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Life After Near Death	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 14426 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
- 31
- 32
- 33
"Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind."

― Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Chapter 32

An Unlikely Advisor
Gray and Rei walked together into a hallway adjacent to the main showroom of the strip club. There were small private rooms with mirrors on the walls and colored lights flashing. She brought Gray to the back, a bigger room than the others, with a wide couch and a spacious platform where she could dance, surrounded on all sides by mirrors like some sensual fun-house. Instead, she sat on the couch with Gray, not too close, and brought forward a bowl of grapes for him to eat. He turned her down, but he did accept a glass of ice wine she poured for them both.
"All right, we're alone," he said sternly. "I want to know what you and Natsu did."
"No you don't," she said, calmly sipping her wine.
"Yes, I—"
"No. You don't," she said again. She set the wineglass down and looked straight at him. "What you truly want to know is what he hasn't done."
Gray's brow pinched together.
"Unless anything has changed since his last visit with me, he's a virgin," she said passively.
Gray was amazed that this little fact was what he had truly been wondering about. The details … she was right, he did not really want to hear about all that. What Natsu did with this woman was no different than what he had done with women in the past. What truly made Gray curious was not what things Natsu did with Rei-chan, but what ways he could surprise Natsu, things he had never experienced, pleasures the Dragon Slayer did not yet know. He wanted to be able to do something, anything, that would be a first for Natsu.
"He's your first love, isn't he?" Rei-chan asked.
Seriously, this woman was uncanny! How did she do that? Mind-reading?
"I'm not psychic," she said. "I make it my profession to read body language, and you, Gray-dear, are a novel. So, first love?"
Softly, Gray answered, "I'm not sure if it's love."
She looked like she did not believe him. "If you say so. What did I teach him?" she asked, segueing into the subject. "That's what you think you want to know, right? Well, he came here with Loke-dear, downcast and heartbroken. It seems the person he loved," she said, staring hard at Gray, "said he saw Natsu-dear as nothing more than a brother."
"I didn't say nothing more!" Gray protested. "I said he was like a brother. It was a compliment, letting him know he was closer than just a friend. I … I never meant it bad."
"He took it hard," Rei-chan told him. "He was in love with you even back then, and for much longer than that. He really, truly loves you." She smiled wistfully. "I'm envious. I've never had a man love me like he loves you."
"So he came here, huh?"
"Yes."
"And you taught him kissing?"
"That was his initial concern. He had not kissed many times in the past and wanted to learn how to give the most amazing first kiss in the world. I hope he succeeded."
Gray blushed as he thought about those nervous kisses on the hill. Natsu had said later that he pulled away in disgust because he kissed Gray wrong. He wondered what Natsu wanted as a first kiss. Then he thought about how amazingly he had kissed the next time, making out on top of the souvenir stand, and the raw passion of those fiery lips.
Rei-chan giggled as she saw the blushing memories play through Gray's eyes. "He wanted to give you pleasure, Gray-dear. I taught him about ways to do that. I also taught him how to respond to pleasure."
"Blow jobs," he said scathingly.
"Yes. He honestly had no clue what to do, what they even were besides, as he put it, dick-in-mouth sex. I showed him and instructed him using his own body as a template."
Gray let out a disgusted groan. That bastard! Even if he was ignorant… "What else?" he growled.
"What he really wanted was not me, not a woman. He wanted you, and you alone. He wanted a man. Now, it's not easy for a woman to teach a man how to pleasure another man. I tried my best, but in the end," she smiled apologetically, "I can only do so much. He refused to have a male brought in. Me: he didn't really care too much. I'm just me," she chuckled with a wide shrug. "But a man? That was a completely different issue for Natsu-dear. You see, he wanted no other man … but you!"
Hearing that both amazed Gray and left him ambivalent. "So, did you do him with a strap-on?"
"I offered," she answered bluntly. "He didn't want that. Fingers only. It worked well enough. I had to figure out how to teach him with such restrictions."
"You didn't have to," Gray shouted. "He paid you to!"
She stared at him hard. "No, he didn't."
Gray's fury shattered like a dropped block of ice, and he whispered in shock, "What?"
"He offered to," she amended. "I felt it wasn't right, a boy like him hiring me to teach him how to show love to another. I sometimes took money in the form of food: lunches, dinners, and dates." She saw Gray staring with his mouth dropped, and she giggled. "You're looking at me as if I'm crazy."
"You're a professional. Why would you turn down the money?"
