Lives in Brick and Stone

Baby makes three

Everything changed when the baby arrived. Babies usually changed everything, just by being born. Any time one had before the arrival of the first child changed. Life revolved around the baby. Even before the arrival of the baby, there were doctors appointments and baby showers and a thousand other little things that needed to be done that revolved around the baby. The arrival of the child meant that life would never ever be the same again. It could be good, or it could be bad, but the change was as inevitable as the sun rising in the morning. There was joy and there was suffering and there were a thousand other emotions that came from seeing the baby lay in their little crib.

It was an experience that he was sure he would never have to deal with, for many reasons. The first reason why Wakato was sure he would never have to deal with was because he was a male. He would never get pregnant, regardless of what had happened oceans away. Because he had read those accounts of the pregnant man, but he knew for him it would never happen. He knew that because unlike that person he had always been a male. A very pretty male, but a male through and through. Besides, he was sure that even if he could get with child, Wakato would never want to deal with nine months of moodiness and bloating and strange cravings. It would ruin is figure and he needed his figure. There was always the change that he could get a child in other ways, if he truly wanted it.

He could always go find a girl to sleep with. He was sure that with his unique and rather handsome features, he could get any girl he wanted. He could charm his way into her panties and that would be that. Except there were a great many issues with that as well. For one, he was sure no girl would want to sleep with guy like him. Sure he was beautiful, every woman’s fantasy, what with his stylish ginger hair and his movie star looks, but looks weren’t everything. The girls would only have to look at where he worked and think twice about going too far with him. Had he been a woman, even he didn’t think he would have wanted to date himself after what he had been doing for a living. And that was even on hours. He was a host. He worked in a place where businessman and women came and for a price, were served by handsome young man who entertained them. The ladies who liked to ask for him were all very devoted to their job and their work. Those business women would never sacrifice their jobs or their careers or their clawing up the corporate ladder just to have a host’s child.

Then there were the men. If Wakato was honest with himself, he preferred the men he was serving than the women. They never asked too much of him. They just wanted a companion for a time. He didn’t have to pretend to be anything that he wasn’t. A skill that had gained him the job in the first place, when he had first been seeking a job. He had been an aspiring actor for a time. Looking for his big break. But the break had not come. He had taken his acting abilities and he had gone to the one place that he was sure he would get noticed by a producer or even someone from a modeling agent. Surely, they would have gone to places like the one he worked for, if even only to take the edge off. But his acting abilities had done him well and Wakato had found a decent living being a host. He had fun. A lot of fun. It was enjoyable to pretend to be whatever his clients wanted him to be for a few hours time. Still, it was even more fun being himself. Even so, even when he might take a client back to the apartment he co-rented, there was no way he was going to get pregnant. Not that he even wanted a baby.

Then there was the apartment itself. It was tiny. It was barely big enough to fit him and his co-renter. There was no room for a baby. There was no way an adoption agency would ever allow a child into a home like his. Not in this place. It was so poor and rundown. The single room that was a bedroom, dining room, living room, and kitchen had little to no heat. The heaters had broken down months earlier and the landlord had not come yet to fix it. He didn’t think that he would come. The man was getting on in years. He was sure that the man was trying his hardest, but at his age, things were just going to go down hill at the complex. He had a feeling that they were in for a cold winter and an a harsh spring. He had a feeling that soon, the apartments would fall under the control of another. When that happened, Wakato was sure this place would really suffer. It would become even more run down. It was no place to raise a baby, even if he wanted one.

There was also his roommate. Though he could have afforded the place by himself, Wakato had fallen in with a roommate. They shared the single room. It was not out of love or friendship either. Nothing at all like that. He hadn’t even really known the other when the one who had become his roommate had answered the add he had put into one of the local papers for someone to share his apartment with him. It was because he had been lonely a little bit. Wakato had grown up with many brothers and sister. It had been hard to live all by himself, even if he was capable of it. It was also because it was cheaper that way. He figured as long as they were both guys and both understood each other’s boundaries, he would be more than happy to split the bills with someone.

His roommate had appeared one day, knocking on his door, his want add in hand. He hadn’t really thought anyone would seriously want to live with him. Especially not when they saw this place. But the young man who arrived at his door seemed not all that bothered by the state of the building. The boy with the strangely dyed hair had smiled at him quite warmly, even though they were just strangers. The other male introduced himself as Saeki and let himself in. They came to a deal about roommates and rules within the first visit, and by the next, he had the other male moving in. In that first day, they had sat before a boiling stew pot and talked of themselves. They shared a little about themselves all the while fighting with their chopsticks for the best pieces of meat.

“So, Waka-chan…I can call you that, right?” Before the strange haired boy got his agreement from the other, he pressed on, stealing away a large slice of beef while Wakato wasn’t looking. “So, you really want to be a big star? That’s pretty awesome. I’m sure you’ll get it.” The other male smiled. Wakato realized right then and there that the smile he was shown was what had caused him to agree so quickly to letting the strange boy become his roommate. It made him think that maybe, just maybe it was true and he would attract a great movie director.

