Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Desperate Heart	By : Sanomi Category: +. to F > Fushigi Yuugi Views: 1825 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Disclaimer: Me not owning it.

~*~*~*~

Desperate Heart

By Sanomi

Chapter Four: I�m Only A Fool

~*~*~*~

�Saihitei... I forgive you,� he told him softly.

He stared at Genrou. �What?� He blinked and stood rigidly. �And why would I need your forgiveness?�

�Since you can�t forgive yourself.�
The tiny apartment was utterly silent for long moments. Finally:

�I think it�s time for you to go home, Genrou.�

�What?�

�Genrou. Go home.� Anger, spite, hurt, all emotions seemed to drain out of Saihitei. He looked-- tired. Mortally tired.

Genrou stood unmoving. It was his fault for bringing it up, so he would face the consequences. He felt instinctively that it would be asking for trouble to leave Saihitei alone right now. �No. No, I�m not going to go. Saihitei, you can�t keep running away, or pushing people away.�

~*~*~*~

I stared at him, shocked. Was that what I had been doing? Running? And pushing?

Oh, gods, he�s right.

I wilted and shrunk in on myself. Oh god, oh gods. That�s exactly what I had been doing. I�d always known it, but kept putting it to the back of my mind. It was a sort of unspoken continuous monologue in my subconscious, left over from the frightened, jumbled thoughts that had been going through my mind the day Father Junan died.

If they stay away I won�t get hurt. If they stay away they won�t get hurt.

He who fights and runs away li--lives to f-fight ano-another day, isn�t that how the saying goes? If they get too close, I�ll just go away. That way everyone stays safe.

~*~*~*~

Saihitei had always seemed strong and confident, no matter what the situation. It was a shock to Genrou to see him so vulnerable and scared. The dark-haired boy collapsed onto the couch with his head bowed. He said something, but the curtain of his hair muffled it.

Genrou moved to kneel in front of him. �What?� The thought I seem to be saying that an awful lot went through his .
.

�If I keep them away I can�t hurt them and they can�t hurt me,� Saihitei repeated in a small voice.

�Oh, Sai...� He immediately placed a hand on the other�s knee. �Sai, it doesn�t always work that way. Yes, you can get hurt; everybody gets hurt sooner or later.� He ignored a muttered �I�d rather it later.�

�But if you cut yourself off from feeling any pain, you can�t feel happy either! And pushing people away gives a different pain.�

Amber eyes peeked out at him from behind a curtain of dark hair. �Like what?�

�Loneliness. Listen, Sai. A lot of people don�t know how to not hurt, people who will ask too much of you or try and get you to suppress who you are because they can�t handle it. People--most people are like that. But you gotta hold out for the ones that are worth it. The ones that accept you for who you are, and care about you. Those people will help you with your pain because they share it, and they do what they can to help.�

Saihitei raised his head and his hair fell back. �Really?� He still was like a lost little child, but he was slowly getting his equilibrium back.

�Yes, Sai. Now, come on, promise me you�ll try.�

�Try what?�

�You know what I mean. Try to open yourself up. Feel the good and the bad.�

�I-I don�t know if I can--�

�Just promise me you�ll try.�

�O-okay. I�ll try.�

~*~*~*~

Things went mostly back to normal after that. But there was alwaybit bit of fear in me.

When would Genrou remind me of my promise? I had-- tried to-- well, I glared less. I did attempt to be more polite.

However, I know sooner or later Genrou would do something extreme. Er, extreme for me anyways.

It was a while later, when I was walking with my lunch tray to our table (We had more or less claimed it.) that I noticed we had some company. I stood stock-still. Conversation at the table abruptly ceased.

Genrou turned around and grinned at me with a mischievous look in his eye. �Hey, Sai! Sit down, why don�t ya?�

I shot him a look. Only he would know me well enough to tell that it was a pleading one.

Please don�t make me do this.

He grinned wider and shook his head imperceptibly.

Fuck.

If I had been theatrical, I might have attempted to do a long-suffering sigh. As it was, I sat down next to Genrou with a minuscule scowl.

The conversation around me gradually started up again, once they were certain I wasn�t going to kill anyone. Morons.

I would have preferred to eat my crappy cafeteria food silently, but Genrou kept trying to draw me into his conversation with the others. Remembering my promise, I joined in a little. Only for you Genrou. Dammit. I wish I hadn�t made that promise.

