Poisoned Rationality

Ever since they had entered London, Mello\'s silence had erupted into road rage. It wasn\'t even directed at the other drivers, so much as the roads themselves. Suddenly LA was the best place on earth and the Americans knew how to plan cities. Matt wasn\'t really listening to him. His senses were attuned for any change in tone or subject matter, but otherwise he remained absorbed in his game. Mello hadn\'t really required any input from him for the entire journey, so Matt used the distraction to stop thinking about the things that deepened his depression. In a pixelated world, where his skill was masterful, there was no room for the barbed venom of his own mind assaulting his self-esteem.



Matt looked up though, as Mello slammed on the brakes. A white van driver yelled, "Fuckwit!" out of his window and Mello shouted worse back. Matt blinked, his spirits rising, "We\'re here! This is Camden Lock!"



"Great." Mello replied, his tone surly. "Now look for a carpark."



"Turn right, then left again. There\'s a little one down there for residents." Matt switched off his game and stashed it in his pocket. "There\'s Punkyfish!" He pointed. "You can\'t see Cyberdog from out here, because it\'s in the market. You\'ll prefer some of the Goth shops." A thought occurred to him. "Hey! I could have my tattoo while we\'re here."



"Right down here? It\'s one-way."



"Go down anyway, I always do." Matt twisted back to see the entrance to the market, then watched the building art sail by. Giant Doc Marten boots and plaster flames stretching from the first floors to the roofs. "Shit, that\'s closed down. I used to like it in..."



"Down here?" Mello snapped. The redhead whispered a \'yes\'. "For fuck\'s sake, you sit there like a moody bastard for an hour and half and the second I need your attention, you\'re babbling about crap and not watching the bastard road. Will you please sort it out, Matt." The carpark was where Matt had said it would be. Mello parked and looked around for a pay and display. There was none. He paused to notice how his lover had retreated into his jacket collar again, like a tortoise hiding in its shell. "Hey." Mello\'s hand crossed to rub Matt\'s thigh and, when the redhead glanced across, Mello winked. "Come and show me Camden."



They walked back into the High Street and were immediately accousted with the offer of cannabis for sale. Mello politely refused and stepped out into the middle of the pavement to watch the beautiful, young things parade like peacocks in all of their colours. Matt trailed behind him. "Do we think Near is here somewhere?"



"Possibly." Mello took in the bong shops and the tattoo parlour. "So this is basically England\'s answer to Haight-Ashbury?" He watched a woman with flourescent dreadlocks wander past them. She tottered on bright pink platform heels, that added nearly a foot to her height. "How often have you been here?"



"I lived here for about three months." Matt replied, distracted, then horror crossed his features and he looked breathless. "I\'m sorry, I forgot. It was..." He seemed so flustered. Mello had never seen him so transparently trying to think. "Yes, it was between, no, well it was before my flat and..."



"Matty, it doesn\'t matter." Mello wanted to hug him, but he wasn\'t sure how that would go down. He caught himself staring and hugged the redhead anyway. "I don\'t need to know. It\'s ok." Matt nodded, but looked ill. Mello swallowed against a stab of guilt and turned away. "What was that fish place you saw that you liked?"



"Punkyfish." Matt seemed close to tears. It was the effort he was putting into trying not to let it show that really hurt Mello. "But it\'s mostly for girls. I\'ll show you Dark Side." He set off down the street and Mello followed, pulling his hair down to cover his scar. As soon as Matt slowed in front of a shop to peer inside, Mello grabbed his hand and pulled him into it. "What?"



"I want to look in here." Mello smiled. It was like someone had flicked a switch. He had gone from angry, kill-them-all Mello into Mello the tease. "I recognise that music. Cyberpunk?"



"Cybertribe." Matt smiled back, feeling pacified. He watched his lover wander through the rails, trailing a hand along the fabric. Mello paused and lifted out a t-shirt. It was neither red or black, nor was it leather. "Branching out into proper clothes?" Matt asked, as he strolled over to join him. "Do you actually own a t-shirt?"



Mello held the t-shirt up against Matt. The gaze, which took in the garment and slid up to his red hair and back, projected sex. "This is the same colour as your eyes." Mello licked his lips. "Unfortunately, it\'s not striped so..." He let the sentiment hang and returned the t-shirt to the rail. "You need new jeans. You\'ve lost about a stone in the last couple of months." His hand touched Matt\'s backside in passing. "We need to get some meat into you. Feed you back up again. There are some jeans over here."



Matt smiled, drifting into his wake. "What are you up to?"



"Finding Near." Mello smirked. "How about red? I love the colour red."



"You\'re flirting with me."



