Slices of Life

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation nor do I make any money from using the characters. I am a part owner of Kyosuke, though.

Rating: NC-17

If you have time, please review. Thank you!!

Notes: Hi everyone! I’m taking a short hiatus at the moment, but I should be done with my other project shortly. Hang on!

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has been following this story and Come What May (don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about that one, either.) I really appreciate each and everyone of you!

As always – big thanks to both Kri*Kri and Ashcat for taming this monster, especially while I was preoccupied with other things. It was two pages longer! I suspect there are lots of mistakes because I touched it last!


Slices of Life


Chapter 4
Since You’re Gone

Since you're gone
The nights are gettin' strange
Since you're gone
Well, nothing's makin' any sense
Since you're gone
I stumbled in the shade
Since you're gone
Everything's in perfect tense, well
I can't help it
When you fall apart
And I can't help it
Guess you better start
That is forgettin' about you
Since you're gone
Nights are gettin' strange
Since you're gone
Thrownin' it all away
Since you're gone

I can't help it
Everything's a mess
I can't help it
You're so treacherous
Oh, where's that tenderness?


***********************
Suguru didn’t move when Hiro sat down next to him on the bed. He’d just stared, as if Hiroshi wasn’t there. At first, Hiro panicked, fearing rape was what his lover had suffered. But then he realized Suguru was angry, and his anger was not with Hunter. He was angry with Hiroshi and Kyosuke. No, the label of anger was far too tame for what Suguru radiated.
Hiro was stunned with the knowledge; after all, Suguru had just willingly slept with someone else. Hadn’t he? He kept his voice neutral. “Suguru, what the hell is going on?”

Suguru sat up and held his chin high, his eyes like icicles. “What do you think is going on?”

Hiro swallowed, fighting the urge to slap his lover. “We’ve been worried sick about you, you know.”

“Oh, really?” Suguru’s voice dripped with sarcasm and fury. “That must explain why it’s five o’clock in the morning and you are just now discovering me in your worry.”

Blinking his eyes, Hiro tried to process what he was hearing. It wasn’t just anger mixed in with the words from Suguru’s mouth it was also pain and desperation. Hurt me. What was going on in that pretty head? He looked at the long, well-toned and unclad legs, the mussed-up hair, and the bites on his neck. He wanted to ask, more than anything, he wanted to ask, but he couldn’t yet. Instead, he grabbed Suguru’s wrist and pulled him off the bed hissing at him, “Get dressed at least.”

Staring at him with all the warmth of Seguchi Tohma, Suguru retrieved his pants and slipped into them. He didn’t speak, didn’t defend himself, and didn’t explain. Hiro felt sick. Someone else had touched Suguru, had touched the man who had always stood by him and cared for him. Hiro was shocked to realize how deeply jealous he was. This wasn’t the same feeling he had when one of Kyosuke’s ex-boys showed up, when that happened he was angry with Kyosuke. Right now, however, he felt he wanted to kill that man in the other room, the one who had touched Suguru and more than anything, he wanted to erase this day.

“Kyosuke’s in the next room,” Hiro stated.

“Of course he is,” he answered calmly. “You’re here, aren’t you?”

What did that mean? He was damned if he was going to feel bad at this moment in time, not when Suguru had… when he had…

“Come on,” he snapped as he reached for Suguru’s wrist again.

Suguru stepped back, out of arms reach. “I’m capable of walking without aid.”

His lover was like an iceberg and for a moment, Hiro wondered if it was too late to fix anything, if their relationship was already dead. He’d told Kyosuke that Suguru wouldn’t do anything like this unless he’d already decided about a break-up. At the time he’d said it, he hoped he was overreacting, but now, he wasn’t so certain. Maybe this was Suguru’s way of breaking up with them.

No, he was sure something else was happening. If Suguru had made up his mind to leave them, he certainly wouldn’t agree to go home with them. Of course, maybe he hadn’t agreed, he wasn’t in the car, and that guy had made the announcement that Suguru could stay if he wanted.

Hiro’s mind slowed, processing that bit of information. That meant the guy and Suguru had talked about them! He wouldn’t talk to Kyosuke and Hiro, but he’d confide in a complete stranger? When he thought about it, even Tony, the bodyguard, knew more about Suguru’s actions of late than either Hiro or Kyosuke. When had the wheels of their relationship started to come off? And why hadn’t they seen it?

He shook his head and cleared his vision. Suguru was watching him. “Hunter said you met Tom and Nick.”

Hiro didn’t say anything.

“Did you meet Rhys?”

Now Suguru wanted to know about who was at the club? What the hell? “Rhys? I don’t know. Is that all you can talk about at a time like this?”

The cold eyes blinked at him. “Rhys used to sleep with Kyosuke.”

Hiro shrugged with indifference. “Who hasn’t Kyosuke slept with?”

Suguru’s eyebrows shot up.

“That was all in the past, Suguru,” he practically spat. “Not exactly something you or I could control.”

“You picked a fine time …” Suguru shook his head. “Didn’t Rhys remind you of anyone? A certain singer, maybe?”

“I don’t…” He practically jolted at the realization. Suguru was right, the unabashed confidence and the easy, charismatic smile, Rhys did resemble Shuichi in some ways. He glanced at the blank and detached features. Suguru’s ferocious jealousy of Shuichi was well known to his lovers and Hiro supposed that explained a little of his boyfriend’s anger, but what did that have to do with that guy in the other room?

