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Blind Fury	By : HollowedRose Category: > Durarara!! (?????!! Dyurarara!!) Views: 6534 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!! and its characters. They belong to Ryohgo Narita. I'm not making any profit from this.

Chapter List
- 38
- 39
- 40
Chapter 39 - Solemn Reflections
Izaya waited for a while longer to make sure Shizuo was gone before he numbly walked out of the warehouse and headed for a more populated area. He still couldn't believe that he had broken down in front of Shizuo, the only person in the world to whom he never wanted to show such weakness; all because of a kiss and some groping. A shiver ran down his spine. "A kiss too much," he thought, frightened, and then pocketed the switchblades he forgot were even in his hands. Not even Shinra had seen such a shameful display, and Shinra had seen a lot. Izaya had worked hard to show Shizuo that he was strong, and yet it all came crashing down in an instant because of something as stupid as pretending they were together. Just the thought of them being together almost made him wretch, and he wondered how did the beast have the audacity to even dream such a thing. Was that Shizuo's coping mechanism? To pretend that Izaya had wanted it? A hand flew to his mouth and he had to stop walking, a wave of nausea hitting him so hard that his legs started to tremble and he was having a hard time standing. He ended up in a squatting position again, holding onto his knees while struggling to breathe. He stayed like that for a few minutes, trying to gather his wits.
By the time he was able to stand again, he felt more tired than he'd felt in a long time, and he wanted nothing more than to get home and lay in his bed. He immediately headed for the nearest train station, completely ignoring a Kuronuma Aoba who once again tried to talk to him when they ran into each other. He was too broken to even try to pretend that he wasn't. Besides, Ran's little brother wasn't someone he had to worry about. Whether or not the kid could tell that he was close to breaking into sobbing, it did not matter. He found it strange that Aoba's hand was bandaged, but he didn't really dwell on it. If Aoba ever got in his way, he'd crush him. It was as simple as that. At least the other was walking out of the train station instead of heading in, so Izaya didn't have to worry about having to ride the train with him.
He soon stopped paying attention to his surroundings, his mind too exhausted to care about what was going on. He went through the motions mechanically: stepping into the train, sitting down, then getting out and walking all the way to his apartment before finally flopping on his bed without even changing his clothes. He just lay there motionless, with eyes wide and unseeing until he finally fell asleep.
He couldn't remember what he'd dreamed about when he woke up a few hours later, but he was sure that it hadn't been pleasant enough to justify the hard-on jutting from between his legs. He hated it. He hated it so much that he couldn't help but pathetically whimper at the knowledge that he'd have to take care of it when the damn thing still didn't go down a few minutes later. It was as though the universe was trying its best to make his life more miserable than it already was. He didn't want to think about anything related to sex, and yet his body was still betraying him once in a while, forcing him to literally take matters into his own hands. He'd tried cold showers before, but they didn't always work, and he doubted he even had to energy to get up, let alone wash. He slowly crawled to the edge of the bed and let his feet touch the floor before he unbuckled his belt, lowered the zipper and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to fight off the nausea. He pulled out his member with trembling fingers, and it took all of his energy just to move his hand up and down the shaft, at the same time fighting the horrific memories of that night. He kept telling himself that he was safe, that the memory of Shizuo's fingers in his hair while violently thrusting into him was just that, a memory, and yet the tears still streamed down his face. He came with a strangled cry a few minutes later, immediately breaking into sobbing and curling into a ball on his too large bed. What used to be a pleasant activity ended up being a nightmare because of Shizuo. Izaya loathed the pleasure that came with it, because he couldn't help but think that it was exactly what Shizuo must've felt while violating him. The beast had felt nothing but pleasure, while Izaya himself had been writhing in agony beneath and around him. He despised Ikebukuro's beast for doing this to him, for not only crushing his body with his strength, but also his mind.
