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Only in Your Eyes Am I Worthy	By : Lucythebeast Category: +M to R > Neon Genesis Evangelion Views: 28767 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 33
- 34
- 35
Evangelion: Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy

Author�s Note: I almost called this chapter �The
Revelation of St. Shinji� but I just couldn�t bring myself to call Shinji a
saint. It would just be too wrong. Hehe

Required
Disclaimer: Still no own. Still no money. Too evil for a conscience. I think I might just have some
jelly donuts around here now, however� Enjoy and ponder on the glory of GAINAX!
And stuff.

Chapter 34: Revelations

�Water� ripples on the surface. Dripping down� rainfall. Tears? Are
these my tears? Tears of sadness� tears of joy. What makes a person cry? Water� soothing. Who am I? Am I the mother? Am I the
daughter? I am me. But who is that? Shinji� I am Shinji as he is me. He is in
my heart� Shinji� I love you.� Rei�s eyes snapped open and she sat up.
�What?�

�Hey.� Shinji
greeted her as he sat up straighter, looking like he hadn�t slept in days.

The first
child noticed she was in a hospital room. �Shinji-kun?�
She looked around and noticed Asuka lying in the next
bed over. �Asuka-chan? Is
she� all right?�

The blue-eyed
boy shook his head. �She hasn�t woken up since the angel attack.�

Rei
frowned thoughtfully. �Why am I here?�

The third
child�s eyes squinted a little in confusion. �You came in to see Asuka-chan� you said something to her and then you
fainted.�

The red-eyed
girl thought about that for a few moments and then said �I don�t remember.� She
rubbed sleep from her eyes and wondered how long she had been asleep. �Asuka-chan was asleep when I spoke to her?�

Shinji nodded
and glanced over at the second child, guilt crossing his features for a few
moments. �Yeah. You just� whispered something in her
ear and then you passed out.�

The first
child wondered what it was she said and why she couldn�t remember it. The last
memory she had was when Tabris was killed. �How long
since the last angel was� defeated?�

The young Ikari frowned thoughtfully and glanced to the side. �Ah,
that was� two days ago now? Yeah.�

�I have been
asleep for two days?� Rei asked, surprise edging into
her normally stoic whisper.

The blue-eyed
boy shook his head, sitting up a little straighter as he became concerned. �No,
you�ve only been asleep for maybe twelve hours now. You don�t remember anything
from before then?�

Rei frowned
thoughtfully as she tried to remember. �Shinji-kun
was forced to cripple Unit 02 because Tabris had
forced his soul into contact with Asuka-chan�s and
pushed her into a state of feral rage� afterwards I suppressed the angel�s AT
field with my own so that Shinji-kun could defeat him. Then I� I� wept? Yes� I
wept for the pain that my beloved was forced to endure because of� me? I�
should have never allowed Tabris to befriend
Shinji-kun again. I should have protected him. I failed him� Shinji-kun� forgive me. Afterwards� I� what? I must have witnessed Asuka-chan
and Shinji-kun being extracted from their Evas� but I
don�t remember it. What else could I have done? Seen the
commander, no doubt. Did I wait a whole day and a half before I came to
see the two people most important to me in the world? Why? And why have I been
unconscious for twelve hours� did I overtax my S2 organ? Doing what? It should
not have drained me overly much by suppressing Tabris�s
AT field� and that was 36 hours before I fainted� did I do something to Asuka-chan? Perhaps to help her?�
The girl blinked a few times before responding finally. �I do not remember.�

�Should I call
a doctor? After you fainted, they said you just seemed exhausted. I assumed
you�ve been working too hard at whatever it is that my father has you working
on. And that you probably hadn�t slept since� the angel attack.� The third
child stated, fidgeting nervously as he worried over the girl�s condition.

The red-eyed
girl shook her head once. �That will not be necessary. I have had memory lapses
in the past� though normally not ones of so recent events. It was likely due to
exhaustion. You should call the commander and inform him of my condition.�

�Oh� ah� ok.�
Shinji pulled his cell phone out and dialed the number his father gave him.
�Father� yes. I know sir but� yes. Sorry father. But I�m calling to tell you�
I�m sorry, father. Yes sir.� A frustrated expression formed on his face. After
several long moments of listening silently to the commander, he spoke up again.
�Sir! I was calling to tell you that Rei-chan woke up. She�� He sighed and put his phone away.
�He hung up on me.�

The first
child nodded, having already drawn that conclusion. �Perhaps he is on his way.�

�He was in a
meeting. He was very angry about being disturbed.� Unit 01�s pilot explained
with a shrug. He looked over at Asuka again, vainly
searching for any signs of her waking up. �Rei-chan�
did you know that� Nagisa was an angel?�

�Oh shit.� Rei�s eyes widened in surprise at the question. �I� knew that he
was like us.� She responded carefully. �Please
don�t ask for more than that��

�It�s just
that� when he first came to NERV� you seemed agitated by his presence. I
assumed at the time it was because he was a stranger and said he was your
brother� but now� I get the feeling that you knew he was an angel.� The third
child stated uncertainly, but his eyes were far from uncertain.

�I� knew that
it was possible that he was an angel.� The blue-haired beauty stated, turning
her gaze down to her hands as she sat on the hospital bed. �It wasn�t 100% certain that he was the last angel� at least not at the
time. So I am not lying.�

�Rei-chan. I�m beyond tired. I�ve been lied to
and manipulated by people I thought cared about me. I want a straight answer
from you.� Shinji stated firmly, leaning forward a little to catch the girl�s
eyes with his own again. �Did you know when he first arrived that he was an
angel? Did you know he was an angel when he was pulling me off to spend the day
with me?�

�What is this feeling? Sadness? Shame? The pain of being
the cause of a loved one�s suffering? What is this feeling called?� The first child nodded. �Yes.�

The blue-eyed
boy nodded. He had assumed so but he wanted to hear her say it. He needed to
know that she would indeed tell him the truth when he asked for it. �Why didn�t
you tell me? You could have warned me. We could have killed him before he hurt Asuka-chan.� He did his best to keep his anger out of his
voice but was only marginally successful.

