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Fifty Days	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > Het-Male/Female > L/Misa Views: 2868 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 34
- 35
- 36
CHAPTER 35: Wandering
L woke up to a blinding headache and a dry throat, with the memories of terrible, paranoia-inducing nightmares still swirling in his brain.
Am I out of it yet? Or am I still in it?
He didn't open his eyes more than a crack because the light was unbearable, and he didn't want to go back to sleep, where both Misa and Mikami would hold him down and almost-alive straightjackets would slither into place while insects steadily ate at his body.
Oddly enough it was the nightmare's sounds that stayed with him rather than the dulled pain of the bites, the squishy sounds of thousands of bug-jaws working in unison on his flesh. He could almost still hear them, but not quite.
Upon waking there was an odd aftertaste in his mouth, and more than anything he wanted to eat a chocolate cake covered on top with shavings of Belgian dark chocolate, whip cream and cherries, and with connective layers inside consisting of hot cream cheese mixed with shredded coconut.
The image of exactly what he needed was so clear in his mind that he almost mindlessly called for Watari.
He stopped himself in time and groaned into the pile of towels and blankets that enfolded him. Mikami must have returned at some point with blankets. L was practically in a nest formed of blankets and towels.
There was an eerie silence that seemed to re-gather itself quickly after that single groan, and L almost expected to start seeing hallucinations again. He scanned the room from behind his slitted eyelids, but the walls seemed willing to stay in their proper places, the purple lump-face was certainly gone, and nothing else seemed out of the ordinary.
Acute tactile hallucinations and disturbances of balance and motion would be consistent with Salvia divinorum, but it is generally thought by most scientists that digestive juices destroy the psychedelic substance in Salvia too quickly for eating it to be effective. LSD would be easily obtainable and could have symptoms compatible with what I experienced. Ayahuasca is a possibility, but I probably would have had much worse hallucinations if I'd eaten it, and there is at least an eighty percent chance I would have vomited by now.
L sat up gingerly, feeling a rush of dizziness with the half-vertical stance, his heart beating faster, unexpected cramps in his legs as soon as he moved them.
Symptoms of dehydration. How long have I been asleep?
Suddenly, going back to sleep seemed like the best idea, even with the nightmare lurking at the edge of consciousness, waiting to return.
No, I need to get water at least. I cannot let myself become too impaired. I could still slip up.
L got up slowly, though everything hurt and it felt like all the blood in his body was draining into his feet, leaving him weak, dizzy and shaky. He walked cautiously, concentrating hard on each foot he put down so he wouldn't fall, and easing his weight forward with every step. His head was splitting open, a sharp pounding that made him wince and made him keep closing his eyes to shut out the searing-bright light.
The more steps he took, the more it seemed like a good idea to simply return to sleep. Perhaps even on the floor. It would be easy to sink down bonelessly onto the soft carpet and slip into a nap. L resisted the notion.
Halfway across the room he realized he was fully dressed again. At some point Mikami must have put a shirt on him. Had he been unconscious at the time, or had it occurred during a black-out he couldn't remember? If it was a black-out, had anything incriminating or suspicious been revealed?
It could not have been mushrooms. The ones he was putting in the cabbage rolls were clearly maitake and shitake, not psychedelic mushrooms, and he put exactly the same ones in my cabbage rolls as in his own and Misa's. I am sure of it.
L found himself standing in a doorway and leaned against the doorframe. It felt good, and the headache and weakness lessened slightly.
As long as I'm up to get water, I should get cake too. Except, Mikami got rid of it all. There isn't a single sweet thing in the entire house.
I could order a cake to be delivered from the nearest bakery.
L hesitated, peering down the hallway in each direction. One way would lead him to a bathroom where he could get a glass of water, the other to a phone for getting cake. The glowing numbers of a digital clock in the distance showed him that he'd been asleep or otherwise out of it for about seven hours.
Cake will take time, and I might fall asleep again waiting for it. Dehydration is more important.
Still, even after he'd made his decision it was difficult to stop leaning on the doorframe and actually take action. The doorframe was so solid and comfortable, slowly draining his aches away. It was a comforting place to be. The stillness and quiet all around seemed to be gathering strength, preparing to pounce, but just where L stayed there was a sense of safety.
Was I truly asleep during the time I cannot remember, or did I have a black-out?
L shifted position slightly, in the process brushing the side of his head against the doorframe, and winced as a particularly harsh pain throbbed there. He reached up and touched the area, finding a sore, raised lump hidden by his hair.
I must have hit my head harder than I realized when Mikami was carrying me. Is that the entire source of my headache?
Just then a masculine voice called out, incomprehensible and muffled, as if impeded by a wall or a door.
