Dangerous Territory | By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Attack on Titan /Shingeki No Kyojin Views: 4227 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own “Shingeki no Kyojin” and do not make money from this fanfic. |
Chapter 39
Monster in the Closet
Crouching in the wardrobe, Levi tried to be as quiet as possible, barely even breathing. Bath water dripped down his skin, but he did not dare move even to wipe it away. His heart was racing so hard, it was all he heard in his ears after the two Germans left. For many minutes afterward, he remained perfectly motionless, listening, waiting.
That had been so, so stupid.
After about ten minutes, he was convinced the two were gone, and Levi finally sighed in relief. Of all the close calls in his life, that was the dumbest. He could hardly wait to get back into his clothes and rest in the attic. Maybe it was not the safest place, but it was a hell of a lot better than a German officer's bedroom.
He pushed on the wardrobe door, but it did not swing out. He pushed a little harder, but still it was stuck. He felt around for a handle or latch, but he was on the inside. He gave it a harder shove, putting his shoulder into it, but the wood was thick and sturdy.
The truth dawned on him. He was locked in!
"Tu te fous de moi?" Are you kidding me?
He felt all around the wardrobe in the dark for some way to unlock the door, but there was nothing. Getting stuffy in the narrow space, with only a crack between the doors to let in fresh air, Levi gave in to the reality.
He just had to wait for Eren to come back.
He could not fully stand up, so he slid down to the bottom, pushing aside some spare boots, and tried to get as comfortable as possible in the narrow space. He would have liked at least his clothing. Sitting in the dark, naked and wet, was not the best situation. He was cold, and although the wardrobe was already getting stuffy, he was frigid.
Levi felt around the clothes hanging in the wardrobe. There was not much, just more uniforms plus some spare undershirts and briefs. Levi used one of Eren's shirts to dry off, getting the sudsy water off his limbs and body before the soap scum began to itch, and rubbing it through his hair until it was dry. Then he threw the rumpled, damp shirt into the corner so he could wash it properly later.
Rolling his eyes, Levi went ahead and began to dress in what was available. He was not about to use Eren's underwear, but he only pulled on trousers. They were massive and began to fall off his hips as soon as they were up, but it was not like he could stand in the wardrobe anyway. At least they would keep his butt covered and his legs warmer. He tugged on a clean undershirt and pulled a wool tunic off the hanger, yanking it around his shoulders for warmth. He sneered at the swastika on the uniform, but it was what he had to work with.
He also pulled an officer's winter coat off the hanger, rolled up another undershirt as a pillow, and settled down into the bottom of the wardrobe, wedged between spare boots, uncomfortable but determined to put up with it.
He decided to do what he did on spying missions. When he had to wait, he had learned how to get what sleep he could in basically any situation. Even a ten-minute nap while hiding in an air vent waiting for the target to arrive cleared the mind. So, wrapped up in the coat, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
In the darkness of the wardrobe, he had no idea how long he napped. Maybe minutes, maybe an hour. He woke up at the sound of the wind blasting against the window, whistling around the shutters, and the incessant drops of rain. The storm outside was picking up. He hoped Eren was safe out there.
He stared forward in the darkness, mad at himself for getting into this situation, especially as his bladder twinged. He regretted having that wine. Levi had learned how to hold his bladder for hours, if need be, but it was yet another thing to make him miserable. To escape that discomfort, he curled up a little tighter and forced himself back into sleep.
He somehow managed to drift off again, only to wake up from the sound of a door slamming. That made him jolt and instinctively reach for a knife that was not there. He listened, hoping that maybe it was Eren back home, only to realize there was just as much of a chance that this was a maid coming in. Or what if it was a random search by the Gestapo? What if they opened the wardrobe?
He listened closely, but he heard no footsteps. Then the same door banged, and this time, fully awake now, Levi realized it was the room next door. Then he heard two men shouting.
"Warum knallst du die Tür zu, Arschloch?" Why are you slamming the door, asshole?
"Wer bist du, meine Mutter?" What are you, my mother?
Levi let out a sigh. Just those German officers.
He felt drowsy still, and he guessed it was the stale air. He felt too hot, so he pulled off the coat and used that as a better pillow. He settled down again, desperately trying to ignore the building pressure in his bladder. The storm outside was not helping with its incessant sound of water. Levi began to tap his foot.
Just how long was Eren going to be?
As more sleep eluded him, he felt around the door again, grimacing and hoping that maybe he missed something. He felt all around, but there really was no way to open the door from the inside. He searched around the wardrobe, found a leather belt, and tried to slip it between the space that separated the doors, hoping that maybe he could lift the latch, but the leather was too thick. He was not sure if it was a latch lock anyway, and squatting there was not helping his bladder.
He seriously had to pee, and there was no way out of this space.
Maybe he could take the entire door off. That could be suspicious, but it was better than wetting himself. He felt around, but as he paused he realized the doors opened outward, so the hing would be on the outside. Dammit. That meant he could kick the doors open, but these were thick oak doors. If there was a German around who would yell about slamming doors, kicking a door would definitely be something they could hear. That was far too dangerous.
He tried to peek through the crack between the two doors, hoping to get a sense of the time. It looked like it was late afternoon, but it was hard to tell. He was hungry, but he could ignore that. He tapped his foot a bit more and shifted around, trying to take pressure off his bladder.
