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Separation Anxiety	By : KiraDouji Category: +. to F > Card Captor Sakura Views: 2464 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Time
- 2-Suffering
- 3-Break
- 4-Static
- 3
- 4
DISCLAIMER: Kind of obvious, BUT, I don't know own the rights to these characters, the show or anything remotely similar to either mentioned above.

Separation Anxiety

Chapter Four: Static

�Sit down before fact child,

Be prepared to give up every pre-conceived notion

Follow humbly,

Wherever and whatever abysses nature leads

Or you will find nothing.�

-Thomas Huxley

I woke up in a dream today

To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor

The card was thin and
long, with a golden border and a red base color. The back was painted with the
symbol of a star created by three parallelograms, with the corners on a large
circle. On the inside of the star was a smaller, more complex circle with a sun
in the middle of it. Overlaying the top left-hand corner of this picture was a
smaller circle with a crescent moon inside it. A miniature star rested in the
rounded corners of the card border.

She turned it over.

The front had a
similar, plain golden border, but the top dipped down slightly, showing the
slightly boxy kanji for �moon�, read �Yue� in an old
form of Chinese. She smiled slightly as she let her gaze fixate on the middle
of the card, the picture itself. The background color of the picture was a
faded, dark blue. On top of the blue was
a faded, pale tan-yellow picture of Yue rising from
the bottom left corner of the card, and embracing the moon at the center. His
face was calm; his eyes looked downward towards the moon in his hands. Strands
of his hair obscured the bottom of the picture, while a few stars, as if in the
night sky, shone in the empty, deep blue area on the top right of the card.
And, at the bottom, the name �Yue� spelled out in
English.

It was a Clow Card; it wasn�t one of hers.

Forgot all about yesterday

Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore

A little taste of hypocrisy

This was different;
this darkness was not what he was used to. The mere fact that he recognized it
as darkness startled him; so his mistress had saved him after all. He felt
himself smile, although his logical mind told him he couldn�t possibly be
smiling right now�Right now�What to do about now? He let his thoughts
drift back to his mistress, Sakura Kinomoto.

She had grown into a
very beautiful young woman, obviously taking after her mother. He remembered
seeing her years ago, but he couldn�t remember how long ago it was. All he
could fathom at the moment was the unmistakable change in her. Of course she
had grown in stature and maturity, but her hair was still cut short, although
it was a little wavy, and her eyes�her eyes had become near images of her
mother�s. And, they were so gorgeous, not just aesthetically, but he could see
in them the power she had mastered, the determination, and still the
soulfulness.

Sakura was his
mistress, true, and she had made it clear the last time they spoke that she
loved him, but there was something different in how she treated him. He could
not think of the last time someone had shown him the emotions she had; in fact,
he couldn�t form more than an incoherent jumble of images about anything
besides her. That worried him, but he wouldn�t let it show, even though he had
no one to witness it. She never accepted him as her servant or even her
protector. She had tried to protect him instead, and now he could feel his
magic being pulled to her and cursed himself for ever having to force this
acceptance on her.

And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react

Even though you're so close to me

Sakura flipped the
card over and over between her fingertips.

Flip.

Yue.

Flip.

Sun and moon.

Flip.

Yue.

Flip.

Sun and moon.

�Yue,
tell me what you want me to do,� she whispered, trying hard to keep back her tears.
The sun shown through the windows behind her onto her bed and back; it was warm
and delicate. She felt a little comfort
from that, and gently pressed the card to her chest, bowing her head. �Please, Yue, please be all right��

You're still so distant

And I can't bring you back

�Will you tell me
what�s going on?� Touya�s exasperated voice nearly
growled over the telephone.

Shaoran sighed and rubbed his temples, holding the
phone between his ear and his shoulders. �I told you already, Touya-san! Sakura has been in the guestroom all day, and I
don�t think she�ll be out for a while.�

�Well if you can�t get
her at least tell me what�s going on,� Touya
answered, going from angry to purely exhausted. �Please, Yukito�s
beside himself with worry. I�m beside myself with worry. Tell us
something.�

�He�s not in danger
anymore,� Shaoran spoke in a calming voice, while
sitting down on the nearest piece of furniture. �I don�t know what Sakura�s
going to do now. It�s been a couple of days since she�I guess �transferred� is
the best word�since she transferred him. He should be fine now, as long as he
stays in the form she put him in, but she won�t keep him that way. I doubt
that, no matter how much Yue didn�t seem to care; he
would stay that way permanently. This means��

�She�ll have to
connect with him�� Touya sighed. �He depends so much
on a master, there�s no way for either of them not to see the
relationship�that�s the problem. That�s why she can�t think of it in the same
way Kero�s connected to her.�

�I�ve tried to talk with her,� Li answered, glancing
at the gold band around his ring finger, �but you�re right, and there�s no
changing it.�

�I have to go. Ja.�

�Ja ne, Touya-san.�

Li Shaoran
hung up the phone and flopped back against the couch. His eyes slid sideways to
the large feline on the floor next to him. �Doesn�t that waste a lot of
energy?�

No answer.

�Keroberos,
the guardian beast shouldn�t brood.�

The sun guardian gave
a halfhearted growl.

��What do you think
will happen?�

Kero looked up at Li, and shared a worried look
before returning to watching the guestroom door. �I want Yue
to know I�m here.�

�What?� Li, too, looked at the door.