"I don't need money, Gray-dear. I don't get too many men who will take me out to dinner and not want to get into my panties. Natsu-dear was like that. He never saw me for just boobs, hips, and a pussy," she said with a bit of spite showing through. Then she smiled fondly in memories. "He saw me for who I am, just another human in need of a friend. So that's how he repaid me."
"By taking you out on dates?" Gray asked in disbelief.
She gazed at him firmly. "Outside of this club, it was completely platonic. Inside, it was purely business. There was never love between us or any emotions besides friendship, admiration, and mutual respect."
"While on the side, you were giving him blow jobs," Gray shouted.
She folded her arms imperiously. "While on the side, I was training him … for you! He did all that because he wanted to be ready, and he was incredibly intimidated by you."
"Intimidated?" Gray scoffed.
She smiled as if correcting a child. "Gray-dear, you're a lot like me."
"What?" he shouted. "I do not prostitute myself!"
She chuckled at his simple misunderstanding. "Neither do I. If sex is involved, which it rarely is in this business, I never insist on money, nor do I set a price for my services. The laws of Fiore forbid sexual favors in exchange for Jewels."
"But … but you're a stripper."
She smiled cunningly. "You of all people should know that removing one's clothing and performing fellatio are totally and utterly different acts."
Gray blushed at how bluntly she put it.
"If a man wants to repay me, he does so in whatever way he deems appropriate. Usually, it's jewelry and other forms of vain flattery. Once, I was given a sapphire the size of your fist by a wealthy client who felt I was deserving of more than money. Don't tell me you've never had sex with a woman after paying her by buying her many drinks, or paying for the hotel, or perhaps purchasing some earrings she wants."
Gray glared frigidly. He had done that, buying women gifts because he felt they deserved something for giving him a good time. He never once thought of it as payment, but the action was the same.
"That's not what I mean, anyway," she said, dismissing the moral dilemma. "We both like pleasure. You can't say you don't. I know you do; I can see it. Right there in your heart, I can see … you know the comforts of women!" She chuckled lewdly. "Quite a few, apparently. How many women have you slept with? Twenty? Fifty? You lost count after the tenth one, didn't you?"
Gray stared in silent suspicion. "You can see that? In my heart?"
"Yes. I told you, my specialty is seeing the hearts of men. It's where I truly make my money: teaching men, training them. I don't take them merely to fuck them. I train them so they can go on and have wonderful, happy lives with the person they love. Sometimes sex is involved, often it's not. In that respect, I'm not as bad as you, who fucks women because your dick gets hard."
"Hey!" he shouted.
"But Natsu-dear," she smiled, pressing past what she said, "was intimidated by your prolific and profligate past. He knew you were experienced, and he wasn't. He was truly terrified because he barely knew how to kiss someone, yet you were running off having threesomes."
"That was just that once," he shouted defensively.
"It hurt him. Deeply. So many times, I had to comfort him because of something you did that shattered his heart. I began to wonder if you were good for my dear boy. I almost resented you."
Gray fell silent with guilt. He really had said some cold things to Natsu over the past year.
"I'll be honest, since it's you. I never keep track of clients outside of this establishment. I don't care what they do in their personal life. I don't love them, I don't befriend them, and I certainly don't waste my time fantasizing about them. Natsu-dear was different. Him, I wanted! For the first time, although I kept things professional like always, I admit that I took quite a bit of pleasure from what he did. I looked forward to his visits. He was the first man in a very long time who was able to make my heart race. Teaching him was far more than mere business for me. It was a definite pleasure!" she purred.
She felt the room drop in temperature, and the mirrors on the walls began to frost.
"He was loyal to you, though," she went on. "I actually felt jealous. I felt you weren't right for him. I feared you'd continue hurting him." She stood and walked around the couch. "To tell you the truth, I'm a bit torn today," she said, striding slowly in her sharp heels. She glanced down at Gray, although he kept his face forward, looking at her in the mirror. "I could give you horrible advice, convince you that loving a man is a mistake, sunder you and Natsu-dear, and let you break his heart once more." She leaned over the back of the couch, letting her hair drape over him, and traced around the guild mark on his chest. "He would run directly here for comfort, run right into my arms, where he knows he'll always have someone he can talk to about the most intimate emotions. Then, with you out of the picture … well, perhaps he would want to take up my offers—"
"No!" Gray shouted, bolting around at her in jealousy. "Stay the hell away from Natsu, you hear me!"
She leaned into Gray's face and whispered deviously, "Why should I?"
"Because! He … he's…" Gray choked up.
