Common Ground

Title: Common Ground: Chapter 4 Scorched Earth
Author: JadeHeart
Archived: Found on CLAMPesque Board. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first!
Fandom: X/1999
Rating: R
Warnings: violence, sexual references, angst
Timeline: The battle at Rainbow Bridge.
Pairing: Seishirou/Subaru
Feedback: Yes, please – if you like.
Summary: Subaru and Seishirou meet for the last time
Author’s Notes: As much as it would have been nice to leave the two of them happy in bed, it wasn’t to be. So this story is my version of what is going through their minds during the battle at Rainbow Bridge.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this, they are all CLAMP’s, nor am I making any profits from this.

The wind whipped around Subaru, flapping his coat out behind him. He raised his cigarette to his lips, drawing deeply, then exhaled, watching the smoke swirl away from him into the darkness.

His injured eye throbbed dully. He had long ago given up taking the pain killers. They only dulled his mind. He could live with the pain. It was, after all, only physical. Nothing compared to the emotional pain he had borne for so long.

He took another drag on the cigarette, the end glowing red in the darkness. The distant sounds of the city drifted over the water, fog horns sounding forlornly in the night, like lost souls crying out.

He felt a swift stab of pain in his injured eye as the cold wind bit through the protective bandages, aggravating the damaged nerve endings.

He hadn’t passed out when the other Kamui had taken his eye, stabbing fingers downwards and thrusting through flesh. There had been pain, tremendous pain, agonising pain, shooting through his brain and every nerve in his body, wrenching a choked cry from him.

But he had still remained conscious, as the other Kamui had released his limp body to fall to the ground. Then the man had calmly turned his back and walked away from the injured Dragon of Heaven, as though in granting Subaru’s wish his work, for the time, was done.

Subaru had staggered to his feet, dragging his bruised and battered body towards the equally abused body of /his/ Kamui. He had cradled the boy in his arms, the blood from his damaged eye dripping to fall and mix with Kamui’s, streaking and pooling around them both.

He had clung to that small damaged body in his arms like a lifeline, guilt eating at him. Hold on, Kamui, he had pleaded over and over again in his mind. Don’t give up. Not yet. You can’t go yet.

He had failed. He had failed to protect Kamui as he had promised he would do. He had failed to protect the boy from pain. Failed because he had allowed himself to be distracted, taken in by an illusion.

Why?

He was only too familiar with illusions. One whole year of his life had been nothing more than an illusion, until the harsh reality at the end shattered it. Illusion was the trademark of the Sakurazukamori, and he was only too familiar with that entity in all ways. He should not have crumbled so simply, his concentration should not have given way so easily.

But it had. That brief false glimpse of a beloved face, bringing memories of one perfect night flooding through his mind, and his concentration had broken, his inner balance lost, and his power shattered. He had not been able to protect Kamui. Couldn’t even protect himself.

And so Kamui bled in his arms.

Illusions were all he had left now, he thought, willing the boy in his arms to continue to live. He could not protect Kamui, he could not protect this world, no matter how much a part of him wished to. He was damaged beyond repair, his wish the only thing that was keeping him in this world, in this place. He could not continue like this. It was coming to the time of the Final Battle, the fight for the end of the Earth. He didn’t know who would win. In many ways he did not care. But he did not want harm to come to Kamui.

But for all of his wish for no harm to befall others, his heart was too heavy to do anything more but cry out for his own release. It had been too long, too many years of going through the motions of living when he felt like he was nothing more than a shell.

He had remained on that rooftop, bleeding, cradling Kamui in his arms, until help had arrived, rushing them both to the hospital, but he had known there was nothing to be done. His eye was gone. He was blind. Deep in his mind he had known the other Kamui had struck true. How else could he have claimed to have granted Subaru’s wish unless he had done the job properly?

He had awoken later to find Kamui at his side, the boy clasping his hand tightly.

“Stop worrying,” he had said, trying to reassure the young boy. “I’m alright.”

“I’m sorry,” Kamui had tried to apologise, his eyes showing his guilt.

Subaru couldn’t let him continue to suffer for his own folly, wouldn’t let the boy feel guilt for something that was not of his making in any way.

“It’s not your fault. I got exactly what I wished for.”

He saw the confusion in Kamui’s eyes at his words but didn’t explain them to him. It was too complicated, too personal, and something he couldn’t share with anyone, not even Kamui. Not now. Not after having spent that one night with….him.