He laughed lightly and decided if his roommate was going to be so informal, he was going to be too. “What about you, Sae-chan… I mean, are you just as new here?” The other didn’t smile anymore and Wakato worried a little about it. It would seem talking about the past was forbidden. That was okay, he supposed. Sometimes, people just had things they didn’t want to talk about. So instead, the red haired host had changed the subject. Why dwell of the past when the here and now was more important. He learned a lot that night about Saeki’s here and now. The other boy was really very interesting. He own his own delivery company. There was only one employee at the moment. Saeki himself. He didn’t even have a bicycle. The other boy ran from place to place, delivering this or that. It sounded like a lot of work. A lot more work that serving men and women beer and campaign and other drinks as well as little snacks.

He told the other about his job as well. Wakato didn’t know how Saeki would react to what he did. The other male seemed to think nothing of it at all. A job was a job and it was only something to do until his big break. It was more understanding than Wakato had gotten from anyone before when he spoke of his line of work. It made him want to hug the other male. He didn’t. He didn’t because one, they had just met and two, they were just roommates. There wasn’t any other relationship between them. He was sure there would never be anything more than that. There wasn’t because he was sure the boy with the white dyed dark hair was straight. He didn’t know and didn’t want to know. It was because it was better if they just stayed as friends.

It was because it kept things from becoming too complicated for them. Because it would never have worked anyway. When Saeki was home, Wakato was at work. And when Wakato came home from the host bar in the wee hours of the morning, Saeki was already out and running deliveries for people. They rarely ever met even as it was. And that was the other reason why, even if he had wanted one, a baby would never have a warm and happy life. Not when there was so little time between to really be a family.

Besides, despite all the baby thoughts, he really didn’t want such a thing in his life. He had too much fun without having such responsibility in his life. He’d let his brothers and sisters have kids. He’d let the neighbors have them…not that Wakato ever met the neighbors. The one the next door over never left so Wakato had never met him and the other have suddenly moved out right before he had moved in. He would have loved to meet them, but he just never had the time. He was always very tired when he got home and always slept until it was time to wake up and do it all over again. He still missed the few weekdays when he and Saeki had enough time to share even a meal together. It was almost like he didn’t have a roommate at all.

There were reminders of course. It was part of the rules they had agreed upon in those first days of meeting. After the talk of jobs, they spoke of other things as well. “What about visitors, Sae-chan?” Saeki was setting up what would be his parts of the small room in the ways he wanted while the red head lay on the ground flipping through a magazine. He still asked the question because he needed to know. What if one of them had a hot date? He would hate to walk in on his roommate while the other was busy doing some pretty girl. And he sure didn’t want Saeki coming in to find him with his head buried between another man’s legs. He didn’t want the other to see that because he rather likes his happy go lucky roommate already. Last thing he wanted was for his extra after work activities to be seen by his new friend. Not that he did that sort of thing very often.

It was true. Though he hated to admit it sometimes, he did end up having far more time with some of his clients than other hosts might. While it was definitely frowned on to accept meeting their clientele outside of the club bar and even more unprofessional to accept to do anything like sleep with a guest, Wakato was still a young and vibrant man. There were times when the flirting and the teasing got to be too much even for a really skilled actor such as himself. There were days when even he could get reality and the image he placed before others mixed up. And those days, the red head would find himself whispering different sorts of sweet nothings into the ears of his younger, more attractive clients. If they accepted the perverse things he whispered into their ears, they would order a specific sort of drink and then later on, he would end up meeting them for the next half of their meeting.

He never took them home though. After he whispered about how he wanted to suck their cock or how he wanted to be made to moan like a whore for them, or for the rare female, about how he wanted to put it in them and make them feel good for a night, he would wait for their answer. Some of them never took the hint. They laughed and told him what a dirty boy he was. Others, they understood. Once work was over, they would meet him outside and a little down the street. He didn’t want to give the host bar a bad reputation. Not because he was a young man with needs and wants that needed to be fulfilled every now and again. Every last time, he’d be trapped into his own role as a secret midnight lover.

He would latch himself to their arm and purr words like “I’m so glad you would wait for me” or “It’s been far too long since we’ve gone out together” even if it was the first time. He would then take them to the nearest love hotel. He would never take them home though. He didn’t want anyone he might sleep with for the night anywhere near to the apartment, even before Saeki came to live there too. He didn’t want to bring that sort of sordid relationship into his own house. He also made sure that before he and his lover for the evening checked into the hotel they understood that this was going to be a one time thing. He wouldn’t be doing this again with them, even if they came to the host club and asked for him. Nor did he do it for money. He was doing it because he was lonely and because he was feeling needy.

He never wanted Saeki to walk in on that though. Not when he so obviously enjoyed what he was doing. He didn’t want to see that smile go away because the other man walked in on him having sex with a nameless, faceless client. It would totally ruin the moment. Besides, it was more fun doing those kinds of things in places like love hotels. There was a better atmosphere to it. However, because he never brought anyone home, he really didn’t care what Saeki did, so long as he never had to walk in on his roommate doing it. Which was why he had stated that “I really don’t care what you do, Sae-chen. Just, I don’t know…put a sock around the door or something if you’re getting naked with someone.” The other male laughed and then Wakato had started to laugh as well. The ended up laughing together for quiet some time before Saeki finished unpacking his very last box. It was one of the few times they had shared the same space together.

