The Key to My Heart

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation (after the manga finishes)
Warnings: bad language, angst

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of ‘Gravitation’, nor am I making any profits from it.


Chapter 38


“Man, oh, man!” Shuichi exclaimed, hopping from one foot to the other. “What’s taking so long?” He paced quickly over to the other side of the room before returning for what seemed like the hundredth time.

Hiro perched calmly on a counter edge, arms folded over his chest, an amused smile on his lips at his friend’s behaviour. He didn’t bother telling Shuichi to calm down as he knew it would be perfectly useless to do so. This was just Shuichi’s normal pre-concert nerves leading up to going on stage so he was used to it by now. That at least hadn’t changed at all.

Suguru looked up with a small frown as Shuichi swept past where he sat gently massaging his fingers to limber them up before playing, but he also refrained from saying anything. He, too, had become quite accustomed to this well before now. In truth, both he and Hiro were no less excited about this concert than Shuichi but they simply didn’t express it in quite the same way.

The door opened and K walked in, “So are we ready?” he asked, glancing at all three and receiving nods of agreement. “Okay then, let’s get lined up.”

They followed him out and down the back passages of the club. From the wings they could see the currently performing band, a duo of singer and guitarist. Shuichi listened with a professional ear to what he was hearing. Not bad, but they had a ways to go yet, he thought critically. Moving slightly he could see past the performers to view the noisy crowd.

This place brought back memories. It was the first place that Bad Luck had performed way back when they were getting started. It had been a turning point in their career as a band and it still held a special place in Shuichi’s heart. They had all been more than curious as to why K had brought them here that evening after having announced that they would be making an unannounced guest appearance at the club, until he had explained that it was what the President had organized. If Tohma Seguchi had arranged it, you didn’t question it further. Shuichi had been surprised at first since this venue wasn’t particularly large, and being here now made him feel quite nostalgic.

The band on stage finished up the last song and the crowd applauded enthusiastically. “They’re two local guys from the neighbourhood,” K shouted as explanation. “Most of the people here probably know them.”

He motioned them to get ready as the Manager of the club stepped forward to announce that they had a very special treat for everyone tonight and they were privileged to have a sneak peak of the new Bad Luck!

Amidst the rising screams of delight, K waved Bad Luck forward and the three of them ran onto the stage; Suguru heading for his beloved keyboards that had been discreetly set out previously, Hiro to his faithful guitar and slipping the strap over his head and pulling his long red hair free, Shuichi straight to the microphone, waving to the crowd. Immediately the opening strains of ‘Rage Beat’ thundered out and although it would have seemed impossible, the crowd went wilder!

K remained in the wings, watching everything carefully, monitoring how the sound and lighting were being controlled to show the band at its best. He sensed a presence near his elbow and glancing sideways found Tohma Seguchi quietly standing there. He didn’t show any surprise. He had given up being surprised by Tohma.

“These surprise performances were such a great idea. Listen to the crowd out there.” He looked at Tohma again. “What made you think of it?”

Tohma smiled at him. “This is the best way to get free publicity out to the masses,” he said. “Although there is no announcement of their attendance, these venues generally will have the same fan base that follows Bad Luck, especially from their early days. By having them appear as a surprise guest, these people feel extremely privileged and will be far more receptive automatically to both the new look and the new music.”

He paused for a moment to watch and listen as Bad Luck continued to play. “When these people leave here they are going to be on a complete ‘high’, and will be only too eager to call everyone they know with similar tastes to tell them of this event and boast of their good fortune. They will wax eloquently about the show and heighten the anticipation of others. When the tickets for the official concert and tour go on sale in two weeks time I predict that they will be sold out within the first few hours - for the entire tour.”

K raised an eyebrow at that last statement. “The whole tour?’ He was a little skeptical. That was a hell of a lot of tickets across the three cities the tour was to take in.

Tohma just turned a very assured smile towards him. “Oh, yes, I do believe so. Would you care to take a wager on that?”

