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Hakkai's Secret	By : TsuzukiM Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 3026 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki, know the author, or make and money off this story. I do not own any of the characters except the ones I create.

Chapter List
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Sorry its been a couple of days since I put up a chapter! I'll make up for it by putting them up more quickly for a few days. I still need a beta for the later chapters as of the posting of this one.

Hakkai's Secret

ch.4

It had snowed recently, but had then warmed up. Everything was white and crisp and the air clear and tingly in Hakkai's nose. The fresh snow was already melting and it made for a lot of mud, and would make far more by the time it was all gone.

The sun blazed and reflected off the snow. It was blinding but at the same time beautiful in only the way winter could be. Hakkai stretched and puffed his breath into the breezes in little white clouds. He was in the best mood he'd experienced for months. The little dragon dropped from the heavens onto his shoulder and snuggled up under Hakkai's chin. Hakkai giggled and played finger games with the little dragon. The dragon bit him, but Hakkai knew he could trust his pet to not hurt him. When he bit anybody else, including Gojyo, he drew blood.

“Kyuu!” cried the white dragon- who didn't look so white against the brilliant snow.

“Hakuryuu, you need a bath. Come into the shower with me tonight?”

“Kyuu??”

Hakkai chuckled. The little dragon flapped his wings, making cold air go down the back of Hakkai's coat.

“Hakuryuu!” he cried and batted at the dragon. Hakuryuu sailed through the air and circled. It was really warm for this time of year. The cold and murky winter made days like this all the more valuable.

This was to be a routine day. He would work at the library for several hours while Gojyo messed up the house and left cigarette butts everywhere. He'd go to the market at the end of his shift and pick out things for dinner. He'd go home, feed Gojyo and say good bye to him when he left for the night for his card games. Then he'd clean up the mess he'd made, settle in bed for the night and read until Gojyo came home.

There was absolutely no reason to believe it might go any other way.

Except he caught the smell of lotus blossoms.

He had to pass through the market to get to the library. When he first picked up the scent he immediately dismissed it.

But it was becoming stronger and harder to ignore.

Stiff tendrils of anxiety began to uncurl in Hakkai's belly as he trudged along. The pleasant expression had left his face and was replaced by a plastic smile he was unaware of donning. The dragon circled high over-head and Hakkai glanced up in his direction.

The smell was impossible to write off to imagination now. Lotus flowers simply did not grow in this area and they were near to impossible to get in this season. It seemed improbable that that was what he was smelling.

But the scent was scratching the surface of the vault he kept in his mind. It was the place he put memories he'd rather not have and had no need for. It was where he buried the most painful parts of his mind. This scent, he recognized, must be linked to one of those memories.

Memories of that night a few months ago...

The vault door cracked open.

No, I don't want to remember.

Hakkai ambled over to the fruit stand and stared at the apples. Apples and apple stands had good memories for him. They reminded him of his return to Gojyo, of Gojyo's red hair, that now had a different meaning and sweet deserts he could make that Goku would gobble up and love him for.

Hakkai bent down and inhaled the smell of apples. Yes, pleasant memories. He forced the vault closed. He turned the lock.

But he could still smell the flowers over them.

I don't want to remember, Kanzeon, please don't make me.

Cinnamon,he'd need cinnamon to make that pie.

Hakkai picked over the apples although he was becoming late for work. He selected a few.

“We have a deal, little demon,” he heard her voice in his head and his eyes went wide. Hakkai started scanning the crowd, looking left and right, turning around a few times to find the source of the voice. He saw no such thing.

“I'm losing it,” he said aloud to himself.

“Well, before you do, would you hurry up and pay for those? I haven't got all day.”

Hakkai glared around at the rude person manning the fruit carts. He began to load the apples into the scale.

“Is there a florist near here?” he asked.

The proprietor shrugged. “Up the road I think.”

Hakkai nodded, and the scent came to him again. He'd been getting it in scattered whiffs and transient puffs. It was getting stronger every time it touched his senses. He was thinking he might have to find the local florist just to see if they had those damn flowers. Something in him desperately wanted to end that smell.