�I�m in this form�so Yue will know immediately that I�m here.�

It's true the way I feel

Was promised by your face

�Yue��
Sakura whispered, then held the card firmly and stood up; resolve shone
brightly in her eyes. Her heart was racing, but her mind was calm. She held the
card in between her first two fingers, and then tossed it towards the middle of
the room. �Yue, come out.�

The card started to
fall, then stopped and glowed yellow. It spun in a circle, then suddenly seemed
to go rigid, and dissolved into a fine dust that turned white, and disappeared
like a curtain to reveal Yue standing quietly in the
middle of the room and looking straight at Sakura. Silence descended. They
studied each other, Sakura openly smiling while she looked over Yue, remembering now little parts about him that she�d
forgotten. It felt so good to have him back, no matter what the circumstances. Yue looked only at Sakura�s face for a few moments, before
turning his gaze out the window, patiently waiting for Sakura to finish.

A pair of arms went
around him, startling Yue so much that he almost
pulled back from the unexpected hug. Instead, he looked down, meeting Sakura�s
gaze. �Mistress��

�It�s good to see you
again, Yue-san,� Sakura stated almost
matter-of-factly. �I missed you, I was
so afraid something happened to you, and then you�you��

Yue could see her resolve breaking, and helped
her sit down, then knelt down next to the side of the bed, and put his head in
her lap. It was a simple gesture, but effective; Sakura stilled the slight
shaking that had started to go through her and gently started to run her
fingers through Yue�s hair like one might stroke a
pet�s fur.

�I am sorry,
Mistress,� Yue spoke in a quiet emotionless voice. �I
did not mean to worry you or scare you, but I have done both, and because of my
actions, you have to do something which you do not wish to do.� He sighed, and
let his eyelids drift halfway shut.

�Yue-san,
don�t start blaming yourself for this,� Sakura�s voice was small, but firm,
�and don�t you think for a moment that I won�t try everything I can to find out
what�s been going on. I love you very, very much, understand? And so do Yukito and Touya, and Shaoran, and Otousan, and Keroberos, and none of us want you to hurt.� Her voice
shook a little towards the end, but she forced it to stop, and continued on in
a gentler tone. �Why did you separate from Yukito?�

The moon creature was silent again, and then
answered so softly Sakura almost missed what he said. �The magic that held Yukito and me together began unraveling. I do not know the
cause, but it happened and I was being swallowed up by the chaos it created. I
wanted to be free of it, not truly some part of Yukito�
I did not wish to lose myself, but I also did not want to hurt Yukito. So, I gave him everything he needed to exist, which
meant, of course, that I did not have some of those requirements. I knew this
when it was happening. That is why I apologized.�

Sakura sighed, and shifted in a way that told Yue she wanted to stand up. The guardian pulled back and
stood with her, watching her without a flicker of emotion showing. �I could
have supported you years ago, Yue-san,� she began,
looking up at him, �but you wouldn�t come out��

The sound of your voice

Painted on my memories

An image came to mind,
a very clear and sharp picture of his old master, the one he never really wanted
to give up. Yue looked back with an unchanging
expression, closed his eyes briefly then spoke with an impassive voice, �I did
not want to disturb Yukito and Touya.�

Sakura huffed, and crossed her arms, �That�s not the
reason.�

Yue blinked his eyes open and stared at her in
clear shock. �Mistress��

�Don�t give me that, Yue,� she interrupted. As if to take the sting from her
words, she stepped forward and put her hand on his face.

Her touch was so gentle, so warm�so distracting. His
thoughts drifted again to his master as he tried harder to think of the answer
she wanted to hear. But all he could see were those soft intelligent eyes
rimmed with delicate wire frames, or without. The thick black hair often tied
back at the base of the neck, sometimes undone and falling over slender
shoulders. A weakness he didn�t understand flowed through him with all the
memories, and it must have shown, because Sakura was suddenly helping him to
sit down on the edge of the bed.

�Yue-san, are you all
right? What happened?� She was worried, so worried. Her hand was pressed over
one of his and her face leaning towards his, searching for something.

Yue closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to
clear his thoughts. �I think I figured out the answer to your question, Mistress.�
He opened his eyes again, and looked a short distance downwards until they were
consciously maintaining eye contact. �I have only just realized this myself.
While I did not draw from you, I felt free to think of Clow,
to still be his creation. When you start to support me�I will be your guardian
entirely. I cannot nor will I claim anyone else for a master. It will be giving
up Clow, and I do not want to.�

Sakura�s eyes drooped
at the corners, showing empathy, �You really love him, don�t you?�

He looked away
finally.

�Oh Yue, I didn�t know�� She pulled him close for another hug.
�I�m sorry, I didn�t know�you really love him, not like Kero
does, but like Touya loves Yukito.
That�s why�that�s why�� She was crying now, but did so freely, and subdued all
of Yue�s attempts to move and comfort her. �You�re
hurting so much�I wish there was something I could do!�

Even if you're not with me

I'm with you

Yue sighed, �Mistress, please, I do not need your
sympathies. I need your power.� Sakura looked up, pulling back and wiping her
eyes. She was about to speak, but Yue easily spoke
over her. �If you want to support me, then do so. If you don�t, then tell me
now. I do not care which answer you give, I only wish that you tell me what you
want and what you think you should do. Clow is
no longer my superior; you are, and I will respect that.�

Sakura blinked back
more tears, trying to compose herself after such an icy onslaught of words. The
moon creature had pulled away as well, obviously trying to break the closeness she
had wound about them. My own decision� Her fingers wrapped around the
necklace that now hung loosely from her neck as she closed her eyes. What do
I want? Desperately, she scoured her mind, trying to find the answer. What
do I want? Don�t be silly, you want him to live�

�I want to support
you,� Sakura opened her eyes and looked resolutely into her guardian�s eyes.
�That was never a question. I want you to live.�

�As you wish,
Mistress,� Yue rolled off in monotone.

�But I don�t want you
to stop thinking about Clow, understand? You think
about whatever you want to!� She was looking at him fiercely now, trying to get
him to understand something, to see something that he could not.

