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Faith	By : BishiMistress Category: +S to Z > Trinity Blood Views: 6602 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Darkephoenix: We're gonna get stuck in a squee loop :P Proud? PROUD? *gets all big and watery eyed sniiiiff* Thanks! I hope you like this chapter even better. I hope this update makes you happy and you don't hate me for it! *hides in the closet* I read and reviewed and I'm like drooling for more, KEEP WRITING!

DarkCrusnikMagician: I know I'm so full of angst! Yesh angsty and sexagon! I doubt you'll be too happy at the end of this chapter, but read anyway! I was just feeling bad that some people were disappointed when I didn't update and I thought I might get more reviews sooner if I emailed people. I really hope you guys like the sequel. I got your email and as soon as I'm done with this post, I will email you! squeeeeeeeeee!

winterfrau: you have no idea ;) Gotta tell someone or she'll go *pop* and yeah, I miss them too. But I just saw the first episode where Cain's like... really all in the story and WOW.... was I off the mark or WHAT?! Holy schnikes I wouldn't wanna run into HIM on the street. Hot damn, but he's hot ;) I'll throw in Cain and Isaak before I end this story, I promise.

Astharoshe: Yeah, preggers with twins and boys. I thought I wrote boys in that chapter where he leaves her at the Vatican, but I didn't read it again since i posted, maybe I left it out. I hope you're still waiting for more after reading this

Please please please don't hate me. *hides*

Chapter 35: It Will Be a Lifetime Until the Next

Alex wandered from the darkened garden, Hugue�s advice still ringing in her ears. She prayed he was right, but had an awful, sinking, feeling that he was wrong. She fretted over how to tell Abel. She knew she didn�t want him to see the images Hugue had seen. Hugue seemed overly accepting, maybe because he knew in his heart they could never be more than friends. Abel was different; he thought of her as his and she thought of him and hers. How could this possibly just be accepted? She couldn�t lie and pretend that she hadn�t welcomed Cain�s advances, even fallen into a lovers� routine with him day in and day out. It had only been mere weeks that she�d been with him and it had taken so little time for her to just bend to his will. It had only been weeks with Abel as well. She berated herself mentally for being so loose with herself. How had she found herself walking along this path, tangled and covered with brambles?

�Just be honest with him, Alexandra. He has to know eventually why you are pulling away from him. You don�t want him to find out in a rush like I did, that�s not an image Abel needs in his mind. His hatred and anger for his brother run deeper than you know. You must be gentle and you must be honest with him and yourself.� Hugue had seemed so confident.

Alex scoffed in the darkened corridors, the harsh noise rattling off the stones and funneling back into her sensitive ears. She winced at the noise just as much as her disturbing thoughts. She knew some of what Hugue said was true, in fact, most of it was true. When it came to Cain, she had no other choice but submit to his will. He could destroy buildings, cities, lives with the flick of his wrist. He had legions of the cruelest Methuselah at his beck and call and once she was in his clutches, she had no choice but to obey. Though obedience was a necessity, her complete willingness was not. She could have let him take her body, but he had wormed his way into her soul. She couldn�t lie to herself, even if she could lie to others. Hugue believed it was the aftermath of his mental meddling, but she knew better. Toward the end of her captivity she�d been quite lucid and had let herself go to him. She had desired him.

She didn�t know if she could hide this from Abel, and she knew she couldn�t hide it from herself. How could he love her after knowing this terrible truth? How could anyone�s love be unconditional enough to be unshaken by such a revelation? No one in her entire lifetime had been devoted enough to even overlook her smallest flaws, let alone overlook something like this. Yet, Hugue had been there for her. He had comforted her, wiped her tears away, and told her that he loved her still. He didn�t push her away for bowing to a monster. She hadn�t quite convinced herself of Abel�s acceptance, but she knew that there would be no more avoiding him and his advances. When it came to Cain and Abel, there was at least one thing they had in common: once they set their eyes on something, they would not be denied.

