Realities of Life

Disclaimer: Gravitation is not mine and I make no money from using the characters.

NC17

If you have time, please review.

Realities of Life

Chapter 4

Love Will Tear Us Apart

When the routine bites hard
and ambitions are low
And the resentment rides high
but emotions won\'t grow
And we\'re changing our ways,
taking different roads
Then love, love will tear us apart
again


I sat in the only chair occupying the room and watched as my lover dressed himself in typical show gear. The outlandish costumes he wore on stage were always androgynous and showed too much skin. Tonight’s little outfit wouldn’t disappoint in either aspect. It even included a pleated, knee length, bright purple skirt, which Shuichi assured me was something called a utilikilt. He could call whatever he wanted, but it was still a skirt to me. I observed with interest as he slid his perfect, naked ass into a pair of Lycra shorts first.

“What are those for?” I questioned, simultaneously lighting a cigarette and trying not to seem too engrossed.

“Why Eiri,” my lover smirked at me, “you wouldn’t want me to handspring across the stage with nothing on underneath the kilt would you?”

“Huh,” I grunted at him, “sort of defeats the purpose of a skirt.”

“Kilt, Eiri,” he corrected me with a smile. “But out of curiosity, in Yuki Eiri world, what would the purpose of a skirt be?”

I took a drag off my cigarette and met his sparkling eyes, “Easy access.”

His smile disappeared and he nodded, “Of course.” He pulled on the skirt, “You are the horniest person in the world, Eiri. Don’t you ever get enough?” He buckled on a series of black leather belts of varying sizes and lengths.

I shook my head, “Not as of yet.”

He became completely unreadable, but his voice was laced with bitter sarcasm, “Well, it’s only been about six minutes. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait a couple more hours before you get anymore. That is, if you can.”

Huh. Now what was that all about?

After pulling on a snug, cropped, black tank top, he looked in the mirror. “Well, that’s not going to cover that up,” he said as he touched the angry red mark I had given him at the juncture of his neck and shoulder.

I took another drag off my cigarette, silently and childishly pleased by the mark. Take that, Inoue Kyosuke.

Shuichi shrugged dismissively and sat on the arm of the chair to put on his jump boots. Continuing to watch him, I idly ran my fingers through his long, fuchsia-tipped hair, soothing both of us.

I felt better about our relationship than I had earlier that evening. The verbal exchange with Inoue, and my subsequent conversation with Tohma, had really rattled me. I wasn’t certain that I should have pushed so hard to know details of Inoue and Shuichi’s past relationship. That knowledge had the unwanted effect of throwing me into a full-blown panic.

However, I found that after demanding that Tohma take me to Shuichi, charging in to his dressing room, and fucking him like I was some crazed, uncontrollable animal, I did feel better. Of course, maybe it was just the post-coital endorphins working on me.

My wild insecurities came down to the fact that I didn’t really know Shuichi anymore. The broken and guarded man that held his heart apart from everyone was so different from the carefree kid I once knew. He could be hostile, suspicious, and skittish now. His smiles were harder to come by. He was much more solitary. He was also quite capable of doing without me now and was no longer afraid of being alone.

Conversely, I was sure that my reappearance frightened the hell out of him. His attitude towards me had an edge to it. He spent a lot of his time pushing me away and a lot of what he said to me was meant to be spiteful and harsh. It was as if he expected me to leave him again and was attempting to hurry the process along.

I couldn’t fault him for it. His heart was bruised. The last thing that he would want or need would be another emotional wound.

The envious child in me did wonder how badly Inoue’s departure had hurt Shuichi on top of my own. Between the two of us, we seemed to have done a number on the poor kid. That was obvious enough from Shuichi’s recent displays of careless, outrageous, and dangerous behavior.

Inoue was right. Even though it killed me to admit it, Shuichi didn’t trust anyone anymore.

Finishing with his boots, Shuichi stood and kissed me, “Well, I’ll see you after the show.”

I shook my head and grabbed his arm, pulling him into my lap so that I could kiss him deeply. When I released his mouth I announced, “I’m coming with you.”

He looked deep into my eyes and nodded his acquiescence. I’m not sure what he saw in my eyes, but I saw pure confusion in his. Was he confused about me wanting to stay with him or about Inoue? I didn’t know the answer, but I was very sure that I would go crazy if I continued to second-guess everything like this.

“We better go before that lunatic manager of yours comes hunting,” I grumbled as I pushed him off of me.

He stood and took my left hand, turned it, and touched my freshly scabbed palm, “I love you, Eiri.”

I had to swallow hard before I could answer, “Me, too.”

