Crash

Some warnings. This fic is based off the anime, as at the time it was written my co-writer and I hadn\'t seen the manga. Shuu-chan\'s family is going to make an appearance, and since we didn\'t know anything about them, we made them up. ^_^;; Even after reading the manga, we felt we wanted to keep with our original intention--a fic based off the anime. I hope everyone will continue to enjoy the fic regardless.

Thanks!

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Chapter 4


Yuki was instantly on her heels, draining the remains of his coffee
and setting the empty cup on the nurse station as they
passed. //Damnit Shuuichi, of course you\'re worked up. But at least…
God, he\'s awake.// He dragged a hand over his face to try and draw
some composure back into it. //He\'s awake.// A weak smile flashed
briefly across his face as he followed the nurse towards the room.

She led them to the third room—423—and headed in ahead of them to
hold the door open. \"Remember, he needs to calm down.\" The doctor
glanced up from the side of Shuuichi\'s bed to share a nod with the
nurse.

Hiro hurried into the room, but he wasn\'t prepared for what he saw
and froze just inside the door. Shuuichi was lying flat on an
uncomfortable-looking bed, his legs elevated by a thin pillow. One
of his arms was strapped to the railing along the side, where a large
needle stuck out of the inside of his elbow and a clip dangled from
his finger. What skin he could see beneath casts and hospital gown
was either deathly pale or purpling with bruises. The most
frightening sight was the long, thick tube extending from a humming
machine and down the singer\'s throat. //Oh God….//

Shuuichi was pulling weakly at the strap, free hand being held by the
doctor to keep him from apparently yanking the tube out. Hiro
couldn\'t see his face well, but he would have bet anything the boy
was crying. \"Shuuichi….\"

Yuki stopped in the door. Despite all his protesting, harassing the
doctors and nurses and his own family, he wasn\'t prepared for when he
was finally set before the boy. He was pale, battered, limp, crying—
none of those things applied to Shuuichi. He was never meant to look
like that. The author took a step forward, hesitant and shaking, and
found suddenly that he couldn\'t come any closer. //Shuuichi….//

Seeing Yuki couldn\'t move either somehow gave Hiro strength, and he
forced himself to continue forward. He approached Shuuichi from
opposite the doctor, taking the boy\'s bound hand in his. \"Shuuichi,\"
he called, then again when the boy didn\'t turn. Finally, their eyes
met, and the boy\'s gaze widened.

//Hiro….// He shuddered, shifting uncertainly against the stiff
mattress. //Hiro…Hiro….// Fresh tears began to form, and he
continued to try and escape the doctor\'s hold.

\"No, Shuuichi, you have to calm down,\" Hiro quickly said, bending
down to be closer to the boy\'s face. He squeezed the cold fingers
when his words were ignored. \"Shuuichi please….\"

Yuki gulped, and managed a few shaky steps into the room—halting and
ragged, but it was good enough to bring him into Shuuichi\'s line of
sight. The boy\'s twisted, tearstained face almost broke him
again. \"Shuuichi….\" He scraped the back of his palm across his
mouth. \"Just shut up for a while, okay? You\'re…all right now.\"

Shuuichi went still at the sound of his lover\'s voice, barely able to
turn his head to see the other. //Yuki…oh Yuki….// He gave up trying
to take his mask off and instead reached for Yuki. //Please—I\'m
scared, everything hurts…. Please, Yuki. If…if I could just touch
you for a moment….// All the while air was being forced into his
lungs, and that weakness and loss of control was so frustrating he
thought he\'d explode.

\"Damn brat, scaring everyone.\" Yuki managed to close the distance
between them at last, setting his hand over Shuuichi\'s and guiding it
back down. \"Stop that. We\'re here, all right? You\'re…okay.\" He
tilted his chin up slightly. \"You look like shit, though—you need
more sleep than I do.\" //At least…he probably can\'t see me shaking.//

He desperately wanted to speak, but the tube allowed no room for him;
he couldn\'t even hum through his nose. Instead he twisted his arm to
clasp his lover\'s hand. //Yuki….//

Hiro glanced over at the doctor. \"How long does he have to stay
here?\"

Doctor Yamakura shared another look with the nurse before facing the
boy. \"It will depend on his lungs,\" he reported. \"Once we\'re sure
they are functioning well on their own, we\'ll be able to let him
out. Though, his legs are going to take quite some time to heal.\"

Yuki nodded vaguely, though he wasn\'t really listening. He was
watching Shuuichi. //You look so awful like that. If only…you could
pop up, like always, and be fine. Like it never happened.// He
crouched down beside the bed, and though it put extra stress on his
knees he definitely didn\'t need, at least he felt a little closer.
He…should have said something, but he couldn\'t find any words that
sounded right. \"Shuuichi…you\'d better be using all that energy of
yours to get better.\"

//Oh Yuki, you look so worried.// He closed his eyes a moment,
blinking to be rid of the painful tears. Now that the other was
here, his relaxing made it easier to take in the air being fed to
him. //If only….//

Gaze widening, Shuuichi carefully freed his hand a moment, forcing
his fingers to curl and mimic writing. //Please understand. If I
can\'t talk to you….// He watched Yuki expectantly.