K shook his head. “I don’t think so. Thanks.” No, he wasn’t even going to think about betting against Tohma, no matter how much he thought he was wrong. Tohma had a nasty habit of always winning – sometimes seemingly against the odds.

Tohma turned his attention to the performance. Bad Luck was performing well, very well, and he was more than pleased. These small concerts were designed not only to heighten the expectations of the fans, but also as a means of easing Shuichi back into performing. They also gave Tohma the perfect opportunity to truly assess how Shuichi was as a performer and if he could hold a crowd the way he once used to.

Judging from the reaction of the people here in these first few moments he had no more fears on that front. Shuichi had them eating out of his hand – as always. The singer had abandoned the mike stand and taking the hand piece moved to the very edge of the stage to seemingly sing directly to various people in the audience. This close interaction had always endeared him to the fans. That, and the way he could move his body. Even Tohma had to admit that Shuichi oozed sex appeal when on stage. He may have been an aggravating, know-it all, smart-ass idiot the rest of the time – but on stage he truly came alive! Yes, this little experiment was going very, very well.

Now for the second part.

Tohma glanced out at the crowd again, looking past the lights and peering through the faces, searching. He would have to get down closer, he was too far away here to see properly.

He turned and began to move away, saying to K before he left, “Make certain that you get them,” nodding towards the band, “away quickly afterwards or they’ll be mobbed. We only want to give the fans a taste of what is to come, not the whole cake.”

K gave a small salute and, with a grin, pulled out his trusty gun and cocked it. “No problemo!” he said cheerfully.

“Oh, and try not to harm anyone,” Tohma looked back over his shoulder to the gun-toting American. “NG Productions doesn’t wish to have to cover the bills for any personal damages.” He ignored K’s crest-fallen expression as he walked away.

Tohma made his way around the back of the stage and slipped down the side passage to mingle with the edges of the crowd. Would he come?, he wondered, looking around. He couldn’t see him yet and he was certain he had not arrived earlier. Eiri had no interest in the type of band that had been playing previously and this was not a place that he would frequent generally. He also knew that Eiri had a great aversion to being in places with too many people around him - another left-over from the unfortunate incident in New York. The feel of bodies pressed against him, that trapped feeling, brought back too many uncomfortably memories so he made certain to avoid them.

So, if Eiri came he would not be towards the front of the crowd where it was the thickest. If he came he would be at the back somewhere. Tohma tried to peer further ahead and sighed in frustration. His lack of height was making this very difficult. This was definitely one time where if he were as tall as Eiri it would be of great advantage. He gave another sigh and pulled his coat in tighter around his body. There was nothing for it but to bodily push his way through the crowd which was now packed almost to the back wall and try and find Eiri the hard way.

He began doing so, not even bothering to apologise to the people he bumped against. There was two reasons for that; not because he wasn’t being polite, but the music was so loud that no-one would have heard his apologies in the first place, and with everyone bouncing and moving in time to the beat and with being so closely packed together in the first place, another body bumping against them meant nothing. Although Tohma was beginning to think that he would be more than a little bruised by the time this night was over he persevered and continued on his way.

After all the effort he had gone to, to organize this meeting and in having the two main players, that being Shuichi and Eiri, in the same place, at the same time, he wasn’t about to give up so easily just yet!

************

Yuki stood outside the doors and continued to smoke. He saw the door checkers leaning there, large burly men, black t-shirts stretched tight across bulging muscles. Apes, he thought idly to himself and dismissed them from his mind. Although they were turning away people from the club he wasn’t concerned about that. He had a special pass, one that at this moment lay at the bottom of his coat pocket. Tohma had left it on the table of his home when he had visited earlier that day. He remembered the conversation only too well.

“You should come, Eiri. It would be good for you to get out of the house, and it would stop Mika worrying about you.”

“I thought you were the one worrying,” Yuki growled.