He just had to hold it. If he released and urine dribbled out onto the bedroom floor, then if Reiner returned with Eren and saw a yellow puddle, he would be discovered. Besides, Levi had no desire to sit in a closet that reeked of piss.
He curled into a corner and shifted his mind far away from closets and rain and gusty wind and sloshing wine in his belly. Still, his ankle jostled, and his legs twisted together as his bladder grew hot with desperate need.
"Merde!" he growled. If Eren did not come soon…
* * *
Not far from the hotel, Eren was in a beer hall. They had sent word to both Reiner's SS platoon and Eren's infantry platoon. The men had come to like Reiner and kept plying him with beers, begging him to sing.
Eren had to admit, he already drank way too much, and he had joined in with many songs. He was missing Armin, though. When he called for the platoon, Armin had been out, and no one knew where. He hoped he got the message.
It was getting close to dinnertime when he finally saw Armin timidly step into the boisterous beer hall. A shout went up for him, and Eren stood, waving him forward.
"Armin, Armin. You gotta hear this story Reiner has about … what were they called again?"
Reiner shouted over, "Ah, they call themselves the Free India Legion. You would find them fascinating."
"They wear turbans!" Eren cried out. "Can you imagine, dark men wearing turbans fighting alongside Germans. Reiner said they're massive, like giants!"
"I'd love to hear all about them," Armin said. "First, Eren, I need to talk to you. It's about … you-know-who."
He did not know who at first, and the crowd burst into a new song. Eren began to join in, but Armin yanked on his shoulder, tugging him down low enough to whisper.
"Levi."
His eyes widened. "Is he okay?" he asked right away. He had left Levi in the closet, so he assumed he got up into the attic already.
"I was looking at maps. I may have something."
Eren finished off his beer and laid some coins down. Then he pulled Armin out of the beer hall. The sun had set, street lamps were lit, and the storm raged overhead. Eren considered going back to his room so they could talk privately, but those stairs were horrible. Instead, he pulled him into an alley, away from the street lights, and under a tiny tent left out from some vendor's fruit stand. Armin used a barrel to set the map down and pulled out his torch to shine a light on it.
"I know you mentioned that perhaps he could follow the Moselle."
"Yes, the river didn't look that defended."
"In Metz proper, maybe, but just outside, that's where all the action is." Armin pointed on the map, and Eren leaned in to see. "It goes north to Diedenhofen. Yesterday, the Allies took over it. They're setting up a major base there."
"Wouldn't that be better for him? The Americans would not bother a Jew."
"Only if he can reach it. Our people are patrolling all along the river, and tensions are high. They may shoot someone wandering around, especially if they find out he's a Jew. It's best to avoid anything along the Moselle."
"What about the south?"
"The Allies attacked Nanzig a week ago. Our troops are retreating to Metz, but there's still fighting going on. We're not going to hold the city for much longer."
Eren looked at the map. "Wait, so they took Diedenhofen to the north," he said, pointing to the map, "and they're aiming for Nanzig to the south. Dammit!" Eren sneered, seething in rage at the map and the story of warfare it told.
"It's a pincer maneuver," Armin confirmed. "It's what I figured their general would do. They did it in western France, cut our troops off completely, no chance to retreat, only surrender or death."
Eren rubbed his face, pushing past the beer fumes in his head and focusing on the map. "Where are the Americans' main forces?"
"XX Corp to the north, XII Corps to the south, and General Patton is directly to the west with the main Third Army."
"Blocked on three sides, which means…"
"He needs to escape to the east," Armin whispered.
"Toward Germany?"
"It's the best way to get out of the area. Once he's out of the city, he should head north and stay off main roads. Use forest roads, cut through farms, and avoid any signs of armies. He needs to hurry. We're lucky the Americans ran out of gasoline, but they could start air-bombing the forts or even the city any day now."
They both fell silent as a man walked down the side street and past them, not paying two busy Germans any mind as he hurried home through the storm.
Armin continued quietly, "Civilians are still evacuating the city. He could possibly blend in."
"That's a hell of a risk."
"You said you might know someone."
Eren met Armin's eyes. Yes, there was Carly and her slip of paper with a possible lead, but Levi had torn that paper up. He claimed he memorized the address, but he might have just been saying that to appease Eren.
"I may have lost that contact," he muttered.
"He needs papers. He's French, he could possibly blend in, but … I checked the eastern gates today. They're all guarded, checking papers of anyone going in or out." Armin looked down both ways of the alley, but with the storm no one was out walking. He leaned in close to Eren and whispered, "If he can find the French Resistance, they could help him get fake paper."
Eren warily looked at Armin. "You could be shot for suggesting that."
"And we both could be shot for helping him, so what's the difference? I know it's not the safest plan, they're the enemy, but … well, you want to free him, and I want to make sure you stay safe. I can plot which way he should go, but I can't get him past the gate."
Eren nodded. They could only do so much to help Levi. Once he was out of the city, he was on his own. At the least, they could give him every chance to succeed on the road to the coast. "I know who can get me the information again. She might not trust me a second time, though. At the worst, he's resourceful…" Eren muttered, "…and they want to find him."
