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Blind Fury	By : HollowedRose Category: > Durarara!! (?????!! Dyurarara!!) Views: 6534 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!! and its characters. They belong to Ryohgo Narita. I'm not making any profit from this.

Chapter List
- 31
- 32
- 33
Chapter 32 - Porcelain Heart
They both stood there and awkwardly stared at each other for a few long moments, the stifling silence slowly starting to turn unbearable. Shinra knew that he was supposed to say something, but he had no idea what Celty wanted to hear. He sighed out loud and forced his legs to move, immediately noticing the way she tensed as he approached her. He saw her raise the PDA to type something, but he gently grabbed her hand and stopped her. He couldn't read her expression, because she didn't have her head, but everything about her posture told him that she was confused. "Whatever you want to say, it can wait," he told her just before he pulled her into a tight hug.
She hugged him back just as tightly, something she hadn't done since the day she cornered Izaya and forced him to reveal the truth. She hadn't been able to comfort Shinra before, because she didn't want him to know that she was aware of what happened between their two friends, but now that he knew, she hoped that she could somehow help him. She felt a bit guilty for what he was going through, because she was the one who insisted he made connections with other people, but she never imagined that he'd pick Izaya, and as terrible as the Informant was, even she felt some pity towards the man now that she knew what Shizuo had done to him. As much as he liked to believe otherwise, Orihara Izaya was only a man, and even though Shizuo was not exactly a monster, he was pretty close to one, at least in terms of physical strength, so it was only natural for the Informant to lose if he ever got caught. She was certain that it happened the night when Shinra got a strange phone call and went to Izaya's place, because he kept avoiding her questions whenever she inquired about the Informant's health. The bruises on the man's jaw, as well as the ones encompassing his neck, didn't make much sense back then, but now she finally understood why they were nothing like the injuries one would get after a regular fistfight.
"Let's go to the bedroom," Shinra suggested, feeling completely exhausted after the day's events. He sensed her stiffen in his arms and he sighed, feeling a bit hurt that she would think him capable of flirting with her in such a situation. "Do you have such a low opinion of me? I'm really tired, and honestly, at this point, I just want to hold you. I know you want it too," he then added in a completely serious tone.
If she had a head, Celty would've nodded, but she didn't, so all she could do was tighten her hold around his torso and hope that he understood her answer that was both an apology and a concession. She hated herself for only allowing him to be close to her when she sought comfort, but both people and monsters didn't change over night, and her bad habit of kicking him away each time he got close had been deeply ingrained. He released her and led her to the bedroom, and even though Celty knew that it wouldn't be for long, she still missed the warmth of his body.
Shinra kicked his shoes off and barely stopped himself from slumping onto the bed. Instead, he sat down and leaned his back against the headboard before he patted the spot in front of him for Celty to lie on. He smiled a bit when she crawled into his arms, but his joy felt bitter because of the circumstances that led to it. "They're both the biggest idiots in the whole wide world," he said, and Celty felt her heart shatter into a million pieces, his voice sounding more sorrowful than she ever remembered hearing it before. "Just because I hate Shizuo for what he did, it doesn't mean that I don't understand how it is to lose yourself to your anger. Izaya has this accursed talent of making people want to wring his neck, or to at least wipe that condescending smirk off his face, but you know, that's still no excuse for what that monster did."
She shifted a bit and typed on her PDA before showing it to Shinra. [ I still find it hard to believe that he'd do something like that. ]
"I understand how you feel. I don't think that I would've believed Izaya even if he told me himself, but the sample I took from him belonged to Shizuo. There's no denying that Izaya is a lying piece of shit sometimes, and quite the monster himself, but Shizuo took it too far. I don't know what Izaya did to piss him off, but Shizuo should've known better... he really should've known better..." said Shinra, his voice trembling in rage towards the end.
[ I know that he did it, ] she said, and then twisted and turned until she was resting with her back against his chest. It was easier for her to type like that, and also for him to read. [ He seemed really broken up about it. ]
Shinra hadn't meant to, but he sneered, and he could only hope that Celty wasn't offended by it, because his sneer wasn't directed at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."
[ It's ok, don't worry about it. ]
Shinra shook his head, feeling completely disgusted by Izaya's actions. "It doesn't matter anymore, because I'm done with both of them. I have no issues with Izaya taking revenge on Shizuo, because the monster deserves it, but to get you involved... that's an entirely different matter altogether. I can't forgive the brat, not this time. After everything I've done for him, to get betrayed like that... you could say that my friendship with him ended the moment he dared to hurt you, because that's when I drew the line."
[ He didn't hurt me, ] Celty rushed to assure him, feeling a bit guilty for breaking their friendship. She didn't like that the two of them were friends, but she couldn't deny that it helped Shinra to become more human, even if his friend happened to be a manipulative bastard.
