All The Way Here

Matt had four laptops going at the same time, four different programmes each trying to infiltrate the location from which Aizawa had e-mailed. As one alerted him to a failure, he would try something else; as another produced a page of code, he would examine it letter by letter, symbol by symbol, looking for the backdoor. So far he was drawing a blank. This became more than simply helping Mello. There was his own professional pride at stake. There had not yet been a system which he could not access and he was damned if it was going to be Kira\'s that beat him.



The fifth laptop beeped a message. His friend, CrashnBurn, was trying with programmes which he had written himself. Or she. It was hard to tell. Matt twisted around and tapped the key. \'This firewall is fucking me off.\' He laughed and typed back, \'I hear you, man.\' Matt ran to another laptop and retrieved the information there, patching it through to his partner in crime. Then he messaged back, \'Throw that through dolly, see if she comes good.\' A moment later the response came, \'love working with you\'.



Down below, the roar of a motorcycle penetrated, drawing closer. Matt looked in panic at the messenger. \'Cya. G2G.\' He typed and switched it off before a reply could come through. On that laptop, he just restored NeoTrace and set it running on the IP number. Matt stared at the mass of cables and leads, realising just how much he had taken over the place in the two hours that his lover had been gone. But a laptop sounded an alarm and he ran to inspect it. Closer, much closer, but not yet in.



The shutter opened and the motorcycle was ridden in. Matt peeped over the top of the railings, smiling faintly at the sight of Mello straddling the big machine, then bobbed back as the visor was turned in his direction. He ran to answer another beep. Another no show. He typed in the information gleaned and was immediately presented with pages of code. "Fucking gotcha!"



Intent upon the screen, he barely looked up as Mello appeared. Matt knew that he was watching, expectantly, but he had to do this. He dashed to the second laptop and positioned it to see the first. Copying information, he set that one running too. "Mello, I know. Two seconds, please." Fear washed over his features, but he kept typing, eyes scanning code as it flashed across his screen. With shaking hands, he stopped it and scrolled slowly down. He found what he was looking for and gulped loudly. "Right."



Matt stood, his legs like jelly, and crossed unsteadily to kneel in front of his master. "I\'m sorry I didn\'t... I was late." He bowed his head. "I just hacked into Raito Yagami\'s mainframe."



"What?" Mello gasped. Conflicting reactions froze the blond, but he settled for reaching out and touching Matt\'s head. "Show me." Mello was presented with a monitor full of background code. It was probably decipherable with a few hours studying, but for now it seemed unintelligible. "His home computer?"



"No. The headquarters." Matt smoked a cigarette with trembling hands. He was ashen. "I need to do a little more work, but this is the trail."



"Can you work out where he is from this?"



"Yes." Matt pointed at another computer. "I can run a trace down to the street."



Mello stared at him. Matt\'s eyes were downcast and he looked like someone who had just been told a beloved person had died, rather than a genius who had just cracked the greatest code their combined experience had ever encountered. They had both been working on this, on and off, since they arrived in Japan. Matt was shaking from head to toe. "Well done."



Matt just sagged. He sank onto the armchair and breath came out in a rush of relief. "Thank you. I\'ll get on with doing it."



"What were you afraid of?" Mello watched him with narrowed eyes. Matt just scrolled, not looking up. He picked up a pen to make a note and dropped it under the table. "Matt, what were you afraid of?" The redhead bit his lip until half turned white and, when Mello took a step towards him, actually flinched. The blond stood confused and re-evaluating. His gaze was drawn to a line staining the denim covering Matt\'s thigh. He had seen something like that before. In the early days of their reconciliation, while Mello was still heavily involved in the Mafia. It was done with a razor. "You\'re cutting again."



Matt\'s head snapped up to face him, bewilderment stark. "What?"



Mello raised his hands. "Enough. I surrender. I give up." He sank into the settee and took up his chocolate. "What do you want from me?" He bit viciously into the bar. "I treat you well and your mind starts to crack; I treat you mean and you seem whole again, but then you start that shit up. What do you want?"



"The marks on me. You did them." Matt replied, in a tiny voice. He left the laptop and knelt in front of Mello.