Suguru nodded, as if he’d expected Hiro’s reaction.

What the hell was going on? He looked over at the rumpled bed. “Let’s go.” He stopped at the door and waited for Suguru to walk down the hall ahead of him. Hiro watched his lover’s movements, Suguru didn’t seem to be sore but then there were those marks on his neck. Well, Suguru could be aggressive, maybe he was the one who… Hiro squeezed his hands into fists and followed Suguru down the hall.

He hoped Kyosuke was thrashing that other guy, but he knew better. Fighting wasn’t Kyosuke’s style and neither was jealousy. Possessiveness was not something his worldly lover could mentally grasp, he acknowledged it and had occasional flashes of it, but that’s all they were, quick instances of pure confusion that passed quickly. Hiroshi didn’t understand how someone could be devoid of envy, but that was Kyosuke. He was a freak of nature and a large reason their polyamorous relationship worked.

Instead, as they neared the living room, he listened as Kyosuke asked the guy the one question Hiro wanted to know. How late were they? The next few minutes were hard to watch as his longhaired, arrogant and emotionally strong boyfriend unraveled in front of him. Suguru’s hickeys started the slide, but for some reason, not completely understood by Hiro, Kyosuke seemed to blame himself for Suguru’s misdeeds. Hiro understood they’d ignored their lover, left him out and isolated him, but even so, going home with some other guy was not acceptable. Not to him, anyway.

Their relationship might really be over; he caught his breath with the thought. Not yet. He wasn’t prepared to give up and he gained a small kernel of hope when Suguru did not argue about going home. Hiro and Suguru left the flat together and walked silently to the car. Both of them were angry now. In fact, Hiro was angry with Kyosuke, too, when he thought about it.

If Suguru had slept with that Hunter guy, then he knew what would happen. Kyosuke would wax poetic, giving a few words of wisdom about relationships being difficult and how communication was the key and how, from now on everyone would try harder. Then he would predictably hug Suguru, tell him they would get through it, and then fall into bed with him, fucking Suguru until he couldn’t get it up anymore. Kyosuke just viewed the world differently, that was why Hiro loved him, but it could also be a point of contention between them.

To Hiro, it was all about penetration. Hiro wasn’t sure he could ever get over that and penetration probably hadn’t even crossed Kyosuke’s mind. He probably wouldn’t think about Suguru moaning and writhing under someone other than his lovers, or if he did, he would likely find it a hot fantasy. Hiro ground his teeth.

“Hiroshi, get in the car,” Kyosuke said at his elbow. “Get in the back, okay?”

“Yeah,” Hiro nodded absently and then opened the passenger door and climbed in.

“Are you getting in, Suguru?” Kyosuke prodded their other lover. He didn’t answer but he slid into the front passenger seat.

Their drive home was painfully quiet and Hiroshi was lost in his own world of confusion, trying to sort out his feelings in a logical manner. The problem was, of the three of them, Hiroshi was by far the most emotional. It was ironic, when he considered all of the years he’d spent as Shuichi’s stable and calm influence. That was easy, though, Shuichi was basic in many ways and his relationship with Yuki-san, while turbulent, was rather straightforward. Shuichi and Yuki fought and hurt each other, but deep down, they truly loved one another, it was easy to see. Sure, after Yuki left him, Shuichi’s actions were wild and bewildering, but his undying love for his cold boyfriend was obvious, even if both Kyosuke and Hiro had refused to see it.

Hiro sighed as he considered Suguru’s rabid jealousy over Shuichi. He could understand it far more than Kyosuke seemed capable of, but he still didn’t grasp it completely. Shuichi was the past, wasn’t he? True, Hiro still had feelings for his friend, but they were fading, adjusting back into simple friendship. Hiro was glad of that, happy that he hadn’t completely lost his best friend and band mate, happy that he’d been able to find another all-consuming love with Kyosuke and Suguru. It felt different, but it was just as intense.

He thought about the acid in Suguru’s tone when he referred to Rhys and Shuichi. It was almost as if Suguru was trying to tell him something. He glanced at Suguru who stared gloomily out the window at the city and then to Kyosuke who held the wheel of the car in an uncharacteristic death grip.

The sky was just beginning to lighten as the three exited the car and made their way to the door of their home. Hiro saw the window curtain in the flat next to them flutter back into place; Tony, most likely keeping tabs on them. He could he hear another car pull into the shared driveway and he didn’t have to turn to know the taciturn Nakamura had successfully followed them home. Their life was nothing, if not surreal. He felt the fear again. He didn’t want this relationship to end -- he wouldn’t let it end. Even if…

He was the last to step through the door, toeing off his shoes and setting them next to Kyosuke’s ever-casual sneakers and Suguru’s dancing shoes. He felt himself growl internally at the sight of Suguru’s low-heeled black leather shoes. It was time to find out. He raced up the stairs, his anger bubbling up inside as he skidded to a halt in the living room. He was ready to begin shouting but of course, Kyosuke had already taken charge of the situation in his maddeningly reasonable fashion.

“Sit down, Hiroshi, and no shouting,” Kyosuke chided. “Try not to forget we are all hurting at the moment.”

Snapping his mouth shut, Hiroshi moved to a chair and flopped into it, crossing his arms and glowering. Kyosuke was right, they were all hurting -- but that didn’t stop his feelings of betrayal. He knew he was being selfish, but he didn’t care.