You / Now I see / Keeping everything inside

WITH YOU

You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes

WITH YOU

What you meant when you warned me, Clow, I
could have never known, Yue thought sadly, looking down at his
mistress. He had to smile; the command was easily the most amusing one he�d
ever heard. �Think about whatever you want
to.� If only it were that easy. Sakura was looking up at him with a new
expression now; probably wondering why he was smirking like that. Yue sighed and closed his eyes, trying to collect his
thoughts.

�Mist�� He opened his
eyes, and then started again. �Sakura, I am not sure if you understand
everything�I do not think I understand everything that has happened. I can feel
Clow�s magic dissolving, and I do not know why, but
it has affected me greatly. Right now, I can feel spells unraveling around me
that I did not even know were there. He is no longer here to support me, and
you have taken his place in that manner.

�I do not resent you
for it. You have proven yourself more times than needed, and it is not a
question of trust or affection that kept me from coming to you until you
summoned me. It is not any form of pride or arrogance either; it is the past
that has held, and still holds me. You must understand that I am a creature of
the past, if I am nothing else at all. I did not roam freely for all the years
of my life; I learned nothing from the centuries that passed around me.

�I know nothing of
this century, or the one before it, or the one before that. I know only the
years I spent with Clow and Keroberos
in a city and time that no longer seem to exist. My home has changed, time has
changed, but I have not. Touya believes this is why I
was melded with Yukito; so that I may learn and
change from him, but I do not agree. I have learned, yes, but I have not
changed from it. There is something in a human that makes them stay themselves,
Sakura, something that nothing will change, but I am not human, I am simply the
essence of myself. I am that which cannot change without changing who I am.

�This is why it is hard for me to
accept a new master; I cannot deal with such�differences.�

Sakura watched Yue shift a distant gaze from her eyes to the window. The
sun was hidden behind some clouds and the evening sky was forming behind it.
The moon creature�s eyes were half lidded, as if he were pulled towards
something. After a few minutes, Sakura realized that Yue
was glowing faintly; it was a silver and white gleam of light that surrounded
him like a thin outline. She also noted that Yue was
beginning to loose the opaque qualities of the flesh.

�Yue,�
she spoke gently, rising a hand to his arm and remembering something that would
likely account for the sudden longing in his gaze. �We don�t have to talk
anymore. You don�t have to tell me anything you don�t want to. You were right,
I don�t think I understand yet, but there are a lot of us now, right? And I can
ask the others to help us figure out what�s going on. But right now, you need
to link with me so you can see the full moon tomorrow.�

She was smiling again
when Yue looked away from the window. He gave her a
small smile to show that he heard what she had to say, and that he thanked her
for part of it. �All right, we have spent so much time talking already, I�m
afraid one of us will wear out before the magic is finished.�

His mistress laughed
lightly, and put her arms around his neck like she used to when she was
younger. He answered in much the same manner, holding her protectively with one
arm and looking somewhere else. Clow,
he thought, glancing at his reflection in a mirror across the room, you left
as you said you would, and prepared for this future most of your life, as you
said you would. But why could I not see your departure? Why can I not remember
holding you before you died? Surely I would have been there� But of all things,
why did you let me love you?

I hit you and you hit me back

We fall to the floor the rest of the day stands still

�Master,
are you sure you don�t want anything? You haven�t eaten all day.�

�I�m fine, Yue,� Clow
murmured, eyes still glued to a tome he�d been perusing for almost three days
now.

Yue had wondered more than once what was so interesting about that text to
make his master act like this, but it wasn�t his place to ask. It was, however,
his right to worry, which he did emphatically. The magician�s black hair
had fallen forward again and was becoming untied due to Clow
leaning forward so long. Putting a hand on the table, the moon creature sighed
and glanced out the window. Almost early morning. He looked back to his master,
and easily noticed the signs of fatigue etched all over him. �

�Clow, you�re tired. It�s almost morning. Go to
bed, please. One day, even two days I can stand, but you need to rest.�

�Yue,� Clow sighed and finally
looked up from reading, �what I need right now is to continue reading this and
making notes on it while I still understand it. If I come back to it and my
notes are only halfway done, I won�t be able to make any sense of it. If it
makes you feel any better, you can make me some tea, and I�ll drink that.� He
smiled gently.

Yue sighed in defeat and bowed his head. �Yes, Master.�

Fine line between this and that

When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real

�Now what is he doing?� Keroberos growled in
exasperation.

�Some type of spell,� Yue answered coolly and
gestured for Kero to follow him. �Let him be. We have
chores to attend to.�

�Don�t even try to tell me you aren�t worried about him, Yue,� the cat announced, padding alongside Yue as they left the hallway they had been in for another
one that looked exactly like the first. �You�ve seen how exhausted he�s been
lately.�

Yue stared hard at anything in front of him. �Clow
is not foolish, nor headstrong. He knows his limits. If he wants to do this,
that is his decision and no amount of worrying on my part or yours will change
it.�

Keroberos growled deep in his throat, �You don�t believe that any
more than I do. Between you and Clow, it�s a wonder
anything ever gets accomplished around here�or that no one�s been killed.�

�What�s that supposed to mean?� Yue glared down
at his brother.

�Emotional constipation, that�s what you have,� Kero
snorted.

�I would rather think about my emotions than act on them without any
thought,� the moon guardian shot back.

�At least I know what emotions are,� Keroberos
quipped, biting the loose part of Yue�s outfit and
giving him a good tug.