She straightened back up with a chuckle and continued her circle around the couch. "Just because he's in love with you? What do you care? What emotional connection do you have with him?" Her voice went as smooth as caramel syrup. "What do you want from him?"
"I … I want … something … with him." Gray shivered as he tried to sort out his mind. He felt like she was pushing him toward a cliff, and he had no clue how far he would fall.
"Something?" she smirked. "A relationship?" She saw Gray cringe and blush. "Well…" She climbed up onto the low stage and leaned sensually back on the brass pole, inspecting him while tracing her lip with a long fingernail. "So do I!"
Gray's eyes crackled as he vehemently glared up at her, and every mirror in the room instantly frosted over in spiderwebs of ice.
"Jealous?" Rei-chan twirled gracefully on the pole as she observed him with amusement. "You're not sure about him, are you?" She slithered behind the pole and peeked out around the brass edge. "You're not sure if you can love him." She continued an easy spin, followed by pushing herself off of the pole and stepping down from the private stage. "Or maybe—" She walked up to Gray, placed her hands on his thighs, and leaned right into his face. "—maybe you're not sure if you can love anyone."
There it was again, that uncanny ability!
She smiled again, observing and finding pure amusement in Gray's open expressions. She took a seat on the couch again and straightened out her low-cut secretarial blouse. "Natsu wasn't sure either." She picked up her wineglass with delicate fingers and took a refined sip. "I mean, he had never thought of being bisexual, barely knew what it meant, just as I'm sure you barely know what it means to be demisexual."
"To be what?" he asked.
"See," she smirked. "You're both so innocent; it's cute. He never thought about men that way until you collapsed at his feet, made him worry endlessly, and stole a piece of his heart. I'm pretty sure it's the same for you. It must have been something momentous to make you start thinking about him as more than a friend. Maybe that weakness in his heart. Was that it? Seeing him a little weaker, passing out, that awful surgery. I bet it happened sometime around then. I could tell, you know. The first time we met when you were still in a wheelchair, you had a different look in your eyes. Maybe you were a little … curious … but not like that. Not to the point of wanting it. When I bumped into you outside of the hospital, I saw it then. Yes, definitely you were aware of feeling something. You riled up so easily when I talked about how he kissed. It was so obvious!"
"What was obvious?" he asked warily.
She tilted her head with a devious smile. "You tell me. How do you feel about Natsu-dear?"
Gray looked down at his hands. "I … don't know."
"I think you do—"
"I don't!" he yelled. "That's the problem! I don't fucking know what I'm feeling!"
He felt a crack in his heart. What was he saying? Why was he even talking to this woman? Yet the words poured out of that crack like a stream flowing over a waterfall that had been frozen all winter.
"I've fantasized about him, and … it's weird! I've never dreamed things like that about anyone else in my life. I mean, I've had some damned horny dreams, but never like those! It's more than just blurry sex in those dreams. He talks to me, says he wants to be my first love. He keeps asking me if I'm in love with him yet. How the hell would he know I've never been in love?"
"It's your dream. Natsu-dear probably doesn't know you've never loved before."
"No, he knows now," Gray grumbled. "The brat got me to confess it a couple weeks ago."
"I see. How long have you been having these dreams?"
"Shit, I have no idea. Months! I thought they were hell at first. I mean, it's an unspoken rule: no fantasizing over teammates. We all do anyway. I've had plenty of kinky dreams about Erza and Lucy, but this … it's different! I never felt like that toward those two. Sure, they're cute, but I would never fuck them."
"But you're willing to sleep with Natsu-dear?"
"I don't know! I don't know what to think, or what to feel, or anything. Fuck, this is crazy! Relationships aren't supposed to be this hard."
"What are they supposed to be?" she asked calmly.
"Fun, sexy, wild…"
"Sensual? Sexually fulfilling? Emotionally thoughtless? When they get too deep, too difficult, too angsty and challenging, when you have to actually care about what your words and actions do to the other person, when you realize her needs become less about you and more about herself, you label her as greedy, selfish, she wants too much of your time, she expects too much out of you, it's time to move on, no need for clingy girlfriends, no desire for more than fun dating, sexy make-outs, and wild nights in bed. Certainly nothing that involves serious commitment. In three months, you've forgotten her name."
He glared up at her but said nothing. She had pretty much just described almost every relationship he ever had.