Tohma smiled at him, “Of course, I am. But you know perfectly well that if I don’t do something, Mika will be here in my place. Is that what you want?”

Yuki glowered at him. Which was worse?, he wondered. Tohma, or his sister? Argh, it was damned if he did, or damned if he didn’t.

“I’ll think about it,” he grudgingly conceded.

Tohma nodded and stood, “That’s good then.” He turned to the door, opening it to let himself out and turned to speak over his shoulder once more. “Now, don’t be late. You wouldn’t want to miss it. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

Yuki still didn’t know just what Tohma thought this would accomplish. So what if Bad Luck had a new look? What did that matter to him? Though even as he tried to convince himself of that, another little voice was whispering at how he really wanted to see how Shuichi looked in person. He craved to see Shuichi, with a hunger that gnawed at his insides like a staved wolf gnawing a bone.

He dropped the cigarette and ground it under his heel. Should he go in? How would Tohma know if he had come or not? It was a small crowded, dark club. Just how would he know if Yuki wasn’t present?

He ground his teeth together. The problem is that Tohma would know – somehow. He would probably be looking for him even now, just to make certain that he had come, and if he wasn’t found then he would carry through with his threat and tell Mika. Then he would get a real earful. Tohma nagged him quietly – Mika’s nagging was far more vocal. The way he was feeling at the moment he really couldn’t handle that.

Then let’s get this over with, he snarled to himself. He walked with dragging steps towards the door, reluctance evident in his entire posture. Anyone would think he was a condemned man taking the final walk to his place of execution. A bouncer held up his hand to impede his progress but he just thrust the pass in the man’s face, scowling. The man raised an eyebrow but didn’t take umbrage at Yuki’s brusque behaviour, instead just waved him in before returning to quieten the clamouring cries from the crowd that had gathered there and were being refused entry.

During the time he had stood outside procrastinating he had noticed the crowd building, had noticed people leaving the club at a run or speaking rapidly into cell phones and soon being joined by two, three, sometimes more people in tow to enter. He just shook his head. He knew perfectly well what Tohma was doing. Whilst the club wasn’t full, people were free to leave so those that were already here once Bad Luck appeared would be spreading the word rapidly. The club owners would be delighted with the extra patronage and Tohma would have all the free publicity and advertising he could want without having to lift a finger. Oh, yes, Tohma had this all planned out well.

He pushed through the doors to find there was barely room to breathe let alone stand. He managed to move to one side and press his back up against the wall, looking over the heads of the crowd towards the stage. As this was only a small venue it wasn’t that far away and he could see Shuichi clearly.

He was wearing exactly what he had seen on TV, the new body design picked up clearly in the stage lighting. They were in the middle of one of their old songs ‘Spicy Marmalade’, a good strong dance beat to keep the mood of the crowd excited and high. It was also a more than an apt song to suit the bare torsoed lead singer in tight leather pants. He could see Shuichi’s wide smile, could almost swear that he could see the young man’s large eyes sparkling with joy at performing just as he always did.

He remembered the first time he had seen Shuichi on stage, in this very place; small, no where near as crowded as it was now. They were unpolished back then, but the sheer presence that Shuichi had commanded had been evident even at that time. He had been quite engrossed by the boy during that first performance, seeing far more in him that he had previously. He was no longer just some skinny teenager that had suddenly appeared in his life and was bugging him. Suddenly he saw another side to this person - perhaps it was a glimpse of just what he could be and what he would become.

He remembered how he had stood there, watching Shuichi sing, pouring his heart and soul into his music. He remembered how he had felt himself get caught up in the beat, pulled in almost against his will, focusing every portion of his attention on that one person who commanded centre stage. It had been intoxicating and quite overwhelming - and completely unexpected.

That was probably the first time that Yuki had really ‘looked’ at Shuichi. And he suddenly realized that there was something there that he was…drawn to. Something that he wanted in his life even though he was still denying it.

