JUST LOSE IT

(A/N) Wow, I am sorry that this chapter took longer than expected. I have been rather busy getting stuff for Uni. You see I am starting in two days and I am sooo scared. But anyway, that’s beside the point. Here’s the fourth chapter, enjoy and, as always, please, please review!!!!!!

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CHAPTER FOUR: I’m Not Okay


The previous night K had stumbled out of the Taxi and up to his apartment in emotional torment.
Emotional torment he couldn’t handle. So he had drowned his sorrows in alcohol. He drank bottle after bottle until he couldn’t see straight and fell asleep of the floor beside his gun.

And while it had seemed like a good idea at the time, numbing him so he didn’t have to think anymore, it had left him with a splitting headache and hangover.
And he felt even worse.

So he was sitting in his office because he couldn’t deal with the noisy practice room at that moment in time. Plus, he knew that Hiro knew. He definetly knew something; he had seen the red haired guitarist look at Tohma in the restaurant, as if he knew exactly what was going on under the table.

And that worried K, because he didn’t know what Hiro would do with that information. Granted, Hiro had always seemed like a nice guy, willing to help anyone. But with a little bit of power, like Hiro undoubtedly now had over K, he could turn nasty. Power did that to people, and K would to anything to stop his dirty and shameful secret getting out. If it did it would be so very humiliating.

He wondered if he should just confront Hiro; ask him to keep it a secret. But no, as much as K could be upfront about most things, his sex life wasn’t one of them. And so he would just be silent and pray that Hiro forgot about it.

K polished his gun absentmindedly. And so onto Judy, he had spoken with her again. She had called him earlier that morning in fact, confirming that she did indeed want a divorce.
In fact, she was planning on marrying Ark.

Of course K would still get to see Michael, provided he was the one that visited him in America and not the other way around.

K had listened to all this feeling rather detached. And then, when the conversation had ended, he had shot the phone. It had felt good at the time. However, he was beginning to regret it now, after all, how was he going to call people?

He would have to buy a new one, which was a shame, as he had really liked his old phone.

K sighed and tried to concentrate on the work in front of him but it was no use. His head was killing him, the pain enough to make his eyes water.

He needed some aspirin and quickly too. Getting up, K checked in the wooden set of drawers at the opposite side of his office. He usually kept some in there, just in case.
True enough, there was a packet, but it was an empty packet.

K groaned in despair and almost shot the poor empty packet. Luckily he thought better of it but that didn’t change the fact that his head was killing him.

He needed aspirin!!!


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“I need aspirin!” He cried a couple of minutes later, bursting into Sakano’s office and holding his gun to the nervous man’s head.

Sakano stared at him in shock and terror. Tears were already beginning to form at the corners of his eyes.

“I SAID NOW!” K roared, feeling the surged of adrenaline rush through him. This was what he lived for, moments like these.

“Y…yes, right…It’s in the drawer over there…I have to get up to get it.” Sakano stammered, looking pleadingly at K.

K nodded slightly and allowed the dark haired man to rise, still keeping his gun trained on him.

Sakano stumbled over to some drawers in the corner of his office, so similar to K’s own. With shaking hands he rifled through the top drawer before exclaiming triumphantly and pulling out a small packet of pills.

“Here!” he cried, throwing then over to K who caught them in one hand. A pleased smile on his face, K lowered his gun and put it back in the holster.

Sakano almost fainted with relief. “Why can’t you just ask for anything normally?” he said irritably.

K grinned, “This,” he said, indicating his gun. “Ensures I get what I want.”

Sakano rolled his eyes and sat down at his desk as K took two pills, using Sakano’s cup of water to swallow them down.

“Thanks!” K said before walking back out of the office.

Sakano watched him go, he was terrified of the American and he really hated it when K pulled his gun on him. Sakano had a very nervous disposition and that really didn’t help.


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K arrived back in his own office a few minutes later, his headache already beginning to fade.

While that was in itself a good thing it did have a bad point. Without his headache there was nothing left to distract him from the other pain inside.

The pain of humiliation.

Humiliation at the hands of Tohma Seguchi and humiliation at his wife leaving him for an idiot like Ark.