Rei
stared at her hands again. �I� hoped that this time it would be different.�

�This time? What� I feel like I�m going insane.� The third child clutched at
his head and squeezed his eyes shut. �What did you do?�

The girl closed
her red eyes as sadness fell over her heart. �He�s figured it out. Is he going to hate me now? I wish that I could
comfort him� but I think I am the last person he wants that from now.� She
took a deep breath and opened her eyes again to look upon the stressed visage
of the boy who owned her heart. �That information is classified.�

�Oh, of course. How convenient. So you�re not going to tell me why my brain feels
like it�s on fire every time I think about what�s been going on lately?� Shinji
sighed in exasperation and turned his head, not wanting to look at the former
pilot that he loved, because he was afraid of what else he would say.

�I will tell
you if you order me to do so. I cannot determine whether the truth would do you
more harm than good at this point.� Rei stated sadly.

The third
child met his lover�s eyes with his own, resolve shining within them. �Tell
me.� He ordered firmly.

The
blue-haired beauty nodded. �Hai.
Please close the door, this information is highly classified.�

Shinji got up
and closed the door immediately and locked it for privacy. He even went so far
as to pull the curtains over the observation windows. Then he sat down at the
foot of Rei�s bed and faced her. �I�m listening.�

The first
child nodded and took a deep breath and let it out slowly, though whether it
was a slight delaying tactic or to calm her nerves, only she knew. �Third
impact is inevitable. That has never been in question. The human race is dying
out. Without the Third Impact, we might survive for another generation�
possibly two. But birth rates are dropping at an exponential rate. The only
question has ever been� which race will survive and how will we survive.�

The young Ikari nodded. It made sense, though he wasn�t sure why. �So
the angels had to die so that humanity could survive, in more ways than the
obvious.�

Rei
nodded. �Yes. The committee that oversees NERV has planned out how humanity�s
evolution would take place. We are to become one with God. Or return to the Heavenly Kingdom� I�m actually not positive on
the end result of their plans. Commander Ikari, on
the other hand, seeks a different solution. He wishes the barriers between
humanity�s souls to be dropped so that we would all become as one. No need for
deception� or loneliness. No more sorrow� we would all be united� and reunited
with those we love the most. You and Commander Ikari,
for example� would be reunited with your mother.�

The third
child�s mouth was hanging open in shock. �But� that�s insane!� He was trying to
tell himself that she was making all this up, but he knew she was telling the
truth. He wasn�t sure how� perhaps it was because he knew she wouldn�t lie to
him, or perhaps he had some idea of this already. Either way, it scared the
crap out of him.

�Perhaps. Despite the best intentions, however, both times we tried
initiating Third Impact, the sorrows and regrets of humanity held us back.
People were unable to move on, simply because they had too many regrets. I�
attempted to address those regrets, at least with the people I cared about
most. Even resolving the deepest regrets in our lives, we still had new ones
when the world ended the second time. This time� success or failure, it�s
over.� Ayanami stated as if she were relating a
tedious event to somebody.

Things were
falling into place now. All the feelings of d�j� vu that he experienced time
and time again� it made sense now. �So this is the third time we�ve gone
through this hell.� The blue-eyed boy stated for clarification.

�Yes. I
cannot� put you through it a fourth time. I understand if you hate me�� The
girl�s red eyes fixed down at her hands again, unable to meet her lover�s gaze.

�I could never
hate you, Rei-chan. But� I
can�t say I�m not angry over this. Why� did the world even need to be remade in
the first place? So what if regrets held us back.
That�s life. Why� try again? Especially when it didn�t even
work the first time. Are you just a sadist?� Shinji couldn�t keep the
bitterness out of his voice.

�Perhaps.� The first child responded sadly. �I had� hope for you. And Asuka-chan. And
Nagisa-kun. And�
Commander Ikari.�

The young Ikari flinched a little at the angel�s name and only winced
slightly at the mention of his father. He was quiet for a while as he absorbed
everything the girl had told him. �So I had� regrets? And you� addressed them?
What does that mean?�

Rei
turned her head slightly to stare at one of the blank walls. �I am not quite
sure. I believe I made minor changes to create the desired effect.�

�Such as what? What did I regret the first time and how did you resolve it?� The
blue-eyed boy asked, accusation breaking into his tone.

The red-eyed
angel closed her eyes for a few moments, her heart aching because she knew she
was causing her beloved pain, but she told him she would answer his questions
if he ordered her to do so, so she had no choice. �We� were not close,
originally. You� kept your distance from me. And without you reaching out to me
offering friendship, I was alone. I had nothing. No hope, no dreams. I wished
only for my purpose to be fulfilled so that I could die. Your regret was that
we had not gotten to know one another better. My regret was that I never had
any reason to live. Addressing your regret solved both of our problems. I gave
you a desire to want to know me. By reaching out to me� you gave me hope and a
reason to live.�

Shinji
swallowed nervously. He couldn�t even imagine a world where he wouldn�t have
fallen in love with the young Ayanami and he was glad
that she had given him a second chance to get to know her. �What about the
second time? You said this is the third time� so you remade the world a second
time and tried to address our regrets again.�

The first
child nodded, turning her head to look at Shinji, feeling better that she did
not see hatred in his eyes, only confusion and pain. She felt guilty for her
selfish desire to not be hated, even if it meant her lover was caused this pain
instead. �When the angel before Nagisa attacked� I
detonated my Eva then, as well. Only� you did not save me. That was your
regret, that you were unable to save me. So I gave you a way to save my life.�

The blue-eyed
boy nodded. That was why she seemed so uncertain that he had saved her� it made
sense. �What was your regret?� He inquired, curious why she had told him
without prompting last time, but not this time. He saw the hesitation in her
eyes before she looked away again and that brought fear and anger boiling up.
�Answer me!� He insisted.

