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Learning to Play by Suteishichic	By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 5629 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Four ~ Mukahi

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

"Yeah?" Pulling back, Gakuto gave Yuushi a long look that ended with his sexiest smile. He heard his voice sound kinda husky with lust and emotions, but he shrugged and tried to act cool, "I just...I want you, Yuushi. I don't care what parts you use or don't use. Make us feel good, okay?"

Enough was enough. On with the good stuff, "Yuushi? I really wanna. Show me, okay?"

Looking suddenly boyishly cute, Yuushi smiled all lovey back at Gakuto. "Okay. Now remember, if you...if you want to stop or if there is something you don't enjoy..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you. Let's do this. Now how do you want me?" Gakuto asked and then wiggled around a little under Yuushi's weight. When they were kissing his legs kinda wrapped on their own around the tensai's naked torso with his ankles locked together behind Yuushi's lower back. It was kinda sexy, and didn't leave much to the imagination, but it wasn't gonna be easy to hold this pose forever. Yuushi was hard and his erection was in what Gakuto thought of as the hotdog position. Hot and hard and pressed right between Gakuto's buns.

Gakuto smiled at the thought and wondered when they were done if he should tell Yuushi the joke. It was kinda funny but only Yuushi liked dumb jokes and stuff like that.

But not now. No more distractions, because right now felt hot and hard and tempting maybe to even really let go and go all the way. Gakuto wondered how the hell the idiots Yuushi fooled around with thought the tensai was havin sex with them when he was only using his hands and stuff.

Gakuto thought of them being fooled when they were fooling around and decided to save that pun for Yuushi later too. He had to keep them on track so they could have some fun, "You want me on my belly again? Or like this?" To show the tensai an example and drawing it out so Yuushi would like it, Gakuto unhooked his ankles, and slid as much of his skin along the tensai's. Keeping the hotdog in place, he arched his back up like he woulda if Yuushi really was deep inside him.

The tensai made one of those approving humming sounds, and when Yuushi spoke with his accent it almost sounded like a purr, "Hmm...that is nice, but not...just yet..."

Yuushi lifted himself up on his arms and looked down. He focused his gaze directly at Gakuto's body and murmured something about Gakuto being a minx. Whatever that was. Sounded like something his Mom had a soft fur coat of. It sounded kinda sexy and not all lovey so Gakuto let it go insteada askin.

The tensai caressed his fingers up along Gakuto's ribcage. He looked all turned on and even hummed another moan. Gakuto wasn't sure why at first because clearly his cat-like arching move just wasn't doing as much as it shoulda for the tensai--but something was. Insteada focusing on the arch of Gakuto's spine, Yuushi was looking all fixated somewhere between Gakuto's chest and his stomach...and then he saw where Yuushi was looking at.

Oh.

There.

His nipples were hard probably from the kissing and because when Yuushi moved up offa him, their skin wasn't touching everywhere as much, so the temperature felt cooler.

Gakuto hated his nipples. No really, he did. He hated them. When his nips were hard they were kinda long and stuck out. Secretly, if there was some way to change a part of his body, before his height even Gakuto would change his nips. His sister took after their mom too in that area. One time when Gakuto was home he heard his mom and sister fighting. His sister was upset and she swore she was gonna get surgery when she was eighteen. She said she was sick of wearing bandaids under her bra to cover them all the time, but their mom said she would haveta wait until she was grown and on her own. His mom said they were perfect as they were and she didn't need surgery.

After he heard his mom and sister fighting, Gakuto thought about wearing bandaids. He seriously considered it, but with a locker room of guys to change in front of several times a day it was impossible. He would forever be made fun of if anyone caught him. Gakuto even once looked on the internet to see if he could cut his down or something. He found the prices for having his nipples fixed ridiculously high, so Gakuto gave it up. He couldn't take the time off of training so it just wasn't worth it. Especially when he read that he could have no feeling there. Lately with Yuushi, he really liked how they felt when someone sucked or licked on them, but he hated how they jutted out. And it wasn't just when he was turned on or because he got a chill, but the damn things got hard all the time. If he laughed hard, landed hard, yelled, hell, if he sneezed his nips popped up at attention. And they really stood out.

Atobe liked to point out whenever possible that Gakuto's nipples were not "normal" and he said they were especially not normal for a guy. He enjoyed making everyone look by stating Gakuto's nips, "... protruded in a most unseemly and obscene manner for any male of our species." The first time Atobe said it was the first time Gakuto ever dared to punch Atobe and even in the heat of his rage and embarrassment Gakuto didn't dare hit the bastard in the face. He ended up slamming his fist into Atobe's arm. Not the guy's tennis arm. Gakuto really wasn't stupid. Still, Assholebe would comment even knowing he might get punched again. Or worse. Everyone said Gakuto had a bite that might be worse than his bark--and that his bark was damn formidable.

