The Key to My Heart

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 4
Author: JadeHeart
Archived: Found on gurabiteshiyon.net. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first!
Fandom: Gravitation
Rating: R
Warnings: Bad language mainly
Timeline: After the anime/manga finishes.
Characters: Yuki, Tohma, and original character, FBI Agent Jim Harris (yes, he’s all mine!)
Feedback: Feedback is always welcome!
Summary: Just how far would Yuki go in search of Shuichi?
Author’s Notes: thanks to Kikumaru Eiji & Ultimecia029 for the feedback. I know that some people probably either don’t like, or think it was trite, to use the scenario of the terrorist attack, but I couldn’t think of any other scenario that would have made it so difficult for Yuki to find out about Shuichi.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to the creators of ‘Gravitation’, nor am I making any profits from this.

The Key to My Heart: Chapter 4


Yuki leant on the railing, cigarette dangling from his fingers. A light breeze ruffled his hair lightly, flicking strands into his eyes. Jim’s bungalow was set in a quiet location, looking out towards the ocean in the distance. It was peaceful here, quiet.

Yuki lifted the cigarette to his lips, before letting his hand drop again. A gust of wind knocked the ash away, leaving little more than the butt.

He could hear the low drone of Jim’s voice as he continued to speak on the phone. Since arriving home, the man had been closeted in his cluttered study, alternatively pacing with phone in hand, or sitting with feet propped up on the desk, scribbling notes. Yuki and Tohma had left him in peace.

A soft step behind alerted him to the presence of another.

“You need to get some rest.” Tohma said, leaning on the rail next to him.

Yuki tossed the butt over the rail to the ground below him, watching it fall. “Not tired.”

He reached into his shirt pocket to bring out his cigarettes, clasping the end of one between his teeth and drawing it out. A hand reached out and removed it from his mouth. He turned to look at Tohma.

“Give. That. Back.” he snarled.

“No.” Tohma said firmly in his quiet voice, and crushed the purloined cigarette in his hand.

Yuki felt his own hands clench into fists, as rage began to boil to the surface. Tohma remained standing where he was, radiating calm.

“You need to sleep, Eiri, whether you like it or not. You haven’t slept for almost two days. You’re completely strung out and doing nothing more except run on adrenalin at the moment. And eventually even that will give out. You wont be doing anyone any favours if you collapse.”

Yuki slowly released his clenched hands, turning away from his brother-in-law’s penetrating look.

“Can’t.” he finally admitted.

A hand reached in front of his eyes, palm up. Nestled on the flesh were three small white tablets. “Take them.”

Yuki looked over at Tohma.

“Don’t worry. They’re nothing more than rather strong sleeping tablets. Mika gets them for me.” he smiled slightly. “She says that at least she knows where I am after I’ve taken some of these. That’s in bed, and asleep.”

Yuki looked down at the pills again, lying in Tohma’s rock steady hand. It wasn’t that he was averse to taking pills. Gods, with all the medication he had been on at one time, he had taken so many over the years that there had been days he positively rattled! But part of him still hesitated.

A part of his mind didn’t want to take them. It was as though he felt that if he closed his eyes, even for a moment, he will have forgotten Shuichi. If he did that, Shuichi would be lost to him. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t lose him.

“Take them, Eiri. It’s not going to be an easy time for anyone from here on. You’ll need all the strength you have, and that means looking after your body’s needs. Right now, it needs sleep.”

Yuki said nothing. Made no move to take the proffered pills. Should he? Could he just go to sleep? That seemed just so….wrong. Not now, not at this time. He had things to do. He had to find Shuichi. That is why he was here.

“What do you think Shuichi would want you to do?” Tohma’s voice cut through his thoughts.

Yuki felt his eyes burn. Damn Tohma! He always played so bloody dirty! Yuki reached up and grabbed the pills. Tohma held out a glass of water, and watched as Yuki placed the tablets in his mouth and washed them down.

He handed the empty glass back. “That was a dirty trick.” he said roughly.

Tohma inclined his head as a slight acknowledgement to the accusation. “Maybe, but it’s also the truth. Don’t you think?”

Yuki turned away and walked into the house, heading for the sofa. He stretched himself out on it, cushion behind his head. The early afternoon sun shone through the glass doors. Yuki watched the shadows, and never knew when he drifted into slumber.

The first thing Yuki felt was pain. Right through his neck. He groaned and rolled over, only to find himself falling and landing with a hard thump on his shoulder on the floor. He groaned again. What the hell…?!

Groggily he sat up, running a hand through his hair, trying to gather his thoughts. Floor. Sofa. Ah, yes, sleep. That was it. He heard the sound of a door opening and a sliver of light broke the darkness of the room he was in.

