Misery in the Mountains

"Here we are!" I said, grinning as I lead past a group of trees to a large cave. The entrance was overgrown with thick vegetation, so unless you knew where to look, it was pretty much invisible. A river of clear water passed the cave, and the trees around it were thick and shady.


"I'm certainly glad you at least know your way around," Hakkai said, looking around. "We would've been
lost hours ago!"


"It's not an inn, but it's better than sleepin' outside," said Gojyo, scanning the cave with his red eyes.


"Glad you approve, master," I said with a mock bow, then started walking towards the cave. "We couldn't have timed this better," I said, eyeing the growing shadows. "Sun's goin' down, and I have no desire to go trekking around at night." I walked up to the overgrown entrance and grabbed my left arm. Moving faster than could be seen by the naked eye, the vegetation was suddenly lying at my feet, slahed with one swing.


"Whoa!!" said Goku, seeing the plants suddenly lying at my feet and seeing me holding a long, gleaming sword in my right hand. "How'd you do that?!"


"How long have you been carryin' a sword around?" Sanzo asked, watching me carefully.


"The whole time," I grinned and swinging the sword until it pointed down, stabbed it into my arm and shoved it until the hilt touched my skin. "What're you doing?!" Goku cried, jumpng forward, along with Hakkai and Gojyo. "Have you lost your mind?!" Gojyo roared, staring at me with wide eyes.


"If you stopped freaking out, you might learn something," I said and held up my arm for six pairs of eyes, red, gold, and green, to look over and widen in shock. There was no blood, no bone, no blade sticking through my arm. The simple, leather bound hilt was still sticking up from my arm, but the blade had disappeared. With a satisfied grin, I pulled the hilt up a few inches and the gleaming blade could be seen, then shoved it back down and the blade was gone.


"Like the ink for my tattoos, this came from my grandfather. Its got some kind of magic charm or seal over it, so I can stab myself but the blade disappears. Its actually a really good covert weapon. I can hide the whole thing in any part of my body, even the hilt, then whip it out whenever necessary."


"Hey, Sanzo, I know what I want for Christmas," said Gojyo with a grin.


"Buy it yourself, lazy kappa," the monk growled, not impressed with my weapon.


"It's like Goku's nyoi-bo staff, it appears when he needs it, then disappears when he doesn't," Hakkai said thoughtfully, insepecting the hilt sticking from my arm.


"Doesn't that hurt?" Goku asked, and to answer him, I shoved the hilt with an extra push until it too disappered in my arm. I flexed and twisted my arm, showing it didn't hurt at all. "Can't feel a thing."


"If you're through..." Sanzo growled, and I grinned.


"Aw! Is the great Sanzo priest jealous?" I asked and laughed at his throbbing forehead vein. Before he could pull out either his fan or gun, I grabbed Goku's arm and said, " Hey, Goku, let's go foragin', kay? See ya!" With that, I ran off into the woods, Goku running joyfully beside me, chanting "Food, food, food!"


I enjoyed the air whistling through my hair, and the firm ground under my feet. After a few minutes, I slowed down, then stopped, panting good-naturedly as Goku ran up beside me. "Well, now we're here, so where are we?" he asked, looking around curiously.


"Don't worry, we're not lost," I assured, grinning at the boy. I pointed over towards the left at a stand of trees. "Apple trees," I said.


"Apples? Alright!" Goku said, about to run off when I grabbed his cape and held him quite firmly. "Hey, lemme go, I'm hungry, assface!" he said, fighting and squirming, but I was as solid as stone. "Not before I warn you. Don't get seperated from me, and don't eat so many apples you get sick, or there's nothing left to take back to the others, alright?"


Goku looked at me and grinned. "If you know who we are, then why're you so worried about youkai attacking us? Why don't we just kick their asses once and for all?"


"As much fun as that sounds," I said walking towards the apple trees. "You guys forget that I have to come back through these mountains to go home after I take you through. If you piss off every bad guy between here and there, I have to deal with them when coming back, and I'd rather not."


"But you could defeat any villian with that sword! How come you don't like to fight?" Goku asked, falling in step with me as I walked towards the trees. His big eyes glowed, and I smiled as I thought about it. "My grandfather," I said quietly. "He came from a war-torn country a long time ago, from the west. He told my mother just like he told me that we should have power, but try to not use it useless absolutely necessary. Besides, I am pretty peaceful guy, and I'm usually too lazy to get mad about anything."


Goku was quiet, and he seemed to be thinking it over as we finally made it to the nearest tree. I swung the now empty knapsack (Goku had eaten all the snacks I had packed) and opened it up. "You're a monkey, right? Climb the tree and toss me down the apples, then we can get back to the others."


"Okay!" Goku said, and with a single bound leapt onto the tree. He landed deftly on a branch, then with a grin tossed me down a few apples, which I caught in the bag. In between throws, he wolfed down almost three apples at once. We kept this up for a while, and I called him down when the bag was full to bursting.


"Man, I'm stuffed!" he said with a satisfied sigh when he jumped down, and I laughed. "Yeah, and there's enough to bring back everyone some food, too! We completed our mission." We started walking back, I leading the way of course, when I turned to ask him something. "So, how exactly have you guys survived this long without killing each other?"


Goku laughed at my rather serious question. "Fighting lots of youkai makes me feel better."


