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Puppetry	By : Crystalwren Category: Hellsing > General Views: 2275 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Like the naked leads the blind.

I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.

Sucker love I always find,

Someone to bruise and leave behind.

All alone in space and time.

There's nothing here but what here's mine.

Something borrowed, something blue.

Every me and every you.

Every me and every you,

Every Me...he

Every You Every Me � Placebo

The
screaming went on for a very long time.

It
was eerie, bizarre, at one end of the spectrum a woman in pain, at the other
the raging screech of an infuriated big cat and in the middle, an utterly
indescribable and terrifying combination of the two.� Walter curled up into a ball, too dazed to do
anything but listen. Grass and dead leaves crackled underfoot as Integra got up
and walked away. Three ear-splitting gunshots; the screaming stopped. A
rustling of cloth and he knew she was getting dressed.

She
said, �I�m beginning to think that Grandfather�s boast about eliminating
Carmila�s little family was very much off the mark. I can understand him
missing one, but missing two of them? Very peculiar.
There�s no doubt in my mind that this one was an old one and not a chipped
vampire. The Valentine brothers were very powerful, but they weren�t able to
shape shift. And they certainly weren�t able to do something like this.�

He
looked up. She was leaning over the corpse, studying the pulped brain matter
with intense curiosity. Then, decisively, she stood up straight and kicked at
the mangled tissue until it was separated from the stump of the neck.

�See
this?� she touched one of the monstrous blooms, shaking it on its stem. It
released a cloud of pollen that made Walter cough and choke. �This mutation
must have taken a long time to establish. They�ve been here for months. Alucard
is slipping. I simply must talk to him firmly about this. Oh, Walter, do get
up. Was it really that bad?� And she made to touch him, the open collar of her
shirt stiff with drying blood. He flinched and she shook her head, half with
amusement, half with exasperation. �Suit yourself,� she said. She pulled her cravat from her pocket
and used it to tie back her hair.

Walter
rubbed his temples and coughed, trying to clear his lungs. He couldn�t seem to
catch his breath. There was a sudden, cold gust of wind, then another, then
another bringing with it the sharp smell of ozone and rain. The first big
droplets fell, splattering and beading in the dust and the heatwave was finally
over.

The
first hour of rain was sufficient to subdue the mind-controlling pollen and
fragrance. Personal began to stumble into the foyer, blank-eyed, puzzled and
frightened by the gaps in their memory and clutching their guns like protective
talismans. Walter had changed out of his soiled and borrowed garments and was
there to meet them. Integra had gone back outside to the roses, armed with
paper bags and plastic sheets and the aim of preserving what evidence she could
in the downpour. Bemused crime scene inspectors went out her in drips and drabs
as they started to understand what had happened. For his part, Walter was slow
and languid, limbs heavy like they didn�t belong to him at all. He felt
stunned, unclean and was horrified when the crime scene people came back in
carrying bags of mutant rose blooms and roots and stems.

�What
the hell are you doing, bring that in here?�

�Sir Integra�s orders, sir.�

�Then
get it straight to the laboratory! Don�t leave it here!�

Not
all of the staff were recovering as quickly. There
were still a great many standing aimlessly around, or sitting down on the
floor, leaning against the wall or each other. A handful of them suddenly
developed asthma symptoms and Walter found himself slapping a medic or two into
sensibility so that they could care for them. He rounded up the most lively of the soldiers and sent them off on a staggered
patrol around the estate. The kitchens started up in anticipation of a sudden
influx of cold, hungry men. The armoury was confronted with the reality of
dozens of missing or damaged guns and went into a full-blooded panic. The
outside world suddenly realised that Hellsing had effectively dropped off the
face of the Earth and ten different phones rang all at once. When Walter next
looked at the clock it was midnight, it had been raining for hours and two
medics were standing in front of him with panicked expressions.