Something about the gesture caught Yuki bizarrely off guard, and he
almost choked as he turned to the doctor. \"Do you have something to
write on?\" he asked briskly. \"He wants to talk.\" He then fixed his
eyes back on the boy. \"Not that you should be, you little fool. You
should just rest for now.\"

Shuuichi narrowed his eyes in the best pout he could manage. //You
know me better than that.// It was difficult to curl his fingers
around the pen the doctor handed him, though once he had it he didn\'t
know what to write. He looked to Yuki for help, and quickly knew
what he wanted to say. He was clumsy with his left hand. \"Why air?\"

\"It\'s…your lungs,\" Yuki replied quietly. He knew the doctor should
be the one telling this, but he had a feeling that Shuuichi would
rather hear it from him anyway. \"They were in pretty bad shape, but
you\'re all right now. You just…need a little help breathing for a
while. Your legs are in casts, so that\'s gonna suck, but…you\'ll be
fine.\" He ground his teeth silently a moment. \"You\'re all right.\"

Shuuichi felt his tears threatening to return with Yuki\'s words, but
he stubbornly held them in. //Just for a while,// he told
himself. //Just a while, and I\'ll be okay. I\'ll…be able to
breathe….// He glanced down at the paper. \"You okay? And Hiro?\" he
wrote, looking briefly at his friend and squeezing his hand before
facing Yuki again. //You both…look awful. You didn\'t sleep, did
you.//

\"I\'m fine. Just fucking annoyed they made us wait this long.\" Yuki
tilted his head up slightly but didn\'t glance back at the doctor that
was still hovering nearby. He rubbed Shuuichi\'s hand warmly between
his own. //He feels so cold. I don\'t like it.// \"Now just relax.
Seguchi was here earlier, and…I think Sakano was. Fujisawa was.\"
Everything seemed to blur together, those long hours in the hospital,
but he didn\'t care anyway. \"Everyone wants you to get better, so
you\'d better get some sleep.\"

He nodded faintly, even though he didn\'t want to. But he was tired,
and he didn\'t feel like arguing with anyone at the moment. Carefully
freeing his hand, he cast a meaningful look at the doctor. \"Stay,\"
he wrote, somewhat larger than before. //I want him with me. I
don\'t want to be here alone.//

The doctor frowned at the message. \"I\'m afraid that only family or
spouses are allowed back here.\" He glanced at the pair. \"This was
an exception we felt we had to make, but both of you should leave.\"

Shuuichi frowned. //If getting them to stay means throwing a fit,
I\'ll do it again.// His hand moved to write just that.

Yuki stopped him before his hand reached the paper—he had seen well
enough what the boy was intending. \"It\'s all right,\" he murmured,
gently prying his fingers away. \"I\'ll be right outside. I….\" Yuki
could feel that he was wearing down; if he stayed here much longer
that face Shuuichi was making would only dig deeper into him. \"I
need to go home and take a shower anyway, but I\'ll be back. All
right?\"

Shuuichi wilted beneath those words, but he nodded and allowed Yuki
to take the pen from his hand. //I\'m scared, Yuki…but I don\'t want
to hurt you anymore. I don\'t like this—// Quickly gathering himself
again, he gestured YukiYuki to lean down. Once he could reach,
Shuuichi pressed two fingers against the author\'s lips in the best
approximation of a kiss he could manage. //I love you.//

Yuki held himself still until he was sure he wouldn\'t tremble when he
tried to move again. //Damnit, you can\'t do this to me.// Carefully
he lowered Shuuichi\'s hand to the bed and leaned in to grant a soft
kiss to the top of his head. \"Just sleep, and by the time you wake
up I\'ll be back.\"

Before anything else could happen Yuki stepped away from the bed. He
smoothed his hair back from his face. //I…have to get out of
here.// Without another word he turned, casting the doctor a brief
look as he slipped outside of the room once more.