K had never imagined that he would ever be in such a situation. He was usually so in control of his life. He was the one who gave the orders, he was the boss. And now…it seemed he was unravelling.

And he didn’t know how to stop it. Tohma had pulled the first thread and now K was falling apart. How could he manage a band in this state?

He had to get himself back on track; he had to sort out all his problems before he became a nervous wreck like Sakano.

He would allow the divorce to take place, K knew that. He wasn’t so upset about losing Judy really. It was more that he was losing Michael, his only son. But he would visit him, after all, since when did the fact that they were in separate countries matter? He could hop on a plane anytime he wanted and see Michael, or he could phone him. That was basically what he did now anyway, nothing would change.

But in his heart K knew that probably wasn’t enough, it wasn’t even enough at that moment. Michael needed a father who could always be there for him, a role model.

Ark sure wasn’t that role model but K didn’t think he was either. Michael deserved better than a father who allowed his boss to screw him and screw with his mind.

And what about Tohma? Was K just going to allow the other man to dominate his life? It wasn’t like K to be so weak but Tohma just seemed to bring the weakness within out.
And K wanted his gun back. The gun Tohma had taken had been one of his favourites, K wanted it back.
He was sick of being controlled. Just because Tohma couldn’t have Yuki it didn’t give him the right to force himself on K.

He had to end it, before it drove him insane or worse…to tears.

K picked up his office phone and began to dial a number, Tohma’s number. As he did so K took in a deep breath, his hands were shaking and he wondered what exactly it was he was doing.

Then Tohma picked up the phone. “Hello?” he said. “Seguchi speaking.”

K didn’t speak, he couldn’t find the words.

“Hello?” Tohma repeated in a moderately bored voice.

K opened his mouth just as Tohma spoke again. “I….”

“Do you want something?” Tohma asked smoothly and K wondered how in hell Tohma had known it was him.

K sighed, he had come this far, it wasn’t in him to back down now. “I…I want my gun back.” He said.

There was a slight pause. “Oh, I see.” Tohma said in a sweetly sickly voice. K could just imagine the awful smile on the other man’s face. “Well, you had best some and get it then”

“Right now?” K asked.

Tohma paused again, “No.” he said. “Come in an hour, I’m too busy for you at the moment.” Then he hung up.

K stared at the phone in his hand, what had he done? Was Tohma really just going to give the gun back? K didn’t think so; he rather thought that Tohma had something else in mind. Well, K wasn’t going to give in this time.


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An hour later K stood outside Tohma’s office, shaking like a madman.

He had been standing outside the office for all of five minutes, earning himself strange looks from the pretty blonde secretary. But K was seriously regretting his phone call, seriously thinking he should just run away.
But he had promised himself he wouldn’t back down and so he wasn’t going to.

K knocked on the door.

“Come in,” a voice answered softly.

Taking at deep breath K entered the large room. Tohma was sitting at his desk, a smirk twisting his angelic features. K swallowed audibly and Tohma’s smirk grew. That was just great, now Tohma knew he was nervous.

K had to get back in control, he had to. They were the only two people in the office, he could do it. Quick as lightning K pulled his gun out of the holster and aimed it at Tohma, all the while keeping his distance from the other man.

“I want my gun back.” He demanded, sounding more confident than he felt.

Tohma laughed.

“And I want you to leave me alone.” K continued, keeping his eyes on the other man.

Tohma laughed again and stood up; pulling K’s other gun out from a desk drawer. He then aimed it at K and walked nearer to the other man.

K was desperate, now they both had a gun. He had no advantage, it wasn’t fair! Tohma’s smirk grew wider. “Put you gun down.” Tohma ordered.

K shook his head.

Tohma’s eyes flashed angrily. “Do you want me to fire you?” he hissed.

K shook his head. He was trembling again. What was it about Tohma that could reduce him to such a mess?

“No?” Tohma repeated softly, “Then drop your gun K.”

K’s mind was frantic, deliberating his situation. He could keep his gun aimed and lose his job or he could just do what ever the hell Tohma said and keep his job. K hated dilemmas that he couldn’t solve with a quick gunshot. He didn’t want to give in but he couldn’t lose him job. He had already lost everything else; his job was all he had. And besides having to work near Tohma, it was a pretty good job.