A tiny smile fastened itself upon Mello\'s features. The sort of smile that was usually only apparent when he wielded a belt over Matt\'s bound body. "Am I? I thought I was just indulging myself. I\'ve only just realised that I\'m really turned on by cyberpunks. Especially blushing ones with really cute smiles." He pushed the red denim into Matt\'s hands and walked off along the rail. A shop assistant appeared within earshot and Mello assured him that they were fine. They were just browsing.



Matt unzipped his jacket, cursing the heat of that shop and quickly took the green t-shirt off its hanger too. He carried them to where the blond was comparing two pairs of jeans. "Is this just a ruse to get me out of my normal clothes?"



"I\'m never averse to getting you out of your clothes, Matt." Mello grinned and gave him both. "I\'m enjoying Camden. You?"



They stopped at the tattoo parlour and Matt showed his lover what he had in mind. It was going to cover most of one arm in a series of tribal, black, flame patterns. Mello couldn\'t work out if they were Celtic, African or just some artistry. Matt kept glancing at him, one finger playing with his own bottom lip. "What do you think?"



Mello shrugged. "You\'d look really hot. My one concern is that it\'s something that distinguishes you, in case you ever needed to hide." He considered it. "But then again, I\'m walking around with half my face melted off, so yeah, go for it."



Matt rolled his eyes, "Your scar doesn\'t look half as bad as you think it does. It\'s quite sexy really." He let his gaze linger on it. "Honestly." He nodded. "In a warped way, it actually suits you. Have the skin grafts if it bothers you that much but, I know this is awfully selfish of me, I\'d rather you didn\'t. It just adds to your... you-ness. You\'ve always been gorgeous. It steps it up a notch. You know what I mean." Mello\'s head had bowed during his words. Now he just pushed his hand into Matt\'s and squeezed. "So you\'re happy about me having a tattoo then?" Mello just nodded. "Are you ok?" Matt crouched slightly and peered underneath the blond fringe. Mello was really struggling not to cry. "Let\'s go and get a drink, beautiful." He towed the Slav into the nearest pub and sat him alone with their shopping bags in a corner. Out of sight and with a moment to regain his composure, Mello seemed returned to normal by the time Matt returned with two cocktails. They each sprouted umbrellas, lit sparklers and fruit. "This one\'s non-alcoholic and that one isn\'t. Time to decide who\'s driving back. If we\'re going back tonight."



Mello took the non-alcoholic drink, then watched the sparkler reach the end of its saltpetre and fizzle out. "I\'d prefer to say sober."



"I got you this." Matt handed over a Fredo. "They don\'t do Bourneville Dark behind the bar, but it\'s emergency chocolate for dire occasions."



"Thank you." Mello stared down at the two inches of chocolate and the cartoon frog stared back.



"So other than revamping my wardrobe, is there a plan?"



Mello sat up a little straighter. "Where in Camden would you go for sex, drugs and rock\'n\'roll?"



"All of it."



"We\'d better see all of it then."



Matt scampered into Cyberdog like a child returning home. His carrier bags were banging against his legs. Mello hadn\'t realized that the fake fur of Matt\'s jacket, and the white of his stripes, were flourescent until he entered a long room lit with ultra-violet. The jacket suddenly suggested the skeletonal frame beneath, in abstract ribs and pelvic bones. Mello shook his head, wondering why he had never noticed that before, then gazed around himself. T-shirts, with patterns upon them that moved, hung from the walls and hard house music assaulted his ears. Mello felt like his senses were slowly being eroded just by being there, but Matt plunged further into an area made up to look like the interior of a space-ship. He paused by what looked, at first glance, like a mother board, but turned out to be stationery. Mello stepped beside him, looking around uncomfortably. Matt didn\'t look up. "You can wait outside if you like."



"No, I\'m happy here. Finding out about your world." Mello surveyed the rows of mannequins, stationed to look like the crew. It was very elaborate. "I can see your gloves and..." Mello ventured away from the safety of his own cyberpunk to inspect the display of goggles. Stiffening suddenly, like a rabbit catching the scent of a fox, he turned and made his way to the counter. He had to shout to be heard over the music. "Yes, hello. My little brother is missing. He\'s about this high," Mello held his hand out just over five foot from the ground, "and he has pure white hair. He\'s," he quickly calculated, "seventeen. Have you seen him?"



"Sorry mate, just come on shift. I\'ll ask in the back."



While he was gone, Mello lifted bicolour shirts off the rails and tried to determine what colours they were. He watched Matt trying on a ridiculous hat at the back of the shop. Bizarrely, it suited him. Mello stuck his thumb up in approval when the redhead glanced back. The light and music were giving Mello a headache. A woman stepped out of the private door wearing a dress that appeared to be more circuitry than fabric and hair like an hallucinogenic trip. She wobbled over to where Mello was standing and he smiled at her. "White hair, you say?"



"Yes, about this long." Mello demonstrated on his own head. "Any time since Thursday. Someone said he might have come down here."