Alex rounded the corner and stalked into the corridor where her chambers were, her eyes roving through the darkness. Alex heard the slightest rustle of clothing, but found her wrist caught in a tight grip before she could even respond. A month earlier her immediate response would have been to scream as loud as she could, but a month of being kept in a place where screaming only tantalized your captors made her remain silent. She fought violently against the hand that held her, but was shocked to find herself being dragged into her own room, despite her new strength, the heavy door locking behind her. She fought like a rabid thing, clawing and kicking until she was pressed a little roughly against the wall, her hands pinned on either side of her head. She looked up to see loose silver locks pooling over a shoulder and blue eyes glittering in the low light.

�Abel?� Alex�s voice was thick and choked with barely checked tears, her fear having boiled over. She trembled and Abel immediately loosened his grip, leaning toward her until their lips were a breath apart.

�It�s only me, Alex. I didn�t mean to frighten you, but you can�t keep running from me. I miss you.� Abel pressed his lips to hers gently, but she tore her face away, turning it away from him.

�Nnn.� Alex struggled, refusing to reply to his demands. �Please. Release me.� Alex�s voice veiled a steadily rising panic and Abel released her, scooping her into a warm hug. Alex gripped his shoulders, meaning to push away, but as soon as she inhaled his comforting scent she relented and melted into his arms. He held her tight, placing kisses on her neck and face.

�Alexandra.� Abel�s voice and manners conveyed an ache that Alexandra hadn�t seen before. She nuzzled into him and bit her lip, praying to anyone who could hear her that he would love and accept her despite her terrible secret. When Abel cradled her face, kissing her swollen, waterlogged lips, brushing away her tears with his thumbs, Alex�s entire frame began to tremble.

�Abel!� Alex threw her arms around his neck, holding him with all the ferocity their hidden Crusnik forms would allow.

�Shhh. You�re here with me and you�ll never be taken away again. I swear it.� Abel threaded his fingers through her long hair, soothing her twisted nerves.

�Abel. I have to tell you something.�

�No, Alexandra. I shouldn�t have pushed you. You can talk when you�re ready, but you can�t keep pushing me away. I can feel you relax when I�m near you, yet you won�t let me touch you. I know...� Abel�s voice ground to a halt as though continuing his sentence caused him great strife. �I know Cain and I are alike in appearance, but... I am nothing like him.� Abel brushed his lips against hers. Alex opened to him beautifully, relaxing her grip, kissing him warmly in return. Abel made a soft groan in the back of his throat, thrilled to have her so responsive for the first time in so many nights.

�Abel, wait.� Alex pulled away, smiling unconvincingly at him.

�Wait for what?� Abel resumed kissing her neck and moved to her shoulder, brushing her hair back over her shoulder. She shuddered and her breath hitched, but she pulled away slightly, trying to convince him with another fake smile.

�Come on, didn�t you want to talk?�

�I can tell you just how I�m feeling without speaking to you, Alex.� His hand cupped one side of her throat while his lips trailed soft nibbles up the other side. Alex bit her lip to hold in a whimper, but when his thumb shifted, his hand gripping her throat more fully, and his body pressed more fully against her own, Alex�s panic returned, immediately hitting a fever pitch.

�No!� Alex shoved against Abel, hard. Abel was taken aback, his face the perfect expression of shock. Alex�s was contorted as though she expected to be struck. She stared intensely at the floor, her face paling where it normally would have colored brightly. Abel looked at the frightened, hunched woman before him and realized for the first time since her disappearance that she had been irrevocably changed.

�Alexandra, I�m sorry. I didn�t mean to...� Abel�s sentence was left to hang in the stifling distance between them. He wasn�t even sure what he meant to say. He was devastated that his loving touch had evoked such a reaction and he recognized that his worst fear had been realized all along. Cain had taken her by force.

�You know, don�t you?�

�We all suspected it after my tussle with Cain, but... I held some hope that it wasn�t true.� Abel watched her, his emotions flashing erratically between anger, sorrow and guilt. Alex�s face crumpled into a tortured heap and Abel drew closer to her. She shook her head violently and slid sideways along the wall to evade him.

�No.� Her whispered was tremulous and quiet, pleading. Abel withdrew his hands as if she would shatter under the gentlest caress.

