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The Shadow Aspect	By : Jessup Category: +M to R > Neon Genesis Evangelion Views: 12600 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
THE SHADOW ASPECT

By: Jessup

Part 04: Under the Sea (III)

The air in the apartment is cool and fresh. Asuka opened the
balcony door a few hours ago (well, not really) to get rid of the lingering
scent of Misato's lavender perfume. Now it's nighttime (well, not really) and Asuka
is dressed in a loose yellow t-shirt and a pair of shorts that hug her thighs.
It's a night (well, not really) for relaxing.

Asuka draws herself up straight. Her palms are sweating and
the animal part of her brain is screaming at her to run run run. The little girl inside that drives Asuka to do what she does,
however, is quite adamant that the thing
standing opposite her is just another toy monkey that needs its stuffing ripped
out. A sentiment that's somewhat funny, all things considered. "You're an
Angel."

"Mama says so," replies the child-thing wearing the
face of a four year-old Asuka.

The redhead teen doesn't blink. "Why haven't you killed
me yet?"

The child-thing doesn't blink right back at her. "Why
would I want to kill you?"

"You're an ANGEL!"

Earnestly, the child-thing asks, "I am?"

"Well it's not like I'm talking to myself!" she snaps. "What do you want?!
Where'd you take Shinji? And the First?"

The child-thing doesn't respond. Instead it shivers and hugs
its rail-thin arms to its small body. "I'm cold. Would you please close
the door?"

Asuka stomps forward towards the child-thing. "Damn it!
Tell me�

�what's� y'know?" She
blushes. "What's it feel like?"

"You mean," says Susan, quietly, "sex?"

The two females are hunched over a table at the Main Library
of the New University of Bern. On one side sits child prodigy Asuka Langley
Soryu, all of ten. On the other side sits nineteen year-old Susan Kirsch,
Asuka's blonde, curly-haired pupil. Though nine years separate them in age, the
redheaded child is tutoring the young woman on the finer points of organic
chemistry.�

It's half past two on a Saturday afternoon and the Main
Library is practically empty. Only Asuka, Susan, and Asuka's Section-2 plain
clothes security detail (none too subtly lurking at the edges of the room,
fiddling with the books on the shelves) are present in the vast hall. Officially,
Asuka is tutoring Susan for extra credit. Unofficially, she's doing it because
the older girl has agreed to answer questions for Asuka; the sort of questions
that aren't covered in the textbook.

Susan leans forward and squeezes her shoulders together. Her
apple-sized breasts swell up under her pink blouse. She brushes a stray blonde
curl behind an ear. "Well," she says, "do you really want to know?"

This causes the redhead to frown. "Duh," she says,
petulantly.

Susan smiles broadly. "Okay. Well�"

Asuka leans forward.

"�it feels good."

"How
good?"

"REALLY good, if you find the right guy. Or girl, if
that's your thing."

"No," snaps Asuka. "I mean�" she glances
over her shoulder, "�HOW does it feel?"

The nineteen year-old grew thoughtful. "It feels, I dunno, amazing?" She flinches under the power output
of ten year-old Asuka's glare. "Sorry! It's hard to explain. I mean, nothing's like it."

"Come on! I'm tutoring you! You have to give me more
than that!"

"Well," says Susan, smirking, "you could
always practice."

"Practice?"

The blonde twirls a finger lazily in the air. "Y'know�"

"No. I don't."

Susan sighs. "I'm talking about� touching yourself."

Asuka blushes. "Oh."

"Look. Maybe this wasn�t a good idea. I mean you're
just a kid. You don't need to know th�"

"I'm NOT a kid," Asuka says loudly. "For
God's sake, I've already had my
period!"

"Shhhhhh!"

The ten year-old flinches as she realizes how her voice must
carry in the library. "I mean," she adds
quietly, "I'm already a woman. I've had my stupid period since I was eight."

"Whoa," says Susan. "Weird. I didn't get mine
until I was twelve."

"It's not weird."

"It is sorta weird."

"It's not weird!"

The blonde scowls. "Am I going to have to shush you
again?"

"�no," she
grunts through clenched teeth. The redhead stares at her pupil/tutor. "I
just� I want to know what I'm supposed to do."

Susan is taken aback. "Supposed to do? What do you
mean, Asuka?"

"I need to know� wait," she says, looking around.
"What the hell is this? What�"

"�the fuck is
going on?" snaps Asuka,
stumbling to one knee. The teenager gingerly rubs away the dull ache in her forehead.
Shaking away the cobwebs, she looks towards the child-thing. "What was
that?! What did you do to me?!"