�What
now?�

�Sir
Integra�s in the infirmary again, sir. She collapsed.�

The
old man rubbed his tired eyes. �Why?�

�Blood loss. In the rain no one noticed that she was
bleeding-�

The wound on her neck. Oh yes. He heard the whining thump of a
helicopter overhead and knew that Alucard had finally returned and Commander
Ferguson with him. He went out to the helicopter pad to greet them. Nodding
stiffly to Ferguson, he turned his attention to Alucard. Kitten-like, Seras Victoria peeked out behind her master, huge blue eyes
wide and startled.

�Your
orders are to patrol the estate. Look for any intruders. Release the hounds,�
and Alucard smiled. Walter turned his back on the grinning lunatic and from
somewhere in the darkness came the howl of the dogs of the Wild Hunt.

It
was just dawn when Alucard sought him out.

Walter
was finally alone in his rooms. His hair soaking, muffled in a heavy robe, too
tired to sleep he sat in his armchair, waiting.

�You�ve
been busy, Reaper.�

�Yes.�

He
looked up. Alucard had discarded his coat, hat and glasses. The vampire lounged
in Walter�s bed, running the red satin nightgown through his gloved hands,
rubbing it up against his face to feel the texture and smell the myriad of
scents on it.

�You�re
slipping, you really are,� said the old man wearily. �You missed Carmila under
your nose, and now you�ve missed a jaguar with a fetish for fairytales.�

�Fairytales?�

�Briar Rose. Sleeping Beauty. Jungles of thorns and roses.�

Alucard
sucked a section of hem into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. Walter was too
tired to care. �That�s true enough,� he confessed. �But keep in mind that I�ve
been occupied with regular inclusions by the vampire Incognito. His power is an
easy mask for any smaller one and besides, once they�re in Integra�s head I
can�t see them anymore.� He spat out the cloth. �Tastes like German.�

�You
ate enough of them in the war. Why are you complaining now?�

�I
wasn�t complaining. It was a simple statement of fact. Besides, the only
relation taste has to nationality is diet. This is why so many English taste dreadful.� He narrowed his eyes when
Walter just shrugged, refused to rise to the bait.

�Could
we do this some other time? I need to sleep.�

Alucard
hissed like a kettle letting off steam. �You�re hiding your thoughts,� he
accused.

�I
said I�m tired.� The old man allowed his eyelids to droop, suddenly conscious
of a deep, black pit in front of him. He shuddered and began to fall.

Sniff.

Sniff.

Sniiiiiiff.

Walter
snapped awake. The vampire was leaning over him, smelling him. Protest was met
by long fingers wrapping delicately around his throat.

Sniff.
Sniff. Nuzzling at Walter�s neck as tenderly as any lover, the vampire moved
down until at last he reached the old man�s groin.

Snnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiifff.

�Well,
well,� purred Alucard, grinning terribly. There was an impossible amount of
teeth in his mouth and their proximity to tender places made Walter blanche. �So you finally got what you wanted, Angel of
Death. Was it good? Was it like you�d dreamed?�

�Get
off me,� spat Walter in reply, but he�d taken off his rings to shower and
hadn�t yet put them back on.

Snickering,
the vampire let go and rested his head in Walter�s lap. �Oh, lover, what am I
going to do with you?� Walter pushed him away in disgust. He jumped back on the
bed. �I will never cease to be puzzled by you humans. You had received your
heart�s desire and here you are bitching about it.�

�It
wasn�t like that,� said Walter desperately, �It was nothing like I wanted.�

�Isn�t
there a saying? Be careful what you wish for?�

�She violated me!�

A short silence. Tilting his head to one side, Alucard said,
�So?�

Walter
laughed bitterly. �Don�t you have views about that sort of thing?�

�Well,
yes, but you must admit, you did it to her first.�

�I
never laid a finger on her that she didn�t ask for!�

�But
you enjoyed it in all the wrong ways,� and the old man felt suddenly, like
something was tapping at his temple. A sensation of something slimy slipping
in� through his ear; Alucard invaded his
head and Walter gritted his teeth, feeling memories being picked up, examined,
and either carefully set aside for further consideration or discarded as
unimportant. The vampire seemed especially interested in the walk through
Munich�s red light district. The actual encounter with the German prostitute
was barely touched. �Hmm,� he said at last.