Armin wondered what he meant. Why would the French Resistance specifically want Levi? Who exactly was he?
Eren stared at the map, nebulous lines of troop movements, symbols that spoke of armies, entire divisions boiled down to lines of squares and triangles, and within it a thin ribbon of hope. He slammed his finger into the map.
"If he heads east to this point, then straight north, it's thirty-five kilometers to Kœnigsmacker. There are bridges crossing the Moselle there and at Malling. Once he crosses, he could head north to Luxembourg City." His finger slid up the map. "That's another thirty kilometers, and we know it's under Allied control now. From there, he can take a train to whatever port is still functioning." It would mean a lot of traveling, and not many places to take cover.
"That sounds like it could be a good route for him," Armin agreed. "Avoiding roads, all told, so long as he doesn't bump into an army, he could be on a train to the coast in a day or two."
"That would be nice," Eren said, looking sad and wistful.
Armin smiled sympathetically and folded up the map. "What are your plans after the war?"
Eren pulled out of his lonely thoughts and looked over in confusion.
"Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic," he said, laughing softly, "but I think it would be tragic, to find love in the middle of a war and then be separated. I always thought I was rather lucky, not having a girl back home worrying about me. Finding someone, falling in love, and then having to leave that person … or worse, your love has to flee for safety, and you don't know where they're going, or if they'll be safe, and they can't write to you to let you know they're okay … I think that's just so sad. I hope you two can find one another again after this is all over."
Eren dropped his gaze as heat flushed his cheeks. "We promised to meet again."
Armin burst into a smile. "Where? Paris?"
"No. He's heading to America. We plan to meet in New York."
He gasped. "That city is huge. They say it's bigger than Luxembourg. You need to narrow that down."
"He said to meet him in Brooklyn. I don't know where in New York that is, but I'll find it, and I'll find him. Somehow."
Armin patted his shoulder. "I know you will. You're a Jäger after all."
Eren laughed. Yes, a Hunter. He would hunt for Levi and find him, no matter where in the world he ended up.
"Do you want to go to him?" Armin whispered. "I could make an excuse for you."
"No. It's good to see Reiner again. Besides, if I leave, he might follow me back to my room … and he might find Levi."
"Why would Levi be in your room?" Armin gasped and his eyes lit up. "Are you sleeping together?" he asked in an excited whisper.
"No!" Eren snapped, instantly feeling his face turn red. "I mean, we've fallen asleep together, but … no!"
Armin laughed and slapped Eren on the back. "Fine, we'll celebrate so you can be sure to have a full night with your sweetheart."
"He's not my…" Eren slammed his protests off. He and Levi had decided they were together. He had even called him mein Lieber. Did that make them sweethearts?
Armin just laughed at Eren's flustered face and pulled him back toward the party. They heard someone strumming a guitar, and the drunk crowd inside began to sing and sway together.
Die Stühle liegen sehr eng.
Wir reden die ganze Nacht lang.
Dieser niedrige Raum ist nicht schlecht.
Wir können uns gut verstehen.
"Oh, I like this song!" Armin cried out, and he grabbed Eren's shoulder, yanking him into a run. "Let's hurry and go sing it with Reiner."
So ist es immer, unser Licht ist nur das.
Trinken und Singen wir begrüßen morgen.
So ist es immer, unterm riesigen Himmel.
Leben wir zusammen, die Nacht ist lang.
Da die Sterne nicht leuchten.
Kann der Mond auf diese Stadt nicht scheinen.
Schauten wir das Licht selbst an.
Singen wir unter dem Sternenmeer.
* * *
In the dark wardrobe, Levi was breathing hard, evenly, and labored. He really felt hot now, and his head throbbed. His throat was dry, his forehead sweaty, yet his limbs were frigid to the touch. All around his lips felt clammy, and the pressure in his bladder was agonizing.
"Putain," he cursed, aching with the dire need to pee.
He shifted around, but he was getting a sharp burning in his bladder. Not good! As minutes and hours crept by in cramped misery, Levi realized he was facing a very real danger.
He had been holding his bladder for over eight hours, and he was at his limit.
Stupid Eren! He was so carefree, not realizing his well-meaning actions put Levi in greater risk. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
He squeezed his legs together even tighter and bounced his ankle to take his mind off his swollen bladder. Knowing his bad luck, he would start to piss right as Eren arrived, and probably with some other German in tow.
Plus, where could he go? He considered pissing inside Eren's spare boot, but cleaning that up would be a serious pain. It could permanently ruin the shoe, and Eren would have a hell of a time explaining how his boot ended up soaked in piss.
Just a little longer. Just hold on a little more…
As more minutes passed, he tensed up, twisting his legs together, cursing, desperate to hold back, but it was just a matter of time now. A wave of heat hit him, and he gasped. His hand shot down, grabbing his crotch, fearing he would lose all control.
He breathed through it, and the wave passed. Still, he ached, and he thought maybe a drop slipped out. All of his strength was going into squeezing his legs together until his thighs shivered. If he pissed in the wardrobe, he might be discovered. He had to hold it.
Where the fuck was Eren?
Just a little longer.
"Putain."
As the burning got worse, he desperately planned what to do if he just could not hold it. The boot was a terrible idea, but there were plenty of clothes he could piss on. Not the tunic, that was too hard to clean, but between spare underwear and shirts, he could set up something to at least catch the urine. He reached up to pull down another shirt and a pair of trousers, but the movement shifted his swollen bladder.
