yuki’s only reply. Another moment of silence stretched between them.

“You don’t want to upset his life, do you?” Hiro questioned. Yuki didn’t reply. “That’s quite evident really - at least to me. You’ve been able to see how his life is here; what he does, where he works, how he interacts with the people here, especially Annette. I’m really glad that he found someone like her, someone who wants to be with him for who he is, and someone who does want the best for him. You may have been good for him before, but things have changed. You know that, don’t you?”

Still Yuki said nothing, taking a final drag on his cigarette before dropping it to the ground to grind it underfoot.

“I’m sorry, but I think Annette is good for him too. At the moment anyway. So I think you’ve done the right thing.”

Yuki raised another cigarette to his lips and lit it, turning his cold eyes to look directly into Hiro’s.

“Fuck what you think.” he said, then turned and walked away into the darkness, leaving Hiro looking after him.

**************

Shuichi was breathless and paused outside the door a moment to catch his breath before knocking. He had run up the stairs instead of using the elevator. He heard the rattle of a chain and then the door opened to reveal Yuki, barefoot and shirt hanging undone with moisture still clinging to his hair. He had obviously not long been out of a shower.

“Have I come at a bad time?” Shuichi asked a little hesitantly, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot.

Yuki waved him inside, “’Course not. I told you to come over now, didn’t I?”

Shuichi entered, and turned to watch Yuki close the door as he answered, “Yeah, but I know you must be busy getting ready.”

“No, I’m almost done.”

Shuichi perched on the corner of the bed, watching Yuki throw a few more clothes into the bag that rested there. He spied a droplet of water slip from a strand of hair above Yuki’s eye to fall to the broad expanse of exposed flesh of the man’s chest, his eye following its wet trail downwards, lower and lower…

He dragged his eyes away from the sight as he felt his face flush and a familiar tightening deep in his belly. Stop doing that, he shouted to himself, mentally picturing thumping himself over the head with a blunt instrument. What the hell was he doing perving on another man?! And Yuki of all people! Gods, what the hell was wrong with him?!

“So,” He jumped as Yuki spoke. “How are you feeling about things now?”

“Oh,” he mumbled, hand reaching out to play with a fold in the bedspread, trying to get his breathing back under control. “Okay, I guess. I am remembering more almost every day. Just little things really, you couldn’t exactly call any of them earth shattering.”

Yuki disappeared into the bathroom and returned a moment later with his wash-bag. “Most events in a person’s life aren’t what would be called ‘earth shattering.’” he said as he thrust it into his bag and glanced around the room. “That’s just how life is.” He looked back at the youth sitting on his bed. “You’ve got to admit though, that you have got a more exciting life than most people.”

“Well, I suppose, being in the band and all.” Shuichi frowned. “I get flashes of things, you know. Little glimpses but sometimes they’re so quick that I just can’t get hold of them to really see what they’re about.”

“Are they important?”

“I…think so. They feel like they are. There’s so many of them I just wish they’d slow down a little!”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. They’ll come to you in time.”

“Maybe.” Shuichi slapped his hand on the bed. “But I want them back now!”

Yuki looked at him. “You always were too impatient. No matter what you do, you’re not going to get your way on this one.”

Shuichi slumped a little. “But I want to remember!” he whined.

“Don’t be stupid. You sound like a brat.”

Shuichi couldn’t help the smile that suddenly split his face, and said without thinking, “Do I?”

“Yeah,” Yuki responded, zipping up his bag, “You do. You always do when you’re being a pain.”

Shuichi watched as Yuki buttoned his shirt and tucked it in, feeling his face flush again as the other casually undid his trousers to smooth the shirt-tail down properly before refastening them.

Yuki reached over and picked up his bag and jacket and motioned towards the door. “Time to go. Walk down with me.”

Shuichi hopped off the bed and opened the door, waiting a moment as Yuki put his shoes on and exited. They were silent in the elevator all the way down and as they walked across the foyer.

Yuki could see the taxi waiting outside and the doorman hurried over to take his bag. He felt his stomach knotting. It was time, time to leave. Time to leave Shuichi. He turned to the young man standing at his side. Shuichi looked up at him, his eyes bright, lips parted as though to say something but nothing came out. He grimaced; there was no point in dragging this out. It was tearing him apart inside and he needed to get away quickly before he broke down howling like a baby at Shuichi’s feet.

“Well,” he said gruffly. “Take care of yourself.”

“Yeah, you too.” was Shuichi’s quiet response. “Will….will I see you again?”

Yuki tore his gaze away from those large amethyst eyes. “Not unless you’re in Japan some time.”

“Oh,”

Yuki fumbled in his pocket for a cigarette, his nerves getting the better of him. “By the way, you don’t have to worry about keeping up the pretence of living together. It will all be sorted out and if you do go back home you’ve got your own place, so there’s no need for this nonsense to continue. It’ll all die down soon enough anyway as soon as there’s some other juicy bit of scandal.”