I half expected to be bored out of my mind, but Genrou chose some of the few non-brainless students to keep company with. It wasn�t torture to listen to, and it became easier to talk as well. I think it took them a while to get used to me not talking in death threats (Hey! When did I ever give those??? I never threaten people, I warn them about what I was going to do to them at a later date...)

I don�t think it really hit me until then, just how amazing Genrou was. His intuition was--amazing. He always seemed to know exactly what to do. He became my friend because somehow he knew I needed it. He got me to tell him what happened because somehow he knew keeping it inside was slowly poisoning me. And now he was forcing me to deal with being social because he knew it wasn�t healthy to stay locked away from life. When... when did I ever deserve a friend like him?

I made a mental note to kill Kouji if he ever took Genrou�s love for granted.

~*~*~*~

Genrou was glad Saihitei was willing to go through with his promise. Although it took everyone a moment to adjust to the fact that the Unreachable Silent Saihitei was actually participating in the conversation, they soon got used to it. It relieved the burden of upholding the end of several conversations from him, so he was able to think a bit.

Saihitei was an interesting personality. He didn�t talk very much and was often cold and seemed uncaring. Yet Genrou knew he was capable of feeling deeply. And he knew the other wasn�t as bad as he liked people to think. Like the day Genrou had gotten that letter from Kouji. He�d been moping around all day, Saihitei could have ignored that, but instead he tried to help Genrou out. Albeit rather awkwardly, but at least it was an attempt. And it had worked.

Still, there were times when Genrou would have given anything to know what was going on in Saihitei�s head. Like now. The amber-eyed teenager kept glancing at him. And he couldn�t interpret that gaze. It was making him feel nervous.

soon after, the bell rang, signaling lunch was over. It was almost a relief to go to class and avoid that inscrutable look.

�Genrou.� It was Saihitei�s low murmur.

He glanced at the other, feeling himself beginning to sweat. Did Sai regret having met him? Was the brunette mad over what he had done?

�Thank you.�

It was so totally not what Genrou had expected to hear, that his brain stumbled over that. �Huh?�

Saihitei smiled one of his rare smiles. �Thank you for being my friend.�

�Um... you�re welcome?� He couldn�t seem to get his brain to wrap around the thought that Saihitei had thanked him for being his friend. It wasn�t like it was brain surgery, or anything. He genuinely liked Saihitei, and there was this weird sort of connection he felt with him. Like the connection he had with Kouji.

It occurred to him that he felt that same connection with Eiken, but it wasn�t a pleasant one. He had to resist the urge to punch the guy, when he hadn�t even done anything to anyone!

Weird...
~*~*~*~

BTW, the thing about Genrou having a connection with some people... it�s a past life connection, you know? He knew Sai as Hotohori in his past life as Tasuki... and Eiken was the icky dude who took over the bandit gang while Tasuki was gone. Understand?
- 3
- 4
- 5
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Adult-FanFiction.Org is not in any way associated with or related to FanFiction.Net

Adult-FanFiction.org (AFF, the site), its owners, agents, and any other entities related to Adult-FanFiction.org or the AFF forum take no responsibility for the works posted to the Adult-FanFiction.org by its members.

While AFF and its agents attempt to remove all illegal works from the site as quickly and thoroughly as possible, there is always the possibility that some submissions may be overlooked or dismissed in error. The AFF system includes a rigorous and complex abuse control system in order to prevent improper use of the AFF service, and we hope that its deployment indicates a good-faith effort to eliminate any illegal material on the site in a fair and unbiased manner. This abuse control system is run in accordance with the strict guidelines specified above.

All works displayed here, whether pictorial or literary, are the property of their owners and not Adult-FanFiction.org. Opinions stated in profiles of users may not reflect the opinions or views of Adult-FanFiction.org or any of its owners, agents, or related entities.

Website Domain ©2002-2017 by Apollo. PHP scripting, CSS style sheets, Database layout & Original artwork ©2005-2017 C. Kennington. Restructured Database & Forum skins ©2007-2017 J. Salva. Images, coding, and any other potentially liftable content may not be used without express written permission from their respective creator(s). Thank you for visiting!

Powered by Fiction Portal 2.0
Modifications © Manta2g, DemonGoddess
Site Owner - Apollo

Desperate Heart