The host had been rather happy with that arrangement. But for some reason, despite the amount of time they had lived together, he had never come home from the club to see the door adorned with a sock or something. It made him wonder if Saeki did anything other than work and sleep. Then again, he didn’t do much more himself, regardless of his after work activities.

It was a rather lonesome existence. However, it was nice to know, even if he and his roommate only passed each other going to and from work, that there was someone there to come back home to each day. Without a friend to share his small little home, he would have been very lonely. So much so that he might have ended up whispering those suggestive nothings into strange ears. Especially when they did have those few days off. They took those days as days to relax and unwind. Though they could still be considered veritable strangers, it was soon tradition to eat at least one meal together on that day after doing all the little chores that had piled up over the times they had been at work. After that, they’d always go to the local market to get the things to make that meal.

It reminded him of the times he had been with his mother and father and many brothers and sisters. They had always gone on Sunday. His brothers would argue over what sort of meat to get and his sisters would try and wheedle candy. It had been a very warm time for him. It was nice to have that warm time with someone who wasn’t family. Though when he thought about it, was Saeki really not family anymore. They had lived together long enough even if they did never get to see one another except on those rare days. The proof that they were a family came when they get together like that.

“Sae-chan…Look. Look.” He tugged the other’s sleeve and dragged the pale haired boy over to where the fresh vegetables were. “They have fresh dicon.” Sure, he knew that Saeki hated dicon with a passion. He knew because the last time he had gotten some for himself, the other had left a rather odd note by it inside the small refrigerator. Something to the point of ‘Dear Waka-chan…Are you trying to kill me? Dicon is gross. Please make it not there anymore.’ He had felt a little bad for not knowing about the others likes and dislikes. But then again, he supposed it was the same way. There was that time that Saeki had brought home that really nasty eel. Wakato hated eel as much as his roommate hated the huge white radish.

Of course, at his announcement about having fresh radish at their small grocery store, the other male had made a face and changed up their hand position. However, Saeki had not grabbed his sleeve .That time, Saeki had taken his hand. Wakato was sure the other didn’t realize it. He wasn’t bothered by the turn of events. Hand holding was something he did normally as a host. He was used to reaching across the table and clutching hold of the hand of the person eh was serving. It was all part of the flirting he did. But this was different. This was not about a job or flirting. It was just one friend grabbing another friends hand and dragging him somewhere. It was like they were brothers. And like brothers, Saeki felt the need to pay Wakato back for showing him the fresh radishes. Moments later, they stood before a tank filled with life eels. They stood before the tank, with Wakato making the same face his friend had made just moments earlier while Saeki laughed merrily. He didn’t realize until they had walked back to the apartment that Saeki and he had held hands the entire time. He also didn’t realize that such innocent mistakes could still make him blush a little. He had thought he’d lost the ability to be embarrassed. It wasn’t as if Wakato had any shame at all.

Still, despite the good natured teasing they never did go out of their way to bother each other with things they knew was disliked. The teasing was as far as they would go. Besides, it was just more fun to sit around at the table and giggle at the silly faces they had been making. Wakato found it even more fun to put on the apron that Saeki had gotten him for his birthday and cook. He liked cooking and he was always acutely aware when he was cooking for two instead of just for himself. He noticed it more, because not only did it make him happy, but it also because he could feel those eyes on him. He could feel Saeki’s laughing eyes on his back while he cooked. He stopped making comments about it too. Not after he had lost those eyes the one time he had made a comment.

It had been more teasing on his part. He had turned, that frilly pink apron on. The apron he had hated and loved, one because he knew it was a joke gift as pink looked terrible against his ginger hair, and for two because it was a gift from his roommate. He turned and posed with his spoon still in his hand. He places it against his lips and smiled at his onlooker. “Sae-chan..” He purred softly. It was the same voice he used on his clients. He didn’t notice until it was too late, that such a voice had caused his roommate to lose his almost perpetual, eternal smile. “You know…if you keep staring at me like that, I’m going to have to assume that you’re picturing me with only this apron on. Only that…and nothing else.” He winked, the very picture of a naughty house wife. Saeki blushed. Oh how he had blushed. Then Saeki had stood up and just left. He had left the apartment they shared so quickly that Wakato hadn’t even gotten time to blink.

He felt terrible. He had not known what he had done wrong to chase the friendly delivery man away. The food he had been making for the both of them didn’t taste half as good sitting in front of an empty plate that should have been graced by the chopsticks of his roommate. He had finished and had left the remainder in a container in the fridge with an apology letter before deciding that he hadn’t wanted the day off anyway. That night, his co-workers had teased him about looking very down in the dumps. One of his clients had even mentioned that he looked like he’d just been dumped by his girlfriend. Wakato had not gone to a love hotel at the end of that shift. Instead, he had gone straight back to the apartment, to find the dishes in the sink, done and Saeki already gone to work. The note of forgiveness was tucked into his bedding. Wakato had never teased like that again. Things returned back to normal. The next time they had eaten together, it was almost as if Saeki had never suddenly run out. And Wakato never thought about asking his roommate why it had been that the other male had suddenly needed to run away.

