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Gone Forever	By : Nayru774 Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3479 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Warnings: Some serious Yullen talk, angst.

~Gone Forever~

Chapter 04: Come out and play!

It took a longer while of intense contemplation and rolling around the bed before Allen finally made up his mind and stocked up the courage to leave his room. And by the time he did so, he still wasn't sure if what he was intending to do was the wisest thing in the world. Then again, what could happen in the worst case scenario? There was only one way to find out, right?

At least that's what the boy kept telling himself when he found himself standing in front of the door leading to Kanda's room.

Looking to his left and right one more time, Allen made sure that nobody else was in the corridor beside him, and thankfully, it seemed that the lights were green the whole time.

Alright...

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door rapidly, almost as if wanting to prevent himself from getting second thoughts about it. Now that the wheels have been put into motion, there was no turning back.

Right after he did what he did, however, realization about one thing hit him.

...What time was it again? It was late evening, for Christ's sake. Obviously the best of times for paying an unexpected visit to someone who didn't even consider yourself an acquaintance, let alone a friend.

Even more horror made itself apparent on the young Exorcist's face, as he realized that Kanda might indeed take his late visit the wrong way, considering what the dark-haired man said − or rather suggested − last time.

Great going, Allen... The boy kicked himself mentally, desperately trying to find some kind of quick solution.

Unfortunately, no brilliant ideas came. Running away now wasn't even an option; if Kanda were to notice him doing so, he'd seriously just make an idiot out of himself and probably die from embarrassment.

Surprisingly, seconds passed and nothing happened.

The white-haired blinked a few times, then relaxed a little when he realized that nobody had the intention of answering the door.

Maybe Kanda was already asleep? Or maybe he wasn't even in his room, for all Allen knew.

Either way, the boy wasn't intending to ponder on the possibilities, not here and not now, at least. Lady Luck must have been on his side on this one, so he should be grateful and just go back to his room as fast as possible−

"Do you know what time it is?"

Allen jumped in shock, letting a sound of surprise, and almost rammed himself against the door before him when he suddenly heard the manly voice coming from somewhere beside him. He turned around abruptly, not caring that his eyes were wide like two silver coins.

"Ah, Kanda..." Great timing, really. Maybe luck wasn't on his side after all, just like it wasn't in the past days or weeks. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice anyone approached him just now. "...I wanted to talk with−"

"There's nothing to talk about." Kanda cut him off bluntly, turning to open his room as if it were the most natural thing to do right now. And ignoring everything else, he made his way inside.

Allen's reaction was a bit off at the moment, but he managed to catch the door in the last minute, before Kanda shut it right in front of his face. "W-Wait!"

And then the fierce struggle was on, and the white-haired was very well aware that he would lose this fight, if it weren't for the foot that was hindering the door from closing. After a few seconds of hearing nothing more than curses that were being thrown at him, however, he really started to doubt his actions and wonder whether he really should just let it all go and 'get lost' as Kanda so passionately wished.

But then, to Allen's biggest surprise, the dark-haired man was the one who let go of the door first, sighing in annoyance. Then he made his way further into the room without saying anything, apparently leaving the other do what he wanted.

...The younger Exorcist figured he could come in?

"There's something you're not telling me, isn't there...?"

"I'd never lie to you, Lenalee." Komui looked at his sister with a gentle expression, smiling slightly. "Just... Please, understand. It's something that shouldn't leave Central for the time being."

"So there is something wrong..." The girl whispered, saddening even more. "Nii-san, what did Allen do...? What's happening...?" Lenalee knew something was off ever since that Howard guy started to stalk her friend without an apparent reason. And now, after the conversation she witnessed, worry wasn't letting her rest for a single minute anymore.

Komui heaved a soft sigh, then moved closer, giving his sister a gentle hug. "I'm sure Allen will tell you everything himself when the time comes." The supervisor spoke in an assuring tone. "...Just believe in him for now. Okay?"

"Nii-san..." Lenalee hugged tightly in return. She didn't understand any of this. What could be so serious for everyone to keep it secret?

