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My Sun, My Supernova	By : ditchgospel Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 3283 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
My Sun, My Supernova

Chapter 4

Overflow

Three more days pass, and the weather in the village remains oppresively hot
and heavy. Sanzo's sessions with the mystic continue relentlessly, twice each
day, and have left him exhausted as a result. Each time seems to trigger a
splitting headache along with the memories that it conjures up in his mind,
memories that are more like haunting spirits that refuse to be ignored.

Most of his time awake is spent either staring off into space, hopelessly
lost in images and thoughts of the distant past, or in meditation, when he
manages to pull himself back to reality enough to concentrate on attempting to
make sense of all this disjointed information his mind is receiving.

As for Goku, he's starting to worry that maybe this wasn't such a great idea
after all. But Sanzo is obviously determined, so what else can he do but stand
by and watch, hoping that everything turns out alright and Sanzo eventually
finds whatever it is that he seems to be seeking.

XXX

The evening of the third day, not long before Goku knows Sanzo will be going
out to meet with the fortune-teller again, finds the two of them sitting in
their room quietly, as has become the routine. Sanzo is sitting at the little
table, Goku on the bed, their usual positions, when Goku's ears perk up at the
sound of Sanzo's voice. Sanzo seems to be mumbling something to himself, but
Goku can't quite make out the indistinct words.

"Sanzo?"

There is no response as the muttering continues, gradually becoming clearer
as Sanzo seems to become more intent on what he is trying to say. Listening to
Sanzo talking to himself in such a strange and uncharacteristic manner invokes
an uncomfortably eerie feeling in Goku, and the words aren't making any kind of
sense that he can fathom at all.

"No, no, no, it wasn't, it was him. Konzen, not Sanzo. I
didn't have a choice. I would never... No! It wasn't me, it wasn'... NO!"

Goku flinches in alarm when Sanzo suddenly shouts out the last word before
lapsing into silence once again, breathing heavily as though stressed.

Goku softly calls out to him from across the room, his voice pitched high
with audible concern.

When he still gets no response, he can't bring himself to just leave it at
that. Getting up from the bed, he crosses the room until he stands just behind
Sanzo's chair.

"Sanzo?"

At the sound of Goku's voice, Sanzo jumps and turns to him with a startled
expression, as if he hadn't even been aware of Goku's approach. For a moment
they just look into each other's eyes, each searching the other for answers to
questions left unspoken. Then, Sanzo squints those brilliantly coloured eyes of
his as if trying to see something that isn't clearly visible, and slowly raises
one black-gloved arm. For a moment, Goku thinks he's going to be hit, but
instead, Sanzo just grabs a hold of Goku's shirt, twisting the fabric in a
tightly clenched fist.

The look that he has glued on Goku is so intent, so deep and searching, it
makes Goku's head swim. Sanzo's lips begin to tremble slightly, as if he is
trying to say something but can't quite make his mouth work enough to get the
words out. After a moment, he seems to give up the effort, his face going blank
and hard. The intensity of his eyes diminishes, although it doesn't vanish
entirely. His grip on Goku's clothing loosens, and he gives Goku a slight push
backwards and away, turning his head and averting his eyes from the baffled
boy.

For a moment, all Goku does is stand there, troubled by uncertainty and
concern. His heart skips a beat as he realizes what he is about to do, before
tentatively reaching out and placing a hand upon Sanzo's shoulder. Beneath his
touch, Sanzo's body tenses and pulls away reflexively, but not enough to
disengage the contact.

Encouraged by the relative lack of anticipated negative response, Goku builds
up his resolve and speaks.

"Sanzo, I know you don't wanna talk 'bout it, but... is it really that bad? A
fortune's supposed to tell the future, right? Whatever it is... even if it's bad,
I'll still be here. You won't have to face it alone."

At his words, Sanzo just turns to look at him, and his eyes are so absolutely
haunted that it makes Goku's heart wrench in his chest.

"The future? Alone... No, no, this is the future, Goku. And you were
there, but I wasn't. I left you alone. I couldn't...Shit! I
can't, fucking can't!"

Sanzo shakes his head furiously, blond hair tossing into his face like wisps
of fair silk, and brings one fist crashing down onto the table with a frustrated
bang.