Assholebe didn't seem to care. Even when Gakuto verbally attacked him, the idiot kept doing it. If anyone else called Atobe a homo or pervert they woulda probably been thrown off the sub-regs, but for some weird reason Atobe seemed to like how the nipple jokes made Gakuto furiously fight back. Almost like Atobe was showing everyone how brave he was. Like he had bigger balls for daring to do this or something.

It was so damn annoying, but it happened all the time. And Gakuto couldn't let his guard down. He had to get all riled up and fight back every time because if he didn't in front of the other guys, it woulda left him vulnerable. Gakuto knew the only reason everyone else didn't ride him about his nips or anything else was because they were afraid of what Gakuto would say and do to them if they dared to do any more than glance at his chest. But they glanced. All the time. Like they'd never seen a damn hard nipple before. Idiots.

The only one who never seemed to stare at his nipples, even when Atobe commented, was Yuushi.

But before Gakuto could react or call Yuushi a pervert for staring, the tensai practically pounced and began to cover his chest with kisses.

He kissed and licked and swirled his mouth and tongue over Gakuto's skin everywhere but his nipples like the tensai couldn't get enough of the rest of him. After several minutes of neglect, Gakuto found himself laying on his back practically writhing in pleasure on the bed trying to get Yuushi to lick him there.

Finally Yuushi ran the tip of his tongue softly over each one in turn. But it was light and soft. So light it was almost driving Gakuto crazy, but he waited to see what Yuushi would do next.

And he liked Yuushi like this even if he hated waiting. The tensai was clearly all turned on. Sexy. Having fun. In control. It was hot and it was fun. It was much better than how Yuushi was earlier.

After an eternity with the gentle licks, Yuushi tenderly sucked on his right nipple. Like it was a thing to be cherished instead of just a guy's nipple. The touch was so damn soft that Gakuto moaned wanting more and finally decided he was gonna have to take control. He moved his nipple up and between Yuushi's lips over and over again. Which not only felt good, but was kinda hot. It seemed to be what the tensai wanted him to do. It was like his hard little nip was fucking Yuushi's mouth. Gakuto moaned and smiled at doing this and thought only another guy would understand why this was so hot. For the first time ever, Gakuto wondered if he could orgasm just from this.

It almost seemed possible, but then just as he was thinkin he might be gettin close, the tensai stopped. Yuushi worked his mouth across and started doin the same to his other side. After he was done letting Gakuto's left nip do his mouth, the tensai helped Gakuto turn over onto his belly. Gakuto waited, very curious to see what was going to happen next. He wondered what he was going to feel. He wanted to see how all those idiots thought that other stuff Yuushi did to them felt like sex, but at first all Yuushi did was go back to massaging him. Yuushi rubbed the muscles of his neck, his back, and then his legs before concentrating on his butt muscles. Gakuto was already relaxed though. Relaxed and anxious to get to some more good stuff. His belly was flat on the bed and his hands were resting on each side. It was all he could do to keep from starting to shake his leg or rock his hips just to move.

An eternity later, Yuushi separated his cheeks and licked his entrance lightly. Soft. Like here too was a place to be savored and touched tenderly. And Yuushi hummed a moan. Gakuto could feel it as well as hear it while Yuushi was licking him. Gakuto's erection was between his legs and pointing down towards his feet. He wondered if it curved slightly even then just about the time Yuushi ran what felt like his own erection over Gakuto's tip.

Yuushi's hand moved under him and re-arranged Gakuto's testicles and hard length for more access before Yuushi stroked Gakuto's tip with what musta been his own again. Gakuto arched his hips slightly to give the tensai more room to work with and was rewarded with another stroke of the tensai's tip on his own. Gakuto even felt a drop of wetness from Yuushi's tip slide along his sensitive skin there.

While he was doing that, Yuushi kept running a fingertip around Gakuto's entrance. Massaging that hard area relaxed and making Gakuto want more than a fingertip caressing him outside.

Yuushi slid his hands around Gakuto's cheeks and skin more and Gakuto realized he had stiffened his muscles up. He wanted more. His erection twitched as Yuushi rubbed his hands near it, but not on it. Stroking his cheeks with long, sure caresses, Yuushi pulled them apart and his tongue licked up from Gakuto's testicles to that soft skin between. Yuushi went back to licking around Gakuto's entrance with these tongue flips and swirls that had Gakuto sighing in want.

Gakuto needed something to do. He tried to reach his hands around to touch Yuushi too while the tensai was doing all this, but he couldn't feel him. Yuushi sounded like he was smiling when he asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." Gakuto heard his voice was kinda short of breath. He was into what Yuushi was doing and wanted more. Needed more. "Wanna touch you too, Yuushi."