Now… he watched the new Shuichi on the stage and felt his heart contract. Yes, Shuichi was still magnificent when performing. Yes, this new look did suit him and was probably perfect to re-launch Bad Luck. But all he could see was the lost image of how Shuichi used to look; black shorts and yellow coat and all the silly costumes in-between.

And with that lost look, he felt he had lost the last vestiges of the Shuichi that had been his back then. He felt that now, he had truly lost Shuichi.

Suddenly the room was far too hot, the pressing bodies around him crowding him, confining him, trapping him here and forcing him to endure this torment over and over again. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t stay, he had to get out of here. His stomach was cramping, bile burning at the back of his throat. He could feel sweat trickling down his forehead, dripping into his eyes. Violently he pushed away from the wall and thrust past the few people blocking his way to the exit and fled.

He ignored the shouts from the bouncers on the door and the crowd still gathered there as he pushed past at a run. He didn’t pause until he had turned the corner and was out of sight. Only paused because he had no choice but to do so as he supported himself against the wall and violently vomited.

He wiped the back of a hand across his lips, the bitter taste still in his mouth, his whole body shaking. His vision was blurring. He didn’t know if it was sweat or tears, either way he really didn’t care. His mind was screaming at him, not letting up, giving him no peace. The vision of Shuichi in the club assaulted the back of his eyes over and over again; taunting him, teasing him, paining him beyond belief.

He kept a hand on the wall as he staggered towards where his car was parked in the next street over, sometimes barely able to keep his feet as he tripped over seemingly innumerable obstacles put there to impede his progress. His hands were shaking so badly it seemed to take forever before he could slip the key in the ignition. As soon as the engine fired up he pulled out into the road with reckless abandon and a squeal of rubber. He had to get away. He couldn’t tell where he was, nothing was making sense in his mind, no landmarks, no street signs, nothing. He couldn’t think at all.

His stomach kept cramping and he raised a hand to his mouth as it threatened to make him sick again. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as the pain hit him hard. Stop it, stop it, stop it!, he screamed at the image of Shuichi smiling, eyes sparkling brightly, such a happy look. How could he be happy?! Why was he happy?!

Yuki tried to keep his eyes open, his fingers wrapped around the steering wheel so tightly the knuckles were turning white but he was unaware of that small ache against the larger. He tried to watch where he was going, he tried to even see the road on which he was driving but he couldn’t. All he could see was Shuichi and the tears that were streaming down his face filled his vision completely.

He didn’t see what speed he was doing, didn’t realize the pressure he was applying to the accelerator that pushed the black Mercedes along at a break-neck pace. He didn’t see the corner or the guard rail - until it was too late.

****************

Shuichi felt the excitement pounding through his body as he ran on stage, the screams of the crowd echoing in his ears. He could feel it coursing through every vein, making his nerves tingle in anticipation. It made him want to move, to dance, all that energy had to go somewhere, to be used in some way. He grabbed the microphone, hearing Suguru start the introduction to ‘Rage Beat’, with Hiro joining him a heartbeat later. If anything he felt his excitement increase, his entire body beginning to quiver with a need, a need that could only be expressed in song.

He melded perfectly with the music, coming in on cue, allowing the music to flow over him, through him, filling his senses. He filled every word with the required emotion, letting it spill out and onto the audience, washing over them, immersing them in his world.

He could look past the stage lighting to the faces beyond. In this small venue it was easier to see individuals, it wasn’t just one dark blur in the distance. He could see a young girl, mouth open as she screamed in delight, could see a couple gyrating together in time to the music, could see two youths singing along, no doubt loudly and probably tunelessly. But he could see them all. They were people, each and every one of them. And it was his music, it was his song, that was bringing them all together. He lost himself further in the strains of the song, reaching out to these nameless people, drawing them in further, making them his.

The applause that greeted the end of ‘Rage Beat’ was deafening, so much so that Suguru was forced to swiftly wipe away tiny flakes of plaster that showered down on his keyboard and causing him to glance upwards with a slight worried frown. Shuichi couldn’t help but grin at that. It was so like Suguru to worry about the ceiling falling down!