"It's hard on me, too." The man continued after a short moment. "Don't worry, Lenalee. Everything will be alright, I'm sure of it."

The female Exorcist pulled away, looking in her brother's eyes with a pained expression. She wanted to believe that, but there was nothing she could do to convince herself so far. What was she supposed to do?

"Come on, try to get some rest." Komui spoke silently, placing his hands on the girl's shoulders. "We'll have a busy day tomorrow."

The gloomy atmosphere was probably the first thing that Allen noticed after he took a step inside. Although the structure of the room was very similar to his own, somehow he felt as if he were in a completely different dimension all of a sudden.

There was just a single bed, and a table with a big hourglass standing on top of it. With... a lotus flower inside?

So this is Kanda's room...

Any further observations were had to be saved for later, as the dark-haired man gave his visitor an intense look, right after he took a seat on the bed.

Allen closed the door behind him gently, then pressed his back to them, and just stood there, not daring to move further into the room. Not yet, at least.

"About what you said..."

"I told you to forget it." Kanda interrupted the other again, his voice sharp like a razor. But then his self-confidence seemed to have wavered, as he broke eye contact with the boy. "I wasn't thinking straight when I said that..."

...Okay, so much for that part. Allen thought to himself, wondering about another way to start a decent conversation around here. Kanda apparently wasn't in the mood to talk, but then again he never was, so that wasn't anything new. The younger Exorcist knew he wouldn't get much out of this conversation until he pushed it. And − goddamn it all − even if arguing was the only way to get Kanda talking, he decided to go that way if necessary.

"...So you're going back on your word now?" Allen spoke in a more confident voice, though he still wasn't sure if pushing the matter this way was a wise thing to do at all. Mainly because he didn't know what he was trying to get at himself. "I thought you hated people who didn't keep their promises."

The white-haired's remark brought Kanda's stare back to him, showing a mixture of anger, slight disbelief and confusion right now.

"...Or are you afraid that I might have taken that the wrong way?" Allen continued, as the older man stayed silent for the time being.

"What wrong way?" Kanda finally asked, irritated. "...Didn't I make myself clear enough?"

There was silence for a moment, then the younger boy swallowed nervously before he spoke again. "...How's sleeping with me supposed to make things any better?"

The dark-haired man's gaze turned to a contemptuous one. "Because apparently that's what you wanted in the first place."

Allen blinked, slightly taken aback by the answer. "I wanted to help you, Kanda!" He frowned, trying to sound as if he meant it.

"Right." The older man gave a shrug. "And if someone else were to end up in the same situation, you'd help them, too, wouldn't you?" His voice had a sarcastic ring to it.

The white-haired clenched his fists in annoyance. "At least I'm not a cold-hearted bastard who doesn't give a damn about anyone!" Okay, maybe that was a bit over the line there, because Allen already had enough opportunities to realize that Kanda wasn't entirely on the inside what he was on the outside, but somehow he didn't care right now.

"At least I'm not an unreasonable idiot who'd threw away his life for anyone." The older man countered, apparently pissed as well, but making a better job at keeping his composure.

"You"re such a−" Allen stopped himself from finishing that, letting out one big growl of irritation. "No, okay, let's just... stop there." The boy tried to get ahold of himself and calmed down, letting out a deep sigh. "We're going in circles again. I didn't come here to argue with you."

"Could have fooled me." Kanda didn't seem to be convinced.

"See, you're at it again! For God's sake, Kanda, can't we talk like normal people for once in our entire lives?" Allen finally brought himself to move from the door frame and approached his comrade, taking a seat on the floor across from the bed, trying not to get too close for both his and Kanda's taste. "What exactly are you so mad about?"

"You're the one who has some kind of fucking problem around here!" The dark-haired man snapped at him, raising his own voice this time. "Did you come here just to piss me off again?"

Allen tried to ignore those last remarks, assuming they would only lead to more pointless fighting. That's not the direction he wanted to go in. "...You're mad because you don't remember anything, is that it?"

"I'm mad because you butt into other people's business without thinking twice!" Kanda thundered immediately. "Have more faith in other people, will you?"