He just lay there for a long time, curled into a small ball while sobbing, his head pounding much worse than before, like he hadn’t slept at all. A detached part of his mind was sneering at him in disgust, ordering him to get up, to shower and to get a grip because he couldn't stand the pathetic sight any longer. Orihara Izaya was supposed to be much more than a human, and as such, he wasn't allowed to behave like one. Besides, sobbing never solved anything. He was alone, crying in the dark, while Shizuo was probably sleeping peacefully in his bed. He felt his anger simmer, and then boil after a while, and the more he thought about the beast, the more furious he got, the hot rage seeping through his veins forcing him to push himself off the bed and head straight to the shower, the rage he felt giving him the strength he needed. He would never allow Ikebukuro's beast to win. He'd been too soft on him lately, and it was about time to show him just how cruel Orihara Izaya could be. After his failed attempt at revenge, he'd been slacking, feeling too affected by the way his plan had backfired to be able to think clearly. His fights with Shinra and the random encounters with the best had also thrown him off, leaving him unable to think clearly. That had to stop. He would no longer allow himself to be distracted by such trivial matters. He would slowly and systematically destroy Heiwajima Shizuo, until the beast would beg to be put out of its misery; until Ikebukuro's monster would drop to his knees and thank him for finally thrusting a switchblade into his heart. And he would start by hitting him where it hurt the most: his little brother Kasuka.
Izaya could've utterly destroyed Shizuo back when he'd taken the monster's brother to that house, but he never would've guessed that he'd be affected by what was supposed to happen. He now understood that his mistake had been to go there instead of letting Slon do his job somewhere away from him. He'd miscalculated, and as such, his perfect revenge plan had gone down the drain. Izaya knew that Shizuo couldn't stop him from finishing what he'd started back then if he really wanted to get it done, but he sneered at the idea of being so predictable, not to mention that he did not like the idea of Kasuka getting raped on his command, no matter how much he hated the Heiwajima brothers. He was certain that he could never do that to anyone. Luckily, he had something else in mind, and he assumed that it would probably be one of the few games he'd play with Ikebukuro's beast before finally dispatching him beyond the veil.
First however, he had a few things he wanted the monster to understand, and the fact that Shizuo would end up an outlet for his anger that very night was a nice bonus. He got out of the shower, got dressed and went out the door, his thoughts filled with ideas of how he would take it out on Ikebukuro's beast. The anger he felt consumed him with its intensity, and it was the only thing that helped him move when his weary body wanted nothing more than to go back to bed and consequently to sleep. He ignored the underlying fear and focused on his rage, for once thinking that it not might be so bad to just explode once in a while. He always hid his feelings behind a mask when he dealt with people, but after showing Shizuo what lay beyond it, he no longer cared to conceal his fury.
He almost ran into the van gang on his way to Shizuo's apartment, but he succeeded in avoiding them at the last minute. He actually breathed in relief once he went around the corner, running into Karisawa being the last thing he needed at that moment. With his anger boiling, he really couldn't guarantee the fujoshi's safety if she were to come anywhere near him. Her stupid words had caused that panic attack and almost got him killed, and he made a mental note to find a way to make her pay for saying that he and Shizuo were sleeping together. He sneered loudly, his nostrils flaring. He would never in a million years be the monster's bitch by his own volition.
Inside the pockets of his jacket, his hands shook, but he told himself that it was because of his anger, and not because he was afraid of confronting the monster of his nightmares. Shizuo would most likely be asleep, and that suited him just fine. The man would let his guard down when he saw him, and that would make it easier for Izaya to overpower him. He threw a disgusted look at the elevator and went up the stairs instead, taking out the switchblade in his left hand as he did so. Once in front of the apartment, he flicked it open and took a few deep breaths while trying to find the courage to knock on the door. He highly doubted that Shizuo would dare kill him in his own home, or kill him at all, but he still had to be careful. Shizuo had proven capable of committing atrocities, and Izaya had no intention of letting Ikebukuro's beast fuck him again.