But he soon forgot about Suguru as Hiro started up the intro to ‘Spicy Marmalade’, and Suguru wasn’t slow in joining him with gusto. The crescendo they created swept over Shuichi so he felt he was caught up in a vortex of sound, a very whirlpool of tones that swept him onwards and lifted him up. Oh, yes, he thought blissfully as he closed his eyes for a moment, savouring this feeling of pure ecstasy. He remembered this, he remembered all of this!

He opened his eyes as he opened his mouth and began to sing, this time abandoning the microphone stand and drawing closer to the stage edging. He sang directly to the crowd, projecting his voice further to reach right to the back of the room. It seemed to his eyes that the very walls seemed to move in and out in time with the beat, as though the room was a living being breathing, or a heart pumping.

He kept singing, moving along the stage edge, pointing to people randomly as he sang. The cries and screams rose in volume. Ah, he had them!, he thought with maniacal glee, he had them completely. They were his; body, mind, heart and soul! They were his!

It was coming up to the musical interlude shortly which would be a chance for him to show this audience just how flexible he had become and to what advantage he could show off this new look he was sporting. That, he was looking forward to!

He was coming to the end of the last verse, ready to spin away and begin his routine when something caught his eye. A person. There. Right at the back, pressed against the wall. A person with blonde hair that seemed to stand out in the darkness of this club as the swirling lights flicked past.

Shuichi felt his voice cease, halting on the end of the last word. His voice was gone, completely. He just stood there looking. He remembered. He remembered another time and place. This club, it was here at this club so long ago when they were playing. He had remembered that before, but he had still forgotten one thing. One person. That person. The same person standing there now. It seemed completely surreal. Was it real? Was HE real? Was it just an illusion of a past memory?

Shuichi felt frozen in place, unable to move, unable to barely think clearly. He remembered standing here like that once before. Could remember how surprised he had been to see Yuki standing there, not expecting him to come even though he had asked him to do so.

He had been surprised, but also there had been a swelling in his heart, a feeling of excitement, or self-pride even. He had wanted to show the man just what he could do. That he wasn’t just a nobody, that he was good enough to be a singer despite what he thought.

He had been so sure of himself, and so determined to prove Yuki wrong. It was a challenge that he couldn’t pass up. And he had wanted to sing his best for that man, not just to prove that he could, but because seeing him standing there, knowing he had come after all, had made him WANT to sing and sing his very best.

He had wanted his song to be for Yuki that time. He wanted to sing directly to the man himself, to reach out and touch him in a way he ached to do physically as well. So that is what he did. He had poured everything he had into that song and into that performance whilst Yuki had stood there watching with those piercing hazel eyes that burned to the very bottom of Shuichi’s soul.

And now…..now he was here. He was here. He was right there, standing at the back, just as he had been before. It was him! Wasn’t it? Could he call out to him? Could he tell him to wait, to let him apologise? He wanted to see him, to speak to him, to be with him!

Suddenly his vision was blocked for a moment. Something was standing in front of him. He moved his head slightly so he could look past the obstruction but could no longer see Yuki there. He felt panic clawing at his insides, his eyes searching frantically, trying to locate that tall figure. Where was he? He couldn’t see him! Where had he gone?

“Shu!” It was his name being called. Was it Yuki calling him? No, it didn’t sound like Yuki. Where was Yuki? Where had he gone?

His heart seemed to stop in his chest. Perhaps he had never been there. Perhaps it had been no more than a dream of the past, a wish of what once had been. Perhaps…..he was still alone.

*************

Hiro knew something wasn’t right. They had already discussed how the performance was to go. When it came to the musical interlude, Shuichi would begin his stage routine. He had been looking forward to trying it out, to see how the audience would respond, and had been practicing hard for the past two weeks. So when the last note of Shuichi’s vocals seemed to cut short and he remained standing in place, Hiro knew with complete certain that something was wrong.