K dropped his gun and it fell with a soft thump onto the white carpeted floor. Tohma laughed and pressed his gun to K’s temple. K closed his eyes.

“Strip.” Tohma ordered. K froze. What the hell?

“DO IT!” Tohma said menacingly, pushing the gun harder into K’s head.

With the utmost reluctance and disgust at himself K began to loosen his tie. Once it had been removed he began to unbutton his white shirt going slowly in the hope that Tohma would change his mind.

However, there was no such luck. Tohma slapped K in the face with his free hand and K felt his cheek sting. It was too much.

“Hurry up.” Tohma said.

K had no choice. He removed his shirt and then started on his trousers, unzipping the fly and pulling them down, removing his shoes as he did so, all the while keeping his eyes firmly closed. He couldn’t bring himself to look.

Finally he stood in nothing but his navy boxers, his face red with shame and utter mortification at the situation he had gotten himself into.
Tohma tutted softy and K felt the other man’s fingertips brush over the front of his boxers. K bit his lip as he felt himself react to the touch, God, what was wrong with him?

Tohma pressed his palm fully over K’s clothes erection and then took it away just as quickly. K almost cried out.
“They come off too.”

K bent down and removed his boxers, finally standing fully naked in front of Tohma.

“Open your eyes.” The other man said. K obeyed.

Tohma was still pointing the gun at him, a wild look in his large eyes. The other man was wearing a purple shirt and black jeans, the front of which, K noted with displeasure, were tented over Tohma’s straining erection. K closed his eyes and heard Tohma begin to walk around until he was standing behind K.
Then, out of nowhere a blow hit that back of K’s knees and he fell to the floor. Tohma had kicked him to the floor. K scrambled to stand again but Tohma shoved him down roughly.

“All fours little pet.” Tohma said in a singsong voice. K obeyed, hoping to God that Tohma wasn’t really going to do what K thought he was going to do.

Alas God seemed to have deserted him as he heard Tohma unzipping his own fly. K wondered again what he had done to deserve this treatment. Sure, he had wished for a better sex life but he hadn’t ever wanted this. This was torture. K had to try and stop Tohma one last time, before it was too late.

“I know why you’re doing this.” He said, his breath catching as Tohma reached around and jerked K’s cock, another flood of humiliation coursing through him.
“Oh really?” Tohma breathed, his breath ghosting over K’s skin as his own erection came into contact with the long haired man.

K moaned as Tohma played with him, unable to stop the sensations spreading through his body. “You…you can’t have Eiri.” He panted, his arms straining to hold him upright.

Tohma’s hand stilled for a moment but then he increased the strokes, possibly hoping to silence K. But K wasn’t going to shut up; he had to get the words out.

“So…so, you are using me as a substitute. Controlling me because…ahhh…you can’t touch Eiri”

Tohma’s hand left K’s erection then and moved up to encircle the blue eyed man’s neck, squeezing hard.
“And so what if I am?” Tohma asked in a silkily deadly voice. “What are you going to do about it?”

With that he thrust into K without preparation, not caring about the other man’s pain. “Ohhh yes,” Tohma sighed, “You’re so tight…a little virgin.”

K screamed, the pain was unbelievably intense and Tohma was relentless. He thrust in and out as hard as he could, unaware of the tears steaming down K’s face. K hadn’t wanted this, it was the worst thing he had ever felt, the worst feeling he had ever had. Tohma was utterly in control now and K was just a little pawn in his games.

As Tohma rocked harder and harder behind him K felt the pain begin to reside a little, making way for a few small sparks of pleasure. And then Tohma’s hand reached around him again and grasped his softening shaft, stroking it to full length once more.

Soon enough K was panting alongside Tohma, disgusted at himself but unable to control his reactions.

Finally Tohma came, thrusting into K one last time and spilling his seed deep within the other man’s body. K came soon after, Tohma’s hand finishing the job.

He lay on the carpet for a long while, feeling completely empty and numb. Behind him Tohma zipped up his own jeans and put on his coat.

“I’m going to lunch now.” He informed K coldly. “Please be gone when I return.”

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(A/N) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!