Confused, Goku steps back, his hand dislodged from its place on Sanzo's
shoulder. He can only stare at his saviour as a bewildered witness to his
internal struggle.

Internal struggle. Sanzo is waging a war with himself, wanting to
explain to Goku, explain everything, that he hadn't meant to abandon him,
that that was the last thing he ever wanted to happen, and, most importantly,
that he is so sorry, but no matter how hard he tries to force the words
out, they simply refuse to come. Through it all, Goku is still just standing
there with that innocent look on his face, with those huge, shiny eyes, so full
of care, and suddenly he just can't take it any more. This is just too much, too
soon. What Sanzo needs is for Goku to get out of his face, not to confront him
about this right now.

He's not ready for this yet.

So, with a few deep breaths, he manages to get a shaky grip on his emotions,
steeling himself for what he must do.

"Goku. You're bothering me. Go to bed."

"Sanzo?"

"I said leave me alone. Can't you listen when you're told what to
do?"

Swallowing a sick feeling of disappointment and dismay, Goku turns and walks
to the bed, feeling like a lump of bruised clay beneath Sanzo's harsh refusal to
accept any kind of reassurance from him.

Goku has his own makeshift bed set up on the floor, but since they've been
sharing this little room the last few strange days, it has somehow ended up not
being used beyond the first day. Sanzo has neither the energy or the heart to
fight or argue about sleeping arrangements, and, much to Goku's shock, has
simply given up on trying to kick him out of the bed at night.

To Goku, pretending like he wants to steal the bed is just a matter of
course. He never even seriously considered for one split second that Sanzo
wouldn't be the one to get it. But last night, Goku had wound up unexpectedly
lying with Sanzo next to him, although Sanzo hadn't ventured to share the space
beneath the cover. He had come home after his evening session and just passed
out without so much as a word shared between them. Of course, this new
arrangement is fine with Goku, better than fine. In fact, all day has found Goku
looking forward to a repeat of last night, when he had lain awake, filled with
wonder as he gazed at the other man's sleeping face, enjoying his close proximity
and the rare chance to just admire him to his heart's content.

Now, with a last streak of stubbornness born from a desperate desire to hold
onto something that he has gained, he refuses the voice in his mind that tells
him to retreat to his original place on the floor, and resolutely, if a little
hesitantly, takes his place in the bed. Sanzo voices no objection, and he is
thankful for that tiny blessing.

To Goku, it feels over these past few days as if something specialis taking
place. Hehas actually started to feel closer to Sanzo than he ever has before,
in a way that he doesn't even know how to describe, except that it feels nice.
It feels right. Now, however, he can't help wondering if maybe Sanzo
doesn't think it feels so nice As he lies here, buried under the cover, he
wonders if maybe Sanzo thinks it's wrong.

Eventually, just as the lump in Goku's throat is becoming so large and
uncomfortable that he feels he might choke, Sanzo stirs from his place and
gathers himself to leave for his meeting with the lady in green.

As the door clicks shut behind his escaping form, Goku finally lets go of the
deep sigh he has been keeping in his throat, and sucks in a long, shaky breath
of miserable air.

XXX

She is so close now, so very close to what she seeks. This has turned out to
be much more difficult than she ever imagined it would be, but the end is
finally drawing near. And her subject is so intent on receiving the knowledge,
that it has become easier to gain access to his mind. Sanzo is gradually
surrendering his will, submitting to the process, which is in itself not an easy
thing for him to do.

Although she is so weary now, after these several attempts,still she
stretches her abilities to the limit once again, reaching deep.

Right there, right...

There.

Breakthrough!

She has managed to establish a direct link with the past life!

A rush of exhilaration washes over her as she realizes that her efforts have
finally been successful.

At the same moment, Sanzo suddenly fully awakens to the past.

He remembers everything now.

He can even see Tenpou and Kenren, and he knows who they are.
Everything is clear, in agonizing detail. Heart stopping, soul wrenching,
excruciatingly painful detail.

A scream shreds through his throat, as his body arches up in a futile attempt
to escape from the bonds of truth. Then, he goes still and blank, as his mind,
overloaded by this torturous assault of knowledge, drops into
unconsciousness.