"...Ah." The white-haired paused for a moment, startled. ...Did Kanda actually mean that he wanted for Allen to trust him more? Was he pissed because he didn't let him handle the situation on his own? "But... you could have died..."

"I wouldn't die!" The older man hissed.

"...You couldn't expect me to simply sit back and watch when your life was on the line!" Allen complained.

"Are you deaf?" Kanda's beliefs didn't seem to change in the slightest. "I'm telling you I wouldn't die!"

The younger Exorcist fell silent and kept staring at the man before him, slight confusion invading him. And before he knew it, the feeling of guilt was tearing it's way into his chest.

"So it's actually my fault, I..." Allen paused, averting his gaze to the floor as comprehension hit in. "You're... You're right. I had no right to make such a decision on my own... I−"

"For the love of God, just don't start and go whining on me now." Kanda rolled his eyes, speaking in a calm voice again. "That just... shouldn't have happened. What the hell was Komui thinking, anyway?"

Suddenly a faint smile made it's way to Allen's lips, but there was no malice in it. "Well... I had my ways to convince him."

Kanda raised an eyebrow at that. No, seriously, apart from pissing the living hell out of him, the younger Exorcist was a real mystery to him sometimes. Even though Hell would rather freeze over before the dark-haired man addmitted it to himself, Allen did change since the first time they met. That annoying naivety and unreasonableness was still there in him, but... something was seriously off now and then. And whenever the younger boy made weird remarks such as these, Kanda couldn't help but take them for mockery, as he was convinced Allen wasn't himself when he was acting that way. He probably wouldn't give a damn about any of it, were it not for the fact that it got to the point where it almost disturbed him sometimes.

"Komui was the one who suggested finding a partner for you, in case you didn't know." Allen continued in a collected voice, seriousness back in his features. "...Just be glad that Lenalee or Miranda didn't take my place."

Kanda was left dombfounded just from hearing that. What the hell, was that supposed to be a joke, or was Komui seriously out of his fucking mind? Had he ended up with... obvious consequences from sleeping with a woman, he'd seriously kill anyone that would be responsible for it. Be it even the supervisor, he wouldn't care. ...Hell no, he didn't even want to imagine such a scenario.

But things could have really ended up much worse then they did, now that Kanda thought about it.

Hatred was the dominant emotion that he felt for Allen - so much hasn't changed ever since they met, and somehow the dark-haired was convinced it wouldn't change for as long as he lived, no matter what happened. Walker was just one of those types of people he simply couldn't stand. Because of this, the fact that he had caused the other pain in one way or another wasn't something he should practically feel guilty about. The white-haired was the one who asked for it, anyway, so he simply got what he deserved. Maybe he could learn a thing or two from his own stupidity. Those careless actions of his simply pissed Kanda off to no end, and that was probably one of the main reasons why the older Exorcist hated the other so much.

But didn't that make things easier?

If only...

"Um..." Allen was the one who broke the awkward silence that somehow fell between them, interrupting the dark-haired man's thoughts. "Kanda, is that... debt thing still valid?" He asked, unsure.

All in all, they didn't get to decide on that in the end, have they?

The older man blinked once, wondering what the hell did that idiot come up with this time. But he didn't need to take his sweet time to give an answer to that question.

"...What do you want?"

"Let me repeat myself." A manly voice echoed throughout the hall. "You didn't kidnap me. I let you kidnap me."

"Oh, but of course." Tyki was the one to answer, trying to sound bewildered. "We wouldn't expect anything less from a General."

"Would you two stop it already?" Road interrupted the conversation. "If I didn't know better, I'd seriously think you were trying to flirt with eachother."

Cross turned in Tyki's direction, smirking. "Sorry to disappoint you, lad. You're not my type."

"Aww, now you broke his heart!" The eldest Noah sounded amused. She jumped, making her way to the General and threw her arms around his neck in a playful manner. The heavy chains that were currently restraining his movements made a clanking sound. "Who is your type then, hmm?"

"Sorry, I'm not into loli, either." Marian tried to look unaffected.