Shinra grit his teeth harder, his anger towards Izaya burning hotter than ever. "He hurt you, I am certain, because I know you."
[ No, you don't understand. ]
"I understand perfectly," Shinra snorted, his grey eyes glaring daggers at the PDA as though it was responsible for his beloved's suffering.
[ I didn't give him a choice, ] she confessed.
Shinra's brows furrowed in confusion and he stared at the PDA, his mind trying to process the words written on the screen. "What do you mean?"
[ That day when we fought, I cornered Izaya in the stairwell and forced him to tell me the truth. ]
He sneered again, now even more pissed off than before. "No one can force Izaya to do anything."
[ I wouldn't be so sure about that. ]
"It's not like you beat the truth out of him... or did you?" he asked, slightly worried.
[ No, but I was a bit rough on him, and I refused to let him go until he told me the truth. ]
Shinra didn't know what to say to that, so he kept quiet and allowed her to continue.
[ I don't like him, ] she said, wanting to get it out of her system before she continued, because she didn't want the two of them to never talk to each other again because of her, no matter how much she despised the man.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and lowered his chin in the crook of her neck. "I know that."
She shivered a bit at the intimate contact but continued to type. [ Then you also know that I would never take his side unless he was really innocent. ]
He nodded and waited for her to continue.
[ He warned me that I would get hurt, and he gave me many chances to walk away, ] she admitted, and then took a small pause before typing again, [ but I kept pressuring him into telling me what happened. ]
Shinra was still mad at Izaya, but at the same time it sounded like the man had no choice but to tell her everything. There had been times when his friend had genuinely seemed scared of him, and he hated that, because Izaya wasn't supposed to ever be scared of anyone. "Perhaps I shouldn't have snapped at him like that," he reluctantly admitted, even though he was still pissed off about the whole situation.
[ And I shouldn't have forced him to reveal something that he would've preferred to keep a secret. ]
"I shouldn't have hidden the truth from you, but I didn't want to invade Izaya's privacy, and I also didn't want to see you hurt, because I know that Shizuo is your best friend," he said, and then he felt her stiffen in his embrace.
Celty's fingers hovered timidly above the keyboard for a few moments while trying to gather the courage to tell him how she felt about him. [ You're my best friend. ]
"Only that?" he asked in a voice that sounded almost foreign to him, because he'd never allowed so much bitterness to seep into his tone before.
[ No... ]
"Then what? Don't tell me that I'm like a little brother to you, because such an answer would certainly crush my heart to smithereens." He expected to get hit, or for her to at least get up, walk out, and then slam the door behind her, but what he didn't expect was for Celty to turn around and to nestle into his arms, her unexpected behavior leaving him so stumped that he had no idea how to react.
Celty slowly raised her hand with the intention to touch his face, and even though he jerked in surprise, she didn't pull back and instead proceeded to caress his cheek.
He kept hoping that one day Celty would be his, but after so long, he was beginning to have doubts, doubts which obviously turned out to be false, because there she was, nestled in his arms, being all affectionate and loving. He gently captured her wrist, pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it. "I don't care if death is the price for my audacity," he said and planted a kiss on her neck. He almost flinched when she started to squirm around, but no bodily harm came to him for his daring actions, and if that wasn't a sign that she was all right with it, then he didn't know what was. He loved everything about her, especially her scent, because she smelled fresh, unlike the human smell of death and decay. If 'perfection' had a name, Shinra knew that its name would be Celty. He smirked against her skin when the black smoke started to retract wherever his lips touched, and he dared to turn her around a bit and to go lower and lower towards her breast, the way she seemed to arch into his touch making him think that she was thoroughly enjoying it. "I love you," he said and then raised his head and crushed her into a hug, because no matter how much he wanted her, he didn't wish to take advantage of her when she was feeling depressed about her friend.
The moment he stopped, it was like she had been woken up from a dream, and she immediately used her shadowy smoke to cover her shoulders and neck, suddenly feeling extremely ashamed by how her body ended up reacting to his ministrations. She tried to pull away, because she felt the need to hide from him, but he chuckled darkly and only tightened his hold around her back and waist. "Running is no longer an option," he said in a low voice that almost sounded like a purr.