�That we did
not have a future together. So I� gave us one.� Rei
replied, vulnerability evident in her normally stoic whisper-like voice.

Shinji blinked
in surprise. It didn�t sound bad� but it obviously was by the way she was
reacting. �What does that mean? What did you do?� By the way she looked ready
to start crying, he thought he knew and it horrified him. But he had to hear
her say it� and know why. �WHAT DID YOU
DO?!� He demanded.

�I set events
in order that would ensure that we had a future together.� The first child
stated, even though she had already said that.

The blue-eyed
boy clenched his fists several times, struggling to maintain at least a modicum
of calm. �Answer my question, Rei-chan.�

Rei
took a deep breath as tears dripped out of her eyes unnoticed. �In order for
humanity to continue to exist as individuals, which you expressly desired
considering how you rejected Third Impact twice� I had to come up with a way
for humanity to evolve. Developing S2 organs was the ideal solution.�

The third
child stiffened in outrage but managed to keep from lashing out. Had it been
anyone else� he would not have been strong enough for that. �That�s why you
said it was your fault that I died.� He stated bitterly.

�Yes. I did
not fully realize it at the time. It was only recently that my memory of the
previous two worlds returned fully.� The red-eyed girl explained. �I did not
think of the means for you to have an S2 organ, only that you should have one.
Fate� filled in the rest.�

Shinji nodded for
a few moments but then his expression turned quizzical. �I don�t understand
though. What�s the point of me having an S2 organ?�

�That should have been obvious�� The first child thought. �Your
children will also have S2 organs.�

�But you can�t
have children.� The young Ikari pointed out.

Rei
nodded. �That is true.� She saw the question in his eyes so explained before he
had to ask. �However� Asuka-chan can.�

The third
child�s eyes widened in shock and he edged away from her slightly without
realizing it. �That�s why you�ve been trying to get me to make love to her. You
wanted me to impregnate her?! Are you twisted?!�

The
blue-haired beauty shook her head, hiding her offense well. �You could have
picked anyone to be the mother of your children. I� only hoped it would be her.
It did not even occur to me that you might pick Ibuki-san.�

Shinji stared
at his beloved in bewilderment. �Why do you think I would pick Ibuki-san?�

�You had
sexual intercourse with her.� The first child pointed out.

�She came on
to me when I was feeling hurt and alone! It�s not like I planned on marrying
her and having kids with her! I chose you!
I don�t care if you set it in motion; I still fell in love with you! And I�d do
so again in a heartbeat, but I can�t say I like you very much right now.� The
young Ikari bit out in anger. �Speaking of which, do
you realize what my semen did to Ibuki-taii?! You want me to get Asuka-chan
sick like that?!�

�She would
suffer no ill effects from exposure to your blue cells.� Rei
stated in an ambiguous tone.

�Are you
telling me that you had her killed
too?! Is she a fucking clone as well?!� The third child demanded, indicating
the comatose girl in lying in the bed next to them with an expressive gesture.

The red-eyed
girl turned her head away down at the floor beside the bed. �If was not
necessary for her to be cloned, nor to have an S2 organ. Your children will
have S2 organs because you have one.
It was only necessary for her to be immune to the mind-altering effects of
super solenoid energy cells when first encountering the central nervous
system.�

Shinji�s eyes
narrowed suspiciously. �How?�

The first
child shook her head. �I do not know. I believe that the commanders utilized
some means to give her immunity to S2 cells while she was undergoing her Eva
pilot training. The exact means of their methods are unknown to me. I only know
that they had prepared her to be the mother of your children in the event of
Third Impact either not occurring properly or in case both you and she rejected
the ultimate form of mankind. They did not force her upon you; they merely made
the preparations and gave you the opportunity to grow close to her.�

The young Ikari frowned, again suppressing the urge to lash out at
her. �Why? Why did you choose her, especially
when you knew I was going to choose
you?�

�Because I love her.� Rei replied simply.

The third
child stood up abruptly and started pacing around. �Do you realize how hard
this is for me to wrap my head around?! Two weeks ago you hated her! Now suddenly
you love her? Where does that leave me?!�

�I have loved
her since the previous world. She slapped me and I fell in love with her. The
time we spent together this time� reminded me of that. And so I fell in love
with her once again.� The blue-haired beauty explained.

Shinji grabbed
at his temples and hissed in exasperation and then looked at his girlfriend as
if she were insane. �You fell in love with her because she slapped you?! And I
thought I was fucked up.�

�It was not
the slap itself. I saw into her heart. I saw her vulnerability. Her fear. Her loneliness. I saw
into Asuka-chan�s soul during that slap and I fell in
love with it, and her. I did not appreciate the attack, but if it meant seeing
her heart that way again, I would gladly accept another slap. This time,
however, she showed me her heart without striking me.� The red-eyed girl
elaborated.