��Hmm�
what?� snapped Walter.

�The
first blonde prostitute that you saw, the one you rejected...�

The
old man blinked, thought hard. �Oh,� he said eventually, �The she-male?�

�The same. Your disgust for her was strong, as was your
disgust for her client. I can�t help but wonder...�

�Spit
it out.�

�That
you don�t have the same disgust for either me or yourself. I am old enough that
form doesn�t matter, but I am male,
most of the time.�

�You�re
an ungodly creature. What we do doesn�t matter because you�re dead but still
consent, therefore I cannot sin against you or God,� and for the first time in
his long life, Walter saw the vampire Alucard speechless.

�Sophistry!�
he yelled when he finally found his voice again. �Sophistry,
hypocrisy, you humans with the souls of lawyers! Splitting
hairs, arguing about irrelevancies, lying through your hypocritical teeth!�
Alucard snarled with disgust. He stalked though the wall, pausing only to throw
a last, �Lawyer!� over his shoulder.

Walter
did the only thing he could do: he went to bed.

**

When
he woke up the rain had cleared, and he found himself staring stupidly at the
ceiling. He blinked slowly, trying to think and then the telephone on his
bedside table rang again. The mattress creaked as he rolled over and fumbled
with the receiver.

��lo?�

�Mr Dornez?
We need you to report in as soon as possible, sir.�

�What
are Sir Integra�s orders?�

�She�s...she�s still
unconscious, sir. That�s why we need you.�

Shutting
his good eye turned the world into a blurry smear. He sighed. �I�ll be there,�
and he hung up.

As soon as possible didn�t mean quite the
same thing as urgent, so when Walter
got dressed and shuffled into the bathroom, he decided to have a quick shave.
He hunted fruitlessly for a good two minutes, looking for the faithful cutthroat
razor that he�d owned for so much of his life. Feeling a strange sense of panic
he hunted for the thing until memory suddenly hit him and he gasped helplessly,
clutching at the edge of the cabinet as he shook.

�Oh
God,� he whispered, �Oh, my God. My God.�

In
the end he bit his tongue and left to obey the summons. There wasn�t much else
he could do.

The
guards stationed at periodic intervals in the hallways had the same dazed
expression, each and every one of them, as if they struggled to comprehend the
mystery of their own existence. Walter felt the same way but as a commanding
officer he didn�t have the luxury of introspection and he stalked past them,
barking commands.

�You! Stand to attention and stop slouching! You�re
a disgrace!�

�You! Straighten that jacket! You will wear the
uniform as it�s meant to be worn!�

�You! Hold that gun properly and refasten your
belt!�

One
by one, they shook themselves, fixed their garments and their weapons and stood
to attention. Relief slid across their features. Nothing upsets a solider like
a break in routine or the nagging feeling that their commanding officers
weren�t quite up to the job and Walter�s bit of bastardry reassured them in a
way that no mere civilian could ever hope to understand.� When he finally arrived at the incident room
Ferguson stood up and saluted. Walter bowed in reply.

�Sir
Integra is still sedated,� said the Commander without preamble, �And we need to
make this decision now.�

Walter
followed Ferguson outside, into the grounds. The ground squelched underfoot and
virtually steamed. It was unbelievable muggy and under his waistcoat, his shirt
glued itself to his skin with sweat.

�The
rose garden,� said Ferguson, pointing ahead. It truly did resemble an
illustration from a book of fairytales; Sleeping Beauty, Briar Rose. But now,
under the soggy sky, hacked and slashed and dug up by the investigative team,
the huge tangle of thorns and canes no longer looked threatening, merely
bedraggled. �Sir Integra collapsed before she could give orders about it.
Without the blossoms I don�t think it�s a danger, but still, I don�t think it�s
a good idea to just leave it.�

Staring
at the English jungle, Walter�s face was immobile but in his shoes, his toes
curled and clenched. Arrayed on trestles were various samples and artefacts,
among them the petrol container that he�d carried from the car shed but had not
been able to use. He said, �Has everything of interest been removed?�

�Yes.�

And
Walter smiled.