On the verge of collapse herself, the green mystic suddenly begins to fret.
Yes, she has found the key she was searching for, the one that will open the
door to Sanzo's soul, and allow his control to be lost from within, allow him to
be destroyed according to Lady Gyokumen Koushu's wishes. This is all that she
had been told to do, nothing more. The rest, she has been told, is not up to
her. It is beyond her.

But what, then, is to happen next?

Her heart pounding violently in her chest, she begins to feel her flesh crawl
and tingle with an unearthly sensation of dread. She watches, in ominous
bewilderment, as a small trickle of blood begins to flow from the afflicted
priest's nose. At the same instant, a red drop falls from her own nostril onto
the back of her hand.

It's getting harder to breath now, and her breath comes in small hiccupped
gasps. She can only stare in morbid fascination as Sanzo's body begins to tremor
ever so slightly.

As the truth behind what is happening begins to dawn on her, her eyes grow
wide in horror. She tries to scream, but cannot find enough breath to do so. She
starts to crawl towards the door, knowing it will do her no good, that she
cannot escape, and then, with a long, gargled gasp, she collapses onto the
floor, and moves no more.

Simultaneously, the trembling of Sanzo's body ceases, and he goes absolutely
still.

A silence hung heavy with suspense permeates throughout the room.

A gasp of breath, and amethyst eyes snap open. A small smile touches Sanzo's
lips. Slowly, carefully, he stands, straightens out his robes, wipes the blood
from his face with the back of his hand, and walks to the door. As for the woman
lying on the floor, he passes her by without so much as a glance.

A storm is approaching in the night as he steps out into the street. Thunder
cracks in the distance, promising a downpour to come. Sanzo pauses to stretch
his muscles and light a cigarette, and to see him now, you would think him not
at all concerned about the prospect of rain.

XXX

Goku is asleep when Sanzo returns to the room, curled forlornly under the
cover, wrapped in his unhappy slumber.

Sanzo approaches the bed and stops, head cocked curiously to one side. He
stands for some time observing Goku as he sleeps, almost as if he is seeing
something about the boy that he has never noticed until now. Eventually, a
satisfied smile crosses Sanzo's features, and he steps closer.

Goku is breathing evenly, one hand clutching the pillow in a loose grip.
Sanzo tenderly brushes Goku's soft brown locks back to fully expose his sleeping
face. He lets his fingers trace over the gold coronet around Goku's head, and
trail lightly down one cheek to brush against his lips.

Then, quickly, mercilessly, he yanks the cover off of Goku's body and roughly
pulls him onto the floor, kicking him aside with one booted foot.

Rudely awakened, Goku stares up at Sanzo confusedly from the floor.

"Sanzo? What... "

Sanzo's words, when he speaks, make Goku want to choke.

"Didn't anyone ever teach you that animals belong on the floor? Honestly, you
disappoint me so, Goku."

Strangely, it is not so much the words themselves, but the way in
which they are spoken, that strike at Goku's heart. The tone of voice is so
casual, so relaxed, so without any trace of anger that it sends a chill up
Goku's spine.

And then Sanzo laughs, and the sound is low and rich and utterly cruel.

Goku feels he might die, right here on the hard floor at Sanzo's feet, for he
has always longed to hear Sanzo laugh. Always, but not like this, not like
this.

He can only remain lying where he has been kicked to, listening as Sanzo
prepares himself for bed, waiting for him to fall asleep so he can start
breathing normally again.

Thunder sounds distantly, and it relaxes Goku a little. Perhaps it's just the
effects of the approaching storm and the anticipation of rain that has Sanzo so
upset. Perhaps that's all it is.

But oh, it can't be just the rain. The session must have gone very badly
tonight. Perhaps Sanzo has found out something terrible. Tomorrow, resolves Goku, he will find out what it is, so that
he can help his sun to overcome it.

Sleep does not return quickly, and truthfully, Goku almost doesn't want to
fall asleep, because he doesn't want the morning to come, afraid of what kind of
ugliness its light may reveal.
- 3
- 4
- 5
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My Sun, My Supernova