The third
child sighed and leaned back against the wall, still clutching his temples as
his brain struggled to make sense of all these revelations. �Then we�re back to
my previous question. Where does that leave me?�

Rei
looked over at the second child thoughtfully. �If you can accept her into our
lives, I would appreciate it. I wish to share my love with her. But if you
forbid it, I will comply. If you do allow it, however, it is your choice as to
whether you share your affections with her or not. I wish to share mine with
her, but I can not and will not force you to do likewise. If you do not wish
for Asuka-chan to be the mother of your children, I
will respect your wishes. She� deserves love. I wish to give her that love.�

The blue eyed
boy sighed. It still sounded to him like he was interfering in their love,
leading him back to his feelings when he first asked her to be his girlfriend.
�So you love her. What about me?�

The first
child�s gaze snapped up to meet the boy�s. She was shocked he even asked. �You
know how I feel about you.�

�Right now? No I don�t. If it was the day we made love, then I wouldn�t be
confused. But now I am. I want to hear you say how you feel about me so that I
have no confusion over the matter.� Shinji stated firmly.

The young Ayanami stared down at the floor. �Words will never fully
express my feelings for you. These words that you wish me to say� I am not yet
ready to say them. But I am always ready to tell you in action how I feel. I
remade the world twice for you, even after you rejected me. My every look� my
every action shows my devotion to you. If you cannot see it, then my heart
weeps.�

The third
child sighed and turned his gaze over to the second child. �That�s what I
thought you�d say. Normally I�d feel ashamed and apologize for hurting your
feelings� and don�t get me wrong, I do feel bad about that. But on the other
hand� you essentially killed me. No matter your reasons or your feelings, it
doesn�t make it right. Tell me this then� knowing the pain that finding out
about my death caused me� knowing what happened to Asuka-chan�
if you could go back and put us through this again� would you?�

�I told you
that I will not remake the world again.� Rei replied.

�No. That�s not the answer to my question. Had you
known this is what would have happened� would you still do it?� The blue-eyed
boy asked, fixing his gaze intently on the girl in front of him.

The girl�s red
eyes lifted up to meet those of her lover. �Yes.�

Shinji�s eyes
closed for a few moments as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His
eyes then opened and he looked at the first child, as serious as he had ever
been in his life. �Get out. I can�t even look at you right now, but I need to
be here in case Asuka-chan wakes up.�

The
blue-haired beauty stood up and sighed. �Shinji-kun��

�Get� out.� Ikari repeated.

Rei
bowed low as tears dripped from her eyes. �Forgive me, Ikari-sama.�
Without another word, she left, not caring that everyone she passed saw her
weeping as she exited the hospital.

*************************

�You deserve
death.� One of the SEELE committee members pronounced just before terminating
the communication.

�Hmph� foolish old men.� Commander Ikari
spat out bitterly. He turned to regard Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki.
�It won�t be long now. Are the preparations complete?�

�Mostly.
Repairs on Eva Unit 02 should be complete by morning. The repair crews have
been working on it around the clock. Unit 01 only required minimal repairs� I
believe she took care of most of them herself. It was only the damaged armor
that needed to be replaced.� Kōzō informed
the commander.

Gendo
nodded as he started walking out of the conference room. �Rei
is awake now. Her rest shouldn�t put us behind schedule. I believe she has
nearly completed her work. The coma that the second child is in is a bit of a
concern, however.�

�If she does
not wake up before we are attacked, then we shall simply have to hope that
Shinji-kun can hold the forces back long enough for our plans to be realized.�
The professor stated as he followed a step behind the commander.

�Does Rei seem to know more about what is going to happen than we
do?� Commander Ikari inquired out of the blue.

Fuyutsuki blinked in surprise. �You mean because she requested the MAGI be
prepared for hacking attempts? It does seem the logical first step for SEELE to
attempt. I�m surprised that we didn�t think of it.�

Gendo frowned
slightly in thought and glanced back at his old friend for a few moments before
turning his gaze back in front of him. �Indeed.�

Kōzō�s eyes dropped down to the floor as he followed the commander
silently. �I hope you�ll forgive me some
day, old friend.� He thought to himself.

*************************

Asuka
lay curled into Shinji�s side, idly running a finger over his bare chest.
�Something has been bugging me for a few weeks now. Where�s Wonder Girl?�

The boy turned
his cobalt blue eyes to fix on the girl�s royal blue ones, an eyebrow arching
up slightly as he considered her. �What do you mean? She�s been around. She�s
just been busy with my father.�

The second
child frowned thoughtfully. �I don�t remember seeing her since the breakfast a
few weeks ago. That�s really strange� I�d think she�d at least come home to get
some tender loving from you. Surely she�s not going to just let me hog all your
affection.�

�Why do you
care? Don�t I fuck you enough?� The young Ikari
inquired.

A slight blush
crept into the German pilot�s cheeks. �Well, yeah. But that�s not why I�m
asking. I miss her. And it�s not that I don�t appreciate your� carnal
attentions, but I do happen to enjoy the affection that she gives me too. And
it�s not just about the affection, I like hanging out with her. You two didn�t
break up, did you? Because the last thing in the world I wanted was to come
between you��

�No, of course not. She�s been around. You were probably just too distracted to
notice, is all.� The third child explained.

�That�s weird�
I would think I would have�� Asuka started to say.

�Asuka-chan, you need to wake up.� Rei�s
soft voice stated out of nowhere.

The second
child blinked in surprise and looked around. �Did you hear that?�

Shinji quirked an eyebrow up. �Hear what?� He asked.

�I� thought I
heard Rei-chan�s voice.� The red-haired spitfire
stated uncertainly.

The young Ikari shrugged. �You might have. Maybe she stopped by to
change her clothes or something.�

�Maybe I should
go check, say hi if she�s still around.� The German girl suggested, starting to
get up.

�I�m sure
she�s gone.� The third child stated quickly, grabbing the girl and tickling
her. �Wanna fool around some more?�

Asuka
grinned. �Sure, why not?�

Sometime
later, the young Ikari was feeding the blue-eyed girl
breakfast in bed. �I bet you wouldn�t say no to some sausage and bacon. I found
those bratwursts you like.� The boy gave her a lopsided grin as he waved the
meat under her nose.