�Burn
it.�

There
are very few things in the world that will not catch alight under a combination
of flamethrowers and kerosene, no matter how soggy they may be. With his face
stinging from the heat and his eyes tearing from the smoke, he watched, he watched, as the roses turned to ash,
knowing that he was burning something that Integra loved and taking great
pleasure in it.

He
said, �Something happened while we were in there together.�

Ferguson,
who despised Walter almost as much as he respected him and dreaded the very
notion of being confidant to a man whom he saw as being a psychotically insane
sadist, responded with some severity. �Then Sir Integra herself will doubtless
see to your debriefing.� He saluted and left, leaving Walter to grind his teeth
and stare at the flames.

**

It
was several days before he saw Integra again.

At
first he thought that there was nothing to it. What had happened...well, he�d
liked it at the time, hadn�t he? He�d received his deepest, most secret desire.
He should be happy.

But
when he tried to touch himself, her face in his mind was twisted, distorted. No
longer the pure ideal it had been, it was twisted, deformed. She leered.

Very
well then, he decided. He could think about someone other than Integra. The pretty lass in the car he had hijacked, the one whom had been
so deliciously afraid. Maybe the page four girls in The Sun newspaper. He even stole
a pornographic magazine from one of the guard huts but it didn�t do him any
good. All faces gradually morphed into hers, and always she was laughing at
him. It wasn�t a pleasant expression.

At
all times he felt a kind of...low grade pollution, as though he�d been sullied
from the inside out. Sleep became impossible, and so did sitting still. He had
to do things. Always.

Alucard
visited him each night. Sometimes the vampire was sympathetic. Sometimes he�d
laugh. Sometimes he looked like a little girl and on this night he walked
through the walls wearing Integra�s face, the simulacrum that had once given
Walter such pleasure, and now only made the butler violently angry. The
simulacrum ended up all over the carpet and the walls before Walter remembered
himself.

He
sat down on bed while Alucard pulled himself together, intestines like snakes
and blood that violated every physical property of liquids. Rubbing his face,
the Angel of Death said, �Why did you do that to me?�

�I
was bored.�

�It
was cruel.�

�And
this surprises you how?�

Walter
couldn�t speak; he made a violent, helpless gesture with his hand. He didn�t
look up when the slurping noises ceased, afraid of what he�d see.

�Angel
of Death, you are no fun anymore. Really.� There was a
sigh like a gust of wind, and Walter raised his head. There was a little girl
standing in front of him, a pretty little girl with pale hair and the bluest
eyes he�d ever seen. She smiled wistfully. �Maybe it�s time you went and saw
her.�

He
reached out, cupped the side of her face. The resemblance to twelve year old
Integra was perfect if you ignored the icy skin. He said, �I do love you, you
know.�

The
little girl arched her eye brows. �Me or Integra?�

Walter
just laughed. He went into the bathroom and brushed his hair and teeth and
washed his face. The reflection in the shattered mirror was grey and worn. �How
did I get so old?� he wondered, touching the web of wrinkles around his eye.

�It�s
called time, Walter, and it happens to all of us.�

�Even
you?�

�Even me.�

�Do
you think she�d love me if I looked like I used to?�

�No,�
said the vampire flatly. �You�d still be Walter. However,� and Walter whipped
around to see a gaping maw filled with crocodilian teeth a foot away from his
nose, �We could always try regardless.�

The
old killer was still. To his shame, he actually considered it. �You know,� he
said eventually, �I can�t imagine anything that would make her hate me more.�

The
maw closed, and the stretched flesh tightened again. Alucard blinked his red
eyes and tilted his hat on a jaunty angle. �It�s entirely possible,� he
conceded.

�Don�t
wait up,� Walter told him, and left.

The
halls were still busy, despite it being late, and people scurried hither and
thither with their hands full of manila folders and rolled maps. They greeted
Walter with respectful voices and he answered them in kind. Image was
everything. Walter was able to fool some people but not all of them; there were
some that were afraid of him and it showed on their faces.

The
light in Integra�s office was on, but when he opened the door the only greeting
he got was from the maid who was bent over the already gleaming desk with tub
of polish in hand. He apologised for disturbing her and left.