Dismissively the tensai said, "I'm fine, lover. Lift your hips up again so I can reach more of you, or just get on your knees."

More. Damn. That sounded good and now he could finally move. Gakuto did as he was asked by going on all fours. He arched his back to give the tensai full access.

Yuushi hummed a moan and said, "You're so beautiful, do you know that?"

Gakuto stifled a giggle. He knew he had a nice ass and that this was an area most people didn't like to show of themselves, but beautiful? Stupid tensai. The thing was, Yuushi sounded all turned on and like he meant it. Gakuto smiled more thinking about it. He was still thinking and smiling when Yuushi went from stroking with his hands to sucking on one of Gakuto's testicles. The tensai sucked it softly up into his warm, wet mouth and then licked wetly up to his entrance.

Gakuto whimpered as he felt Yuushi's hand close around his erection. The tensai's other hand must have been outside Gakuto's entrance. He felt something there. It had to be a finger, right? Yuushi said make love but he also said they weren't ready for sex. Gakuto felt something pressing into him, slowly sliding into him.

Where or when Yuushi got lube Gakuto didn't know but it felt wet and so damn good he mostly didn't care. He told himself to just shut up and enjoy it. It felt like there was more than one person touching him and pleasuring him. Multiple Yuushis. Giving multiple orgasms. The joke made him smile and Gakuto whimpered at the hot ideas as Yuushi's finger or fingers or whatever the hell it was moved inside him. Gently softening him up there and stretching him.

It must have been more than one finger because Yuushi was doing that so good tensai scissoring thing. Twisting, swirling and then Gakuto felt what had to be a tongue wet and hot on his entrance along with Yuushi's fingers still moving inside him. Gakuto moaned as the fingers and tongue moved in and out. He was up on his knees and bucking his hips in time with the rhythm.

Gakuto's forehead went down on a pillow to hold himself up so his hands were free. One of his hands moved to his erection and the other moved quickly to one of his hard nipples. He wasn't even aware that he had replaced Yuushi's hand on his erection with his own and was stroking himself fast.

He groaned in disappointment as the fingers or whatever it was inside him withdrew. Even Yuushi's mouth was gone and Gakuto could feel Yuushi moving on the bed behind him.

Gakuto drew in a sharp breath when he felt something else pressed up against his entrance. It was hard and hot and soft at the same time. It could only be one thing and suddenly he felt more wetness there. The cool kind. Like lube poured on him. Yuushi waited posed like that almost like he was hesitating or maybe the tensai was asking for permission.

He knew he would give permission to the tensai but all Gakuto felt besides really turned on was disappointment. It flooded through him and surprised him how much it hurt with an pang in the middle of his chest. He nodded into the pillow and felt bitter disappointment and an angry feeling of almost resentment wash through him. He was sickened at how much his body wanted this, seemed to almost crave the joining and the release, but his heart didn't want this. Not at all. It was too soon. It felt wrong. He wanted it to be different with Yuushi.

Okay, that was stupid. That was so stupid. He wasn't some damn girl losing his virginity here, but he wondered why the hell did it always have to be like this?

Gakuto fought back sudden hot, angry tears as he wondered why he could never get this right with anyone. He shut his eyes hard to fight against the tears that if his face wasn't shoved into a pillow woulda spilled out. He swallowed them down tasting salt and bitterness. Gakuto hoped this wasn't gonna hurt. He felt a fresh rush of fear that mixed in a dizzying way with his desire. He hated himself for being such a slut. If this was what Yuushi wanted and needed--if this is what the tensai thought should happen, well he wasn't gonna stop him. He did want Yuushi. At least his body did. He fought off his stupid, lovey, useless feelings and said just like he always had, "Yeah. Go ahead. Do it. Do me. Fuck me."

A tiny ray of hope pierced his heart. Gakuto actually felt the sting of it bloom in his chest and tug at him like a net cranked too tight. Maybe this wouldn't happen. Maybe because Gakuto couldn't see, maybe just like all the other idiots who thought Yuushi had sex with them, maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was wrong and it was okay. Maybe this just felt like the real thing but was really some kinda smart tensai trick.

Hope hurt and once it started, the want of this not being real wouldn't stop. Almost like the hopeful feelings were painfully lodged and stuck in the back of his throat like when you swallow something wrong. And even though Gakuto knew holding on to hope would probably only disappoint him, the feeling wouldn't go away. He considered what was pressed up against him and tried to shake off the hope, but at the same time in case this was real, he kinda felt like he had to find something else to hold on to.