“Oh, okay. But….I can visit you maybe? If I’m over there?”

Yuki shrugged and began to move towards the exit. “If you want. You’ve got my number.” He looked over his shoulder, wanting nothing more than to get away, but the sight of Shuichi standing there, shoulders slumped, unshed tears quivering on those long dark lashes, undid him completely. He felt his own throat close, his teeth gritted together to hold in sobs.

He couldn’t help himself. He turned and closed the few steps between them and engulfed Shuichi in a tight embrace, crushing the smaller body against his, trying to imprint this last touch into his soul to remember in the lonely days to come. He buried his face in the soft hair, feeling Shuichi’s breath against his neck.

“Be happy,” he said brokenly, and almost thrust the youth away as he fled to the taxi refusing to look back, so he didn’t see the tears sliding down Shuichi’s face.

*************

Yuki got off the flight still feeling ill. He cursed himself for his hangover. He had been determined from the moment he had set foot on the plane that he was going to drink himself into oblivion. It hadn’t work, he was still quite conscious and aware of his surroundings, and it certainly had done nothing to ease the pain in his chest. He groaned as his stomach rolled over and his head pounded. He hated hangovers! Especially when he had not succeeded in his goal of unconsciousness. He rubbed his aching eyes as his head continued to pound. It was one of the worst hangovers he had had for some time – so why hadn’t he been able to forget!

His stomach lurched again, with a stab of pain harsh enough to make him wrap one arm around his middle. Oh, crap, he thought suddenly, his mind finally putting two and two together. Oh, crap! He knew that feeling; the burning sensation clawing at his innards, the tearing feeling as though his organs were being shredded with shaved glass. He could feel the metallic taste begin to rise up his throat, feeling like it was attempting to suffocate him. Pain tore through him again as he continued to stagger on his way. Anyone seeing him would think he was drunk as he almost fell against a wall, trying to catch his breath through another wave of pain, before trying to continue on, eyes searching for a way out of the terminal. He softy moaned to himself as his eyes closed once more and he tried to ride out the pain washing over him.

“Hey, buddy, you okay?” A voice near his elbow brought him back to his surroundings. Lifting his head, he saw a taxi driver standing near him, a look of concern on his face as he took in Yuki’s half-doubled over form.

Yuki grimaced, still clutching his stomach, willing it to settle. It refused to obey his command, defying him with another sharp stab of pain. Yuki gritted his teeth and reached for the cab door, supporting his weight on it.

“Get me to the nearest decent hospital.” he growled, sliding into the vehicle gingerly. Another lurch and he brought a hand up to cover his mouth, fearing he was about to be sick.

The taxi driver’s eyes had opened wide and Yuki wondered if he was going to refuse. Probably visions of his passenger expiring in the backseat were filling his thoughts. Instead of a refusal though the driver nodded, tossed Yuki’s bag in the back, and jumped in himself. “It’ll take about 45 minutes. Can you hold on that long?”

Yuki clamped down on another lurch. “Yeah,” he managed to squeeze out between his gritted teeth, although he was seriously wondering if he could. The waves of pain were coming faster now, crashing over him one after the other. He dug his fingernails into the palm of his hand, hoping this alternate pain would distract his mind from the bigger problem.

By the time they reached the hospital Yuki had used the third handkerchief to catch the blood he was coughing up. The driver only took the time to remove his bag, dropping it on the pavement at Yuki’s fee, and accepted the fare before speeding away, not waiting to see if he could even make it through the hospital doors.

Yuki ignored that behaviour and struggled inside, trying to push towards the reception desk. There were a number of people crowded before it, voices raised loudly as everyone seemed to be trying to talk at once, and the expression on the face of the lone nurse did not bode well for anyone. Damn! It was going to take forever! Another spasm brought a fresh flood of blood from his mouth. He captured it in the now almost sodden material, swallowing back against it.

Oh, hell. This was bad, he thought. His vision was beginning to cloud and a tendril of fear clawed at him. He was alone here. There was no-one he knew. If he passed out, he would only be surrounded by strangers who wouldn’t understand what this was, or why it was happening. What would they do to him whilst he was unconscious?

The fear continued to build within him, in tandem with the rising pain. With frantic fingers he fumbled his cell phone out and pressed the speed dial. The phone rang and rang and he was feeling more fearful as each passing moment seemed to drain the energy from his weakening body. He had slumped into a chair nearby as his legs began to feel like jelly, his bag at his feet. Finally he heard the familiar voice answer, “Hello?”

“Tohma,” he managed to rasp out past his burning throat.

“Eiri. What’s wrong?”