The
only time Integra left early for the night was when she was ill or desperately
tired. For a split second he contemplated leaving her to spend the night in
peace, but he knew that if he didn�t confront her now he�d never do it. He
could see the future: years spent hating her and loving her at the same time,
until a miserable little death and a miserable little funeral. Integra would
move on with her life and he�d be forgotten, a footnote in the book of her
career.

To hell with that idea.

He
was polite. Instead of just walking into her rooms through the door that joined
them to her office, he decided to go the long way. He knocked on the door that
opened into the corridor, and waited until she answered.

�May
I come in?�

Silence. Then, �I suppose you�d better.�

She
was in her sitting room, wrapped in a long, soft blue dressing gown, curled up
on her lounge chair. The title of the book in her hands was Carmilla, a collector�s edition with pictures
and illustrations, and Walter
remembered Seras walking out of this very room with
unfastened clothing, and while the habitual pleasant smile on his face didn�t
falter, inside he was snarling.

�May
I help you?� she inquired. She sounded weary, she looked weary, she was weary, red
streaks on her skin around the bandage on her neck where she�d scratched the
itching flesh. In a small, petty sort of way Walter was pleased at her
discomfort.

�I
came to see how you were recovering, my lady,� he said smoothly.

A
single eyebrow twitched. �I am as well as might be expected, Walter.�

They
stared at each other. Walter held his hands behind his back, flexed his fingers
so that he could feel his rings under his gloves. Integra doubtless had at
least one gun stashed under the cushions. And Alucard would be watching, like
the voyeur that he was.

He
cleared his throat. �Are your wounds healing?�

�Yes.�
She narrowed her eyes. �Thank you for your concern.�

�You�re
welcome,� he murmured.

They
stared some more, and it was a measure of just how ill and tired she was that
Integra gave up first. �I�m going to bed,� she announced, and stood up. She
shut the book and left it on the armrest, the blue gown swirling about her
ankles. Her feet were bare and large for a woman, but well made, and Walter
fastened his eyes on them.

�You
should be wearing slippers. You�ll catch cold.�

She
stopped. �It is none of your business, Walter,� she snapped.

And
Walter said, �I beg to differ, my lady. Absolutely everything about you is my
business,� and was satisfied at the long, slow growl that welled up from her
torn throat. Whipping around, she strode towards him like an avenging goddess.

�You
listen to me,� she snarled, jabbing her finger into his chest, �You are my retainer. Nothing
more. You obey when I order you, and that�s all there is to it. Do you
understand?� His hand snapped up, wrapped around hers tightly. �Walter, you are
hurting me. Let go.�

�No.�

�I
said let go!�

�No.�

�How
dare you!� she drew back her spare hand, obviously intending to slap him, but
then she gasped. Her face turned pale and a painful wheeze came from her chest.
Coughing, she sank to her knees, glaring up at him with nothing but hatred on
her face. The sight of her on the ground before him gave him a deep sense of
satisfaction. He smiled.

�Are
you all right, my lady?�

�Bastard,
let go!�

She
was afraid of him. And suddenly, he
was ashamed and angry because he was ashamed. He dropped to his knees in front
of her. He tightened his grip on her hand until he felt the bones grind
together. Gritting her teeth, she bore the pain.

He
said, �Why?�

He
said, �Why did you do to me what you did?�

He
said, �I love you. I always have.�

He
said, �Why. Please tell me why. It�s all I want to know.�

There
was rage in Integra�s eyes, but no guilt.

�Isn�t
that you wanted?� she spat, �You fucking deviant! I trusted you! All my life I
trusted you! Depended on you! Confided in you, looked up to you! And then I
realise that you�re...you�re...�

�In
love with you?� he asked softly.

�If
that�s what you want to call it. I can�t believe,� she spat, �That I let you wash me when I was sick. How could you
do that to me? How could you?� When he didn�t answer, she shocked him by
slapping him hard across the face. He was too astonished to be angry. �How long
has this been going on?�

�I
honestly can�t recall,� and she slapped him again.