Hiro leaned close to his friend when his face crumpled. \"Listen, you
get some rest, okay? I\'ll keep an eye on him for you.\" Smiling with
assurances, he squeezed Shuuichi\'s hand before standing as
well. \"We\'ll see you later.\"

Shuuichi nodded as Hiro left, settling back into his stiff
mattress. //Hiro. Yuki….// He closed his eyes. //I hope you can
come back soon….//

---

Despite his promise, Yuki didn\'t return to the hospital until the
next morning. He\'d showered, changed, and even managed to eat
something since the day before even if he didn\'t feel much better off
because of it; he\'d need sleep for that. So far a few shallow naps
had been it over the past twenty-four hours, and none of them were
satisfying. He just kept seeing the car lights in his mind, hearing
the squeal of tires….

Yuki rubbed at his eyes, banishing those memories to the back of his
mind as he approached Shuuichi\'s room. Just his luck there was a
nurse on duty, and she was quick to intercept him. \"I\'m here to see
Shindou Shuuichi,\" he explained brusquely.

The nurse only shook her head. \"Only family members are allowed past
here, and his father\'s already in there. I\'m sorry, but I 't l't let
you in.\"

This caused Yuki to pause, and he blinked at the woman as if not
quite comprehending what she was saying. //Shuuichi\'s…father?// It
suddenly seemed like a bizarre, alien concept to him—he\'d never
considered the fact that Shuuichi obviously must have had parents,
maybe even a family, and he found it baffling. But he was also at a
loss with no way to get into the room, meaning there was little else
he could do but wait.

Shin\'ichi\'s ears perked at the sound of his son\'s name, and with
curious eyes he left the hospital chair and came out the door. He
thought he recognized the tall, blond man before him—at least from
his daughter\'s descriptions—and came forward with a polite
interruption. \"Excuse me for overhearing, but are you…here to see
Shuuichi?\"

Yuki turned, exhaustion making his face grim, but when he saw who had
joined their conversation something inside him tightened. He
suddenly didn\'t know how to deal with this situation. //Shuuichi\'s
father. I never knew—didn\'t bother to ask.// Already weary he bowed
his head. \"Yes, that\'s right.\" He wasn\'t sure what had lowered his
voice just then, but it felt appropriate somehow.

Shin\'ichi smiled faintly. \"I am Shindou Shin\'ichi,\" he introduced
with his own bow, \"and I am Shuuichi\'s father.\" //He must be the
author—he does almost look familiar….// He glanced briefly back into
the room before moving away. \"I hope you\'ll excuse my bluntness, but
I could really use a coffee. Shuuichi\'s asleep right now, and I\'m
sure he won\'ss uss us if you\'d do the honor of joining me.\"

\"It\'s fine,\" Yuki replied, falling into step beside the man as they
headed for the cafeteria. \"I think I could use some myself.\" There
was something odd about watching the man as they went; it was clear
Shuuichi had inherited much of the man\'s face, from his wide, round
eyes to the softness of his hair, even though the shades were
different. It would have been amusing if he were in a mood for such
things. \"I\'m sorry—I didn\'t introduce myself,\" Yuki said abruptly.
He did, after all, know etiquette when called upon. \"My name is Yuki
Eiri. I\'m…a friend of Shuuichi\'s.\"

//I thought so.// Shin\'ichi nodded, almost to himself. //Calling
him just \"Shuuichi,\" too.// \"I\'m sorry I haven\'t had the chance to
meet many of Shuuichi\'s friends before. I\'m…relieved, knowing he has
people around him he can count on.\" Deciding to save other topics
for when they were settled, he led them quickly to the cafeteria,
treating the young man to a cup of steaming coffee and choosing a
relatively private table near the wall. \"If I am correct, you are an
author?\" he asked curiously.

\"That\'s right,\" Yuki replied evenly. Though Shuuichi\'s father seemed
to know about him already there was no telling how much, and he
thought it best—for Shuuichi\'s sake—to remain as discreet as
possible. \"A novelist. Your son and I met through his writing, you
could say.\" He curled his hands around the coffee cup but he didn\'t
drink from it yet, his eyes downcast.

Shin\'ichi took his own thoughtful sip. He had his theories, of
course, as well as a brief clip from the nightly news to know what
besides the condition of his son might be on the young man\'s mind.
Right now, though, he wouldn\'t bring i. \". \"I feel I should
apologize,\" he said quietly. \"I am sure he has been all manner of
trouble for you. Please accept my gratitude for watching over him.\"

\"I do, but it\'s not necessary,\" Yuki assured. \"It should be me….\"
He trailed off, eyes thinning as he, briefly, saw those moments again
flash before him. He cleared his throat and tried again. \"It\'s been
no trouble. He\'s…a good kid.\" //He\'s done everything to look after
me, and I haven\'t…couldn\'t even protect him from something so stupid
as….// Yuki drank at last, hoping the warm liquid would calm him
once more.