He motioned with his head, giving the prearranged signal to the tech to bring the spotlight to himself and off Shuichi, in the hope that the audience wouldn’t notice that their lead singer seemed suddenly incapacitated. Hiro threw himself into his piece, walking forward to take his place at the stage edging in the far left corner, drawing attention away from the still motionless Shuichi. He continued to play, performing to the crowd in a way he didn’t normally do as Shuichi was usually the exhibitionist in the group, hoping that this would give Shuichi time to recover but it didn’t seem to be working and he was becoming more worried.

He glanced across towards Suguru to see him looking his way. Yes, his other bandmate would have realized something was wrong as well. Hiro gave a small signal to the keyboardist who nodded agreement before giving the signal to the tech once more.

The spotlight flicked off Hiro and onto Suguru who proceeded to play up a storm, fingers flying over the keys and extending the interlude beyond what it normally would be, but making it so astonishing to listen to that Hiro was certain that the audience really wouldn’t notice the difference in time. Making the most of this opportunity he swiftly made his way to where Shuichi still stood standing.

“Shu!” he hissed, trying to bring his friend out of whatever trance he seemed to be in.

There was no response, just a glassy look in his eyes and shocked expression on his face. Just what was Shuichi seeing, or thought he was seeing?, Hiro wondered, getting more and more worried. If they couldn’t get him out of this and back on track, he didn’t know how they would be able to salvage this night, and that could spell the end of Bad Luck before they had even had the chance to start.

“Shu, will you snap out of it! Come on, man, get with the programme!”

He saw Shuichi’s eyes flick past his shoulder, looking out beyond the crowd. He turned his head for a quick look himself, trying to follow his friend’s line of sight but could see nothing.

“Shu!”

He was just contemplating whether to reach out and shake him to see if that would get some response when he saw Shuichi’s eyes come back into focus. He blinked a few times as though not certain where he was and then focused fully on Hiro’s face. Hiro felt a huge wave of relief. It looked like he was okay.

“Hiro?”

“You okay?”

“Ah?” Shuichi glanced around, taking in quickly what was going on and listening with no little astonishment to Suguru’s spontaneous extra arrangements to the song. He realized then what his friends had been trying to do. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Let’s finish up.”

“You got it!”

Hiro moved across the stage, picking up the tune once more as he went, until he was standing close to Suguru on the edge of the spotlight. He gave the younger man a smile and nod to indicate that all was well once more. He saw Suguru roll his eyes in response and shift back to the standard arrangement whilst Hiro gave the signal to the tech and the spotlight left them and spilt back down in Shuichi, who stepped forward and proceeded to belt out the final verse and chorus for the last time.

As the last chord faded away the volume of the screams continued to climb until it was almost deafening. The three members of Bad Luck stood side by side and took their bows and accolades, cheerfully smiling and waving to their adoring public as they left the stage. Their ears were still ringing from all the noise and it was with great relief that they finally reached the small dressing room at the back and could close the door to deaden the sound.

There was a sharp knock on the door before it opened again.

“Just wait here a moment,” K said, sticking his head in, “I’ll get the car and we’ll leave immediately. Don’t worry about the equipment, that’s being taken care of.” He disappeared again leaving the three men alone.

Shuichi sat slumped in a chair, a water bottle clutched in his hand. He had immediately drunk half of it down upon entering the room, not surprising considering how hard he had been singing, but now he just sat there looking completely lost.

“Hey, Shuichi, what happened out there?” Hiro asked quietly, dragging a chair closer to his friend and sitting down.

“Did you get stage fright?” Suguru asked from over at the side.

Hiro cast a quick glance to the younger man. Was that the problem, he wondered. Had it all been too much for Shuichi? Too much, too soon?