�Deviant! Pervert!�

Walter
caught her hand as she drew back to slap him again. He pressed them both to his
chest. �I am not,� he said coldly, �And never have been interested in children,
if that�s what�s bothering you.�

�You liar.�

�I�m
not.�

�Liar,
I remember. I remember-�

�My
lady, whatever you remember, it wasn�t me.�

�Liar!�
she gasped. �Lair,� she coughed and her head dropped. �Hands
in the dark. Touching me. I was scared. I
remember.�

�It
wasn�t me. I swear it. I swear.� He buried his face in her hair. �I loved you
then but it was different to the way I love you now. I swear. Have Alucard read
my mind if you don�t believe me.�

�He�s
a liar too,� her voice was small and cold.

�But
he can�t disobey a direct order, and you know it.� Raising her head, she looked
at him hard in the eyes. And because she didn�t trust him and wouldn�t take his
word, he felt the familiar sensation of other
in his mind, of something picking up thoughts and rearranging memories like
objects and furniture. Finally, her eyes glazed over and Walter knew that
Alucard was speaking to her.

�Very
well,� she said coldly, �I believe you.� They stared at each other, the two
murderers on their knees. He leaned forward to kiss her and she jerked away.
�No!�

�Why not?� he said desperately, �Why not? Because
I couldn�t protect you from Carmilla? Because I couldn�t protect you from Richard? From Alucard? From whoever it was who visited you in the
dark? Because...� his voice dropped in defeat, �Because I�m
old?�

Integra
sighed. �Walter, listen to me. The day will come, in the not too distant
future, when the Knights of the Round Table will summon me to their conference.
We will file into the room one by one and we will pay our respects to Her
Majesty as we take our places at the table. And then they�ll remind me, once
more, that Alucard is bound to the blood of the Hellsing line and that frozen
eggs and donor sperm and surrogate mothers are not really appropriate to my
position or status, and I will smile, I will obey Her Majesty�s command. I will
go out and find myself a nice, pliable little Protestant husband who will give
me healthy children and listen to every word I say and who�ll never, ever ask
questions about just what I for a living. I�ll love him in a way that makes my
heart ache, and protect him from everything he doesn�t know and I�ll never,
ever feel the urge to confide in him. I will take my children and train them to
be killers.

�Walter,
I do not love you the way you want me too. I never will. And even if I did, I
would still not take you because I will never accept any man who is anything
approaching my equal.�

So
that was it. He released her hands. She scooted backwards so she could lean
against the lounge and she rubbed her throat. Walter stared at her because she
was beautiful, and because he loved her. �And where does Seras
Victoria fit into all of this?� he said softly.

�What
is between Seras and I is none of your business,� and
the tiredness in her eyes intensified as she held back the coughing. �I mean
it.�

Closing
his eyes, he sighed. When he opened them again he realised that she was very
close to sleep.

�I�m
sorry,� she slurred softly. �For what it�s worth, I�m sorry for what I did to
you.�

�I�m
sorry too,� and he took a cushion from the lounge and put it on the floor. He
pressed her down and for once, she allowed it. He tucked the cushion under her
head and she smiled at him before she fell asleep.

That
long nose seemed to soften now that she wasn�t staring down it and her hair
tangled underneath her when she rolled over, muttering something inaudible.

Walter
was tired too, from all the sleepless nights, and he lay down beside her. He
reached out, pressed his palm against her back. He loved her, so he forgave
her.� There was no choice in the matter.
They were both monsters, and they�d betrayed each other in kind.

Eventually,
Walter would get up. He would pull his Integra into his arms and carry her to
her bed. He would draw the covers up and he�d ache hopelessly to join her. Then
he would go back to his own rooms and shower and he�d get into his own bed and
maybe he�d dream of her and maybe he wouldn�t. It would never, ever cross his
mind to leave her, or Hellsing, no matter how much it ached that she didn�t
love him back.

His
fingers flexed, the fabric bundling in his fingers.

Walter
loved Integra, and he wanted to be with her no matter what. He smiled, closed
his eyes and went to sleep beside her.

END
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Puppetry