Gakuto had a thought that maybe what he should do this time was to hold on to Yuushi. Maybe right now wasn't perfect timing for him, but he still could make it good for Yuushi. It was gonna be the tensai's first time after all. Wasn't it? That was what Yuushi said and the tensai wouldn't lie to him. Even though Yuushi kinda lied about this, but maybe after all this time of holding back, Yuushi just couldn't resist the temptation anymore.

He tried to quickly re-assess the situation like how their coach always told them. Don't let your emotions cloud your motions. He was spread eagle and buck naked like there was gonna be a Gakuto buffet tonight. They had been kissing and touching all night. Yuushi might be a genius, but he was still an idiot about things. It was very possible the tensai missed the signals Gakuto was throwing out there that he really did wanna wait. It wasn't like tennis where he was using clear signal play to tell the tensai exactly what he wanted.

Yuushi might not wanna disappoint him. The stupid tensai might be doing this outta love just to show Gakuto how okay Yuushi was willing to be. Gakuto realized that the problem with being a slut or at least someone who really loved sex was sometimes people thought if they didn't keep up, he would dump them. That was the problem with being a slut and with people thinkin you were a slut. People thought you wanted it all the time. Gettin into the moment made people think you wanted to go all the way all the time. It'd happened with girls before. They would wanna go to the sex right away. Kinda to claim him and kinda to keep him. Like his lab partner. She thought that if she could just make Gakuto sleep with her, she would be his.

He believed with all of his heart Yuushi wouldn't hurt him, well at least not physically. But he was sure, very sure Yuushi wouldn't mean to hurt him. Yuushi probably didn't have a clue that while all the foolin around was great, Gakuto really did wanna wait and that his feelings were kinda hurt.

And if Gakuto said it now, well it might be worse for Yuushi next time. Yuushi might think he was doin something wrong and that was why Gakuto wanted to stop.

Yuushi wouldn't do this if he knew it was hurting Gakuto. Even if it was hurting just his stupid feelings the tensai woulda stopped, and that had to count for something, right? Maybe Yuushi really did love him or at least had real feelings for him. And anyone who really knew Yuushi knew the tensai just sucked at reading people. Maybe their next time would be better. Maybe Yuushi would still want Gakuto to be his first as seme. Maybe everything would be okay. Gakuto relaxed and waited for the feeling of Yuushi entering him. He would have to relax a lot because Yuushi was probably the biggest he"d been with. Gakuto exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding in and prayed he was ready so it didn't hurt too bad.

Once he relaxed, something did enter him, but it didn't feel at all like Yuushi's erection. Or any erection. It was soft and very wet and moved more like a tongue, but it didn't feel like that. It was too big to be a tongue. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't like anything he ever felt before. Gakuto wondered what the hell and wanted to look back to see what was going on. He didn't feel Yuushi move on the bed in any kind of a thrust and nothing was going on but that...whatever it was...kept moving inside him. Weird.

Gakuto tried to roll up more on the top of his head to look down between his legs but only saw a little corner of flickering firelight glowing off lots of skin. No specific details. The tongue thing didn't feel bad, just not what he expected, and then when he thought it couldn't get any weirder, he felt something he had never felt before. It was like a...suction kinda feeling. Not bad, just really strange. And then he felt pressure like something was entering him again, but whatever it was had no...shape. It was hot and wet but it was like a ghost was doing him. It was kinda good. Then that strange sucking feeling again soon followed by more pressure of whatever it was going back into him. Gakuto moaned but didn't know he did it until he heard himself.

At his moan, everything stopped for a few seconds as if Yuushi was pausing to make sure he was okay, and then it started up again. Vacuum suck out and then ghost push in with that formless, warm, wet...thing. He felt Yuushi's hands touching him again. On his hips like Yuushi was behind him, doing him, but Gakuto knew it wasn't real sex. But if Yuushi hadn't told him, he mighta not known. He wanted Yuushi to know he was liking it, kinda, so Gakuto moved one of Yuushi's hands off his hips and put it on his erection to show he was hard again. Yuushi's other hand moved to play with his testicles and the tensai rolled them and softly pulled down on them in a good way. Gakuto whimpered.

And Yuushi did that humming moan in response. It was only the vibration that let Gakuto finally know Yuushi was doing this, whatever the hell this was, with his mouth.

Okay, what the hell was Yuushi doin? Gakuto's mind raced to figure out what it was. The only thing he could come up with was how Yuushi let him do his mouth with his nipple. It was kinda the opposite of that. He musta been using his saliva in and out of Gakuto. Jealously, Gakuto wondered how many other people Yuushi had done something so intimate and strange with. Gakuto knew he was clean, hell they had just taken a bath, but Yuushi really did this to girls and other guys? It felt way too personal and private to share with lots of other people.