Kyosuke held out his arm towards the couch, urging Suguru to sit. Their lover stepped over the books as if he didn’t see them and sat down. He was still guarded and unreadable, Hiroshi had no idea what his lover was thinking.

“First,” Kyosuke said softly as he picked up one of the books on Mandarin, “let’s talk about these. It seems you’ve been attending classes, is that correct?”

Suguru sighed. “Yes. Tony warned me that if you asked, he would tell you.”

Kyosuke nodded. “I did ask, but only because these books were stacked up in here. If they hadn’t been, I still wouldn’t know. Why would you keep this from us Suguru?”

Hiro’s gaze moved from Kyosuke’s wounded green eyes to Suguru’s stony, brown pair. For a moment, he wasn’t sure Suguru was going to answer the question and then his icy stare melted a bit.

He said flatly, “I wanted to surprise you.”

“With cooking, too?”

“Yeah,” Suguru’s voice faltered. “No one can cook in the house, so I thought if I did then maybe things would go smoother.”

There was a note of falsehood in Suguru’s tone, it was likely no one else would catch it, but Hiro did, he knew his lover too well. What wasn’t he saying?

“What about the yoga?” Hiro said with much more control than he felt.

The brown eyes flashed anger again and he challenged, “I just wanted to be more flexible, anything wrong with that?”

“Flexible?” Hiro answered absently. There was something in his voice when he said the word. It was the same note in flexible and cooking and… Rhys. There was a connection, but it was just out of Hiro’s mental reach.

“Why didn’t you talk to us about this?” The pain in Kyosuke’s voice was easy to identify and Hiro’s heart hurt with the sound. “I thought… you trusted me.”

“I do,” Suguru moved closer on the couch to Kyosuke as his voice softened and became genuine. “I do, Kyosuke. Sometimes I guess I feel a little outclassed. I wanted to be better for you.”

“Is that why you went home with some other guy?” Hiro hissed his anger evident.

“Don’t, Hiroshi,” Kyosuke scolded. “I will not allow this to deteriorate into a blame-filled shouting match.”

“You will not allow?” Hiro snapped back. “Why do you feel you can set all the parameters? This relationship is not a dictatorship and you are not the only one affected by this chain of events.” The minute the words left his mouth, Hiro knew he’d crossed a line.

Kyosuke stood, he reached out and touched Suguru’s hair gently and then he grabbed his coat and walked towards the door.

“Wait, Kyosuke,” Hiro ran after him. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Kyosuke shook his head. “I have to go out for a while. I need to cool my head.”

“Don’t leave,” Hiro whispered in desperation. “Please.”

He smiled, but it never reached his eyes. He ran his fingers through Hiroshi’s hair, the same way he’d done to Suguru only moments earlier. “I’ll be back; I just need a little time.”

You’re always the one who fixes everything, Hiro wanted to say.

“Go easy on him, Hiroshi. It’s you he loves, it’s you he needs,” Kyosuke announced as he walked down the stairs and towards the door. “Not me.”

“That’s not true…” Hiro whispered as he watched the door closed. Maybe it was true. More likely, the two of them were finally too much for Kyosuke to carry on his shoulders. He pressed his back against the wall and slid down so to the floor, overwhelmed with the realization that it was happening again. Every lover he’d ever had turned out to be in love with someone else. Everyone except Suguru, and now he couldn’t even be sure of that.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, lost in his own thoughts before Suguru’s distant voice said, “You’re still here?”

Hiro looked up into those brown eyes, usually so filled with affection but now so cold. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I figured you would have gone with Kyosuke,” was the toneless response.

He shook his head. “No. Oddly enough, before he left, he said that it was only me you loved and not him. I suspect he left to give you and me space or, more likely, because he can’t deal with us any more.”

Suguru tipped his head, his innate curiosity getting the better of him. “Why aren’t you causing a scene?”

“Good question,” Hiro stood. “I’m not causing a scene because sooner or later, it was bound to happen. Love always disappears.”

He walked down the hall and into their room. He retrieved some clothes and made his way towards the shower. Suguru was standing in the hall.

“Aren’t you going to yell at me?” Suguru asked.

“What for?” Hiro was tired and numb. He didn’t want to discuss it any more. “Haven’t you already made your decision on what you want to do? I suppose you’ll want to move out now since you are so unhappy with us. We can call K and have him arrange a hotel room for you. Maybe one for me as well.”

Suguru swallowed. “Why for you?”

“What do you care?” Hiro answered calmly as he moved past Suguru and set the clean clothes down on a counter in the bathroom. “Aren’t you done with us?”

“Hiroshi… I didn’t,” he mumbled.

Hiro stepped back into the hallway and faced his band mate. “You didn’t what?” Calmly reaching forward with both hands he grabbed either side of the collar on Suguru’s borrowed shirt and yanked. Fabric ripped as buttons tore loose from the garment, bouncing in several directions on the ground. Suguru stood there, features frozen in shock, shirt wide open and exposing the love bites on his neck and some further down his anatomy. Hiro reached out once more time and poked at the hickeys with his fingers. “You didn’t what?”

Suguru’s eyes widened, ice melting away into regretful sorrow and finally replaced by pure fury. He pulled his fist back and punched Hiro with everything he had.