"Would you please stop playing with the enemy." Lulubell suddenly appeared from behind the corner. "We need to move quickly."

"Now she's something I could fall for." Cross admitted, though it was obvious he wasn't serious about anything he said regarding the topic so far.

Lulu Bell simply tried to ignore him.

"Planning on attacking the Central with my appearance now?" The red-haired General suddenly spoke with more dignity. "You think all of them are stupid enough to fall for something like that?"

"Aren't you already under suspicion?" Road smiled at him slyly. "Poor Allen, you'll probably break his heart, too."

Cross smiled in return. "So you're actually going through all the trouble just to lure my idiot-apprentice out. I shouldn't be surprised."

The sudden sound of chains hitting the floor made the girl blink in slight confusion. She jumped away from the General abruptly.

"Easy, I won't do anything." Marian spoke in a carefree voice, as he adjusted his clothes and stretched his hands. Not yet, at least. "Uncomfortable these things, aren't they?"

Nobody moved as the three Noah stared at Cross in silence.

"Lad." The red-head suddenly turned in Tyki's direction one more time. "Could you lend me a smoke?"

While Kanda was lost in his thoughts, Allen was also lost in his own − although they were very, very different compared to eachother. And the younger boy couldn't help but wonder where they actually came from all of a sudden, but somehow they did. Even though he told himself it was the last thing he should ask right now, let alone do, he simply...

"Could I..." Allen swallowed nervously, averting his gaze to the floor, blushing slightly.

What the hell am I thinking... The boy asked himself again, being at a loss. Kanda would kill him for this. There was no way... But at the same time, the thought just wouldn't leave him alone.

"...Can I kiss you?"

Truth to be told, Allen simply found it kind of awkward that they ended up in bed together and didn't even get a chance to kiss eachother before. Was it stupid to think that? He had no idea, but that was simply something he felt like doing right now.

"...What?" As expected, Kanda was completely taken aback by the question.

"Because... we never got the chance to before." The white-haired stretched the topic further, trying to sound more confident. "...And I simply feel like it."

The Japanese stayed still. "Hormones getting the better of you?" And it that was supposed to be a contempt, it sure sounded a bit too serious for one.

The question made Allen look in the other's eyes again, but his gaze was filled with something Kanda couldn't quite grasp. "Afraid?"

What, was he trying to turn this into a challenge now? The nerve of that bastard, what the hell was he trying to pull? The older man stayed motionless for a moment, before he closed his eyes in a scowl.

"I guess I did say you could do what you wanted..." Kanda was apparently mad at himself now, too.

When he opened his eyes, Allen was just staring at him.

Christ, I must be going out of my fucking mind. The dark-haired man sighed. "So? Are you going to sit there all night?"

The invitation encouraged the younger boy to move, as he slowly stood up and made his way closer to the other. His first thought was to sit beside Kanda on the bed, but something in the back of his mind told him to choose a more daring option.

The dark-haired man arched himself backward a little, giving Allen an irritated look, as the boy sat in his lap, facing him. And Kanda fought the sudden urge to hit him for it. "Don't get so damn cocky, you−"

His voice died a miserable death before he got to finish, however.

Both Allen's and Kanda's eyes shot open wide in shock. They didn't move, wondering − or rather hoping, that the sudden knock on the door was just their imagination.

But the door burst open even before they got a chance to react.

"Yuu, there's−" The new visitor stopped dead in his tracks, right after he entered the room, blinking. "Uh..."

And then there was silence.

Grave silence.

Nayru's Note: To be honest with you, this chapter didn't exactly turn out how I originally wanted it to. I ended up editing it a lot of times. I also cut the story in a different place than I intended, mainly because everything took more space to develop than I assumed it would, but I guess that's actually a good thing.

I was hesitant about the outcome of Allen's and Kanda's conversation, because things I planned to happen overall were really hard to get at when it came down to it in the end. Kanda seemed simply OOC for my taste – he's really hard to write when you want him to do things he supposedly would never even think of doing. I guess I just pushed things in the direction for everything to work out somehow...
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Gone Forever