He raised a hand and rang the doorbell, expecting the man to take a while to answer, but not even a few seconds later, Shizuo was opening the door, the surprised expression on his face telling Izaya that he was probably the last person he ever expected to see at that late hour. He didn't waste any time, and before Shizuo could even open his mouth, he punched him square in the face, Shizuo staggering backwards from the force of the blow. He was certain that it hurt him more than it hurt Shizuo, but he didn't really care. Ignoring the pain, he wrapped a hand around Shizuo's throat, slammed him into the wall and pressed the switchblade against the tanned neck. Izaya felt adrenaline rush through his body, and it thrilled him to know that all it took to end Shizuo once and for all would be to slit the man's throat. "This is for today," he hissed, his voice laced with disgust.
"No, you can't blame me for this one!" Shizuo snarled and tried to push himself away from the wall, only to get slammed back into it again. "You are the one who kissed me, not the other way around."
Izaya chuckled darkly, as though he was expecting Ikebukuro's beast to say that. "I was talking about you getting caught, not about the kiss. How could a monster like you get kidnapped to begin with?"
Sighing softly, Shizuo closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them and gazing deeply into rust-like orbs. "They used drugs on me. They injected me with something, so I couldn't fight them off."
"Mhmm, makes sense," Izaya mused as he nodded.
"You shouldn't have kissed me," Shizuo added in a tired voice.
"Of course I had to," Izaya immediately answered, a look of disgust crossing his face at the memory. "You still don't get it, do you, Shizu-chan?"
Of course he didn't get it, because Shizuo had never understood Izaya, so he wasn't about to suddenly wake up one morning and know what the hell was going through the insect's messed up head. Izaya's expression turned dark, and Shizuo shivered at the sight.
"I would've blown you if that was what it took to keep our secret," Izaya declared, and he ended up chuckling when Shizuo gasped and his expression morphed into one of pure horror and incredulity. Perhaps the beast was not as interested in screwing him again as Izaya had thought. "Shizu-chan," he spoke sweetly ― and he assumed that he must've had a blood-thirsty expression on his face, because he could almost see the fear in the monster's eyes ― "you can't just walk out on me like that when we were having a most fascinating conversation. What was that about you and I being together?"
"You're insane," Shizuo uttered in disbelief once he found his voice again. He concluded that Izaya was truly mad to even consider going to such lengths if it meant he'd keep his pride. "I wouldn't have let you," he added softly in a low, sad voice.
"Oh, I see. Does Shizu-chan not like it when people do things to his body against his will? Sounds a bit hypocritical, don't you think?" Izaya snorted and placed his thumb against Shizuo's jaw, forcing the beast to look at him. "Doesn't it?" It was beautiful to see the usually angry expression turned into one of agony, and he understood right then that he would never be able to experience such feelings. Guilt wasn't something he usually felt, and when he did feel regret, it was just something small and insignificant in the back of his mind. Shizuo on the other hand was being torn to pieces by it, and Izaya had to admit that he was absolutely enjoying it. Had he killed him sooner, he wouldn't have been able to witness such a tormented expression. "Tell me... or did you perhaps enjoy our kiss, hmm?" When Shizuo turned his head away again, Izaya knew that the monster had, and even though it enraged him, he still put on an amused smirk. "Once a beast, always a beast. Do you want to fuck me too, hmm? Do you want to drag me to your bedroom and fuck me just like you did last time?" He could almost feel the tremors threatening to reappear, and he fought to stay calm, refusing to show any sort of weakness to his enemy.
"I couldn't enjoy it... bad memories were haunting me," Shizuo confessed and closed his eyes to avoid seeing Izaya's angry face.
Izaya sneered and pulled the beast towards him before slamming him into the wall again, certain that Shizuo would not dare to fight back as long as that switchblade was pressed against his throat. "And yet you dream of us being together... of you fucking me. You dream about that, don't you, beast?"