Is that Mikami, or a hallucination?
L left the safety of the doorframe and made his way down the hallway, steadying himself with one hand pressing along the wall, hearing little snatches of the masculine voice becoming more distinct, sounding more like Mikami and filled with almost-understandable words. A few times L heard Misa's murmuring. She sounded happy.
Carefully, in case there were cameras recording his every reaction, L feigned that he noticed nothing as he crept closer to the sounds. It was easy to pretend to be out of it, oblivious and wincing in pain, because that was almost the truth. As L moved further it became apparent that the voices were coming from a bedroom almost directly across the hall from the bathroom L had been aiming for. The bedroom door was open a crack.
Along with the voices becoming more distinct L heard soft wet rhythmic sounds, as of skin against skin. Misa's voice made a long, drawn-out crooning sound of unmistakable pleasure.
There was a pause in the skin-friction sounds and then, in a reverent, awe-struck voice, Mikami said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please forgive me. Please forgive me."
It sounded like the tone of a prayer, urgent and laden with emotion.
A loud thwapping sound followed and Mikami let out a soft, quickly-stifled cry of pain.
Misa said, "Bad!"
Mikami replied, "I know it was wrong. I know. I will never do it again. This is my promise to Kira, to never hurt those Kira loves. Never."
Then the original background sounds started up again, the fleshy, sliding, repetitive noises.
Are they really... what should I do? No, perhaps I am still hallucinating. Even if I see the two of them having sex, I cannot yet be sure it is real.
L pretended that he needed to rest and stopped where he was, slowly sinking down the wall, leaning against it as he slid down. The need to go back to sleep was almost overwhelming. He closed his eyes and fought off the sleepiness, thinking frantically. It was essential to evaluate the situation correctly, to have a plan for how to react if it was real, if it wasn't just another hallucination.
Had Misa acted on her own? Had she created her own plan of some kind? Was it like the plans she'd created by herself before, from impatience and an inability to look ahead to the full consequences, or had she thought it out properly this time?
Perhaps I said or did something suspicious during the time I cannot remember, and Misa felt she had to use desperate measures to get Mikami under control.
Sex was an excellent way to manipulate people, and Mikami showed all the signs of being susceptible to that sort of influence. What better way to control him than to assert dominance over him? In the process, Misa would create a connection from a god to a worshipper that was intimate and also particularly precious to Mikami in his last days of life.
Yet sex was also a poor way to manipulate because it could backfire easily. If it was real, then Misa had just made the showdown against Mikami much more dangerous. Mikami's loyalty was being tested, his perceptions skewed. Could he still respect a Kira who would cheat on her husband? Yet, it did not have to be presented in those terms. Kira was the one in control, and a valued martyr was being given a special gift during his last days of life. That was what Mikami should be led to believe about it.
L suddenly had a very wrong feeling in his stomach. What if Misa had deviated from the plan in an even worse way? What if she had not truly given up the Kira scheme and was conspiring to somehow use Mikami to get the notebooks back and in the hands of a new Kira, one who would not die?
Her belief system had been ruptured rather abruptly and violently; it was possible she might feel regrets about turning away from Light's ideals. If so, she might see manipulating Mikami as a way to create a situation where Kira's judgments could go on without her, where Kira's legacy would continue in the hands of someone capable of judging, unlike herself or Mikami.
It wouldn't work, not against Matt, but Misa wouldn't know that any scheme to restore Kira's tyranny would be useless. Countless scenarios immediately began spinning themselves out in L's mind. L could feel the wrongness beginning to spread from his stomach to the rest of his body, a rising paranoia that threatened to consume his rationality and send him running headlong in another panic attack.
No, if Misa is trying something like that, there is nothing I can do. I will simply die.
The thought of death was calming, anchoring him to reality. Death was the worst that could happen, and it would be a relief of sorts. It put everything else in perspective. He felt stronger. He was still sick to his stomach, but he was certain he could control his feelings.
I should assume Misa is still on my side even if she is truly having sex with Mikami. I must show approval of what she is doing, so that Mikami will not fear for her safety after he is dead and think of killing me for her sake. I need to make it clear that I am submissive to Kira's will, a good follower.
With that in mind, L crawled slowly to the bathroom, pulled himself up to the sink and drank directly out of the faucet in big loud gulps. The water was sweet and refreshing, invigorating him, easing his tired, stretched feeling and causing a slight relief from his headache. The noises and occasional voices from across the hall did not stop. They hadn't heard, or they didn't care. Or perhaps they were hallucinations after all.
L pulled himself up to his full height, stopped squinting even though it was far too bright, and exited the bathroom. Just before he pushed the bedroom door open, he made his face as passive as possible.
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- 36
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Fifty Days