�Alexandra, please. I just want to comfort you. I won�t push for anything more.� She continued to shake her head, her limbs slowly infected by her earlier trembling.

�I am tainted.� Fat tears leaked down her pale face, her skin a perfect shade of porcelain since her transformation.

�Alexandra. It isn�t your fault.�

�Yes, it is. It�s such an ironic punishment that it must be divine in origin.� Alex�s face twisted into a shadow of a bitter smile and Abel felt himself shudder at her curious reversion to the girl he had met that first stormy night in a small Cathedral not far from where they stood now. He had the terrible sinking feeling that their relationship was headed in reverse and that she would leave him the way she came: into darkness, followed by the rain.

�Alexandra, where did this come from? Why are you so distant and why won�t you talk to me?�

�Because if I told you what I had to say you would never be able to look me in the eyes again. Or perhaps I would never be able to looks you in the eyes.�

�Alexandra, stop this. You must know by now that I love you deeply. I know I never said it before you were captured, but I swore to myself that if you were returned safely I would tell you everyday. I never got the chance because you pulled away from me.�

�You will regret ever having said it to me. You will regret knowing me, just like everyone else whose lives I have sullied.�

�Alexandra stop this! You are going around in ambiguous circles. I don�t know what you�re referring to, and I can�t think of a single thing that could make me love you any less.�

�Did you know that Isaac can disappear into the smallest corner shadow and watch you all day long? You would never know what wall had ears, what ceiling had eyes. You would just feel your skin crawling.� Abel was quiet, shocked by the haunted look on Alex�s face.

�Alex.� He had nothing else to offer her when her speech was cut short.

�Did you know that Cain maintains his Crusnik form when in the presence of his coven, but tosses it aside in the bedroom?� Alex�s voice dropped off to a whisper on the last word. �He scared the shit out of me. I was never terrified looking at you in all your glory because when your wings were spread and your scythe drawn, it was always for protection. He kept his form that first night, after Isaak had broken my finger and cracked my skull into the wall, to intimidate me further. I was so out of it, that all I could do was lay there, frightened. He... he promised he would make it better.� Abel reached out to pull Alex in, instinctively wanting to comfort her, but she pulled away, shaking her head at his silent plea.

�Alexandra, please.� She moved away from him, looking smaller and smaller as she went.

�Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been a lifetime since my last confession.� Alex smiled that ghostly, chilling smile, looking out into the expanses of the darkened room. �He... I can�t say it...� Alex ducked her head for a moment, hiding behind the curtain of her hair, her shoulders shaking in a silent sob. When she raised her face, moments later, tears were pouring down her cheeks once more. �Isaac cast some sort of spell and he made Cain�s hair... silver.� Alex gulped as though bile were rising in her throat, following her revolting confession.

�Oh, Alex...� Abel�s face knotted in agony, finally realizing just how badly Cain had hurt her.

�He... let Isaac join in that first time. I had been there a week with no food, no clothing. They took my clothes away and I never saw them again until the day I was abandoned, unceremoniously, on the Vatican�s doorstep. Isaac stayed with me constantly during the day, while Cain disappeared to deal with the coven. He would take little drinks from me and beat me with these...toys he kept in a huge chest. Cain would return, ask me if I was ready to recognize him as my Master.� Abel bit his lower lip, drawing blood in his anger. He struggled to remain quiet, to allow her to continue. �I was too weak to move on my own, everything ached. I couldn�t even think straight. Time passed and I was there and gone, sometimes conscious of my surroundings, sometimes allowing my mind to wander away from my body. When Cain returned for the night, he told me all I had to do was say that damned word, just for him to hear. I... was so hungry, so sore. I never realized how painful hunger could be. I said it. I hated myself for saying it, but I said it.�

Abel ran his fingers roughly through his loose hair, finding it difficult to keep quiet during her confession. She noticed his rising discomfort and wondered if she should stop. To her dismay, she found that now that she had started, she wanted him to know; she couldn�t stop if she wanted to.