Okay, the thinking of Yuushi doing this with other people. That had to stop. That was giving him the opposite of a hard on. What the hell did you call that? A soft on?

Yuushi's hand on his waning erection stopped and he felt something solid and warm, maybe fingers, enter him too. Yuushi never stopped the sucking and pressure stuff, but his fingers now moved in exactly the opposite way. It kinda felt like Gakuto imagined two guys in him would feel. Each would have their own pace and rhythm. Their own speed and style of moving. Gakuto moaned as he realized what Yuushi was doing. Like really doing. Damn tensai. One was slow and the other very fast and each speed and rhythm were the exact ones Gakuto liked. Gakuto couldn't help it and moaned, "Ohhh...feels good, Yuushi. Want you...make it good...make it so good..."

But then it all stopped.

Before he could turn around to ask what the hell, he felt Yuushi move behind him again. Oh. Damn. Him and his big stupid mouth. This time though there was no doubt as the tensai's knees moved in an unmistakable push to spread Gakuto's legs further apart. Yuushi musta been lining himself up to enter him for sex. One hand was spreading Gakuto to hold him open. Fingers slid inside him as if to hold him as wide as possible for the first thrust inside and when he felt movement beside him on the bed and looked, the tensai's other hand was crawling around like a crab.

No. Like it was searching for something.

What the hell?

But if it was gonna be sex, it kinda made sense to Gakuto. Yuushi's other hand, the crab-like one still moving around the bed musta been searching for a condom.

But it was weird too. It was like Yuushi was not there. There were no condoms on the bed. Not unless Yuushi secretly brought one back with him with the strawberry stuff.

This didn't feel right. It felt more right and intimate before when Yuushi started doing that sucking whatever thing. And it didn't even feel like Yuushi was behind him. It felt like it could just be any guy. And like Gakuto was just a hole, insteada the person the tensai loved or had feelings for. Like the tensai was paying Gakuto or they'd hooked up at a party. It wasn't personal. There were no feelings behind doing this. Gakuto had no idea what the hell Yuushi was feeling or thinking because there was no passion in this. It was gonna be like gettin fucked by a robot instead of Yuushi and that was all wrong.

This wasn't about making Yuushi's first time good because it didn't feel like Yuushi was even there. It coulda been anyone behind Gakuto getting ready to fuck him. Hell, it coulda been Sato behind Gakuto and even that woulda felt more personal and had more feelings behind it. This felt like...nothing. It was cold. It was impersonal. It was wrong.

It was like Yuushi checked out mentally and was no longer in the room. Yakkity Yuushi had left the building or at least for once gone silent. Gakuto was worried about him. This wasn't normal. Not even for weird Yuushi.

Gakuto felt kinda afraid. He licked his lips which had suddenly gone dry, "Hey...?" His voice sounded small even to himself. Gakuto cleared his throat, "I...uh...hey...?"

He couldn't see the tensai to see what was going on. He couldn't smell Yuushi or taste him or touch him. He couldn't kiss him. That had to change. This wasn't right. The moving hand gave up it's search when he said hey the second time, and the moving hand grabbed him at the hip as if to line them up.

"Yu...Yuushi? No...wait...stop! STOP!"

Yuushi instantly froze, but he sounded all weird when he asked, "What's wrong?" The tensai's arm which had been clamped around Gakuto's hip holding him firmly for the first thrust now let go. "Oh. Oh, Gakuto...was I...was I hurting you? Gakuto...I...I'm sorry...I..."

He felt Yuushi move and something in the tensai's voice alarmed him even more, "I..."

Gakuto turned to look at him.

Yuushi's hands were covered his mouth as if in horror. His eyes met Gakuto's and it looked like Yuushi was going to cry or scream or something. His muffled voice sounded like he was the one shaking now, "Gakuto...I..."

Gakuto wasn't sure what to do but he did want to close the space between them. With one hand he grabbed both of Yuushi's and gently pulled them down to uncover his mouth. Gakuto didn't let go of the tensai's hands. "Yuushi...? Hey...uh..."

"I'm sorry," Yuushi sounded like he was going to shatter. His hands suddenly grasped onto Gakuto's, "Did I hurt you? Please, please my beloved, please tell me I didn't hurt you..."

"Yuushi, look at me." He didn't think the tensai could see him through the tears filling his eyes. Yuushi was looking at him but not seeing him. It was like the tensai was looking right through him and seeing something else.

Gakuto scooted closer to sit almost in his lap. He kept holding onto Yuushi's hands. Softer he said, "Hey, look at me. I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. You would never hurt me. And I wanted to. I really did want to, but I kinda didn't cause we said we were gonna wait and all so I was gonna let you but then you were kinda being strange so..."

