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A Kiss Is Just a Kiss	By : Leesh Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 2809 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
�A Kiss Is Just a Kiss�

Chapter
Three- Consequences

By
darthelwig

��

I
do not own Saiyuki. This story is rated M. SLASH WARNING.

A
minor incident and some major flirtation stir up trouble for the boys.
Sanzo/Goku. Gojyo/Hakkai. Slight Gojyo/Goku.

��..

The
ride to town was� unpleasant.

Quiet.

Tense.

It
was like an invisible wall had been erected around each of them, each man lost
in his own private world.

Goku
hated it.

As
soon as they reached town, he began to babble.

�Man,
those smell delicious! Sanzo, I want one of those!� He pointed as he
spoke, listing everything that looked remotely interesting to him- mainly food.
Sanzo didn�t look, didn�t respond- not even to hit him with his fan for talking
too much.

Gojyo
shook himself out of the somewhat trance-like state he�d slipped into,
determined not to let his inner turmoil show any longer.

�There�s
an inn over there, Hakkai,� he said, one long arm extended to direct his
friend�s gaze.

� I
see it,� Hakkai replied, voice carefully neutral.

Gojyo
wasn�t surprised by Hakkai�s lack of emotion. He knew something was bothering
his friend deeply. So he said nothing about it.

Sanzo
remained quiet.

The
rest of the afternoon passed by agonizingly slowly, each of them going their
own way for the majority of it. They met again only for dinner, which was eaten
in silence for once, the only noise the clatter of dishes and the chatter of
other patrons.

�Gojyo
and I will share a room tonight,� Hakkai said, and Sanzo looked at him in
surprise but still said nothing, merely nodding his head in acknowledgement.

Gojyo
wondered if Hakkai was finally going to tell him what was really bothering him.
He hoped so. He hated to see Hakkai upset. The man was his best friend and they
were as close as two people could be.

Goku
kept eating, but inside he was ecstatic. This was his chance to talk to Sanzo
again. He thought maybe he was close to finally getting through to the man.

This
opportunity wouldn�t be allowed to pass him by.

��.

Hakkai
was sitting on one of the beds in their room when Gojyo went upstairs a little
later. He looked up when Gojyo walked in, face solemn, and Gojyo let the quick
joke on his lips silently die.

�So
who died?� he asked, lighting a cigarette and taking a long, slow drag.

�I
have something to confess,� Hakkai murmured, ignoring Gojyo�s question. He took
a deep breath and stood up, facing his friend, but when he tried to speak his
voice refused to work.

Gojyo
watched Hakkai struggle for a moment before speaking again.

�You
can tell me, you know. Whatever it is that�s been eating at you, I want to
know.�

Hakkai
smiled softly, the gesture at once both genuine and contrived, betraying his
inner confusion.

�Not
that I�ve decided to tell you, it�s much harder to say.� His voice was almost a
whisper.

�I�.
You�. You�re very important to me, Gojyo. I wasn�t going to tell you� until
this thing with Goku came up. It just seemed like something that could wait. I
thought things were okay the way they were.

�Now
I know how foolish I was to think so. I have to tell you, Gojyo. I have to let
you know that I love you before I chance losing you.

�I
have never felt this way before. Not even with Kanan, if you can believe it. I
love her� and I still do� with all
that is pure and good in my heart. But you
know my darkness, and in that
darkness you�re a bright, flaming beacon to guide me. Every part of me- the
good, the bad� the whole of me- knows
your face. And that is how much I
love you. Even the demon within me feels you.�

Hakkai
paused and Gojyo began to speak, but Hakkai cut him off with one upraised hand.

�Please,
let me finish,� he said, eyes pleading for understanding. �I�m not telling you
this to influence you one way or another. That�s not my intention. I�m telling
you this because I needed you to
know. I needed to get this out into the open before anything came between us.
Seeing you flirting with Goku is� painful
to me. I can�t lie about that� not anymore.

�I
just� I wanted to lay all my cards on the table for you so that you know
everything you need to in order to decide what it is you want. I don�t expect anything in return except honesty.

�I
know our few� experiences together
don�t mean you love me in that way. But I needed to make my feelings known to
you. The rest� well, the rest is up to you.�

Hakkai
took a deep, steadying breath, forcing his eyes to remain locked with Gojyo�s.
His friend�s face was a mask, completely unreadable even to him, and the
crushing sense of loss that threatened at the edges of his soul began creeping
over him.

�You
love me,� Gojyo said, voice betraying none of what he was feeling.

�Yes.
I love you,� Hakkai murmured, finally lowering his eyes to the floor. Gojyo
took a drag off the cigarette burning almost forgotten in his fingers and
considered the situation.

�To
tell you the truth, I haven�t given much thought to� us. I don�t know what to say.�

�You
don�t have to say anything, Gojyo. If nothing else, I do wish to remain your friend.�

�Yeah,
we�ve been through a lot together,� Gojyo said, a small smile touching his
lips, if only fleetingly.

�Give
me some time, Hakkai. This is a lot to think about.�

Hakkai
nodded, staying quiet, and Gojyo put out his cigarette. He sprawled on his bed
and threw one arm over his eyes.

Hakkai
slipped out of the room and went downstairs for some air, leaving Gojyo to his
thoughts.

��.

Sanzo
was still quiet and Goku cursed himself for his inability to break the silence.