�When Isaac brought me food, the smell of it made me sick. I was so hungry I couldn�t even eat. Cain made me take a drink from Isaac. I bite him quite badly, injuring that pretty little neck of his. I wanted to shred him. When I was finished though, I could stomach the food. I crammed as much as I could down my throat, and Cain brought me back to bed.� Alex tried to silence the denial in her mind.

No, you crawled to him.

�He tried to kiss me, to fondle me, to be gentle. It would have been easier if he had just...� Alex swiped angrily at her tears, unable to finish that sentence. �He said he would do anything to make it easier on me, that he wouldn�t force me. When I looked up at him, his hair...it was an illusion.�

Alex bit her lip, groaning to herself, struggling to clear the image from her mind, the memory of how much it ached. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, whimpering to herself piteously.

�Oh, Heaven help me. It was silver. It was silver, and I wanted it to be silver. He wasn�t himself. He was smiling and sweet. He was so soft. I had been praying and praying that I would see you again and when I looked up, I saw you. But it wasn�t you. Oh, Jesus Christ.� Alex crossed herself, a nonsensical action, one that held no emotional substance for her. She did it because she didn�t know what else to do. It seemed her soul was stained and she was desperate to do what she could to absolve herself, even a little.

�He said he would grant my deepest desires. He never sent Isaac away, even after he stripped and... laid on me. Isaac wasn�t Isaac anymore. It was...oh God.� Alex held her head, unable to even look at Abel anymore, letting her hair curtain and hide her evident shame and growing distress. �It was Hugue.� The tortured whisper that escaped her lips tumbled out like a blasphemous outburst in Sunday school.

�What?� Abel felt his heart stop for a moment, realizing what Cain had referred to when he mentioned Alex�s deepest desires.

�Oh God. It was Hugue! Isaac did something to my mind. Every time I tried to say no the room would spin like a carnival ride. I think I may have blacked out momentarily at some points. The two of them tag teamed me, wearing your faces the entire time. They... drank from me while they... climaxed.�

You climaxed too.

�It was... so... disgusting.�

No, it wasn�t. You enjoyed it.

Alex�s mind would not be silenced, forcing the truth to the foreground. She desperately hoped Abel was too distracted by her monologue to hear her thoughts. He never seemed to pick up on them like Isaac or Cain and she wondered if he could even hear them.

�They insisted on bathing me and Cain sent Isaac away. He made me sleep curled up against him that night, and he swore he would take me as his Queen. He promised me everything under the sun, save my freedom.�

You begged him to come back to you, you gladly took on the position of Queen.

�I didn�t know what to do. I just prayed. But nobody was listening that whole time! I was fucking alone and I couldn�t do anything to stop him!� The desperation grew in her voice.

You didn�t have to enjoy it.

�He came back, every night. Every night he took me. Over and over again. Sometimes it was rough, it almost hurt. Some nights he was gentle and calm. He told me he loved me, but I didn�t believe him.�

Yes, you did. You hoped against hope he was telling the truth.

�Isaac tried to take me while Cain was gone, battling you. He nearly broke my mind trying to overpower me. I told him no. I managed to get a hold of my daggers and I stabbed him twice. It had no effect. He got off on it. The next thing I know, I�m falling through this fog, falling into different sex scenes with different guys.�

Tres and Leon, don�t lie. It was never just some guy, it was always who you wanted but couldn�t have.

�It was a like being trapped in a terrible movie. I couldn�t get away from anything, I couldn�t remember anything. I started to forget who I was. Then Cain returned and Isaac dropped me out of his illusion. It was like being dropped from a skyscraper. Cain was furious, injured. He drank from Isaac to heal himself. He was so very angry. I thought he was going to kill Isaac. He didn�t though. He let me punish him. In front of the entire coven, no less. I whipped him, I cut his hair, I burned him with acid. I tortured him and I enjoyed it. I wasn�t myself anymore. I burned my initial into his groin and that was that. I never saw Isaac again while I was there, but Cain wouldn�t release me. He said I was going to make an excellent Queen. I thought I would never get out.�

You hoped you wouldn�t have to leave, that you could somehow have them both.