“No,” Shuichi said quietly, drawing Hiro’s attention back to his friend. “No, it wasn’t stage fright.” He gave a crooked smile to both Hiro and Suguru. “Don’t worry about me,” he tried to say cheerfully although Hiro could tell it was forced. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Hiro said bluntly, “You froze out there. If it wasn’t stage fright then what was it? You’ve got tell us, Shu. We can’t have that sort of thing happening again. Next time we might not be able to cover for you. If you tell us what’s wrong then we can try and help you.”

Shuichi stood up and walked over to where his shirt was hanging. He could feel his skin beginning to cool and didn’t want to get a chill. “It’s not a problem, Hiro, honestly. I…just thought I remembered something, that’s all.”

“Remembered something? About here? I thought you already did remember this place?”

“Yeah, I did. There was just…one thing I had forgotten.” He cast another smile over his shoulder at them both. “Look, it’s fine, it just caught me by surprise. It’s not going to happen again. It was a memory strictly about this place from our first performance here, so now that I’ve remembered it there shouldn’t be any more problems, right?”

Before Hiro could reply, the door was pushed open and K was standing there. “Come on, time to go, boys.” He ushered them out to the waiting car, discreetly parked out the back with fortunately no fans gathered around.

Shuichi was quiet during the drive and was the first to be dropped off. As he exited the car Hiro leant forward and grabbed his arm. “Are you sure you’re okay? I can stay over if you want to talk.”

Shuichi smiled, this time a little more genuinely. “Nah, I’m okay now. Thanks for covering for me, Hiro. And you, Suguru.” A soft snort was the only reply to that last which served to make his smile broaden. That made Hiro feel better at least.

“Okay then. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yep, certainly will. See ya!”

Hiro watched as his friend turned and made his way into his apartment, then the car pulled away and carried on with its journey.

“Really think he’s all right?” A soft voice asked.

Hiro looked over to see Suguru watching him intently, a worried frown on his young face. Hiro shrugged, “I don’t know. I just wish I knew what it was that he suddenly remembered from that place that could have frozen him up like that. It was almost like when….”

His voice trailed off as he suddenly put two and two together, and came up with five. Of course, it was just like the first time. When Yuki had come to their first concert. Shuichi had responded in just the same way. So, had it just been a memory, Hiro now wondered, chewing on his bottom lip. Or had Shuichi really seen something there tonight?

Or someone.

***************

Yuki slowly opened his eyes, feeling them gritty as though he had been asleep for too long. He found himself looking up at a beige coloured ceiling, not the colour of his own bedroom. What…? He tried to remember what had happened.

“Ah, so you have decided to join us again.” Yuki turned his head to see Tohma sitting quietly in a chair by his bed. A hospital bed, and he was in a hospital room. Hospital. Again. He tried to sit up and gasped, one hand going to his ribs as shooting pains cut through him.

“Careful, you cracked a couple of ribs. And gave yourself a nasty knock on the head also.” Tohma didn’t move from his position, just watching Yuki carefully.

Yuki took a deep breath and this time, with more care, managed to sit upright, resting back against the pillows with a sigh. He then noticed the white bandage wrapped tightly around his right arm, stretching from wrist to elbow.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing more than some abrasions. You’ve done no permanent damage to the arm. Though,” and now a hint of steel entered Tohma’s voice making Yuki look at his brother-in-law in surprise. “You probably deserved to have done so. Even for you, Eiri, this was a stupid move.”

Yuki was more than a little startled by the change of tone. Tohma rarely chided him for anything, no matter what he did, and certainly never in that tone of voice. Where was all the incessant mothering and fussing? Where was the blithe forgiveness for all his transgressions? What was with him this time?

Tohma remained where he sat, just watching Yuki who couldn’t read his expression at all. Fuck it, Yuki thought, what did he care if Tohma didn’t like what he was doing! But close on the heels of that thought was a tendril of fear that his one permanent supporter was no longer that. That the one person that he had always counted on for most of his life, was no longer quite on his side any more.