He didn’t think it was because Saeki was shy. He didn’t think it was that at all. The other tradition that followed that seemed a rather odd family activity was going to the bathhouse after the shopping and the eating. He didn’t get to go to the bathhouse often with Saeki. By the time he usually got off of work, the house was close. He usually took his baths right before going off to work. That way, he could be squeaky clean and perfect for his clients. He knew that after a long day of running around delivering this and that, Saeki took long soaks for sore muscles. It was fun to be able to join him for those long soaks. It was fun chatting and laughing together in the communal bathhouse while old men complained about how the head was not hot enough, even though it was blistering hot. But it was because of the fact that they bathed at a public bath that he was sure that Saeki couldn’t be shy.

He wasn’t either. It was Saeki who had called him shameless when he had just stripped off his clothing right there in the changing room, not seeming to care who looked. There were always people looking. Wakato was used to that by now. There weren’t that many who didn’t’ want to get a good look at the body of such a pretty host. He did notice though that when people stared too much, Saeki always seemed to get into their line of sight and make them look away. Each time, he was always told the same thing. That he was shameless and that next time, he had to stop giving out such shows for free. He didn’t know why the other kept shielding him, even now, but it was nice. It was even more nice to slide into the warm water and unwind as well. Even if half the time, Wakato ended up in a wild, rambunctious splash fight with Saeki. The other half of the time that they managed to get into the bath together, he usually ended up showing Saeki one of the talents he had learned while as a host.

He didn’t care what other people thought. He didn’t care how many stares he received or how many sneers the older men would focus upon him. Saeki was his friend and Saeki was aching. It was Wakato’s job, no, it was his pleasure, to relieve his roommate of some of that pain and tension that came from running all over and carrying heavy things. He would just slide behind the other male and place his fingers lightly upon Saeki’s shoulders. Then he would lightly apply pressure. The first time he had had it, the other make had tensed up so much that Wakato was sure he’d never to the other to relax. Now, when he slid behind the other man, Saeki would close his eyes and lean his neck forward in a signal that told Wakato that it was okay to go ahead and give him a good backrub. He always did a good job of it. But the time he was finished, he could always hear the contented, relieved sound of the other’s sigh. However, when they were alone in the apartment together, Saeki never let him do that. When he would slide behind the other male and put his hands ever so lightly against the other’s neck, he would get told off. Wakato knew he hated being told off when the other never lost that happy smile. So he took the opportunity when it was presented to himself. Though he wished his pale haired roommate would allow him to give a massage like when they were in the baths, he would not push. He was happy enough to get what he could, when he could. There was no need to change things or push things that were doing so well already. Besides, it wasn’t like they ever spent too much time in the same room together.

Other than days off, the longest timer that Wakato had ever spent with Saeki were those days when the other came home early and he had not yet woken up for work. It was never something that happened regularly. However, those few times when Saeki came home early when Wakato was not already gone. He never realized. Because had he known, he wouldn’t have stayed asleep. He would have been awake already and ready to give the other a hearty welcome home and good work today greeting. But instead, because he never knew when the other was coming, and he liked to get rested before he woke and went to the baths to get ready, he was always asleep when Saeki’s deliveries for the day went short. But he knew when that happened, because when he was still sleeping, he could sometimes feel a hand lightly pet over his hair. It could have been anyone, but the touch had always woken him and Wakato would then pretend to be asleep. But he was indeed awake and he knew that for some reason, Saeki was petting over his hair.

He also knew that the other was watching the alarm. Because when it went off and it was time for Wakato to wake up, Saeki was always gone. He wondered why it was that he would so suddenly stop petting his hair. And he wondered where it was Saeki wondered off to. He would hear the footsteps and then the door open and then close right before his alarm went off. But Wakato knew better than to question his roommate. He was worried that it might make Saeki run away for real. He was even more afraid that the smile would go away and stay gone. Besides, as much as it confused him, the red head knew that he liked it when the other would come and touch his hair so gently. It made him feel that they were closer. Like they weren’t just roommates that passed each other on the ways to and from work. Like they were more than just friends. It felt like they were truly a family. Even more than that. In those small stolen moments when his hair was caressed, or when he slipped behind Saeki to give him a backrub at the bathhouse, they seemed almost like lovers. Even though they had never kissed and never been together.

It was a good life. He was very comfortable with it. He liked the way things were. Though he did sometimes wish Saeki and himself didn’t have to work so much, he understood why. They both were very attached to their work. The more that Saeki worked, the more that he got his name out there. The more he got his name out, the more clients he got. The more deliveries he made. Wakato wanted for Saeki to have what he dreamed of. Of his own service, with many curriers and other employees, based out of a real office and not from their small apartment. And Wakato was still searching for stardom. The more he worked at the host bar, the more he was sure that some day, some great director would come walking through the door. He’d get his talents and his looks seen and he’d become the newest heart throb on the big silver screen. And for their dreams, they both worked themselves as hard as they could.