Alex�s tears had dried as she retraced her steps through her anger, but none of Abel�s anguish had dissipated. He was in agony over knowing that she�d been taken by not only Cain, but Isaac as well. He was shocked that she�d confessed to enjoying torturing Isaac, but could understand it given the circumstance. He was aching over her own torture, the brutal way that Cain fucked with her mind, just like he�d fucked with everyone else�s. Before Alex could react, Abel reached out and pulled her close to embrace her.

�Alexandra, I�m so sorry--�

Alex gasped, having been unprepared for Abel�s sudden touch. Abel gasped as a flood of images rushed at his mind like an errant freight train. He saw a low lit bedroom in reds and blacks, stone walls, Cain, Alexandra and the two of them in the throws of ecstacy. He revolted, body and mind, as image after image of the two of them tangled together raced through his thoughts. He knew instantly that they were coming from Alexandra. He could feel her bliss, he could feel her lust, and he knew in that moment that she�d not told him the entire truth. He pushed her away roughly, desperate to dam the flood coming from her.

�You... Enjoyed it?� Abel was gasping, his face blanched horribly. �How could you find comfort, bliss, in that monster�s touch?�

Alexandra was dumbstruck. The worst case scenario had been dropped in her lap and it had happened in the blink of an eye. How could she possibly work her way out of this? Her own inner monologue taunted her, sing-songing that she deserved what was transpiring.

�No, Abel, it wasn�t like that.�

�That�s not what I felt from you, Alexandra! When your mind it that damn open, it�s not just images and words that are passed. You passed your raw emotions into my mind and I know what you felt, what you thought. You... shared affection for him? After he raped you? After he imprisoned you? Do you have any idea what Cain is capable of?� Abel stood and Alexandra stood too, panic rising, choking her.

�I... I.... had been there so long without hope. I didn�t know what to do other than to make the best of what I had.�

�The best of what you had? You would have been his Queen? You know his Orden regularly attacks and kills men and women of the Vatican, don�t you? He orchestrates the destruction of entire towns simply for his own twisted amusement.�

�He was never... He was so tender... He was so much like you, Abel.�

Abel stared at her for a moment, a wild expression painting his usually tranquil features. He gaped at her as if she�d just delivered a fatal blow. Perhaps, in many ways, she had.

�How dare you compare us. How dare you say such an unforgivable thing to me!� Alex gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. The implication of his words were not lost and she felt the bottom of the world fall away from her. She felt as though she were dying, her soul leaving her body. For a few tense moments they were silent as a graveyard and as Alex finally returned to herself, her body remembered how to breathe. The breath that slammed into her lungs burned and ached and her heart quite literally felt like it was breaking, dying. Her eyes misted and Abel�s face hardened into an angry mask, a revolted mask.

�Abel, please. How can I forgive myself if you can�t forgive me? I prayed every night to be returned to you. I had to survive, and bending to his will was the only way to survive.�

Abel stared at her, his face growing more and more disgusted. She shuddered under his gaze and looked around her for the exit. She felt as though she were being slowly suffocated, crushed under the weight of her own guilt and self-loathing. She knew it had been a mistake, knew that she could never keep the truth from him forever. She realized in that moment that Cain�s plan had come to fruition: in gaining her affections, he had permanently stained her in Abel�s eyes. He could never love her again.

Alex gripped the sides of her head as if she thought it would split in two, a terrible, an agonized scream wrenching from her lips. She rattled the windows and the paintings on the wall with the ferocity of her scream and still, Abel remained silent. His gaze never left her and as she took one last pleading look at him, she realized that she�d lost one of the few people that had ever meant anything to her, the one person that meant more to her than life itself. She was doomed to an eternity without him. Cain�s plan had really been quite ingenious.

Alex turned and fled the room, her wings flashing brightly for a moment before leaving the heavy door in splinters on the stones of the hallway. Abel was still wrestling with his own thoughts, Alex�s thoughts still racing through his mind, stuck on an endless loop. His ears pricked, picking up the sound of a violent rainstorm outside.

Please don't hate me X(
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Faith