“So you’re finally awake!” Tohma’s cheerful voice called to him. He crawled up onto the lounge again to peer over the back to where Tohma was standing in the doorway. He suddenly laughed.

“What’s so bloody funny?!” Yuki groused, feeling out of sorts.

“You!” Tohma said with a broad smile. “You’re not just not a morning person, Eiri. You really just don’t like waking up, no matter what time it is!”

“Speaking of, what is the time?” Yuki said, rubbing a hand over his face and feeling the rough stubble on his chin.

“It’s nearly 10pm. You’ve slept for almost 10 hours. How do you feel now?”

“Like shit.”

“Now that sounds more like you. Are you hungry?”

Yuki thought about that. He didn’t think he was, but then his stomach growled audibly enough for Tohma to hear as well.

“I think that is trying to tell you, yes, you are. Remember what we talked about before?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Yuki waved a hand dismissively.

“Good. Go and get a shower and freshen up. We’ll eat when you’re done.”

Yuki dragged his body to an upright position and began to walk to the room that he and Tohma were sharing. There were only two bedrooms in Jim’s place, so they had taken over one between them.

His legs felt like they were rubber, both trying to do their own thing, and neither wanting to work in concert. Damn pills!, he muttered to himself, unzipping his bag. He reached in to grab some clothes. It would be good to have a shower, he had to admit. Perhaps that would make him feel a little more human.

He pulled the article he gripped out, and froze. Hanging in his hand was a sweatshirt. Bright orange, rather trendy, nothing like his usual clothes in any way at all.

Shuichi’s. It was Shuichi’s. A flood of memories washed through his mind. Every time he could recall seeing his partner wearing this item. Every action and motion of the body that it had hung on. The expressive face, the cheerful smile.

He dropped the sweatshirt, and it fell to the bed in front of him. He was shaking, his whole body was shaking so hard. He wrapped his arms around himself, holding himself tightly, squeezing, trying to stop himself flying apart into a thousand shattered pieces. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the splash of orange lying there.

Where was he?! Oh, for gods sakes, where was he?! Why wasn’t he HERE?!!

Yuki fell to his knees, arms still clasped around himself, as tears ran down his face.

Tohma was a little concerned. Yuki had been in the bedroom a long time, longer than it takes to just get a change of clothes and head for the bathroom. He started to move towards the room, but then hesitated. Should he interrupt him?

He heaved a sigh. He really didn’t know what he should do in this situation. He didn’t know how much comfort he could, or should, try to give. Or was it better to just let Yuki sort things out in his own way, and just be there for him when he was needed. That was probably the answer.

Tohma had resigned himself a long time ago now, that he was no longer the one that could give Yuki what he needed. Maybe he never had been able to give Yuki truly what he needed. The only person who could do that was Shindou. So the only thing that Tohma could do was do everything in his power to give back to Yuki that one thing. He would give Shindou back to Yuki.

If he could.

He turned away, and then heard the click of a door, and glancing over his shoulder saw Yuki’s dark shadow disappear into the bathroom. Another crisis past. At least he was up and moving. One day at a time was all any of them could do.

Yuki tilted his head back, eyes closed, letting the water stream over his face. He consciously made his muscles relax, one at a time, concentrating. He turned and brushed the wet hair from his face and took a deep breath.

He had to remain calm, focused. There was going to be a lot of work to do. Jim had told him it wasn’t going to be easy to find Shuichi. Not with all this shit going on about terrorism. They were going to have to do a lot of digging, a lot of checking, and probably breaking a lot of rules as well.

He was still a little surprised that Jim was helping them. To do so he must be putting his job on the line. Yuki didn’t think the FBI would take too kindly to one of their operatives doing this sort of thing. Why would Jim be willing to risk that for them? Did Tohma have some kind of hold over the man? In some ways, Yuki wouldn’t put it past his brother-in-law. Few people realized just how damn ruthless Tohma Seguchi really was. He may look young, but he had a mind as sharp as a razor, and sometimes not too many morals to go with it.

However the relationship between Jim and Tohma didn’t seem to be one based on coercion. There definitely seemed to be friendship there. It must be one hell of a friendship for Jim to stick his neck out this much for Tohma. And for Yuki.

Yuki shook his head, droplets spraying across the shower screen. Well, he’ll probably never know. Tohma complained that Yuki never let anyone in close enough to know what he was thinking. Well, that was a bit like the pot calling the kettle black. For Tohma was a complete enigma, and always had been. He only ever showed people exactly what he wanted them to see. No more, no less.