The more it changed, the more it stayed the same. Weeks became months. Months became years. And then it happened. The one thing he would have never thought would happen. Something he had never even considered coming into his life. And unlike normal families, he didn’t have nine months to prepare for it. He didn’t even have nine minutes. One of the female hosts suddenly came to him. Came right to his apartment during the daytime. She was carrying a small bundle and Wakato could see how sad she seemed. “Tomaka, what brings you here today?”

The young lady looked down at the bundle and then at Wakato. “Hiroshi. I need your assistance. It’s only for a little bit. I just need to run some errands and I couldn’t find a sitter. If you just look after him for a little…” Before Wakato could even say anything, she deposited the bundle into his arms and left. He tried to call after her, but she quickly ran off towards god knew where, leaving him holding the bundle. Nervously, he lightly undid the blanket. It was a baby. A sweet little baby boy. The child was probably no more than six to eight months old. At the moment, the baby was sleeping soundly. He didn’t know how long before it would be before the child would wake. He hoped she would be finished with whatever she was doing before he had to go to work.

One hour passed. And then another. The woman did not return for her child. What was worse, the baby had suddenly work up and started crying. It wasn’t that Wakato was clueless about babies. He had brothers and sisters after all. He knew how to take to care of babies. The things was, this wasn’t his child. This was the child of a girl who worked at the host bar. And he didn’t have anything. He didn’t have formula. He didn’t have diapers and he didn’t have anything at all for the child. What was worse, pretty soon, he would have to go to work. He had no one to give the baby to. He was unsure if he could give it over to Saeki. This was not Saeki’s problem. The woman had not gone to Saeki. But he also couldn’t bring the child into work. A baby in the host bar would be detrimental to the business.

He supposed that meant he had to stay home until she came back for the child. Which meant lying to his boss. It was easier than he thought, to pick up the phone and dial that number he knew by heart. The next moment, he was hacking and sneezing and being amazingly convincingly sick. His acting was still as flawless as ever. By the end of the call, right when his voice was about to give out from the strain of talking too much, he had the boss convinced that he was grievously ill. He felt bad, because the boss was good to him, but until Tomaka came back, he couldn’t just leave the child. Not when the baby had stopped crying the moment he picked it back up and started walking around the small apartment with the child in his arms.

As he continued, he worried. He worried about what he could do if she didn’t come back. There were options of course. He could always go to the police if she didn’t return. He was sure they knew what to do about abandoned children. Or he could always take the little baby boy to a shrine and entrust the baby to the monks. There were also orphanages. But he didn’t know if he wanted to do that. He trusted the girl. He trusted her to come back for her child. He just had to wait. He just had to wait for her to return. But time was running out. She had not come back for the child.

He was sitting, trying to shush the baby in his arms when the door opened and his roommate walked in. for a second, there was silence. Those pale eyes flickered from him to the baby and then back to himself. A pale eyebrow quirked and Wakato found himself saying something that sounded even comical to himself. “It’s not mine. I’m just holding onto it for a friend of mine.” He felt even more stupid just for saying it. The look he received made him feel even more moronic. He couldn’t believe he had just said something like that to anyone. He sighed and continued to rock the child. “Please…sit down, Sae-chan…Let me explain before you go running off.” The other male actually sat, continuing to stare between the red head and the little unwanted surprise in his arms while he tried to explain why it was he had the baby with him.

When he finished, the silence there would have been came from the situation had been quickly broken by the crying child. Saeki frowned at him. Truly frowned. It scared him. Saeki had never frowned at him like that. Ever. Not even when his teasing went to far. The next moment, his roommate was standing and walking. Wakato seemed to soak in Saeki’s confusion. Wasn’t Saeki leaving now? Then why was he walking towards him. The other males hand reached out. He had never been struck before and he was sure it would happen now. But then hand that was placed upon him was not harsh as all. Soft fingertips traveled over his cheek for a moment and then into his hair. He felt the same soft petting he felt when he was pretending to be asleep. Lightly opening eyes that had closed, he noticed the smile. A true smile of Saeki’s face.

“You are far too trusting, Waka-chan…but that’s what I like most of all about you.” The words confused Wakato a great deal. Sure he trusted people. He had trusted some stranger knocking on his door and becoming his roommate not to be some psychotic ax murderer. He trusted those people he hosted not to get too attached to him. He trusted those people he hosted with after hours not to be into anything really weird. He supposed he trusted the girl he worked with to come back and get the baby. The words though they did hurt him a little to hear. “I doubt she’ll be coming back if she hasn’t by now… So I guess we’ll have to decide what to do with our little guest.” The pale haired boy let his hand trail away and then reached to touch the child as well. “Even if this little guy made it so that you were home tonight.”

Saeki stood again and started towards the door. He paused and looked to Wakato with that wonderful playful smile of his. “Well, aren’t you coming, Waka-chan?” The pale haired delivery man laughed at his confused look. “well, you’re home tonight right. That means we have to share dinner together. It’s tradition. And we might as well find a way to get something for our little guest.” At those words, he suddenly understood. They could decide on what to do with the baby tomorrow, if the girl didn’t show up to reclaim him. For tonight though, the needed at least some things to make sure the child was comfortable.