That feeling rocked him to the bottom of his soul as he felt that a rug he had been standing on was beginning to waver uncertainly under his feet like it was about to be pulled away, and what that rug was hiding was a yawning black abyss that he would plummet into, to fall endlessly into nothing. The vision frightened him, freezing his soul. He didn’t want to lose anything more! He couldn’t bear it.

The pain cramped his stomach again and didn’t go away. He began to gag, choking on the bile. Blood was pounding through his temples, almost drowning out all other sounds but he could hear enough to know that a nurse had been called and then that warm soothing arm was placed around his shoulder, just as it had been so long ago, giving him such a tremendous feeling of relief once more, and a basin was placed under his chin as he threw up again. A nurse appeared and quickly assessed the situation and administered the required medication, before ensuring that Yuki was made more comfortable.

Whilst she fussed around Yuki ignored her, instead looking up into the face of the one who sat on the bed at his side, supporting him.

Tohma looked down at him fondly, a small smile on his lips. “Oh, Eiri, how do you manage to get yourself into such states?” That smile and the warm tone made Yuki almost wilt in relief. It was all right. Everything was still all right. He wasn’t alone.

He shrugged Tohma’s arm away, turning his head to hide his expression, not wanting to reveal his sudden feeling of vulnerability. What did it matter if he was alone, he told himself, hardening his heart. He could look after himself. He didn’t need anyone!

Tohma took his withdrawal with good grace, saying nothing as he returned to his chair once more and waiting for Yuki to pull himself together and finally turn to face him. When he did, Tohma could see none of that lost, pleading-for-affection look that he had glimpsed just a moment before. At that time, it had seemed he was once again holding a young sixteen year old Eiri, offering what comfort he could and trying to bring a smile to that face once more. The face that watched him now was far older than that, the look in the eyes more cynical, the expression colder. The vulnerable sixteen year old was gone, replaced with the more mature, and in some ways a far weaker, Eiri.

Ah, well, Tohma sighed softly to himself, it couldn’t have lasted anyway, although his heart did at times yearn for the Eiri of younger days, to see again that smile that used to come so easily and freely, not grudgingly as it did afterwards. And since returning from North America, not seen at all.

“So are you going to tell me what happened?” Tohma asked, leaning back and crossing his legs to indicate to Yuki that he had no intention of leaving this room until he had a suitable answer.

Yuki glared at him, reading the body language perfectly. He scowled fiercely. “I had an accident. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal,” Tohma said, “is why did you have the accident.”

“I went to the stupid club just as you asked me to. I couldn’t stand the place so I left. I was driving too fast and I lost control. So what? It’s happened before. And in case you hadn’t noticed,” and now Yuki’s tone turned sarcastic, “I happen to have a stomach ulcer that’s a real bitch sometimes.”

“Hmm,” Tohma pursed his lips, watching Yuki with clear eyes. “So you did go to the club?”

“Yeah, I went to the fucking club. Remember, we had a deal, so keep Mika off my back!”

“You are correct, we did have a deal. You will be kept safe from her.” Tohma shifted his position. “So what did you think?”

“About what?”

Tohma raised an eyebrow, “About Bad Luck.”

“What’s there to think? They’re a standard pop band just like all the others you churn out, and it was the same trite songs they had played before.”

“But what about Shindou’s new look? What did you think of that?”

“It’s lewd, flamboyant and gaudy and the fans will probably go crazy for it. You know that, which is why you agreed to it. Why are you interested in my opinion? I’ve got nothing to do with them, and I don’t want to have anything to do with them. So quit sticking your fucking nose in my fucking life!”

“Ah,” Tohma sat in silence for a moment longer and then stood, moving the chair back to its position against the wall. “Well, do try and take care of yourself, Eiri. No doubt you will be allowed home in a couple of days so try and do as the doctors ask you. If you need anything, you know how to contact me.”

“I don’t need anything. Or anyone!” was Yuki’s parting snarl as Tohma exited the room.

Tohma walked slowly down the hospital corridor. Oh, Eiri, he thought sadly, how wrong could you be!