Yuki tried to clear his throat. “I’m at a hospital in New York.”

“Where?” Tohma demanded. Yuki managed to focus on the name of the hospital on the plaque in the foyer and read it back to Tohma. “Don’t worry. Just hold on! I’ll sort things out.” He heard Tohma say dimly.

Yuki felt a wash of relief through his mind, although if he had been thinking straight he would have wondered what the hell Tohma could do half-way around the world, but at this point he didn’t really care as his vision darkened further, and his grip on the phone loosened as his muscles refused to work any longer.

“Eiri? Eiri!”

He couldn’t answer Tohma’s frantic cries as the phone slipped from his hand to clatter to the floor and he toppled forward to join it, blood flowing freely from his mouth.

****************

He opened his eyes slowly. There was light in the room; natural light, not artificial, and not too bright. He didn’t move any other part of his body, just his eyes as he looked around. He focused on the ceiling, trying to think back. That’s right – hospital, he had collapsed at the hospital.

Slowly he lowered his eyes to look down the length of his body in the bed and couldn’t prevent the startled, “Awk!” that escaped him, or the corresponding jerk as his eyes settle on the pink creature perched on his chest, bright black eyes staring back at him.

“Hey-ya, Yuki!” a cheery disembodied voice called out.

Yuki frantically glanced around, seeing no-one else in the room. Had he finally gone mad? Had this last attack been too much for his body and he had burst a blood vessel in his brain? Had he hit his head when he had fallen and given himself brain damage?

Suddenly a dark head popped up over the edge of the bed, surprising him again. Ryuichi’s smiling face watched him over the white expanse of the hospital bed sheets.

“Kumagoro wanted to keep an eye on you! He said you were going to wake up soon!”

Yuki could only continue to stare. Oh, shit, what had he done to deserve this, he thought, feeling his stomach spasm although there wasn’t that much pain.

The door suddenly opened. “Scary thing to wake up to, isn’t it?” Jim said as he stepped inside and handed a paper bag to Ryuichi, who squealed with delight and grasped it with one hand as the other reached out and snagged his pink rabbit off Yuki before dashing over to a corner to happily rummage inside the gift.

Jim watched in amusement, snagging a chair and dragging it closer to the bed before sitting. Yuki struggled to sit up without yanking the IV from his arm and rubbed a hand across his eyes.

“I tried to tell Ryu that leaving that thing on you might not be the best thing to do for a convalescing patient, but” Jim shrugged, “you know how he is. How are you feeling?” he asked solicitously.

“Like shit.” Yuki replied in a raspy voice. His throat hurt, his eyes burnt and he felt as weak as a new-born kitten.

Jim laughed. “Funny! You sound just like normal!”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Yuki glanced over to where Ryuichi was happily eating grapes, peeling some and offering them to Kumagoro for his delectation. “And with him!”

“You can blame Tohma for that.” Jim replied.

“Tohma?” Yuki was confused.

“Yeah. I received a frantic call from him while I was down in Savannah and was told I had to get up here immediately because you were in hospital.” Jim tilted his head to one side. “You really should take it easy. Tohma’s not as young as he used to be. I don’t think these shocks are good for him.”

“Tohma was very worried about Yuki.” Ryuichi’s quiet voice interrupted them. Yuki looked over to see the other man watching him, a serious expression on his face. “Tohma was very, very worried. The most worried we had ever seen him.” He looked down, grapes seemingly forgotten, and gathered Kumagoro into his arms, hugging it tightly. “Tohma didn’t know who to ask to help you. He was too far away.”

“He called you?” Yuki stared almost disbelieving. Tohma called a schizoid lunatic to look after him when he collapsed? What had he been thinking?!

Ryuichi looked up and the expression on his face was that of a mature, sane Ryuichi, Kumagoro fully forgotten. “He was scared. He asked me to get to you as soon as I could, to make certain you were alright. I could hear the fear in his voice. He thought he might lose you.”

Yuki rubbed his face again. Surely Ryuichi was exaggerating. Well, at least Tohma had been more sensible and called Jim as well. He looked over at the man still seated next to the bed. He was looking at Ryuichi with an almost fond expression. “I’m glad he got hold of you anyway.” Yuki said to him.

Jim turned to him with a grin. “Actually I was already at the airport to come here when Tohma phoned. He called me first!” and he jerked his head in Ryuichi’s direction.

Yuki’s eyes widened in surprise and he glanced back at Ryuichi who had returned his attention back to Kumagoro, making the pink creature dance across the floor as they chased an escaping grape. “He called you?”

“Yep. He told me you were in hospital and he expected me to be in New York on the next flight, no excuses. Not that he gave me time to make any before he hung up on me.” Jim seemed to get great delight from Yuki’s stupefied expression as he tried to puzzle this out. “You know, he really was worried about you. The hospital staff said he was here within half an hour of your collapse. Tohma must have called him immediately and he came straight over. He sat with you the whole time before I got here.”