Shizuo shook his head as much as he could with Izaya chocking him and the weapon digging into his neck. He knew that it had been a stupid idea to even mention the dream, but he always spoke without thinking, and now he couldn't just pretend that it never happened. "I never said the two of us were together," he corrected Izaya while trying to not cringe under the man's hateful glare. "I was talking about another you and another me. If I would really want to... fuck you, I'd at least dream about you, no? Not about some homicidal Izaya who was just as surprised about the whole thing as I was." To his bewilderment, instead of snapping, Izaya seemed to be giving the whole thing some thought.
"Homicidal?" Izaya finally asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Don't tell me you expected anything else from another you," Shizuo mumbled.
Izaya chortled as he removed the switchblade from Shizuo's throat and backed away, his anger having gone down to a constant simmer instead of boiling hot as it had been mere minutes before. He waited for a few moments to see if the beast would attack, and when Shizuo didn't, Izaya advanced further into the living room so that he could inspect the man's small apartment. "Tell me more," he requested while briefly glowering with disgust at what appeared to be the remainder of a chocolate cake on a cheap plate forgotten on the coffee table placed in front of the couch. There was also an open carton of milk, as well as a pack of cigarettes, and Izaya shook his head with distaste and pocketed the switchblade. He stepped into the kitchen and flicked on the light, curious to see how Ikebukuro's beast lived. The apartment was small, and it felt almost suffocating for someone like him who was used to a lot of space, but he guessed that it suited a monster just fine. His eyes fell on the two apples placed in a bowl on the counter and he grabbed one and washed it before going back to the living-room and turning towards the small hallway leading to the bedroom. No matter how much he wanted to convince Shizuo that he didn't fear him, he didn't dare go inside; the beast's bedroom was on a whole new level of terrifying. "Well?" he asked and looked over his shoulder to encourage a wide-eyed Shizuo to continue. A small shiver ran down Izaya's spine when he turned his attention back to the hallway leading to the bedroom, and he didn't understand why he was so terrified of a room he'd never set foot into before. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he turned around, walked to the couch and flopped on it, raising his feet and placing them on the coffee table. Shizuo let out a small sound of disbelief, and Izaya gave him a smirk before he bit into the apple and noisily chewed on it.
Knowing that it would be a bad idea to tell him everything, Shizuo sighed loudly and decided to leave out some of the things he found out about the other Izaya from his dream. It wouldn't do any good to upset the one sitting on his couch and eating his apple. "Can I sit down?" he asked softly and scrubbed a hand over his face before running it through his hair.
Izaya shrugged. "It's your couch," he answered flatly, but Shizuo didn't miss the way in which the man tensed when he heard the question. He awkwardly sat down at the other end of it, and he couldn't help but feel as though he was the one imposing on Izaya somehow, which was ridiculous when he really thought about it. It truly was strange how Izaya could make him feel like that inside his own home. "The dream felt just as real as me and you sitting here. You took me by surprise back there by the way."
Izaya slanted a curious gaze towards him. "Why?"
"Your murderous glare... he was smiling when I opened the door."
Izaya chuckled darkly and bit another chunk off the apple. "Interesting... go on," he bubbled while chewing and changing the channels on the television.
"There isn't much to say. He thought I was someone else, and when he figured out that I wasn't, all hell broke loose. That's what happened," he mumbled and then shrugged. He heard a snicker and he turned to Izaya, that ever present annoying smirk back in place.
"You're such a bad liar," Izaya announced with a roll of his eyes." You forgot the part where you undoubtedly pulled down his pants by force." As expected, Shizuo had done just that, and Izaya could read the guilt in his expression and sagged shoulders.
"Had to check that he wasn't you," Shizuo mumbled guiltily.