"Oh fuck!"
A stronger wave of desperation hit him. His whole groin throbbed with built-up pressure. He rocked his body as he felt his bladder ready to explode, but he felt his hold slipping. He reached into the loose trousers and pressed right on the tip of his cock, trying to force it into obedience, yet a tiny drop of liquid squeezed out past his thumb. He realized it was already too late.
"Putain, non, non, non!"
Cursing, Levi yanked his trousers down, grabbed the undershirt he had rolled up as a pillow, and immediately wrapped it around his cock just as a spurt shot out. Shaking, trying to squeeze it back just a moment longer, he went to the corner of the wardrobe and set up the clothes that would hopefully soak up his mess. He took the shirt he had used to dry off earlier, but before he could reach for the clothes he just pulled down, piss shot out into the rolled shirt, and his hand grew wet.
He gasped and tried to hold back just a little more. He piled the clothes up and looked down at the gray shirt wrapped around his dripping penis, the fabric getting darker with wetness. He sneered. This was going to be so disgusting! Still, unable to hold his bladder back any longer, Levi closed his eyes and finally relaxed.
It was slow at first, sickened and still convinced his luck would fail him again. He tried to release the bare minimum, enough so the pressure would ease off and he could continue to hold it for at least another hour. However, a tiny release was not enough. If anything, it made his cock throb harder. He tried to ration out his releases so he would not utterly soak the shirt, but his bladder suddenly gave way in a gush.
"Merde!"
The relief was intense. His mouth dropped with a soft moan before he realized he needed to be silent. After a full day of holding it, the burning pain flowed away, pouring out with a feeling of overwhelming euphoria. If Eren returned right at that moment, Levi was not sure he would be able to clench it back anymore.
He could feel the shirt growing drenched, and the thought of urine all over his hands sickened him. Still, he had no choice but to hold it there, dripping and warm. The shirt below caught streams of piss, and he made sure it did not leak toward the wardrobe doors, lest a puddle form outside for anyone to see. Levi finally dropped the saturated shirt and grabbed the one he had pulled down, wrapping it around his cock to catch as much as possible as his bladder emptied out.
Trying to ignore the wetness, he rested his head against the wall of the wardrobe, humiliated, relieved, and weirdly enough, aroused. He chuckled silently.
He was pissing on a Nazi uniform!
Finally, it was all out, enough to completely soak three shirts in urine. Levi wrapped them up with the pair of trousers in hopes of minimizing the smell and tried to wipe his hands dry with a pair of boxers. It sickened him! He sank back in the opposite corner, glad at least that was over, and relieved no one walked in on him.
His body felt so light now, so warm, so…
He glanced down at the bulge in his trousers. How the hell was he aroused after all that? Then again, having been full for so long, it made sense in his addled brain that his cock wanted to keep feeling that throbbing pressure.
Maybe it was the lack of air, or boredom, or the memories of the bathtub. Levi softly touched his cock.
He had not done this since…
His mind swirled away from those times. He thought about the bath, Eren holding him, their bodies so close together. It had been so stupid, so immensely stupid! Yet in the moment, naked, skin on skin, all Levi cared about was the tingle in his body as Eren thrust up at him.
It still felt weird that he got aroused by a man, but in that moment Levi had not cared.
He tried to rationalize that maybe it was merely that he missed the feeling of arousal. He had not had a passionate moment in over two years. He had not even touched himself like this since before the war. What sexual experiences he did have had been forced, awful, painful, humiliating. With Eren, all of that shame melted away.
If all of one's sins could be forgiven in an act, then pleasuring Eren was his path to salvation.
He shook his head. These were all ridiculous, blasphemous, dangerous thoughts. Yet he pulled his cock out of the trousers to give it long, slow, drawling strokes, keeping that tingling feeling going. Just thinking about Eren's flushed face pushed away the evil darkness.
Levi stared numbly into the shadows, his brain in a fog, his body burning up, stroking his cock as he remembered Eren's hands on his ass, so respectfully hesitant at first, only to show his full aggressive passion. He knew there was so much more inside Eren, so much the young man wanted to experience, but he held back for Levi's sake.
Levi was glad for the show of respect, always asking for permission to kiss and touch, often waiting to let him be the first to initiate things. He needed that. After everything he went through, he needed someone who was so caring and gentle. He needed to know he was in control and could stop things if the nightmares surged up.
Still…
He kind of wanted Eren to do more.
Not that he was ready to touch back, but … he wanted their bodies to be close. He wanted to feel those hands on him. He had to admit, in that moment, with their bodies rutting together, he had seriously wanted to get Eren off.
He just wanted to know he could.
And he had wanted Eren to touch him more.
Levi reached up to his chest and pinched his nipple. He held back any noise, but his mouth hung open in silent breaths of pleasure. Some vague, sleepy part of his brain scolded him about what he was doing, but he groggily reasoned, Eren was still not back, he had been trapped in there all day, he had nothing better to do, plus his cock was already hard, so why not!