It was a little odd though, to go out to the grocery store with a baby along for the walk. Keeping the child close to him, Wakato found he was walking a lot slower than usual. He didn’t want to jar the baby and make the child upset or injured. But instead of continuing on at his own pace or telling him to hurry up, Saeki slowed down to his speed. It was nice of the other and he gave the other male a grateful smile. It became a small flush when the delivery man lightly put an arm about his shoulder to lightly pat him, as if to tell him he was a good person for putting up with this, even with Saeki too was a good person for letting their easy life to be so suddenly interrupted.

It was even stranger not to play around and tease each other all through the store. Normally, when the two of them were together, the small family owned grocery was alive with the boisterous shouts and immature antics of the young twenty somethings as they played around, trying to make each other crack first. The “two lively boys” as the old lady who ran the place called them were forced to be calm and keep their voice down not to wake the baby. The child had fallen asleep again, all while resting in Wakato’s arms. And though Wakato was the one who usually carried the basket, it was Saeki who took the task up while they filled it not only with the groceries they needed for a meal large enough for two people, but also the necessities for taking care of a very small child. A task that was a little more difficult because tings like diapers and pacifiers and bottles and formula and foods had changed since Wakato’s youngest sibling had been a baby.

Though they had tried to be quiet, their initial quest for supplies ended up in what Wakato could call their first real fight. They had never fought before this. He had always avoided it. He had always just quietly accepted that once he went too far, it was his fault and he just needed to shut up and let Saeki cool down and that was that. Then he would never bring up the issue again. And it was also the first time that Saeki didn’t just up and leave to go and cool off somewhere that was not in their shared apartment. It was a silly, pointless argument.

“These diapers would be best for him.” Saeki held up one package.

“No…these would. They’re better.” Wakato held up his own, shifting the baby to learn against his shoulder so that he could wave his choice in the other males face. That had started it. Voices rose as they declared the reasons why their choice was the better one. Wakato was almost tempted to throw his choice at Saeki’s face, but as their voice rose louder and louder, not only did the kindly old lady who ran the store come to tell them to quiet down or leave, but another individual make his own opinion known. One loud howling cry from the infant cradled in Wakato’s arms stopped the argument dead. It hurt Wakato’s ears and made Saeki wince. In the end, they bought both kinds. There were no apologies though. Instead, as Wakato was paying for his half, Saeki’s sorry was accepting the baby for a while.

When he looked over at the other male, lightly rocking the child and murmuring to him, Wakato felt his heart clench. It was so….beautiful. He wondered if that was what Saeki had seen when he had been caught with the baby in the apartment. He felt secure enough to let Saeki carry the baby home. There, he started to give the other male a crash course in baby care. He just hoped that he could still remember all the little things that he had done when he was younger. It had been more fun than he thought to watch Saeki try to feed the baby for the first time. It was even more hilarious when he took a chance to change a diaper. Wakato had never laughed so hard when Saeki learned by experience the hidden dangers that came from changing the diaper of a little boy. A little infant boy that had a very good aim. He kept laughing until the nasty, dirty diaper came flying at him and hit his face. It was followed by a raucous battle of powder that turned Wakato’s hair nearly as pale as Saeki’s dyed portion. And while he was still laughing, Saeki found a wipe and lightly, softly, wiped the powder from off his face.

It was one of those tender moments he had so far pretended to be asleep for. He couldn’t help but lean into the soft wet cloth running over his nose, ridding him of the pale powder. He was almost so taken by it that he nearly forgot that Saeki also needed to be cleaned off. That started another minor battle over the wet wipes. In the end, he had won and they had stood over the now freshly changed child, wiping the powder off of each other’s faces. Wakato then took the time to show Saeki how one fed and burped a infant. It impressed him how much of a natural Saeki was at it.

The night became calm once both they and their little guest had been fed. Though they didn’t have anything like a crib, Saeki dug out some extra blankets and arranged them on the floor so that they baby could have a comfortable place to rest. They did not talk about what would happen if the girl didn’t come back that night. Not when, about the time Saeki was about to turn in for the night, the baby started to cry quiet loudly. Being used to being up until all hours of the night, Wakato was still awake and went to take care of the baby. The child settled down once it got into his arms. But the minute he put the child down to the makeshift bed again, the infant boy started to cry again. At a loss, he looked to Saeki in apology. He knew the other needed rest if he was going to go to work in the morning. He also wondered how he was going to get sleep during the day. He knew he couldn’t keep skipping out on work. One or two days of fake sickness was one thing, but he didn’t want to end up making Saeki work even more to cover his half of the bills. That was why he had a roommate in the first place.

He looked over to Saeki for a moment, as if in apology for putting the other man into this position. He really had been too trusting. But he didn’t want to believe anyone would just thrust their infant child onto someone else and just leave him there. Perhaps, tomorrow, he would go to work and find the mother and demand to know what was going on…If the mother was even there. The pale haired man caught the look and yawned before scooting over on his futon. He swept the covers back and gave a sleepy smile. Wakato raised an eyebrow and the other man mumbled slightly.