"Does that terrify you, thinking it'll be the same way with Natsu-dear? It'll be fast, savage, fleeting, it'll burn out in a month, and then the team will be in ruins. No, worse than that. You're afraid you'll be the one in tatters, alone, crying the same tears you've made so many girls cry. You're afraid this is one massive setup for karma to bitch-slap you for all those times."
He still said nothing and stared at her suspiciously.
"Be honest: what do you feel for me?" she asked.
"For you? Wariness and disgust," he answered bluntly. "No offense," he added as an after-thought.
"None taken. What else?" She leaned in closer. "What do you feel about me, Gray-dear?"
He gulped thickly and did not break eye contact. "I'm still curious."
"About everything we've done?"
"Yes," he breathed.
Her eyebrow quirked up. "Do you really want to know?"
He hesitated. "I don't know."
She chuckled and patted his cheek. "So honest! It's charming." She leaned back and took a sip of wine. "What we did together: hmm. It was a few months back, you realize. He stopped coming here when you started to act jealous sometime near the beginning of summer."
Gray looked aside, trying to think when that must have been. He had snapped at Natsu many times about Rei-chan, calling her some awful names, demeaning the Dragon Slayer for taking a prostitute.
"Like I said before, I taught him how to kiss, I taught him how to respond to touches to the body, I told him what gay sex involved, and I had to teach him how to have anal sex. That included how to loosen up his partner if he was the one to top, and how to accept being loosened up if you're the one who wants to do it."
"Me?" he whispered. He remembered what Natsu said. "Even if you decide that you only want to top, that's also fine with me. I don't care who does what, so long as we have fun doing it and we both like it."
"It can go either way, you know," Rei-chan told him. "Do you have much experience with that?"
His brow tensed up. "Minimal. I mean, I'm used to girls, so … I don't know if I can … um … be the one … receiving," he said awkwardly.
She smiled at his hesitancy. "Well, it's not like when you make a decision, you're stuck in that position for life. You could try both, see what you like, or just do one for now and switch when you're comfortable. There are plenty of things two men can do that don't involve penile penetration at all, and those activities are highly pleasurable according to the homosexual men I know."
"Things … to do?" Gray asked.
"Oral sex, definitely. Even most women prefer receiving oral to vagina sex. Stroking each other off can really bring two people closer together. Frotting seems to be a favorite. Something about stroking off your partner with your own cock … men really love that. I can see how it can be empowering and pleasuring."
Gray gulped hard, thinking about the dreams he had of Natsu's hot mouth, fiery touches, and how amazing it felt when Natsu began to thrust against him on that souvenir stand, stroking his arousal with the hardness in his own trousers.
Rei-chan gave a quick glance down. "You enjoy thinking about doing those things with him."
Gray choked up and put his hands down to hide his groin.
"Dear, I see erections every day. No need to feel embarrassed. It's good that you think about it, about the plethora of possibilities you two have. Besides, you'll probably start slowly, right? Natsu-dear wanted to go slow, to have a true relationship first. I think how he put it was, 'I want to have the sort of relationship with him where we have fun more than have sex. Even if sex is fun, it shouldn't be the only thing.' Cute, isn't he!" she smiled proudly. "It's not about sexual attraction at all with him. He loves you so much, and he wants a deep, meaningful relationship, not mindless sex. Can you give that to him?" she asked, looking serious. "Can you love him? Are you capable of showing him that love? Because if you can't, you'll only break his heart, and his heart has suffered more than enough damage thanks to you."
Gray looked down with guilt. Could he show love? Was he even in love at all? "I don't know if I can," Gray confessed softly. "But … I want to."
Rei-chan smiled as if she just managed a major victory.
Gray's fists clenched, and he suddenly shouted, "If he wants all of that, why'd he come to you at all?"
"He wanted to know what to do when the time came, and he knew he should learn both ways, top and bottom, just in case. Do you already know what you'd want when you two get to that point? Or are you like him and hesitant?"
"I guess … it'd be fair … taking turns," Gray whispered awkwardly. "Being the one to … you know … to be on top … I'm used to that, so it'd be easier at first, but … maybe … I maybe could try it the other way if we … um … built up to it. Maybe other things first. Slowly ease into more."
"Good for you," she grinned. "Now, that wasn't too hard."
"What else did you do to him?" Gray grumbled.
"What more did I teach Natsu-dear?" she asked, humming with her finger on her lip. "Well, I also taught him how to touch me back. Normally, I have to teach men how to touch my breasts or how to finger inside, what direction to curl the fingers to hit the G-spot, how to thrust inside while rubbing the clit. You'd be surprised how many men screw up a simple fingerbanging—"
"Shut up and just tell me about Natsu!" he snapped.