He held my hand as led me from the room and down the corridor to a room with a hastily scrawled sign that read “Makeup.” Stepping into the room, I was taken aback by the hustle and bustle of the many people pandering and pampering the members of the three bands performing tonight.

Nakano and Noriko both sat in swivel chairs as hairstylists worked on them. Tohma sat off to one side, deep in conversation with a wardrobe specialist about what color his hat should be. Sakuma twirled around in an empty space off to our right. From what I could hear, Suspended Animation had just taken the stage.

“Shuichi, good!” K bellowed at him, “I was just on my way to get you.” The tall American narrowed his eyes at my lover and tipped Shuichi’s head to the side. Glaring at me he said loudly, “I did ask politely, didn’t I? What? Did you see Kyosuke and Shuichi hugging in the hallway and suddenly feel the need to mark your territory? Really, Yuki-san, please exercise some control.”

Hugging in the hallway?

“For fuck’s sake, shut up, K!” My lover shouted at his manager.

“Yes, K-san,” Tohma said smoothly. “Please lower your voice.”

K grinned at all of us, but said no more.

I glared at Shuichi. In response, Shuichi rolled his eyes and turned away from me. He sat down in the chair Nakano vacated and the stylist clucked in disapproval at Shuichi’s freshly ravaged hair and went to work.

I located a chair as far from anyone involved with music as I could get.

That’s when Inoue Kyosuke entered the room. He hugged a squealing Noriko and an over exuberant Sakuma. He shook hands with a smiling K and a tongue-tied Sakano. Fujisaki was clearly infatuated and blushed a deep crimson as Inoue ruffled his hair. Nakano and Inoue acknowledged each other with a much more subdued and barely civil wave.

Now, that was interesting. Apparently, Nakano did not share everyone else’s enthusiasm for the dark-haired newcomer. Of course, Nakano didn’t like me either, so his feelings for Inoue were not totally unexpected. Nakano always had been very protective of Shuichi.

Shuichi was getting his hair primped as Inoue stopped in front of him and they traded smiles. My stomach clenched and I crossed my arms as I tried to remain calm. Didn’t the guy have his own band to deal with?

“You are joining us on stage for “Strawberry Girl” aren’t you, Kyo?” A starry-eyed Fujisaki asked.

My rival’s lazy, self-assured confidence bubbled to the surface as he looked pointedly at Shuichi and said coyly, “Well, I could be talked into it.”

Nakano glared at him.

Hmmm, very interesting. Unfortunately, in this case, the enemy of my enemy would not be my friend. Too bad, I could use one right about now.

Fujisaki gushed again, “Oh, come on. What do you need us to do, beg you?”

“Maybe,” he grinned. His eyes moved back to Shuichi, “It depends on who is doing the begging.”

Shuichi scoffed, “Kyo, you are shameless.”

Inoue’s eyes shifted to the bruise on Shuichi’s neck and he turned and gave me a wry smile, “Not as shameless as some.”

I ignored him.

K boomed out, “Bad Luck, 10 minutes. Time to get on your game faces.”

The stylist slapped some cover up on Shuichi’s mark as he rose from the chair. I had never seen this part of Bad Luck’s routine and I was somewhat surprised by the sudden change in all of them. Nakano grabbed his guitar and moved to a corner where he tuned and stroked the thing. Fujisaki placed a pair of headphones on his head and used them to block out all conversation. Shuichi became totally focused and began stretching and warming up for his on stage tumbling routine. The room was suddenly silent.

Inoue smiled at my surprise, “Amazing, isn’t it? He tipped his head towards Tohma, Nittle Grasper does the same thing. So does my band. It’s as if they enter some other world.”

“Kyosuke,” Tohma cooed.

“Yes, yes, Tohma,” he said with a grin, “I’m going. I was behaving, by the way.”

“You will be joining in for the last song?” Tohma asked.

“For “Shining Collection”?” He glanced at me again, his smile suddenly dissolving. “I suppose.”

Did he know that I had written the lyrics for that song?

Tohma smiled, “Good. Always good to have multiple guitars on stage.”

The dark-haired man turned for the door, his arm over his head with a wave, “See you soon.”

“Too soon for me,” I muttered softly.

Tohma smiled.



A few minutes later, Bad Luck and I were standing at the edge of the stage. Nakano was holding his guitar lovingly, Fujisaki was still lost in his own thoughts, and Shuichi bounced impatiently on the balls of his feet. When Bad Luck was announced, Nakano and Fujisaki ran out on stage to the deafening roar from the crowd. Nakano plugged in and Fujisaki pounded the keys, blaring out the first chords of Rage Beat. Shuichi ran out a few moments later and, true to his word, did handsprings across the entire length of the stage.

The crowd went absolutely insane.