Shin\'ichi watched the other a moment, feeling a sense of relief he
really shouldn\'t have, considering his son\'s condition, but…. It was
relieving to know that someone cared about Shuuichi as much as the
man\'s expression told him he did. \"I may…have not been around much
for him, but I do know my son. I\'m sure he did his best to be as
difficult and as much a nuisance as possible.\" He smiled faintly,
though it made his eyes ache just slightly. \"He never was one to
make things easy. I am sorry for the stress he has caused you,
though you do not know how relieved it makes me, knowing he has such
friends here.\" //And if this really is the man Mayuko\'s mentioned…
all the better.//

\"I\'m not…\" Yuki started to protest, he the trailed off, keeping his
head lowered. //He really has no idea what it\'s been like between
us,// he realized dully, abandoning his coffee once
more. //Everything I\'ve put Shuuichi through—how cruel….// But he
wasn\'t sorry for that. Shuuichi had been difficult, and *had* been a
nuisance, and the only reason they were still…together…was because
Yuki didn\'t have the courage to tell him to leave for good this
time.

His fingers curled against the table, and when he spoke again it was
quieter than before. There was something about this man that was
making his insides ache. \"It\'s nothing. Please, I don\'t deserve
your gratitude.\"

//The poor boy….// Growsombsomber, Shin\'ichi reached over to set a
hand on the young man\'s shoulder. Perhaps it wasn\'t appropriate to
approach a stranger in such a way, but he didn\'t care, and being
unable to help his son for the moment turned his attention to a more
immediate focus for his energy. \"I know my son,\" he repeated
softly. \"Sometimes…I knew him before he knew about himself. I
remember hearing about a `Yuki,\' and if I am right, all this has been
harder on you than it has on his own family.\" He gave the other a
gentle, encouraging squeeze, deciding he wasn\'t going to treat this
man too differently than he would his son.

Yuki was silent and still for another moment, a little surprised by
the almost affection the man was showing him. //They really are
related. But….// \"So, you know,\" he murmured, not looking up. But
when he realized he hadn\'t meant to say that aloud he paused again,
struggling for a response. With a deep breath he lifted his head at
last. \"I\'m all right, Shindou-san. I\'m not the one you should be
worried about.\" He regretted saying that, too, and he quickly
added, \"Though I appreciate your concern.\"

Shin\'ichi smiled faintly. \"Now now, I can tell you didn\'t get any
more sleep than I did. That stupid son of mine would have been
snoring when I came in if he could.\" He gave the younger man\'s
shoulder a gentle shake, tone dropping just a bit. \"And of course I
know about him—a parent always knows, usually before the child
does.\" Finishing off his coffee, Shin\'ichi stood and patted the
author\'s back. \"And knowing my son, I\'m sure he won\'t sleep for too
long and will appreciate having another visitor to get some pity out
of. You can bring the rest of that with you,\" he added, nodding at
Yuki\'s barely finished coffee.

Yuki nodded vaguely, taking the coffee with him as they made their
way back to Shuuichi\'s room. Despite his intentions earlier he
didn\'t feel like going in to see him anymore; somehow, just talking
to the boy\'s father was just as exhausting as if it were Shuuichi
himself. He didn\'t have the energy for it most of the time, let
alone now. But there was also something about Shin\'ichi\'s gentle
self-assuredness that made him want to keep his composure as long as
he could. He…hadn\'t known a father could be like this, and though he
found it vaguely unsettling he was beginning to see how Shuuichi had
grown up the way he did.

As they entered the room, Shin\'ichi was vaguely pleased to see his
son was still sleeping, his free arm flung behind his head in such a
familiar position that he almost grinned despite his otherwise
gruesome appearance. Likewise, he was happy to see the second bed in
the room was yet unoccupied, and with the calm purpose only a father
could call, he easily steered Yuki towards it. \"Why not rest for a
bit,\" he offered casually. \"Finish your coffee. I\'m going to go
have a talk with the doctors and nurses, make sure they know exactly
who are the members of my son\'s family. No one will bother you.\"
With a slight nod, he quietly left, tactfully shutting the door
behind him. //Get some rest, Yuki Eiri. Both of you need it.//

Yuki watched him leave, and though he hovered about the second bed he
couldn\'t bring himself to lie down on it. He sat down, though,
slowly, so that he could watch Shuuichi from nearby. He hated
hospitals—hated how their sharp smell of antiseptic clung to the back
of his throat, how everything was white and still. Hated seeing
Shuuichi there most of all—he shouldn\'t have been here. It was
unnatural and disturbing, and he hated even more that he was letting
it get to him so badly.

\"Shuuichi…you idiot.\" He drained the rest of his coffee in one
breath and crushed the Styrofoam cup, placing it aside. He sighed as
he dragged a hand wearily over his face.

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