"Gakuto, I don't even remember...when I..." One of Yuushi's hands moved to cup his chin and his voice stretched out tight like a tennis string just before it snaps. "I might hurt you even though I would not mean to. I might still hurt you. Gakuto, I love you. I love you so much. I truly do love you, but I don't know if you should be with me because I...I meant it when I said I was fucked up. I could hurt you and I might not even realize it when it happens...and I would not even remember it after. In fact, when I tell you this, I think I am probably going to hurt you and I never meant to lie to you...I swear, I swear on my worthless life I didn't mean to, but you need to know this because I...I think I...I don't remember it but I think maybe I...I think maybe I really have had sex before, Gakuto..." The tensai's face twisted into an ugly, painful mask, "I'm sorry. I don't remember. I really don't, and I never wanted to hurt you..."

"And...you didn't. So, shut up." Gakuto didn't wanna hear anymore. He wanted to make it stop. He felt like he was gonna be sick. He moved closer to the tensai to now sit in his naked lap. He reached up and even though Yuushi's face was still all ugly, Gakuto kissed him because if he didn't, he felt like he was gonna lose Yuushi. He kissed him over and over again and worried when Yuushi didn't kiss him back. He kept letting Gakuto kiss him though.

The last thing in the world Gakuto wanted was for Yuushi to be hurt or even worse to break up with him. His mind raced desperately to put together what the tensai was saying. Like a messed up computer he was stripping it all down to it's basic parts and trying to put it back together in a way that could make it work again. "You didn't hurt me, Yuushi." Okay the tensai did a little but, "You didn't lie to me because you didn't really remember. You don't really remember if you had sex before, right?"

"No..." More scary, ugly, twisted face Yuushi, "No, but obviously I must have at some point..." Yuushi gestured to their former positions to show what must have happened if at all. "But I don't know..." the tensai's voice cracked on the last word. "I don't remember even just before with you when I, but I almost..."

"Wait, stop." He had to think. "Well first of all," Gakuto reached up and put his arms around the tensai. Yuushi sat there almost unmoving and it really worried Gakuto when the tensai didn't slide his arms around him. Gakuto was seriously afraid Yuushi would say it was over and then what the hell was he gonna do? "First of all don't leave me. You know what our coach always says, right?"

The tensai was silent a long moment and with that ugly twisted face said bitterly, "Love is pain?"

Gakuto gave a little snort because he knew this was a sarcastic response which was a first, small good sign. "Yeah, that but also we're stronger when we stand together than we ever would if we were apart. You and I are like that. We're gonna figure this out. First of all it doesn't count if you did it with anyone else before because you weren't with me, remember? I mean it Yuushi. You can't even remember if you did or didn't so it damn sure doesn't count. But it does now. From now on it counts. If we're at some party and you wanna go off with some other guy or even some girl, insteada looking for a condom you better come find me. We do him or her together or something," Ouch that kinda hurt. Yuushi wantin someone else hurt like hell. Gakuto shook his head to shake the feeling off, "Well, I don't know, we can figure it out when it happens, but I mean it, Yuushi." Gakuto pulled back to look at the tensai. It hurt to think of Yuushi having sex with someone else but then when he thought of Yuushi being a robot like that, well that was just weird. And heartbreaking. And scary.

Yuushi said through tears, "I don't want anyone else but you." He looked and sounded miserable and like a little kid who was pouting. "I wanted to make you mine tonight...but I didn't want to hurt you."

Gakuto kissed him on the lips, "Yeah, well I don't want anyone else but you either, but just in case it ever happens from now on we're gonna come find each other. And I don't think we're gonna have to worry about who is making who theirs since we're not gonna be with anyone else, okay?"

Nodding the tensai quietly said, "Yes." He quickly followed it up with another, "Gakuto, I'm sorry..."

"Well stop. Don't be. Although you gave me hell of a lot of work to do. I'm gonna have to go back over everyone who you supposedly slept with and find out what happened. What really happened. Then we'll know, okay?"

"Gakuto, you don't have to..."

"Ha! Are you insane? Yuushi, you know me. You know I'm gonna haveta do this or it's gonna bug the hell outta me! But you can help. Together we can go over your journals and emails and letters and stuff and see if there are any clues. Plus you can tell me what you do remember about things that happened and things that you felt after. Like if you were sore or anything hurt like your muscles or back or your ass the next day after a date or a party. You use muscles you don't normally use when you have sex. And you know what else?"

The tensai shook his head no still looking miserable.

Gakuto's brain was chugging along now at his usual fast rate and his mouth struggled to keep pace, "I bet when you're like that and don't remember it's probably kinda like when coach or Atobe yells at you for being a robot on the tennis courts. You know when you say you're bored or tired or something? How you play then. Remember when you played that Izu-whatever guy before this season at Atobe's? After the first serve you went into that robot thing, remember? I asked you after what happened and you said something about it...what the hell did you say?"