He chuckled to himself. Sanzo would take him in for sure if he did something as crazy as burning down the local flower shop. Maybe he'd risk imprisonment less if he just bought and burned them, but that might just make them order more. Could he demand they not carry them? Oh yeah, that would go over well.

“OI!”

Hakkai blinked and looked up at the apple man.

“OI!” he barked a second time and Hakkai blinked back into reality. “Hurry up. You're making people wait.”

Hakkai snarled. “You don't need to be so rude.”

The man muttered something about fagots under his breath and Hakkai's eyes narrowed. He memorized the man's features, and prayed on his behalf that the man would not meet him in an area less crowded. It was not a good idea to kill people in your own back yard.

Hakkai paid too much for the apples. He had the idea to accuse the man of dickering with the scales. But didn’t. He took his apples and pivoted off in the direction of the library.

Muttering, his good mood shattered, Hakkai decided to aim his thoughts back at the splendid pie he'd be making.

He was half way there when he saw her. Through the crowd, for just an instant his eyes lit on the smiling face of the Merciful Goddess. It was for just an instant. One moment she was there in plain sight. Then Hakkai's line of sight was broken by passers-by and she was gone.

Hakkai could feel an attack coming on. It had not happened to him in a long time. Whenever vaulted memories were so forcefully brought forth to the forefront of his mind he tended to either pass out or throw up. It was like someone turned a faucet on in his mind and the blood that rushed in threatened to overwhelm his consciousness. The vault door flew open and all the carefully piled memories spilled out. They were not restricted to memories of one night either. Chin Yisou, the Hyakugen Moah, his rape, Kanan with a knife in her hands trying to kill the child inside, all came out.

The blood drained from Hakkai's face and he wobbled on his feet. The apples spilled out into the dirt and he stared at them.

Then he became angry and the anger purged his mind of the pain. He gripped his hands into fists and quietly shook in rage.

But there was nothing for which to vent it on. The goddess was not there and even if she had been, all he would have gotten was a hanging for his efforts. Hakkai slammed closed the vault door with force. He gritted his teeth and got a firm handle on himself. He was aware that people were staring at him as they passed by. Nobody stopped to help him gather his apples.

Like some deranged shikigami Hakuryuu materialized from the heavens and dropped onto Hakkai's shoulder-- scaring him witless. Hakkai barked out a yelp and dislodged the dragon. Hakuryuu flapped for balance and beat Hakkai over the head with his wings for a moment.

More people were staring. Hakkai looked pallid, but he smiled at his chirping dragon, who seemed concerned for him.

“Kyuu??”

Hakkai scratched the little chin. “Sorry, little one, you spooked me!” Hakkai began to laugh and it drained the tension out of him.

“Ha, maybe that's what I needed! What ever would I do without you?”

“Kyuu!”

“You're right, I have to get to work, don't I?”

Hakkai straightened up, grasping to regain some of the good mood he'd woken up in. It was still a beautiful day!

Hakkai shook himself off and trotted toward the library. He was late.

_____________________________________________________________________

“You're late,” the head librarian snapped at Hakkai as he skulked past the front door.

Hakkai looked guiltily at her.

She eyed him from her podium and growled at him, “You stopped in the market even though you were late?”

Hakkai smiled and held out to her a gorgeous red apple, “Apple for the teacher?” He literally batted his eyelashes at her and pouted out his bottom lip. “I'm sorry I'm late.”

Her defenses crumbled. For some reason that always worked with her. He was the only male employee of the library and the normally hard head librarian had an obvious soft spot for him. All he had to do was put on the right look, and speak softly and she puttied up for him.

Gojyo would be proud.

She hooked the apple from his hand and said “Go punch in.”

Hours later Hakkai had finished his chores and was buried in a good book. He loved working in the library. It didn't pay near enough, he could have made tons more money with Gojyo at the tables, but he could sit back and read as much as he wanted. There was solitude here in the stacks, and at times there were people too.

Sometimes he tutored the local students who came in for help. He had a small following amongst the female student patrons of the library. Hakkai got a kick out of the way they used their studies as an excuse to flirt with him. He was locally known just as a librarian. Most people had no idea about his demon heritage, or even his relationship with Gojyo and he preferred it that way. Here he could simply be. It was an escape.