He could no longer protect Kamui. The boy would be safer without him. He had others to care for him. He could not let Kamui rely on him, could no longer offer that help and assistance, for he knew he could no longer give it. It was time to pursue his own path.

Subaru raised a hand to lightly touch the bandage wrapped around his head. It was only fitting in many ways, he thought. It had been the wish of a sixteen year old boy who had agonised over the fact that someone he had cared so deeply about, had lost so much for him. It had been with this guilt that he had made that wish. To wish to share the suffering of that person. To feel the same pain, to be like him in every way he could. That person. Seishirou Sakurazu. The Sakurazukamori.

Subaru took a final drag on the cigarette and dropped it to the ground. He took a step forward, his boot crushing the last glowing ember from the butt under his heel as he stepped out onto the bridge. Soon. Soon it would be over.

**************
Seishirou lit up a cigarette, shielding the flickering flame of the lighter from the wind as it raced across the open expanse of water and wrapped around him. He thrust the lighter back into the coat pocket, leaving his hand there in the warmth, the other taking the cigarette from his lips. He blew the smoke upwards, watching it catch in the wind and blow away quickly.

He stood there in the night, just smoking. There was work to do but he was in no hurry to rush things. It was a nice night.

The lights outlining the frame of the bridge cast a soft illumination over the area he was standing. There was no traffic. There had been roadworks scheduled and the bridge was closed for these repairs. All was silent. It seemed that he was the only person left in this world. Well, if the Dragons of Earth succeeded, that is exactly what could come to pass.

He flicked the cigarette away, watching the wind pick it up and fling it across the road, to disappear over the edge towards the water below. Seishirou stepped forward onto the bridge.

As he slowly walked across the bridge, he sensed another presence. He could see nothing, but he knew that presence. Subaru, he thought, you are here. He felt his heart beat faster. He wanted to see him, see that familiar face. A flash of fire swept through his body, accompanied by the memory of long, slim fingers trailing over his face, lips pressed against his, tongue delving deeply into his mouth. He shivered under his coat. Not from cold, from desire. He kept walking.

In the distance the shadows moved. A figure was walking towards him, pale coat flapping in the wind. He watched the person draw closer, taking slow steady steps. He didn’t change his own pace. They continued to walk towards each other, drawing closer, the distance decreasing with every pace. He could make out Subaru’s features now, could see the white bandage wrapped around his head, stark against the young man’s dark hair, hiding one of those emerald eyes. Eyes that held so much and hid so much. Eyes he had seen dilated with passion, glazed with ecstasy, filled with desire and demand.

Subaru stopped, and Seishirou took another few steps to bring him directly opposite. Neither of them spoke. Seishirou slowly reached into his coat and took out a cigarette, bringing it to his lips. Subaru raised his lighter, Seishirou dropping his head a little, bringing the cigarette end closer to touch it to the flame, the flickering light racing over his face.

Subaru watched the play of shadows over the other man’s features. Dark and light, how appropriate for the Sakurazukamori.

Subaru let his eyes trace over those familiar features, committing them to memory all over again, feeling his heart lurch in response, wanting to reach out, to touch and hold. His hands ached to feel that skin, to trace fingertips over those expressive lips, feel the tongue slide over his hand, sucking each finger into that warm mouth. He felt his body begin to respond to that thought and clamped down on it. It was not to be this time. So he did nothing, except drop his hand and slip the lighter back into his pocket.

Seishirou walked by him, brushing past his shoulder, almost close enough to touch. He could smell the aroma of Seishirou’s cologne, a fragrance that he remembered clearly. He had smelt it on the clothes when he had been clasped against the other’s firm body, smelt it on the skin when he had buried his face into Seishirou’s neck, had smelt it as he had run his tongue up that long white column and kissed the ear. Smelt it, and the scent of arousal that had also been present. His arousal. And Seishirou’s. He stood still, thinking, remembering, longing.

Seishirou continued walking past him, he could hear his steps behind, then after about a dozen more, they stopped.

Seishirou had watched Subaru’s face from behind his dark glasses, seeing the flame from the lighter reflected in the other man’s one visible eye.

Subaru said nothing, showed nothing on his face. But that wasn’t surprising. Seishirou had come to realise now that Subaru was very good at keeping his feelings and thoughts hidden.