"I think I feel bad for the youkai," I said, and we laughed. The trip back didn't seem to take so long as going out, and we were suddenly standing in front of the cave, a small campfire blazing in the entrance. Sanzo was sitting on a rock, glasses perched on his nose as he read the newspaper he brought with him, then looked at us. "You survived," he said simply.


"Glad you're back, monkey," said Gojyo, dropping a load of firewood at the cave's entrance. "You get to help collect wood."


"But why? I went and got food for you, so you should be saying thank you!" Goku said hotly. Gojyo nodded understandably. "Yeah, you're right," he said, then suddenly leaned forward and smacked Goku's stomach loudly. "And the after-meal bulge is just water weight, right? Come on, you're helping," he said, and he grabbed the squirming boy by the ear and hauled him off, cussing and fighting the whole way.


Watching them, I shook my head, deciding to not dwell on their odd behavior. "I repeat, how did you guys
survive each other this long?"


"Cigarette's and bullets," said Sanzo.


"Lots of alcohol," said Hakkai with a smile as he prodded the campfire.


"Women!" called Gojyo from wherever he was.


I simply shook my head.


"So, how exactly are you going to feed us, since the idiot monkey seems to have raided our supplies, and this is a four-day hike?" asked Sanzo. I looked at him, then held up my bag. "You guys haven't had the house special yet. Roasted apples with a few secret ingrediants thrown in. I guarentee even Goku'll be full."


"You're awfully presemtuious," Hakkai said, and I grinned. "That's 'cause you ain't seen nothing yet! In fact, why don't we make a deal?"


"No thank you," Hakkai cheerfully declined. "I'm not much of a gambler, but you should try Sanzo."


"Right. Hey, Sanzo! Wanna make a bet?" I asked and he looked up at me, a glare on his face. "What bet? Hakkai, what did you do?"


"I didn't do anything, it's Roku's idea."


"Damn right, it's my idea! I bet I can fill Goku up with two of these babies." I grinned.


Sanzo rolled his eyes. "Hakkai's right. You're too cocky for your own good," he sighed.


"So what if I am? If I win, I get double pay."


"That's a lotta of money..." Hakkai said with a slight frown.


"We can afford it," Sanzo said, putting his glasses down and just warming up. "If you lose, you follow my orders, and this whole trip is free." He grinned, and that was the single scariest thing I had ever seen.


"Deal!" I said, hopping over the growing fire and landed in front of the monk, hand out. "You're just as annoying as Goku," Sanzo growled, but shook my hand anyway. "Hakkai, you'd better move, cause I need room!" I said with a grin.




When Gojyo and Goku returned a while later, it was already nighttime. They dropped their load of wood at the cave's mouth, then watched me busy working away. A while ago, I had figured out a way to take an apples' entire core and leaving the juicy walls intact, the hole left perfect for roasting the apple on a stick. I roasted them for a while over the open flames, sometimes sprinkling a brown powder inside and over the apples. When they were brown on the outside, golden inside and dripping golden juice, I called out "Dinner time!"


"Apples?" Gojyo asked, not very impressed. "Where's the rest of the food we bought?"


"Somewhere in there," I pointed at Goku. Big mistake.


"What?! You ate all our food you inbred asswipe?!" Gojyo roared, and Goku's face held a mix of fear and fury. "What're you talking about? The only thing you bought were cigarettes and booze, you hardly bought any food, and I was starving!"


"Well, how can you be starving if you're dead, you motherfu-!"


"Chill out guys," I said. "We have enough food to feed everyone. Here," I said, throwing a stick with a apple on it to Gojyo, then one to Hakkai, then threw a stick with two apples to Goku.


"Roku is quite confident of his cooking." Hakkai said. "He has a running bet with Sanzo at the moment: he guarentees just two apples will fill up Goku, or he escorts us for free."


"Free?" said Gojyo, an eyebrow arced at me.


"Yeah, free, so Goku, you'd better eat your damn heart out!" Sanzo said, making a fist at the boy. Goku looked at the apples, then sniffed them, and his eyes rolled slightly as he mouth began to water. "They smell so good!" he said with a grin. "Chow down, then," I said and everyone's eyes were on the boy as he took a huge bite out of one and chewed it carefully, not gobbling it down like usual. "Mmmm!" he said, looking at us. "Thith ith good stuff!" I grinned. At first, I had this small nagging feeling that I just majorly screwed up, but I was confident in my grandfather's recipes. Everyone watched as Goku quickly finished off the first apple, then started mowing through the second. He didn't look like he was getting full, and he only had a few bites to go.

Once again, I felt like I had just signed my own bankruptcy note or something. He swallowed the last bite and licked all the juice off the stick before tossing it in the fire. He looked at everyone and grinned. "Ah! That was great! I'm so full, I'm kinda sleepy," he said, then laid back and snores started.


"I'll be damned," Gojyo grinned, looking at me with surprise. "Little pissant's asleep!"


"Goddammit," Sanzo growled. "This bet was rigged."


"Aw, don't whine," I said, tossing him an apple-on-a-stick. He caught it with one hand, then looked at me suspsciously.


"Eat up," I said, grinning as I took a bite out of my apple, savoring the sweetness it had and the slightly tart aftertaste it left in my mouth. "And don't worry about the money, keep it."


"Keep it?" Hakkai asked, and I smiled wickedly. "For now. We've got another three days, remember? I'm pretty sure I'll be able to steal it from you again in that time."