Little Asuka cocks her head to the side.
"Interesting," it/she says. "Of the three you are the only one
who's managed to consciously subvert the revival process."

"Revival process? What the hell are you talking
about?!"

"Tell me, do you remember
our thirteenth birthday? What we did in the bath that night?"

Asuka's eyes rolled back in their sockets as she�

�massages the gentle swells of her breasts.
From Asuka's perspective they've practically ballooned in recent months, though
she still amounts to little more than a higher-end A-cup. But they're still
growing and she's positive that one
day they'll be huge; bigger and better than even her former guardian's, that
slut Misato.

"Kaji," she groans, eyes closed.

The warm bathwater is at a low level, allowing her body's
natural lubrication to function where it is needed. Through the comforting haze
produced by the water's scented oils Asuka is beginning to catch the scent of
her inner self as she casually masturbates. That distinctive scent � my womanly flavor, she thinks to herself
with pride � is enough to spur Asuka to moan in satisfaction and triumph.
Despite her best efforts, the Second Child finds that more often than not she
cannot bring herself to rise in this manner. Tonight is already looking like a
success.

Her fingers are diligent in their work, tracing and
caressing the sensitive flesh of her bosom. Though pleasant, it's merely the
prelude for what's to come. While Asuka leaves one hand to play around with the
stiffened nipple of one breast, her other hand snakes downwards, never breaking
contact with her soft skin. This hand and its fingers and its trimmed nails go
down down down, along her
stomach, down alongside one hip, and then over 'round to the inside of her
thighs. At last Asuka's errant hand glides upwards and finds her waiting pussy.

She spreads her legs.

Asuka Langley Soryu rubs her palm against her mons, enjoying the feeling of her wild bush against her
skin. To the Second Child it's more evidence of her own maturity.

Her fingers dance around the heat of her slit, brushing
alongside its lips but never venturing between them. Asuka is well-versed in
the mechanics of her own excitement. She has had many hours of practice by
this, her thirteen birthday. And tonight she knows what she wants and she knows
how to draw it out of herself. So Asuka takes her time, caressing the skin all
around her pussy, stoking the fire within. As she primes herself the hand
massaging her breasts drifts upwards, simply sliding over and around the skin
of her collar and neck and shoulders. The feeling of that hand washing over her
skin sends tingles throughout Asuka's body, driving her higher than even the
hand playing along the edges of her labia does.

This savoring of her own skin goes on for several minutes until
at last Asuka dips one lone finger into the sweltering heat between her legs.

"Hhhuh."

It's the last thing she says for a long while. On these rare
occasions when the Second Child manages to work herself up to this level the
sensations produced are enough to silence her. Besides, in this bathroom, no
one is watching. There is no one she has to convince of her independence or
maturity. She can revel in her own feelings; something she is rarely able � or
desires � to do.

One finger eventually becomes two, and though they barely
inch into her body each occasion of their entry fills Asuka's imagination with
erotic images, images of all the things a grown woman can get a man to do for her.
That idea of power, of control, gives traction to what Rei Ayanami would call
'warmth' and 'sparks'. Asuka's fire begins to brighten within in her core.

�

Involuntarily, the Second Child's hips begin to buck a
little, rising with each insertion of her fingers into her vagina, meeting the
invading digits halfway. The motion is slight but its constant repetition
causes small waves in the shallow waters of the tub. As her masturbation
continues the small waves rebound along the tub's walls and grow into large,
choppier waves. Obscene sounds begin to fill the bathroom as the redheaded girl
plays with her tight, wet sex.

Here, normally, Asuka's self-pleasuring reaches its limit. She
has never been able to figure out why, though the reasons she fixates on are
mere minutiae. At times she believes her failure to be due to the bathwater
growing distressingly chill. Other times it would be due to an ache in her
buttocks from sitting in the bath too long. She has only been certain of the
cause of her failure once, on a night not six months ago when the eager fingers
working her pussy slipped and one found its way into her ass's
unprepared rose (her shriek that night brought a frightened Misato running to
the bathroom). But tonight�

�tonight, for the first time ever, the stars align for Asuka
Langley Soryu. The fire inside her builds and builds and comes to a head as she sucks hungrily on one finger in
her mouth while two others thrust deeply into her snatch, vanishing down to
their knuckles. The sensation of being stretched while still yet feeling full
tops off a good half hour of build-up.

"Nnn!" she squeaks.

Her inner fire flares.