Yue glowed briefly, and Kero was moved off of his
clothing. �I think that�s the most childish thing you�ve ever tried to do to
me, Keroberos.�

The giant feline roared with laughter and got to his feet. �Nope!� he yelled,
and pounced Yue to the floor. �That was.�

The moon creature stared balefully up at the giant feline pinning him to
the ground. �If you don�t let me up, there will be no one to cook for you, you
realize.�

Now I'm trapped in this memory

And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react

A week and a half. A solid eleven days of nothing but research,
experiments and spells. Yue knew that his master had
lived longer than any human that had lived once, or probably ever would again,
and he knew that Clow required less
nourishment because of this, but he�d never seen Clow
go for eleven days without sleeping or eating. A human simply could not
live off of tea alone! And yet, there he was back in his library, pouring over
that same tome with a cold cup of un-touched tea on the table to his
right.

Clow�s shoulders were slumped as if supporting a great load, and
he leaned heavily on his right hand, resting his elbow on the table. Yue quietly replaced the cold tea with warm tea, and sat in
a chair next to his master. The entire estate felt like the sunset, going from
a time of wondrous light to a time of beautiful darkness. It hung in the
balance like the purple and pink hues that lit the sky as the sun retreated
below the horizon. Yue�s hands clasped the ceramic
cup lightly as he watched a candle throw different shadows on the table as it
flickered in the still air.

He brought the cup to his lips, and silently sipped its ice-cold
contents. It was bitter, even more so than when tea has cooled off during
dinner. This bitterness clung to the back of his throat like an icicle that
refused to let go. This was a bitterness that came from hours of sitting in a
still room without any heat of its own. The cold liquid pouring through him
caused the moon creature to shudder visibly. He tipped the cup again and drank
some more.

If Clow had even noticed his presence, it wasn�t acknowledged,
and so, Yue sat in a hard wooden chair just like the
one his master sat on, and drank the freezing tea, hoping it would somehow stop
the heavy feeling forming in his chest. He knew something was wrong and after
all these days of near silence from Clow, that
knowledge was starting to form a lump like coal inside him. He would have
begged at Clow�s feet days ago if he thought it would
make his master even pause for lunch. But, he knew better. He knew it wouldn�t
make a difference and that he should just let Clow do
what he wanted, continue on with his tasks, and perform the ones Clow had left undone�right?

Even though you're close to me

You're still so distant

And I can't bring you back

Folds of deep blue fabric slid across pale skin without even a whisper as
the moon creature moved through the hallways. His outfit was not the one that Clow had originally given him, but rather, a flowing robe
so long, even the sleeves skimmed the floor. Yue liked this robe, and wore it only when he felt truly
comfortable. It was silk so fine, he could hardly tell he was wearing it, which
was a relief, since he enjoyed the feel of air on his skin. This was why it
hung loosely from his body; there was so much material that he remained
covered, but it was so loose that it did not feel that way. And besides, he
wanted Clow to relax when he ran into the magician.

Clow was closer. Yue did one last mental check to
make sure he�d covered everything, and then resumed his walk down the hallway.
The wooden floors were cold beneath his feet, but he didn�t mind because it
reminded him to keep his feet on the floor. Make Clow
relax. Act more human. He really didn�t like acting against his master�s
wishes. The very idea was still causing sudden shivers down his spine. This
would be the first, and he hoped, the only time he would go against Clow�s orders. But Clow needed a
break. He was so tired lately, he needed this�

Yue almost sighed in relief when he saw Clow
turned the corner a few yards in front of him. Now, he could focus on his
master and not his thoughts. Clow smiled when he saw Yue, and
his half closed eyes opened a bit more when he saw what his creation was
wearing. �Yue, what are you doing on this side of the
house so early in the morning?�

�I wanted to see how you were doing, Master,� he replied softly, and
finished closing the distance between them.

�I�m fine, Yue,� Clow
answered with a smile, and put a hand against the moon creature�s cheek. �I
appreciate your worry, Yue, but I am fine.�

�You�ve been at this for nearly two weeks, Master. Could you not take a
break?� Yue implored softly, keeping his voice strictly
monotone.

The magician paused for a moment, and then brought his hand back to his
side. �I need to get to the library,� he started, but was cut off.

�You need
to go bed.�

�Yue,� Clow sighed,
at once looking as tired as his body must have felt, and then returning to his
facade. �I need to finish what I began. The spell is not complete yet.�

�Surely, if you can walk from one side of the house to the other in
between, the spell can hold long enough for you to rest,� Yue
countered, still monotone, still looking Clow in the
eyes, �Master.�

�Stop this. We both have things that need attending to.� Again, Clow was cut off.

�We do not.
I have taken care of them.� Clow had started to side
step around Yue, but paused and turned back to his
creation with a curious look. �Master, go to your chambers, or I will take you
there myself,� Yue finished, turning completely, and
looking intently at Clow.

The human seemed to be looking for something on Yue,
but not finding what he was looking for. �I have worried you that much?� he
asked softly.

No answer, just a silent gaze.

He sighed, �When I finish, I will go to my chambers and rest then.� Feeling
the conversation over, Clow turned to leave.

Gathering his strength, Yue quickly place his
hand on his master�s arm. He was already most of the way into the spell before Clow realized what Yue was doing.
Then they were inside Clow�s inner chamber, and the
magic had faded away.

Clow was so shocked that his own creation had cast a spell on him without
permission that it took him a full minute before he managed to pull away and
speak Yue�s name in a way that sent a stab of guilt
straight through the moon guardian�s chest. But, Yue
refused to back down now. �Rest.�

�Yue, I said I would when I am finished,� the magician replied,
already rebuilding the defenses he had let down.

�I am your guardian, Clow. You told me to
protect you, and I will, even if it is from yourself,� Yue
said sharply, before picking up his master, and placing him bodily on the bed.
�Rest,� he repeated again.

Clow was sitting upright immediately, �Yue, I
said�!� His reprimand dissolved into muffled noises when Yue
pressed his lips to Clow�s. The magician brought his
hands up in protest, but his wrists were easily grabbed from the air. Yue slid on to the bed, making Clow
lay down, and then lying on top of him.