Yuki turned the shower off and dried down quickly. Once changed, he made his way to the kitchen. Lights were now turned on in the lounge. Obviously they had left it in darkness to allow him to continue to sleep.

He pushed the swing door open and entered the warm, aromatic room. Tohma stood at the stove, stirring a pot. It was a familiar sight for Yuki, the only thing missing was the apron. As though reading his mind, Tohma turned with a smile.

“Sit down, Eiri. Everything’s ready. I keep telling Jim he should have an apron in the house. I didn’t really want to have to start doing too much laundry as soon as we arrived, but here I am, splattered with grease already.”

“Hey, I’m a macho man!” Jim spoke up, from where he was sitting at the table in the middle of the room, shuffling through papers before him. “Macho men don’t wear aprons! That’s for sissies!”

“Then I guess you don’t need to eat.” Tohma said mildly, beginning to dish up.

“Okay, okay. You’re not a sissy, never a sissy! You’re as macho as me. Even if you do have a pretty face, skin as soft as a woman’s, and pounce around in frilly clothes and colours no decent man would wear!”

“Just because you are so sadly lacking in good taste, it is staggering to think that any woman would even dream of looking at you once, let alone twice. Oh, but then, that is probably why you don’t have a girlfriend”

“Ouch! Low blow, Tohma!”

Tohma placed a plate in front of Jim, smiling. “You should know better than to try and get the best of me in a verbal fight.”

“I know! And I can’t best you in a physical fight either because I’d be too afraid of messing up your good looks!”

Tohma flicked his head in a cocky gesture. “It’s a curse some of us have to live with.” and he turned back to pick up the other two plates and placing them on the table.

“Is he always this insufferable back home?” Jim asked Yuki.

“Yeah.”

“Huh! Should have guessed!”

“Bon appetite!” Tohma said, raising his fork like a victory sword, and they settled down to eat.

“Hey, this is good! You weren’t kidding when you said you could cook well!”

“Of course not. You know I never kid about important things.”

“Maybe I will marry you, Tohma. Wouldn’t you like to cook and clean for me?” Jim batting his eye lashes at Tohma, failing completely in being seductive. Tohma was far better at it in Yuki’s opinion.

“I think Mika would have something to say about that. You would have to be the one to face her and tell her you were stealing me away.”

Jim sat back in his chair and held up both hands in mock surrender. “No way! Anything but that! I would move heaven and earth to make you mine, Tohma, but there’s no way I’ll face Mika when she’s pissed off!”

“Then I think we’ll have to postpone the honeymoon a while longer.”

Jim sighed heavily. “The story of my life. So many missed opportunities.”

“Anything further?” Tohma asked as they continued to eat.

Jim swallowed and spoke. “A few bits and pieces. I’m waiting for a call that should come through tonight.”

Yuki glanced up at the clock. It was after 11.00pm now. Jim caught where he was looking and said “Yeah, I know it is late but most of the people I deal with don’t exactly work 9 to 5. They’ll come through.”

“And what is it this call will tell us?”

“Maybe. Just maybe, where the survivors are.”

Yuki felt his heart clench in his chest. Could he be that close now? Could it be that tonight he would finally know?

Tohma pushed his chair back and stood. “You two go. I’ll clean up in here.”

“You don’t have to do that, Tohma. You cooked, I can clean up later.”

“Jim, you hate doing such things as dishes at the best of times, and it is precisely because I did cook that I shall do the cleaning. After all, it is my mess, isn’t it?”

“Tohma..”

Tohma made a shooing motion at them both as he collected the plates. “Go on. It wont take me long.”

Jim shrugged and stood. “ Okay.”

Yuki left the room and headed into the lounge. He pushed the sliding doors open and exited to the deck, hand reaching for his cigarettes immediately.

“You really are a heavy smoker, aren’t you?” Jim said quietly as he joined Yuki outside, holding out a bottle of beer to him.

Yuki lit up, the small flame illuminating the darkness of the night, and accepted the drink. “Sometimes.”

“Yeah. Guess this sort of thing is one of those ‘sometimes’.” He tilted the bottle up and drank, then moved to sit down on one of the chairs there.

Yuki took a drink also, remaining standing where he was, looking out into the distance. Shuichi was out there. He was out there somewhere. Yuki would find him. He took another drag on the cigarette.

Jim pushed the ashtray closer to Yuki. “Try not to make a mess of my place, will you?”

Yuki raised an eyebrow at the man. He hadn’t seen Jim smoke, yet he carried a lighter and had ashtrays around his home. Jim smiled crookedly at him as though reading his mind. “You’re right. I don’t smoke. I gave it up five years ago.” He shrugged and took another drink. “It doesn’t bother me if others do, so don’t be concerned.”