He had been surprised when he had awoken, the morning after that night. Surprised because he had awoken to find himself alone. Subaru was gone, the only evidence he had ever been there was his scent on the sheets wrapped around Seishirou. That and the signs of release over Seishirou’s body. How Subaru had managed to leave the bed, let alone the apartment without Seishirou’s knowledge was puzzling. There was certainly more to Subaru than met the eye.

He walked past the young onmyouji and continued on further, before stopping and taking the cigarette from his mouth.

“I’m finally able to see you again, Subaru.’ he said, not turning. “You haven’t changed a bit,” he said over his shoulder. “You’re just as cute as ever.”

Lightening flashed downwards, rending the darkness, the air grew heavy as the storm clouds built in the air, heralding a storm. Seishirou felt the building of power and turned just as Subaru flung his ofuda outwards, with a surge of power aimed directly at where he was standing.

He raised his cigarette and drew a pentacle in the air, the red glowing emblem burning in the night, and blood dripped as the shikagami struck the shield and shattered. Subaru leapt backwards, and Seishirou watched as a barrier field was raised, stretching out and enclosing the entire bridge area, shutting the two of them inside.

Seishirou lashed out in response. Cables broke free, flicking and twisting, wrapping around everything as they tumbled to the ground. The two continued to battle. Light posts crumpled and exploded, raining glass downwards, the remaining light glinting off this deadly shower of destruction. The ground below their feet heaved, groaned as if in pain, exploded upwards. The bridge swayed as its supports were shattered, one by one, pylons crumbling, debris raining down to splash into the dark waters below.

Black and white ofuda flashed out, colliding, sweeping, swerving, racing across the intervening distance between the two combatants. Both men gathered their power around themselves, raising arms and flinging it outwards. The blasts met in the centre, struggle again each other, neither gaining supremacy, and like the meeting of matter and anti-matter, they exploded in searing brilliance.

The two men gazed at each other across the battlefield of destruction that littered the distance between them. Neither spoke.

Seishirou could see that the ends of Subaru’s bandage had come loose. Not surprising with the level of activity they had been undertaking. The ends fluttered in the wind around Subaru’s head, flicking backwards and forwards. The sight of the bandage offended him. It marred Subaru’s beauty, that natural perfection that Seishirou had always admired and sought to possess.

Seishirou looked into Subaru’s eyes. Where before two emerald orbs had always looked back, now there was only one. The other, a milky whiteness, almost startling in contrast against the green of the other. He didn’t like to think of what had happened to that other.

Seishirou had watched the battle from a distance. He had been watching Subaru since that night. The night that now filled his mind, and hours, with images, thoughts, sensations …..feelings. He found he could not help himself. He /had/ to watch Subaru, know where he was, what he was doing. He wasn’t there all the time, of course, certainly not always in person, but after only a brief interval he would find himself stretching out his senses in search of that ever so familiar presence.

He was not surprised to see Subaru rushing to the aid of Kamui. He was not surprised at the ferocity of the attack. He had experienced that power himself. He was not surprised at the carefully planned trap Subaru set. A smile had curved his lips. That had been a clever piece of work, a credit to the young onmyouji master.

But he was surprised when he saw Subaru falter in his attack, falter and fall to the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth.

He bit down on the cigarette. What had happened? Subaru was stronger than that. He /knew/ he was! That trap had been perfect! If Subaru had held it and continued the assault there was every chance he could have defeated the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth. What had gone wrong?!

He saw Subaru on his knees, his Kamui towering above. He saw the hand raised, striking downwards.

The cigarette split. No! He couldn’t! Subaru was /his/!

He felt his heart lurch with….he didn’t know what.

Subaru!, his mind cried out in fury, power building in his body.

But he was too far away to do anything. He would never get there in time. No!!

But then he saw that the hand was not striking at the heart, not the killing blow as he had struck so many times. It lashed downwards towards the face. Why? What was Kamui doing?

He could see, over the vast distance, the fingers thrust into Subaru’s eye, and his hands clenched as he felt an almost corresponding flash of pain in his own blind one. One hand involuntarily came up to cover the old injury.

He stood there breathing heavily, heart pounding, feeling a bead of sweat slip from his temple. He could still feel that throbbing, that remembered pain when the scalpel had slashed out, the blood dripping down his face, robbing him of his sight forever.