Asuka throws her head back and�

�falls over with a gasp.
"O-o-o-o-oh GOD," she moans, body shaking, crotch suddenly soaked
with her own juices. Lying sprawled across the floor, the Second Child brings
both hands to the juncture where her legs meet. "F-fuck," she
whispers, cupping her mons, arching fingers over her covered
folds. I can feel them. Oh my God, I can
feel every little bit of my pussy through my panties AND my shorts. Jesus, did
I piss myself? Or� or is it actually possible I� that I....

Asuka rest her head on the carpet and narrows her eyes.
"You bitch," she says, forcing herself to control her heavy
breathing.

The child-thing walks over to the panting teen. Her tiny,
black shoes with their silver buckles fill Asuka's eyesight. The Second Child
forces herself to look up at the creature wearing her own, immature face.

"I'm not trying to hurt you," it/she says. "I
want to help you. Help us."

"SCREW YOU!" Asuka pushes herself off the floor
and clumsily lunges for the child-thing. It/she dances out of Asuka's reach.
The Second Child can't catch herself and she falls back to the floor, hitting
her chin hard. "F-f-fuck," she
groans, tears coming to her eyes as pain radiates throughout her jaw.

The child-thing eyes Asuka impassively. "Aside from
that night, how many other times have you managed to successfully bring
yourself to orgasm?"

"C-come back
here, you little bitch!"

"Twice." The little
girl-thing holds up three dainty fingers. "All that effort, all those
hours spent rubbing and touching and exploring yourself
and� that's it. Three orgasms. That's all you've
managed to accomplish in your whole life."

Asuka forces herself to grin. It doesn't reach her eyes.
"I've done more than that."

"Liar." The girl-thing
turns around and starts walking towards the open balcony door. Looking out onto
the cityscape it/she says, "Haven't you ever worried that maybe, just
maybe, there's something wrong with you? That there's a reason, despite all
your bluster about being mature and a woman, that you
can't even get yourself off properly?"

The Second Child, who by this point has managed to get to
her knees, struggles to stand up. If she's going to go after this Angel (and
she is) then she wants to do it with two good feet on the ground. "I am
going to fuck you up, little girl."

"I doubt that very much," says the child-thing.
"After all, how can you beat up the truth?"

Asuka, not one for philosophizing to begin with, merely
lurches forward, hands outstretched for the child-thing's puny neck. She grins
wickedly as her target comes into range of her grasp and then she--

"Planning to take me to heaven with you, Mama?"

The Second Child gasps. Flinching, she withdraws her hands.
Horror writes itself across her face as she comes to the full realization of the
old nightmare she was just about to act out. The child-thing turns around to
look at her.

"Do you remember,"
it/she says, "the first time you touched yourself over Shinji?"

"NO! NOT AGAIN! PL�

�ease," she whispers in the darkness, desperately
stroking her pussy. "Please, please. I need
this. Come on."

It's late September of 2015 and Asuka has a whole suite at
the hot springs
resort to herself. NERV is keeping them there overnight while Unit-01 and
Unit-02 are cleaned on-site and prepped for an early morning departure. There's
no real reason for her to have such a plush, expansive (for the Japanese) hotel
room to herself but it's a 'thank you' from Misato for beating the 8th Angel in
the volcano earlier that day. Asuka doesn't even begrudge Shinji having his own
luxury suite across the hall. As much it pains her to admit it, the baka did save her
bacon in the volcano. Besides, she
reminds herself every hour or so when her mind drifts to the subject, what does it matter? I was the one who killed the Angel.

For the first time in several weeks Asuka has privacy for
herself; no cramped, crowded aircraft carrier or stuffy Japanese apartment for
her now. The door to her suite even has an honest-to-God lock on the door. So it should come as no surprise that the Second
Child takes advantage of the opportunity to� indulge herself.

Or, at least, she tries
to indulge herself.

"Come on," she whispers with shuttered eyes,
frigging herself with determination. "Ahhh. Ah."

Everything seemed perfect at first: a few hours prep to
relax in the hot spring, a room to herself, silk
sheets, no perverted boys to chance listening in (or, God forbid, walking in on
her). Asuka even managed to get her digital music player to synch with the
stereo in her bedroom so she'd have some proper mood music; a throaty, slow
melody track from her favorite German rock band whose lead singer always sends
tingles down Asuka's spine when he softly croons about his nameless girlfriend.

