My Enemy is a vegetable
folder
+S to Z › Vampire Hunter D
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
12
Views:
1,713
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+S to Z › Vampire Hunter D
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
12
Views:
1,713
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Vampire Hunter D, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
A satire of a satire
To write this story, for you, dear fans, I had to do a bit of research. I had to check out most of the stories Jemstone5 wrote and see what Kale would do in situations. One thing I never got to parody was Kale’s obsession with D dealing pain to her. She asks for D to write his name on her with a blade, not a pen, and says ‘Only D can call me a bitch!’
That gives me weird images of D holding a ship and lashing Kale, saying ‘Who’s your daddy?’
Or, of Kale singing the Masochism Tango…
Kale: I ache for the touch of your lips, dear!
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
D: That’s Doris. And stay away from her. That was very mean what you made me do.
Kale: You can raise welts like nobody else.
As we dance to the Masochism Tango
D: I don’t dance
Kale: You do now.
Let our love be a flame, not an ember!
Say it’s me you want to dismember!
D: Most definitely
Kale: Blacken my eye
Set fire to my tie
D Tie?
Kale: As we dance to the Masochism tango!
At your command,
D go away
Kale: Any command other than that
Before you here I stand
My heart is in my hand!
Parasite: Ick
Kale: It’s here that I must be
D: Damn
Kale: My heart entreats
Just hear those savage beats
So go put on your cleats
D: I play soccer now?
Kale: and come and trample me
Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany!
Parasite: Thanks to you, that’ not the only thing always hard!
Kale: Which is why I’m in such exquisite agony!
My soul is on fire
It’s aflame with desire!
Which is why I perspire
When we tango
You caught my nose…
D: I did?
Kale: in your left castanet, love
D: I don’t have a castanet. Just a sword
Kale: I can feel the pain yet, love
D: I didn’t do anything
Kale: Every time I hear drums.
And I envy the rose
That you held in your teeth, love
D: Huh?
Kale: with the thorns underneath, love
Sticking into your gums.
Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches
The last time I needed twenty stitches
D: No, you have some anti-biology power. You never need anything but pills
K to to sew up the gash
You made with your lash
As we danced to the Masochism tango
Bash in my brain
Then kick me once again
And say we’ll never part
D: I couldn’t if we wanted to
Kale: I know too well
I’m underneath your spell
So darling if you smell
Something burning it’s my heart
D: I really wish it were
Kale: Take your cigarette from its holder
D: I don’t smoke
Kale: and burn your initials in my shoulder
D: you already made me write my name on your chest
Kale: Fracture myne
ne
And swear that you’re mine
D: Again?
Kale: As we dance to the Masochism tango!
That gives me weird images of D holding a ship and lashing Kale, saying ‘Who’s your daddy?’
Or, of Kale singing the Masochism Tango…
Kale: I ache for the touch of your lips, dear!
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
D: That’s Doris. And stay away from her. That was very mean what you made me do.
Kale: You can raise welts like nobody else.
As we dance to the Masochism Tango
D: I don’t dance
Kale: You do now.
Let our love be a flame, not an ember!
Say it’s me you want to dismember!
D: Most definitely
Kale: Blacken my eye
Set fire to my tie
D Tie?
Kale: As we dance to the Masochism tango!
At your command,
D go away
Kale: Any command other than that
Before you here I stand
My heart is in my hand!
Parasite: Ick
Kale: It’s here that I must be
D: Damn
Kale: My heart entreats
Just hear those savage beats
So go put on your cleats
D: I play soccer now?
Kale: and come and trample me
Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany!
Parasite: Thanks to you, that’ not the only thing always hard!
Kale: Which is why I’m in such exquisite agony!
My soul is on fire
It’s aflame with desire!
Which is why I perspire
When we tango
You caught my nose…
D: I did?
Kale: in your left castanet, love
D: I don’t have a castanet. Just a sword
Kale: I can feel the pain yet, love
D: I didn’t do anything
Kale: Every time I hear drums.
And I envy the rose
That you held in your teeth, love
D: Huh?
Kale: with the thorns underneath, love
Sticking into your gums.
Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches
The last time I needed twenty stitches
D: No, you have some anti-biology power. You never need anything but pills
K to to sew up the gash
You made with your lash
As we danced to the Masochism tango
Bash in my brain
Then kick me once again
And say we’ll never part
D: I couldn’t if we wanted to
Kale: I know too well
I’m underneath your spell
So darling if you smell
Something burning it’s my heart
D: I really wish it were
Kale: Take your cigarette from its holder
D: I don’t smoke
Kale: and burn your initials in my shoulder
D: you already made me write my name on your chest
Kale: Fracture myne
ne
And swear that you’re mine
D: Again?
Kale: As we dance to the Masochism tango!