"He touched me," she said bluntly.
"Your…"
"My ass. Inside."
"And only that? He didn't … to you…"
She looked at him with professional comportment. "If I was in need of any additional stimulus, that was up to me, not him. He offered out of politeness a few times, but I kept things professional."
"He never … got you off?"
"He did, but that was not a goal."
"He never … stuck it in?"
"Fingers only, ass only. He never fingered my vagina. There was no point in him doing that for training him in gay sex."
"And you never … to him with a … a thing?"
"I used a butt plug on him once. He refused to accept a strap-on. He said that was too much like real sex, and he wanted his first time being taken to be you and you alone."
"So you two … you never—"
"No. He's not interested in me. He didn't want sex with a woman. In a sense, I was training him to be gay." She smiled sympathetically. "Perhaps you need it, too." She rubbed a hand up his leg. "Just training."
"N-no," he muttered, moving away from her sensual hand. "I—"
"You want to top, don't you? Like you said, it's what you're used to, what scares you least. However, it's nothing like with a woman. Do you know how to loosen him so you can enter him?"
Gray stuttered. Loosen? What?
"Do you know how to make him feel as good as he makes you feel?"
Gray froze as he looked at her. This was what he wondered about, worried about, why he came here in the first place, hoping he could talk to someone, learn a little, but … but not…
"I don't want to learn that with you," he admitted.
"Because he learned with me?"
"Yes! And because it's … it's weird. I mean, no offense but … using someone else…"
"How else are you going to learn?"
"Not with you!" he shouted. "I'd rather wing it than use a prostitute."
"You'd rather potentially embarrass yourself in front of Natsu-dear."
"I don't care if he laughs! Better than making him cry."
She pulled back with a smile. "Well done. How about you ask him to teach you? He could show you what to do. You could work it out together. He'll show you how it's done."
Gray cringed. "Which mean, our first time … I would be…?"
"It might be easier the first time to let him be in charge so you can observe and learn, but it doesn't have to be that way. He knows how to guide you no matter what you decide. That's something else I taught him: how to teach you, because he reasoned you were not homosexual and had never had gay sex. I taught him how to instruct you so that your first time together can be less blind fumbling and more pleasurable lovemaking."
Gray looked down. He just had to admit that he had never had gay sex, and Natsu would teach him. He doubted Natsu would tease him, not when he was still a virgin and he knew Gray was skittish. They could work it out, Gray could be on top with Natsu telling him what to do next, how to pleasure him, how to touch him, panting as he whimpered instructions until finally—finally—they were both ready to stick it inside, and Gray could fill up that hot body, fill him and show him wild passion.
"Why the hell am I thinking about this?" he shouted in aroused frustration.
"Because deep down inside, under all of your fears, you want this. You want it with him, because you're in love. For the first time in your life, you are truly in love, and that's why you're actually giving a damn about the other person, something a man like you can't do normally." She stood and straightened her skirt. "Try to figure yourself out, then talk to him. That's my suggestion, and that's my three thousand Jewel love advice." She turned and began to walk to the door.
"What did he do to you?" Gray shouted out.
She gave a sigh of exasperation. "I told you—"
"How…" He gulped hard. "How did it feel?"
Her eyes softened. "Incredible," she confessed softly. "Like I said, he's one of the few men I really wanted. And he's the only man I couldn't get, because he wanted only you. I'm the one who should be jealous of all the joy you'll get in the future, not you for the modicum of pleasure I took in the past."
Gray's brow pinched. "Can … can you use something … something else … something that can show me what to do for him without me … touching you … without sticking it in?"
She folded her arms and considered him. "I have a prop. You could buy one of your own. It's not the same, though. You can't know what hurts without someone physically there to tell you, and each person is different."
Gray's eyes closed. "I … I don't want to hurt him the first time."
"Do you want me to get it? I can show you how to use it, guide you through it."
He thought about it for a few seconds. "I don't know," he whispered. "I … I'm not…" His face collapsed down into his hands. "Shit, I don't know what I want."
Rei-chan left the room, and in just a few seconds she returned. "Here, this is it."
Gray looked at the item in her hands. "It's a plastic ass," he muttered, not sure if that was hilarious or disgusting.
"Silicone, actually." She held up a bottle. "Do you know what this is?"
"Lube," he said. "I'm not an idiot."