“I wasn’t.”

Jim threw back his head and laughed. “Yeah, I guessed you’re not exactly the kind of guy to be too worried about offending someone!”

A companionable silence settled over the two men for a moment, before Jim spoke up once more.

“You’ve got a lot of guts to just drop everything and come over here like this.” Jim’s quiet voice drifted over to him. Yuki turned and looked at the man. “Not everyone would you know. A lot of people would just stay home and wait for the authorities to tell them what was going on. He’s pretty special to you, isn’t he?”

“Got a problem with that?”

“What? That it’s a guy you’re chasing?”

Yuki said nothing, just raising his bottle to his lips for a drink. Jim did the same and then spoke again.

“Look, I don’t have problems with that sort of thing either way. Nothing to do with me what your personal preferences are. Besides, I’ve met plenty of gay guys, worked with a number, and they’re completely okay blokes. Could still go out and have a beer with them. Gay, straight, bi, whatever. It’s all the same to me.” Jim had another drink.

“I still think that it’s really something that you think he’s that important that you’re not willing to just sit back and wait for things, but to come over here and make it happen. That’s really something in my books.”

Yuki walked over and sat in the chair next to Jim.

“Isn’t helping us interfering with your normal work?” Yuki finally asked, breaking the silence that had settled again.

“I’m on leave.”

“This is your idea of a holiday?”

Jim threw a smile at Yuki. “Generally I just stick to fishing!” Jim took another drink and continued. “Anyways, I could hardly in good conscious stay at work, when I’m doing this sort thing under the table, so to speak. So the simplest thing was to just take some of my leave now. Tohma’s going to owe me big time for using it up!”

“I’m sure he’ll make it worth your while.” Yuki said dryly, drawing on his cigarette.

Jim looked steadily at Yuki. “If you’re talking about money, I’m not doing it for that. Don’t ever think I am.” There was steel in his voice, the first Yuki had heard in his brief association with the man. “But you are wondering why then, aren’t you?”

Yuki shrugged. “None of my business.”

Jim laughed, without humour, and took another drink. “Then that’s fine, ‘cause I don’t want to tell you.”

“Whatever.”

“Okay then. Just as long as you know that it has nothing to do with money. I’m doing it for my own reasons, and because Tohma asked for my help as a friend. Fair enough?”

“Suits me.”

They sat in silence again. Suddenly the stillness was broken by the harsh jangling of the phone. Jim and Yuki shared a look, before Jim stood and walked back into the room, passing Tohma on his way. Tohma turned to watch him disappear into his study, before turning and joining Yuki. He sat in Jim’s now vacated chair, saying nothing.

The minutes seemed to stretch out longer and longer. Jim still hadn’t returned, even after there was no longer the sounds of voices from the study. Yuki smoked another cigarette, his guts churning.

Finally there was the sound of footsteps, and Tohma and Yuki turned their heads as one towards them. Jim stood in the doorway.

“Get a move on. We’ve got a plane to catch.”

“Where?” Tohma asked, standing quickly.

“Washington, DC. I’ve made arrangements for the flight from here to hold for us, but if we go now we should just make it in time anyway.”

Yuki pushed past Jim, heading for the bedroom. Jim watched him go with a small sad smile before turning back to Tohma.

“Good thing you boys hadn’t unpacked!”

Tohma was still standing in place. “What else?”

Jim looked steadily back at him, face somber. “We’ve got something.”

“What?”

“There are only 7 survivors. One’s already died since their evac.”

“And?”

“From what my contact could find out at this stage, is that it’s not looking good for any of them.”

“I see.” Tohma said quietly, looking down. Then he raised his head, expression neutral once more, and walked past Jim, shoulders almost touching in passing.

“What are you going to do?” Jim asked him quietly. “Going to tell him?”

Tohma paused. “No.” he said firmly. “Let him hold onto his hope for as long as he can.”

“That could be pretty cruel.”

“Perhaps. But at the moment, that hope is all that is keeping him going.”

“Yeah.” Jim agreed in a soft voice, and Tohma continued on his way.

Jim stepped out further onto the deck, looking out into the night. Yuki’s discarded cigarette rested in the ashtray on the table. Jim walked over and picked it up. He looked at it, the smoke drifting lazily away with the breeze, the sudden glow from the end as the wind fanned the embers. He hadn’t smoked for five years. Not since…..

He lifted the cigarette to his lips and inhaled. He held the smoke in his lungs for a moment, habit taking over, then blew out slowly, forming a perfect smoke ring. Yeah, he hadn’t lost his touch. He watched it drift away, disappearing quickly.

Time to go, and he ground the butt into the ashtray, then turned and walked away.