�Rest now, Master,� Yue repeated, so quietly Clow could barely hear him. The moon creature felt so light,
so soft�it was a weight he had invited many times before, so why was he
fighting it now? �Sleep.� Yue�s
voice was low, soothing�somewhere in the back of his mind, Clow
was telling himself how to break the spell his creature had on him. It was a
spell, after all�right? But, he was tired, so tired. Yes, sleep, you should sleep�

It's true the way I feel

Was promised by your face

The sound of your voice

Painted on my memories

Shafts of iridescent white floated in through the windows of Clow�s bedroom and landed silently on his bed, draping
softly over the two beings that lay there. Yue�s eyes
were still open, though they were slits now, and his wings were spread out on
the sheets behind him. The deep blue silk had slid across his skin, so it
stayed on him now as a sheet instead of clothing. Most importantly, though, was
the thing that shared the soft blanket of blue silk with him. Clow Reed lay still in his arms, breathing softly and
looking more relaxed than Yue had seen him in weeks.

The moon creature smiled lightly when he noticed a faint glow around his
arms. The full moon had come out a few hours ago, giving Yue
a little boost emotionally as well as the other ways it affected him. He�s
going to wake up soon, what are you going to do then? He looked down at his
master, already beginning to stir from his deep sleep. What are you going to
do? Yue gazed at the being in his arms; his
creator was waking up from a peaceful sleep he had induced. It wasn�t a spell,
really, so he technically hadn�t done anything wrong. Clow,
I�m sorry� That thought was the only one he was listening to right then, listening
and looking, and savoring the feel of the moon on his back, and his wings
laying across sheets, of the air on his shoulders and face, and his hair
trapping warmth against his back, but mostly of what it was like having Clow in his arms.

Was I selfish to do this? The guilt of his actions was circling his spine and paralyzing him. Master,
I don�t know what to do� A tear slipped past his eyelids, and then another,
and another until he was crying silently against the sheets. Clow shifted, and Yue adjusted
accordingly, pulling back slightly and trying to stop his tears. The last
thing he needs is you crying. Stop it. The man started stretching out and
blinking his eyes open. Yue pulled his arms back, but
found he couldn�t move farther away.

Clow Reed opened his eyes completely and sat up, looking around. He seemed
drowsy for a moment, before sleep fled and he remembered what had happened. He
glanced down, saw the deep blue fabric across part of his body, and followed it
with his eyes until his gaze landed on his moon guardian laying next to him and
looking up with attentive, clear eyes.

Even if you're not with me

I'm with you

The memory faded
around him, until all he could see clearly was Clow.
Not Clow tired and solemn�maybe even angry�as he was
then, but Clow when he smiled gently with his eyes
closed and head tilted slightly to his right. His Clow; his master. Yue was
drawn to him unexplainably. Or, perhaps not so mysteriously, after all. Wasn�t love
supposed to cross the threshold of life and death? But, he was groping silently
for a past that was just that, the past. And, Yue had
a present to attend to, a mistress to focus on, and he had to�no, he wanted
to�be there for her.

Who are you?

Soft voice, deep voice, and oh, so familiar. The moon creature knelt beside the bed in Sakura Shaoran�s
home. The carpet was soft, and was only barely disturbed by the light and
fading lunar entity sitting on the top of it. His mistress� hand was warm
against his and her clothes an odd sensation that only the touch of
manufactured textures could create. She was speaking to him quietly, telling
him to relax, and asking him if he�d like to sit on the bed.

I don�t understand
you. How could I have thought I knew everything about you?

He shook his head, the soft illumination in the room glinting off long
strands of shredded moonlight that spilled down over his shoulders onto the
artificial covering on the floor. So soft. Yue looked up at Sakura, seeing her and not really letting
the moment sink in. �I would�like to remain on the floor, Mistress.�

You�re wrong. But
then, I�m wrong too, aren�t I?

A silent sigh. Sakura was holding the fingers of his left
hand delicately in her right, and clutching the adornment on her necklace
firmly in the other. Her eyes closed, and Yue watched
as through a veil of the clearest fog. Words slipped past her lips as she
called on her staff, and a gold pentagram like the
back of her cards flashed below them. At once, the moon guardian�s senses were
heightened and he could feel the crawl of wind through his hair, though there
were no drafts. The small warmth of her hand seemed to have expanded to
encompass him entirely. His vision sharpened more than it had already been, far
beyond a human�s capability.

Patterns of ultraviolet light danced across the slender pole of
Sakura�s staff that now stretched easily to its full height without the aide of
the two guardians. They swooped as shadows on the petals of a flower, invisible
to humans. Yue traced the lines of the staff,
searching their origin like a bug for the nectar of a flower. The staff shone
brilliantly in a light that only its lunar watcher could see, and hummed with
an energy he had felt only once before. Yes, she had definitely matured into
her powers.

I believe in your
beauty. I believe in your light, your life, drawn from me as the moon draws
illumination from the sun. You are, too, truly like the moon. It is a thief of
the sun, and you, a thief of me, my soul, my heart.

She had opened her
eyes again, and was looking down at him with an almost concerned gaze. Was he
all right? Should she slow down? Why did he look at her like that? Her eyes
shone with more colors than green to him right then. Indeed, it seemed as
though the light had entered her eyes and met with a soul so strong that the light
shattered into miniscule shards of color that spread out from her pupils. Gorgeous, and only he could see it. It felt like being blissfully
drunk on the moon�s rays once more.

�I love you.�

Lovely.