Yuki struggled with this thought as he watched Ryuichi suddenly disappear from view, and could hear him shuffling around under his bed, chuckling to himself as he shared a joke with his stuffed toy. He had known Ryuichi for as long as Tohma had but he had always had trouble reconciling this childlike simpleton to anything more adult in behaviour. Yet, Tohma had rung Ryuichi immediately and the man came, dropping whatever he was doing, and knowing the hectic schedule that the pop star usually held down, he would have probably left something important. Left it for Tohma – and for Yuki.

On top of that, he had the presence of mind to call Jim as well. Not just call him, but order him to come to New York. Perhaps Ryuichi was far more aware of his limitations than people realized. Perhaps he knew that he would be unlikely to be able to maintain his serious side for any lengthy period of time and so had ensured that he had got hold of someone else here who could take over by the time he switched back to his childlike persona.

Ryuichi’s head suddenly popped up over the foot of the bed, large grin on his face, and a pink object sailed through the air to land against Yuki’s chest with a soft thump.

“Kumagoro wants a hug!” he crowed, waving his hands. “Hug him, Yuki! Hug him!”

Yuki looked at the manically grinning man and then down at the stuffed toy in his hands. Any other time he would have thrown the thing away from him violently, repulsed by the nonsense, and refusing to pander to the idiot. Instead, this time he wrapped his arms around the creature, hugging it tightly for a brief moment and said in a gruff voice, “Thank you”, before then tossing the toy at Ryuichi’s head.

The man caught the airborne object with practiced ease. He clutched Kumagoro by one arm, letting the toy dangle for a moment, his face calm as he spoke clearly, looking directly at Yuki, “You’re welcome. Anytime.”

Then the expression changed, clouding over to childlike innocence and he capered out the door, Kumagoro spinning wildly around his head letting out an almost deafening “WEEEEEEE!!!!” which trailed off down the corridor into the distance. They watched him go, the silence in the room seeming unnatural now that Ryuichi’s larger than average presence had left.

“He’s pretty amazing, isn’t he?” Jim said quietly. “There’s just something about him that you just can’t ignore. No matter what he does or how crazy he acts.” He turned back to Yuki. “I often wonder just how much of it is an act?”

Yuki shrugged, “I’ve never figured that out. Perhaps none of it is. Tohma’s the only one who might probably know for real.”

Jim chuckled softly. “Yeah, that’s where the two of them are more alike than they realise. Both are consummate actors playing their audience. Maybe that’s why the two of them have got along so well over all this time.”

“Most likely,”

“So what are your plans now?” Jim asked.

“I’m heading home once I’m out of here.” Yuki said.

Jim nodded. “Guessed as much. So,” he looked hard at Yuki, “things didn’t work out with Shuichi.”

Yuki glared at him. “None of your business.”

Jim held up a hand acknowledging the truth of that statement. “You’re right, it’s not. But Tohma’s kept me pretty much up-to-date on things, as much as he knows anyway.” He scrutinized Yuki’s face. “Are you really giving up?”

Yuki turned his head away from Jim’s gaze, feeling uncomfortable under that penetrating stare. “There’s nothing more I can do. He’s either going to go back to Japan or not. That’s his decision.”

“You are so damn stubborn.” Jim said, “No wonder Tohma always looks like he’s pulling his hair out when you’re around. You must drive him insane.”

Yuki snorted in response.

“Okay, it’s your decision. Even if I do think that you’re an idiot! So you’re heading home. If it’s any consolation, you should only be in here for a couple of days according to the doctor. They just want to be certain that you’re fully stabalised and the meds are working properly before you jump back on a plane. I took the liberty of cancelling your flight and organizing another as a temporary booking until you get the medical clearance to fly.”

“Thanks,” Yuki grudgingly said for the help.

Jim waved his response aside. “No sweat. I also called Tohma once I had some feedback from the doctor on your condition. Do you want to call him now you’re awake?”

“You’re going to anyway, aren’t you?” Yuki asked.

Jim nodded. “Can hardly do otherwise.” He grinned. “He’d kill me if I didn’t!”

“Then you can tell him. There’s nothing else I have to say to him.”

“You are so damn cool to him! All right. I’ll let him know what flight you’ll be on closer to the time as well. I think you’ll have to put up with him meeting you at the airport. It’s the least you can do for the scare you just gave him.”

Yuki grunted. Jim was probably right, and he did owe Tohma so perhaps he could manage to be gracious and accept a lift from him when he got back home. Admittedly it would be easier in one way instead of fighting for a taxi.

It would be good to get home. He just wished that it didn’t feel like he had lost his heart on the way.