His memories drifted to last night and Eren kissing him all over, worshiping every inch of his body, the feel of his lips all across his skin, the warmth of his breath as Eren whispered words of adoration. He wanted that. He wanted to hear Eren praise his body in innocent wonder. If the young man was going to end up corrupted, he wanted to be the one to do that.
He wanted it to be him who made Eren lose control.
Eren was still inexperienced and eager to try everything. Levi knew he could teach him. While he only had negative experiences when it came to sex with a man, he knew plenty about kissing and pleasuring his partner. Eren was so eager and quick to learn. Why, just nine days ago, Eren had barely known how to kiss!
Nine days…
It felt like this entire summer had been a cautious courtship between them. Maybe, in a way, it was. That kiss in the dungeon had only been the start of a new path in their relationship. Already, they were groping one another in a bathtub.
Levi shook his head at how fast they had progressed. In a normal courtship … well, Levi had only courted Petra, but thinking back to those early days, it took the two of them a few months before she allowed him to touch her breasts, and then if he wanted that level of intimacy, she said she was saving it for marriage. She had been so coy and bashful.
Eren, on the other hand, was a grenade of passion ready to explode.
Worse, he left Levi wanting to be burned in the fire of that passion.
He stroked himself a little firmer while playing with his nipple.
"Putain qu'est ce que je fais?" What the fuck am I doing?
He was so dizzy, he didn't care.
It was pretty obvious that Eren wanted even more and would happily get Levi off. He would touch him and kiss him and worship him and only do what Levi wanted, eagerly and reverently.
But, was Levi ready?
Did he want Eren to touch him like this?
With Eren, he always felt like it was not enough. Whenever they stopped kissing and touching, he instinctively wanted more. More! Eren's smile, his blushing cheeks, his hands, his lips, his moans, his body grinding up against him with building fervor … he always wanted more.
That was dangerous, not just to his life in this dire situation he was in, but as a couple.
A couple…
"We're together."
"I'm not staying away, and I will never forget you."
"I will fight to protect you, mein Lieber."
"No wonder you've managed to hunt down and capture my heart."
Yes, Eren captured his heart, and while he struggled to accept it, there in the dark with a lack of air and his head swirling, he knew he was falling madly for him.
As horniness blended with the stale closet air, Levi's hand lazily stroked, keeping himself semi-hard but never enough to fully get off. The reek of urine made him dizzier, his body buzzed, and slowly his cock softened. Levi's hand flopped to the side. It was so hard to breathe.
He put his face close to the crack in the wardrobe door, siphoning any fresh air he could. Through that crack, the last of the daylight faded, and the inside of the wardrobe truly fell into pitch darkness.
Levi shifted the trousers back up. Touching himself while stuck in a closet! Seriously! All he could do was shake his head. He wrapped up in the jacket again, and with his face smashed up against the door to get some fresher air, he drifted between wakefulness and sleep. His mind floated along, wondering.
Would he let Eren touch him more?
Just how much did he want?
Why was he even thinking about this unless he really wanted it?
Why was he scared?
* * *
Eren did not return until late at night, and Jean had to carry him into the room. He dug through Eren's trousers to find his keys, opened the door, and dumped the inebriated lieutenant onto the bed.
"I swear, you and Reiner should never be allowed to do that again. You'll drink the entire division's ration of beer at this rate."
Eren began to sing.
"Mein Nam' ist Annemarie,
Ein jeder kennt mich schon.
Ich bin ja die Tochter
Vom Hitlerbattalion!"
.
My name is Anne Marie
Everyone already knows me
Yes, I am the daughter
From Hitler's battalion!
"Well, Anne-Marie, you'll be the daughter-of-all hangovers tomorrow morning. And did you piss yourself? Smells like urine."
"Vom Hitlerbattalion!" Eren whooped, rolling on the bed.
Jean sighed and shook his head. "I'm not even going to check. If you throw up, don't choke to death on it, okay?"
Eren sang more of the song. "Ich steh' allein auf dieser Welt." I stand alone in this world.
"Yes, you do, at least until you're sober. Goodnight, Jäger."
Jean left and closed the door. Eren kept humming the song as his head swayed on the fumes of many steins of beer.
"Hier riecht es echt nach Pisse." It really does smell like piss in here. He sniffed under his armpits. "Nein, das bin nicht ich." Nope, it isn't me.
A soft voice called out. "Eren?"
Eren shouted out drunkenly, "Sind Sie ein Pipimonster?" Are you a pee-pee monster?
"Eren, let me out."
"Werde ich nicht, Pipimonster!" I won't, pee-pee monster!
"Whatever the hell you're saying about a pee-pee monster, shut up and let me out of this damn wardrobe."
Eren swayed as he stood and took slow, lumbering steps to the wardrobe. "Kleiderschrank Monster?" Wardrobe monster? He opened the door and quickly turned his head away from the foul fumes. "Ja, es ist ein Pipimonster."
He tried to slam the door shut again, but Levi kicked it open.
"I have been locked in that damn wardrobe all day, you fucking sonuvabitch! The next time you decide to throw me into something, you damn well better make sure it isn't locked."
"Levi? Is that you?" He squinted through the moonlit darkness. "You were… eingesperrt? I locked you up? Du warst in den Schrank eingesperrt. Hast du deine Hose eingepisst?"
"What are you saying, dammit? English!"
"You were locked in the closet, and you pissed yourself?"