"Natsu-dear had no clue the first time. Now, give me your hand." She yanked his hand to her despite a sharp Hey of protest. "Two fingers," she said, holding his other fingers down. "Three if you really want to help loosen him, but always start with one. You put lube on your finger…" She drizzled some onto him.
"Hey!" Gray shouted, really disgusted now.
"It's a fresh bottle, just opened it," she assured him. "And this is sterilized, just so you know." She smacked the rubber ass until the cheeks jiggled. "Now, you have to go slowly. This is going to feel way different than a pussy." She pulled his fingers to the ass.
"I don't wanna stick my—" Before he could finish, she slid his finger into the butt. "Sheesh! Thanks!"
"Do you feel the tight ring of muscles?" she asked.
Gray looked away from her probing eyes. "Y-yeah. Kinda squeezes."
"That's what you're going to feel with him."
Gray remembered that one lady into butt sex. He recalled how tight it had felt.
"You can't just ram in there. Ease in, and listen to him. He'll tell you when to stop and when to do more. Now, if you go a bit deeper—" She pressed his wrist to get him to go in more. "Feel that lump? The prostate. You want to aim for that. He'll love it. Then two fingers to spread him…"
"I don't want—"
"It's all right," she said soothingly. Guiding Gray's wrist, she made him thrust back and forth into the silicone ass with two fingers. "It's just your hand and just a toy. It's fake. I'm only a guide. This is just training."
Gray gulped hard as he looked at her delicate fingers on his wrist. "Is this how you trained him?"
"Yes, at first."
"But eventually you used your own ass, right?" he glared.
She looked back at Gray with no intimidation. "He was rough. He needed to learn how to be gentle. You can't learn how to be tender toward a partner when your toy can't feel."
He saw some of the hurt in her eyes. She knew the cold fact: she had been a toy, a living tool to train on. Natsu never felt anything romantic toward her. In a way, it was a bit sad.
"Well!" Gray yanked his hand back and stood up. "I think I'll wash my hands and take my leave."
"You can use my private parlor—"
"I'll use the restroom, thank you very much," he snapped.
She sat back and watched him open the door. "Gray-dear!"
He froze and did not turn around. "What?" he whispered frigidly.
"Practice on yourself."
He spun around. "What!"
"You heard me." She looked at him seriously. "Learn to be gentle for his sake, and learn what to expect for your own sake. Practice. On yourself."
Gray scoffed in disgust and took off. Rei-chan sat back and picked up her wineglass with a devious smirk.
"He's so going to try it later," she muttered to herself.

Gray arrived home in a huff. Not even lunchtime, and already he was frustrated.
"I can't believe Loke!" he growled to himself. "What does Lucy even see in him?"
In the comfort of his own home, Gray's clothes went flying. He walked to the kitchen and pulled the milk out of the refrigerator, chugging it straight from the carton. He wiped off the white mustache left behind and stared out at nothing.
"That lady," he whispered. Rei-chan was plain creepy, figuring him out so easily despite his icy barriers and cold defenses.
He looked down at his fingers. He had scrubbed his hands, but those two fingers still felt weird. If he wanted that—if he wanted a physical and sexual relationship with Natsu—he would have to touch him. There!
"I wonder how it feels." He scoffed at the idea and put the milk back away. "Probably hurts," he decided. He thought about watching some television, but he paused at a picture of the team hanging on the wall, focusing on Natsu's face. "Still," he whispered. "I wonder. If it hurts … I don't want to hurt him. I want it to feel good. For both of us. Like he said, we're equals in this. It should feel good for both."
He was bored, the day was young, and he had not stroked himself that morning since he had that wet dream. He had gotten hard too many times with Rei-chan, and now he figured he should do something about it. He knew he had lube around somewhere, although he had not needed to use it in over a year. He went to the bedroom, removed the rest of his clothes, opened a drawer to find his lube, and flopped back on the mattress with his back propped up on pillows. He was already half hard just thinking about it. Nothing to do but at least give it a try.
He slicked up three fingers. Immediately, as easily as he had done to the sex toy, he reached around and tried to stick a finger up his ass.
"Oww! Okay, yeah, it hurts." He realized Rei-chan was right. He had to go slowly. He also decided he needed to trim his nails, but that could wait until next time.
Wait. Next time? Was he already deciding this could be a routine?
He tried it again, easing a single finger in slowly, flinching at the discomfort, and trying to avoid catching his nail that he had let grow for a week.
"Well, this isn't gonna work," he grumbled.
He tried once more, pressed, flinching, his nail caught something again and hurt, and he ended up yanking his hand away in frustration.