Her fantasy that night had been par the course for the last
few months: Kaji, for reasons never specified, has taken her to his bedroom. Safe
in a warm room with sheets that smell of cologne and tobacco, he slowly
undresses her. Kaji trails kisses and hot breath on her naked skin as he peels
each article of clothing off her. First comes her A-10
hair clips with Kaji's fingers trailing through her long, thick, luxurious red
mane. Then her blue choker follows, with Kaji's fingers dancing over her neck
and collar as he unlocks the cloth belt. After that he takes her shoes. Then,
before she gives her favorite yellow dress over to him, he reaches under the
bottom of her dress and without having to look he knows where to hook his finger through her damp white panties. He
slides them down her legs and she carefully steps out of them. He lays them
aside reverently and then kisses her veiled stomach, slowly running his hands
down her hips. Finally her dress goes, dropping to the floor, and Kaji, on his
knees, stares up at her nude glory.

He stands up. She kisses him. He holds her. And then� and
then�

"Nnnh!"

Asuka removes one wet hand from her worn cunt
and runs it over body, leaving a slick trail over her hip, flank, and taut abdomen
as she works to bring forth the warmth lingering inside herself.
In her mind's eye she tries to think of that wandering hand as belonging to
Kaji� but fails. Reluctant to surrender that fantasy but eager for release, the
teenager instead thinks of some faceless man touching her, a primal nobody who
she can fuck without remorse.

It doesn't work.

As it has on so many occasions in the past, Asuka Langley
Soryu stalls out just before her peak of pleasure. Tonight the bed sheets feel
clingy, her fingers are growing stiff, and it's just� taking too long. Already
the German girl knows that she will not be reaching her climax tonight. Despite
that self-awareness, however, her conscious mind spurs her fingers onwards,
working at the space between her legs.

"Come on," she urges the room's darkness.
"Please please please.
I need this. I've earned this." I
beat the Angel. I beat the Angel. Everybody saw it.

A single finger creeps between her lips and sinks into her
heat. Asuka sighs.

I won. I won. I won. I
beat it. I killed it.

Her finger pulls out before plunging in again. She again imagines
the shadowy man lying on top of her, working her body like a fine instrument. It's
a half-hearted success, but a success this time nonetheless.

I did it. I did it. I
won.

Asuka works herself harder, faster. A second finger creeps
in, barely finding space inside her tightness. She tries not to dwell on the
unexpected tingling building up inside her core.

I did it. I did it. I
showed them. They know I'm the best. I beat it. Me and me
alone.

Asuka bites her lip as her two fingers sink inside, as she
uses her free thumb to rub the exposed pearl of her clitoris, as her other hand
teases that sensitive spot along her ribs that no one knows about. And then,
just as something starts to happen inside her trembling body, the shadowy man
in her imagination takes on a face� a familiar face.

"Ngggh," she moans,
still frigging herself despite the image of Shinji fucking Ikari being the one doing it. She tries not to think about
how strange it is he of all people is
in her daydream. She tries not to think at all, concentrating instead of her
own pleasure. If� if I can just cum� it's okay. Right? It's just a stupid fantasy.

But Asuka can't hold onto the fire within. The image of
Shinji, of that worthless Third Child (he
did save you in the volcano, a
small voice inside her points out) touching her body with his clumsy hands is
too much. Asuka's pleasure dwindles as her mind focuses more and more on the bizarrely
compelling concept of Shinji fingering her, of Shinji on top of her, of Shinji
kissing her, of Shinji�� Shinji holding her�.

"FUCK!" she snaps, pulling her hands away from her
sensitive parts. Asuka hides her face in her dirty hands.� "No," she growls, rubbing her eyes.
"I'm not fucking crying! I don't
fucking cry! I swore I'd never cry again!"

With well-honed effort, the redheaded teen bottles up the
rush of emotions within her. The unshed tears in her eyes recede. When Asuka
uncovers her face only exhaustion meets her; the day's battle, the heat of the
hot springs, her own aches from an hour of playing with herself to no
conclusion� she sighs, pulls the sheets back up, turns over, and surrenders herself
to�

�Jesus!" swears
Asuka, clutching her head, woozy from her latest fall to the living room floor.
"What the� the fuck was that?" she groans. "What the fuck are
you doing to me?"

Suddenly the words of Shinji, muttered in confusion just
before he disappeared in front of her eyes, come back to Second Child:

"A-Asuka,
something's wrong. I think� that the Angel is d-d-doing something to me. I'm
seeing things, thinking things, h-horrible things."

�

"Why?" she asks through clenched teeth, fighting
back the latest surge of pleasure from her traitorous body. "WHY?"

The child-thing says, "Have you ever heard of the
concept of a person's shadow aspect?"

Asuka shifts her legs, trying to bring herself upright. The
motion causes her drenched panties to slide across her swollen lips. She
shudders at the rich sensations that follow. Why is it so easy? Why can't I feel this way in the real world? "N-no,"
she says.