"I didn't piss myself. I couldn't hold it, so I wadded up some of your shirts and peed onto them so it wouldn't get all over the place. Now if you'll excuse me, I seriously need to take a shit."
"Geh' scheißen. Scheeeeeiße!" Go shit. Shiiiiit!
Levi shook his head in frustration. He already had a horrible day locked in that wardrobe, trapped with the smell of his own urine for hours. He was not up to dealing with a drunken German.
"I suppose you're too drunk to get me something to eat. Not like I haven't gone to bed hungry a hundred times before. Damn, you reek of beer."
"Levi!" Eren suddenly grabbed him. "Entschuldigung. I'm sorry. I locked you away. Ich wusste es nicht. I didn't know it was locked. I'm sorry." He nuzzled against his hair. "I'm so sorry."
Levi grumbled, "Damn, are you this sort of drunk?"
"Entschuuuuuldiguuuuung!" Sooooorry! Then Eren looked over Levi's entire body, particularly the Nazi uniform draped over him, far too large for such a small frame. "Why are you wearing my uniform?"
"I was naked when you threw me into that wardrobe, and it was cold."
"I'm so sorry," he wailed, and he crushed Levi into a hug.
The tiny man panicked. "Merde! Be quiet before you wake up the entire city."
"Entschuldigung! I'm a horrible boyfriend."
"No, you're— Wait, what?" Levi stared in shock. Did he just say…
"Ich bin schrecklich. I'm terrible. I'm so mean to you. Entschuldigung."
"Okay, okay, calm down." He grabbed Eren's cheeks. "You're not terrible, okay? You simply didn't know the door locked. I'm not mad."
"I made you piss yourself," he sobbed. "I turned you into a pipimonster."
"Stop that. I just peed in the corner and on top of your shirts. Sorry about that; I'll clean them tonight, and I'll try to get the smell out of the wardrobe. Now, get to bed."
"Not without you. I wanna sleep with you. Ich will dich." I want you.
"Eren, I have not taken a shit all day, and I'm probably constipated from holding it this long. Be a good boy and go to bed."
"Join me. When you're done, join me. Ich will dich."
"Fine, fine," he sighed, shoving Eren in the direction of the bed. "After I clean up."
"Begleite mich. Begleite mich, Levi."
"What the hell are you saying?" he whispered in exasperation.
"Sleep with me."
"Yes, fine, I'll join you in bed. Later!"
Just then, he heard footsteps coming toward the room. Levi ducked down and rolled under the bed just as someone knocked. Eren lumbered to the door and opened it, half falling out, only to have Holger hurriedly steady him.
"Jäger? Are you okay?" asked the lithe blond man.
Eren wailed, "I turned him into a pee-pee monster. I'm a bad boyfriend."
Holger slowly backed away. "You better tell the hotel staff to send a maid to change your sheets in the morning." With that, he hurried off before Eren vomited on him, or worse.
Eren closed the door and locked it. He leaned against the door, waiting for the floor to stop swaying around. Then he stumbled over to the bed and collapsed face-down.
Levi remained under the bed a while longer. After a minute, he heard snoring above him. He carefully crawled out and gazed down at the passed-out German.
"Oy ve!" he sighed. "Dammit, what am I going to do with a brat like you?"
Eren breathed heavily, and the smell coming from his mouth was like the bottom of a barrel. Still, Levi reached down and stroked his fingers through the pale brown hair.
"Are you seriously worried about being a bad boyfriend?" he whispered, looking down at the young man. "How do people like us be good boyfriends?" His hand paused on Eren's head, and his eyes narrowed. "How do I be a boyfriend to you when I barely know what I'm doing?"
He pulled his hand back and left for the bathroom, already itching from the dust. He seriously needed to clean under that bed if this crap was going to keep happening. He threw off the dusty uniform, washed any itchy skin before he broke out into a rash, and finally, with a groan, sat on the toilet for a much-needed relief.
After he was done, he dressed in his own clothes, rumpled and damp from being hidden under a wet towel all day. He washed the urine-soaked shirts in the sink, scrubbing them vigorously and hanging them up around the hotel room. He used the washcloth from their bath earlier to clean the corner of the wardrobe as well as he could, taking over an hour scrubbing out the damp spot before he could no longer smell the urine.
It was long past midnight before he leaned back and wiped his sweaty brow.
"That should do it."
Levi pulled the chair over to the attic hatch when he heard a moan from Eren.
"Levi?"
He walked back over to the bed and stroked the young man's brow.
"Coat. Pocket. Food."
Levi walked over to where Jean had draped Eren's tunic over the back of a chair. Tucked away in a pocket and wrapped in a handkerchief was a smashed biscuit and some bits of jerky. There was even a hard lump of something that smelled fruity and sweet.
"Thank you," he said absently, surprised Eren had managed to sneak out food even in the midst of what must have been one huge party.
Not daring to turn on a light, Levi ate the food. They still had the bottle of wine from that morning, and Levi drank a little to wash it down. Again, he was about to go to the attic.
"Join me."
Levi looked around in shock, having figured Eren was already asleep. Instead, those teal eyes were barely open, but Eren was staring right at him.
"You promised."