Hiro’s head snapped back with the force of the blow and he grabbed his cheek. His ears were ringing as he stood up straight, staring into those big brown eyes filled with confusion and anger. He didn’t say anything before he moved into the bathroom and shut the door.

Standing under the constant spray of the shower, he tried to sort out what he was feeling. He was detached, as if removed from himself. Everything seemed to be falling right in line and right on time. He was certain that love wasn’t for him. It would be easier for him if he let Kyosuke and Suguru go now, they would leave him eventually, anyway. He should take advantage of what he was feeling right now, as the cloak of distance enveloped him and just let them go.

Soon, he knew the numbness would fade, replaced by the pain of rejection and loneliness. He would be regretful then, but not yet. Not while he stood under the cascade of water feeling as if he was emotionally invincible. He could pretend he was in control and that he did not fear the coming heartbreak and sorrow.

Later, when Hiro emerged from his shower, as he expected, Suguru and many of his belongings were gone. He dialed Kyosuke but he couldn’t get an answer. He thought about calling Shu, but he knew his friend was dealing with his own uncertainties. He thought about his brother but Yuji was useless when it came to matters of the heart.

Besides, there were no surprises here and this was to be expected, wasn’t it? After all, love always disappears.

Fresh from the shower at seven in the morning, after a sleepless night and horrid fight with his boyfriend, he started drinking. Considering the circumstances, it seemed the appropriate thing to do. He was stumbling drunk by nine o’clock, and by one o’clock, passed out on the couch. He awoke with a wicked headache, a tender cheek, and a dry mouth to the sound of someone pounding at the front door.

He ignored it. There was no one he wanted to see. No one other than Kyosuke or Suguru and they had both left him. He got up and padded to the kitchen, retrieving some water from the refrigerator in an attempt to slake his thirst. His stomach protested, angry at only receiving alcohol in the past… what time was it? He squinted at the clock, his face aching with the movement, it was five twenty-three. The only thing he’d consumed in the last twenty-four hours was nicotine and alcohol.

The pounding continued.

Opening a bottle of aspirin, he poured the pills into the palm of his left hand. Separating out two of the pills with his fingers, he popped them into his mouth and chewed them. Making a face at the bitter taste, he quickly swallowed, chasing the nasty flavor down with another drink of water. He thought about a cigarette, but his tongue was so furry and his throat so raspy, he didn’t think he could handle one.

Once again the pounding started.

He sighed and made his way to the door, too sick and too melancholy to care if it was one of Kyosuke’s Yakuza bad guys. In fact, there was a part of him that hoped it was, being shot as part of a gang war seemed rather romantic at the moment, better than a sad, lonely existence. He descended the stairs as he considered his funeral and who would come, aware he was being maudlin and self-absorbed, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about much.

Throwing open the door, he had to fight the urge to close his eyes and throw his arms wide and say something noble and prophetic. He was glad he hadn’t. Standing in front of him was that guy, Kyosuke’s friend and Suguru’s new lover.

“Hey,” Hunter said as he narrowed his eyes. “Sorry to be so persistent but Tony told me you were home. Actually, all he would tell me was that someone was home. Is Suguru here?”

“No,” Hiro managed to say. The guy knew about Tony?

“You don’t look so good. Is Kyosuke home?”

“No.”

“What?” Hunter exclaimed with surprise. “They left you alone? Are they together at least?”

“No.”

He sighed. “Kyosuke’s such a fucking idiot, he always runs when it gets too much.”

Hiro didn’t say anything, but Hunter’s words made him angry. Kyosuke never ran, not until now, that is. Now that he thought about it, he could see that Kyosuke felt Hiro was the best suited to handle the situation. It turned out, however, that Hiro had only made a mess of everything, he hadn’t been worthy of Kyosuke’s trust. He swallowed back the bile trying to creep up his throat.

Studying the swaying Hiro, he said, “Well, hopefully he won’t leave you alone too long.”

His stomach roiled angrily at him, threatening to reject the aspirin. “What do you want?”

Running a hand through the long, skinny dreads, the guy actually smiled. He held up a bag. “I wanted to bring Suguru his shirt. I washed it and it’s good as new.”

Hiro glared at him and his belly fluttered, and not in a good way. He grabbed the doorjamb to hold himself steady. He swallowed again, desperately trying to keep the alcohol and aspirin from leaping free.

Hunter tipped his head to the side. “Are you okay? You seem to be listing.” He nodded his head, “Ah, drunk, are you? Well, having a fight with your loved ones is as good a time…” He looked closer and then stepped through the door, quickly looping an arm around Hiro’s waist and dragging him up the stairs.

There was no way Hiro could protest, it took all he had not to retch as it was.

“What is it with you Japanese boys?” Hunter complained as he hauled the unresisting form down the hallway and to the bathroom. “I thought you were good at drinking. You know that, whole stereo-type about the Japanese businessmen?”

“I’m a pop-star,” Hiro replied.

“Even more reason to be able to hold your liquor. Here we are,” Hunter pushed him into the room. “If you don’t mind, I’ll sit this one out. Watching one boy puke in the span of twenty-four hours is quite enough for me.”

Hiro caught the words but they didn’t make any sense as he emptied the contents of his stomach. Once he was done with that, he washed his face, rinsed his mouth out and brushed his teeth. Oddly, he felt much better. His stomach complained again, but this time he realized it was from hunger linked with the smell of toast. Maybe Suguru was home.