The passionate words made her shiver, and somehow, she felt hotter than she could ever remember feeling. Celty had known for a very long time that Shinra desired her, so she didn't need Izaya to tell her that, but his words did serve as a wake-up call, and as much as she disliked the man, she was a bit grateful to him for opening her metaphorical eyes. It had been her conscious choice to not let anyone get close to her, because as long as she didn't have her head, she feared that she could die at any moment. It upset her greatly that she was not in control of her own life, but she was slowly starting to realize that by denying her own desires, she was denying herself the right to live. Shinra knew that he could lose her at any moment, and yet he was still willing to follow his heart and to allow himself to love, and if he could do it, then so could she. Even if her head were to be kept safe, and she could go on living for a very long time, Shinra didn't have the same luxury, because his human life was bound to end at some point. It had to be terrifying for humans to live knowing that only death awaited them, to know that one day they would lose everything, be it the fortune they had acquired during their lifetime, or the people they loved or who loved them back. Death was only a possibility in her case, not a certainty, and if she felt that way, she could only imagine how much harder it had to be for Shinra to know that one day he would cease to exist. They both wanted and needed each other, and for the first time since she woke up without her memories, she had no problem in returning his feelings, because now she finally knew that she loved him back. It was only because it was Shinra that she would even consider such a possibility, and she shuddered at the thought of doing something intimate with anyone else. Both Shizuo and Izaya came to mind then, and she tore herself from his arms and rushed to the door.
"Did I do something wrong?" he asked in a trembling voice, hoping that he hadn't scared her or anything like that, because after getting a taste of her, he doubted that he could ever go back to not being able to touch her the way he truly wanted to.
[ I'm going to see Shizuo, ] she said and pressed the handle.
"What?" He nearly screeched and then rushed to grab her arm. "Don't go near him, please," he pleaded, hoping that she would heed his request.
She turned around and caressed his cheek once more with her free hand. [ Nothing bad will happen to me, I promise. ]
"Please don't go," he tried again.
[ I'll be back soon, I promise. ]
Shinra reluctantly released her arm, a maelstrom of emotions leaving him unable to think. He had no doubts that she'd be safe, but he still worried about her.
[ He won't hurt me, ] she said, and then rushed out of the apartment.
The weather was dark and gloomy as she stepped outside, and it felt somewhat fitting of such a depressing day. She got on her motorcycle and petted her beloved Shooter, the affectionate gesture always making her feel a bit better, because her horse-turned-bike was the only companion she had from before she lost her head and her memories along with it. She didn't rush to her destination, because she dreaded the conversation that awaited her, but she had to go there anyway. She could almost understand why people sometimes felt jealous when they saw other people being happy, because now, more than ever, she wished to be as carefree as some of the humans she passed by on her way to Shizuo's apartment. Hers and Shinra's universe had been turned upside down by their friends, but the world didn't seem to know or care. Izaya had interrupted her discussion with Shizuo, but she still wanted to finish it, now more than ever after realizing what a blasphemous thing it was to use sex in such a way.
She spent the rest of the way there thinking about what to tell him, and by the time he reached the apartment, it was starting to get dark outside. It was still pretty early though, and she doubted that he was sleeping, so she raised her hand and knocked a few times until she heard his footsteps as he approached the door.
"C-Celty?" he asked, confused at seeing her so soon after their discussion at Shinra's place. "Why are you here?"
She pulled out her PDA from inside the pocket of her jumpsuit and explained the reason for her visit. [ I didn't get to finish what I had to say because Izaya interrupted us, but if you don't mind, I'd like to continue from where we left off. ]
He reluctantly nodded and invited her inside. "Does Shinra know that you're here?"
[ Yes, I told him before I left. ]
He cringed just thinking how pissed off the doctor must've been when she told him where she was going, but he pushed that thought aside and sat down on the couch, his mind set on listening to what she had to say, whether it would tear him apart or bring him sweet relief.
She sat down next to him, not at all worried that he would hurt her in any way, because she was still a monster, and Shinra's worries were unfounded.
"Whatever it is that you have to say, say it, and then go back to Shinra; the sooner the better."
She felt pity for him, and even though she was shocked by what he did to Izaya, she still held the hope that he was not a completely terrible person. [ You must be hurting so badly right now, ] she said, and then continued when he gave her a grunt of assent, [ but no matter what Izaya did to you that day, you shouldn't have taken it out on him like that. ]
"Nothing..." he said in an apathetic voice.
[ ? ]
"He didn't do anything," he admitted, his blank expression hiding the torment he felt within.
[ I'm not sure that I understand what you mean... ]
His mask fell off and his features twisted in pain, his heart aching as the memories of that day flooded his mind. "He didn't do anything at all."
Celty watched him in disbelief for a few moments before she finally found the strength to move, her fingers quivering badly as she slowly typed her question. [ Is that true, or are you trying to make yourself into the villain for Izaya's sake? ] Shizuo's broken laugh sent a shiver down her spine, and when she looked into his eyes, she could swear that she saw a bit of madness in there, something that she couldn't remember ever seeing before.
"I wish that he would've done something, because then I'd at least have an excuse," he said, the corners of his lips turning upwards into a maniacal smirk, "but the flea was innocent this time around, and his only sin was that he refused to apologize to me for all the shit he's done over the years."
[ You told me that when you drown in rage, you sometimes lose yourself to the point that you are no longer aware of your actions. ]
Shizuo nodded, the insane smirk still not leaving him.