Seeming calmer now the tensai said, "I said the last thing I remembered was you laughing at how bad the guy's hair was, how furious Fukawa was at you, and then next thing I knew I won and the match was over. I really don't remember playing him. It...it happens sometimes, you know? I mean, it's never happened when I'm with you until earlier, but you might have heard about it from someone else. Girls often say it happens with them on a date, and then sometimes when I'm taking a test that I find very simple and dull, the next thing I know it's over. It's really never happened when I'm with you or around you before. Perhaps because you never bore me and I find you to be an intriguing, exciting, and captivating mystery, or perhaps it's because I always try to be at my best when you're near. I've never discussed this with anyone before. If a person in the past said that I was acting that robotic kind of way, I just tell them they're dreadfully dull or make a joke but the truth is...the truth is that sometimes I...I lose time."

Seeming to not realize it, Yuushi when talking started playing with Gakuto's part. He seemed to hold Gakuto more firmly in his arms at the same time which made Gakuto feel better.

Gakuto ignored the annoying hairplay. Anything to have Yuushi back and feeling better and not wanting to break up. Maybe he should keep Yuushi talking plus what the tensai said didn't make any sense. "What do you mean, lose time? When you act like a robot?"

The tensai shrugged, "I mean just that. It's sort of like amnesia where I won't know or remember what happened. I'll sit down to take a test or go play a match and next thing I know, hours have passed by but I can't remember doing anything. It happened during tennis occasionally. Sometimes before you ere my roommate I would go to take a walk and not come back for hours. When I come back I'll be dirty or tired but I won't remember anything. A few times I would I think to myself that I should eat dinner, and only then do I realize that I'm full. I must have stopped somewhere and ate but I can't remember where or what I ate. That's why at parties I don't drink alcohol in case I forget things, and that's why I started keeping a journal years ago."

Yuushi frowned. "When I was overseas at school people would come up to me and I wouldn't know them. They'd say hello like we were good friends and I wouldn't remember who they were. Next thing I know I would be unlocking my door at home and hours had passed. I would only know if we'd gone out to eat because I had a receipt in my pocket or leftovers in a bag I was carrying in my hand. I had friends that I didn't know. And more than once, when bullies or someone tried to beat me up, I wouldn't remember what happened, but I would suddenly be home washing blood off my clothes. Their blood. Later I would find out that I fought back and beat them up, but I wouldn't remember being there or anything that happened. If I try to remember things from times when I can't I end up giving myself a headache so I try to not remember, but I will help you however I can." The tensai had made the front of Gakuto's hair into that "V" shape again, but now he smoothed it back in a way Gakuto hated even more because the scar on his forehead would be visible.

Frowning with a crease in the center of his forehead Yuushi hesitated as if picking his words carefully. He started to trace the outline of the scar with his fingertips as if touching something precious and valuable, "This is why I worry about hurting you." The tensai closed his eyes as if they hurt or he had a headache, "Please don't ever let me hurt you...I really didn't mean to..."

Gakuto reached up and put his hands around the back of the tensai's neck, "I won't and...you didn't. You stopped when I said stop. What's the last thing before that you remember?"

Yuushi smiled, "You were looking gorgeous and you said you wanted to. You asked me what position I wanted you in...and then next thing I knew you were yelling at me to stop." The tensai seemed to bury his head in the space between Gakuto's neck and his shoulder. "I'm too weird, aren't I?"

It was asked in a joking manner, but Gakuto knew Yuushi was serious. The tensai was giving him an out almost like he was unable to break up with Gakuto either. Which was a good thing even if it did kinda piss Gakuto off. If he didn't want Yuushi, Gakuto wouldn't have been there. And stupid Yuushi knew that. Didn't he? He had to.

It was even more upsetting though because all that time Gakuto had no idea Yuushi was in that weird robot mode. He said Gakuto was a minx or whatever and the kissing was hot, but he also called Gakuto lover in a way that looking back now, Gakuto didn't like then. It was impersonal kinda, but at the time it happened Gakuto blew it off because he was anxious to get to the good stuff, but he shoulda been listening.

Not that there was anything wrong with being called lover, even if it did feel dorky, but it was wrong how Yuushi said it. Which was hard to explain to anyone else, but Gakuto kinda thought Yuushi was more likely to call him something lovey and goofy like, "my love" or "my beloved" than lover. Even during sex. Especially before their first time. And there was something about the way Yuushi said it that just felt wrong, but Gakuto couldn't quite put his finger on what was so bad and off about it.