The
monk stood at the one small window in the room, staring outside. Goku doubted
he could see much. It was too dark outside now, and the window looked like it
hadn�t been cleaned in years.

Goku
sighed and sat on his bed. There had never been a silence like this between
them. Not in all the years they had known each other. It was driving him mad.

An
idea came to him. It was stupid, granted, and almost guaranteed to get him
shot� but it would also be utterly unexpected on his part. He wondered if he
had the guts to pull it off.

He
didn�t search for an answer. Instead he just did what he did best.

He acted.

He
stood and moved towards Sanzo, pulling off his shirt as he went. He dropped it
on the floor in a heap and advanced on the man until he was only a few brief
inches away from Sanzo�s back. The monk didn�t turn around or acknowledge his
existence at all, even though Goku knew very well that Sanzo was aware of how
close he was standing.

�Sanzo?�
he called out, voice low. When he received no response, he tried again.

�Sanzo, look at me.�

�Leave
me alone,� Sanzo said finally, voice hoarse and rough. The monk could see the
faintest image of Goku reflected in the window- shirtless and disheveled and
utterly sexy. He wanted to turn around, so he didn�t.

�Sanzo,
I�m going to tell you something. Don�t get mad, okay? But�
I did this for you. I flirted with
Gojyo for you.�

�What
are you talking about?� Sanzo said, trying to sound dismissive and uninterested
and knowing he�d failed.

�I
wanted you to see me as more than just some annoying brat. I�m not a kid
anymore and my feelings for you aren�t childish either. I�m in love with you.�

�You�re
an idiot.� Sanzo�s voice was tight with some unidentifiable emotion.

�Am
I?�

Goku
put his hand on Sanzo�s shoulder and the monk turned swiftly, brushing it away.
But now they were face to face, only inches apart, and Goku could see the
turmoil deep in Sanzo�s violet eyes.

He
placed one hand on Sanzo�s cheek, and this time the man didn�t brush him away.
The monk was caught by Goku�s golden gaze, fixed to the spot and helpless to
fight back.

�Sanzo,
I love you,� Goku said softly, leaning in to capture Sanzo�s lips with his own.

The
first touch of silky, soft skin was electrifying, and Sanzo let out a small
sound that was half whimper, half moan. Goku let his tongue trace the contours
of Sanzo�s lips, asking for entrance.

Sanzo
didn�t want to grant it, but his lips parted anyway, and he moaned as Goku�s
tongue slipped into his mouth. Then he was kissing the monkey back, his passion
matching Goku�s.

Slowly,
he became aware of Goku�s hands as they traveled over his body, generating the
most delicious sensations in his flesh.

He
broke away, shoving Goku backward. The monkey stared at him, stunned and
disbelieving.

�Don�t touch me!� Sanzo yelled, furious.
Goku�s eyes widened and he shrank back, shocked by the ferocity of Sanzo�s
voice and the anger flashing in his eyes.

�But
Sanzo-�

�I
said no! Do you understand that or is
it too much for your simple brain to
handle? I don�t want you!�

Sanzo
was shaking with the intensity of his emotions. Goku could see it, could see
the undiluted violence radiating from the man, and it scared him.

�How
dare you do this to me? I did not give you permission to maul me!�

�But-�

�No! You are never to lay a finger on me again! Do you understand? If you do, I�ll shoot you.�

�I
thought-�

�I
don�t care what you thought. I�m setting you straight right now. No one touches me like that. Not even you.�

Goku
sat down heavily on the floor, knees too shaky to support his weight. He
watched Sanzo storm out of the room, face a mask of horror.

And
then the tears started.

��

What
the hell do I do now? Hakkai�s in love
with me? When did that happen? And
what the hell am I supposed to do
about it?

Do
I love him? I never gave it any thought before. How do I even know what love
feels like?

I
love my mother. I wanted to make her tears disappear.

And
I don�t want to hurt Hakkai. His pain leaves me feeling so� helpless. Is that
love?

How
the hell am I supposed to know these
things? It�s not like there are instructions,
you know.

I trust Hakkai. I like having him around.
I felt� empty� when I thought he�d
been executed. Could I have loved him for so long without even knowing it? I
can�t imagine my life without him, that�s for sure. He�s just� supposed to be there, you know?

What is love?

��..

What
did I do?

Did
I do something wrong?

Was
touching Sanzo wrong?

Was
kissing him bad?

Did
I hurt him or scare him somehow?

Do
I apologize?

How?

How
the hell did I make such a mess of things?

Will
Sanzo forgive me?

��.

That damn monkey.

He�s
too stupid to live, I swear. He put his hands
on me. His mouth was on me. I didn�t
tell him he could do that.

I
didn�t tell him he couldn�t, either. Not until the end.

He�s
too stupid to know better.

And
I scared him. I think I even scared myself.

Because I panicked. And I�ve never really felt that way before. Well,
not in many, many years, anyway.

And
in my panic, I struck out at him. I hurt him deeply with my fear of my own
passion. I had no idea I could feel
that way. Is that what desire is? Is
it that heat, that deep hunger I felt rising in my stomach? What I felt was so
much more than simple arousal. This feeling� it scared me.

Did
I destroy something precious in my blinding terror of actually feeling?

I�m
such a fool.

I did not want this.

��..

I
am� lost.

Without
my light, there is only my darkness.

Where
do I go from here?
- 3
- 4
- 5
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A Kiss Is Just a Kiss

�A Kiss Is Just a Kiss