Ghost Monk

          
Why the hell did I think coming HERE would be a good idea!? Eiri stared at his father, almost unblinking, as the man continued his tirade for the third hour in a row. He should’ve pummeled Tatsuha when he had the chance for squealing to their father that he was back. Gotta admit, the old bastard has some damn good breath control. I don’t think I’ve seen him inhale in the past half hour…that and Kitazawa’s stuck outside the fucking place. That could be a plus. Whoever the fuck my great-great-great-fucking-uncle is, I like the hold he has on that sword.




          
“I told you countless times that you had to train for this. I’d even tried my hardest to give you a clue the last time you were here, Eiri. But you had to go and fuck it up. If you aren’t ready for this, then that’s nobody’s damned fault but your own! Who was it that told me to ‘drop the dream and die’!? So that you could bribe your brother to run this dump for me?! Who’s the one who keeps running away from not your familial duties, but your fucking birthright!? With someone as sensitive as you are, you’d think at some point you would’ve gotten a fucking clue!”




          
“Look pops, I don’t need the sanctimonious bullshit right now.” Eiri finally managed to cut in once Uesugi-san needed to breathe. “Just tell me how to turn it the fuck off!”




          
Uesugi-san meanwhile, had decided that laughing his ass off at his son’s predicament was a more viable option. Since it was clear that he wasn’t about to get listened to, not that he ever had, he waved towards the family shrine. “Nothing I say will help you. You never listened to me, you never will, stubborn bastard that you are. Why don’t you go pray to your ancestors and mull things over?”




          
“If you hadn’t made it impossible for me not to hate you, or myself, it might not have been so big of an issue. If I had known you were going to keep me there that long, I would’ve worn shittier clothes.” Eiri retorted before he stood, dusting off his pants from kneeling on the floor so long. At the suggestion to go pray to the ancestors, his eye twitched again, and he looked almost green. “Because suddenly, pops, talking to my ancestors takes on a WHOLE new meaning….”




          
Seeing that he was going to get no more help from his father, Eiri slowly made his way into his family’s temple, sitting there with one knee propped up so he could rest his elbow on it. Booted out by the clan, Kitazawa hovered by the temple gates, smirking as he watched his ex-pupil trudging towards the shrine. Eiri had to come out sometime. He couldn’t stand the place for more than three days even before he could see and hear everyone.





•





          
“Well, well, well. Look who it is.” One of the older Uesugi members drawled, watching Eiri getting comfortable. “The prodigal son. Now you believe, eh, asshole?”




          
Another one shushed him, as he settled happily on his shrine stone. “It wasn’t his fault he was chased off. It IS his fault for not bothering to try and come back though. So you can only give him half the blame.”




          
“I do! That’s why I fuck with his father’s booze and cigarettes.”




          
Laughter erupted immediately throughout the shrine, at the thought of the living Uesugi stalking through the house looking for where he’d put them this time. One of them perked up and glanced over from where he was playing Go with another one. “You too!? I thought it odd that they were moved from where I’d had them last.”




          
“Ugh, and you see some of the women HE brings in? Dogs all of them. I make sure they leave right quick.” Finally catching some interest in Eiri, he tapped his walking stick across his stone. “That little pink-haired one was cute. Much better than the sluts I’ve seen him trolling with.” He pointed it at Eiri. “Should bring her around more often, give us a thrill.”




          
“You should talk. I’ve seen some of the women YOU’VE brought home.”




          
The second player of the Go game, glanced over, finally adding his two cents to the conversation. “The pink-haired one’s a guy. Honestly…”




          
“How’d you know?!” came the flood of chorus from the rest of them.




          
Having finally lost his patience with his ancestors’ chattering, Eiri stared up at them all. Were they … having TEA!? “HEY!” he called, trying to get their attention.




          
“He showed off his crotch to the old man that time he pretended to be Eiri’s bride, remember?” Then he shrugged his spectral shoulders. “And I spent some time in Tatsuha’s room. He has a …. What is it? TB?”