The German
girl grinned and grabbed the plate eagerly. �You�re right about that, mein Freund!� She paused after she took a bite when she
heard a voice in the distance.

�Asuka-chan� please! Wake up! Wake up and tell me what an
idiot I am! Please! I� need you. Please wake up!!! ASUKA-CHAN!�
The voice of the young Ikari floated down.

The red-haired
beauty blinked in surprise. �Ok, you can�t tell me you didn�t hear that. What
the hell was that?!�

�That was� ah�
that was me. I said that earlier to wake you up. It�s probably just ah� now
sinking in.� The boy explained lamely.

The blue-eyed
girl was far from stupid, though. �I�m asleep, aren�t I? This is all one big
long dream!�

Shinji sighed
and nodded. �Yes, you�re dreaming. But you don�t have to wake up. You can stay here with me forever. I�ll love you
the way you�ve always wanted me to. I�ll never leave you. Isn�t that what you
wanted?�

Asuka
snorted. �Fuck you. If I wanted a dream, I�d take a nap. I�m Asuka Langley Soryu, asshole. I
don�t settle for second best, EVER. Besides, Shinji-kun obviously
needs me. What do I want with a ghost like you when I can comfort the real
Shinji? See ya.�

�Asuka, wait! I love you!� The dream-Ikari
pleaded, clutching at the girl as she tried to leave.

�Es ist mir Wurst
(I don�t care� literally it means �It is sausage to me� hehe).�
The second child stated firmly, stepping out a door. The world seemed to fade
into blinding whiteness. She cracked her eyes open slowly, squinting at the
bright light. �Shit� turn the fucking lights down,
would you?�

Shinji�s head
shot up to attention immediately. �Asuka-chan?!
You�re awake! You�re finally awake!!!� He cried, clutching at the girl and
sobbing.

The second
child blinked in surprise and held the boy, rubbing his back in what she hoped
to be a soothing manner. �Hey stupid� I�ve got a question for you. Did you jerk
off on me while I was asleep?�

Ikari
slowly leaned his head back and stared at the girl as if she must be
brain-damaged, but then he saw the humor in her eyes. �Ah�
yeah. A little. I felt you up too.� He joked
with a tired smile.

Asuka
giggled softly and tweaked the boy�s nose playfully. �Yeah, I figured, you
pervert. Next time do it when I�m awake so I can enjoy it too, ja?�

The third
child chuckled and held the girl close again, glad she
was obviously feeling well enough to tease him. �You scared the crap out of me.
Don�t ever do that
again. Are you feeling ok? I mean� is your brain smooshed
any?�

The second
child gave the boy a lopsided grin. �Smooshed?
Is that a medical term? No� my brain feels fine. A little fuzzy, but I chalk
that up to being asleep for� ok obviously long enough to get some pretty horrid
bed hair. So what�s it been? Twelve hours? �a day?�

Shinji coughed
nervously. �Ah� almost three.�

The blue-eyed
girl fell silent for a few long moments before responding. �Ah� I take it you
don�t mean hours. Three days? Ach� I guess it could be worse. At least
Angel-boy didn�t break anything when he was dicking
around in my brain.� She grew nervous when she saw the look on the boy�s face.
�What? He didn�t, did he?�

The third
child shook his head. �Not that I know of. I�ll call a
doctor� I�m sure they�ll want to do an examination now that you�re awake.�

Asuka
nodded. �I suppose this would be a bad time to joke that I feel a nap coming
on, ja?� She smiled
brightly, despite the glare she received from the boy. �Ah, you�ll laugh
tomorrow.�

After the
examination, the doctor made some notes on a chart. �There don�t seem to be any
neurological deficits. We�ll want to keep you under observation for a while,
just to be on the safe side, though.�

�Of course. Thank you for taking such good care of her, doctor.� Shinji bowed
deeply in gratitude. He didn�t know whether the German girl wanted to leave or
not but he didn�t wish to take any chances with her health.

�So� we
obviously saved the world because we�re still here. Did I kick his ass?� The
blue-eyed girl asked as she casually put her hands behind her head and leaned
back.

The third
child shifted nervously, unsure of how to respond. �Ah� well��

�If I got my
ass handed to me, just say so. I was too fucked in the brain to tell what was
going on.� The red-haired beauty stated.

�Ka� ah� the
angel made you go kind of crazy. You started attacking me. I� had to put you down
so I could kill the angel before he reached Adam and killed us all. I�m so
sorry!� Shinji bowed deeply, afraid the girl was going to kill him for hurting
her.

�You did the
right thing. Had the situation been reversed, I would have done the same. I�m just
glad you were able to get to him in time. I guess it�s a good thing I wasn�t in
my right mind or you would have never
been able to beat me.� The second child gave the boy a lopsided grin.

The young Ikari breathed out a sigh of relief. �I was afraid you�d be
angry with me. I tried to snap you out of it� I didn�t want to hurt you.
Misato-san reminded me though I that I didn�t have to kill you to stop you. I�
wish I had realized that when Suzahara�s Eva was
infested. I had to get pretty nasty though� I almost stabbed my prog-knife through your Entry Plug and you were still trying to kill me.�

�I don�t lose
easily, even when I�m durchdrehe� ah� sorry, going
mad I mean.� Asuka said as she smiled, proud of her
determination despite the circumstances surrounding it.

The third
child shook his head, bemused by her attitude. �You�re in a much better mood
than I expected.�

The blue-eyed
beauty shrugged nonchalantly. �I had some really good dreams while I was
asleep.� She explained with a mysterious grin on her lips. �How�s Rei-chan, by the way?�

Shinji�s smile
dropped at the mention of his girlfriend. �Ah� well we kind of had a fight this
morning. She�s� healthy, at the very least.�

The second
child snorted. �What are you, stupid?! Go apologize to her!�

The young Ikari scowled. �Why do you assume that I�m the one at fault?�

�Because
you�re a boy, and boys are idiots. What did she do to piss you off?� Asuka asked, looking the boy over
as if nothing he could say would convince her.