"How the hell do guys do this?" he cried out.
Gray got up, went to the bathroom, and cleaned his hand. He trimmed his nails and carefully tended a hangnail. He put a little lotion on as well, just to soften up the calluses on his hands. Then he went back to the bedroom, flopped down again, and put a pillow under his hips to lift his butt. He had done this for a virgin once to help her during her first time, and he figured it might make things easier for him as well. After all, he was an ass-virgin.
He pulled forth the lube, slicked up again, and tried to relax his body. He thought about things he had told girls in the past. 'Relax. It'll be fine. Don't tense up and it'll feel real good.' He could not believe he was taking the same advice he gave girls! Still, he figured relaxing had to be the crucial step in making this work, considering how uncertain and tense he was.
A few slow breaths, then Gray rubbed the puckered ring, just as he had fingered girls, getting them used to the feeling first. It was weird, even a little gross, but he tried to stop thinking about where he was touching and just enjoy it. He had to admit, playing on the rim felt really nice.
Slowly, easing little by little, the finger worked in. It took almost two minutes before his whole finger was in there. Although it was still a weird sensation, it was not bad.
"Well, that seems better," he sighed.
Then he tried to move.
"Oww! Shit, oww. What the hell am I doing wrong?" he yelled. "Maybe I should have taken her offer … no! Hell no! I'm not gonna finger-bang the same lady as Natsu. That's just … ugh!"
He collapsed back and let out his breath. He had not realized he was holding air and tensed up. As soon as he relaxed, his finger slipped on its own. He decided to add a little more lube, and he found the thrusting to go easier. It was starting to feel really good instead of just weird and painful.
He laughed to himself. Who would have thought! He was actually taking pleasure in fingering his own ass.
Suddenly, he felt sparks and intense pleasure burst through him. Gray moaned louder than he ever did just stroking himself.
"What … the … hell?" he panted. "Prostate. Must be that. I've read about that. That lady, she mentioned it. Holy shit!" he cried out as he found it again. "This feels … really good. Damn, that's … wow!"
He laughed again. He never imagined this in his fantasies! Now he wanted to see how Natsu would react when touched here. As he sought it out again, he closed his eyes and pictured it, how Natsu would arch up, moan loudly, and tremble as Gray's hand pleasured him.
"I'm … really doing this, aren't I?" he said to himself. He could hardly believe he was getting himself off this way, and even more surprised that he never thought of trying it before. He had labeled anything dealing with his anus as gay, but now Gray was realizing that he had been missing out on a whole world of pleasure purely out of homophobic misconceptions.
It was his own finger. There was nothing gay about masturbation.
Still, he let his mind drift down that path. He closed his eyes again and imagined. How would Natsu's hands feel? How would it be like, those burning fingers sliding inside, those narrow eyes watching him, that voice speaking low and seductive words.
"Oh shit," Gray gasped, getting caught up in the fantasy. His other hand reached up and stroked his hardened cock. "Oh shit!"
Gray squirmed on his bed until the pillow slid from under his hips.
If it was this…
Did he want this with Natsu?
Oh hell yes!
"Natsu," he whispered. "A dick's a lot bigger than a finger, though."
He grabbed the lube, squirted more down, and prepared a second finger. He pulled back, then slowly nudged the other finger inside.
"Shit! Ow, ow, ow! Okay … ow … that's not as easy as I figured. Shit, slower, gentler. Sheesh, maybe it's a good thing I'm practicing on my own." He rested there with the second finger only barely nudged in. His face cringed. "I knew it. This is gonna hurt. Why would two guys even want this?"
Still, if it felt good the first time, maybe it would feel better once he got the second one in and stretched out. Trying to relax, he forced the finger on up, feeling the tightness resisting the intrusion. Gray clenched his teeth, but straining hurt worse. He panted, tried to relax again, and pressed more.
"Fuck!" he shouted, but he realized his finger was all the way up. "Shit, how do men fit a whole dick up here? No way!"
There had to be a trick to this. If he had listened to Rei-chan, if he had taken her offer…
No! Like he told her, he would rather wing it than take her.
He gave himself a minute, and soon the pain eased. When he slipped around again, there was still an edge of pain, but mostly he just felt an incredible fullness.
"How can it hurt and feel so good?" he groaned. "Ah! Nnngh!"
Thrusting into himself twisted his wrist weirdly, but it was a great feeling. He began to stroke himself again, and he felt a wet drip slip out. Gray closed his eyes and let himself fantasize like usual. The Dragon Slayer had been dominating his imagination for months now. This time, it was solely him. There was only one man he would trust to touch here, do this, and not hurt him.