“The baby seems not to want to sleep less someone holding him. We’ll deal with what happens next tomorrow, Waka-chen. Just come to bed.” He patted the futon and Wakato frowned just slightly. He heard what the other had said. Come to bed. Not, go to bed. For a moment, Wakato stood there, cradling the child, unsure. Not because he’d never slept with another man before. He definitely had. It was just because it seemed different somehow to sleep with Saeki. Well, not with so much as next to. Still, it was definitely different. He wasn’t sure how to react. He might have stood there all night had not Saeki spoken again. “Hiroshi… you need the sleep too. I promise, we’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

It was the first time that Saeki had ever called him that. Usually, they remained in the rut of informal formality. First names just weren’t used. He was Waka-chan… Or if he was being really monumentally stupid, he was Idiot Waka. It shocked him so much that he found himself hurrying over the to the emptied spot and sliding under the covers. It was warm. It was warmer somehow than when he spent quality time with near strangers in one of the many seedy love motels. And though he might have found it rather difficult to fall asleep so late into the evening, when he would normally be wide awake and at work, the warmth lulled him. He supposed it was the warmth caused by the presence of the baby resting against his chest and the solid warmth against his back. He could hear the smooth breathing of the other man behind him, indicating that Saeki had already go to sleep. He was about to slip off into dreamland himself when Wakato felt a strong and stead arm slide about him to pull him closer to the warmth.
The ginger haired man turned almost as red as his hair and stiffened. What was Saeki thinking. There was an infant right there, with them. Besides, despite those few tender moment, they’d never hugged. Never touched. There had never been any other indication that Saeki had any feelings towards him other than the closeness of friends, or perhaps of brothers.

“Koujirou…” He whispered quietly, as if not to make up the infant sleeping so soundly in his arms. There was no answer. Wakato shifted a little under the tight hold to peer over his shoulder. Those eyes were still closed. That breathing was still calm. It seemed the other man had reached out and put an arm over him while still asleep. Smiling softly, Wakato shifted closer to the warmth of Saeki’s chest. His free hand shifted up and hooked about the hand and held it close to his chest, making sure not to bother the baby. That felt nice. He once more started to drift off to the feel of Saeki’s warmth right against his back. He drifted into pleasant dreams. One of which woke him when he could feel it in the outside world as well. It seemed Saeki must have been dreaming of someone else. Someone important. Wakato woke to the feel of soft lips brushing against the very back of his neck in a loving way. That touch gave him goose bumps. He shivered at the feeling of lips back there on his nape followed by words murmured in the others sleep.

“Love you.” Those words. He knew they were not for him. They just couldn’t be for him. They were just roommates, regardless of how comfortable it was to sleep in the same futon. They weren’t a real family, no matter how much they might act like one on those days they did spend together. Just one day taking care of a baby that might or might not be with them tomorrow did not make them a couple either. If anything, Saeki was probably dreaming about some girlfriend that Wakato had never met. After all, who knew what Saeki got to in that futon after Wakato had left for work. For all Wakato knew, Saeki brought a girl or something to the apartment. There was always enough time for her to leave before he returned in the morning. Even time to stay later than normal, when he was entertaining his special guest of the evening.

It must have been a really good dream at that, because when Wakato shifted a little, in an unconscious effort to get closer to the dreaming man, he could feel hardness. Hardness through not only Saeki’s clothing, but also his own. It almost made him wish the baby wasn’t there. Had the child not been there, Wakato didn’t know what he would have done. He imagined himself being a good friend, and ignoring what was poking at him. But he imagined being an even better friend. Of carefully pulling his own pants down and unzipping Saeki and letting Saeki seek pleasure in his sleep. But that was rape. And despite Wakato’s very strong sex drive, he would never do that to Saeki. Instead, he closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. He closed his eyes and tried hard to ignore the open invitation to be perverse right behind him. Had Saeki been awake, surely the delivery man would have been proud of his restraint. Not that the other knew about his extra curricular activities.

It was the first time Wakato could remember being grateful for and resentful of a person at the same time. He was thankful that the baby was there. Because no matter what, he’d never do anything that would disturb the child more. After all, he could only think of how horrible it must be. How scary and frightening. He wouldn’t have been able to sleep or eat like the child had, had his mother suddenly dropped him at a strange door and left. That was why he wanted to do good for the baby.

Morning came early, with the ear splitting cry of the infant right next to his ear. Wakato jarred awake to find that Saeki had remained right where he was. Only he too had shifted in the middle of the night and while they had been close, the other male was almost literally laying against his back, literally hugging him like he was some stuffed bear. He could heart the other groaning.

“Waka-chan….I think I liked the old alarm clock better. This one doesn’t have a snooze button.”

Wakato laughed softly, but inside, he wished that Saeki would just pull away. Because every word, every breath touched that place on the back of his neck. The place that drove him the most needy the fastest. He let out a small sigh of relief when Saeki finally got up and let him get up as well. While he tended to the child, he watched Saeki putting away the futon they had shared. Once that was away, and they had eaten a breakfast, Wakato waited for the moment when Saekis’ cell would ring and he would get a delivery job. He waited for the moment when he would be once more stuck with dealing with this little 8 month old problem all by himself.