Gakuto ran his fingers up through Yuushi's now crazy hair. Stupid tensai. He was gonna have to keep a close eye on him. "You're not too weird Yuushi, just weird enough for me. Now come here and lay down. We're gonna take this slower and you owe me huge. Don't even think of going robot on me either, but if you think you're gonna go that way at any time, then say something, if you can."

"Gakuto...you...you still want to be with me?" Yuushi seemed perplexed.

Stupid, moronic, idiotic tensai. "Duh. What was your first clue? Move. On your back. We're gonna do this my way."

"I should get tested..." Yuushi still moved to lay on his back, "I don't know where I've been or what I've done or who I may have been with. I don't want to hurt you, my beloved."

See? Gakuto rolled his eyes and climbed on top of the tensai pushing Yuushi down with his hand in the center of the tensai's chest. "We get tested every month for everything. Including the DNA test for AIDS which is like 99.999 percent accurate. You're fine. I'm fine. We're not gonna go all the way right now anyway. We're safe. It's okay. You're not gonna hurt me. You won't hurt me. You wanna stop and just go to sleep, then you say so at any time. I'm not gonna be mad. I promise. And I promise from now on I'm not gonna let you hurt me or go all robot on me, okay? Look, it's kinda like tennis and we're new partners. We're gonna have to work out some signals and we will. But that comes with time. So turn off your big dumb brain and let's play. I wanna come and I wanna come with you." Gakuto bit his bottom lip and said what he was thinking out loud, "I kinda...I kinda needta now, Yuushi, okay? I want you to come with me and not like a robot. I want you to remember. I want us to feel good and be together."

Yuushi's brain though was still working. The tensai looked like he was trying to figure out new things to get worked up over or new problems to worry about.

Gakuto got a little mad and raised his hand to tick off his points as he made them up, "Look, it's very simple, but I'm gonna explain it to you anyway so there's nothin to be confused about. You have feelins for me and I have feelins for you. We both had a shitty day today. We've both had fucked up things happen to us in our past. On top of our shitty day today we both..." Gakuto tried to find a word that fit. Something that the tensai would like and finally did, "We both dredged up shit from our pasts and shared like we never shared with anyone ever before. It was big and horrible and we cried and stuff but the most important thing of all is even with all those shitty things that happened and all the shitty things we talked about..." Gakuto for some stupid reason had a tight knot in his throat like he was gonna cry.

Again. Damn it, he wasn't gonna let that happen. He swallowed to get it down and when he talked around it Gakuto heard his voice sound tight and hoarse, "The most important thing is we're still here. Together. There isn't anywhere else I wanna be and there isn't anyone else I wanna be with and I think you feel the same. In fact, except for the shitty parts and things, all of the other times today and tonight I've spent with you are some of the best I've ever had. The only thing that's changed as far as how I feel about you is I think I feel closer to you now more than ever. Even with what just happened, even that is okay and gonna be okay and you know that's a big deal for me, but I'm fine. I can handle it and I wanna help you just like if it was something for me you'd help me, right?"

"Yes..." Yuushi said it quietly, but Gakuto could tell he was there and listening and not in robot mode.

Before the tensai could say anything else, Gakuto went on, "So what I want now, maybe what I need now, I guess is for us to go back to what's normal for us. I don't wanna think about stuff all tonight. I'm too tired to think of new problems. I'd rather deal with the ones we have tomorrow, but now I want our normal. And normal for us is we come together..."

Yuushi looked concerned and like he was going to interrupt.

Gakuto shrugged, "You'll try. If you can't then we'll try again tomorrow. But either way normal for us is gonna be we come together and then we go to sleep together like we're in our bed together back at Hyoutei. Because if we..." Gakuto swallowed down that lump again, "If we can do that then we can get through anythin. And that...that's what I really, really wanna do. With you. Okay, now say somethin because...because now I'm worried since you're not sayin anything..."

"Come here," the tensai gently pulled Gakuto beside him and rolled to his side.

Gakuto worried that Yuushi was going to say something else bad or maybe that he didn't want that or maybe he just didn't want them to be together.

Maybe he was too scared of hurting Gakuto to try, but then the tensai said, "I love you. I love you more than life itself..."

Gakuto licked his lips which had suddenly gone very dry. He couldn't believe this. He couldn't believe Yuushi was going to break up with him. What the hell was he gonna do now? His heart ached like he had been hit by a punch in the center of his chest and he didn't think he could take in a breath. In almost a whisper Gakuto added, "But..."

Thanks for being patient everyone!

I'm working on more including some originals which I hope to get up over this weekend.

I'll cross post them here and make a new journal for original stuff.

I also want to get suteishichic.com back up, but I have writing to catch up on and post first *grin*
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Learning to Play by Suteishichic