"Don\'t lie to me." Mello screamed. "If I ordered you to strip now, I\'d see it and I\'d know. Will you tell me hand on heart that you have not cut yourself?" Matt bowed his head. Mello pulled out his semi-automatic and pressed it against his lover\'s forehead. "Tell me!"



"Yes!" Matt squeaked. His hands linked behind his back and he leaned into the pistol. Silence hung like leaden weights around them.



The gun was lowered. Mello sighed, then bent down. "Come here." He reached under Matt\'s arm and guided him closer, then hugged him tightly. "I can\'t do it, Matty. I tried, for your sake, but I can\'t do it." There was no sassy response, no wilting shying away. "If I thought it was working, then maybe... maybe not." He pulled the redhead down, across his lap, until their chins rested on each other\'s shoulders. "All I\'m doing is knocking the spirit out of you and I miss you."



"What are you on about?" Matt replied dully.



Mello exhaled. "Matt, tell me what has been going on between us since..." He paused to remember. "Since the day you went out to scout the streets of the city."



"Right." His voice whispered in Mello\'s ear. "What do you want me to say?"



"The truth."



There was a quiver in his breathing, but Matt wasn\'t crying. Mello would have felt the tears. "You went schizophrenic on me and suddenly nothing I could do was right."



"What?" Mello felt cold. "Do you know why that was?"



"No. You didn\'t tell me." Matt breathed. "One minute we were having, well, a bit of a row. Next thing you turned into... I don\'t know."



"Oh fuck, Matt." Mello rubbed his back. "You really didn\'t know?"



"Know what? I\'m sorry, Mello, I\'m having trouble understanding what you want me to say."



"I\'ve really fucked up, I think." Mello swallowed hard. "I just want you to tell me the truth. Which did you prefer, how we\'ve been recently or how we were around Christmas?"



There was a pause, then Matt took a deep breath. His heart was thundering against Mello\'s chest. "Christmas."



"Then I\'ve really fucked up and I\'m sorry." Mello\'s hand left Matt\'s back to cover his own mouth. "Oh my God."



"Was that the right answer?" Matt asked softly.



"So, from your point of view, we went from getting along really, really well to me suddenly terrorising you?" Mello felt his nod. "Did you hazard any motivation for that?"



"Yes." Matt whispered. "I\'ve tried to think what I did wrong. I think it was answering you back one too many times when you were talking about sending me home. I\'m sorry I did that. Also..." He stopped.



"Tell me." Mello prompted when it was obvious that he wasn\'t going to go on.



"Forgive me for this please, but I think that the pressure of Kira finally got to you." Matt\'s whole body was as stiff as a board in Mello\'s arms. The trembling having given way to becoming completely petrified. "I don\'t mind, honestly. I just want to help you catch him."



"Oh God." Mello blasphemed. "You don\'t have to be forgiven for anything. It\'s me. I read a situation totally wrong. Shit." He stroked the back of Matt\'s head and then kissed his cheek. "You did nothing wrong. I thought it was what you wanted. I thought I was saving your sanity by doing it. It\'s crucified me. I\'ve really missed you." He gasped. "You stayed with me, thinking that?"



"Where else would I be?" Matt had begun shaking again. "Can you give me a moment to catch up, please? Because you are confusing the crap out of me."



Mello confessed. He spelt out his reasoning, until Matt sat back, pulling himself onto the arm of the chair to hear. The redhead took out his cigarettes and smoked one after the other, as the words spilled from Mello\'s lips. His version of a couple of weeks spent recoiling from the domination and the violence, but doing it anyway, because his rationale told him that, for unfathomable reasons, Matt felt safer and calmer in an environment like this. He ended with, "And you do. You seem so much more together. You\'re not cracking up every few days."



"I think the word you\'re struggling for is \'terrified\', as in Matt seems so much more terrified." Another cigarette was lit from the embers of the last. "You\'re really twisted, Mello. I swear it, man."



"But can you see what I was trying to do?" Mello asked.



"Yes. Unfortunately I can." Matt dropped off his perch and landed on his feet. "I\'m going to make us a drink and then carry on hacking into Yagami\'s computer."



"Matt, I\'m sorry."