The time to close up was drawing near. Nobody had come in for many hours, and Hakkai was so engrossed in his book he was losing track of time. He didn't notice the sun was setting outside.

Then came that smell again, assaulting his nose. It would have ordinarily been a pleasant smell if he didn't know what it meant. Hakkai tossed his book on the counter and ran his hands into his hair and gripped it in his fists.

The little dragon flapped his wings and took off to flit back and forth across the cross beams in the ceiling. Hakkai didn't try to quiet him, his attention was elsewhere.

Damn it, Dammit, DAMMIT!

Then, she was standing before him. Hakkai's eyes actually darkened from their usual emerald to a more murky forest color. The Goddess recognized the look. His eyes took on that strange color and empty look when he truly wanted to kill someone.

The goddess approached him. When she reached out to touch his face Hakkai squirmed and shied away. The Kanzeon had expected it, but for some reason it irritated her to be looked on like that.

'We have a deal," was all she said.

Hakkai made a small noise, but otherwise appeared not to respond.

When she came closer to him, he scrambled away and backed up until he was cornered between the wall and the librarian's desk. The Merciful Goddess placed her fingers at Hakkai's temples and the simple message was placed directly into his mind-- "Go to him"

Hakuryuu was screaming at the Goddess from the safety of the rafters. Hakkai was afraid he might actually attack the Goddess.

Then, in one movement, she removed all three limiters from his ear.

The sudden unexpected surge of energy through his body threatened to engulf his consciousness. He'd never been taken by surprise in such away, and having not steeled his body for the it, it hit him with maximum impact. Hakkai slammed backward against the desk, bruising his back. When his vision cleared the Goddess was gone.

Hakkai looked around his familiar yet not so familiar library. His vision was different in this form, there were things he could see he couldn't before, and things he could no longer see. His night vision was heightened and his color vision dulled. His brain was re-geared to sense motion above all else. It was the hardest thing to get used to.

His heart pounded and his blood rushed through his ears. Everything came into focus in a different way, like someone had changed the lens on his camera. Even the air felt different.

Hakkai grabbed at his hair again and doubled over into a fetal position. He screamed, "Fucking BITCH!" and it echoed back at him from the stacks.

Hakkai searched about, trying to locate his limiters. He hated this form, hated everything it meant to him. It was a power to be used in only the most extreme circumstances and he didn't take it lightly. It was a reminder of exactly who he was and what he had become and it reeked of death's touch.

Where was the mercy? How had she been given the name "Merciful?"

Hakkai could not leave the library like this, and he could not be found out. His quiet librarian status would be forever destroyed if anybody here ever found out he was actually the Taijiya from the Hyakuganmaou massacre,

; a human turned youkai as punishment for his evil deeds.

The girls who presently flirted with him would scream and run from him. People would look on him in disgust, and they would be driven from their home.

Hakkai grabbed his keys and vaulted the desk and counter top to land in front of the door in one leap. He jammed the key in the lock and turned it, hoping no one would happen by the door and look inside to see him.

Then he became aware of something else going on in his body. He was coming into heat and fast. It was like nothing he had experienced before- he had always known the limiters dulled his heats, but he had never expected to be taken in so fast and suddenly.

"Bitch bitch bitch!" he hollered and clenched his fists. Was she watching and even laughing at him now? "Merciful my ass..." he seethed.

Hakkai's body was heating up. He pulled at his shirt, needing to cool his skin. He dropped the shirt to the ground. In the bathroom he splashed water across his face and looked into the mirror. What he saw there scared him. He'd never actually looked at himself in a mirror when he was in this form. He'd pointedly avoided it. He didn't know his markings ran across his face in such a way. With one finger he ran the tip of his sharpened nail along the pattern.

The more powerful a demon was, the more he was likely to be marked. Hakkai sported markings that ran all over his body. He was sweating, and he could smell how heavily laden his sweat was with pheromones. God damn if every demon in a fifty mile radius wasn't going to be able to smell him.

Hakkai gritted his teeth and smashed the mirror before he knew what he was going to do. Blood dripped down the wall.

Ouch.

He had so little control over his aggression in this state!

Listening carefully, Hakkai was fairly sure there wasn't anybody close by. He crept out and locked the back door and slipped away.
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Hakkai's Secret