"Have you got a photograph?"



"Unfortunately not. We had to give the one we had in to be photocopied." Mello lied. "He\'s very distinctive though. White hair. Won\'t look you in the eye. Probably bought one of those," he read the label, "skeleanimals." Matt joined them clutching several CDs and the hat. Mello took them off him. "Have you seen him?"



The woman sighed. "I did see someone looking at them, but he was outside. A strange, little mite. I figured he was off his face on something, but he looked frightened, so I went to speak to him and he ran away." She met Mello\'s eyes. "He had white hair."

Mello smirked. "How long ago was this?"



"Two days ago?"



"Thank you." He held up their wares. "I\'ll buy these please."



Outside, in the market, stalls were starting to pack away and the fast food vendors were selling overflowing cartons for just a pound. Matt bought some noodles, which Mello surveyed suspiciously and declined some for himself. Matt was practically skipping, more energetic than his lover had seen him for years. "How did you know?" He demanded, excitedly. "I just don\'t get how you made the link. Go Mello!"



Mello just smirked, then blinked in surprise at the sky. It had started to snow. Tiny flakes that melted into slush as soon as they touched the ground, but nontheless snow. He zipped up his leather jacket and tried not to shiver. "Clubs, bars, pick up joints, talk me through them, Matty."



Matt pulled him into the shelter of an enclosed part of the market and continued shovelling noodles into his mouth. "Near is not going to go into a club."



"I think he might." Mello wrapped his arms around himself and briefly considered nipping back into Cyberdog for a fleece jacket of his own. Pride rooted him to the spot. "We\'re going into one anyway. Lay on, MacDuff."



"Don\'t you want something to eat first?"



Mello waved chocolate in his face. "I\'m good."



They heard the music before they saw the venue. Flames roared from torches and, despite the cyberpunk thumping beat, Mello was drawn to the heat of the place. The bouncer tried to stop them entering with carrier bags, but Mello wasn\'t in the mood and so an exception was eventually made. Matt fell into step, his heart pounding over the notion that they were going to be searched, and glanced at his lover\'s smug expression. Mello smirked and they entered the club. The temperature hit like a wall and they both shed their jackets within seconds. "Drink?" Matt mouthed, while Mello\'s gaze scanned the clientele. He nodded and the redhead was lost in the press of people. It was still early, so relatively quiet, but the dancefloor nevertheless heaved with bodies.

Someone walked by and pinched Mello\'s arse. He glanced sharply around and saw that it had been a man. He smiled, but looked away again. A few seconds later, the man was at his side. "On your own?" He yelled over the music. Mello shook his head, gesturing vaguely towards the bar. "Pity." An arm moved around Mello\'s waist. The blond caught the wrist and twisted it back, glaring with a smile. The man looked a little stunned and stepped away. He kept looking back as he threaded his way through the melee. Mello shrugged, but inwardly accepted the compliment.



It seemed like an age had passed before Matt emerged again, clutching bags and two drinks. Mello nodded towards an alcove he had spotted, that would do as their temporary base. It had a good view of the main dancefloor. Matt was shaking his head, "He couldn\'t be in here. It would do his head in."



Mello yelled back, just to be heard over the music, "It\'s logically the perfect place. Someone\'s already tried to pick me up." He grinned at Matt\'s sudden staring. "What can I say? You\'ve either got it or you haven\'t." He leaned forward, cupping Matt\'s chin with a gloved hand. "You\'ve got it."



As soon as they sat down, Matt smirked. "So you think that Near\'s come to Camden to get laid. The long and short of it."



"Something like that. I\'ll talk you through it when I can hear myself think." He sucked his unidentified drink through a straw and his head shot up in surprise. "Chocolate?"



Matt grinned and looked at the dancefloor. There was a ruckus starting up near the middle and he watched to see if it was a fight. Someone was already prone on the floor. Mello followed his gaze and raised his eyebrows. At least this wasn\'t LA. Guns were illegal in Britain, which probably meant that he and Matt were the only people there packing heat. Matt frowned and stood. A girl had broken free of the crowd, tears spreading mascara in panda streaks down her cheeks. Matt started running onto the dancefloor and slipped to his knees beside the body. Mello was immediately behind him, peering over his shoulder, but the man convulsing and frothing at the mouth wasn\'t Near.



Matt called over the music. "I need sugar. Anything. Neat sugar, lollipops, anything with sugar. Not chocolate. You!" He pointed to a frightened girl on the far side of the casualty. "You and your friends get that. Bring it back to me. You pair, go and get me water. Plenty of it." He began rolling up the sleeves of the man, exposing crimson skin. He was talking to him, but the words were lost in the music. Off came the hat and the man\'s top was pushed up. Matt sat up again. "Can you all get back please and give him some air? Mello!" Mello stepped to the side, so that Matt could see him. "Mello, get them all to move. He needs air."