[ Is that what happened with Izaya? ] she asked, and she almost shrank back when his expression turned wild, as though he was starting to lose his mind.
"Oh, no, I remember everything, because I wanted to break the flea. I wanted to ruin him, and I wanted to destroy him, because I'm nothing more than a monster, and that's what monsters do, right?"
Her heart sank, finally starting to understand his behavior. [ You can't chase me away like this. You can act evil all you want, but it will be my choice whether I walk away from you or stay by your side, ] she said, and then saw how his crazed expression fell and was replaced by a tormented one.
Despite how horrible he felt, he still smiled a bit. "I've never been very good at lying."
[ You're a terrible liar, ] Celty conceded.
"But you're wrong this time around," he said, his smile turning into a frown. "Everything I've said is true. Izaya really didn't do anything to provoke me that evening, and even though I gave him a chance to walk away, I still shouldn't have done that to him just because he refused to apologize. I enjoyed it, Celty, I really did, because for once, that fucked up flea was at my mercy, and the feeling was exhilarating. I hurt him badly, because I wanted him to remember what it meant to mess with Ikebukuro's beast, to the point that he'd regret ever crossing paths with me." He then grabbed the cigarette pack and the lighter from the coffee table with trembling hands and lit one up, once again falling prey to his bad habit of smoking when he was either angry or nervous. And he was nervous, because he knew that his words would chase Celty away, but it was only fitting for him to lose everything after inflicting so much emotional damage onto the flea. "I succeeded, because he will never forget. He always thought that I was a monster, and instead of showing him otherwise, I proved him right, because I'm nothing more than a stupid beast, and I deserve nothing less than death for my sins. He won't let me die though, not yet, not until I break too, I know that now," he said and then suddenly grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to him. He leaned towards her, the way her smoke was spilling from underneath her helmet telling him that she was either angry, nervous, or perhaps both. "Do you really think it's safe to be around me?"
Celty tried to pull her hand away to answer his question, but he didn't let go, so she had to type from a rather awkward position. [ You don't scare me. ]
"But you should be afraid of me," he said and kept tightening his grip until he saw that he was causing her pain. It was only then that he released her wrist and hoped that she would finally leave and never come back. He took a drag from the cigarette and smirked, inwardly trying to convince himself that he felt no regret for his actions. He was a monster, and monsters weren't supposed to feel regret, or at least that's what he remembered Izaya telling him before. "I knew it right then, as I was thrusting into his broken, bleeding body, that I was a monster. Even you have to admit, Celty, that no normal person would enjoy that, but I did. It felt so good to humiliate that fucked up flea, and even though a part of me regrets it, the monster in me rejoices at the victory."
[ You're despicable! ] she finally snapped, feeling completely sickened by his words.
"Yes, I am," he admitted and took another drag from the cigarette.
Celty was so upset that she couldn't even sit down anymore, so she sprang to her feet and furiously typed on the PDA, almost dropping the device in the process. [ Sex is supposed to be something intimate between two people who love each other, not a weapon to terrorize and debase another person! ]
"There are people, and then there are animals. Guess which one am I? You were wrong about me. I'm not the person you thought I was. You almost made me believe that I was human, but now I know better," he said and crushed the cigarette butt into the ashtray before getting up as well. "You see, you and I are opposites. I'm a human who's really a monster, and you're a monster who's more human than most people I know, so run along, little Dullahan, go back to Shinra before you end up getting hurt by a real monster." He stopped her when she raised her PDA to write some more, and then grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of his apartment before he slammed the door into her non-existent face.
He laughed brokenly as he sat down on the couch, his eyes filling with tears at the realization that he had just chased away his friend. He didn't deserve to have anyone by his side, and she certainly didn't deserve to get involved into Izaya's games, so it was best if both her and Shinra kept their distance, because he was the only one who was supposed to break, and he didn't want to drag them down with him. He knew that he had damaged Izaya, but it wasn't until their discussion outside of Shinra's apartment that he realized just how much he had broken the flea. He could feel the tears starting to run down his cheeks, but he no longer cared, because no one was there to see him, and even though he was a monster, even monsters were allowed to cry once in a while.
He stayed there for a while, chain-smoking the remaining cigarettes until he was sure that Celty was gone. Only then did he get up, got dressed and left the apartment, his mind set on getting drunk. It felt as though he could no longer go on if his mind didn't get some rest from the torment he was constantly feeling, and for the first time in over two months, he wanted to forget everyone and everything, if only for a few hours.
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Blind Fury COMIC on:
http://pendulumdeath.tumblr.com/post/86779046037/
or
http://pendulumdeath.deviantart.com/art/FanFic-Writers-Never-Learn-455787650/
I hope you like it. ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ
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Blind Fury