�She killed me and she said she�d do it
again even though she knows how much it fucked me up to find out about it.� The blue-eyed boy thought, but he
couldn�t tell her that. �I� can�t really tell you that without getting her in
trouble. Let�s just say it was something horrible and she said she�d do it
again even though she knows how much pain it caused me.�

�Waah.� The German spitfire deadpanned.

Shinji blinked
in surprise. �Wha� what?�

�You heard me.
Boo-fucking-hoo. You love that
girl. You know it, and I know it. If you can�t find it in your heart to forgive
something she did that upset you, you never deserved her in the first place.�
The red-haired beauty stated.

Ikari
rolled his eyes in exasperation. �I�ve been saying that from the beginning.
Nobody listens to me. Look� I�m sure
I�ll forgive her. I just need time to work this all out in my head. She dropped
some major bombshells on me and it�s going to take some time to get past it
all.�

�Why do you
look guilty?� Asuka asked suddenly, sitting up fully
and looking at the boy more closely.

�Huh?� The
third child scratched the back of his head nervously.

The German
girl scowled. �Don�t play dumb with me, Third. You
haven�t looked me straight in the eye since you told me about the angel battle.
It can�t be that you just feel guilty about having to take me down� there�s
something else bothering you. Spill it.�

Shinji sighed
and rubbed his face furiously with his hands for a few moments. He was way too
tired for this. �It�s my fault that the angel was able to� do what he did to
you.�

The second
child shook her head. �What are you, stupid? You weren�t even allowed to launch
yet. There was no reason before he did that to assume I couldn�t have taken him
on my own.�

The young Ikari turned his gaze down to his hand, flexing it a few
times in agitation. �No� Nagisa� he said he was able
to cause you to berserk because� your defenses were down� because you felt
rejected� because of me. I�m so sorry, Asuka-chan.�

A flash of
anger lit up Asuka�s features for a few moments but
then she looked thoughtful for a few moments. �I forgive you.�

The blue-eyed
boy stared at the girl in surprise. �Huh? How can you forgive me so easily
after what you went through?! It must have been hell, especially because it was
the second time it happened to you!�

�Shinji-kun. I love you, idiot. You forgive those you love when they fuck up.
Everyone messes up or does stuff that pisses someone else off. It�s an
unavoidable fact of life. If you love someone, you forgive them. If you don�t
forgive them, you don�t deserve to call it love. I know you, stupid. If you
could go back to before that angel attacked and show me the love you know you
wanted to, you would do it. And so, I forgive you. Do I wish I didn�t have to
go through all that again? Hell yes. Do I blame you? Hell no. I blame that
silver-haired freak.� The German girl explained.

�But it�s not
that simple�� Shinji tried to protest.

�Yes, it is. I
love you. I forgive you. Now shut the fuck up.� The second child stated firmly.

Tears fell
from the boy�s cobalt blue eyes as he leaned over to hug the girl close. �Thank
you, Asuka-chan. I don�t deserve a friend like you.�

�Of course not. Do you know what I�m going to ask you now?� Asuka
inquired.

The young Ikari leaned back to look the girl in the eye. �No� you
can�t be serious! You just woke up from a coma!�

The second
child giggled. �Pervert. I�m definitely not thinking
that� and I can certainly tell this isn�t a dream.� She stated as she shifted
uncomfortably. �Catheters definitely
don�t make you feel sexy�� The girl thought, hoping that the device would
be removed soon. �No, I was going to say� you should go find Wonder Girl and
forgive her. I�m sure she feels appropriately shitty for hurting you.�

Shinji looked
uncertain. �But� I can�t just leave you. You just woke up.�

�I�m not going
anywhere, stupid. Come back after you straighten things out with Rei-chan. I�ll still be here. Unfortunately.�
The blue-eyed beauty stated with a shrug.

The third
child sighed and then nodded. �Ok, I�ll be back soon.� He leaned over and gave
the girl a sweet kiss and blushed slightly when he saw the happy smile that
appeared on her face as he left. �I
should go back to Misato-san�s and get cleaned up at
least� then I guess I�ll try to find Rei-chan at
NERV.� He paused for a few moments at the door and looked back at the girl.
�Ah� just checking, but you really don�t
have any brain damage, right?�

�No! Now go, Dummchen.� Asuka glared playfully
at the boy and shook her head in amusement after he left. �I just had one long beautiful dream� that�s all.� She
remarked to herself. She then looked around and groaned. �Aw shit� there�s not
even a television in here! What am I supposed to do now?� She grumbled.

*************************

Ritsuko
Akagi sat in her office, staring at a photograph of
her cats. �I really miss you guys.� She mumbled to herself, letting out a long
sigh. A few moments later she set the picture frame down. �It took you long
enough.� She remarked without turning around.

�Your cats?� The quiet voice of Rei Ayanami inquired.

�They were,
yes. I�m surprised you�re curious about them.� The doctor stated, turning her
chair around to face the blue-haired girl.

�Why?� The
first child inquired.

�Why?!
Because in all the years I�ve known you, you never once asked me a single question about my life! That�s why.� Ritsuko bit out angrily.

Rei
glanced at the photograph of Maya on the woman�s filing cabinet. �I asked you
many times.�

Dr. Akagi glared at the girl. �Not all of us can read body
language as easily as you, Rei.� She blinked when she heard a cracking noise and
looked over at the source to find one of her picture frames had cracked glass.
The sight of it made her swallow nervously. �I mean� Ayanami-san.�

The girl
turned her head to fix her red eyes on the doctor curiously. �You are
frightened.�

�You�re damned
right I�m frightened. You said the next time we met, you�d kill me. And here
you are.� Ritsuko stated with a wave of her hand.