He made his way to the kitchen, following the mouth-watering scent only to find Hunter in the kitchen. There was toast and a couple of sausages frying. Hiro’s stomach growled.

“Here,” Hunter smiled at him and handed him a glass of fizzing liquid. “You could probably use this.”

Sitting down at the counter, Hiro watched the darker-skinned man. He was unhappy by Hunter’s ease in Kyosuke’s kitchen. “You seem to know your way around here pretty well.”

Those black eyes sparkled with teasing merriment. “Kyosuke and me, we used to drink together a lot. It wasn’t uncommon for both of us to end up in my flat or his. That is, if he didn’t pick up someone during the night.”

“Did he…” Hiro knew that by prying into Kyosuke’s past he was asking for heartache, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “Did he do that a lot? Pick up people, I mean.”

Hunter raised his eyebrows and took a drink from the bottle of beer he had liberated from the refrigerator. “He did it more than he should have, maybe, but I suppose he could have been much worse. He certainly had ample opportunity to go through more lovers than he did, but he was funny about it. Instead of simply jumping on people, he had a habit of getting to know them first. I always suspected he was looking for something more than a fling.”

“So…” Hiro swallowed a small sip of the no-longer-fizzing liquid and made a face. Understanding that the noxious liquid was treatment for his hangover, he quickly choked the rest of it down. Once he finished grimacing over the bitter taste, he finally asked his question. “He wasn’t a complete man-whore?”

“Oh, he had his moments,” Hunter smiled with his memories. “He can be quite charming.”

“Yes,” Hiro agreed, realizing how keenly he missed Kyosuke. He missed Suguru, too, and the longing he suddenly felt was akin to pain.

Hunter studied him as he set a plate down in front of Hiro. “Do you know where either one of them might be?”

Hiro shook his head. “Kyosuke just walked out, saying he needed to cool off. He won’t answer his phone. And Suguru… I guess I chased him away.”

Leaning on the counter Hunter asked, “What do you mean you chased him away?”

It seemed surreal to be speaking so openly to this man, the one who stood at the focal point of their troubles. He sighed. “I was just having trouble coming to terms with it.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You were having trouble coming to terms with what?”

“That you and he…” Hiro couldn’t say the words so he shrugged instead, “you know.”

Hunter’s hand darted forward and gently but firmly grabbed his chin, turning Hiro’s head and lightly touching the bruise on his left cheek. “Did Suguru give you this?” Those black eyes were no longer full of humor.

“Yes,” he answered as he met the challenging stare.

“Good,” Hunter announced sharply as he withdrew his hand. “That means I don’t have to.”

Hiro glared at him.

“It will be a stunning bruise when all the colors form,” Hunter said with a chuckle. “By the way, what makes you think we slept together? Did Suguru tell you that?”

His chest tightened, was it possible? Hiro shook his head. “No. He didn’t tell me.”

Sipping his beer again and staring he said evenly, “Of course not, because we didn’t sleep together.”

“But he was in your shirt! And he was covered in hickeys.” It wasn’t possible. “Besides, that guy at the club told us Suguru kissed you.”

“Hmm, let me see if I understand what you are saying. You think based on a little circumstantial evidence and a kiss that we had a tryst?”

“Well… yes, I do. Kyosuke does too, didn’t you see him look at Suguru’s neck?”

“His neck?” Hunter seemed confused for a moment and then burst into laughter. “I can’t believe he didn’t tell you.”

His scalp prickled. “Tell me what?” If they hadn’t slept together… he’d treated Suguru badly and Kyosuke was missing over a misunderstanding.

Hunter’s laughter became a chuckle as he studied Hiro. Then he pointed at the plate and said, “I’ll tell you, but only if you eat. As I said earlier, I don’t wish to see two boys sick in twenty-four hours.”

Suddenly, things started to fall into place. “Is that why he was wearing your shirt because he drank too much?”

“And why he was fresh from the shower,” he nodded, “yes. Now eat.”

Hiro chewed on a piece of toast, his mouth dry making it difficult to swallow. Hunter handed him a glass of water. Kyosuke referred to this guy as a good friend and, in spite of his contrary feelings for Hunter, Hiro was beginning to understand why. He had a way of breaking through all the bullshit and getting to the heart of things. He was a lot like Suguru.

“You don’t seem so scary, Hiroshi,” he moved around the bar and sat on the other stool. “I think that maybe you’re simply ruled by your jealousy and that has a tendency to cloud judgment. It’s clear to me, and probably anyone else who’s paying attention, that Suguru loves you deeply.”

“Is that why he kissed you?” Hiro hadn’t meant it to come out as harsh as it did.

“Hmm, see there, jealousy.” Hunter drained his bottle of beer. “Maybe he was just lonely. Seems odd with two lovers, but sometimes you can even be lonely in a crowd. Sometimes people do unacceptable things to get attention, too.”

“Yeah,” Hiro agreed as he thought about the many times they’d left Suguru home and by himself, enough that he’d been desperate to find ways to fill his time. “Maybe.”

“He loves Kyo, too, but I think he’s confused by it. He doesn’t think Kyo loves him in return. He feels if he pushes too hard or makes too many demands; the two of you will be done with him.”

Hiro blinked. “He told you that?”

“It’s amazing what the most close-mouthed and introverted will say when there is a copious amounts of alcohol involved.”

“Did he say why he felt that way?”