As I watched him work the writhing mob, I realized again how truly amazing Shuichi was on stage. Even though this was a small venue, the place literally rocked from the music and the frenzy of the audience. As usual, I was mesmerized by his performance and the thought occurred to me that maybe I should tell him so.

When the band had finished Rage Beat, Shuichi began holding court with the audience, teasing them with his charisma and alluring smile. Young women and men reached for him, screaming and crying his name as he skipped past them with a seductive laugh, a mere hairs-breadth out of reach.

“Hey guys,” he cooed at his worshippers, “we have a special treat for you tonight.”

The crowd screamed in response and he gave them a coy, sidelong look and chuckled throatily, “No, no no! Not that kind of treat, you naughty things.”

The crowd screamed louder.

He laughed at them, holding them in total thrall, “Tonight we will be joined on stage by a very good friend of ours. Let’s hear it for Inoue Kyosuke.”

I didn’t think it was possible, but the roar of crowd rose even higher as Inoue ran out onto the stage.

Who the hell was this guy?

Grinning at the audience, Inoue leaned very close to Shuichi in order to share the microphone, “Hello, animals!”

The two of them laughed as they waited for the throng to settle down and for Inoue to strap on his guitar. He grinned at the crowd again, “We are going to play a song for you that Shu-chan and I wrote together.” He whirled around and faced Nakano as the two of them broke into the opening chords of “Strawberry Girl.”

I was still absorbing the startling fact that Inoue and Shuichi had written the song together when Inoue stepped up to the microphone and began singing with Shuichi.

Was this guy for real?

Someone tapped my back and I turned to see Tohma regarding me intently. Behind him, I saw the predatory version of Sakuma and the smoking-hot Noriko with aloof determination marking her stance.

Game faces.

I looked at Shuichi and Inoue on stage. Was that all I saw them doing out there? Were the obvious flirtations just part of the act?

No. There was definitely more to their relationship. Tohma had said that Shuichi and Inoue had formed a deep bond. I watched the two of them closely, singing together in perfect harmony, as if they had been performing together all of their lives.

That helpless feeling of jealousy re-ignited inside of me. I faltered unsteadily as the thought occurred, once again, that perhaps I was too late to win back Shuichi’s heart.

The break in the song came and Shuichi tumbled off the stage and into my arms. He was smiling, but I could see the wheels turning in his head and the sincere look of concern that darkened his features. I kissed him soundly as he wrapped himself around me, causing me to relax a bit. It seemed almost as if he could read my mind and he answered my raging insecurity with the comforting touch of his body.

When did he begin reading me so easily? I found it a bit unnerving to have someone know me so well, even if that someone was my brat.

Thankfully, this wasn’t a full-blown concert. Each band only had to do a set of four songs. After Bad Luck finished, they hung around and waited for Nittle Grasper to complete their set and get to the climatic three-band ending song.

That song would be Shining Collection. It was the song I had written about Shuichi.

I wondered if he remembered that.

Once the performance was complete, all the three bands rejoined the party. As Shuichi and his bunch made nice with the public, I headed directly for the mezzanine bar. It seemed that, after dealing with Inoue and the various trials that went on during the evening, I was in serious need of decompression.

I was on my second smoke, and my second scotch, when a very attractive, twenty-something beauty with long, dark hair and a very short skirt joined me. She held out her hand to me and smiled as she said, “Yuki Eiri. It is very nice to meet you. I work with Mizuki-san at your publishing company.”

I nodded as I briefly clasped her proffered hand, “How is Mizuki?”

“She’s ready to pop that baby out at any moment!” She tipped her head at the empty chair next to me, “May I?”

I shrugged as I took a drag.

She sat down with a sigh, “I really hate things like this.”

It was a line, but I bit anyway, “Then why be here?”

“I promised my friend. She’s wild about Seguchi Tohma and Nittle Grasper,” her laugh was light and sunny. “What about you? What brings the master of heartbreak to a pop rock party?”

I took a drink and eyed her with suspicion, “You’re not a reporter?”

She laughed again as she touched my hand, “No, I’m not a reporter.”

I looked at the hand she had placed on top of mine. Ah, I see. She was coming on to me. I shifted my gaze to her eyes, “I’m here with someone.”

She shrugged and laughed again, “Oh, well. It was worth a try.” She did not remove her hand from mine.

It was childish and foolish of me, but I found that I was enjoying the attention she was giving me. My ego had taken a serious thrashing of late and it was nice to have someone lavish adoration on me. As a bonus to her effusive display of flattery, I found her to be quite lovely. She was definitely someone I would have pursued in my earlier, single days.

“I really enjoyed your latest book,” she smiled as she took a drink.