"Perfectly understandable, Shizu-chan. That was a messed up dream you had there. Another me and another you together, huh? Well, if the hypothesis about the multiverse is right, then whatever happened to you actually took place somewhere," Izaya mused, his eyes fixed on what was left of the apple in his hand. "Oh right, Shizu-chan is too stupid to know what I'm talking about," he crackled before continuing. "There are several hypothesis about the reality we live in." His eyes drifted to Shizuo and he smiled innocently. "It's not easy to explain such a complex concept to a protozoan, but I'll try my best. I'll have to dumb it down a lot, so pay attention, ne?" Shizuo growled in response, but Izaya ignored him and went on.
"One of them is the concept of Parallel Universes. If there is an infinite number of realities, then the chances are there are also an infinite versions of you and me. Perhaps there's a Heiwajima Shizuo somewhere out there who's not a disgusting enough pig to drag me into an alley and almost fuck me to death." Shizuo flinched and lowered his head. Izaya immediately felt like sneering, but he controlled himself. "Another one is the concept of Daughter Universes. According to this, all possible outcomes of a situation do occur — in their own separate universes. For example, when Shizu-chan asked me to apologize and told me he'd let me walk away if I did, the present universe gave rise to two daughter universes: one in which I apologized and walked away, and one in which I didn't, and we both know how that ended. Well, that's debatable. I cannot be one hundred percent sure that you would've let me walk away even if I had apologized."
"I would've..." Shizuo answered brokenly.
An uncomfortable silence stretched between them for a while, until Izaya finally took one last bite from the apple and carelessly threw what was left of it towards the ashtray, completely missing it, the thing sliding across the surface of the coffee table before finally falling on the carpet. He barely suppressed a malicious laugh when he saw Shizuo's eyebrow twitch in irritation, and he felt no remorse when the man rose to his feet, picked it up, and went into the kitchen to throw it into the trashcan before finally coming back and sitting down on the couch.
"What are the other theories?" Shizuo asked while trying to hide the annoyance he felt after the apple stunt.
"They are not theories, Shizu-chan, they are merely hypotheses," Izaya corrected him. "Hypotheses are speculative guesses that have yet to be tested, while theories are well-established principles developed to explain some aspects of the natural world. Anyway, there are a few more hypotheses, but I don't want your already overheated single neuron to get fried, so I won't continue. Those two are enough," Izaya reasoned. Against expectations, Shizuo didn't protest and instead turned towards him with an expression that Izaya couldn't quite place.
"Do you really think there's an universe out there where things are still the way they used to be?"
Izaya's mind went back to a time when he was still himself and Shizuo was nothing more than a dumb brute with inhuman strength. He smiled, wishing there was a way to go back to that, but there wasn't, and his smile fell and he couldn't help but grief the loss of what they used to have. "I hope there is," he finally answered. "I'd hate to believe that I got caught by you an infinite number of times." Silence descended upon the small living-room once again, until Izaya turned up the volume on the TV and focused his attention on whatever movie was on. "Shizu-chan," he spoke softly and rose one finger, "one night."
"Huh?" Shizuo asked dumbly.
"Let's do a one night truce," Izaya suggested without even looking at Shizuo. "Even in war, opposing armies take such measures once in a while in order to recover their fallen comrades' rotting corpses littering the battlefield."
For a few seconds, Shizuo couldn't breathe, the sound of Izaya's calm and honest voice taking him by surprise. One night of no fighting sounded almost too good to be true, but he clung to Izaya's words as though his life depended on it. He tried to answer, but he couldn't, so instead he gave a grunt of assent and turned his head towards the TV.
Izaya lowered his hand and made himself comfortable. He was so tired that he couldn't even get up, and his mind was simply too exhausted for him to fight any longer. A break sounded nice.
"Was it the kiss?" Shizuo asked a few minutes later.
"It was your wandering hand, Shizu-chan," Izaya answered with a long sigh.
"I'm sorry... I just wanted it to end faster."
"Shut up," Izaya ordered. "I don't need your apologies." I just need a break.
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Blind Fury