Yue smiled thinly, but he meant the smile, and
turned his eyes to the floor. Her power, indeed her very self, seemed to be
crawling towards him from the golden pentagram on the floor, and as it crawled,
Yue felt his body go numb. Opposing strands of magic
that had once laid claim to him slipped away easily, only to rejoin with
Sakura�s magic and redouble its speed towards him. At least he would be allowed
the small comfort of knowing some part of Clow�s
magic was still with him. Very slowly, the languid entity loosened his hold to
the physical, and let his eyes drift shut.

You / Now I see / Keeping everything inside

with you

You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes

...worried�love you�

And there he was
again, Clow Reed, the magician, the master, the
monster, the genius. Clow Reed, the man who had lived
longer and done more than any other, blessed or cursed in their humanity, could
rightly know. Could a mortal have truly lived and loved and known this man? It
wasn�t merely his appearance that was ingrained in every bit of memory the
lunar entity possessed. It was his light and his emotions, his little quirks
and gestures. It was simply him in every sense of the word. Such a brilliant life
that demanded, even in death, to be known and loved, perhaps even against its
own wishes.

Forever.

It wanted to be
selfish, to reach across time and space, as it had in the past, and mold
things. To touch and speak with its son and daughter, the two flames lit of his
own light, even as his light shown brightly in two places half the word from
each other. For one moment, he was no longer split. He was no longer far away,
distant, dead. He was Clow, and he was there, holding
Yue gently in the guardian�s mind.

Illusion�forgot�

What else could he do
in return? Yue let himself fall deeply into the
embrace, though he knew it wasn�t true, wasn�t there really. This was what was
left of his Clow, of his master, because after you
died, what more can you be but yourself? No mortal could think of another and
accurately pinpoint the unchangeable, the essence of that mortal. Or,
certainly, no human could. But here, resting silently, selfishly radiating
through the mind of its very creation, was the core of
a man that was very simply himself.

I cannot see them.
Those patterns are for your eyes, not my own. That light is free, and even the
moon cannot steal it.

Through the embrace, another presence could be felt,
creeping up on him. It reached first the edges of his hair that lay now strewn
across a ground that he could not see. It was soaked up like water, passing
through every follicle and on through his clothing until it touched his skin. A
tingling sensation swept through his body until he grew so warm that he was
sure he was burning. He looked up, unafraid, unsurprised, but completely
content to still be able to see so clearly his old master standing there,
holding him, and not saying a single word of comfort, regret, pain, or love.

You think about
whatever you want to! Once you forget, it�s gone for good, and you either join
with it or watch it fade.

Yue�s eyes shot open.

with you

You / Now I see / Keeping everything inside

with you

You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes

Yue followed his master�s movements, and sat up as well. His clothing was
slipping off his shoulders, and his wings drooped from being in one position
for so long, but it did not matter. Clow watched the
fluid movement with a careful gaze. The moon was shinning in through his window
and creating a halo around his already glowing creation. A light aroma was in
the air. It was clear and light, but very intoxicating. It invaded Clow�s senses and made it hard for him to think clearly.

Still, he
was a man of his own will, and as such, was able to clear his mind and narrow his
eyes. His defenses were already up again, and he thought it a pity to need them
active in his own home. �Yue.�
His moon guardian flinched slightly at the tone, but didn�t look away. What had
happened? Before, Yue always deferred to him,
especially when they were alone. But, he couldn�t be angry that his creature
had learned to judge a situation from outside, even if he was still judging
with his emotions. After all, that�s what he was made for�right?

He directly disobeyed me�and he�s not sorry for it. Despite outward appearances, Clow found he was powerfully curious about this. The Yue he created, compared with who Yue
became were two very different creatures. The magician scanned Yue with his eyes and senses, making sure to cut off a
significant flow of the moon�s energies just so he could think clearly. Yue didn�t even blink. Of course, he�s still expecting
more to happen to him, Clow mused, so, perhaps
he hasn�t changed as much as I thought. But�how could I have missed this?

Moving forward quickly, Clow grabbed Yue�s chin a little harshly and pulled his creature�s eyes
level with his. The action seemed to finally startle his moon shadow into
moving. Yue was forced to put his hand on the bed to
balance himself, and blinked in mild shock when his
vision was suddenly filled with Clow�s eyes. After
the initial movement, though, the man stilled until only his eyes shifted every
now and again as if searching for something. His eyes haven�t changed�but
there�s something different there�I used to know him perfectly. Why didn�t I
see this?

�Who are you?�

Yue tilted his head slightly, looking generally confused by the question. No
surprise there. Clow was confused, too. He hadn�t
meant to say that out loud. He watched Yue for a
moment, and then decided to wait for answer, already wondering what it would
be.

�I am whatever you will let me be,� Yue finally
whispered in response, and looked to the bed instead of maintaining eye contact
with Clow.

No, no matter how far we've come

I can't wait to see tomorrow

The magician looked at his creation for a long time before releasing its
chin from his grip and sitting up straighter. Anything I�ll let you be. Clow felt a
sudden urge to confide in Yue all the plans he�d been
making, all the preparations for the future, when he could have a real family,
a real life, and still look after things with his magic. A life with both a
daughter and a son, the only thing he could never and would never create. A human. A life�a life without Yue
at his side, Yue, the creature he made as close to
human as he could possibly dare.

What a fool you are, Clow, he thought wryly. All that time to learn
and all that life spent and you have learned nothing of value. A fragrant
weight settling on him drew him from his thoughts.

Yue had leaned forward, and now had his left hand on the upper part of Clow�s right arm while his head had taken a spot at the
bottom left side of Clow�s neck. Surprised by the
move, the man looked down just as the moon creature gave the base of his neck a
soft kiss. It wasn�t sensual at all, more like saying, �I trust you,� or,
�Thank you.� Clow wasn�t sure which Yue had meant or how.

�Please, Master, there is nothing left but night. Rest
at least that long. I will, of course, defer to your wishes, but I beg
you to rest at least the rest of the night. Let me be selfish this once, and
satisfy my worry,� Yue whispered so softly, Clow wasn�t sure if he had heard anything at all.