“Something about crashing your party. He thinks like a union worker, you know last one hired, the first one fired.” He stood up and made his way to the refrigerator. “Want a beer?”

Hiro’s stomach turned. “No thanks.”

“Sometimes it helps, hair of the dog and all that,” Hunter chuckled as he opened the bottle of dark beer. “Are you surprised by what you are hearing?”

“Not really,” Hiro admitted. “I should have paid more attention to him.”

“Maybe,” Hunter shrugged as he leaned against the counter. “Or, maybe he was just looking for a way to act out, to piss you both off.”

“You think that’s why he kissed you?”

“Sure, I think that’s why he came on to me. He didn’t want me as much as he wanted you two to come get him. He knew about my past relationship with Kyosuke, he thought I was a safe gamble.” He frowned. “But it was a gamble, nonetheless. If I wasn’t such a nice guy, well, I think I’ll leave the rest to your imagination. He is tempting after all, and a tongue ring...” Hunter shivered.

Hiro glared at him again. “What about the hickeys?”

Hunter smiled. “Already had them when I got there.”

“What?” he swallowed, afraid to hear the next words.

“You gave them to him. At least I assume it was you and Kyosuke. I took one look at them and knew he was lying to me about not being in a relationship. End of story.” He grimaced, “It would have ended shortly after anyway, regardless. Throwing up tends to put a damper on the romantic mood.”

Suguru’s remorseful voice filled his head, Hiroshi… I didn’t. Hiro shook his head and said, “He wanted to sleep with you. I mean, he went home with you, kissed you, and he let you touch him.” Hiro felt a wave of nausea and it wasn’t from the hangover. “He wanted to sleep with you.”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” he chuckled knowingly. “Didn’t I tell you? He was moaning your name, cluing me in further that he wasn’t in to me.” He looked at the ceiling and sighed. “Ah, too bad, I’ve been alone for a long time now.”

“Moaning my name?”

He nodded. “He was also speaking Japanese, saying he loved you.”

Hiro blinked. “You speak Japanese?”

Hunter laughed again and shook his head. “No. Not a word, but with some phrases, it doesn’t matter what language they are spoken in. They don’t require a translation, especially when tears are involved.”

“Oh, fuck,” Hiro snarled. “Why does he have to be such a… brat? Why didn’t he just talk to us?” He snapped his narrowed gaze to Hunter’s impartial one. “Kyosuke’s crazy about him, you know that?”

“Is he?” Hunter smiled encouragingly as he sat down again.

“Yes,” Hiro explained. “When it’s just Kyosuke and me, he’s always talking about Suguru. He’s always trying to think of new songs or ways to make him laugh. Except when I’m being a drama queen, as he calls it. Then he focuses all his energy on me. I’ve been doing that a lot lately and I think it’s put a strain on everyone.” He stared at Hunter. “The Kyosuke I know doesn’t usually run off when things get tough, at least he didn’t before today.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear he’s more reliable, but I have to warn you, he never was very good dealing with lots of emotion,” Hunter took a drink of his beer. “It overloads him sometimes.”

Hiro frowned. “I don’t even know where he went. Sometimes it seems that I know so little about him.”

“He’s like that. If you ask him a question he doesn’t want to answer, he’ll charm you with silken, empty words and that winning smile and before you know it…” Hunter shrugged.

“Is that what he did to you?” Hiro asked, wondering when he had decided to confide in the enemy.

“Nah, our relationship was nothing more than a short cautionary tale. He thought he was in love with me. I told him he wasn’t,” Hunter took another drink. “He followed me around like a lost puppy. It hadn’t been that long since his friend, Lee, had died, and he was looking for someone so desperately. He thought I was it.”

In spite of himself, Hiro asked, “What happened?”

“The short story is, after he realized I was right and he wasn’t in love with me, he started sleeping with everyone. Men or women, it didn’t matter to him.” Hunter picked at the label on the beer bottle. “It turned that out I was the one in love with him. It broke my heart.”

Hiro swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

“No need for that, it’s ancient history. We make better friends, anyway,” Hunter shrugged again. “So, let’s talk about Suguru now. How do you feel about him?”

“He’s…” Hiro paused. How did he articulate his feelings for Suguru? His rock, his fan, his lover, his friend, he was all of that and more. He was the lifeline thrown to him during a storm. He was the one constant in Hiro’s life. “Suguru is everything to me”

“Then maybe you should go find him.” Hunter smiled.

“Yeah.”

Hiro stood and padded to the living room. He snatched up his phone and dialed.

“Ah, I wondered when you’d call me,” was the rough voice on the phone.

“Where is he, K?”

“He’s here, of course. Room 2218.”

“Thanks, K,” he exhaled with relief.

“Oh, and Hiro-kun?”

“Yes?”

“You didn’t hear that from me,” K chuckled. “He’s mad as hell at you, so I’d watch it if I were you. He doesn’t usually display that much emotion. What happened?”

“I’ll tell you later, K,” he looked up at a curious Hunter and smiled. “Right now, I just want to avoid the story turning into a cautionary tale.”

“Huh?”

Hiro hung up and moved completely back into the kitchen. He felt so much better and suddenly, he felt as if it might be possible to work things out with his angry lover. It only took a few more moments before he knew what he needed to do.

“Hey Hunter,” he began as he leaned on the kitchen counter again. “Suguru’s okay. He’s at the hotel and our manager is keeping an eye on him.”