Why? Why was he remembering this, feeling this? It was long gone, far in the past. A different time, a different person.

Gradually the phantom pain disappeared. He dropped his hand to his side. He gazed back over the distance, seeing Subaru crumple, his Kamui simply walk away. He drew his dark glasses out of his coat pocket and slipped them on, covering his sight, one good, one gone, as the barrier field slowly faded away. He lit another cigarette and inhaled deeply, just as he heard a light footfall behind him.

“You saw it, didn’t you?”

Seishirou didn’t turn to face his Kamui.

“I suppose you knew that I’ld be watching?” he questioned, cigarette still between his teeth, hands thrust in his pocket. He carefully kept his anger hidden. It would not do to show it to his Kamui. He was powerful, but so was this Kamui.

“So. There is a connection between you and that Dragon of Heaven after all.”

“That’s right.” he replied. It took all his will power to not let a hint of threat colour those words.

‘His wish was to be sightless in his right eye, just like you are.” Kamui said.

Seishirou blinked behind his glasses. Subaru’s wish? Was that what he had meant when they had met at Nakano Sun Plaza? It didn’t seem right, it seemed almost too trivial. Subaru’s great wish was to be blinded? He mentally shook his head. No, something wasn’t right.

The Kamui of the Dragons of Earth could feel the flicker of emotions coming from the Sakurazukamori. He couldn’t read thoughts, he didn’t have that ability but he could ‘sense’ things, and what he sensed the most was people’s wishes, their deepest, often darkest, desires.

He had seen Subaru’s true wish, and realised that nothing he did could grant that. There was only one small wish , buried deep in the back of Subaru’s subconscious that this Kamui had seen. And that was one that he could grant. So he had.

He looked at the back of the man before him, the dark coat billowing around him like black wings of a bird of prey. This was a very dangerous man, a powerful man. He was curious about the feeling of anger coming from this man. He had sensed it, even across the distance, even through the battle as he had struck at the head of the Sumeragi, maiming the Dragon of Heaven for life. That anger had been powerful, fierce…..possessive.

Curious.

What was the Sakurazukamori’s wish?, he wondered.

He looked deep. It was difficult. This was not an easy man to read. This man was used to hiding, remaining unnoticed, unseen, hidden in shadows and a swirl of sakura blossoms. This man wove illusions around his very essence as easily as he did with reality. Kamui caught only fleeting glimpses, sensations. White skin….blood…heat …flesh…cherry blossoms…want….desire…need…togetherness…completeness.

A smile curled Kamui’s lips. So, that was his wish. Kamui swallowed his laugh.

So be it, he thought. That Dragon of Heaven and the Sakurazukamori walked a parrel path. He wondered what would happen when these two opposites collided. For that was the only destiny these two could have. Pulled together, drawn together by the very forces that also kept them apart. And only one would have their wish granted at that final meeting.

“But only you can grant his true wish, the one closest to his heart.” he continued saying. “You see, Subaru’s true wish is something quite different than you think.” And with those parting words he left the Sakurazukamori standing there in the rain.

Seishirou turned his head as his Kamui left, hearing those final words. His true wish, he wondered, glowing ash drifting away. So that hadn’t been Subaru’s real wish. He hadn’t thought so. He knew of his Kamui’s odd power – this ability to see people’s wishes and he gladly granted them. Especially if they led to more pain and suffering and despair.

So even though this wasn’t Subaru’s real wish, it must have been made at some time, otherwise his Kamui would not have seen it, wouldn’t have bothered acting upon it. He wondered when Subaru made that foolish wish, gazing across the distance at the destruction there, seeing the pale colour of Subaru’s coat flapping in the wind as he held his young Kamui in his arms.

Always rushing in to help, Subaru, he thought to himself, always throwing yourself in harms way for the sake of someone else. No matter how hard you try not to, you still do.

He had realised that Subaru was giving his all for that boy. A flash of jealousy rushed through him. Did Subaru care for that boy? Was there something more there than just Subaru’s innate caring for all things in pain and needing help? Something other than Subaru’s duty as a Dragon of Heaven?

He quelled that feeling quickly. No matter. Subaru was still /his/! No matter who else there was, Subaru would /always/ be his!

So what did his Kamui mean just then? What was Subaru’s true wish, the wish that only he, Seishirou, could grant? And what had his Kamui meant when he said that it wasn’t what Seishirou thought it was?