"Natsu," he whispered. "Nngh … Natsu."
Gray shivered and moaned. He wanted more!
"Maybe … three?"
Rei-chan had said that to truly loosen up Natsu, Gray should attempt three fingers. If he was going to do this to Natsu, he should do it on himself, just so he knew how. So he pulled his hand back, got his ring finger positioned, and tried to squeeze it in with the other two. Suddenly, Gray shouted as he felt a sharp, burning pain, and he quickly withdrew the third finger.
"Okay, maybe not," he cringed. "Not this time. Just two. Two is … good."
He eased the two back in. Sure enough, that much felt full but no longer painful. He made slow, long thrusts, groaning as the fingers slid in, sighing as they smoothly slicked out. He whispered Natsu's name, returning to his fantasy.
It was the dragon prince. It was the Dragon Slayer. It was some fiery demon incubus. His fantasies switched around, but that face was always the same.
"Natsu."
Those hot hands. That hot mouth. Those fiery eyes. Everything about him!
"Natsu … for you … if it's you … I wouldn't mind."
Even the painful parts, he could put up with it. He had suffered far more pain brawling with Natsu. If it was those fingers…
"I want it," he whispered to his fantasies. "I want you."
Suddenly, Gray's eyes opened wide.
"I … want you?"
He thought about how terrified he had been by the idea of intimacy with Natsu. What had scared him so much? This wasn't really scary.
"I want … you."
It wasn't just the sex. It was sex with him. With a friend. A teammate. Nakama. He rarely dated nakama. He never had sex with them. He never even wanted sex with them. But with Natsu … this was different. It meant something.
What had Rei-chan said? He was the sort who could not fall in love unless he first knew the person as well as he knew himself. All those girls before, he barely knew them. The less he knew, the easier sex was, mindless and faceless. Physical satisfaction without emotional baggage.
With a friend, it was different. With a friend, he felt deep in his soul that there had to be love before there could be sex, and he had never found love before.
Until now.
"Oh shit!" he cried out, stopping all movement as the epiphany finally befell him with a jolt of shock. "I want him!"
It was more than just lust and craving sex. He never wanted sex with friends. He never felt it was right. There was never love! But now, it was different. He wanted it! He wanted Natsu! He felt like he could do this … no … he desperately wanted to do this with Natsu! He wanted to … because in his heart…

"I want something better than just sex. I want to be your first love."
"You'll give me your soul, and one day, you'll beg me to take your body as well."
"Once upon a time, I said I wanted to be your first love. Do you remember that?"
"What more do you want? What will make you fall in love with me?"

"I'm…" Gray whispered. "I'm … in love with him."
For a moment, there was the vision of that dragon prince again, that arrogant smile softening to something tender and happiness filling those fiery eyes. A hand reached out, beckoning Gray to leave the crumbled ruins of the icy castle and flee with him to the warm, sunny fields.
"Natsu," he whispered in awe. "I'm … in love. Oh God. Oh … ooooh God!"
He trembled so deeply, Gray cried out. His body was surging toward completion. The wet schlick-schlick of his wrist filled the bedroom, while the fingers in his ass felt the tightening reactions.
"Natsu!" he howled, his toes curling up. "I want you. Fuck, I want you so much. I … nnngh … want … youuuu!"
Gray felt his body succumbing to the pleasure, but in his mind was only his dragon prince. In his fantasy, the icy gown melted off his cold shoulders, the ice prince took the dragon prince's hand, and he stepped away from the melting tower and its dripping chill. The hand was hot, but it was gentle. It guided him through the mess, all those walls he had built around his heart to keep out the flames. It was scary coming out, stepping away from the protection of those walls, but with the dragon prince there, he felt like maybe—just maybe—he could fly free!
When he opened his eyes, it was his room, and there was wetness on his belly. He huffed as his body buzzed. Slowly, he pulled his fingers out. Who would have thought a little ass-action would be that good!
And who would have thought the ice prince could melt to the flames of a dragon!
"Natsu," he whispered weakly. "I need to apologize to him. Definitely. And … I don't think I need three days. I want him." Gray sank down against the pillows as he felt his body thrumming to the pleasure. "I want him. I … love him." He closed his eyes, and a tear slipped out. "Natsu," he smiled to himself, and Gray laughed in happiness. "I'm in love!"

Next Chapter: "The First to Know"
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Life After Near Death