�I did not say
I would kill you, I said one of us would die. The choice of who dies is yours
and yours alone.� The first child stated in an ambiguous tone.

�And what is
that supposed to mean?� The blonde inquired apprehensively.

Rei
blinked. �You are a very intelligent woman. I am confident that you can figure
it out.� She curiously reached out and picked up a folder containing her
medical records. �Is there any mention in here on memory loss?�

Ritsuko
frowned thoughtfully. �She sure is calm
for someone who said one of us would die.� �Your
childhood memories? Third page.� Her hand
slowly slid into her pocket to the remote detonator she had prepared while
working on the MAGI systems.

�Don�t bother,
your mother betrays you every time. There is no indication here of memory loss
occurring after my cloning.� The first child stated casually as she flipped
through the pages.

�After your cloning? No, you never reported any memory loss
after that. Why do you ask?� The doctor took the detonator out and frowned down
at it. �Mother betrays me every time? She
had to have been talking about this� she knows more than she is telling. How
else would she have known what I was planning?�

�I have no
memory of events occurring after the angel attack two days ago. Twelve hours
are accounted for, as I fainted after visiting Pilot Soryu
in the infirmary, but thirty six hours are a total blank.� Rei
responded as she set her medical file down.

The doctor
frowned thoughtfully. �Then I suggest you get a skull x-ray and an MRI to rule
out concussion and brain tissue damage. You showed no sign of a tumor when I
examined you last week, so I doubt it�s that.�

�If I suffered
such an injury, it has already healed.� The blue-haired beauty stated, picking
up the picture frame with Maya�s photograph in it. �Ibuki-san
is very kind.� She remarked.

Ritsuko�s eyes narrowed, finding the girl�s behavior to be baffling. �Yes,
she is.�

The girl
placed the photograph back down and turned to face the doctor. �Have you
decided?�

Dr. Akagi quirked an eyebrow up inquisitively as she asked
�Which one of us will die? We both know I can�t kill you, Re� Ayanami-san.
Your AT field wouldn�t even let me get close enough. So what was the point of
you even giving me that knife?�

�My AT field
is at rest. If I used it to defend myself, the MAGI would detect the energy and
the angel alert would sound. If you decide to kill me, you should aim for my S2
organ.� The first child informed the woman.

�If I decide to kill
you? What other
choice do I have?! You said one of us would die!� Ritsuko
paused and tilted her head slightly to the side. �You can�t mean� you expect me
to commit suicide?! For what, regaining my honor?! Honor is illogical, Ayanami-san.�
She scoffed.

�As is the murder of a dozen innocent children. You can kill me if you wish. Or you
can atone for your crimes with jigai (ritual suicide
for women). The choice is yours.� Rei stated in an
even tone.

Dr. Akagi frowned in thought. �Even if I killed Rei� what would be the
point? Gendo would kill me in retaliation. Though it
might be worth it� I have to be honest with myself. She�s as much his victim as
I am. It�s illogical to punish her for his sins. And I have my own sins� I did
come back here to atone for them. Damn you, Nagisa�
why did you have to show me my own soul?� She took a deep breath and pulled
out the dagger that the former pilot had given her. �It�s sharp� probably sharp
enough to split a hair. Whoever was stabbed with this blade probably wouldn�t
even feel it.�

�That is
true.� Ayanami agreed neutrally, patiently awaiting
the doctor�s decision.

�Hmph� I know it doesn�t mean much now, but I�m sorry for
what I did, Ayanami-san. A final piece of advice,
woman to woman: don�t trust Gendo, he�ll betray you
just as he did me.� The blonde stated, raising the dagger up to her throat.

�Akagi-san, wait a moment.� The first child requested,
approaching her. She leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss onto the woman�s
brow. �I forgive you.�

Tears fell
from the doctor�s eyes. �Thank you. Ah� you wouldn�t happen to have��

The red-eyed
girl pulled off her necktie and offered it to the woman silently.

�Silly of me,
I know�� Ritsuko shook her head, spilling hot tears
as she tied her ankles together. �Tell Maya-chan�
that she deserves better.� After the quiet girl nodded, she lifted the knife up
to her neck and took a few deep breaths, trying to will her hands to stop
shaking. �Sayonara, Ayanami-san.�

Rei
watched silently as the woman sliced open her jugular vein and was dead within
moments. �See you soon, Ritsuko.� She remarked before
leaving the office. She glanced down at her clothes and realized she would need
to change them, as she had been wearing them since the morning before the angel
attack. �All of my clean clothes are
still at Shinji-kun�s apartment�� She silently
left NERV headquarters and started going back up to the surface.

*************************

Shinji
finished dressing and took a few moments to look at himself in the mirror, noting
his bloodshot eyes and tired expression. �After I find Rei-chan
and settle things with her� I think I�ll go back to Asuka-chan�s
room and make sure she�s still ok and then fall asleep on that other bed. She
should be fine as long as I�m in the room�� The boy remarked to himself. His
heart nearly jumped into his throat when he heard his door opening. �What?! Oh� Rei-chan��

Ayanami
blinked several times, just as surprised to see the third child there as he was
to see her. �I apologize. All of my clean clothes are here.�

�Damn� I was going to use the time it
took to get to NERV headquarters and find her to mentally prepare myself for
this�� The blue-eyed
boy thought with a frown forming on his lips. �Oh� yeah.
I was just surprised� Misato-san would have called out that she was home.� He
tried to keep the accusation out of his voice, but he wasn�t very successful at
it. He hoped that someday she would learn to announce when she came and left,
as was expected.

