Finding Your Way Home

Warning this chapter isn’t for the faint of heart. I didn’t go graphic but its pretty suggestive.

Sid

Mousse drove Ranma to Reiko’s apartment in silence, sensing that she was nervous about meeting someone who had beat the same addiction as hers...............and triumphed over it. He knew that she had been struggling against it, and wanted nothing more then to kick it all together. He thought about telling her that he knew she could do it because she was the strongest person he’d ever met, whether male or female, but realized that that sounded patronizing as she still hated her female form. He didn’t understand that as she was oddly.....compelling as a woman. He was rather ashamed that he was attracted to her. He knew that she (who really wasn’t a she) only regarded him as being a friend and would be horrified to learn that he was starting to see her in a different light. So he silently drove in confusion.

Ranma’s mind was racing with the possibility that this man she was going to see could be the key to her future. She appreciated the support of her counselors and that of the other patients that she’d met but found that the medical system was too quick to hand out pills and shift their charges from one addiction to another. Quitting cold turkey was something that was whispered about in fear. She wanted her life back, plain and simple, even if she could never go back to being what she had been. She wanted to wake every morning and not be shaking and sweating for something that might eventually end up killing her. She’d never approved of drugs in the past and wouldn’t have ever used them if given the choice. She wanted to get back into shape; she wanted to start doing martial arts again. She wanted to take control of her own future. All her life she had been told what to do by her mother, her father and then the Tendo family. She realized now that no one had ever asked her what she wanted and now it was time for her to choose for herself where she would live, what she would do and who she would marry. She felt that each wheel turn of the huge car was bringing her closer to her destiny. Somehow she felt that meeting Reiko’s brother was pivotal for her future. He would help her if no one else could. Her heart skipped a beat when Mousse announced that they‘d arrived and her breath hitched.

Mousse managed to ignore the look of panic on Ranma’s face that flitted across it for a second before her calm mask slipped back into place, he didn’t want her to know that he had noticed it and was nervous for her. Instead he offered her his hand to help her out of the car, as it was awkward for her to get out of the huge automobile with her petit frame. She accepted his help as she knew that he would never view her as being a helpless female. She took his hand, her’s was ice cold. When she got out, she appreciated that he held her hand a few seconds longer then necessary and gave it a small squeeze of encouragement; she gave him a tight smile in return.

The door was opened by the now modern day Reiko, Ranma had been surprised to find that under the vintage clothes and wigs, that Reiko’s thick dark hair had been dyed a bright poppy red. She probably thought made her look older and sophisticated, but instead it made her look young and vulnerable. Reiko’s taste in modern clothing was somewhat a somewhat baggy punkish style with lots of bright colours all clashing together. Ranma had asked her how she went to school with that hair; she’d shrugged and told her that she wore an ugly brown wig over it while there. “Hi Ranma, hi Mousse, please come in. Nadir is ready to see you” she said.

They were escorted through the apartment and into the second largest of the three bedrooms. A young man sat in front of his text books, Ranma could tell at half a glance that he was Reiko’s brother. He had the same neat, cute features and large brown eyes, yet there was a look in them that bespoke of seeing too much for one so young. She knew that physically he was nineteen, but looked younger than his age. He wore a blue t-shirt and jeans that were both neat but unfussy, such as Mousse tended to wear at home when not working. He shut his notebook and focused those wounded eyes on them. “Hello again Mousse. You must be Ranma” he said giving her a welcoming smile and extending his hand to her. She tried not to stare at the track marks decorating his arms around his veins as she shook his hand. “Please worry about offending me by examining them, I have them on my neck and legs too” he said calmly.

“I hear you can get them removed by laser treatment or get skin creams to fade them” Ranma said, not sure how to respond to how causal he was about it.

“I know that I don’t have to wear them like a brand from my misspent youth, but I choose to keep them to remind myself what can happen if I give into temptation again. I’m getting my degree in mechanical engineering. I never thought that I would even live to see twenty” he said without humour. “I hope you don’t mind, but I like to tell people how I got involved in drugs before I have these talks. Is that alright with you?” he asked her.

“Go ahead” Ranma replied.