“Did you?” It was apparent to me that the girl was well on her way to being drunk. I looked at my empty glass and motioned at the bartender to bring us two more. It was a harmless drink. Not like I had written a song with someone, right?

As the bartender set down our drinks, I realized that maybe I was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol as well. My companion shifted closer to me but it was harmless, right? It was only a little crush…

“I absolutely adored the scene in the rain,” she gushed. “Imagine, two lovers walking in the rain and it wasn’t sad or depressing! That was brilliant!! Of course, it was sad later on when the Sakura contracted inoperable cancer and died, but that particular scene in the rain was so unique! Amazing, a moment of pure fluff from the king of gloom.”

Her ego stroking was making me feel better about myself and she was striking. I listened halfheartedly as she launched into what she found appealing about another of my books. She did talk a lot.

I noticed that my glass was empty again. Now how did that happen? I waved at the bartender again.

Suddenly, I felt the girl’s naked toes on my left ankle and I realized that, as she had been flattering me, she had moved so close to me that I could now feel her breasts pressed up against my left arm. She leaned into me further as she asked me about my current project.

“I mentioned that I’m here with someone, didn’t I?” I looked at her pointedly.

She dropped her hand to my thigh and squeezed, “I’m not looking for anything long-term.”

I grabbed her hand to stop her just as Tatsuha slid into the chair across from us.

“Aniki,” he said silkily, “why don’t you introduce me to your very beautiful friend.”

I lit a cigarette and said to her, “What was your name?”

She chuckled and held out her hand to my brother, “Suzuki Sai.”

“Uesugi Tatsuha,” he took her hand and flashed his winning, inherited smile, “charmed.”

He turned back to me, “Now I understand.”

“What?” I growled.

He smiled, “Why Shuichi came back without you.” He reached over and snagged my lighter from my hand as he lit his own cigarette. “He said that you were too busy to join us.”

My blood ran cold and my stomach twisted. Shuichi had seen me with this…

Well, wasn’t that just perfect?

“Where?” I snapped.

He shrugged, “The bunch of them were sitting at a big table near the back.”

I was a little unsteady as I rose to my feet.

“Aniki, are you okay?” He smiled brightly, “Ah… A little tipsy, are we?”

I ignored him and moved to the stairs.

It was easy to spot the table they occupied. It was the one surrounded by a crowd, roughly three simpering fans deep on all sides. I wove through the people until I stood next to my lover. Shuichi was intently listening to a story told by another occupant at the table. I touched his shoulder gently and he glanced at me, his features suddenly shifting to that creepy, empty smile that I hadn’t seen in a few weeks. “Hello, Yuki.”

Yuki? So, it’s back to Yuki now? Shit.

“Shuichi…” I looked hesitantly at all the people sitting at the table. Inoue’s hard, protective glare was difficult to ignore. “Shuichi, I need to talk to you.”

Shuichi also surveyed the group as he considered my request. Finally making a decision, he stood and began walking towards the nearest exit.

I followed him, wondering what I might be able to say to get out of this mess.

We stepped out into the cool night. Shuichi gave me a completely unreadable look and crossed his arms, “Go.”

“Look, about that woman, she works wit…”

“Doesn’t matter,” he snapped as he cut me off, his anger barely contained.

“What are yo…”

He shrugged as he cut me off again, “It doesn’t matter who or what she is. What does matter is that I know what you are, Eiri. If we are to stay together, this is simply something I have to acknowledge and deal with. It’s really my problem, not yours.”

I was suddenly struck by the realization that he wasn’t angry with me. He was angry with himself. He was furious because he had let himself get close to me and now…

Now I was angry.

“Look, Shuichi, just because some chippie throws herself at me, there’s no reason for you to get so bent out of shape. It happens and it will happen in the future, too. With both of us.”

“Yeah. Like I said, it’s my problem.” His eyes were still bright with fury, but he sounded eerily calm. It was as if he had shut off all of his emotions.

“Shuichi…” I hated seeing him like that. And I hated that I was responsible for it. Again.

“Are you sober enough to drive?” He asked in sudden resignation.

“Yeah,” my mind was very clear.

“Take me home,” he said quietly. “I want to go home.”

My surprise came through in my voice, “But don’t you have to finish up?”

He sighed and said with emotionless conviction, “I want to leave. Now. So either you take me home or I’m calling a cab.”

I nodded and we walked to my car in uncomfortable silence. The drive home was even worse, at least for me. He had never been so silent. Especially not on the way home from a show.

When we got off the elevator at our apartment building, Shuichi purposely raced ahead of me. He even shut his door in my face.

And just like that, after a month of building up his trust with me, I was back to square one.


TBC

Lyrics by Joy Division