He knew Subaru’s real wish. It was to kill him, the Sakurazukamori, the man who had killed his twin sister, Hokotu. That was obvious. Should be obvious to anyone, especially the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth. What else could it be? After all, that made perfect sense then that therefore Seishirou would be the only one who could make that wish come true. If Seishirou was to die.

He brushed his Kamui’s comment aside. He was obviously just playing with him, trying to twist and confuse things. It was, after all, another speciality of his also.

Seishirou dropped his finished cigarette , watching it flutter downwards to be lost in the darkness. He pulled his coat around him against the wind and rain and left his high perch.

The dust hung heavily in the air around the two combatants. Subaru’s single emerald eye looked back at Seishirou intently, but it wasn’t with fury, or anger. There was determination, calmness. And a sense of …finality, fulfilment. Seishirou didn’t understand that last.

Still maintaining eye contact with Subaru, he raised a hand with a smile and the air was filled with sakura blossoms. The winding limbs of the cherry tree reached out to ensnare Subaru, binding him, wrapping around him like the limbs of a lover. Like Seishirou had wound around that lean, muscular body, warm flesh beneath his hands. He felt a jolt of jealousy that his Sakura was touching Subaru so closely, in a way that he wanted only himself to ever be the one to do so.

Subaru kept his eyes fixed on the man below him as the ensnaring branches dragged him upwards, constricting his limbs. It was only an illusion. Still dangerous, but only an illusion. He closed his eyes in concentration and a white ofuda appeared in his hand. He wove his spell into the paper and deliberately sliced it across the soft pad of his thumb. The drop of blood touched the Sakura tendril, releasing the power centred there and breaking the spell. The trailing branches of the Sakura blackened and crumbled, drifting away. He dropped to the ground as the world returned to normal, although the sakura blossoms continued to rain down.

He looked up to where Seishirou stood, unmoving. “You don’t have to use spells like this.” he said calmly. “I’ve been trapped by the cherry blossoms ever since that day.”

Seishirou started in surprise. No-one before had escaped the clutches of the Sakura, yet Subaru had managed to do so, breaking through his illusion. Could he have broken through because he had already accepted his fate as the Sakura’s victim?

The young man stood there before him, completely calm, fully in control. He watched the loose ends of Subaru’s bandage flapping in the wind, flicking around his head.

“The Kamui of the Dragons of Earth told me that I’m the only one in the world who can grant you your true wish.” Seishirou said, reaching up and removing his glasses.

“However,” he continued. “he also told me that this thing you’re wishing for isn’t what I thought it was.” Subaru said nothing. “I know that your true wish has always been to kill me. I’m right, aren’t I?” Seishirou looked at Subaru across the distance separating them, certain of the answer. His Kamui had been so very wrong.

Subaru’s bandage came free fully, unwinding itself from the dark head, releasing the silken hair, like an actor unmasking before an adoring audience. Seishirou followed its path as it was picked up by the wind and blown away, past him and disappearing into the darkness.

“No.” came the surprising answer, completely unexpected.

Seishirou started. What?! He must have heard wrong! Of course, Subaru wished to kill him! Why would he /not/?! But Subaru’s answer was firm, filled with certainty and his voice matched the look in his eye. Subaru truly meant what he was saying.

Then /what/ was Subaru’s true wish? Seishirou found his mind racing, searching. If Subaru didn’t wish to kill him, what could it be? And how was it that only Seishirou could be the one to grant it?

What…what…what….his mind stilled for a heartbeat. Only…that. There was only one thing then, he thought. If Subaru didn’t wish to kill him, he would still be wishing for his death. Subaru would still want revenge for his sister’s murder no matter what. And Seishirou did have the means of granting that.

So, Seishirou thought, a smile curving his lips. This is finally the time. His mother had told him on that day, the day he had taken her life, and therefore taken on the mantle of the Sakurazukamori. She had said that he would die by the hand of the one he loved the most. He hadn’t believed her then, hadn’t even thought about it during all these years. He was the Sakurazukamori, he couldn’t love anyone so how could it ever happen the way that she said? He had completely dismissed it from his mind.

Now he could hear her faint laughter in the back of his mind. She had laughed when he had said it wouldn’t happen to him. Laughed as she had told him that she, too, had once thought that. Laughed because there she lay in a pool of blood, cradled in the arms of her son, the one that she said she had loved the most though she had never thought she could. The one who had killed her.