“Our family went through a bad patch after my father lost his job a few years ago. He started drinking too much and he and mom used to fight all the time about that and money; it was hard on both Reiko and I. I fell in with a bad crowd and met a girl I thought I loved. She liked to get high when she made love and kept on encouraging me to try it with her. Finally I gave in because I thought a few lines of coke couldn’t hurt. However I found out that I really enjoyed it because it dulled the pain of my home life. I started spending more time at the meeting house where drugs flowed like water and my girl and I would get high all the time. It got to the point where I starting using during the day and soon snorting a little coke wasn’t enough. One night someone got me to try H and I was hooked. I couldn’t go for more then a few hours without injecting myself, my money ran out and I started selling as well as using. My mother could see something was wrong because I was losing weight, couldn’t sleep and was tweaked out all the time. It was Reiko who figured out what was going on first and told her; Reiko who was only twelve at the time and should have been daydreaming about her first kiss rather then noticing her brother spiraling down. By that time the drug controlled me, I didn’t worry about sleeping or eating, I worried about my next fix. My parents held an intervention and I laughed in their faces and told them I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t. It wasn’t until my mother took me to the morgue that I realized where I was heading. I took a good look at my life and realized I needed to stop. I cut ties with all of the people in the gang and with a heavy heart dropped my girlfriend because I could never quit with her always wanting to use. For three long days I locked myself in our apartment and suffered from chills, fever, insomnia, diarrhea, vomiting all the other lovely withdrawal symptoms. It literally felt like I would die and I probably would have caved if I hadn’t had Reiko and my parents there to encourage me. Once the three days were up, I finally felt tired and had a bath and slept for most of the next day. I still got cravings but would treat them with nothing stronger then orange juice. An excellent high because of all the sugar and healthy too” he said. “My example caused our father to get sober and Suzie got him a job as the warehouse manager in the meat packing plant that she used” he explained. “Now would you like to share your story?”

Ranma bit her lower lip and glanced at Mousse, he gave her a nod of encouragement. “I-I will but Reiko has to leave” she stammered.

“Hey I’m not a kid!” Reiko protested.

“You should go” her brother stated. “She’s obviously not comfortable talking about this in front of you”

“She’s my friend, I should be here for her” Reiko said stubbornly.

Ranma couldn’t help but smile even under the circumstances, she’d known the girl for only a short time but felt the same. “I don’t mean that I think you’re a child, but I there’s things in the world that you shouldn’t know about yet. Please? I promise to tell you everything when you’re sixteen” she almost pleaded, despite how uncertain her life was right now, Ranma felt she would know Reiko a long time.

“Was it really that bad?” Reiko asked, suddenly sounding as young as she actually was.

“It was a horrible time” Ranma concurred.

Reiko studied the broken woman in front of her and then nodded. “Okay I’ll leave, I have some homework to do” she said and promptly left.

Mousse realized how personal their conversation was going to be, stood up to. “I guess I’ll go help Reiko with her homework, algebra’s a bit of a weak spot with her” he said tactfully.

He was surprised when Ranma reached out and took his hand and said “please stay, you’ve been so good to me. You have a right to know”

“Are you sure?” he asked her.

“I want you here” she admitted, he sat beside her and neither brought attention to the fact that he kept holding hands with her. “I used to live in Nerima at the same time as Mousse. We weren’t friends because he hated me because his girlfriend wanted to marry me....there were also three other girls who did to........ and more guys who hated me. It was a bit fucked up back then between the hugs, the gropes and the challenges; I hated it, I wanted out. My father took me from my mother when I was very young, promising her to make me a men amongst men. He signed a contract with her on my behalf, for both of us that we would commit seppuku if he failed to. My mother has decided to honour that contract” she said and paused.

“Wait your mother wants you dead? That’s whacked,” Nadir exclaimed.

Mousse’s eyes almost popped out of his head “you mean that your mother is worst then your father?” he exclaimed.

