Golden Silence

Golden Silence

Granted I don’t know a lot about the geography of Kyoto, but I feel that this is at least a somewhat legitimate scenario when considering a big city (at least from my perspective).

Still don’t know Gravitation.

One last thing: I don’t think I have mentioned it yet, but there should be a warning here for foul language. Actually it really should be an indelible warning on my forehead. With the job I do it is really no surprise that I have such an… extensive vocabulary and that it filters into my writing. Anyway, you have now been warned.

Chapter Four

He hadn’t slept. It was nothing new so he ignored the fact. He lay in a lounge chair on the balcony and watched the stars. The sky out there, away from the city, was crystal clear. There was no smog or excess light obscuring his view. The distance lights twinkled mysteriously and he suddenly wished he had studied astronomy. The constellations were enigmatic and he wondered what fantastic stories they held.

He pulled his sweater a little tighter around himself as a cool wind blew from the north. He let his mind wander as he observed the numerous lights in the sky. The moon was half full and waning but still so bright that it cast shadows upon the thin blanket of snow.

He let it all wash over him. He hadn’t wanted to come, but now he was glad he had. Kenji had been on him about taking some time off for months, so he had finally relented and come here. It was nothing really that special, simply a small resort outside of Kyoto. It was peaceful in the snowy off-season. Somewhere he could relax, undisturbed. More importantly it was somewhere he could forget.

A single light streaked across the sky on the edge of his vision and a little voice in his head whispered, ‘Make a wish.’

What could he wish for though? ‘I don’t know what to wish for anymore.’ He wracked his brain for a wish. There had to be something he still wanted in his life. Well, there was one thing that he longed for, one thing that he wanted more than anything else. He stopped the idea before it could form. ‘Wishes, hopes, and dreams, they’re all so fleeting. They mean nothing in the light of day. So I just wish for tomorrow and whatever it may bring me.’

What a thing to wish for when he could have wished for anything. What a thing to ask. However as he wished his simple wish for tomorrow and left the rest in the hands of fate, some higher power heard instead his the longings of his heart.

So, what would tomorrow bring?

XXX

Eiri hated Kyoto. The main reason for this was the fact that his family was in Kyoto and he did not particularly care for his family. Oh, he loved them, but most of the time he couldn’t stand to be around them.

They all thought that they knew what was best for him. His father for instance thought that he would be happier if he settled down at the temple with a good wife and started a family. His brother thought he needed to start playing the field again. Tohma and Mika thought he needed to talk about it of all things.

He didn’t need their advice and he didn’t need their pity. He was sick to death of their constant meddling in his life. He didn’t want talk about it he had been through enough therapy.

None of those things helped. None of those things could fix what was wrong. The only thing that would make him feel better, the only thing that would make him happy, was Shuichi.

Shuichi was the reason that he had returned to Japan in the first place. He hadn’t come home for his family, fans, or work. He had only come home with hopes of reconciling with his lover.

These were just some of the reasons he found himself driving away from Kyoto on a cold night. He had only let his sister guilt him into coming in the first place because he had been back in Japan for seven months already and had yet to visit is his father. He damned her mentally for her manipulations.

It had been late already when he and Mika had argued again. She had tried to stare him down after telling him he needed to get it off his chest. After an hour he had growled at her to ‘back the fuck off’ and left the house without a backward glance.

Now he was regretting his hast in leaving and he felt his eyes trying to droop with exhaustion. The whole week had been tiring, one argument after another.

He was already an hour outside of the city and the road was empty due to the late hour. There wasn’t much in the way of potential lodging on the empty stretch of road, but he did remember seeing signs for a small resort. At it was the off-season for tourists he felt it was likely that they would have a room available.

When he passed another sign he took note of the advertised directions and made hast with longing thoughts of a comfortable bed and a good nights sleep, he hoped.

XXX

Shuichi wished he had the vocal capability to make is annoyance known. He had finally fallen asleep in the wee hours of the morning and now the alarm clock was telling him it was time to get up again. His little reprieve from reality was over and he had to catch the train back home that afternoon.

How a week of almost inactivity could go by so quickly he would never know. He glared at the alarm for a moment longer before slapping it into silence. He thought it was almost unfair that he could still hear every annoying sound with almost perfect clarity when he could make so few of his own.

‘Fate is a bloody bitch.’

He forced himself to get up. He needed to shower, dress, and make sure he had everything before he could leave.

XXX

Eiri glared at the receptionist. It wasn’t her fault that the resort had an early check out, but he felt the need to glare at someone and she was convenient. He forced himself to stifle a yawn before it could pass his lips and signed the receipt.

He turned and started toward the doors only to stop dead. His eyes had caught a sight that was almost too painfully beautiful to bear.

XXX

‘Oh, god… oh, god… oh, god… I am not seeing what I think I’m seeing. He’s not real. He’s not here. He is in America. Oh, god, this isn’t happening.’ Shuichi's heart beat a rapid staccato in his chest. A pair of intense, golden eyes were staring into his own.