Seishirou’s smiled deepened. Yes, mother, you were right. Just as you always were. I will be killed by the one I …..love.

He felt a sense of release inside him at this admission, a sense of fulfilment, of completeness. He thought back on the night he had spent with Subaru. Now he could admit to the emotions he had experienced during that time. He could bring them out, lay them side by side with the memories. Each emotion added to the depth of those images, heightening them in his mind, colouring them. He felt his mind and body wrap those memories and emotions around him like a blanket.

Yes, he loved Subaru. When it had happened, he didn’t know. Had it occurred during the year of the bet and he hadn’t recognised it back then? Is that why he failed to kill Subaru at the end of that year? Or during the intervening years? Or had that feeling of love grown more fully when they had met at Nakano Sun Plaza? For that was the day that had brought them together again and led to that wonderful night, a night which he had never experienced the like before, and had never wanted to let go. But Subaru had slipped through his grasp then, leaving him without a word.

Yes, he loved Subaru, and so wanted to do everything he could for him. And the greatest thing he could do, was to grant Subaru’s one true wish.

Subaru leapt high into the air, coat flapping out, eyes staring intently into Seishirou’s face as the other leapt skywards to meet him. Two sets of eyes looked deeply into each other, one emerald, one golden, two white. Opposites, twins, halves, whole.

Seishirou raised his hand, a smile still on his lips, looking down into Subaru’s face. My gift to you, Subaru, he thought, and his hand struck downwards.

Subaru’s eyes widened in knowing. He saw the killing blow coming towards him, filling his sight. Finally, he thought, finally I will find peace.

He kept his eye fixed on Seishirou’s face, that beautiful face, more dear to him than any other. His hands knew every contour of those features, the warmth of the skin, the slight roughness of stubble come morning. He could feel the strength in the body before him, the strength behind the hand striking towards him. He knew the power in that body, the way it felt as it pressed against his, the heat, the velvet skin, the shape of the muscles. His whole body flushed at those memories. Yes, this was right. For his last thoughts to be filled with Seishirou, filled with the memories of making love to him, of being made love to.

The hand struck true, thrusting through flesh and muscle, a killing blow, a mortal wound.

Subaru stood in shock, frozen. The wind whipped around him, tugging his coat out behind him.

The tableau held for a moment more. The wind suddenly dropped, silence surrounded them. He pulled his hand from the warm body before him. It had thrust through the body fully, fingers and hand protruding from the back. He felt the scrape of bone, the sucking of the flesh clasping his arm as he withdrew it. He could feel the stickiness of the blood coating his hand, the metallic smell in the air filling his senses.

He grasped Seishirou to his chest, trying to take the taller man’s weight as he crumpled, holding him closely, mind spinning. What could he do?! His coat was pulled from his shoulders, tight in Seishirou’s grip as the man before him fell to his knees.

“Why, Seishirou?!” Subaru choked out, tears forming in his eyes, his voice breaking with emotion.

“Because of the very last spell cast by your sister, with her last breathe.” Seishirou said softly, face pressed against Subaru’s chest, feeling the heart pounding under his cheek.

Subaru started. Hokotu? She did this? How? He listened in stunned silence as Seishirou told him. He should have realised, he thought. He should have known that Hokotu would not have just gone blindly to her death, not unless there was a very good reason. And she would never, never, have just given up without a fight. She would have had some sort of plan. She had always been the strong one, far stronger than he.

As he softly spoke, Seishirou let his mind drift back to that time, remembering Hokotu. He remembered holding her body in his arms, as her life bled out of her.

He remembered her saying, “I’m rather fond of you.” she had told him with a small smile.

He hadn’t understood that. How could she still feel that for him when he had just killed her, cut short her life for nothing but a whim? Hokotu had always puzzled him. She had seemed to know that he wasn’t what he had pretended to be during the year of the bet. There had been more than one time when she had let him see a flicker of that knowledge, a touch of warning given.

Yet she had allowed him to remain in their lives, allowed him to keep up the fictitious act he was playing, allowed him to flirt and court her brother. She was usually so fiercely protective of Subaru in all other ways, and yet she knowingly allowed him to remain, although she knew he was possibly a danger to Subaru. He had not understood that. Until perhaps now.