“Is that so?” Hunter smiled at him. “You look as though you have a plan.”

“Of sorts.” Hiro explained and then he looked away. “I… um, thanks for your help today.”

“No problem,” The black eyes sparkled at him as he reached for his coat. “So, out of curiosity, how difficult will Suguru be to woo?”

Hiro laughed. “He is an immovable object when he wants to be.”

“How do you intend to counteract that?”

“Haven’t you guessed? I am the unstoppable force, the counterbalance to the immovable object.”

“What does that mean? Do you plan on going to the hotel and kicking his door down?”

“If I have to,” Hiro chuckled, “yes. He won’t admit it, but he likes that kind of thing. If I had more time, I’d get a tattoo.”

“A tattoo? I know you are desperate, but a tattoo is permanent. Not to mention that it hurts. It’s not something you should do on a whim,” he reasoned.

“It’s not a whim,” Hiro explained. “I’ve thought about it for a long while and now is the perfect time. Besides, a little pain might be good for me.”

“Don’t say that, that’s just wrong.”

Hiro laughed again. “Don’t say what? A little pain is good for me?”

“Yes!”

Hiro laughed harder. If you only knew…

Hunter shook his head, “How exactly does a tattoo prove your love? Do you plan to have Suguru’s name tattooed over your heart? That even sounds ridiculous.”

“Well, if I was actually getting it today, it would be the design he wanted me to get.”

“So the tattoo was Suguru’s idea?”

“Yeah, both of them, actually,” Hiro grimaced with the memory. He’d been particularly petulant that day when they had asked him. “I told them ‘no’ in a big way.”

“I see. I guess that does make some sense, then.” He chewed on his lip before he said, “Do you want me to go to the hotel with you? You know to help sort it all out?”

Hiro stared at the other man in surprise. After a long pause, he found himself chuckling. “Don’t tell me you are actually feeling bad about this? It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” He couldn’t help it, if they had met under different circumstances, he might have liked Hunter. Maybe. Of course, the fact that Hunter hadn’t actually slept with Suguru had much to do with his newfound tolerance.

Hunter smiled at him. “I’m not feeling bad, not at all. I think maybe you needed something of a wake up call.”

“Maybe,” Hiro agreed. After a moment he continued, "It won't be easy, but I don't plan on having Kyosuke come home to a house without him. I know Suguru loves us, now I just have to convince him that if he comes home, things will change."

"Well," Hunter nodded, "I think that’s my cue for me to be on my way."

"You know, I still don’t like you," Hiro said bluntly. "But I have to admit, Kyosuke has pretty good taste in friends."

"And boyfriends." Hunter moved to the stairs. “Don’t worry about Kyo,” Hunter added. “He’s probably driving like an idiot on the Autobahn by now, that’s what he usually does when he gets confused. I’d give him a couple of days before you panic, he’ll come home when he’s ready. Good luck, and be sure to give Suguru a kiss for me."

"I still don't like you," Hiro reminded him loudly.

He heard the throaty laugh just before the door closed.


On the off chance he could get a response from Suguru, he tried to call first. But, as he expected, he was unable to get through. He knew Suguru wouldn’t be able to resist listening to his message, so he left a properly groveling one and told him he was coming to the hotel to collect him. After that, he called Kyosuke and left a brief synopsis of what was happening. Then he took a shower to clear his head from the last of his drunkenness.

He took care to dress in one of Suguru’s favorite outfits, the ridiculously tight, black leather pants and a sky-blue, clingy button down shirt. Once he felt he had done the appropriate amount of grooming for his lover, he headed out to the living room, preparing to phone for a cab. That was when Tony materialized from the kitchen and surprised him.

"You startled me!" Hiro said as he tried to calm his rapid heartbeat. "You shouldn't sneak up on people, Tony!"

"Sorry." Tony's apology was unconvincing. "Hunter thought you might want a ride to the hotel to get Suguru-san."

"Did he?" Hiro snapped. Hunter was getting on his nerves again.

Tony gave him a look of amusement.

"Well, yes," Hiro sighed. "I do."

"Good," Tony answered. "I'm sure Suguru-san is tired of waiting for you."

"What?” he snarled.

Tony stared at him with the same look of amusement.

“Never mind. Hang on a minute," he instructed as he retrieved his favorite acoustic guitar and then headed for the stairs. "Kyosuke isn't here, so he'll have to do without the singing part."

"You sing all right," Tony said approvingly as he followed.

Hiro looked over his shoulder at the gigantic barrel-like man. "Do you know when Kyosuke is coming home?"

“Not yet. Nakamura called a short while ago from Germany."

"So, it is the Autobahn?" Hiro sighed.

“It is,” Tony answered.

Hiro ground his teeth, Hunter was right, again. Damn the man! "He’s such a fool," he hissed as he made his way to the black sedan. "What good is he if he's dead?"

"He'll be fine. It's his ‘thing,’" Tony said calmly. “Just as your ‘thing’ is music.”

Reaching the car door and turning to stare at the bodyguard, he raised an eyebrow. “Are you telling me he’s never hurt himself?”

Tony didn’t say anything but he had the decently to look away. “Sometimes men do foolish things when they are in love and hurting because of that love.”

Hiro nodded and then slid his guitar into the backseat of the car. “As I am about to prove.”

“Are you?” Tony grinned as he got into the drivers seat. “I will enjoy watching that.”