Ranma nodded and continued “My father spent the next several years training me to be the best martial artist in the world. We mainly lived in our tent as we rarely had any money. I was a cute kid and my father would use that to his advantage. He would take me into the streets to beg and cry when we were hungry and kind people would give us food. He even engaged me to two restaurateurs, (yes one was Ukyou, Mousse) for food. Sometimes he would get a job and we would rent a house and life would be easier for a while and I would go to school. But then we would always move on and I would have to leave any friends I made behind. If I complained, my father would tell me that training was more important then friendship. I never had a girlfriend. I didn’t even know that I was engaged to a Tendo girl until I was literally hauled to their house. I liked living with them, but didn’t want to be forced into a marriage with someone who didn’t seem to like me. You see, I’d been told to do my whole life and no one ever asked me how I felt about it. It wasn’t just Akane calling me a pervert for nothing or my so-called old friends showing up and one wanted to marry me and the one wanted to kill me, or you and Shampoo or even being groped by Kunos that made me want to leave. It was my whole fucked up life; it was my pimp of a father and not even being able to see my mother in case she found out about my curse. I got depressed about the whole thing and longed only to be free of everything and everyone. So I saved all the money I’d made while being forced to waitress and ran away one night. I didn’t leave a note because I knew that whatever I said would be twisted anyway”

“Ranma, I’m sorry” Mousse said. He’d envied Ranma’s natural leadership and popularity back in the day and hadn’t realized how hard it must have been for him. Mousse challenging him for Shampoo, Ryoga and Kuno challenging him for Akane and all of them ganging up on several occasions. To be constantly hunted like an animal must have been hard on Ranma, and then there were the girls constantly competing with each other to claim him. How could Mousse have been jealous of that? He’d thought that Ranma had been making out like a bandit and had tons of friends. But had he really? Sure everyone had been in awe of him and followed him. Hadn’t Mousse himself followed him blindly when Akane was in trouble? He hadn’t even questioned why he did it. Now Mousse saw how blind he’d really been to another human being’s misery and felt bad about it.

“You didn’t know” Ranma reassured him, squeezing his hand. “After I left Nerima, I wandered around happily because I was free for the first time in my life. But soon the money started running out and no one would hire me because of my age and lack of experience; all potential employers told me to go back to school. I soon was living in a tent exclusively like I had when I was a boy. Remembering how I could use my girl form to get things I wanted from men, I started hanging around places I might meet them as a girl. It worked like a charm; they would feed me and take me on dates. This would go on until they got demanding about having sex with me, and then I would duck into the nearest washroom, splash myself with warm water and get away. This went on for a while as I moved from town to town; there’s so many gullible men in the world” she said with a bitter smile. “I got better at flirting and I would get not only free meals, but presents I could sell to support myself. It was harmless fun; I made sure that no one actually got hurt. The relationships I ended by me telling them that I was saving myself for marriage, they actually seemed to like that for some reason. It almost seemed like a challenge, they would take me out for more expensive dates and lavish nice presents on me. I would accept them all and not have to do a thing. So I went out tons of dates and wouldn’t offer as much as a kiss. It was going wonderfully until I went to party one night at a biker’s hangout. A female friend said it was good harmless fun; I didn’t know that she was being paid to recruit girls. Someone slipped something in my drink and I started to feel dizzy, I must have passed out because when I woke up, I was naked and tied to a bed and I ached....down here” she said with a blush, touching her hand lightly to her groin.

“It was your first time as a female?” Mousse asked, he felt like weeping at what she was saying.