He had listened to her cast the spell, her reasons why she was.

“Why tell me?” he had asked her.

“Now I can trust you one last time.” she had replied, gazing up at him, still smiling.

He had still been puzzled and her smile seemed to deepen a little, as though understanding his puzzlement better than he did. She reached up, her small hand resting on his cheek, cold and growing colder as her life ebbed.

“I want to believe in you. Don’t forget that. There are sins which you can’t regret enough, but there isn’t a soul on earth who isn’t allowed to love someone. Seishirou.”

He felt the hand slip from his skin and fall lifelessly to the ground. The eyes closed for the last time, and the blood ceased to flow.

Subaru clasped Seishirou to him. He couldn’t let him go, he /wouldn’t/ let him go! He could still feel the warmth of the other’s body, even through his clothes. His tears fell through Seishirou’s telling. There was no subterfuge, nothing hidden. Seishirou was telling him everything. Everything he had wanted to know, of Hokotu’s last moments, what she was thinking, what she was feeling. What she had wanted. Hokotu, he whispered in his soul, calling out to her in pain. She had tried to do everything in her power to help him, right to the very end. She hadn’t wanted it to end like this either.

He clung to his lover, speaking, explaining and never condemning. “I had wanted to rip you out of my heart, erase your existence in my life, but I couldn’t.” he said brokenly. “So I decided that I wanted you to kill me, even if you forgot after. At least I’ld die by your hand.” He dropped his head, sobs shaking his shoulders.

Seishirou smiled to himself. Oh, the irony of it all, he thought. The Kamui of the Dragons of Earth had been right after all. Subaru’s true wish hadn’t been what he had thought it was. He hadn’t thought that Subaru had wished to die. But more than that, wished to die only by his hand. He was sorry he couldn’t have granted that wish. But then, he couldn’t help the thought that rose to the surface, if only he had known, realised sooner what his feelings truly were and come to Subaru. Then…then perhaps they may have…could have had…..he sighed with regret. They had such a short time together. One night, one night only.

He felt Subaru’s tears falling on his head, the sobs shaking the body he clung to. He could feel his limbs becoming heavy, his thoughts drifting. Poor Subaru, he mused, I’m sorry to leave you again. I’m really not good for you, am I? He couldn’t leave his young lover like this. He had to say something, make him truly understand.

“Come to think of it.” he whispered into Subaru’s shoulder, “you would never be able to commit yourself to killing someone. It’s simply not in you. You are…you are..” and he raised his head to look up at Subaru’s tear-streaked face with a smile, a smile that Subaru had seen so many times during the year of the bet whenever Seishirou had seen Subaru come into view, a smile of kindness and joy. “truly a kind person, Subaru.”

Subaru couldn’t stop the fresh flood of tears from flowing, looking down into that beloved face. He felt Seishirou struggle upwards on his knees further, leaning closer towards him.

“And I…..” Seishirou said, moving closer again, “And I do……”

Subaru heard the words whispered in his ear, softly, gently and full of an emotion that he had never dared believe he would ever hear from this person. An emotion that he hadn’t thought this man could know, feel or ever understand. An emotion that in the depths of his heart he had always longed for but thought was forever out of his reach.

And now….now of all times, he heard it. He heard those words that would have made his entire life worthwhile, everything he had endured and suffered he would gladly have gone through it all again, just to hear those words.

Seishirou’s body collapsed, falling to his shoulder, the dead weight dragging him to his knees. He clasped that body tightly to him, fingers clenched in the coat, digging into flesh that could no longer feel.

Tears ran silently down his face, his heart breaking all over again. The pain he had felt when he had been sixteen was nothing compared to what was shattering inside him now.

For now he had the final truth. It had been in his grasp, and now it was ripped away from him. Completely, utterly, with no hope ever of returning. Now he had nothing, for not even his one true wish had been granted, now could never be granted because the person who could have fulfilled it was gone. He was now truly, and utterly ….alone.

He wrapped his arms around the cooling body, no longer feeling it breath, no heart beat within the chest. He hugged it closer to him, winding himself around it, not wanting to ever let it go. The tears streamed down his face, falling on the dark hair he buried his face in, body shaking with wrenching sobs.

“You….never…say what I expect you to say….do you?’ he sobbed to the spirit that was escaping its mortal confines.

And the barrier shield dissolved around them as Subaru’s heart broke again.

~End~