Ranma's Horrible Histories

Ranma's Horrible Histories

Disclaimer: If I had a lawyer they would probably tell me that I don't own Ranma ½ or any other anime, T.V show, cartoon, comic, manga, or book character that may appear in my story. What I do own is the latest Terry Pratchett book 'Thud!' Good but I like 'Monstrous Regiment' better.

Authors Note: Pre-read by the splendid magnificence that is Hiryo . . . . He pays me to say that.

Chapter Four

Bored

‘Never work with small children or animals . . . - said by any actor, teacher or fictional hero'.

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Setsuna was frustrated and tired, she couldn't find anything on the bloody useless pile of scrap otherwise know as the Gates of Time, she swore that it was laughing at her. Screaming in frustration, she brought her spare staff around in a wide swing and bashed it over the gates.

"God damn piece of crap!”

Pluto's language has been going down hill rapidly since Ranma's appearance. With this, the gates gave a spark, a sizzle, and a picture formed showing 'The Brat.'

Pluto leapt to her feet and pumped an arm in the air.

"Oh yeah, who's the greatest."

Then she did a little dance in front of the gates of time. Something she called her 'Happy Dance.' Whirling her arms in the air, she grinned at the information she had just gathered, whereby the Gates of Time had calmed down after turning orange again.

'The Brat' was in Egypt, in particular Ancient Egypt, and to pin it down even more he was there during the reign of Hatshepsut. She was so cool. If she could, she would have sent herself back in time five minutes ago, so she could pat her self on the back. 'Now I have found the little pest. All I have to do now is track him down, which shouldn't be that hard. Because, following the trail of disaster and destruction of 'The Brat' will be a walk in the park and then I will squish him like the annoying insect he is. I hope that I can get this all done retrieving my original Staff and be back in time for Happy Hour.' Continuing singing to herself Pluto went to work.

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Meanwhile in another dimension Bast picked up the makeup palette and stared at the design of hippos around the edge.

"No, I don't think it's really me."

The cowering shop assistant shook in fright and rushed to fetch another while wondering whom they were serving. The temple priestess who lay nearly buried underneath a pile of clothes and other objects had stopped trembling an hour ago whereby she had descended into Shock.

From out of nowhere a bouncy little tune sounded. The girl watched as Bast put the Palette down again and seemingly out of thin air she produced a shinny square silver plate, which she began to tap with one long nailed finger. The shop assistant rushed back with a new makeup palette, this time bronze and etched with ibises. Bast looked up from the silver plate and smiled.

"Oh don't worry I've been paged. Ciao."

With that, the terrified shop assistant and priestess watched the Goddess disappeared. Slowly fading until all that was left was her cat like grin. Suddenly she popped back and grabbed her shopping from the bewildered girl.

"Oh nearly forgot that."

And she disappeared with no theatrics this time, except for perfumed puff of smoke. Okay I guess that is kind of theatrical so sue me she's a Goddess it's in her contract.

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The staff of Ancient Egypt's only McDonalds stared at the small child leaving the store and peered out the large glass windows at the smashed remains of their Ronald statue and the hippo that seemed to have fallen asleep on the dismembered head of the larger than life size model of the world's most famous fast food symbol. Ranma was happy. He was so full of additives and man made chemical byproducts he could hardly walk.

This was an exciting adventure and he couldn't wait to tell his Pop about all the fun he was having. The hippo had scratched its back on the remains of the fiberglass figure and then had fallen into an exhausted sleep. This Hippo now was prodded awake by the Martial Artist in training and woke up to find the annoying little pest sitting once again upon its back.

"Hiya Babar. Good Elephant"

Ranma kicked his little heels into the plump gray hide of the pissed off Hippo. After trying to rub the annoyance of the remains of a shattered left leg that is a huge red shoe pointing skyward and failing, the hippo lumbered off down the river valley to spread Ranma's trail of future village idiots and alcoholics.

The villagers who had first been frightened away from the market place by the 'little wizard' slowly crept back wary of the bright red and yellow thing that now sat where Fat Whaed's melon stall had been.

All that remained of the stall were a few sad and lonely melons lying littered across the ground. Fat Whaed who was not known for his patience gathered his meager courage and sidled up to the outlandish building. To find out if any of his produce could be saved and maybe still sold. A chest level pole now sat right where he had kept his secret stash of home brewed beer. He prodded it with a tentative finger, which did not drop off, nothing happened.

Gathering his courage, he began to demand restitution for his melons. Only to scream and run, his kilt flapping out behind him in his haste to get away from the talking post. Behind him, the magical post could be heard speaking again.

'Would you like fries with that?'

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Scatted behind Ranma on his wander through the Nile Valley his ride had trampled through, fields, over roads, and through the backyards of often occupied houses. Leaving behind him a trail of rapidly drunken men and skeptical women who wouldn't believe that a midget wizard and his pet Hippo had ate the clean washing.

Ranma was getting bored. Ranma, who by now you must realized has the attention span of a squirrel with ADD, began to sing. It had been fifteen minutes since he had eaten and he didn't have anything to do. So he started to sing his 'Bored Song' that he always sang to Genma whenever he had nothing to do and wanted some one to do something.

"I am so bored, bored, bored, bored, I am so bored, bored, bored, bored."

Repeat first verse ad finite. Or until something interesting happens. The song itself may be a reason for some of Genma's more amazingly stupid training plans after he had lived through an extended session of Ranma's 'Bored Song'.

The hippo was just lucky it couldn't understand his passenger, and found him annoying already. Suddenly Ranma stopped his singing and peered off into the distance. He had seen something moving that maybe could be interesting. Kicking his little heels into the hippo's sides, he shouted "Hiya, Hiya!" The Hippo ignored the little dynamo ignored him but changed direction and lumbered towards whatever poor devil had caught Ranma's attention.

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With a pop of perfumed air Bast appeared in front of the time warped McDonalds and stared. Then she stared some more. Finally, she pulled out the equivalent of a god's camera and took some photos. Muttering under her breath she put her camera way and grinned.

"Ha, I knew McDonalds would learn to time travel before Starbucks."

Happy that she had won a long held bet, Bast wondered how it had got there. The villagers by this point had run as far away as they could, and the staffs inside the McDonalds were cowering behind the deep fryer after someone said they had seen a hippo go through drive through.

Pluto had in the past ten minutes searched from the bottom of Upper Egypt to the top of Lower Egypt and had finally found the source of the disturbance. With a quick tap on the Gates of Time and a flash of light, she found herself outside a McDonalds and standing next to Bast. Who was surprised to see the Guardian of the Gates of Time. She had been betting on some one with a twisted sense of humor pulling off this trick and the Sailor Scout called Pluto had a staff wedged so firmly up her backside she often wondered whenever they meet how she was able to sit down.

Pluto on the other hand detested Bast and always had since the solstice party back in the Old Moon Kingdom when Bast had got her drunk and she had sleep with Bacchus, and Pan, and Sailor Mars then sung how she did it her way in front of the entire drunken court. Pluto had hated the cat goddess ever since. The two supernatural entities glared at each other over the shattered remains of Ronald. Setsuna peered down her nose at the Goddess.

"Look at what the cat dragged in."

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