Mello did as he was told. He flicked the hair off his scar and fixed them all with a glower. Instinctively, everyone took a step back without him having to say a word. He looked down again. The man looked like he was going to die. He was shivering to the point of rapid shudders. His face and hands were swelled up like balloons, each section of flesh darkening from red to purple. It was impossible to see the colour of his lips beneath the bubbling froth, but Mello was willing to guess that they were blue. Still Matt did not remove any more of his clothing, despite the fact that he was patently burning up. The water-bearers arrived first, carrying three bottles of water apiece. Matt ripped one open and splashed it over the man\'s wrists and on his neck, emptying the rest on his hot, sodden shirt. Now he started to undress him. Now the shirt came over his head. Matt received a second bottle and cupped water in his hands. It was dribbled through the froth onto the lips. More was trickled onto his hair, slowly, Matt watching his face all the time.



Security arrived at the same time as the sugar. A burly, suited man reaching out to Matt, "Get him out of here. We\'re not having drugs in here!"



Matt rose, fury blanching his face. "You chuck him out, in the snow, and he will die. Take him out if you want, but if you do I wash my hands of it. His death will be on your conscience and the fault of this club." The security guard looked worried. "I need your First Aid room. A cooler room. Inside." He glanced at Mello, who nodded and took over negotiation, while Matt bent with the sugar bowl in his hands. "I know that the last thing you want to do is eat this, man, but you have to. " Matt pressed open the man\'s gasping mouth and sprinkled sugar into it. He followed with more sips of water, repeating over and over. Remarkably, the purple of his skin started to fade back to red and then to pink. Matt smiled. "You\'re going to make it. I told you that you would. We\'ve all been there."



The two security guards led the way, Mello behind them nipping back to collect their bags and jackets. Matt took up the middle ground. Finally there came two of the man\'s friends, carrying him in a chair-lift, into a storage room. Soft drinks, crisps and toilet rolls piled up in towers along the walls. One of the girls, following with water and sugar, called out, "You\'re going to be fine, Paul."



Matt smiled, "I don\'t think we need to know his name." He winked and watched her blush. "I need the water and sugar. One of you go and get a cup of tea. Not coffee, tea. And it has to be sugary. Six spoons of sugar and milky. Gorillas outside, one friend can stay. Mello guard the fucking door and don\'t let them pair in my face."



"Yes, boss." Mello raised his hands, but smirk was full of pride for the redhead and he let him know with another wink. Mello shepherded out the majority of the people, including the bouncers, and closed the door. He remained on the inside though to witness this to its conclusion.



"Paul, is it?" Matt bent over the man. His colour was still dangerously pink, but the transformation had been amazing to watch. "You over-heated and your lowered blood sugar started to send you into shock. I\'m not lecturing, man, but when you\'re on E, you have to listen to your body. Regular water, sipped, but don\'t go overboard. Rule of thumb, if your mouth is dry, have a sip of water."



The friend watched with panicked eyes, as Matt continued the alternative sugar and water, tiny amounts being dropped into Paul\'s mouth. "Will he have to go to hospital?"



"Hell, no." Matt smiled. "Last thing you want is to do that. He\'s going to be just fine. Here, take this." He handed over another bottle of water. "Splash it on him, especially the pulse points and his hair." The water practically sizzled as it touched him, but there was no froth and the skin was cooling. Then the miracle happened. As if a point of balance had been reached, all colour returned to normal and the frothing ceased. Paul was no longer shivering and instead gazed with terrified eyes at Matt. "There you go! Woot! Welcome back, man, you\'re going to be fine now." He stepped back handing the remainder of his bottle of water to the man. "Everyone all good?"



Paul gushed, "Thanks, dude! Fuck, I thought..."



"Well you didn\'t." Matt nodded, smirking. "Everyone see what I did there? Important things are water and sugar. Don\'t cool him down too fast, else he really would have gone into shock, hence I didn\'t take his shirt off immediately in there and," he raised his voice to be heard outside the door, "I didn\'t let him get thrown out into the fucking snow." He felt Mello\'s hand on the small of his back and calmed down again. "There\'s sugary, milky tea coming, drink it and you\'ll be great. Just keep with the water now. Mell?"



"Yes?"



"This is probably our cue to go."



"I think so." Mello handed him half of the carrier bags and waved to the couple on the floor. "Bye all, nice meeting you." Thanks were returned with all the enthusiasm of their pilled up love. Mello linked Matt\'s arm and led them out of the room, past the bouncers and out of the door. "I\'m am so fucking proud of you! That was amazing!"



"Yeah." Matt smirked, his face disappearing into his collar. "Didn\'t get us any closer to Near though, did it?"