The surreality of the moment was suffocating and he felt lightheaded. ‘Oh, god, why now?’

XXX

As if by some unseen force the pair slowly moved toward each other. The years lost between them seemed to vanish into nothing as they came within arms reach of each other and stopped.

They couldn’t look away, but neither of them could find the will to take those last steps.

Eiri was forced to watch as a single tear slid down Shuichi's cheek and the stalemate was broken. A clashing of continents would not have had the force of that embrace. Shuichi found himself enveloped by strong arms and an all too familiar scent.

It was real. This was no dream. Eiri was there, solid and alive.

Neither could tell how long they had stood there, but Eiri’s shirt was damp and so was Shuichi's hair when they pulled apart.

With the first wash of dizzying emotions gone the silence grew awkward between them.

“I…” Eiri didn’t know what to say. He felt his guilt grow to overwhelming proportions when Shuichi shook his head and whipped away the tear tracks. The pink haired man straitened up and shouldered the bag he had dropped some moments before. He gestured for Eiri to follow him and he made his way to the counter.

Several members of the staff had been informed of his lack of speech over his weeklong stay and so the receptionist had pad and pen waiting for him. He smiled at her jotted a note indicating he was ready to check out. While she processed the forms he needed to sign he took the time to write a note the author.

‘I suppose we need to talk.’

He passed the note behind him to the blond, unable to look back over his shoulder just yet, and took the forms from the receptionist.

“I suppose we do.”

When he finished with the forms Shuichi looked at his watch. It was almost noon and his train left at three. If he was to make it to the station by two he only had half an hour before he had to leave.

He turned around nervously. Almost four years had passed since he had last laid eyes on this man. It had been four lonely years of hurt and anger. Then suddenly out of nowhere they he was back in Shuichi's life. A thought struck the former singer and he could have laughed. ‘Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.’

There was so much he wanted to say and he had no way to say it. He let Eiri over to the restaurant and sat down. He could at least eat with the man. ‘I owe him that much don’t I? Why though? Why do I owe him anything? He left me not the other way around.’

Neither man seemed very hungry when the waiter came around. Eiri ordered tea and Shuichi gestured for the same.

The silence grew cold between them until at last Shuichi wrote and pushed a note across the table. ‘I don’t have a lot of time.’

Eiri didn’t know what to say to that. He couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t sound cheep. He looked into those lavender eyes and was consumed by shame. He had hurt this man so badly. “I’m sorry.”

It was a simple comment, but the words were heavy between them. Eiri never apologized. He never admitted when he was wrong. Shuichi scribbled out another note. ‘For which part? Are you sorry that I lost my voice or are you sorry you left me without a word or warning?’

The anger was coming back. It was fueled by four years of pain and confusion. He wanted so badly to yell and rant. He wanted to be able to scream out all his pain at this man.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry for both I suppose. It is no excuse, but I was…” he hesitated, afraid to admit his weakness, “… I was afraid.”

Shuichi snorted. He snatched the pad back and scrawled a hasty message. When he handed it to the blond it took a moment for the author to make out the angry scribble.

‘Fuck you. That is a weaker excuse than anything else you could have come up with. When I told you I loved you I meant it. I let myself be raped and beaten for you. I worked myself sick trying to make you proud. I gave you everything I had and you left me standing in the middle of a damn amusement park. Now all you can say is that you were ‘afraid’? Don’t you think that I was scared?’

Eiri looked up hesitantly. Shuichi's eyes were burning with pain and anger. “I…”

Shuichi shook his head. ‘I have a train to catch.’ He ripped the page from his pad and threw it and some money onto the table. He got up and walked away as fast as he could while carrying his luggage. He didn’t want Eiri to see his tears. He didn’t want Eiri to know how much he still hurt.

He heard his name being called, but he kept walking. He made it to the rental car and threw his back into the back seat. He slammed the door with such force that the car shook, but before he could open the driver’s door he was pressed against the cool frame of the car.

“Don’t walk away. Don’t do me like I did you.”

Shuichi could feel the angry diatribe burning in his throat. He could feel the words ready to burst forth. However when he opened his mouth, nothing came out but a half choked and silent sob.

How dare this man stomp back into his life? How dare he try and force the issue? How dare he make Shuichi suddenly remember everything he had tried so hard to forget? How dare he use his own despicable actions against his former lover? How dare he make Shuichi want nothing more than to turn around and kiss him until neither of them could breath?

How dare he?

Shuichi bucked and pushed him back. He had the door open before he turned around, to face a frozen Eiri. Shuichi's face was shining with the fallen tears. “I have to go.”

It wasn’t until Shuichi was several miles away that either of them realized that the words had been whispered aloud.

XXX

I don’t like this chapter. I don’t know why. It came pretty easily when I wrote it, but as I read back over it, it feels… forced.

Anyway…

So? Too much? Not enough? There is still more to come.