“It was my first time ever” she answered numbly. “I was told that they had to tie me down despite the date rape drug, I still fought them. Then they all had a turn with me. I thought they would let me go, but their leader was intrigued by the idea of having a real redhead work for him as a whore. He knew for fact that I was real, as did all the other guys at the party. I refused and they kept me tied down and used me as they saw fit. I was too weak to get out of the cuffs as I was barely fed. Do you have any clue how it feels to be violated; the shame is horrible. They eventually moved me from their basement into a modified cellar to try and ‘convince me’ I was still naked and couldn’t escape. They brought me water only when they wanted to and fed me as they saw fit. Still I refused. They didn’t know that I’d made friends with a small orphan girl who they paid to clean the place, who was smuggling food in for me. She was just a sweet twelve-year-old named Su Lee, I worried about what might happen to her if they caught her, but she said not to worry. She was so brave. I thought they didn’t know until one night they brought her to me naked and did to her all that I’d refused to do. They made me watch while she screamed, I never felt so helpless. Afterwards they said that they would keep her as hostage and they would do it to her again I refused. I didn’t refuse anything after that, I went with the men that they told me to and would bring them the money. But I guess my grimness was bad for business because one day they injected me with heroin, it made me temporarily happy, so I didn’t object when they did it again. A part of me knew it was wrong, but it made sleeping with men more tolerable, so I took it when they said. It became so that I needed it to get through the day. This went on for about a year when they started commenting that my looks were starting to go and I was bad for business. So they offered me a trade, I was to be in a lesbian movie and then they would let me go. I agreed. I never even thought about how young the other girl’s body was as I sucked, licked and nibbled her as I was directed to. I had no clue who she was because she wore a leather mask the entire time. The only thing that kept me going that long year was the thought that at least Su Lee was safe. I believed that until they took her mask off and I realized that the giggling girl was Su Lee. They’d lied to me; they not only made her into a whore, but a drug addict as well. I raged at them until they calmed me down by giving me a shot of heroin. They then drove me to the bus stop and bought me a random ticket and put me on the bus; that’s how I wound up here. I tried to find work again, but who would hire a drug addicted prostitute? Out of the need to feed myself and get my fixes, I turned to prostitution again. One day I woke up in a hotel room some john had booked for us and turned on the shower......and I didn’t change back. I now understand that it takes three days to fertilize a woman and I’d spent most of my time as one. I wasn’t using protection; I was spending most of my profits on H. When I found out I was pregnant, I had no idea what to do. So I ignored it and carried on as if nothing was wrong, until one night I knew I had to get off the streets, if only for my sake. I approached a cop and asked him where I could get help; all he did was threaten to arrest me if I didn’t give him a blow job. So I gave up, I stayed where I was allowed to and took care of myself as best as I could. Until one night I started to miscarry and Mousse found me” Ranma concluded.

“Oh my gods Ranma, I wish I could have been there. If you’d only stayed in Nerima! You could have talked to me; I would have given you the money to leave” Mousse cried, he was visibly weeping while Ranma was as calm as a cucumber. She’d just told him the most horrible story he’d ever heard in his life was if she reading off stereo instructions. “I’ll find your friend and get her help” he vowed. Ranma gave his hand a small squeeze and turned her head to serendipitously brush a tear away. She’d worried about Su Lee and couldn’t think of a better saviour for her. Somehow she knew that Mousse would find her.

“So you never chose this life for yourself? What do you want to do?” Nadir asked her bluntly.

“I want to get clean.....and then I want to teach my martial arts school. That’s always been my goal” Ranma said firmly.

“I can help you de-tox if you want, but it’ll feel like you’re dying. If you agree to my system I won’t allow you any drugs, unless your life’s actually in danger” he cautioned.

“I want to do it, I don’t want to be dependent on anything ever again” she said.

“It’ll be hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life” he warned.

“You don’t know what I’ve done. Bring it on” she snarled.

“Very well, we’ll need a place you’re comfortable in”

“How about our home?” she suggested.

Mousse turned to look at her questioningly, she’d never called his house home before; she normally referred to it as Mousse’s place or his place. His heart fluttered a bit to hear her say that. “Yes and I’m helping her” he added.

“That’ll be fine; you’ll need to close the restaurant for a few day as she’s going to need all the support she can get. I know that Reiko will want to help. Are you sure about this?” he asked her one final time.

Ranma looked at Mousse, his face was nothing but supportive. “You’re the strongest person I know, you can beat this thing. It doesn’t matter what form you wear; you’re Ranma” he said.

“Yes, I am Ranma. That’s what I forgot when I got lost in this female body. Please help me Nadir, I need to find myself again” she cried.

“Its going to be hard finding your way back” he said.

“It also doesn’t mean that you can get your male body back” Mousse pointed out.

“So what, I’m Ranma! Ranma isn’t about a body, it’s about being a person and I’m RANMA!” she cried again almost joyfully. She never back down from a challenge before and never would! She turned so that she could bask in the look of admiration that Mousse gave her. Her blue eyes locked with his green and in them she found the courage she needed.