Levi glanced at the door. Already, they were almost caught once today. Still, he had said he would, purely to get the drunk soldier to quiet down. He figured he would only stay on the bed until Eren fell back to sleep; however, once his head was on the pillow, strong arms wrapped around him, and Eren clung on tightly.
"Sorry," he said again, nuzzling against Levi.
"Don't worry. I'm glad we weren't caught. Still, you need to be more careful. Metz is not safe."
"Wanna be wiff you," he mumbled petulantly.
"Then be safe about it. For your own sake and for mine."
"Ja, ja," he grumbled, and then his body went heavy with drunken sleep.
Levi rolled his eyes. "Tu te fous de moi, bordel?" Are you fucking kidding me? "Seriously, love has made you more stupid than you were before." He sighed out his frustration, laughed softly to himself, leaned over, and kissed Eren on the cheek. "It's made me stupid too, mon petit ami."
He seemed to confirm that when he closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift off in Eren's arms.
# # #
# #
#
mon petit ami = my boyfriend. You heard him. It's official!
Five times in C.S. Lewis' book The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Lewis warns young readers "you should never never shut yourself up in a wardrobe." Levi just learned this the hard way.
I went ahead and did calculations for how quickly Levi would suffocate in such a tiny space. Granted, it is not airtight, but any drop in oxygen levels can make you sick. So guessing dimensions, he would have about 400 liters of air in there. We breathe at about 6 liters a minute with a 5% CO2 level exhaled. That means within just an hour, he would breathe through all the air in the wardrobe. 5% CO2 level is not fatal, but it will definitely start to do things to you, and he was in there for probably 10 hours. Again, this is not an airtight space, so he is getting some oxygen exchange through the crack. A normal leaky house has 0.5 air changes per hour. He (probably) would not suffocate, but it would definitely get stuffy quickly. The lower oxygen levels may lead to drowsiness, feeling hot and clammy, anxiety, headache, and even arousal. (Auto-erotic asphyxiation is popular for a reason.)
"bigger than Luxembourg" – Armin is right about New York City's immense size. The New York Metropolitan Area (which includes Long Island, North Jersey, Western Connecticut, and part of the Hudson Valley) is 4,669 square miles (12,093 sq. km), the largest metropolitan area in the world by urban landmass. In comparison, Luxembourg is 998 sq. miles (2,586 sq. km). The NYC Metro Area stretches from Nancy, France, through Metz, completely envelopes Luxembourg and parts of Belgium, all the way up to Liège (Luik) and to Bonn, Germany, while Long Island stretches from the Luxembourg border to Mainz, Germany, and almost hits Frankfurt. New York is seriously big.
Eren and Armin overhear the Germans singing So ist es immer, a tiny anachronism, as that is the song from A Choice With No Regrets OVA, composed by Hiroyuki Sawano and sung by Benjamin. The German lyrics about soldiers sitting around in a brief moment of respite, drinking and singing, "we comrades have stories to tell," fit too well.
Drunk Eren is once again singing the chorus of Mein Regiment Meine Heimatland. They sang that song with Reiner back in Chapter 9, Rake the Coals Hotter. When I first posted the lyrics, I used the ORIGINAL version, but I found out that during Hitler's reign, the last line of the chorus, Vom ganzen Battalion, "from the whole battalion," was changed to Vom Hitlerbattalion, "from Hitler's battalion." Because of course everything was about Hitler back then. I changed Chapter 9 to fit what they would have been singing in 1944.
THE FREE INDIA LEGION
The Free India Legion (Legion Freies Indien) was a military unit in World War II. I only briefly name-drop them here, but I find them immensely interesting and a prime example of the complexities of wartime loyalties. They were part of the independence movement in India, fighting against British colonists. To break free from British rule, they aligned with the Axis and served under the Waffen-SS. In a sense, they merely wanted freedom, and they thought "the enemy of my enemy" was a good enough reason to join the Germans. Hitler was eager to exploit anti-colonial feelings for his cause.
Unlike the British, who organized their Indian Army based on religion and caste, the Free India Legion sought to form one unified Indian identity; thus units were mixed, with Muslims, Hindus, and Sikhs all serving side-by-side, and respect for diversity was of utmost importance. Although their goal was to aid in an Axis invasion of British India, the Free India Legion was mostly dispatched to non-combat duties in Europe. One group had been on patrol at Normandy on D-Day.
As the war came to an end, the surviving Free India Legion tried to make an escape to Switzerland, but they were caught by Allied troops, deported to India, where they face charges of treason. British soldiers later described the Free India Legion, "they needed numerous hours to say their prayers … sympathized with the civilian population they were supposed to fight … Since everyone looked like the other, they usually managed to get paid several times." Good old British racism! Due to public outcry of support in India, many of whom saw them as nationalists, their trials were suspended.
Only tangentially related but a fact I always loved was the first "German" soldier the Allies captured upon landing in Normandy was a Korean named Yang Kyoungjong. Like a crazy game of hot potato, this guy was originally captured by the Japanese Army and forced to fight; he was caught by the Russian Army and conscripted as a prisoner-soldier; he was then captured by the Germans who were short on manpower so they and put him into a Wehrmacht uniform and had him patrol the coastline; and finally he was captured by Americans, who at first thought he was Japanese, except no one could communicate with him. It was later realized he was Korean. He was sent to a POW camp for the rest of the war. After being released, he remained in America and became a U.S. citizen. I guess he had enough of being moved around the globe.