�Yue,� he breathed finally, and watched the
guardian lift its head to meet his gaze again, �do you really believe you are
being selfish in doing what you have done?�

�I would not have said it if I did not believe it, Master. Why should I
lie?�

Clow�s eyes widened a miniscule amount when he heard the last
comment. Yue had never before even mentioned lying to
him. It simply had not occurred to the guardian. Now, however, it had not only
obviously occurred to him, but he was also analyzing the idea of it. You�ve
learned so much, Yue, and I cannot help but wonder if
you should have learned any of it �

No, no matter how far we've come I

I can't wait to see tomorrow

With you

��Yue?�
Sakura�s worried voice suddenly invaded his mind, causing Yue
to wince. �Oh, I�m sorry, Yue, are you all right?�

The only thought Yue could process right then was, How
many times am I going to experience this? He moaned in response, and moved
his right hand to figure out where he was. His hand met with the artificial
covering on Sakura�s floor, and when he lifted it, to his mistress� hand. There
was a blankness, almost black, but with the promise of light just beyond his
sight. Slowly, he began to move the other parts of his body, feeling them with
the new energy that flowed through them. Everything felt so weird, distorted,
blurry, fuzzy, and sharp all at once. Had he ever been so disoriented?

�Just relax, Yue,� his mistress spoke quieter this time, and Yue didn�t wince.

This is ridiculous. The lunar being forced his eyes open to a blindingly dark room. He
squinted, but refused to close them again. I was not this way when Clow made me, why am I so weak now? Opening his eyes
completely, he saw the white ceiling of Sakura�s home, then Sakura herself,
looking down at him.

Yue slipped his hand out of his mistress� and
used it to help push himself into a sitting position.
He continued to search mentally for the cause of his disorientation, while
regaining control over his body and powers when an abrupt addition of the
moon�s energies almost sent him sprawling flat on his back again. Luckily,
Sakura had been quick enough to catch him in time. Being held by her made Yue feel awkward to an extreme, but it was better than
knocking his head on the floor.

�I said relax, Yue,� Sakura reprimanded lightly, and gave him a small
smile. �Don�t tell me I have to order you to do that.�

A light smirk tugged
on the moon creature�s lips as he put another hand down, and took his weight
off his mistress� arms; quickly ending his awkward feelings. �I would�relax�if
everything�were normal,� he managed to whisper. His throat was parched. But, why? Did I yell?

His confusion must
have shown, because Sakura shook her head slightly, sat back, and glanced out
the window. �I think it was the moon,� she stated like an answer.

Yue arched an eyebrow and turned around to look
out the window behind him. The moon?

You / Now I see / Keeping everything inside

with you

�Are you sure you want
to�� Shaoran paced his living room, with the portable
phone pressed to his left ear. �I know, but�� Keroberos
shook his head when Shaoran made another exasperated
sigh and obviously tried hard not to chuck the phone into the wall. �That won�t
help things�I know, I know, but�arrrhr! Touya! Will
you listen to me?� he finally yelled into the phone.

�That won�t help things,� Kero grumbled.

Shaoran glared at him.

�You know that just
makes him more stubborn,� the cat muttered, rolling his eyes and setting his
head on his paws.

�Yes, Touya, I
understand. I know, yes, he�s fine as far as I�no, I
haven�t seen him in a while,� Shaoran sighed again,
and rubbed his right temple. Kero gave him an �I told you so� look, which
Shaoran tried his best to counter while still talking to Touya. �Look, it won�t
help things. I�m sure the last thing he wants is seeing any more people�what? Yes, I�m sure Tsukihiro-san
is worried, I�d be, too, if half of me just ran off�no, of course that wasn�t a
joke, Kinomoto-san.� Li�s voice went deadpan. �Look, come if you want, but I
still say it�s not going to help anything. Goodbye.�

The phone hit the couch with a muffled thud.

�You�re actually worried
about him,� the large feline stated while rolling to his side.

�I�m worried for
Sakura. Did you feel that?�

�No�you�re worried for
both of them,� Keroberos grinned, continuing to roll over until he was on his
feet again.

A blush started to
stain Li�s cheeks. �Shut up, I have enough on my mind already. Aren�t you the
least bit worried about what�s happening in there?�

�Not as much as you,�
Kero grinned, and swayed his tail.

�I have a right to be
worried about my wife,� Shaoran sighed, and let his
arms drop to his side in a show of exasperation.

�But you�re not just
worried about Sakura��

Five loud beeps in quick succession.

�Aw! Who is it now?� Shaoran grumbled while turning around to pick up the phone.

You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes

with you

�That is the first
time the moon has ever adversely affected me�� Yue murmured. �Well, it will be
something to remember�for later��

�Are you sure you�re
okay, Yue-san?� Sakura put a hand on his arm. He had sounded so sad for a
minute.

�I am fine, but, if
you don�t mind, I have to be free of this room.� The guardian spoke quietly
while his wings twitched nervously.

�Of course I don�t
mind. Come on, its way past dinner anyway. I�m sure Kero�s about to eat Li,�
his mistress joked and opened to the door.

�What a pity,� Yue
answered dryly, following Sakura.

She laughed and
grabbed his wrist. �Yue-san, I just realized something��

Yue looked at the
cheerful face of his mistress and had to smile, �Yes?�

�You never got to meet
my daughter!�

Yue blinked.

�Yue? Is something wrong?� Sakura paused in the
process of dragging him around just long enough to look up at him.

�Its�nothing,� Yue lied
and shook his head.

�No�it�s something,�
Sakura grinned suddenly. �Come on, what is it?� she
asked again, poking his chest for good measure.