The phone rang. Once…Twice. He turned his back and waited. Nothing. No conversation. He turned back around just in time to see Saeki finish pressing the off button on his phone. In all the time he had lived together with the other man, Wakato had never see Saeki turn off his cell phone. It was never off. He just usually switched it to silent and had it take messages at night. The next moment saw Saeki putting his switched off phone onto the counter. Wakato raised an eyebrow and Saeki laughed. “Didn’t I say we’d take care of this today. We, Waka-chan. You and me. I’m not going to make you do this all by yourself.”

Wakato turned around, the baby still in his arms. He moved the child into one arm and rushed towards Saeki to hug him tightly. He could hear the baby cooing, happily, trapped somewhat between the two of them. He felt like cooing too when arms went around him and he got pulled close for a moment. He looked up through his russet bangs and noticed the light flush on Saeki’s face. He lingered a moment longer before pulling away. As he did, he could feel the soft touch trail over his neck. It made him shiver. But he felt so very happy about that soft hug. It was all he needed to know that Saeki really was going to help him. “Thank you.” He muttered. Still, he was worried about Saeki coming to the host bar. The other had never been to his place of work, even if they were coming in the day, when it was still quiet.

The Jyousei club was a bit of a walk, but one that Wakato took every day. He knew the neighborhood and in the morning, when he came home, it he did sometimes worry about thugs jumping him, but so far, he hadn’t heard of any of the hosts being attacked on the way from work. Besides, he always took longer shifts when he wasn’t entertaining at a hotel. The longer shift meant that he had daylight when he started down the streets from home. But he’d never done the entire walk with someone else, and not with two someones. It was odd but nice to have Saeki with him. He felt safe. It made him wonder if he could ask Saeki to walk him to work every night. But he knew that wasn’t possible. Saeki had his delivery service and needed the sleep.

As he walked, he explained the club. He had heard all about Saeki’s delivery service, but he’d never really told Saeki about the club being what it was. All Sae-chan knew was that Waka-chan worked in a bar of some kind until all hours of the morning. He supposed that it was only fair that he told, but he soon found he didn’t have to. Saeki already knew. Saeki had known for a while where it was he worked. It made Wakato nervous until the pale haired man lightly touched him on the back and told him “It’s cool. If I could afford it, I’d be your best costumer.”

To that, Wakato laughed and gave Saeki a host smile. “I already host you, Sae-chan… And you get me for free.” He started to laugh but Saeki did not. Instead, he noticed the frown again. It made him give pause. And he finally asked what he had been waiting a long time to ask. “Why do you so that, Sae-chan? Why do you seem so mad at me when I do that?”

The other man stopped his steps and lightly took the baby from Wakato’s arms. When he did, he used it as an opportunity to lean close and whisper into Wakato’s pierced ear. “Because…I like Hiroshi when he’d being real. You’re a good actor, but I like you best when you’re you. It makes me sad when you do that because I’m not sure if you know when you stop and the act starts…I want the real you. I like the real you.” The words caused Wakato to flush softly as Saeki continued to walk with the baby. Wakato had to run to catch back up. He didn’t know why it made him so happy to know that Saeki liked him without the host act. Without the fake smiles or a overly friendly flirting. He could just flirt normally and even be serious.

Like right now. As they neared the club, Wakato looked over at his companion. “Saeki…what if she’s not there? What if Tomaka abandoned him with us? What do you do then?” He didn’t know. Surely, they needed to go to the authorities. That was what was best. They could give the infant to the authorities and the child could be placed in a good home somewhere. The little boy would never need for anything. The child could have a loving mother and father and a nice house and a good school. It was far better than being raised by two men who worked all the time and lived in a shitty cramped one room apartment with no heat. No…they were in no way or means ready to take care of a baby for real. He knew that, but he wanted Saeki to give him the answer. If only because he didn’t want to seem like an absolute idiot by trusting the mother to be there.

Saeki paused. He looked down the baby and then to Wakato. There was a small smile for a long moment, the man said nothing. He just stood there looking down at the child. He then looked back to Wakato. A moment later, the other man moved close. He kept walking and Wakato had to walk backwards, else the baby in Saeki’s arm might bet squashed and it would start to cry. Wakato already knew he hated it when the baby cried. He was a strong baby boy and his voice carried rather far. There were lots of people who were probably still asleep that would get woken up by such crying in the streets.

His back hit the wall and Saeki came even closer. He lightly placed the boy child into Wakato’s arms. For a moment, the other man adjusted the blanket they were using to keep the child warm while he was being carried about. The motion distracted him. When Wakato looked up, Saeki was in his personal space. A hand was on his face. The man lightly pressed lips to his. It was a shy, kiss, but one none the less.

“What do we do? That’s’ a silly question…We think of a name for our son, Hiroshi… Now..let’s go.”

Everything changed when the baby arrived. Babies usually changed everything, just by being born. Any time one had before the arrival of the first child changed. Life revolved around the baby. Even before the arrival of the baby, there were doctors appointments and baby showers and a thousand other little things that needed to be done that revolved around the baby. The arrival of the child meant that life would never ever be the same again. It could be good, or it could be bad, but the change was as inevitable as the sun rising in the morning.