"I think you have. Think back, back to your days at the
university."

"I said I DON'T KNOW!"

The child-thing gives a little 'hmph'.
"Well, I'm sure it will come to you."

"And if it doesn't?" Asuka, her body draped across
the carpet, glares at the thing standing just a few feet away from her.
"Are you going to keep raping my mind? Turning my memories against
me?"

"You mean like how I pointed out how you were sexually
excited by the thought of Shinji Ikari touching you until the emotional implications
of what that would mean made you feel overly self-conscious?"

Asuka clenches her hands into tight fists.

"Tell me, have you ever entertained the notion that the
Third Child might feel the same way about you? That he might
want� something� from you too?"

"Why don't you try taking a fucking look in my fucking
head again and find out for yourself?!"

"I want to hear you say it."

"FINE!" snaps Asuka.
"I have! And he probably does want something too! He's a boy, after all!
And a pervert! He probably jerks off to me all the fucking time!"

The child-thing nods. "Hyperbole aside, you would be
right."

"Wh-what?"

"When you were training together against the 7th
Angel," it/she explains, "your spandex shorts had ridden up during
the dance practice." It/she gestures to her own nether regions. "He
saw your pussy pressed up against the fabric. It was the first time he became
sexually excited over you, though by no means was it the last. It was also the
final straw for him that day. Being around you for so long, how special and
beautiful you looked compared to all the other girls he'd ever met, the stress of the training and upcoming battle� he
called a time out. Shinji went straight to the bathroom and masturbated himself
to everything about you, Asuka. He was thinking of you, only of you, when his sticky white semen sprayed everywhere. It was
the most powerful orgasm of his life before then or since, and it was about you."

Vaguely, Asuka remembers that session. She recalls
disdainfully thinking he'd gone off to do something perverted in the bathroom.
At the time it had merely been a dismissive thought, a mental put-down to a boy
who had already left the room. Now, knowing that she was indeed correct, Asuka
wrinkles her nose. "How disgusting."

The child-thing nods. "Shinji thought so as well. As
soon as his euphoria had past he hated himself for how he had acted, hated himself for 'demeaning' you by thinking of your body while
he touched himself. Shinji loathed himself for thinking of you as an object,
not as a person� even a person he doesn't particularly like."

"Good! He should have felt bad!"

"Is it any different than what you did at the hot springs?"

"Of course it is!" she snaps. "I'm not a
pervert!"

The child-thing laughs. "Oh, is that how you choose to remember things?"

"NO!" Asuka cries, but the memories rush over her
vision and it's too late to�

�STOP IT!" she screams, curling into the fetal
position. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

The child-thing is taken aback.

"I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER THESE THINGS! I DON'T WANT TO
FEEL THESE THINGS! YOU CAN'T FORCE ME!" Asuka shudders, then weakly adds under her breath, "�stop it. Stop defiling my mind�."

The apartment falls silent. The only sound is Asuka Langley
Soryu's frantic, halting breaths. The child-thing
wearing four year-old Asuka's face says nothing; it/she merely studies the
quivering form of the Second Child.

"I'll k-kill you," whispers Asuka. "I'll kill
you. I'll kill you. I'll kill you." She repeats herself again and again,
letting those three simple words become a chant.

"I'm sorry," says the child-thing. "I've been
going about this the wrong way."

"I'll kill you. I'll kill you. I'll kill you. I'll kill
you. I'll kill you. I'll kill you."

"I want to help you, Asuka. I want to help all three of
you. But� I'm afraid I may not understand you as well
as I thought. Just like you don't understand me."

"�I'll kill you�I'll kill you�" The teenage girl uncurls
from her protective posture. Slowly, carefully, she places one hand on the
carpeted floor, then another. On unsteady elbows she forces herself into a
crouch. "I'll kill you."

"Understanding, though, takes time."

"I'LL KILL
YOU!" howls Asuka, throwing herself at the child-thing that appears
for all the world to look like the little girl Asuka
once was. Her clawed fingers grab hold of the child-things neck with a
frightful power.

"Watch," it/she says plainly, as if it/she is not
being strangled, "and learn, Asuka."

The Second Child gasps at the icy sensation gnawing on her
feet. She looks down and sees the darkness. Her feet sink into it� then her
ankles� then�

Asuka is being swallowed by her own shadow.

"NO!" she screams. "Not again!"

The child-thing is unaffected by the shadow's presence. The
last thing Asuka sees as she's dragged under is the little girl that looks like
her, staring downwards, studying her�

�and smiling.

TO BE CONTINUED
- 3
- 4
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The Shadow Aspect