The red-eyed
girl looked at the bags containing her clothes for a few moments before turning
her gaze back to her beloved. �Ikari-sama� I am�
troubled that you might not ever forgive me. I am� experiencing an emotion that
I am unable to name. It is like� fear and grief� I� I don�t know what to say.�
Tears started to fall from her eyes as she looked at the boy whose pain was her
own.

�I can�t stay mad at her.� The blue-eyed boy thought, moving
forward and embracing her. �It�s ok. I may not understand what you did� but I
know you feel you did it for a good reason.�

Rei
turned her tear-stained eyes up to meet the boy�s gaze. �Ikari-sama�
please� please forgive me.�

�I� I can�t look at her right now. I�m
not ready for this. And seeing her cry is only tearing my heart out.� The third child squeezed his eyes shut
and turned his head away, feeling tears of his own straining to flood out of
his eyes. �I� I will, Rei-chan. I just� need some
more time.� He walked purposely out of the apartment, his heart breaking as he
heard the girl he loved breaking into sobs behind him. He clutched at his
chest, feeling faint as he collapsed to the floor, gasping and wheezing for
breath.

�Shinji-kun!� The blue-haired beauty�s voice could be heard, in one of the rare
moments when it wasn�t a quiet whisper. The young Ikari
felt himself being cradled in the girl�s arms. �What is wrong, Shinji-kun?!�

�I can�t� I
can�t� breathe.� Shinji gasped out, his vision going haywire as he clutched his
chest tightly. �Oh god� am I having a
heart attack?! They�re going to publish a paper on me� 15 year old in good
health has a heart attack! Doctors replaced his heart with a bowl of zoni (rice cake soup� a Japanese �winter� soup). Man in
cafeteria gets big surprise in his soup bowl��

�Shinji-kun! Look at me. Look in my eyes.� The first child commanded gently.
When the boy turned his dilated eyes to fix on hers, she stroked her fingers
through his hair gently while maintaining eye contact. After a minute or so,
the boy�s breathing had returned to normal and he stared as if hypnotized into
the girl�s crimson eyes. �Are you feeling better?�

The young Ikari nodded, closing his eyes as he rested his head back
against the railing behind him. �I thought my heart was going to explode in my
chest.�

�Your heart
belongs to me. I would not allow it to do so.� Rei
stated in her normal soft whisper-like voice.

The blue-eyed
boy nodded with a gentle smile on his lips. �Asuka-chan
said� when you love someone, you forgive them. Easy as that.
I guess� I didn�t want to admit that she was right. But she is. I love you, Rei-chan. I forgive you.�

The first
child felt tears fall from her eyes again, but this time she felt sure it was
because she was happy, because a smile was also on her lips. �Shinji-kun� I
lo�� She paused for a few moments and squeezed her eyes shut before she spoke
again. �Thank you. My heart sings for joy.�

Shinji smiled
and tenderly brushed his fingers against the girl�s smooth cheek, staring into
her eyes with adoration. �I�ll never stop loving you, Rei-chan.
Even if it took moving heaven and earth twice over to bring us to this moment,
even if it meant dying so that we could have a future together� it was worth
it, because my life is meaningless without you.�

Rei smiled
at her beloved. �Aren�t you glad I fixed that?�

The third
child burst into laughter and held the girl he cherished closely. �Yes� god,
yes.�

The red-eyed
girl kissed the young Ikari�s neck and whispered into
his ear �Though I did remake the world twice over, I am not god. But if you
wish to worship me, I am sure you can think of some way to show me your devotion��

The blue-eyed
boy grinned and stood up, picking the girl up into his arms and carrying her
back inside. Several hours later, Rei was cuddled
into his side, letting a tired and satisfied �Mmm�
sound escape her lips. �That was� more than acceptable.� She remarked.

�Give me� a
few minutes� to catch my breath� and I can see if I can� improve on that� even
more�� Shinji gasped out.

The red-eyed
girl smiled up at her beloved and kissed him. �If you are able to� perform
again, you are obviously better at this than I am.�

�I just needed
a little� practice, is all. But I�m more than satisfied,
I thought maybe you wanted more� ASUKA-CHAN!� The boy
cried suddenly as he sat up.

Rei
frowned slightly, puzzled by her lover�s strange and sudden action.
�Shinji-kun� I may not have minded being called god� more than once during that
encounter, but being called Asuka-chan is more than
my ego can bear.�

The third
child blinked as he stared at the girl in bewilderment, but understanding
dawned on him several long moments later. �Oh! No� she woke up and I was going
to go back there so she wasn�t alone� when you showed up. And then all this�
she must be so lonely.�

The red-eyed
girl sat up as well, joy lighting up her eyes. �She�s awake? Allow me a few
moments to� freshen up, and then find some clothes that were not ripped off of my body� and let�s go
see her.� She rushed off towards the wash room, ignoring the surprised looking
Misato whom had just gotten home and was about to announce her presence when a
nude blue-haired girl rushed from Shinji�s bedroom to the bathroom.

Shinji blushed
in embarrassment as he regarded the torn clothes on the floor. �I guess I was a little over-eager. But damn� that was hot.� He casually strolled out of his room as well, figuring he
should wash the smell of sex off of himself before going to the second child�s
hospital room.

�Wow, Shin-chan� looking good!� Major Katsuragi
announced rather loudly.

�EEP!�
Unit 01�s pilot rushed into the wash closet and shut the door, feeling another
panic attack coming on. He blinked as he watched Rei
nonchalantly washing herself and a grin formed on his
lips. �I�m happy. I�m actually happy. The
world is surely about to end��

*************************

Next chapter:
Third Impact begins (again).
- 33
- 34
- 35
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Only in Your Eyes Am I Worthy