          
“TV, dumbass. TB is one of those illnesses..”




          
A lewd smirk answered his companion. It was clear that some things were hereditary. “Oh right. Don’t care. That little squirt’s hot. Hell, if I still had a dick, I’D fuck his brains out too…”




          
“That’s just lovely, swipe your great-great-grandson’s fucktoy.. Like your reputation’s not in the shitter as it is.”




          
“HEY!” Eiri called again, not used to being the one on the receiving end of being ignored. He did the ignoring, dammit!




          
“Damn I miss the booze…”




          
“I could do without having had to see Tatsuha wanking off to that video with the Grasping guy, though. It made me feel like an incestuous pedophiliac voyeur.” Then he thought it over a bit more, tapping his finger to his chin. “Though that Grasping guy was sort of hot… reminded me of that pink-haired one.. I love the clothes they wear nowadays…”




          
“No one asked you to stay there for the entire thing! It’s not someone duct taped a spirit ward to your ass to keep you there!”




          
Inhaling slowly, Eiri’s patience had finally snapped. They’d sit there and happily talk about him, but not to him, while he was sitting right there waiting to talk to them?! Fuck that shit. “HEY DEAD PEOPLE!! HOW DO I TURN THIS OFF?!”




          
As one, they all turned to look at Eiri. At the expressions on their faces, he wasn’t so sure he should’ve gotten all of their attentions at the same time. Great, yet another thing to have inherited from these bastards.





•





          
After another hour or so, mouth set into a firm line, Eiri returned from his time within the shrine. Without bothering to sit down, he slowly gathered the objects he’d left behind when he’d gone in there. His father was leaning his elbow against the table, sipping the tea Tatsuha had prepared. “Well, did you learn anything?”




          
“Yes.” Eiri said tersely, pocketing his keys and cigarettes. At least they hadn’t fucked with them yet.




          
Not getting anything more, Uesugi-san frowned at his son. “And?”




          
“And I’m NEVER having children. I’m also disowning the lot of you. Mika, Tatsuha and I are fucked up enough as it is.”




          
“What!? How…. But… you went in there to PRAY!”




          
“Who the hell could pray with all of them BITCHING at me the entire time!?” Eiri picked up his coat, and shrugged it on. “We come from a LONG line of drunken, whore-mongering perverted monks, pops. Someone has to break the cycle. I’d exorcise them, but their one redeeming factor is the fact that they fuck with your cigarettes and booze.”




          
Uesugi-san half-rose from his position on the floor, throwing down his napkin. “How dare you insinuate that…”




          
The young novelist tossed a smirk towards his father. “Never can keep a woman to stay around for very long, can you?” Leaving a spluttering father to choke on the rest of his tea, Eiri walked out into the Shrine’s main courtyard, muttering to himself and trying to remember that long, boring monotone. “Spirit… sensitive.. psychic.. chi….” His eye twitched, just once. Why the fuck does it sound like I’ve wandered into one of Shuichi’s fucking anime series?!




          
Tatsuha was waiting for him, leaning against one of the pillars that held up the balcony overhang at the entryway. “So… that’s it? You’re leaving already? Not even going to stay a bit, seeing as it’s your birthday and all?”




          
“No. I’ll just hang out here for a few minutes, away from them. I don’t feel ready yet to go back to Kitazawa. And don’t remind me about my birthday.”




          
“Ki…. Kita…”




          
“Eh, don’t worry about that bastard.” Eiri lit a cigarette, offering one to Tatsuha, who took it warily. “Our great-great-great-fucking-uncle or whatever is keeping an eye on him. I think I like him already. I’m half-tempted to egg them on, just so I can watch him use that sword.”




          
“S-s-sword!?”




          
With an evil chuckle, Eiri closed his eyes, leaned his head back and blew the smoke up into the air.





TBC