Rolling his eyes and getting into the front seat he replied, “Just drive, will you?”

“Of course, Nakano-san,” Tony agreed pleasantly.

Hiro sighed.

K met him and Tony as they came of the elevator at the twenty-second floor. “It’s about fucking time you arrived, Hiroshi. Your boyfriend is having some serious issues.”

“What do you mean?” Hiro asked sharply.

“There have been numerous reports of crashes and loud thumps coming from Suguru’s room.” K inhaled on his cigarette. “I think he’s pulled a Shuichi and thrashed his hotel room. And look at your cheek! Man, is he having a hissy-fit or what?”

“Looks like I finally managed to drive him over the edge, doesn’t it?”

K took a drag on his cigarette as he studied him. “What makes you think this is about you? Maybe this is just about him.”

Hiro started with the words. K was right. Once again, he’d tried to tie Suguru’s actions to himself. He really was selfish.

The three remained silent until they stood in front of room 2218.

Looking at Hiro with silent amusement K asked, “So, what’s your plan?”

He glared at his manager and stepped closer to knock on the door. “Suguru? Will you let me in?”

There was no answer. He leaned against the slab of wood separating him from Suguru. “Come on, ‘Guru-kun, we need to talk, please let me in.”

“Go away!” Suguru shouted and then hit the door with something hard enough to make Hiro jump back.

“Told ya,” K took one more drag of his cigarette and then smashed it into the nearest ashtray. “It’s Shuichi all over again.”

Something bigger hit the door causing K to jump this time as well. “I am NOT Shuichi!”

Hiro leaned against the door again. “’Guru-kun, let me in.”

Again, his only answer was silence.

“Fine,” Hiro said evenly, realizing what he’d told Hunter about breaking the door down was about to happen. “One way or another, I’m coming in.”

K and Tony stood side-by-side, grim and stony faced as Hiro took as many steps back as was possible in the narrow hallway. He got as much of a run as he could before he leaped at the door, shoulder first. It made an impressive noise but his efforts were easily repelled. He staggered back, loosing his balance and finally falling to the floor.

Tony and K stared for a moment and then burst into laughter. After reigning in his hysteria, K eventually regained enough control over his mirth to ask, “You didn’t hurt your arm did you?”

“No,” he growled as he climbed to his feet, rubbed his shoulder and paced off the hallway again.

He had the same the harmless effect to the door second time luck and the other two men fell back into their laughter. However, this time when he climbed to his feet, K blocked his way.

“You’re not stopping me,” Hiro warned.

“Who said I was stopping you?” K chuckled. “Although, Tohma will be pissed if we have another delay because Bad Luck’s guitarist has a broken arm.” He pulled out a plastic key card and showed it to Hiro.

“Fuck, K,” he grumbled as he rubbed his shoulder again. “You could tell a guy.”

“And miss this display of a territorial Hiroshi doing crazy shit for his true love? You gotta be kidding me. Ah, it’s just too bad all this drama isn’t for me,” K started a new round of laughter as he placed the key card in and pushed at the door.

It didn’t budge.

“He’s got the internal lock in place,” K hissed.

This time it was Hiro and Tony who laughed.

“Suguru-san is smarter than that,” Tony reminded them gently.

“Yeah, I suppose you are right,” K sighed. A moment the American withdrew a gigantic gun from under his jacket. “Well, I guess it’s back to plan B.”

Tony smiled at the gun and then held out his hand. “Please, allow me.”

“Be my guest,” K grinned as he handed over the keycard.

Hiro and K watched closely as Tony slid the card in place. The second the light flashed green, indicating the door was unlocked, he stepped back and kicked with lightening quickness. The metal lock inside broke loose with a horrendous crack as molding splintered free from the wall. The door swung open.

After a moment, Tony clapped Hiro on his back. “You’re up.”

K handed him his guitar. “Good luck, buddy, I think you’re gonna need it. You are entering a lion’s den. I find it’s always the quiet ones that have the fiercest temper.”

Hiro nodded in agreement, as he stepped through the doorway feeling a bit nervous. The first thing he noticed was the glass. Glittering mirrored glass, parts of light bulbs, and bits of drinking glasses littered the carpet. The entertainment armoire doors were gone and two drawers were missing. In the corner, a desk was on its side. The television looked very much as if the standing lamp had pummeled it. Hiro found himself agreeing with K’s assessment. The scene was eerily reminiscent of the bad days with Shuichi.

“’Guru-kun?”

“I told you to go away.”

Suguru was in the bedroom. There was a door to the bedroom, which was, Hiro had no doubt, locked. He set his guitar case on the coffee table and then dragged a glass-free chair close to the bedroom door. He returned to the table and opened the case. He carefully withdrew his guitar, hoping it was still somewhat in tune as he slung the strap over his now tender shoulder. Sitting in the chair, he began to play.

Hiro relaxed with the music. He let it wash over him, soothing him as he hoped it also soothed Suguru. He only played songs he’d collaborated with Suguru on, some included Kyosuke’s input, but he wisely stayed away from songs Shuichi helped write musically. He couldn’t avoid the fact that Shuichi had written most of the lyrics, but the music was all Suguru’s and his.

This might take a while, it might possibly take all night, but Hiro was okay with that. He had his guitar and his lover was close by. They would get through this, the way they always did.

At least, he hoped so.


TBC


Lyrics for Since You’re Gone by Ric Ocasek