So really, you could find all sorts of people from many ethnicities fighting in the Wehrmacht, and some were not there willingly.
While Nazis believed Jews, Serbs, and Romani were "subhuman," they had a very different opinion of other racial groups. For instance, due to archaeological evidence that Aryans came from Iran, they had very strong relations with that country. (Iran was less than thrilled about Hitler's obsession with them.)
Since Iran was mostly a Muslim country, Hitler developed a great respect for Islam. Every time he denounced the Catholic Church, he would compare it to Islam. In private, he once said that he wished the Ottomans had conquered Germany centuries ago so they could all have been Muslim. He believed that the Islamic religion created fearless, loyal soldiers, and felt such ideals were better suited to the German people than the "meekness and flabbiness" of Christianity.
Hitler decreed that Muslim soldiers should be given Halal food, set prayer times, be allowed ritualistic animal slaughters (something Germany banned because of Jews) and any German soldier who insulted Islam or Muslims was to be severely punished. Often, the Free India Legion itself handled any "punishments," as according to British reports, "They were extremely vengeful in case of the slightest offense or insult and killed quite a number of German NCOs they disliked." That's one way to weed out racists.
Hitler met and befriended Amin al-Husseini, Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, after the Grand Mufti fled Palestine. To summarize: after WWI, the League of Nations told the British to govern Palestine, a former Ottoman Empire colony, until it could be independent; Great Britain wanted to turn Jerusalem into a Jewish sanctuary and began to send Jews there; al-Husseini rejected this plan, and his protests led to the Great Palestinian Revolt; the British put that down, Jews compared his acts to Nazi-style terrorism, so it's not too surprising that al-Husseini fled to Germany, where he hit it off with the Führer.
Hitler let al-Husseini use German and Italian radio stations to recruit Muslims to fight for the Nazis. However, the Grand Mufti's antisemitic message only really worked in Palestine, where he had spent two decades cultivating hatred for Zionist Jewish migration. Many Muslims even sheltered Jews from Nazis. (Ironically, after the war, al-Husseini's Nazi connections were highlighted in deliberations within the United Nations about the need to establish a Jewish State in Palestine.)
All told, only 70,000 Muslims joined the Axis, while over 5 million joined the Allies. However, every member of the Free India Legion joined willingly, while the British conscripted many of their Indian soldiers to save British lives.
Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Christians, many types of people joined the Axis for many different reasons: to free their lands from colonialism, to fight against Allied nations (ahem, Russia) who were slaughtering Muslim communities in Crimea, for the economic stability socialism promised, and yes, some joined eager to eliminate Jews.
We should not judge a person just because the side they joined turned out to be awful. To be fair, the British Empire had their own concentration camps in African colonies, and 60 million Indians died of starvation in famines under the British Empire. The Bengal Famine of 1943 alone killed 3-4 million people in one year, to which Churchill said, "I hate Indians. They are a beastly people with a beastly religion. The famine was their own fault for breeding like rabbits."
The thing is, the famine was not their own fault; it was deliberately manufactured. The British government ruling India at the time refused to distribute food to the Indian peasantry, prioritizing "essential workers" like soldiers and, of course, government officials, while hiking the price of grain to insane levels to raise money for the war effort. No peasant could afford food, and no food was being distributed to agrarian areas. Churchill thought it was more important that the British military ate well during the war, at the cost of millions of Indian lives. It is listed as one of the worst genocides in history.
THAT was what the Free India Legion was fighting against.
In terms of systemic starvation, torture, rape, and murder, Western colonizers surpassed Nazi Germany's body count many times over; Germany simply streamlined genocide.
Not saying we should dismiss the Nazi atrocities, but we should not ignore the atrocities on the Allies' side just because it makes us a little uncomfortable.
When dealing with Hitler and Nazis, most people agree, "NEVER AGAIN." To ensure that this never happened again, we need to address what caused people to flock to such a demagogue. We need to address that it was oppression, racism, and sadistic cruelty by the so-called heroes of World War II that led throngs of people all over the world to unite behind Hitler. In the case of the Free India Legion, when the man controlling your country calls you and your religion beastly and starves millions of your people, and some other guy with a tiny mustache promises fair food distribution, socialized health care, better roads, and equal wages … yeah, of course that sounds like a good idea.
Evil spreads when something else is seen as being FAR WORSE.
To them, they were literally fighting for their own survival. To them, it was a path to freedom. To them, liberty from such cruel oppressors was something worth dying for.
To them, Germany was the lesser of two evils.
Even if they knew about the death camps (very few people did until after the war) and you said, "Hitler hates Jews and Nazis have killed 6 million of them," they would be like, "So? Churchill hates Indians and the British have killed 60 million of us."
Yet Hitler is seen as the ultimate evil in European history, but Churchill is seen as a hero.
History truly is written by the victors.
This is why I find the Free India Legion such a fascinating subject, one not normally discussed in history classes in fear of it stoking racism in young students who only half pay attention in class, or the teacher coming across as some Nazi apologist. I sincerely hope I wrote this in a way that does not succumb to either troubling issue, but feel free to tell me if I should rephrase anything.
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