�I just�your daughter is�around five years old?� Yue questioned in response.

Sakura nodded happily,
�Mmhm! You�ve been gone so long, Yue, I�m surprised you know that!�

�Well, it does explain
that horrible haziness I went through five years ago�� Yue said quietly.

��

�Mistress?� Yue leaned down a bit. �Mistress, are you all right?�

�You�� Sakura pointed
at him in disbelief. �There�s no way you felt that!�

Yue nodded and
straightened a bit. �Well, as you can guess, I was not sure myself of what was
going on�having Clow as my first master certainly did not prepare me for�such
feelings.�

Sakura had a look on
her face as if she couldn�t decide whether to gasp in shock or laugh at the
insanity of it all. �I didn�t even�it never occurred to me that you�d�hoe�� she
blinked.

�Another thing to keep
in mind, I suppose,� Yue answered with minute mirth.

�Y-yeah�wow�� Sakura
was staring at Yue with huge eyes. �Considering what I went through, it was
probably worse not knowing what was going on for months on end!�

The moon guardian
tilted his head slightly. �I never noticed how attached to my masters I am. I
think it is because there was a much smaller difference between Clow and me
than�either of us originally thought.�

��Hoe�� Sakura was
looking at the ground thoughtfully, then shrugged and started to lead Yue
again. �Well, it�s probably too late for you to meet her anyway, although she
really wants to meet you.� She tugged on his shirt and grinned, �Nadeshiko can
meet you tomorrow after school. Right now�well�I hope Shaoran
put her to sleep.�

You / Now I see / Keeping everything inside

with you

�It�s very strange,
Shaoran, but I think it will be something permanent.�

�Permanent?� Shaoran was sitting on the couch now,
frowning at the floor and listening to the voice on the other end rattle off
swift but calm Japanese with a slightly British accent.

�I can�t explain it
really, but things have�changed. Ruby and Suppi-chan
have felt it especially harshly. I was wondering if you were having
similar�problems?�

�Yeah,� Shaoran sighed and leaned against the back of the couch,
choosing to stare at the ceiling instead of the floor. �Yeah, Yue�s had a real problem, and we can�t figure out why. He
and Yukito-san�they separated.�

�They what?� Eriol gasped into
the receiver.

�They separated.
They�re two people. Yue doesn�t know why it happened,
but he nearly disappeared because of it. Yukito�s
fine, but, from what Touya�s said and what�s happened
here, I think Yue�s problems are partially his own
fault. Sakura finally managed to support him, though, so he won�t disappear
anytime soon.�

There was silence on
the other end of the line for a full minute before Eriol
spoke up again. �I need to talk with him and Sakura�I�ll be on the next plane
out.�

Shaoran gave a quick chuckle. �You won�t be the only
ones�I�m assuming Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun are coming
as well?�

�Yes, definitely. This is very strange indeed; neither Ruby nor
Suppi-chan were affected so
badly�Keroberos is fine, I take it?�

�Yeah, he�s the same that he�s always been,� Shaoran answered flatly.

�Who else-? Oh, yes, Touya and Yukito must be on their way over as well, ne? Well, in that case, I�ll make sure to get a hotel
room.�

�That�s probably a
good idea. See you in a couple days��

�Good night, Shaoran-san,
and good luck.�

You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes

Sakura�s face popped into Li�s
vision so suddenly he let out a surprised yelp and sat up. Sakura stood up fast
enough to avoid a head on collision and giggled. �Gyah! Don�t do
that!� Shaoran huffed as he spun around.

�Well,
you weren�t answering me,� she answered with a smile, �and I thought you�d want
to know when��

�Yue!� Keroberos
yelled and leapt to the other guardian standing just behind Sakura. �What did
you think you were doing? You had Sakura so worried! Honestly, that�s just like
you to pull something like this��

�Keroberos, if I didn�t know any better, I�d think you were
worried for me,� Yue answered in his usual monotone.

�Yeah,
worried that floating piece of rock finally took its toll on you.�

�Floating
piece of rock?� Yue glared at his counterpart. �That
floating piece of rock is better than a fiery mass that�s whole point of
existence is to burn itself out.�

�Looks
like they�re back to normal,� Shaoran muttered,
shaking his head.

Sakura
laughed, watching the �argument�, �Yeah, how are you doing? And where�s Nadeshiko?� she looked up at him.

�I
sent Nadeshiko to stay at a friend�s house until
tomorrow afternoon. Leila and Nadeshiko get along
well, and I�m sure Meilin will take good care of
her,� Shaoran answered before pulling Sakura off to
the side. �Look, I�ve been on the phone all night with Touya and Eriol. Touya
and Yukito are really concerned about this whole thing, and, even though I
tried to talk them out of it, are going to be here by tomorrow evening. Eriol
called because Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun have had some problems, but he didn�t
mention what, and decided to come over after I told him about Yue. He didn�t
give me many specifics, as usual, but said he�ll be here in two days. This
means, of course, that he�ll be here before then, but will show up around that
time.�

Sakura
patted his shoulder. �Breathe, Li, breathe��

He
gave her a flat glance.

�Okay,
okay!� Sakura held her hands up in a mock surrender. �I heard. I�m thinking
about it. Don�t worry! I�ll get the house ready for visitors
tomorrow morning before I go to work, okay?�

Shaoran sighed in relief, �Good. The next few days are
really full for me.� He muttered and shook his head, �I�m sorry, but you�ll be
on your own for at least tomorrow.�

�It�s
all right,� Sakura smiled softly and turned to look back at Yue and Keroberos,
still very engrossed in their �argument.�
�It will keep me occupied for a while�my only worry is that my house
will be standing when I come back to it tomorrow. I can�t imagine how those two
ever lived together in the first place��
- 3
- 4
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Separation Anxiety